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Viewing: Blog Posts Tagged with: chapter one, Most Recent at Top [Help]
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1. Chapter One SNEAK PEEK!!

Chapter One


The bleached ceilings, walls, and floors gleam in perfection. Drained of color, wiped of contamination, forever untainted they exist; a cold reminder of my purity.

I walk down a blank hallway lit by a series of white lights from above. Each one is a half orb, emerging from the ceiling like an unblinking eye. They’re practically blinding as their glow reflects off the stark white walls. There are no openings for us to see out of—only for Odon to see in.

A clump of books rests on my hip while my arms cradle them close: The History, The Faith. They’re practically attached to me. I can’t remember a time when they weren’t close by. I’ve read them over and over for class, but no matter how many times I read them, I still can’t find the answers I’m looking for.

The History, which takes up two of the volumes, speaks of how Odon created us and rescued our race from our own ignorance. At first the Rebirth did not exist, and we were of many races that thrived on violence. We battled constantly for anything we could contrive to fight for. Then Odon arrived and divided us into our purest forms, the Winglets and Finlets. The Winglets have a light complexion, while the Finlets are a darker people.

He taught us that being pure made us stronger and brought us peace. Of course some didn’t agree with this, because they were not pure, and they started to rebel. Odon decided the only way to stop this was by separating the races so that we were only in contact with our own.

My other two books, held tightly, tell of our Faith: how to follow Odon, how to live life in accordance with his standards. I know all his rules well. I must not question them. It would not be approved of. It would cause suspicion among my peers, regardless of my pureblood. In this place everyone has the potential to disappear.

I try to avoid the gazes of other purebloods. Some are male Winglets, searching for some meaningless connection with the opposite sex. Their interest in me doesn’t go beyond my golden hair and blue eyes, both Winglet features. The purest Winglets achieve both traits with the palest skin to match these hallways. I am no exception in that regard either.

Some show the darkness of the Finlets in their eyes or hair. They are called part-bloods. Finlets can be part-blood too if they have Winglet in their blood, but these combinations of races hardly ever happen anymore. Odon makes sure of that.

It’s the half-bloods that are the least respected. They’re barely thought of as Odon’s children. They are neither Winglet nor Finlet, yet equally both. They’re rarely seen in the University. Following the Rebirth there are said to be none at all. They have a habit of simply disappearing, never to be seen again, but no one cares.

I head to the library. I have a test tomorrow, and I’ve decided to study a bit more before I go to sleep. Another male Winglet passes, and I avoid his eyes completely. The effect is the same as if I had made eye contact: a dull pain in my stomach.

I notice immediately a passing half-blood. His combination of black hair and blue eyes upon darker skin are a beacon in the crowd of identical features. Something urges me to look straight at him, maybe to test him. He is expected to look away. It is unheard of for a half-blood to meet the gaze of a pureblood. Our history says that his race doesn’t deserve to exist, much less live with us. It’s because of what he is. He is the offspring of two pure-bloods, the ultimate defiance of Odon.

It frightens me to even think of going against Odon. All the books tell of his limitless power, endless knowledge, forgiveness and insatiable wrath. I have no doubt he would find me, persecute me if I ever—the half-blood continues toward me. He is the representation of two fallen servants of Odon, and yet my eyes will not turn away. Something leaps inside me when his eyes meet mine. I have a moment’s thought—Doesn’t he know I’m a pure-blood?—but he doesn’t seem to notice at all.

I’m surprised by my initial dislike that fades into an aching fear. He continues to meet my gaze. I wonder what expression has formed on my face, although there should be none at all. When we pass on opposite sides of the hallway, an unmistakable smile forms on his face. I gasp and drop my books. He is nowhere in sight as purebloods help me gather them back up.

The thought of him follows me into the library and festers at the back of my mind among other open sores. The question whether I should report him continues to resurface in my thoughts. I’ve only told on a student once before.

She was a part-blood, and we were eleven years old. I remember her brown eyes and wavy blond hair. The Finlet in her had given her the darker eyes, but they were not as black as a pureblood Finlet’s would have been. She had fair skin that wasn’t quite fair enough to be pure. It was obvious she was a part-blood.

We were waiting in line for lunch. A part-blood is always expected to sacrifice their spot in line to a pureblood, another privilege we are taught to uphold. But when I asked this girl to let me take her spot, she wholeheartedly refused. Her mouth twisted into a pout and her eyes narrowed into a stubborn glare. Even after I politely explained that I was pure and showed her my eyes and pointed at my hair, she just shook her head.

