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By: Diana Hurwitz,
on 12/24/2014
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One of the most useful tools to utilize during the revision phase of your first draft is the Find and Replace tool. The instructions here are for Word for Windows, but a similar function should be available for other word processing programs.
Within Word, you turn it on by simply clicking on [Control] and [F] at the same time (the letter F not the function key).
When revising, it is a good idea to save the draft as a new version each time in case you make a major mistake and need to go back to the previous version. You do this by selecting [Save As] and entering the Your Title Rev 1 (2,3,4,5,6,7, etc). When you have completely finished all editing and revising, save it as Your Title Final File.
1. If you do a quick rough draft you may have lots of blanks with placeholders **fill in here** or other placeholders (XXX) (#) for names, places, dates, locations, etc. Searching for ** or your placeholder cues will quickly take you from one placeholder to the next.
2. Develop a list of repetitive words. It may change and/or grow with every book you write.
3. Develop a list of adjectives. We all have personal favorites. You can use the starter list in Story Building Blocks III and add to it as you go.
4. Develop a list of adverbs or search for *.ly. This might take a while.
5. Develop a list of body language words and emotion words. Fill in your placeholders or make certain that your characters aren't yawning, grimacing, frowning, or sighing on every other page.
6. Search for passive language by looking for the word was. I guarantee this will take a long time. Make certain to enter a space before the word was followed by another space: [ was ], otherwise every word containing the letters was together (wash, swash, twas) will be highlighted.
7. Use [Find] and [Replace] to change the name of a place or character. Use [Find Next] rather than [Replace All]. Why? Here's an example.
Let's say you want to replace the word format with method. The program searches for all the places the combination of letters appears. It may change words you never intended: information becomes inmethodion.
If your character's name is May and you decide to change her name to Sally, you end up with, “I sally not want to,” instead of “I may not want to.” The word maybe becomes sallybe. You see the problem.
8. Don't mass delete.
A quick way of deleting a word is to use [Find], but never [Delete All] or you could end up with gibberish. Let's say you want to remove all the "could have"s. Go to each one individually. You may have to reword the sentence so it still makes sense.
9. If you make a mistake, [Control] [Z] or [Undo] is your best friend. It can, however, take you back further than intended. Which leads us to ...
10. Save frequently with [Control] [S].
Saving after every change slows you down too much, so I don't advise it. You should save the file frequently enough, perhaps at the end of each page, to mitigate heartache if your computer goes haywire, turns off in the middle, or you unintentionally select [Undo] and an entire paragraph disappears. Weird things happen.
By: Diana Hurwitz,
on 11/14/2014
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There is an art to narrative summary. Ideally the information should be related through the point of view character's lens, not an info dump, like this:
The city was founded in 1779 by tea and sugar plantation owners who commissioned elaborate mansions on top of the hill with a view of the inlet that was large enough to dock their ships. Small villages soon cropped up along the periphery to house the tradesmen needed to service their needs. Over the centuries, the spaces between were filled until it became a crowded, mish-mash of squalor and grandeur.
This passage provides the information, but dully and through the prism of the writer, not the character.
Info dumps are often found in prologues, epilogues, summaries of what happened in previous books, long dialogue passages, as you know dialogue, long explanations of how things work, and extensive backstory.
Here are a few examples of how to use narrative summary effectively.
1. Narrative summary helps you skip ahead.
Sometimes you have to provide important background, condense time, and relate events that don't deserve a lot of page time through narrative summary.
The call came at five o'clock on a Saturday. Dick never forgot the pitch of the sun through the pines or the way his boots sank in the mud as he arrived at a scene to view his first corpse. After fifteen years, he'd seen so many bodies, in myriad locations,and every season.He no longer got the shakes, or the sicks, or the rapid pulse, but the scent of pine, dirt, and dying heat still filled his nostrils when he received a summons. Funny how some things stuck. He snapped on gloves and booties before ducking under the yellow tape blocking a snow-drenched alleyway in the heart of downtown Chicago. "What've we got?"
