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So I was sitting in the pit at work, answering phones, like I always do when I’m not in clinic with my doctor, when my gay co-worker burst into the room, shaking, laughing and smiling.
“The Supreme Court just ruled same-sex marriage legal! Now I can get married whenever and wherever I want to!”
I blinked, absorbed what he was saying and then forced a smile in a silent form of congratulations. Thinking to myself, The Supreme Court did what??
That’s how I found out that same-sex marriage is now legal in every state.
I’ve been thinking about writing this post for the past 48 hours. How I wanted to write it. What I wanted to write about this subject. And it’s a toughie. It truly is. Let me see if I can first break my thoughts down and secondly try and make it as fair to all parties that I can.
Yes. I work with a gay man. He is the sweetest and most likable person I’ve ever known. I’ve liked him from the very moment I met him. And we get along famously. In fact, his sense of humor reminds me so much of my brother that I sort of SEE and TREAT him like a little brother. Yes. I’ve told him that before.
So I’ve had to be very careful in how I approach this subject at work because it would kill me to hurt this guy’s feelings. I truly like and care about him and I’m a lot of things, but I’m never intentionally cruel to someone – I have too much respect for the people in my life, or the people I like, to go out of my way to be deliberately nasty to them.
But I don’t agree with the gay lifestyle.
WAIT. DON’T GO. Hear me out, please.
I don’t believe God intended men to be with men. Or women to be with women. And no matter how we sugar coat it, or think of different ways to redefine it, marriage is between a man and a woman. Period. I’ve never understood why the gay community insisted on redefining that word. That word belongs to the heterosexual, get your own damn word. Call it a civil union, or a gay union, or whatever else you want to define two gay people becoming legally/contractually obligated to each other, but marriage is OURS.
Or it was until the Supreme Court stuck their high and mighty noses into it.
So, no. I don’t agree with the gay lifestyle. I don’t think it’s natural or beautiful or any other label you want to attach to it. I don’t believe you’re born a homosexual. I believe it’s a conscious/subconscious choice that is influenced by outside factors. I think people are born with a homosexual tendency, like a person is born with alcoholic/drug addiction tendencies and those people have to work that much harder to resist the temptation, but no, I don’t think there’s a special “gene” that makes a person gay.
This is what I believe. Disagree if you must. But here’s the thing – I really don’t care if someone *chooses to live that sort of lifestyle.
No really.
I. Don’t. Care.
It’s really none of my business how a person lives his/her life. I figure the gay community will be judged at some point and that at some point they will have to look God in the eye and explain their behavior.
I say, “good luck with that.” *SALUTE*
God granted humans the gift of free will – if one chooses to live by the rules that God has set forth in His Word, then that person will be rewarded when Christ comes back to get us. If one chooses NOT to live by the rules that God has set forth, then that person will not be rewarded. But it doesn’t really matter how a Christian lives his/her life, God loves us no matter what choices we make. If a person has accepted Jesus Christ into his/her heart and confessed with his/her mouth that Christ is Lord and was raised from the dead, then that person is a child of God. And just like our flesh and blood children sometimes disappoint us and/or don’t live their lives like we would like them to, they are still our children and we still love them.
The same principle applies to God’s children.
So a gay man may be a Christian and God will still love that man, but he will be disappointed and like a naughty child, that man will not be rewarded for his choices.
For with the gift of free will comes consequences of that free will.
If I choose to hold up a liquor store and steal all of their money, that was my choice. Granted, it was a poor choice, but mine, nonetheless. And the consequences of that choice is jail time.
I won’t pretend to know what God’s consequences will be for not choosing to live by His rules, but I’m sure there WILL be consequences. How can there not?
So honestly, who cares what my opinion is? Who cares if I disagree with a gay person’s decision and/or lifestyle. It’s ultimately none of my business how that person lives his/her life as it’s none of that person’s business how I live my life. WHO CARES WHAT ANYONE DOES BEHIND CLOSED DOORS.
I think my biggest beef with this whole legalizing a gay union (because I REFUSE to call it marriage – marriage belongs to HETEROSEXUALS), is that the Supreme Court turned my voice, my vote, null and void. They spoke FOR the people. They completely ignored the constitution, the states’ rights and basically said, “Fuck you” to everyone and made our decision for us.
They put on their emperor’s crowns and simply made a decision for everyone.
And the scariest part? This is just the beginning. The ice has been broken. Because now that they’ve done it this once, it will that much easier to do again. And again. And again. And before long? We will become a nation of robots that are TOLD what to do, how to live and how to think. And if we dare color outside the lines, WE WILL BE PUNISHED.
And the end begins …
I don’t want to scare anyone, or sound like some crazed religious person, but now would be a good time to start thinking about the afterlife. Because it’s all downhill from here and Christ WILL come back – are you ready? And I know what you’re thinking, “you’re crazy. Whatever.” What if my beliefs are right?
What if?
And let’s not be naive and think this decision, this turning stone, stops here. Guess what’s next?
Using the same tactics used by “gay” rights activists, pedophiles have begun to seek similar status arguing their desire for children is a sexual orientation no different than heterosexual or homosexuals.
Critics of the homosexual lifestyle have long claimed that once it became acceptable to identify homosexuality as simply an “alternative lifestyle” or sexual orientation, logically nothing would be off limits.
“Gay” advocates have taken offense at such a position insisting this would never happen. However, psychiatrists are now beginning to advocate redefining pedophilia in the same way homosexuality was redefined several years ago.
Van Gijseghem, psychologist and retired professor of the University of Montreal, told members of Parliament, “Pedophiles are not simply people who commit a small offense from time-to-time but rather are grappling with what is equivalent to a sexual orientation just like another individual may be grappling with heterosexuality or even homosexuality.”
He went on to say, “True pedophiles have an exclusive preference for children, which is the same as having a sexual orientation. You cannot change this person’s sexual orientation. He may, however, remain abstinent.”
When asked if he should be comparing pedophiles to homosexuals, Van Gijseghem replied, “If, for instance, you were living in a society where heterosexuality is proscribed or prohibited and you were told that you had to get therapy to change your sexual orientation, you would probably say that that is slightly crazy. In other words, you would not accept that at all. I use this analogy to say that, yes indeed, pedophiles do not change their sexual orientation.”