I was surprised, but pressed no further. Instead I did what I was told to do, being too young and ignorant to fully understand. I approached a nearby teacher and explained what had happened. I was told I had done the responsible thing, I was told I was a good little Winglet—and I never saw that girl again.

The memory makes my stomach cringe. Despite the time that has passed, it remains vivid. I try to keep it hidden, to save myself from the wave of anxiety that overcomes me each time I recall her face. Do the others suffer in silence like me? If they do, it never reaches their eyes.


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2. Chapter One


Current word count: 16,822

Words written today: 394

Words til goal: 23,178 / 367 words a day til the end of September

Additional writing: revised two chapters in first novel. Now on chapter 20 of 33.

Yesterday I said that, as well as working on my new book, I have been revising my original novel, especially the opening chapter. In fact, I moved a lot of parts around so that a scene in chapter two became the new opener, a scene from the original chapter one was placed in the new chapter two, and 4,000 words were cut. The opener of this book has had more facelifts than Joan Rivers (ok, maybe not that many, but close :) ), but this is normal, especially for the opening scenes.

To me, chapter one is the most important parts of a book, because it has to draw in the reader. The first few sentences have the biggest job of all. After chapter one, the second most important part of a manuscript is every other sentence, because each one has to keep the reader turning pages, and those at the end must resonate with the reader enough that he or she will want to treasure that book, recommend it to friends and seek out more by the same author. But that’s all after the reader has been enticed by chapter one.

There’s a generalization that most of the time, what’s written in chapter three is really the best start for the story because it takes a while for the writer to get into the story. This was very true for this manuscript. As this opener has had so much work done on it, I thought it would be interesting to detail it for you guys:

First draft of chapter one: POV not protagonist’s; scene showed the discovery of an item that is the reason for the protagonist to move.

Second draft of chapter one: same reason for scene but I tried a different POV, again not the protagonist (he can’t be in this scene). The reason I tried this second version of basically the same scene was because the first version was in an adult’s POV and I thought it would be better in a kid’s.

Third draft of chapter one: at a writer’s retreat, an agent suggested I use the same POV throughout, which meant I couldn’t use the item discovery scene as my protagonist couldn’t be in that scene. So my old chapter two, in which the protagonist is back home and first learns about them moving, became chapter one. This scene was reworked about three times for action as I got to know the character, but I’m not including them as individual drafts here.

Fourth draft of chapter one: In my new chapter one, my protagonist learned about them moving, but in chapter two he learned more about it as he eavesdropped on his parents talking, then in chapter three they moved. In the fourth draft, I realized that the story doesn’t start until they get to the new place, so I cut down all that back story to a couple paragraphs (at least it ended up being a couple paragraphs after many edits) and put it in chapter three, which became my new chapter one.

NOTE: All of this was before I had even finished the book! It was around this time that I got more dedicated, starting writing every day, and decided to forge ahead to the end of the book before I did any more editing.

In subsequent drafts of the full novel, the chapter one didn’t change too much from that fourth draft, except getting tighter and using better word choices. Until…

Fifth complete draft of chapter one: This was my latest reworking of the section, in which chapter two (technically, I think it would have been the original chapter four) became chapter one. Now in the opening scene, he has already moved in and is starting to explore his surroundings, the surroundings that bring him into the story.

I haven’t listed all the little word, sentence structure revisions that have been done in the various chapter ones. This lists just the major reworkings. But rest assured, there were numerous revisions for writing.

This kind of reworking is not unusual. Each story is different, and every time you write a new story, it will be different. But working on finding the best opening scene can take multiple tries. But it’s important work, necessary work. Many readers won’t buy a book unless they’ve read the first few pages and want to read more. I’m like that, and I know I’m not alone. If I’m interested in the title, I’ll read the jacket copy, and if I’m interested in the jacket copy, I’ll open the book and read the first few pages. If I’m not bored, I’ll buy the book. So, to satisfy readers like myself, I have to make sure that those opening pages really sing.

In my critique group a few weeks ago, a member of the group brought in his third revision of his chapter one and he sighed — with a smile — saying he didn’t think it would be his last revision. No, it won’t be. But that’s ok. It’s part of the process and part of the journey of writing the story. As I wrote all those chapter ones that eventually got cut, I learned about the characters. I now know more about the characters than what’s in the final book, and I think that’s the way it should be.

So, if you’re on your third and fourth version of your chapter one, don’t worry, you’ll find the perfect opener, even if it takes a few more drafts. The important thing is to keep trying.

How’s your writing or revising coming?

Write On!

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