Narrative skips over the boring bits. Shift it into real-time when possible, particularly if you find paragraphs of it. Use specific details and strong word choices.
1) Narrative summary can offer new information or recap necessary information.
It should support, extend, or refute the information given through dialogue and action. It can add context in a timely fashion and set up expectation. It uses a few words that work hard and lead into or trail action and dialogue. If narrative runs on for paragraphs or pages, you have some editing to do.
The carpet fibers were a dead end: could have come from any low-rent apartment anywhere in town. The call-ins were a bunch of attention-seeking loonies. No legitimate suspects. No obvious motive. No one seemed to know anything about Jane. That was the problem these days: everyone had bloody telephones and computers and social media but never talked to their neighbors. Jane worked from home and played games with virtual friends. She ordered everything online or shopped at big box stores where everyone was strange and a stranger. There were no angles to grab hold of. Who would kill a girl who never seemed to leave her flat? But girls didn't just drag themselves into the woods, cover themselves with debris, and choke themselves with their own pantyhose.
2. Narrative transitions between scenes.
Dick skipped the shower and shave and was at the crime scene by nine thirty. He stood next to the corpse lying on the ground who obviously hadn’t shaved in days either and the bath in the river hadn’t done him any favors.
3. Narrative wrinkles time.
Four days sped by in a series of dead leads and dull conversations. Dick tackled the stacks of paperwork he had successfully ignored for a month, drank gallons of coffee, and smoked endless packs of cigarettes. His anxiety grew like a bonfire as he waited for the DNA results.
Revision Tips
? Read through your manuscript. Highlight areas that contain narrative. Decide whether you should turn narrative into action and dialogue. If not, is it serving a distinct purpose? Does it support, extend, add to, or refute a proposition? Does it condense time or provide important background?
? Does it involve tertiary characters or actions that are of lesser importance?
? Does it involve clichés?
? Have you told the reader what someone thinks or feels instead of showing it?
For more revision tips on revision and narrative summary check out.
By: Diana Hurwitz,
on 10/17/2014
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Interjections are exclamations or parenthetical words that add color to your dialogue or internal dialogue. They are set off from the rest of the sentence with a comma or set of commas. They can be followed by an exclamation point. However, if the sentence is doing its job, you shouldn't need it.
Interjections express a gamut of emotions: surprise, doubt, fear, anger, hate, happiness, joy, glee, disgust, or sarcasm. They insult, incite, and ignite.
Here are a few examples (minus profanity, which is another topic).
My YA series Mythikas Island was set in pre-written-history Greece. Not being able to reach for any of the usual curse words, insults, etc. felt like wearing a straight jacket. I ended up typing *insert insult/curse here* and developing a list of options later.
Here are a few tips when revising:
1. As you go through your rough draft, it is okay to insert placeholders and fill them in later. You may want to put some thought into the types of insults and interjections you characters will use.
2. It is important that the interjections fit the time and place in a historical novel. Look up the first time your word or phrase was used. Nitpickers love to point out errors.
3. When you write fantasy or science fiction, developing unique interjections helps your story world come alive.
4. Avoid overuse. Strings of expletives or exclamation points are annoying. As you read through your rough draft, highlight the interjections. If you have too many packed together, space them out.
5. You can make them character specific. People living in the same place and time with little exposure to the outside world tend to use the same vocabulary. However, each character can have their favorites or quirks.
6. If you have a diverse cast, each can have their own set of interjections, perhaps in different langauges. Avoid stereotypes.
7. Avoid clichés . You can twist existing interjections in new ways.
8. Interjections change as time passes. There is no way to avoid dating your book with them.
9. You can't cut them all. Your story would be lackluster without a few strategically placed verbal punches.
10. They can be used for comic relief. Sometimes after a tense moment, you need a little levity.
If you invent unique injterjections, they may become part of our language or at least the language of your fans. They may even be added to the dictionary. You could be the author of a new catchphrase.