The ripple effect begins.
And before you pooh-pooh this “ridiculious notion” away, consider this:
This article from the Greeley Gazette was originally published in 2011. But now, there’s actually a constitutional argument that can be made in its favor.
And did anyone think gay unions would be legal in every state 30 years ago?
And if you’re interested in what Christianity has to say about homosexuality, please watch the following videos: Teaching: Christian’s View on Homosexuality – Parts One / Two, Three / Four, Five / Six.
And that, my friends, is what’s wrong with our society. Does it feel good? Then it MUST be the right thing to do. How sad is that attitude??
How do you define a “moral compass?”
I mean sure, you can look up the defnition:
anything which serves to guide a person’s decisions based on morals or virtues
What the hell does “anything which serves to guide” mean, exactly?
Is that anything whatever mood you’re in when you make the “moral” decision? Does anything depend on the situation? The day of the week? How much wine you had beforehand? On whether or not it “feels” good?
Seriously. I’ve never understood people who do not believe in … something … anything … to know when to draw the line when it comes to right and wrong.
I am a Christian. And the Bible is my compass. I try (and fail) to live by God’s commandments because I believe in a higher entity, one who is all-knowing, wise, loving and kind. The Bible lays out for me how I should aspire to live my life. It outlines what is right or wrong in the eyes of the almighty. It is a script for my life.
If one is not a Christian, what “code” does one live by? Where does one draw the line with … anything and everything. What makes something wrong in the eyes of someone who doesn’t have a moral compass?
Problem. Where it really matters – our lives and most significant relationships – we have more than lost our moral compass. It has been trashed by humanism and driven over by hedonism. We have become our own authorities – our own True North. We do what’s right for us – not what is right. We do what gives us the greatest pleasure regardless of the consequences to others.
This “compass-less” behavior is often defended as situational ethics. People are called upon to reason what would be the best thing to do under certain circumstances. Yet – from what I see, it’s a very flexible, self-motivated “situational ethics”, where people are virtually saying, “In the right situation, I will lose my ethics.” Sad. And yes, the relational chaos is enormous.
Let’s look at what we have lost.
We have lost our sense of right and wrong. Decisions are based on what works for me – on convenience and on compromise not timeless truth. Ultimate standards are replaced by our own ethics. We bend the rules to suit our needs. We become a law unto ourselves. We reason that it’s okay as long as no one finds out.
We have lost our personal integrity. That characteristic is when a person is quality to the core. You can trust this guy. Without integrity in business dealings, rather than God-honoring principles being lived out, people are cut throat, lying and breaking contracts. They will say whatever it takes to get a sale. Pragmatism – whatever works – wins out over principle. A person’s word means almost nothing now.
We have lost our ability to empathize. Our self-centered orientation trumps the perspective of others. We have grown callous. We have quit asking how our choices are going to affect someone else. We no longer ‘do unto others as we would have them do unto us’ (Matthew 7:12).
We have lost our conviction of commitment. Breaking contracts in business is common. Giving up on a marriage without work is the new norm. If it’s not working – push the ‘eject button’. We take the easy path not the right path. We don’t follow through on our commitments if they don’t make us happy. I am done if there’s discomfort, work or it might cost me something.
We have lost our absolute standard of truth. People aren’t reading and studying the Scriptures like they used to. I have seen the changes over three family cycles. Previous generations wore out their Bibles, memorized verses more, attended weekly study groups and generally cared about what God said. Remember the mid- 70’s saying – “God said it. I believe it. That settles it.” You likely don’t but that’s how people felt.
And lastly, this article ends with a manifesto, of sorts. A reminder to live a full, giving, generous, honorable life. And guess what, you don’t have to be a Christian to live by this moral compass. It’s possible.
Shocking, I know.
We are Christians…
We have a moral compass – an inner conviction to do what is right.
We believe that knowing Jesus must make a difference.
We believe our lives must honor God.
Therefore, we seek to live what we believe.
We keep promises.
We lend a hand.
We tell the truth.
We respect people’s stuff.
We honor our commitments.
We do our best.
We finish the job.
We don’t take what doesn’t belong to us.
We’ve quit exaggerating.
We put people first.
We admit we’re wrong.
We say we’re sorry when we blow it.
We put things back.
We treat people with respect.
We value family.
We clean up our mess.
We don’t cut corners – we do it right.
We own our mistakes.
We don’t make excuses.
We don’t shift the blame.
We love long.
We forgive.
We earn people’s trust and then work to keep it.
We won’t lie to those we love – or to anybody else.
We keep our word even if it costs us.
We are faithful to our vows.
And…if we don’t have anything nice to say, we don’t say anything at all.
We live today as if God were our judge – we believe He is.
You see, we are Christians – and we have a moral compass. His compass.
We live what we believe and follow one who died for what He believed.
Do you have a moral compass? Is it based on a concrete reference? Something you can refer to from time-to-time? Or is it based on your feelings … common sense and logical thought be damned?
… Jesus came down in flesh and solved both of them.
This is the quote from Phil Robertson in the clip below that struck me the most.
Actually, the whole video really struck me – hard – I cried several times, but if I were to sum up the purpose, the reason, behind this message, that would be it.
Human beings are so arrogant. We think we know it all. We blame other people/entities when we make mistakes or things don’t go according to OUR plan. We make choices every day – some are good, some are bad, but there’s no one to blame but ourselves for the outcome. How badly do you want to work for something? How proud of your accomplishments are you? If you scraped and clawed your way to the outcome you wanted, I’m betting you’re pretty proud of yourself, and guess what, YOU SHOULD BE. NEVER be ashamed of your accomplishments – ever. If you worked for it, if you made sacrifices that other people are either too lazy to make or aren’t willing to work for, then damn it, be proud of yourself.
YOU DESERVE IT.
It’s never too late to turn your life around. God loves ALL people – all you have to do is accept his son, Jesus Christ, in your heart and be willing to live a better, and more humble life. That’s it. If you’re not willing to do that, then so be it. It’s your choice. No human condemns you for that choice. God granted human beings with the gift of free will – do with it what you will. But remember: YOU suffer whatever consequences of your choices.
ALWAYS.
There are two commandments – love God and love your neighbor. These two commands were bought and paid for when Christ died on the cross for us. If you’re not willing to live by those commandments, then that’s your choice.
Do you see how easy this is?
This is the Christian belief. It’s honestly not any more complicated than that. If someone doesn’t choose to live his/her life according to God’s commandments, there will be consequences – maybe not so much in this life, but certainly in the next. If you’re living a homosexual life, then that’s how you choose to live. (Yes – I believe being homosexual is a choice. I think some people are more predisposed to being homosexual, but those people, unfortunately, have to work harder to resist those urges – like people who are predisposed to alcoholism, or drugs – it’s hard, it’s not fair, but it’s life).
Do I personally agree with homosexuality? No. I believe it’s a sin. But do I hate those people who choose to live that life? No. It’s their choice. And guess what – GOD STILL LOVES THEM. And if homosexuals have taken Christ into their heart, believe God raised him from the dead, then they are saved and will live an everlasting life. We are human beings – God loves human beings. He loves ALL human beings, regardless of our choices and/or how we live our lives. Period.
But the more we surround ourselves with various sins, ALL FORMS OF SIN, the harder it is for God to guide us, to speak to us, TO PROTECT US. Sin is our shield against God and the thicker the shield, the harder it is for God to reach us. Satan knows this and uses this human weakness to keep us from a true relationship with God.
And even if we live as close to a sinless life as we can possibly live and bad things STILL happen to us, it’s because we have caught Satan’s attention and he’s doing everything he can to shake our beliefs, to find that weak chink in our armor and make us look bad to other believers / non-believers because if something bad happens and we somehow blame God for that bad thing happening, guess what – Satan wins. That’s the goal.
It puts God in a bad light and begins to shake people’s beliefs – discouragement, disillusionment, disappointment leads to temptation, which leads to more sin, which pushes us further from God’s protection.
We think what we think. We all have opinions – we either agree, or disagree. But the minute we condemn someone for their opinion, for voicing their beliefs in a society that was supposedly built on FREEDOM OF SPEECH, then we’re setting ourselves up for a great fall. Not just spiritually, but as a human race.
This condemnation is the backbone for a dictatorship – of a socialist society where it’s either believe this, or suffer the consequences. A society where one gives up the freedom of will and becomes a robot that is given sets of commands and is punished whenever he/she deviates from the socialist plan.
Is that really how you want to live your life?
So. Listen to all sides of an issue. Evaluate what’s being said. Weigh that against your faith, or whatever creed you might live your life, and dare to disagree, if you must disagree.
And then move on. If it’s a show you disagree with, STOP WATCHING IT. Just because you disagree with a person doesn’t give you the right to treat that person any different – agree to disagree AND MOVE ON.
But the moment we allow the bullies to come and dictate to us what THEY feel is right and wrong and to intimidate us into kow-towing to THEIR way of thinking, that’s when the first brick of our GOD-GIVEN right to be FREE-WILL humans crumbles and falls to the socialist ideals waiting to pounce on us on the other side of that wall.
If you could be a fly on the wall anywhere and at any time in history …
I’d like to see what goes on in the doctors’ lives that I work with.
What are they like when they’re not working? What sort of personalities do they have? How do they interact with their spouses? With their children?
I love to watch people. I love to listen to conversations. I love to try and read between the lines and study body language and listen to what’s NOT being said.
In short, I’m nosy. I’m one of those people who like to sit in the corner at parties and watch what’s going on around me, without actually participating.
I’d like the ability to simply follow someone interesting home – then perch, unseen, and watch them go about their daily lives. What makes them tick? What are they passionate about? What are the people in their lives like?
I don’t really like to interact with people, even though I do it on a daily basis and can trick people into thinking that I LIKE speaking with them, or SEEM like I’m really listening when in fact, I’m counting the minutes until I can gracefully excuse myself from the conversation, but I do enjoy watching people.
I just wish I could do more of it and not appear suspicious.
This came from Facebook. And I’m amazed at the comments …
It all depends on the situation others put you in.
My parents both were physically abusive while I was growing up.. can someone tell me how the hell that’s my fault?
Unless you’re murdered or raped..or had your life savings stolen by some greedy teach… I mean wall street fat-cat… then it’s Obama’s fault.
As usual, people are looking for excuses to get out of responsbility, or making tough choices. I’m not saying life is easy – for some, it downright sucks – what I’m saying is, it’s HOW you react to those crappy situations, it’s HOW you CHOOSE to deal with that situation and HOW you CHOOSE to live your life after that crappy situation that’s important.
We all get placed in situations we don’t like and don’t want. We can choose to leave it or accept it. Regardless, we always have a choice how we behave and respond while we are there.
Crappy childhood? Move past it and put yourself in a situation where you can help other children in crappy situations.
In a crappy relationship? Get out of it. Of course it’s not easy … nothing worth having is easy – get over that mindset right now. You want something, whether that’s a better relationship, a new job, a better place to live, more opportunities, then by golly, make it happen. There’s always a way – always. The problem is, do you have the balls to FIND it and then PURSUE it??
Stop whining – make better choices. Take responsibility for your own life.
Unless you’re happy with someone, or some ENTITY (i.e the government) making your choices for you – then whatever. It’s your life But if that’s what you CHOOSE – if you CHOOSE to allow someone, or some ENTITY, to make your choices for you – FINE – stop whining about it; that was your choice.
You CHOOSE your own path. Don’t like it? Change it.
Otherwise, leave the rest of us alone who CHOOSE our own paths.
This is a subject near and dear to my heart considering my husband graduated from college (and actually got a job using his degree) and I graduated from college (and didn’t get a job in my degree, but probably could if I tried harder. I would also like to go back to get my Masters’s degree at some point, which is sort of stupid considering I’ve never really used my Bachelor’s degree). We have one son attending a community college and one son on the verge of attending college.