For more information on revision, pick up a copy of:
http://www.amazon.com/Story-Building-Blocks-III-Revision/dp/1475011369
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By: Diana Hurwitz,
on 9/26/2014
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This week, we continue to add to our collection of rhetorical devices.
Polysyndeton uses conjunctions to string phrases in a series.
The library was dim and overly warm and full of sneaky shadows.
Neither rain nor snow nor sleet nor hail would keep Dick from finding Jane.
Polyptoton repeats words from the same root but with different inflections appearing in close proximity.
Dick believed the only thing they had to fearwas fearlessness.
Prefabs can be used to create two and three beat rhythms to speed the sentence up. They include, but are not limited to:
- boom and bust
- bump and grind
- daily double
- doom and gloom
- ebb and flow
- eager beaver
- fixer-upper
- flimflam
- flip-flop
- harum-scarum
- helter-skelter
- herky-jerky
- hip-hop
- hotsy-totsy
- hour of power
- hurly-burly
- itsy-bitsy
- lean and mean
- meet and greet
- moldy oldie
- namby-pamby
- near and dear
- oopsy daisy
- razzle-dazzle
- rinky dink
- rise and fall
- rough and ready
- rough and tough
- rough and tumble
- shilly-shally
- splish-splash
- super-duper
- super-saver
- surf and turf
- teenie-weenie
- thrills and chills
- tit for tat
- topsy-turvy
- town and gown
- wear and tear
- wheeler-dealer
- whipper-snapper
- wild and wooly
- wishy-washy
- zigzag
Next week, we will contine adding spices to your prose shelf.
For the complete list of spices and other revision layers, pick up a copy of:
By: Diana Hurwitz,
on 9/19/2014
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This week, we continue to add to our collection of rhetorical devices.
Parallelism uses balance and three beats following a sentence or clause with a phrase that starts with a similar kind of word (adjective, adverb or noun).
The book was damaged1, damaged beyond all hope of repair2. (balance)
Jane loved him more for it1, more than she loved her books2, more than she loved herself3. (3 beats)
Personification attributes an animal or inanimate object with human characteristics.
The book hid its secrets from her.
Phatics are used to begin or interrupt the flow of a sentence without adding meaning to it and act as speed bumps. They are used to strengthen the connection to the reader and can impart a confidential tone. It can raise or lower the dramatic potential of a clause, it can emphasize an important claim, certify content, or negate content. Be sure they are not used to preface an information dump. They include, but are not limited to:
- after a fashion
- after all
- after all is said and done
- almost inevitably
- amazingly enough
- and I agree that it is
- and whatnot
- as a matter of fact
- as everybody knows
- as I believe is the case
- as is widely known
- as it happens
- as it turns out
- as I’ve pointed out
- as unlikely as it may seem
- as we can see
- as you can see
- at any rate
- believe it or not
- curiously enough
- fittingly enough
- for God’s sake
- for some reason
- for that matter
- hi
- how are you
- I am reminded
- I can’t help but wonder
- I might add
- I suppose
- if conditions are favorable
- if I may call it that
- if time permits
- if truth be known
- if you get right down to it
- if you know what I mean
- if you must know
- in a way
- in a sense
- in my mind
- in point of fact
- in spite of everything
- in the final analysis
- it goes without saying
- it is important to note
- it is important to remember
- it occurs to me
- it seems to me
- it turns out
- just between us
- just between you and me
- let’s face it
- let me tell you
- make no mistake
- my Lord
- not to mention
- of course
- one might ask
- or as unlikely as it may seem
- shall we say
- strangely enough
- to a certain extent
- to be honest
- to my dismay
- to everyone’s surprise
- to no one’s surprise
- to my relief
- to my way of thinking
- to some extent
- what's up
- we should remember
- when all is said and done
- you know
- you know what
Next week, we will contine to stock your prose shelf.
For the complete list of spices and other revision layers, pick up a copy of:
By: Diana Hurwitz,
on 9/12/2014
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Here are more delicious rhetorical devices to add to your prose spice shelf.
Epizeuxis repeats a word in a sentence or clause for emphasis.
It was a long, long night for them both.
Hyperbole uses deliberate exaggeration. It can be funny or sarcastic. Use it sparingly.
Jane was so tired she could have slept for a year, maybe four.
Hypophora is similar to a rhetorical question, only the question is answered. Often the base clause or sentence poses the question and the modifying phrases answer it. In dialogue, it can be provocative if the character asks the question then answers it for the other person.
Jane turned to Dick. "So you want to slay the ghost, by yourself? No, no, I get it. You're strong; I'm weak. You're fast; I'm slow. I'd just get in your way. Fine, see if I care."
Isocolon stresses corresponding words, phrases, or clauses of equal length and similar structure.
Never had Dick promised so much, to appease so many, to benefit so few.
Litotes is an understatement that denies the opposite of the word the reader expects. It can use no or not. It creates confusion.
Jane was not a little angry with Dick for leaving her.
Metaphors can add richness and texture if used wisely. Metaphors compare two different things without using like or as in sentences and paragraphs. Not every simile is a metaphor, but every metaphor implies a simile. Dead metaphors and similes are often cliché, so it's important to cut them or change them up when possible. The biggest offender is the mixed metaphor in which the second proposition is inconsistent with the first.
Dick was able to shed some light on the text. (light = understanding)
Jane stared through the window at the black velvet sky. (sky = black velvet)
Oxymorons connect contradictory terms. You can find extensive lists on the internet. If you look for them, kill them whenever possible. They are hard to spot because they are so frequently used. Most readers won't recognize them as such.
A few examples include:
- act naturally
- active retirement
- almost exactly
- approximately equal
- blind eye
- born dead
- clearly confused
- controlled chaos
- deafening silence
- exact estimate
- found missing
- larger half
- old news
- open secret
- original copy
- seriously funny
- unbiased opinion
- virtual reality
Next week, we will contine adding spices to your prose shelf.
For the complete list of spices and other revision layers, pick up a copy of:
By: Diana Hurwitz,
on 8/29/2014
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This week, we continue to add delicious rhetorical devices to your prose spice shelf.
Asyndeton omits conjunctions and speeds up the sentence using three or four beats.
Dick ran, laughing, hysterical, howlingfrom the library.
Balance offers two propositions of equal value joined by a comma or semicolon. The second half mirrors the first half but changes a few words.
Dick asked not what Jane could do for him1, but what he could do for her2.
Chiasmus repeats a sentence or clause but reverses the order in the second half.
When the water gets rough, the rough get in the water.
Chronicity moves the sentence backward or forward in time using connectors such as: after, before, during and until.
BeforeDick would agree to enter the library, before he would agree to read the book, he insisted that Jane go home.
Conduplicato repeats a key word from the base clause to start the next sentence or clause.
Dick was hard to love, hard tohate.
Consecutive clauses reveal a series of actions or thoughts.
Dick ran through the hall1, up the stairs2, skidding around the corner3, breaking into the library4 in time to hear Jane scream.
Epanelepsis repeats the same word or phrase at the beginning and end of a clause or sentence.
Dayfollowed day, week followed week, and Jane still had no answer.
Epistrophe repeats the same word or phrase at the end of successive phrases, clauses, or sentences. It carries emotion.
Jane charmed him, confused him, and consumed him.
Next week, we will contine adding spices to your prose shelf.
For the complete list of spices and other revision layers, pick up a copy of:
By: Diana Hurwitz,
on 8/22/2014
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Variety is the spice of life and these rhetorical devices sound like exotic spices. We know how they taste but have forgotten the names.
These spices should be sprinkled in carefully. They enrich a sentence or paragraph when you want a little punch. You shouldn't overwhelm the reader with them and should be mindful of clichés. You earn a gold star for using them effectively. You earn two gold stars if you remember their names.
Abstraction advances a proposition from generic to specific.
Jane opened the book1, a thick tome2, a collection of poetry3.
Alliteration repeats initial consonants in consecutive or grammatically corresponding words.
Jane opened the diary, the wild, wishful, window to its owner's soul.