I have mixed feelings about college – on the one hand, you can never have TOO much knowledge and a degree can give you an edge over your competition, BUT, does college really prepare you for the real world? You CAN NOT discount real-world experience and too many times, college graduates may have the education but no experience. Ideally, the perfect candidate for a job would have the education AND the experience.
Going to college doesn’t guarantee you’ll get a high-paying job. Many college graduates think that way. If you go to college, then you have to go with the attitude that you’ll not only have to work hard while IN college, but also finding a job AFTER college. (Can you actually find a job using the degree you’re working towards??) Companies aren’t lined up, breathlessly waiting for you to graduate so they can offer you a six-figure salary. It just doesn’t work that way.
Kevin has spent A LOT of time talking to Dude about the direction of his life. Dude loves computers. He wants to be a gamer. Which, cool. BUT, it’s competitive and there aren’t that many openings for the number of people who want to go that direction. BUT, there are more IT jobs than there are IT people. SO. It might be smarter to concentrate on the IT route, gain some experience that way, and then look for that gamer route using the education AND the experience to get his foot in the door.
So I guess my question is, is college really necessary? What if you just worked really hard at the company of your choice and got promoted to the position you wanted? It’s sort of a gamble, an EXPENSIVE gamble.
Anyway. Our local talk show host highlights local authors every Thursday and he talked with Glenn Harlan Reynolds this past Thursday about his book, “The Higher Education Bubble.” It’s pretty interesting and definitely something to consider before agreeing to pay back thousands and thousands of dollars for something that may, or may not, help you in the future.
Well. Sort of. Kevin had his model airplane stolen.
It wasn’t one of those small models you put together from a box; the wing span was the distance between your arms … outstretched. The sucker was huge. Kevin (though he SWEARS it was me and I SWEAR it was him), left our garage door open all night one night. That is a rare occurrence because whenever Kevin goes to bed, he makes the rounds to make sure the garage doors are closed, the house doors are locked, etc. But somehow, this one particular night, he missed his garage door was open on HIS SIDE OF THE GARAGE. (We have two individual doors with separate motors as opposed to one big door with one motor).
Anyway. His model airplane, complete with fancy (and expensive) remote control was hanging on the wall of our garage. It was a bright orange airplane … in other words, eye catching. And it caught someone’s eye that night because they took it. It wasn’t worth that much, though Kevin had put a lot of money into it, but rather, it hurt because Kevin spent HOURS building it and only had a chance to fly it like once (maybe twice).
He was heartbroken.
We never did find out who took the plane and we didn’t feel like it was worth reporting it to the police, but we always suspected our neighbor did it. (Not our current neighbors, the people who lived there before them). He was sort of a shady character and we caught him watching us several times.
People who steal things, suck. You want something? Buy it/build it yourself, lazy bum.
If public transportation were available in your neighborhood, would you use it?
Oh heck yes.
In fact, I was just telling Kevin the other day, I can totally see myself living someplace like Chicago where I have to walk to the closest train/bus stop to get to work, etc. In fact, I would LOVE that. You don’t see a lot of obese people in places where you have to rely on the public transit system, like New York or Chicago. Why? Because people are forced to walk where they need to go.
A city with an organized, well-run public transit system rocks my socks.
Recall when you first started using the Internet regularly.
It was in the early 90′s … we had a Zenith computer. It was during the weird green text on a black screen era. I used Prodigy to get online and I discovered chat rooms very early in my cyber career.
In fact, I spent an INSANE amount of time in chat rooms and became so addicted to chatting that I ignored by two young sons AND my husband.
Which strangely coincides with the time period I started having marital problems.
It’s actually rare that I go a day WITH my cell phone. In fact, ask my family – I have a cell phone, but I rarely use it, and it annoys the ever-loving crap out of my husband. In fact, I HATE talking on the phone, which is ironic considering I have a job where I’m ON THE PHONE all day, every day.
I’m not a handywoman – at all. Mainly because I don’t have the patience required to figure out a solution. And if I DO try something and it DOESN’T fix itself in the first two minutes, I’m done. And cranky. And playing the helpless female card.
Let’s answer some questions … if you have a few minutes, please share your thoughts in the comment section. Answer one question, answer them all, it’s up to you.
Is the book always better than the movie? Are there any exceptions?
Usually, yes. It’s just too difficult to cram all of the little details that make a story great into a 2-hour movie. It’s nearly impossible to portray dense characters that are fully developed in the book onto the big screen.
There is only one exception to this rule that I can think of: Chocolat.
I saw the movie with Johnny Depp (*DROOL*) and was naturally curious to read the book. This is one of those few times that I actually liked the movie more than the book. The screenwriter inserted a love story between Vianne and Roux and though it was only a secondary story line, I thought it really gave the story an interesting twist (and I’m a sucker for romance, obviously). The real story, of course, was the spiritual battle between one’s duty to God and one’s natural inclination to be tempted with worldly pleasures (in this case, the sweet temptation of chocolate and other sweets). I ADORED the movie and really enjoyed Harris’ interesting and somewhat tormented characters.
Describe the longest road trip you’ve ever taken.
We try and take one big family vacation together every year. And several years back, we decided to go camping in the Rockies. It took us two days to get there. We drove to some hole-in-the-wall campground in Kansas (actually, it was a pretty nice RV park), spent the night and then drove into the Rockies the next day.
It was a LONG road trip simply because there wasn’t a lot to see. Just miles and miles of plains and crops. Though it was boring, it was also relaxing as the roads were straight, the weather was nice and there wasn’t a lot of traffic. It was a bit eerie though because gas stations and towns were few and far between, so I worried a bit about running out of gas or having some sort of mechanical issue. But God protected us and the trip was uneventful. We arrived safely and we got back home safely.
We enjoyed the Rockies so much, that we would all like to go back some day (though we’ve since sold the camper), rent a cabin and explore more hiking trails.
What’s the perfect age to retire? How will you know you’re ready?
I don’t think anyone can give a definitive age – it depends on the individual and what that individual wants out of life.
For me, never. I never plan on retiring. Though I may not be working somewhere for a paycheck, I plan on staying busy doing a variety of things at all times. Whether that’s traveling, or writing, or being with family, or watching grandkids (*crosses fingers that there ARE grandkids*) or whatever. I have no intentions of staying at home and waiting to die. My in-laws stay very busy (almost too busy, in my opinion) and though I wish they would slow down sometimes, I have to admit, they get around pretty well for their ages. And it’s in large part due to the fact that they stay so busy.
Actually, I say I won’t be working any where, but I might be, now that I think about it. Kevin and I don’t expect to collect Social Security when we reach that age because it doesn’t look like there will be any more money in the coffers to PAY us. (Thanks to our greedy, over spending politicians). So, we may not have a CHOICE to not work.
That thought doesn’t really bother me, though. I enjoy working and it’ll keep my body active so … we’ll see.
Do you feel obligated to finish all books you start reading?
(RSS Readers – there’s a video. Had to import it via VodPod. I wish VodPod would get on the ball and make it so their transported videos were viewable in readers. My apologizes).
I’ll be the first to admit, I judge other mothers. I try not to, but we all judge on some level. But I rarely, if ever, call a mother out for something she’s doing, or not doing, because A. it’s none of my business and B. I don’t know her, her child, or the situation.
I think I judge because I’m in the same boat and/or I’ve been there, done that and feel like I handled it, though not necessarily the best way. (I have regrets – ho boy, do I have some parenting regrets).
I judge because I’m an experienced mom and I can draw on that experience and think, “there is such a better way of doing that.” Or, “That is a terrible habit to start.” Or, “Oh wow, they’re going to regret giving in so much when that child gets older.”
I think other parents care because of a genuine need to help. It hurts my heart to see a young, frazzled mom out and at a complete loss as to how to control, or soothe, an agitated child. I would love to stop that mom and give her some advice because I was there, I went through that, and I have ideas on how to make it better.
But of course I don’t do that because again, A. it’s none of my business and B. I don’t know her, her child, or the situation.
I think other parents care because they don’t want to see other parents make the same mistakes as they did when confronted by the same issues. They want to protect other parents from going down the same road, and suffering the same heartache and/or guilt that comes from making a wrong decision. It’s a “learn from my mistakes” sort of instinct, I think.
I think other parents care because pointing out someone else’s flaws makes them feel better about their own parenting skills. It’s petty and despicable, and I’m not condoning that “holier than thou” attitude, but it’s a human reaction and one we must control and correct.
I think other parents care because they see potential health risks (like mentioning the child should be wearing a hat when being pushed out into hot, direct sunlight). It’s hard to see a child physically suffer when the fix is so easy.
I think other parents care because they think the young parents don’t know any better. Maybe that mom honestly doesn’t know that putting a hat on her child is protecting her soft, sensitive head.
I think other parents care because these children are our future. Because correcting behavioral problems when they’re young is so much easier than trying to break the mold and start over when they’re in their teens. Bright, disciplined, respectful, considerate children generally grow up to be productive and responsible adults.
All of these are parenting instincts – we’re parents, we should all stick together sort of mentality – they’re natural reactions to situations we’ve experienced – we want to help. But pushing that advice on to other people is not the way to do it. It comes off as rude, intrusive, and snotty and it’s certainly an unwelcome int
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Readers that have been keeping track of my blog for some time will likely know my response to this – I feel like a broken record sometimes, but it bears repeating because no matter how many times you say it, people just don’t seem to get it:
Money doesn’t fix problems, it only makes it more complicated.
I agree with Daphne’s outrage about the money we’re spending in Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya – I think our mission in Iraq and Afghanistan was over a long time ago and apparently not even the White House can tell us what we’re doing in Libya (first declaring that “that Moammar Gadhafi has to go” and setting up the no fly-zone and then saying “”we were going to withdraw” even though Gadhafi was (is) still in power). It’s frustrating enough when America is called upon to serve as a Global police, it’s doubly frustrating when our own government can’t even define what our objective is in the mission.
So yes. I agree money is being squandered on these military operations. I think we need to bring our troops home and let these countries work out their own issues. (Especially since they’re not even thankful for our help to begin with and thwart us at every turn).
BUT. Throwing more money into our education system, right now, is like getting your junk piece of a car detailed when it refuses to start – making it look pretty won’t make it work any better. The problem with our educational system lies within the structure itself.
The entire system needs a complete and thorough overall before we throw more money at it and hope that somehow fixes it – it won’t. First and foremost, we need to do something about the teachers’ unions. They have a tight stranglehold on our educational system right now so that we can’t really DO anything without running into grievances and lawsuits. As it’s set up now, teachers are in a position to choose to teach or not to teach. They can show up to work every day, refuse to teach our kids and not have to worry about getting reprimanded. They get paid whether they teach or not.
Granted, MOST teachers are not like this. A LOT of teachers are decent, hard-working, people with good intentions, but you and I both know that there are also some pretty terrible teachers out there that take advantage of the system and thumb their noses up at repercussions. It’s nearly impossible to fire a teacher, thanks to the teachers’ unions. Granted, having an organization that watches your back is a good thing, the teachers’ unions have gone too far – they have too much power. They know it, and they abuse it. There is no incentive for these bad teachers to perform to the best of their ability. Why? They’re going to get paid whether they do their jobs or not.
As with any industry, it’s all about competition. If we want good teachers in our schools, then we have to fire the bad ones and replac
0 Comments on Our Educational System Stinks. I KNOW! Let’s Throw Some Money at It! as of 1/1/1900
Her ears WERE pretty misshapen. This wasn’t just an issue of whether they thought they were too big or simply ugly, this was a physical malformation. (The experts say that when you’re a kid, your ears are already 90% the size they’re going to be when you’re an adult, so they don’t grow much. This was the reason they could perform the surgery on this seven-year old girl. Obviously, they couldn’t do plastic surgery on noses, chins, etc. at seven years old. So maybe, not THIS young, but you get the idea).
I think I could agree with this decision. This wasn’t something she would grow out of and since they were so different, she WOULD likely get teased and possibly bullied because they were so different from “the norm.” (Whatever that is, I suppose).
Before you completely disagree with me, think about people who take their kids to the orthodontist. *raises hand* Isn’t that a variation of plastic surgery? Correcting crooked teeth? Or people that buy their kids contact lenses. It’s not surgery, but it’s another physical enhancement so they don’t have to wear glasses and stand out from their peers.
I guess it would depend on the situation. If the physical malformation was slight (and again, who decides that, really?), I’d say no. But if it was something as apparent as this poor girl’s ears, then I might have made the same decision.
Granted, kids need to learn to deal with difficult people no matter what they look like – there are mean people in the world who will pick on someone for any little thing because they’re insecure about their lives or something about themselves, but I guess, why make it harder when it’s something that CAN be fixed?
Boy, I don’t know. This is a toughie. I really think it’s a case-by-case situation.
Everything’s fine. I just haven’t felt like writing anything.
And then when I am in the mood to write something, everything seems so trivial and trite when compared to what’s happening in Japan right now.
(image via Google Images)
Hasn’t this disaster in Japan been something else?? First, the biggest earthquake to hit their region, EVER, happens. Then a tsunami destroys already weakened structures and sweeps everything in its path out of the way, then they have to battle their nuclear plants and exposed fuel rods … I just pray they get everything under control and no one gets radiation poisoning.
The poor Japanese people.
They (who exactly is “they”. The mass majority? The news media? If it’s the news media, I take it with a grain of salt) say this is the worst disaster to hit Japan since WWII.
That’s pretty serious, folks.
“They” also say that 1,900 have been found dead, and THOUSANDS are still missing. Holy smokes. Can you imagine trying to find your family in that mess!?!? I’d be FRANTIC.
I read this morning that the funeral parlors just can’t keep up. They only have the capacity to cremate 18 people a day. They’re also out of body bags and coffins and other parlors in the region are sending them both in an attempt to help them out.
This is the stuff of nightmares. Truly.
The pictures … oh Lord, the pictures that are coming in – people crying, their tortured expressions, the sheer devastation around them. It’s all so heart breaking. I just can’t imagine what they’re going through. I pray God we, the United States, never have to endure something so horrific.
For that’s what it is, horrific. There’s really no better word for what is happening over there right now.
When this first happened, my thoughts immediately went to a friend of mine who lives in Japan. Her husband is in the Marines and he’s stationed over there. She has two small boys. Thankfully, she’s far enough away from the mainland that she wasn’t affected and she posted on Facebook that she and her family were okay. I wonder about the radiation, though. If they can’t contain it, then “they” say that the radiation waves could travel as far as Hawaii.
I have a niece who lives in Hawaii.
Times like these, I feel so helpless. I know everyone does. It’s one small comfort to donate funds to the Red Cross so they may help the Japanese, but then what? We all sit idly by and watch in horror as thousands of people’s lives are destroyed.
It’s a very humbling and terribly devastating thing to watch.
Kevin emailed me a link to this video this morning. This guy, out walking his dog (I’m assuming, since the dog in the background won’t shush, but it’s probably just as freaked out as everyone else is by what’s happening), records the quake’s effects on the land around him. It’s pretty amazing to watch the land move back and forth.
Researchers at the University of Arizona say shopping carts and reusable grocery bags are teeming with fecal matter and bacteria, often more than a typical bathroom.
Professor Charles Gerba swabbed the handles of 85 carts in four states for bacterial contamination.
Gerba found 72 percent of the carts had a positive marker for fecal bacteria and half had Escherichia coli (E. coli). He also found reusable shopping bags that are not washed regularly are swarming with bacteria.
Oh …..YUCK!!!!
We’re one of those annoying people who grab a wipe on our way into a store and wipe down the handle and the sides of a shopping cart. Any areas we think we’re going to be touching, and it gets swabbed with a wipe. It’s not that we’re terribly concerned about germs, after all, a few germs are good so your body can build up immunities, but let’s use common sense, too. Those carts are used by a LOT of different people every day. And not everyone is as, er, clean as they should be.
(In fact, I can’t even look at that picture up above – just think how many germs that baby is sucking in! Ew!)
Now keep in mind, this “study” was sponsored by Clorox, so it’s probably a little skewed, (so people will go out and Clorox wipes) but still, it’s definitely something to think about. I know Kevin and I wash our hands immediately after we get home from a trip to Wal-Mart (or anywhere public, for that matter) because I hate to say this, but people? Are sort of nasty germ factories. (And I’m sure we carry around our own unique germs, too!)
I also followed a link from the above article and read about the most germy offices …
A new survey shows which office-based jobs host the most bacteria.
Here is the list, going from careers with the most to least germs on workspace surfaces:
1. Teacher
2. Accountant
3. Banker
4. Radio DJ
5. Doctor
6. Television producer
7. Consultant
8. Publicist
9. Lawyer
University of Arizona microbiologist Charles Gerba, Ph.D., and colleagues did the dirty work. The Clorox Company funded the study and reported the results. These findings are part of a large research project by Gerba on “Germs in the Workplace.”
Average bacteria per square inch of workspace surfaces ranged from 17,800 for teachers to 900 for lawyers, according to the report, which doesn’t specify which bacteria were found.
This was another study sponsored by Clorox, so take it with a grain of salt. But again … it’s food (get it?) for thought! The four worst places for germs found at the desk were: phones, desks, keyboards, and computer mice.
Makes sense.
And I had to laugh when I read this because in case you didn’t notice, I started this article with “Kevin and I were eating lunch at my desk”, so we’re definitely contributing to that bacteria data! Ha!
0 Comments on Brace Yourselves – 72% of Grocery Carts Have Poo on Them as of 3/4/2011 2:41:00 PM
Wow. I can’t believe the mom-o-sphere hasn’t been up in arms about this latest “study.”
And before we go any further, just to set the record straight – I’m a mother. I’m a blogger. But I don’t consider myself a mommy blogger. No disrespect to any mommy bloggers out there, I just don’t put myself into that category. So when I say “mommy bloggers,” I’m not talking about myself, per se. I prefer to observe a group, as opposed to being part of a group, then I can be more objective (and vocal) in my opinions without being boiled alive.
If that makes any sense.
Anyway, here’s a snippet of the article:
WASHINGTON (AFP) – The more mothers work during their children’s lifetimes, the more likely their kids are to be overweight or obese, according to a US study published on Friday.
Researchers from American University in Washington, Cornell University in New York state and the University of Chicago studied data on more than 900 elementary- and middle-school-aged children in 10 US cities.
They found that the total number of years the children’s mothers worked had a cumulative influence on their children’s body mass index (BMI) — the weight to height ratio used to measure if a person is overweight or obese.
The researchers were unable to clearly explain the findings but theorized that because working mothers have little time to shop for healthy food and prepare meals, they and their children eat more fast- and packaged foods, which tend to be high in fat and calories.
I wish the article had linked to the study, I would like to see the data on this “conclusion.”
Though I can sort of buy it. I mean, working parents are pressed for time. And fast food is fast and convenient. And when you have a 1001 things to do when you get home at night, cooking is low priority. And the kids are hungry. And probably whining … and offering healthy choices is a lot of extra work AND expensive.
I’m guilty of doing this from time-to-time. Kevin and I will get home and THE LAST thing we feel like doing is cooking dinner and then cleaning up afterward. So, we’ll go out and grab some Wendy’s (or some other fast food) just so we’ll have more time to relax and do the things we need to do.
We’ll all crunched for time, we all cut corners whenever we can. There’s nothing wrong with that. I guess the problem starts when that’s ALL we do – when we consistently go for the unhealthy shortcuts and skip the healthier options. Eating healthy is not really that hard – if we make a conscious effort to do so and plan ahead.
Dr. Laura’s blog is what first drew my attention to this matter. Here is what she had to say on the matter:
The most important part of this study is the part that gets people mad. Well, it gets moms mad. Children’s chances of becoming fat rises the longer mothers work outside the home. Weight problems among children have soared in the past 3 decades as more women have joined the workforce.
But the main problem children have is the inattention of their mothers, because their mothers are burning the candle from one end to the other and all along the middle. Because women have been bullied by the feminist mentality, they no longer believe being a mother and a wife and a homemaker is an adequate thing for anybody to do.
So they have full-time jobs, kids and a husband. They can’t adequately take care of their kids to make sure they exercise and eat right. …
What studies like this show is how important you are to
0 Comments on Child Obesity Linked to Working Moms and Corporations as of 2/24/2011 11:57:00 AM
(RSS readers – I’ve embedded a video. You probably can’t see it so you’ll have to visit my blog to view it. Sorry about that).
I can totally understand this woman’s frustration.
Kids nowadays ARE self-entitled spoiled brats who whine too much because parents are more concerned with being their friends and not their parents. I’m sure it’s terribly difficult to deal with that kind of attitude in the classroom. Especially nowadays when the kids all know that if anything happens, their parents will become fire-breathing dragons and threaten a law suit. (And trust me, I hear about these kids from my high school boys, too. The disruptions, the attitudes, the blatant disrespect. If half of what they tell me is true [and I take what they tell me with a grain of salt], then it’s a wonder these teachers can teach anything over all the “noise” produced by these troublemakers).
I can’t imagine being a teacher in today’s classrooms. I can totally understand why this woman needed to blow off some steam. I’m not a teacher, but I’ve seen enough bad behavior, just as an outside parent, to make my blood boil. Can you imagine being stuck with the brats every day?
However, I do find her naivety just a bit annoying. She published her first name, last initial AND a picture of herself on her blog – yet she didn’t think anyone would ever find her blog? *snort* Please. The Internet has a LOOOOONG memory. Even if you delete some stuff, it’s possible to find it later and today’s kids? Are computer savvy. They’ve grown up on this stuff so it’s really easy for them to navigate and search things out.
I’ll be interested in what happens to her. If her contract specifically addresses an issue like this, then she will deserve to lose her job, but if not, she didn’t do anything illegal. Was it smart? No. But she has a right to her opinion and she didn’t list the school by name or any specific students so …
I ABHOR ABC news – and I thought the interviewer in this video was purposefully slanting the questions to make the teacher look like the insensitive one (because God forbid we blame the PARENTS of these bratty kids for the way they turned out *dramatic gasp*), BUT, I thought the question she posed to the teacher, asking her how she would feel if her children’s teachers made some sort of remark like that referencing her own children was pretty interesting.
I think if I had been asked that question, I’d say something along the lines of, “if my kids are truly that awful when I’m not around, I’d want to know about it. Because no kid of mine is going to blatantly disrespect their teacher like that.”
And I would. I realize that kids are totally different when they are not around their parents, but if they’re that bad? I want to know. I have no problem with being told my kids are acting like assholes because I live with them. And they can be assholes sometimes. I’m not delusional enough to think my kids are on their best behavior at all times.
But I think most parents WOULDN’T want to know. I w
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We are FRIENDLY to our children, but we are not their FRIENDS.
And I could be wrong, but I firmly believe that it’s (nearly?) impossible to be your child’s parent AND their friend at the same time.
At least, until the child matures and moves out of the house.
I know there are moments that the boys hate me. I’m prepared for it, I expect it. But I also know that when they feel that way, they’re more upset about not getting their way more than actually hating me.
At least, I hope so.
And though I would be lying if I said that it didn’t bother me when they’re upset with me, I get over it, I chock the anger, the dirty looks, the mumbled insults, to simply being part of my job as their mother.
It comes with the territory.
I think because I already possess this mental awareness in my mother arsenal I’m pretty straight forward when it comes to discipline. These are the rules. You follow the rules, we’ll have rainbows and unicorns. You disregard the rules and the hounds of hell will be released, chase you down, and melt your face with their fiery breath.
Not to be overly dramatic or anything.
I know I sound like a broken record here, but Kevin and I have always agreed on the discipline front:
He steps back and allows me to be the bad guy.
It’s worked out beautifully so far.
Seriously, I have usually been the one to dole out the punishments. When the boys were smaller, I whacked them with a wooden spoon whenever they wouldn’t listen to me or were breaking the rules.
Yes, I spanked the boys.
Notice I didn’t say beat the boys.
BIG difference. HUGE, actually.
At any rate, they quickly got the message – mom meant business. And luckily, (because contrary to popular belief I didn’t enjoy it), I didn’t have to get the wooden spoon out very often.
Now that the kids are older, we get them where it really hurts – their games and computers.
We have a deal – give 100% of your attention to school, make the grades you’re capable of making and everything is cool.
Those grades drop, or you start disregarding house rules, and we confiscate the power cords to your computer and/or game consoles/DS’s.
A couple of times of being deprived of their favorite past time and POW, instant obedience.
Kevin and I have agreed on how to discipline the boys, but we’ve not always agreed on the length of their punishment.
It’s funny, but when I’m doing the disciplining, it doesn’t really bother me that much when the boys get mad/sad, etc.
But when Kevin disciplines them for something (and it doesn’t happen often, he has the patience of saints), I find my first instinct is to protect the boys.
“Now honey, don’t you think that’s a little harsh? After all, they only did _______” fill in the blank.
Which only serves to irritate Kevin more.
And rightly so.
I don’t question his judgment in front of the boys. And I rarely try and usurp his authority with the boys, overall. But I have been successful in talking him down from an anger high and reducing their sentences a bit.
Because even though I’m tough and a bit cold-hearted, I am fair.
0 Comments on Disagreeing with Your Partner’s Parenting Decisions as of 1/1/1900
Our kids definitely know the difference between needs and wants.
This is not to say that they haven’t learned to fully appreciate what it means to want something and to need something, (they’re rather spoiled, yes, I said it), but they know the difference. And I hope, when that day comes when they have to choose between the newest gadget on the market or say, eating, they 1. can first determine which is more important and 2. end up with full tummies.
Short of sitting our boys down and going through our checkbook with them, they know our financial situation. They don’t know precise numbers (and it’s really none of their business, quite frankly), but they know when money is tight and when it’s not so tight.
Money is tight for us right now.
With Kevin out of work and me staying home to take care of him until he can get back on his feet (though he’s on his feet now and we’re fast approaching that day when he will no longer need me 24/7), neither one of us is working. We’re okay, we have some money in savings, our house is paid for, our cars are paid off, we don’t have a lot of debt, but still, we’re penny pinching.
Though our boys have never been the type of kids to nag, beg, or throw fits if they didn’t get what they wanted, they haven’t really wanted much. As long as they have their games, Internet connection, and Mountain Dew, they’re happy campers. And if a new game comes out and they’re dying for it, they can either A. pay for it themselves with birthday/Christmas money or B. wait until their birthdays and/or Christmas comes around.
We do not give our kids an allowance. If they want something, they can work for it (and by working for it they can either do something around the house that isn’t automatically expected of them, or they can continue to be good students so that if they want something, we’re more apt to say yes), or they can play the waiting game and wait for it.
So, our boys have a pretty good sense of how important money is and when they have it, to spend it wisely. Dude is especially good about this. In fact, I daresay he’s cheap (like his momma). But Jazz … is perhaps not so careful about his money. I can see him impulse buying. In fact, it amuses me whenever Jazz wants something and Dude is all like, “Why do you want that? Why don’t you wait a few more weeks when it’s bound to either go on sale or end up free online somewhere.”
In essence, he talks him off that spending ledge.
All of this to say, YES, I think it’s crucial that parents talk to their kids about the economy. About the importance of spending money wisely, of saving money and staying out of debt, of working hard and finding that balance between enjoying the fruits of their labor and managing their money wisely.
Especially now, in the age of instant gratification and this feeling that they are somehow ENTITLED to life’s little luxuries.
Um … NO.
It’s also important to teach them Economics 101. About how supply and demand work and what happens to prices when that gets out of whack. Or how government CAN be a good thing, as long as they don’t become TOO intrusive and want to take control over nearly every aspects of our lives.
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When the Second Continental Congress adopted the American flag on June 14, 1777, the thirteen stripes alternating red and white, and thirteen white stars in a blue field, represented “a new constellation.” On Flag Day, and throughout National Flag Week, we celebrate its lasting luminosity, and the enduring American story that it represents.
Although the configuration of stars and stripes has changed over the years it has been flown, its significance and symbolism have not wavered. The flag that once helped unite a new Nation to confront tyranny and oppression still flies today as an unequivocal emblem of freedom and liberty. The same flag that has been raised on beaches and battlefields still adorns the uniforms of our heroic sons and daughters serving in America’s Armed Forces, including our troops serving in harm’s way in Iraq and Afghanistan.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim June 14, 2010, as Flag Day and the week beginning June 13, 2010, as National Flag Week. I direct the appropriate officials to display the flag on all Federal Government buildings during that week, and I urge all Americans to observe Flag Day and National Flag Week by displaying the flag. I also call upon the people of the United States to observe with pride and all due ceremony those days from Flag Day through Independence Day, also set aside by the Congress (89 Stat. 211), as a time to honor America, to celebrate our heritage in public gatherings and activities, and to publicly recite the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America.
Are you proudly displaying YOUR American Flag?
WE ARE!
Aren’t you PROUD to be an American?!
WE ARE!
Doesn’t it make you crazy whenever you hear about people who diss the flag and/or get offended whenever someone wears a flag t-shirt or displays the flag at a gathering/office/school?
YES IT DOES!
I saw a tweet on Twitter this morning and it’s been eating at me ever since.
Now I ask you who, in their right mind, would be offended by his/her own country’s flag at any given moment?
I truly don’t understand where people are coming from here.
Care to enlighten me?
I mean, if people truly hate this country SO MUCH, then why don’t they move to another country? If flying our nation’s flag, the flag that represents the struggles and the lives of so many men and women who died to defend her, truly offends people, then why in God’s name are they still on American soil? WHY do we kowtow to these insensitive, unpatriotic boobs?
I, for one, will not tolerate anyone bad mouthing or decimating our flag, or our heritage. And people, if we don’t stop these “offended” nutjobs all in the name of being “politically correct,” then what the hell kind of message is that sending to our military men and women?
To our children?
Have we really become a nation with our tail between our legs?
What kind of message is that sending to the rest of the world? Exactly how is that honoring the men and women who have DIED for this country these nearly 234 years??