Amplification repeats a word or phrase, adding more detail to emphasize a point.
Jane wanted to deny the truth, the truth about the diary1, the truth about the ghost2, the truth about herself3.
Anadiplosis repeats a word that ends a phrase, clause, or sentence at the start of the next.
Jane opened a book. The book was a collection of poetry, poetry that made her blush.
Analogy compares two things that are alike and is more clinical than a simile. It can use: also, and so on, and the like, as if, and like.
Jane was drawn to Dick1 like a humming bird to nectar2.
Anaphora repeats the same word or words at the beginning of each successive clause or sentence. There are at least three or four beats. You can separate the beats with other sentences but they should be in the same paragraph. The last beat should be in the last sentence of the paragraph.
She should have ignored the diary. The truth was too horrible to acknowledge. She should have burned it. She should have escaped while she still had the chance.
Antithesis connects two contrasting propositions, usually in parallel clauses or sentences.
Jane knew he loved her and she knew he hated her.
Assonance repeats similar vowel sounds in successive clauses or sentences.
The rain on the plain drove Jane completely insane.
Next week, we will continue to add spices to your prose shelf.
For the complete list of spices and other revision layers, pick up a copy of:
By: Diana Hurwitz,
on 8/15/2014
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Redundant words are so common they are hard to recognize. Redundancies use two words when one will do. They are found in newspapers, broadcasts, and magazine articles.
A character would use redundancies in conversation. Few speak that formally.
Search for them all. Choose which ones to keep and which to kill.
Cutting some of them feels like amputating a limb.
Yes, this rule is frequently broken . You will find redundancies everywhere. You decide.
Here is a short list to get you started:- absolutely essential
- absolutely perfect
- absolutely positive
- actual fact
- advance forward
- advance planning
- advance preview
- advance reservations
- advance warning
- add an additional
- add up
- added bonus
- affirmative yes
- aid and abet
- all-time record
- alternative choice
- A.M. in the morning
- and etc.
- anonymous stranger
- annual anniversary
- armed gunman
- artificial prosthesis
- ascend up
- ask the question
- assemble together
- attach together
- ATM machine
- autobiography of his/her own life
REVISION TIPS
? Do a search using [Control] [F] for redundant words. Eliminate one of the redundant words.
? If you keep a redundancy, use it sparingly and for effect.
? If you disagree with this rule, ignore it. Make sure your editor and agent feel the same way.
For a larger list of some common redundancies and other revision layers, pick up a copy of:
By: Diana Hurwitz,
on 8/8/2014
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Oh, the hellish question! Dare you use profanity in your writing?
1) It depends on your target audience.
Will they be offended? Do you care? The more explicit terms should be left out of cozy mysteries.
2) Does it fit the context of the plot?
If you are writing about nuns in England in 1300, I doubt they used the F-bomb. You might have a salty old nun who muttered the occasional "bloody hell" but only after the reign of Bloody Mary I (queen regent from 1553 to 1558).
I wrote a series set in 3500 BC. Trying to write without some form of expletive, insult, or curse word was painful. I had to resort to them calling each other names of animals etc. Some form of exclamation is needed, but not every other paragraph. I had to stringently edit it.
3) Is it appropriate for your target audience?
If you write children's picture books or Christian romance, I'd leave it out.
4) Are you using it to define character?
Some characters swear like sailors. Others never would. Do your space aliens have potty mouths? Are your characters living in the ghettos of New York City? If so, drop the F-bomb a few times. Don't use it for shock value. The F-bomb has lost its impact by overuse. It isn't shocking anymore. The F-word is versatile. It is a noun, adjective, and verb, even though it stands for "For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge" and did not exist prior to England adopting the acronym in roughly the 1400s. Modern television and film scripts overuse it and it becomes redundant.
5) Are you using it effectively?
A rare profanity inserted for effect is better than twenty in a row. Profanity offends many. They are red words and imply anger, even if the person isn't angry. It may limit your audience. It's important to ask how your agent or editor feels about it. If she hates it, she might insist you take it out. If you stand your ground, you may have to find another agent or editor, or publish it yourself.
If profanity is inserted into every sentence, it feels abusive. No one likes listening to abusive people rant, even in fiction.
6) Can you make up new ones?
This is a serious challenge for fantasy and science fiction writers. Come up with a few, carefully selective, highly descriptive swear words for your characters. We'll love you for it. It may even get included in the English lexicon. For historical fiction writers, make sure the word was used in the era you describe. Make sure the word is something your character would have come into contact with. If you don't do this well, it is a speed bump.
? Do a search and kill for all swear words, especially the ones you make up. How many times have you used them? Can you minimize them for better effect?
? Have you committed profanity abuse? Should you trim them?
? Does the profanity fit the time and place?
? Does the profanity fit the background and personality of the character uttering it?
For a list of other editing and revision tips, pick up a copy of:
By: Diana Hurwitz,
on 7/31/2014
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Jargon consists of words that relate to a specific group, profession, or event.- actionable intelligence
- bait and switch
- behind the eight ball
- best practice
- bounced check
- brain trust
- bull market
- circular file
- core competency
- face time
- fall guy
- file thirteen
- food chain
- free lunch
- game changer
- head count
- hired gun
- in the loop
- in the red/black
- in the running
- out of pocket
- push back
- put to bed
- time frame
- value added
Medicine is full of Latin words that sound intimidating but mean relatively little.
- Thyroiditis (root word thyroid + itis meaning inflammation)
- Myeloma (root word myelo=marrow+ oma meaning growth)
- Endocrinology (root word endocrine + ology meaning study of)
Although it is Latin, it is also their jargon. Medical terminology is full of acronyms. If you've ever listened to a professional conversation and been unable to follow the acronyms, you've listened to jargon.
- CT scan (computed topography)
- MRI (magnetic resonance imaging)
- BMP (basic metabolic panel)
- CBC (complete blood count)
- PET scan (positron emission topography).
Jargon is used as short-hand to refer to things common to people’s understanding. The art of texting has inspired an entirely new acronym vocabulary.
- BTW - By The Way
- IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
- MOTD - Message Of The Day
- FAQ - Frequently Asked Questions
- CYA - See You Around
- HTH - Hope This Helps
- FYI - For Your Information
- LOL - Laugh Out Loud
- PFA - Please Find Atached
The field of computing has spawned many jargon words:
- blog
- Byte
- CD-Rom
- disk drive
- email
- hard drive
- hyperlink
- internet
- RAM
- vlog
For fantasy and science fiction writers, building a new world can be enriched by adding a few - I stress few - new words and phrases. Make certain you clarify their meaning to the reader. Adding a dash of unique jargon brings your world to life. Too many obscure references, and you risk losing a reader's interest.
For historical writers, you have nitpicky fans. Look up when a term was first used. They love to point out your errors.
? Turn on the Clichés, Colloquialisms, and Jargon option in the toolbox. They will be marked for you. As you read through your draft, decide which to keep and which to kill. Have you used the jargon intentionally?
? Does it mean what you think it means?
? Have you committed jargon abuse? Should you trim it?
? Does the jargon fit the time and place?
? Does the jargon fit the background and personality of the character uttering it?
For a list of some common clichés and other revision layers, pick up a copy of:
By: Diana Hurwitz,
on 7/25/2014
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Game On! Creating Character Conflict
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Colloquialisms are words or phrases that we use in conversation or informal situations.
An example would be the different ways people refer to carbonated beverages: cola, soda, soda pop, and pop.
Another example is cooked batter: pancake, griddle cake, flap jack, Johnny cake, and short stack.
They can be words (gonna), phrases (hang on), or aphorisms (when the going gets tough, the tough get going).
A few examples of colloquialisms include: - bat out of hell
- beating a dead horse
- bigger than a barn
- bump on a log
- couldn't care less
- crazy as a loon
- deader than a doornail
- dumb as stump
- drunk as a monkey
- happy as a pig in shit
- hell for leather
- hotter than hell
- knocked into next week
- like flies on shit
- like white on rice
- meaner than a snake
- neat as a pin
- not the brightest crayon
- older than dirt
- one fry short of a happy meal
- piece of cake
- shut your pie hole
- slow as molasses
- tighter than a banjo string
Colloquialism, clichés, and slang are close cousins and hard to differentiate. In general, colloquialisms are limited to a specific geographic location (the southern states) and slang is more widespread (America).
It isn't important for the sake of revision to worry about the finer points of distinction. We aren't in English class anymore. The important point is to use them wisely.
Both colloquialisms and slang can be used as a dialogue plant and payoff: a phrase repeated two or three times at critical points in the story between two characters.
Creating unique colloquialisms and slang for your fantasy world can add a dash of spice. Don't over do it.
Getting the historical slang wrong will earn you e-mails pointing out that the phrase was not used until _____. Nitpickers love this stuff.
Both can add color to your prose and dialogue. Sprinkled throughout a manuscript, they are fine. A few sprinkled in a paragraph is considered overdoing it.
Revision Tips
? Turn on the
Clichés, Colloquialisms, and Jargon option in the toolbox in Word. These items will be marked for you. As you read through your draft, decide which to keep and which to kill. Have you used the cliché intentionally?
? Can you twist it or make it fresh?
? Have you committed colloquialism abuse? Should you trim them?
? Does the languge fit the time and place?
? Does the languge fit the background and personality of the character uttering it?
For all of the revision tips on colloquialisms and other revision layers, pick up a copy of:
By: Diana Hurwitz,
on 7/18/2014
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Game On! Creating Character Conflict
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Purple prose consists of passages so cloying, over the top, or dramatic that they create speed bumps for the reader. It employs an abundance of adjectives and dense descriptive detail.
Purple prose should be weeded out when found, unless that is your preferred writing style. In which case, you may deter some readers and agents.
The worst offenders are romantic scenes, because writers try to avoid clinical terms for the acts of love and body parts. A lot of slang words are too crude and don't fit the mood of the piece.
Purple prose can be a product of weak description writing. Some writers stuff so many descriptions in a paragraph the reader forgets the topic.
1) Avoid using annoying phrases:
- bated breath (not baited!)
- cupid lips,
- framed by
- heart-shaped face
- limped pools
- manly chin
- revealed
- set off by
- steely eyes
- heaving or swelling bosom,
- tumescent member
- twirling lock of hair
- wriggling eyebrows
2) Avoid melodramatic descriptions:
Her ample bosom heaved as he slowly untied her frilled, satin night dress. His caress made her tremble like a delicate blossom in the breeze as he nibbled on the petals of her ears.
3) Avoid descriptions that go on ... and on ... and on.
She stood there, like a pale lilly, swaying in the wind, her corn silk hair floating around her heart-shaped face like golden cloud, obscuring her sky-blue eyes. The flyaway strands parted as her rosebud lips pursed and blew them aside. Her gauzy white gown clung to her voluptuous curves. She was the absolute embodiment of a seductive angel.
An effective cumulative sentence (base clause plus two or three descriptive phrases) is a master craft. Stuffing as many fluffy descriptions as you can think of into a sentence is not masterful.
? Have you used melodrama intentionally, such as in dialogue or poking fun of a situation?
? Can you tone it down?
? Have you committed purple prose abuse?
? Does the language fit the background and personality of the character uttering it?
For all of the revision tips on purple prose and other revision layers, pick up a copy of:
By: Diana Hurwitz,
on 7/11/2014
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Idioms are colloquial metaphors. They say one thing but mean another and cannot be taken literally.
If a couple breaks up, that means they stop seeing each other, not that body parts go flying.
There are thousands of idioms that enrich our language. The trouble begins when a child, foreign person, or alien takes one of our idioms literally.
"We'll have you for dinner," does not mean the person will be eaten by cannibals.
There isn’t room here to list the busload of idioms, but I offer a few examples:
- at length
- burn off
- by the way
- chin up
- common touch
- fly away
- in step with
- lay aside
- leaf through
- no less than
- put down
- put in the way of
- run along
- slap on the wrist
- take a lick at
- think tank
REVISION TIPS
? Have you used idioms intentionally?
? Have you committed idiom prose abuse?
? Does the usage fit the situation, era, or time frame? You might want to check the date it was first used.
? If uttered in dialogue, does the idiom fit the background and personality of the character uttering it?
For all of the revision tips on verbs and other revision layers, pick up a copy of:
By: Diana Hurwitz,
on 6/27/2014
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Clichés are overused metaphors and often employ the words like and as.
Agents and editors hate clichés. However, clichés are so deeply imbedded in our language, we don't know we are using them. Personally, I applaud all those creative people who came up with the phrases that give our language its biting wit, sappy compliments, colorful swear words, and delightful put downs. Our world would be boring without such gems as:
Dead as a doornail
Like a cat on a hot tin roof
Hot as snot
Sure as shootin'
Detractors call clichés predictable, annoying, a symptom of lazy writing, and bordering on purple prose. The main concern is cliché abuse.
The key to using clichés well is to use them sparingly and twist them to make them original. They can be placed strategically to add a comic punch or to define a single character, not the entire cast.
Cliché: Dick won’t rock the boat.
Twist: Dick won’t rock the rescue dinghy.
Cliché: Not for all the tea in China.
Twist: Not for all the fortune cookies in China.
There are too many clichés to list them all. Some are so ingrained in our language, it would sound stilted to avoid them. Make artistic choices.
REVISION TIPS
?Turn on the Clichés, Colloquialisms, and Jargon option in the toolbox. They will be marked for you. As you read through your draft, decide which to keep and which to kill. Have you used the cliché intentionally?
?Can you twist it or make it fresh?
?Have you committed cliché abuse? Should you trim them?
?Does the cliché fit the time and place?
?Does the cliché fit the background and personality of the character uttering it?
For a list of some common clichés and other revision layers, pick up a copy of:
By: Diana Hurwitz,
on 6/20/2014
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Game On! Creating Character Conflict
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Let's review a verb's purpose and explain what a verb phrase is. A verb tells the reader what happens. The action can be modified by an object, assisted with a helper, or modified by a verb phrase. Verb phrases are often used in idioms, colloquialisms, or slang.
1) A verb object is the item upon which the action is committed.
Jane drove (subject/verb) the car (object).
Dick threw (subject/verb) the ball (object).
2) A verb can be modified with a helping verb:
Forms of to be: am, are, be, been, is, was, were.
Forms of to do: did, do, does.
Forms of to have: had, has, have.
Qualifiers: can, could, may, might, shall, should, will, would.
Qualifiers can be red flags and often need to be cut. Search for them. Kill them unless they are absolutely essential to the point.
Jane could see Dick edging around the corner, weapons out.
In distant third or omniscient: Jane saw Dick edge around the corner, weapons out.
First person or close third in Jane's POV: Dick edged around the corner, weapons out.
3) A verb can be modified by a verb phrase.
A verb phrase contains a verb and a helping verb that act as one word. The helping word always precedes the verb. The words never, not, and the contraction n't are negation words and are not part of the verb.
Dick could have been willing (verb) to fly (modifier).
Dick might not have wanted (verb) to fly (modifier)
We have become (verb) world travelers (object).
4) The helping verb can be separated from the verb in certain situations.
When asking a question, the helping verb comes before the actual verb.
Have you ever been to Spain?
Do you know the way to San Jose?
No, I've never been there.
Dick should never (negation) have gone (verb) there (modifier).
Revision Tips
?Make sure the verb phrases are used correctly. You should search for these verb phrase key words by selecting [Control] [F] or [Find]and entering the word. Make sure you avoid clichés.
?Evaluate all verb phrases. Are they used correctly?
?Do they constitute clichés? Can you change it or cut it?
For all of the revision tips on verbs and other revision layers, pick up a copy of:
