Login or Register for free to create your own customized page of blog posts from your favorite blogs. You can also add blogs by clicking the "Add to MyJacketFlap" links next to the blog name in each post.
Blog Posts by Tag
In the past 7 days
Blog Posts by Date
Click days in this calendar to see posts by day or month
Viewing: Blog Posts Tagged with: querying, Most Recent at Top [Help]
Results 1 - 21 of 21
How to use this Page
You are viewing the most recent posts tagged with the words: querying in the JacketFlap blog reader. What is a tag? Think of a tag as a keyword or category label. Tags can both help you find posts on JacketFlap.com as well as provide an easy way for you to "remember" and classify posts for later recall. Try adding a tag yourself by clicking "Add a tag" below a post's header. Scroll down through the list of Recent Posts in the left column and click on a post title that sounds interesting. You can view all posts from a specific blog by clicking the Blog name in the right column, or you can click a 'More Posts from this Blog' link in any individual post.
This week Kelly and JJ live-critique five queries submitted for review. Thank you to everyone who sent us their queries! We would love nothing more than to be able to provide personalized critique to each and every one of you, but unfortunately we don’t have all the time in the world.
Subscribe to us on iTunes, Stitcher, Soundcloud, or use this feed to subscribe through your podcast service of choice! If you like us, please, please, please leave a rating or review, as it helps other listeners find the podcast. We cherish each and every one of you who have taken the time to leave us feedback; you’re the stars in our sky!
Show Notes
We had more than five queries submitted to us, and unfortunately we were unable to get to them all. However, if you guys find this sort of thing helpful, we are thinking of keeping this query critique thing going and maybe doing a critique podcast every quarter or so. Let us know your thoughts!
We received about 15 queries, so we picked five that we thought demonstrated a breadth of concerns.
Across the board, we saw a lot of telling, not showing.
We also saw queries that told us “My book is about [insert theme here].” That’s all fine, but it’s necessary in a query, and it’s wasting space. The story is more important than what the book is about.
Specifics always make us care more. Don’t be afraid to give us specific details. Vagueness is confusing, not enticing.
Query #1
According to your profile you are actively seeking children’s books that feature “adorakble” protagonists, and I think my story picturebook, TITLE, fits the kind of text you hope to market. My intent for the book is to broaden children’s exposure to music and encourage mixing different styles, while developing a sense of empathy. Each book in the TITLE series would include a brief history of the instruments featured alongside a bar of simple music that could be played with a recorder. The nonfiction and interactive elements would especially appeal to gifted elementary readers. What happens when you’re the Captain of the Watch’s son returning home from a summer at Hero Camp, but you never mastered Highly Stylized Defenestration? Billy McDougal knows he doesn’t have what it takes to follow in the footsteps of his father and brothers, who are already considered heroes in the community. All of this changes when he finds an old bugle in the attic. His best friend, Claire Annette, encourages him to harness its power to help protect the town of Crescendo from a series of attacks by wild beasts who are in thrall to a mysterious figure with an enchanted Theremin. TITLE stories are set to feature a cast of multicultural characters who each represent different genres of music, from strings and percussion to beatboxing, and use their talents to protect their hometown from a mysterious and vengeful villain. One of my overarching themes is that “villains” are typically only lashing out after having been hurt themselves. The antagonist of the series, Leo, believes himself to be a hero avenging his sister, a musical prodigy who was left deaf after an accident. She is unaware of Leo’s actions and the climax of the series involves her mediating an alliance between her brother and the band. I have a BA in creative writing from SCHOOL and have been teaching Language Arts for nearly a decade. During the summer I am an instructor at NAME OF CENTER where I work with gifted fourth and fifth graders in the Writing Workshop: Modern Fantasy course. I have seen firsthand how kids can channel their energy into creative outlets, and the results are amazing. I think Billy’s story can inspire the next generation and inform them of music’s historical relevance with hands-on application.
Thank you very much for your time and I hope you enjoy my submission!
Talking about your book doesn’t tell us what the story is. There’s a lot here we like, but we can’t really figure out what’s happening: we get a lot about what the book is trying to do, but the query doesn’t prove any of it. Similarly, is this a picture book? Nonfiction? A novel? Without a clear idea of what this book is, an agent will not know how or where to sell it.
Query #2
When Nora’s research leads her to a secret world of time travel, she becomes a marked woman and experiences a love that could change the past and destroy the present. Her story is TITLE, a 76,000-word contemporary fantasy.
When Nora travels to France to dig deeper into her late mother’s time travel theories, she meets Henri, a man who claims to be a twelfth-century prince and the man she knows will one day become King Henry II of England.
Henri’s struggle for the throne brings him to the twenty-first century to find a relic from a 900-year-old shipwreck, recently recovered from the bottom of the English Channel. Nora joins his quest, thrilled to find living proof of time travel and eager to uncover more details about her mother’s research. But in her growing attraction to the prince, Nora ignores important signs that Henri is not being completely honest with her.
Helping Henri sets Nora firmly in the crosshairs of a dangerous group, the Guardians, who will stop at nothing to prevent time travel. Nora and Henri race across France to find the relic that will secure Henri’s kingdom before the Guardians silence them forever. When the Guardians finally abduct her and expose Henri’s lies, a shattered Nora realizes that her decision to trust him and ultimately love him could change the past and the present.
TITLE combines historical intrigue in the spirit of Anne Forstier’s The Lost Sisterhood with the lighthearted romantic feel of Lauren Willig’s Pink Carnation series. This novel, along with most of my writing, is inspired by the piles of research I did for my Master of Arts in History. My short stories have been finalists for the Thomas Wolfe Fiction Prize and the Writer’s Workshop Fiction Contest and have been published in online literary magazines and several small press anthologies, including Copperfield Review. I live in Charlotte, NC, where I’m plotting more adventures for Nora and spinning non-magical historical tales.
The first [insert number] of pages are pasted below, and the complete manuscript is available upon request. Thank you so much for reading, and I hope to hear from you soon.
This query has a lot of potential, but it is unfortunately a bit too vague. Lots of exciting things are happening—time travel, historical figures, romance, intrigue—but we have no specifics. Without specifics, we don’t have stakes. What exactly is the relic that will help cement Henri’s claim to the throne? Why are the Guardians trying to prevent time travel? What is Henri’s secret? Also, protip: We would pick Susanna Kearsley as your comp.
Query #3
Dear [Agent],
Yesterday, Jordan’s biggest fear was being outed as genderqueer. Today, he’s trying to stop the world’s largest video game company from becoming the next Big Brother before they kill him and his friends.
Jordan and his two gaming partners just won tickets for Cruise Con, a convention-at-sea hosted by the company that produces their favorite MMORPG. All they have to do is beta test a new game world with the other contest winners. But after the trial, an anonymous gamer tells them they missed something, and threatens their families if they don’t find it. Jordan wants to go to the police, but cops won’t reach the ship in time, and the security officers on board may not be trustworthy.
Then another curious gamer is killed, and Jordan and his friends get caught in a race to expose a lethal technology hidden in the game’s code before the tech is used against them.
TITLE is a 62,000-word young adult thriller with LGBTQ characters that will appeal to fans of Ernest Cline and Cory Doctorow’s Little Brother.
I have a B.A. in Classics from SCHOOL and an M.S. in library and information sciences from the OTHER SCHOOL. When not writing, I work as a public librarian, connecting readers with books they will love.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
We love this! We just want more! Where we need a little bit of expansion is “But after the trial, an anonymous gamer tells them they missed something, and threatens their families if they don’t find it.” There is a lot in that one sentence that we need clarification on: what did they miss? Is it lethal? (As we find out in a later paragraph.) What are the consequences? How does it kill people? How does the anonymous gamer threaten their families? Who is the villain of this story?
Query #4
Dear __________,
Eleven-year-old twins Seamus and Grady lead a life most boys can only dream of. They have rich, doting parents who never scold them, chuckle when they play hooky from school and give them whatever they want. They accidentally find out why. Turns out, they’re not Americans – heck, they’re not even human. They are twenty-first century, ex-pat leprechauns soon to possess awesome powers … if they can acquire a pot of gold each.
Unfortunately, pots of gold don’t come easy in their hometown of Boston, so they have to look elsewhere. The twins end up in Africa with an ancient map and a plan to find the lost treasure of Prester John, a mighty king who stashed his loot somewhere in Ethiopia. No quest comes without peril and standing in their way is the undead spirit of a giant African chief who guards the hoard and believes that by sacrificing the boys, he can return to the world of the living … and rule it. Can the twins outsmart a wily specter plus a few other sundry obstacles, acquire their pot of gold and live to ride the rainbow back home?
TITLE is my debut novel. It is a 45,000-word fun adventure aimed at children aged 9-12. It will appeal to readers who enjoy imaginative and fast-paced action books. With a hefty dollop of magic, of course.
I have a BA in Journalism SCHOOL in Montreal and work as a freelance writer to support my creative writing addiction. As per your submission guidelines, I am attaching a synopsis of my story and my manuscript.
Thank you for your time and consideration and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
This is clever and cute, and as a middle grade story, it’s right in the sweet spot of adventure and whimsy. However, we do want to caution you about the potential for appropriation in a story where two white boys go on an adventure in a monolithic “Africa”.
Query #5
The Crummett siblings have each adapted their lives to fit within the oppressive boundaries of their parents’ expectations. Whether it’s for money, approval, respect, or love, all the children have manipulated their lives conform to the family standards. But when Olive, the youngest and most beloved sister, ends up pregnant outside of wedlock and dares to be happy about it everything changes. Seeing Olive boldly step outside the shadow of their parents ridged expectations forces each of the siblings to question the fundamental motivations on which they have built their lives. This new perspective sends them each on their own unique journey.
Olive’s closest sister, Sam, goes through a heartrending non-surgical abortion the day before she finds out about Olive’s pregnancy and now has to negotiate an emotional landscape scattered with the question “what if.” The oldest brother, William, a gay man whose parents refer to his long-time partner as his “black friend,” realizes that the only thing holding him back from fully engaging in life is fear of his parents’ disapproval. The oldest “perfect daughter,” Vivian, reignites a relationship she’d sabotaged with too much drinking and unexamined anger over events from her past. And the youngest sibling, twenty-one-year-old Mark, responds in typical fashion by pretending not to give a shit while actually feeling even more disgruntled with and disconnected from his siblings than before.
During this tumultuous time, a new family dynamic begins to take shape: bonds are formed between once distant siblings, close relationships are put to the test, and Mark’s bitter resentment towards his siblings turns dangerous. When the siblings find themselves face to face for the first time since Olive’s announcement tensions run high, and a final act of selfish rage sets off a series of events which end in a tragedy that threatens to destroy them all.
The Crummett siblings live up and down the West Coast in Portland, San Francisco, and Los Angeles, but their lives are intimately woven together as the point of view shifts from one sibling to the next after each phone call or in-person interaction between siblings. This flow of perspective creates the experience of a natural sibling dynamic while also giving readers the opportunity to learn about each character through their own thoughts as well as the observations and judgments of their siblings.
TITLE is upmarket women’s fiction and is complete at 100,300 words.
This is pretty much ready to go. It’s a little wordy; we would cut the last sentence of the first paragraph and excise the last paragraph entirely, but otherwise, this is gold. Query away, and good luck!
Hey all, Hannah here! Last week, I spoke in depth about how to summarize your novel for a query. The month before, I gave some tips on little ways to take yours to the next level. Today, I’m going to go into a bit more depth about some of the larger mistakes I often see that might give agents a reason to reject a query.
This is a hard truth: many agents receive hundreds of queries a week, and yours will, someday, be among them. When an agent reads so many queries every day (if they are lucky enough to find the time among all of their other responsibilities), it sometimes becomes easier to find reasons to reject a query, rather than reasons not to.
The number biggest reason a query gets rejected, aside from simply not fitting an agent’s list or tastes? A query that betrays poor to no research. So without further ado, here are some mistakes I regularly see that tell me a querier has jumped the gun.
Mistake: Telling instead of showing.
Yes, this is true in queries as well as fiction. Every so often I’ll see a query that has a very short summary, often even more like a logline, detailing the very broad plot points of the story, followed by many paragraphs explaining character motivation and themes.
For example:
When a girl and a boy are thrust into an emotional situation, they are forced to confront the realities of friendship and go on a search for the meaning of life.
I wanted to write this book because the themes of lost love and identity speak to me, and, as someone who has experienced a terrible breakup, I felt I was the best person to tell this story. Michelle and Tony are best friends but I wanted to drive an emotional wedge between them in the form of a third love interest.
Etc.
This tendency comes from not knowing how to summarize your story. Rather than over-explaining to the point of confusion, the story is under-explained to the point of being too broad. Anyone who still doubts their ability to summarize their novel well should check out last week’s post for guidance. Because an agent should be able to tell quite clearly from the stakes you outline in the summary what your character’s motivations are.
Mistake: Explaining this is the first book you’ve written/that it’s recently completed OR calling this your debut/yourself a debut writer
This is a mistake because it highlights you as possibly inexperienced whether you are or want to be framed that way. It isn’t pertinent information – it changes nothing about your story, how you summarize your story, or anything within your bio. The only thing it does is tell me that there’s a possibility you haven’t done your research.
There is no need to point out if this is your first book or your fiftieth. Let the work speak for itself.
Mistake: Confusing “personalizing your query” for “restating the submission page on the website”
This actually a very easy mistake to make. We often see advice that suggests personalizing a query by telling the agent why you chose him or her. This shows the agent that you didn’t just mass email your query – you took time and put thought into who you contacted.
But what I often see instead of “I noticed quirky, adventurous middle grade on your #MSWL, and felt my manuscript fit the bill”, is: “I went to your website and saw that you are looking for thrillers and upmarket fiction and romance and that you enjoy working with new authors. Therefore I am emailing you.”
Here’s the thing: the agent knows what’s on the website. Don’t waste valuable query space repeating it. That space should be for you and your story. And if you don’t have something more specific to personalize with, that’s okay! If you chose the agent based on what the website says he or she wants, just start with your hook and go from there.
Mistake: Naming more than three characters.
A long, confusing summary often gets that way when too many characters are named in a query. The moment you name a character is the moment you tell a reader that character is important. Perhaps you have more than one main character – maybe you have five, or seven! It doesn’t matter. Pick your most important character, the one whose struggle your book is ultimately about, and focus your query on him or her. After that, only name those who absolutely must be named in relation to the summary. If you can help it, try not to name more than three characters. The person reading your query will (hopefully) be far less confused.
One of the things I struggled with when querying was exactly this problem – knowing who to name and who to leave out. But trust me: it can be done.
Mistake: Using bad comp titles.
This one is actually really hard to get right, in my opinion, and if you aren’t entirely certain, just don’t use them. Do they help? Only if they’re spot on.
Using books that are huge sellers/extremely well-loved is generally a no-no. Why? Because comparing yourself to J.K. Rowling or Suzanne Collins or Stephen King goes back to the haughty or poorly researched issue. It’s much safer to use titles that do/have done well enough and are known, but not so huge that you look arrogant or ignorant of other good books. It’s also generally best to use something more current – more than a couple years old and they begin to lose relevance.
See? Told you it was tough.
Another question I sometimes get: can a querier use TV shows or films as comp titles? The answer is…yes and no. Tread lightly here. I wouldn’t use more than one TV/film comp title, and if you do, it’s often helpful to balance it with a book title. Lots of agents feel differently in this category – some hate when queriers use TV/film titles, and some really like it. If you aren’t sure, do your research. Check out an agent’s twitter, interviews they have done, etc. If there are no answers to be found and you aren’t 110% certain of the titles you’ve chosen? Skip them. This is another area where it’s best to err on the side of caution.
It’s true that there are writers who make mistakes like these and still get agents. All of publishing is subjective – what bothers one agent may not bother another. The format one agent loves, another might hate. But being informed and well-researched shows in a query, no matter who you’re querying. And that is far more valuable than you realize.
Once again, I hope this has been useful. Good luck to everyone in their querying endeavors!
Hey guys! Hannah here. Last month, I posted some tips on little ways to take your query out of the blah zone. JJ and Kelly also posted an awesome podcast on the query process.
When giving query advice, a lot of us take for granted that you’ll know what we mean when we tell you a query must have a short synopsis of your story. We also take for granted that you’ll figure out how to do this in 300 words or fewer. I’d like to talk a bit more about what goes into creating a good, cohesive summary that will entice an agent to read more in just a few paragraphs.
You’ve probably seen a lot of advice that tells you a good query is comprised of a hook followed by a summary of your story, ending with a bio and a few sentences on why you chose the agent you are querying. Structurally, this is sound. But when you have a sprawling epic with many perspectives, or even a quietly complex contemporary, it can be tough to know how best to distill your story into a summary that makes sense.
What I usually see in the slush is this: a summary that goes over many of the big points in the plot but rushes through due to lack of page space and direction. The agent reading might miss key plot points, or have no idea what that made-up word is. Maybe the summary began too deep into the story, and the agent is confused by the list of events. These questions are distracting for a query reader, and can bring them out of a query quick.
So how do you summarize your novel and do it well? We have a tendency to think we must somehow shove the entire plot into this tiny space. But that isn’t actually the case. The best summaries (even the sprawling, epic ones) contain these: your inciting incident, your main conflict, the plan, and the stakes.
Before we get into the summary, let’s talk about the hook. There are two reasons why your hook is so important. Number one: It’s the hook! Okay, that one is obvious. It’s designed to give agents a peak into your character that entices them into reading more. Number two: if done well, it should help you cut huge swaths of fluff from your summary.
A good hook tells us about the character and the conflict in one go. I’m taking this example of a hook from Erin Bowman’s post Querying: The Do’s and Don’ts (thanks, Erin!), to show you what I mean:
Gray Weathersby is counting down the days until his eighteenth birthday with dread, for in the primitive and isolated town of Claysoot, a boy’s eighteenth is marked not by celebration, but by his disappearance.
We know who the main character is, we know something personal about him when the book opens, and we know what his conflict is going to be. I’m intrigued to keep reading.
Next: What is an inciting incident? This is that moment when the status quo is no more, and the character is forced to take action. This is a step I often see skipped in queries, resulting in a strangely disjointed summary.
Figure out what the inciting moment is for your character, and tell us about it. For example, a precious jewel is stolen from a museum—this is the catalyst for the Private Eye to enter the picture and solve the mystery. Or, your protagonists loses her job and instead of applying elsewhere, chooses to fulfill a dream and travel the world. Tell me about the moment when everything your character thought she knew is turned on its head.
Now that your character has been called to action, tell us what needs to be accomplished. This is where you flesh out your conflict. We don’t need each and every detail; just enough to show us what the protagonist must overcome. The P.I. must now solve the mystery of the stolen diamond—but a nefarious gang will stop at nothing, including murder, to prevent it from happening. And, the more the P.I. digs, the more he unearths about a political conspiracy (give some detail on that conspiracy) attached to the diamond theft. The World Traveler has all of her money stolen in a foreign country. The hostel where she was staying burns down with all of her worldly possessions. Maybe she, too, stumbles into a political conflict she knows nothing about.
So what are your characters going to do about it? They have decisions to make. These decisions are informed by the stakes. For a lowly P.I., getting in the middle of a nefarious gang AND a political conspiracy might not be worth it. So tell me why he gets involved anyway. Is he blackmailed? Does he have a personal tie to a person or plan within the gang or the conspiracy? Tell us why he MUST solve the murder, and what is at stake for him if he doesn’t. For the World Traveler who has lost everything, tell us how she plans to get home, what she must sacrifice to do it, and what happens if she fails. Is her father dying back home? Is her sister getting married? Is her house set for demolition? Why is it important for her to overcome this conflict?
A note on fantasy: it’s very tempting to try and give all the backstory about the world, its magical systems, its government, or its religion. These are things you’ve worked hard on – your story is not the same without these elements. But if character IS story (and it is), then the most important thing is to make us understand your character’s struggle at the most basic level. Leave the made-up words and the complicated hierarchies out of the query.
When you look at the summary in this way, you can see that even sprawling epics can be broken down into short summaries. These components make up the heart of the story, and that’s what an agent wants to see in a query.
I hope this has been useful! If anyone is interested in a Part Three, let me know below!
Hi all! Stephanie here, with my good buddy and fellow pub-crawler, Stacey Lee! Today we are talking TITLES.
Stephanie: If you’re a writer, chances are you’ve had to come up with a title. And if you’re a writer with an agent or editor, chances are, at some point, you have either been asked to change your title, or you will be asked this in the future. And, like so many other facets of writing, changing a title is far easier said than done.
Stacey: All three of my books have had title changes. The original titles weren’t bad, but they didn’t make it through the gauntlet of tests set forth by the publisher. The name must be memorable and evocative, there cannot be any similar competing titles, it can’t be trendy, it must be a title that sales and marketing can rally behind, etc. At the time of writing this, I am pressing a headache bag to my head because of the pain involved with brainstorming titles.
Stephanie: So, we have come up with a list of nifty tips that will hopefully make this potentially painful process much easier, and hopefully fun!
Stacey & Stephanie’s Tips on How To Create an Awesome Title
1. Look through your MS and see if there are any words or phrases that stand out.
Stacey: Even better, have a friend go through it for you. After reading your manuscript two thousand times, a pair of objective eyes may be able to see something you can’t. This is how Under a Painted Sky got its title. (Shout out to fellow writer Virginia Boecker for finding it for me!)
2. Create a Word List For Your Book.
Stephanie: I always start with words that reflect my genre. I felt this was especially important for when I was querying, because I wanted agents to immediately know what genre what my book was.
For example, if you are writing a space opera, start with nouns like Galaxy, Universe, Moon, Planet, Stars, Comet. Then move onto adjectives that reflect the feel of your book, Twisted, Warped, Broken, Fractured, Hopeless, Insidious. See how these brief lists show that this is going to be a dark space book?
During this phase no words should be off limits, although it’s a good idea to take a trip to your bookstore (or scroll through lists of upcoming books on Goodreads) to see if there are any overused words. You don’t want your title to go unnoticed because it sounds too familiar.
For speculative writers, there’s an interesting post on Tor.com about the most commonly used words in fantasy and sci-fi books.
3. Look at poetry. Revisit Shakespeare.
Stacey: For Outrun the Moon, this is exactly what I did. Poetry lends itself to beautiful titles; you will find unique and evocative ways of expressing things and words you never thought of using. Start with a symbol or theme in your book. For Outrun The Moon, I Googled words like ‘survival,’ ‘earthquake,’ ‘catastrophe,’ and ‘earth,’ together with the word ‘poem.’ Also, there’s the side benefit of getting to read poetry (admittedly, not all of good), which apparently makes you smarter. I reread Coleridge’s Rime of the Ancient Mariner and forgot what a cool poem it is.
4. Write down a series of brief (or not so brief) sentences that you feel encompass your novel/an aspect of your novel.
Stephanie: One of my favorite titles is The Day the Crayons Quit. Not only is it clever and fun, it tells you exactly what this picture book is about. This book could have just been called Crayons—it’s an easy to remember title, and there are pros to short titles (short titles are easy to tweet), but there can also be benefits to coming up with a longer sentence.
And even if you don’t use any of these sentences, the great thing about this step is that it can reveal fresh new ways to approach your title. Most books are about more than one thing. Think of your major plot points, characters, and themes, then write a short sentence for each one. For this step, don’t start by focusing on word choice, think more about the message each line conveys, then go back and substitute any overused words for more evocative choices.
5. Play the Title Game.
This is where our good old friends the index cards come in. You also may want a sharpie, because everything is easier to read when written in sharpie (we especially like ones with pretty colors).
Now, remember the list we had you write for number two? Pull it out. Write every word on it’s own index card. Once you’re done, make sure there are an equal number of adjectives and nouns, then separate them into two groups. Now make a list of conjunctions and propositions. If you haven’t included any verbs, toss in some of those too—and make sure to keep these piles of words separate from your nouns and adjectives.
Once you’re done, randomly deal out your index cards. We usually start by pulling out an adjective and noun. Then toss in a word or two from my other piles and see what happens. The key to making this work is keeping it random so that every time you deal out the cards new, fresh titles are generated.
When you finish it should look something like the picture below.
In case you couldn’t tell, these titles are for an unwritten book about killer clowns from outer space
6. Be Ready To Let Go.
Stacey: Sometimes, even after you think you’ve come up with the perfect, evocative, watertight title, it still may not fly. A book is collaboration; you’re trying to put out a great story in the best ‘package’ possible, and that may mean letting some things go.
7. Now That You’re Done, Don’t Forget to Google Your Title.
Also, make sure to look it up on Goodreads, Amazon, and IMDB. Books are listed on Goodreads before they are listed on Amazon, so it’s always good to make sure that your fancy new title is not the same title Suzanne Collin’s or John Green has chosen for their next book. It’s also a good idea to check out IMDB, in case your book is ever optioned for film.
Those are top title tips! Now we’d love to hear from you. What advice can you share when coming up with a title?
Hey all! JJ here. Here at PubCrawl we’re super excited to introduce some new and awesome developments that have been brewing for a while, the chiefest of which is a PODCAST. That’s right, we are getting to the podcasting game, mostly because Kelly and I are podcast junkies with Lots of Opinions. Anyway, enjoy our inaugural episode and please don’t judge too harshly!
Apologies for some audio issues. Apparently JJ needs to wear tight-fitting clothes so the sound of cloth rubbing against the desk doesn’t get picked up by her fancy-schmancy mic. This is a work in progress.
It’s TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART sung by Vicomte de Chagny and an ingenue named Sarah as a VAMPIRE LOVE DUET. I mean, c’mon.
It’s All Coming Back to Me Now (as performed by Jeremy Jordan)
That’s it for this week! Next week, we’ll be discussing SUBMISSIONS AND ACQUISITIONS. As always, if you have any questions or comments, sound off in the comments, or ask us on Tumblr!
We are working on getting a feed up to iTunes, so bear with us! We promise we’re on it; it’s just that the technical aspects of all this is somewhat new to us. :)
DO NOT LOOK UP THE BROADWAY VERSION. Despite having Michael Crawford and Rene Auberjonois, it was…terrible. ↩
Guys. Queries are hard. This is an undisputed fact of the agent-acquiring process. These days a lot of agents ask for the first 5-30 pages of your manuscript when you query, because it’s so much easier to tell if a story is good by reading, well, the actual story. But the query is the hook—the bait that gets the agent past that first page and into your story.
I read queries on the daily. A lot of them. As a literary assistant, it’s one of my many responsibilities. I need to be able to tell, just from that one page, if your book is something the agent and I will want to read. I need to see just how I would pitch it to an editor. And I need to see that you know your stuff. Have you done your research? Or did you scribble off a quick note and hit SEND ALL?
The queries that stand out are either very good, or very bad. But there are a lot of queries that get stuck in the middle—that strange wasteland of almost-there, but just not quite. Chances are, a lot of you are in that boat. Most of us, even those who have agents, have written blah query letters. And I know PubCrawlers are smart. You have done your research, much of it on this very website. I don’t need to tell you not to send attachments, or not to write your bio in the third person. I don’t need to tell you not to call your manuscript a future bestseller, the most unique piece of fiction ever written, a story that will apply to all of the audiences that ever existed!
So I’m not going to talk about the basics. You guys KNOW the basics. I’m going to talk about those little things that maybe don’t seem problematic at first glance. But fixing these can go a long way toward helping the viability of your query overall
1. Don’t start your letter with all the details about how you came to write this book.
Writing is exciting. How you came to be a writer is exciting. The fact that it’s your first, or second, or millionth novel ever is exciting. But they are most exciting to you—in a query, these things clog up your first paragraph and waste valuable space. Before he or she has ever met you or read your work, an agent doesn’t care how you got started writing. As much as it matters to you (and it does matter!), it’s best to leave it out. It will not change how he or she feels about your story.
2. Be careful creating “atmosphere” before launching into your hook.
It can feel gimmicky. Unless your setting is basically a character itself, it’s best to stay away from this method. For example:
Castle Pelimere is deep and dark, inhabited by angry spirits and on the verge of certain doom. For a hundred years it has stood, and now, thanks to the Everlasting Nothing that has circled its walls for centuries, it is all about to come crashing down.
Jody Brody is a teenage pickpocket with no other skills and no other prospects. When Castle Pelimere needs a hero, Jody steps up to the plate.
I know, I know—this is a very obvious example. But it serves the point—character is story, and when I’m scanning through queries, I’m more interested in Jody Brody the pickpocket than the plight of Castle Pelimere.
3. Don’t relate two unrelated ideas in your hook.
You would be shocked how often I see this. Shocked, I tell you. An example:
Marty Schmarty is not your typical jock—he’s been taking ballet since before he could walk, and he’s better than half the girls in his class. But when he’s offered a football scholarship to his dream school, he learns what it really means to be part of a team.
Again, another extreme example. But writing a good hook is a huge part of the battle when it comes to queries. A good hook can make me perk up and pay attention. In this case, the writer has written something that “sounds hooky” and “adds character”. It makes me pay attention—then has no pay-off. Marty’s a pro at ballet, and this is set up as a key quality—then is not mentioned again.
4. Be confident…to a point.
There is nothing wrong with being proud of the story you wrote. It takes a huge amount of confidence to query a book (we’re all writers here, we can admit this). But it’s not up to you to decide whether your writing is of the same caliber as authors you have emulated or been inspired by, or if it’s beautifully lyrical or powerful and gritty—that is for your readers, and that includes any agents you are querying, to decide.
5. Be wary of the false choice.
Technically, a false choice refers to a situation where two choices are given as the only possible option—even though more choices may be viable. In this case, I’m using to describe it as a situation given in a query, wherein a character has what appear to be two choices—but only one of those choices is actually viable. Still with me?
Okay, so you’ve laid out your hook, given a short synopsis, and now it’s time to present the dramatic question. Your character must do x or y. But when you present a false choice, it becomes clear right away which path your character will and must choose. At first glance, it isn’t always clear you’ve presented a false choice. For example:
Jake must choose between saving the woman he loves from the mob and escaping to the Bahamas, or turning himself in and confessing to his crimes, even if it means her death.
Maybe turning himself in might be the right thing to do, but unless this is a morality play, the choice here is not actually black and white. When questions like this are presented at the end of a query, I can’t help but roll my eyes—I know what Jake is going to do. He’s going to choose the Bahamas. And if he doesn’t, then you need to do a fantastic job of setting up the why within your query. Again, the above is extreme example, but I encourage you to take a look at the stakes in your own query and find out whether what you’ve presented is a real dilemma, or a false choice. I want the questions you present to make me go, “MUST READ AND FIND OUT THE ANSWER!”
So the gist of these suggestions comes out to: Make me want to read your book. Seriously, give me no other option. You wrote a whole book. You know how to put words together on a page—this is just a different kind of writing. One that forces you to think about how to condense what you’ve written, and lay it out in a way that is tight and enticing. I promise you—it is doable. It’s hard, it’s often confusing, and sometimes it can take multiple drafts to get right. But it can be done!
I hope this is useful, and I wish everyone who is currently writing their query, Good Luck!
Last month I asked what we could do to make PubCrawl a better, stronger, more useful resource for our readers. Over a hundred fifty of you took the time to fill out our survey and give us some feedback. We’re still in the process of sifting through all your comments and implementing changes, but in the meantime, as a thank you for sharing your thoughts, I want to offer up a query giveaway.
One trend that was immediately apparent in our survey was that we still have a lot of aspiring writers reading Pub Crawl, so posts on craft, querying, and breaking into the industry are always welcome. With that in mind, here’s a quick recap on queries.
DO:
DO personalize your query. (“I saw on on twitter you’re looking for X and thought you might like…”)
DO keep it around 250-250 words.
DO be professional and succinct.
DO include your bio and relevantreferences, such as major literary awards or writing organization memberships. (It’s okay if you don’t have any. I didn’t! Just sign off with your name, address, phone/email)
DO mention genre, word count, and (if applicable) comp titles.
DO polish the query until it shines. Every word should be necessary and purposeful.
DO proof it carefully (several times!) and read it aloud before sending. You only have one chance at a first impression.
DON’T:
DON’T tell the agent how great the book is. Let the query speak for itself.
DON’T open with hypothetical questions, use first person narration, or experiment with other unique approaches.
DON’T spell out the ending. That’s for a synopsis. The query should be the premise and hook. (Read the flap copy of your favorite books for inspiration.)
DON’T submit to multiple agents within the same agency at once. (If agent #1 passes, then you can query agent #2 at that agency. Unless they have a “no from one means no from all” policy.)
DON’T give up. Remember that every published writer has been through rejection—every last one—and it only takes one “yes.”
Basic Query Format
In my opinion, Nathan Bransford still has the best “fill in the blanks” query worksheet. It looks like this:
Dear [Agent name],
I chose to submit to you because of your wonderful taste in [genre], and because you [personalized tidbit about agent].
[protagonist name] is a [description of protagonist] living in [setting]. But when [complicating incident], [protagonist name] must [protagonist’s quest] and [verb] [villain] in order to [protagonist’s goal].
[title] is a [word count] work of [genre]. I am the author of [author’s credits (optional)], and this is my first novel.
Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Best wishes,
[your name]
For reference, here’s my query for Taken (then titled The Laicos Project), which landed me my agent in 2011. Please note there are a few slight Taken spoilers ahead.
Dear Sara Crowe,
Happy New Year! I read on your Publishers Marketplace profile that you are seeking strong, original new voices, and given your representation of a variety of YA subgenres, I thought you might enjoy my YA science fiction thriller THE LAICOS PROJECT.
Gray Weathersby is counting down the days until his eighteenth birthday with dread, for in the primitive and isolated town of Claysoot, a boy’s eighteenth is marked not by celebration, but by his disappearance. When his older brother meets this mysterious fate, vanishing in the phenomenon the villagers have come to call the Heist, Gray begins to question everything about the place he’s called home. It all feels wrong: The Wall that no one can cross without dying, the Council leaders and their secrets, the nature of the Heist itself.
Desperate for answers, Gray climbs the Wall. But Emma follows him. Emma, who Gray has admired since the day he first stole a wooden toy from her hands as a child. The two are surprised to find a modern city beyond their Wall, not to mention the Franconian Order—a mysterious group of black-suited soldiers that hold the two hostage and then call for Gray’s execution. Running for his life, Gray takes to the forests. These woods are rumored to hold hostile Rebels amongst their trees, violent civilians banding together in opposition of the Order. But the Rebels also have answers. Answers Gray has long searched for, and answers he may soon wish he never unearthed.
THE LAICOS PROJECT tells the tale of a boy caught in events far greater than himself, as in Philip Reeve’s MORTAL ENGINES, and I believe it will appeal to readers who enjoyed the fast-paced and mysterious elements of James Dashner’s THE MAZE RUNNER. Complete at 83,000 words, THE LAICOS PROJECT is the first in a trilogy, although it also works as a stand-alone.
Thank you, in advance, for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Erin Bowman
[contact info redacted]
This comes in at 325 words total and looking back on it now, I think it could be streamlined a bit farther. Even still, you can see that my query follows the basic intro > premise + hook > summary format.
Please keep in mind that like every aspect of writing, there are always reasons to break rules, but I do think it’s especially risky with queries. The query is a tool. Agents receive hundreds of them a week. Going outside the box is unlikely to make you stand out to an agent in a good way. What will make you stand out is a professional, well-polished query with a fantastic hook and some killer sample pages to back you up.
Getting back to that giveaway I promised you…
As a thank you for helping us out with our survey, I’m giving away three query crits to Pub Crawl readers! Simply fill out the widget below for a chance to win. I’ll draw winners a week from today.
Hey all! It’s Kat here with Pub Crawl guest Mary Weber. Take it away, Mary!
“It only takes one yes.”
Chances are if you’re an author (or even know an author) in search of an agent, you’ve heard those words. And I’ll be honest, after 87 agent rejections, I’ve heard that phrase more times than I ever want to again – heck, I’ve even SAID those words to other writer friends as they’ve walked their own agent-search journeys.
Except now a few years beyond those 87 rejections, with two books pubbed and a publisher I love (Harper), and having had three agenty relationships, I’ve come to the conclusion the “it only takes one yes” stance isn’t exactly true.
I mean, technically it DOES take only one yes. But the agent from whom that yes appears is infinitely more important than the yes itself. Because it comes from a person – someone with personality, feelings, opinions, and skills – and it’s an agreement to enter a partnership with you, a person who also has feelings, personality, opinions, and skills.
You’ve probably heard it said an author/agent relationship is rather like a marriage. You hope it’s long-term, compatible, and that you’ll have each other’s backs through both the hard and awesome. And in some ways, yes, it is like that. It’s also a business and a valuable career-growing game-changer, and if I’ve learned anything at all it’s that it matters more who you walk the pub adventure with than the adventure itself.
Which is where it comes down to trusting one’s gut.
Because the conclusion I’ve come to is this: There are amazing agents out there just like there are amazing authors and business partners and friends. There are agents who rep loads of New York Times bestsellers, and agents who prefer to simply keep a list of personal clients. There are agents who let you call them in the middle of the night and there are those who keep very tight office hours. There are those building their own new careers and there are agents who’ve walked the trenches for twenty years.
And THEY’RE ALL INCREDIBLE (okay, for the most part. Just like authors and random nice people are also truly wonderful for the most part). They’re passionate and focused and they know more about the pub world than half of us could ever hope to.
But that doesn’t mean they’re the right fit for you. Or for me.
When I needed to find a new agent for the third time (my first was AMAZING but sadly passed away, the second didn’t rep YA), I’ll be honest with you – I was a bit overwhelmed. Until I sat down and made a list. Not a “what an agent needs to offer me” type list, but a list about me. My quirks, my preferences, and particularly my weaknesses. It quickly became clear the type of agent I needed (and the types of agents I’d probably drive batty because I am like the chatty BFF of the pub world who’d adore nothing more than to host publisher sleepovers and pedicure parties if I could).
It also became obvious what strengths I bring to the table (hey, free pedicures, people).
With those notes in mind, and my published debut in hand, I began asking about other author’s agents (and yes I was terrified – what if I got the wrong fit?!). Just like my first go-around, it wasn’t a fast process. It took months until the conversations naturally led where I needed them to go and for my gut to be the one saying yes rather than just my flattered heart.
At that point, I chose to go with a darling, deal-maker of a lady – someone who was just as interested in building a relationship of trust and business and friendship together over the long haul as I was. Someone who saw writing as bigger than just a business on both our parts. And someone whose strengths seriously covered my weaknesses. (Also, it doesn’t hurt that she’s all about the pedicure idea too, ahem.)
And now, sitting here typing this and reflecting back over that season?
I can truly say I could not be happier with my gut decision. Or with her “yes.”
—
Mary Weber is a ridiculously uncoordinated girl plotting to take over make-believe worlds through books, handstands, and imaginary throwing knives. In her space time, she feeds unicorns, sings ‘80s songs to her three muggle children, and ogles her husband who looks strikingly like Wolverine., They live in California, which is perfect for stalking LA bands, Joss Whedon, and the ocean.
If there’s one thing I’m asked over and over again, it’s How do you write a good query? Because there is an endless array of blogs and workshops (and even some posts here at PubCrawl) dedicated to just this very topic, I am sometimes baffled by how often I receive this question.
But at other times, I understand. Querying is the first step in the traditional publishing process, the first step in getting your work in front of professionals. It’s also one of the few steps in the entire process over which you have (a modicum of) control. So naturally writers stress about this, wanting to get it right, wanting to get it perfect, unsure of whose advice they should take, etc.
All right, if you want me to add my voice to the chorus of people dispensing query tips, I can certainly oblige. But be forewarned: my advice will be a combination of practical tips and a tiny bit of emotional counseling by way of tough love.
1. You don’t have to write a “perfect” query letter.
Repeat after me: There is no such thing as a perfect query letter. Repeat it until you believe it, or at least until you trick yourself into believing it’s true. Because it is. When I first started in publishing, I interned at Writers House, where one of my duties included going through the slush everyday. I learned very quickly during my time as slushmonkey that it didn’t matter if a query was too long, too short, too anything: what mattered was whether or not the writer got to the heart of their story as quickly and engagingly as possible. All else was moot.
2. No amount of “getting it right” will salvage an uninteresting premise or an oversaturated market.
One of the myths I had to unlearn once I graduated from school was that following the “rules” would earn me my just rewards. I was a straight-A student my entire life, not because I was smart, but because I knew how to follow rules. Querying is not like this. Business is not like this. You do not earn points for showing your work. If you got a wrong answer on an algebra problem, it didn’t matter if you showed every step of your calculation if the underlying formula was wrong.
This is probably the hardest truth to accept and come to terms with for most writers. That maybe the book they’ve worked on for so long is simply not a viable manuscript from a business standpoint. Writing is an art, publishing is a business, and sometimes your book just doesn’t encompass both.
3. Treat your query letter like a resume cover letter.
Continuing in the “publishing is a business” vein, if a completed manuscript is your resume, then your query is what gets the attention of HR department. Don’t be clever, don’t be smart, don’t be “quirky” or “wacky” or “out-of-the-box.” In my first post-college job, I was explicitly told personality might have mattered in school, but not here. (Ouch.) In the same way hiring managers don’t care about antics, only qualifications, an agent only cares about a good story, not querying trickery.
4. Keep it short and sweet.
Ideally, your query should be about 250 to 400 words, not including your bio and any introductory statements. Why? Because 250 to 400 words is just long enough to expand upon a pitch without going into details. 250 to 400 words is also the average length of the copy you find on the backs of books in stores. I’ve written more about copy here, including a handy “formula” you can follow when assembling your query. The point is to entice, not explain. If you have to explain why your book is interesting or different, then maybe have a long, hard think about why you feel compelled to do so. The query should stand alone.
5. Target your book to the correct audience.
I don’t necessarily mean that you should target the agents who would be interested in your work (although that’s certainly something you should do). What I mean by the “correct audience” is a bit complicated: it’s a combination of agent taste, market, and reader sensibility. Basically, you must know which section of the bookstore your book would be in, or in our digital day and age, what “tags” your book will have. Specificity is good. Comparative titles are good, and the more specific the better. Do not target your book to the audience of Harry Potter, Twilight, or The Hunger Games because that’s too general to be of any use.
And lastly, just to show you that query letters don’t have to be perfect, I present to you a query letter for my forthcoming novel (the title is still a work-in-progress). Including the salutation and bio, it is under 350 words.
Dear [Agent]:
Beware the goblin men and the wares they sell.
All her life, nineteen-year-old Liesl has heard tales of the beautiful, mysterious Goblin King. He is the Lord of Mischief, the Ruler Underground, and the muse around which her music is composed. Yet, as Liesl helps shoulder the burden of running her family’s inn, her dreams of composition and childish fancies about the Goblin King must be set aside in favor of more practical concerns.
But if Liesl has forgotten the Underground, the Underground has not forgotten her. When her sister Käthe is taken by the goblins, Liesl journeys to their realm to rescue her and return her to the world above. The Goblin King agrees to let Käthe go—for a price. The life of a maiden must be given to the land, in accordance with the old laws. A life for a life, he says. Without sacrifice, nothing good can grow. Without death, there can be no rebirth. In exchange for her sister’s freedom, Liesl offers her hand in marriage to the Goblin King. He accepts.
Down in the Underground, Liesl discovers that the Goblin King still inspires her—musically, physically, emotionally. Yet even as her talent blossoms, Liesl’s life is slowly fading away, the price she paid for becoming the Goblin King’s bride. As the two of them grow closer, they must learn just what it is they are each willing to sacrifice: her life, her music, or the end of the world.
Inspired by the movies Labyrinth and Amadeus, The Goblin King is a gothic romance in the vein of Robin McKinley’s Beauty, Martine Leavitt’s Keturah and Lord Death, and Juliet Marillier’s Heart’s Blood.
Before moving down to North Carolina, I worked as an editor at St. Martin’s Press, where I worked with Dan Weiss on developing New Adult, as well as reading and acquiring YA. I am also a member of Pub(lishing) Crawl, where I blog about the writing and editing process.
There you have it. As you can see, it ain’t perfect, original, or even that great. But what it did is get the job done, and really, that’s all you can ask of a query letter.
What about you? Any tips or suggestions for writing good queries? What are your favourite resources for query-writing help?
"I'll send you an invite to join Ebyline.com, so could you pitch it through that platform?"
O.....K?
I had pitched a new market I heard about on another writer's blog (using old-fashioned email), they liked the idea, but now I had to 'join'? I was ten kinds of confused and a bit wary. After all, we've all dealt with online sites that make you jump through hoops to write for them or pay by the click. Plus, I don't do well learning new technology. I still have a typewriter hidden away in a closet somewhere! Why, oh why couldn't I just write my article?
But, because I trusted this writer/editor I decided to follow the invite link and take the plunge. I filled out my free membership which consisted of a straightforward paragraph describing my writing experience, resume, and links to five recent articles. After that it was time to explore.
At first glance it was a basic online job board, some assignments were very specific "cover an NCAA women's soccer tnmt match at 2 p.m. Sunday in Gainesville, Fla" while others were more general "Healthy Life feature ideas". But there were several significant differences from your average writing job board.
First, I knew upfront who was looking for a writer. Their post includes the name of the market, link to the market, and editor's name. Finally, I wouldn't have to be asking myself, "Is this a real editor/market or just some wanna-be start-up that may or may not ever become reality (and pay me!)?" On the flip side, publishers have access to my resume, links to articles, etc. from my registration so there's no emailing back and forth as they try to determine if I'm the right person for the job. They can easily check out my background the minute my pitch arrives.
Second, let's talk about payment. They actually list the fee for the job. No "how much would you charge for....?" which we all know is code for "this job is going to the lowest bidder, not the best writer." And no pennies per word either. OK, I didn't see any $1/word jobs but hey...
Third, they have a magical "pitch" button. I love it! Click and there you are at an online form listing the editor's name, fee for the job, deadline, and a box for you to include your pitch. No searching for an editor's email address or sending it to some anonymous email never to be heard from again. You don't have to just pitch in reply to specific jobs listed on the board either. The pitching system includes a list of markets that are registered with Ebyline so if, for example, you have an idea for a parenting article, you can look through them for a parenting magazine and pitch to them. They also have a magical "submit" button for your finished article but I haven't used that one yet!
But the BEST thing is this platform also serves as a record keeper for you. You can visit and see exactly what you pitched to who and when, if they got back to you, deadlines. They automatically invoice the market for you. They also keep a list of all the published articles you've done through Ebyline, how much you made that year through them.
I have already been accepted for one assignment and am "in negotiations" for another. Ebyline is a new platform but I think it's one that freelancers should check out.
Jodi Webb is a WOW Blog Tour organizer and is teaching an upcoming WO
How do you suggest posting a clip to this site that doesn't have a URL link? I thought maybe scan it, save it as PDF and upload to a private page on my website? Is that ethical?
I haven't done that yet since I completed the registration on the fly but that's what I'm planning to do with a few of my clips from print online magazines--that's another good thing, you can keep updating your registration. I've also asked editors a few times and they sent me pdfs and theirs are much higher resolution than mine would be.
Okay, we've talked about Query format (and what I think should and shouldn't be there). We've talked about writing the hook. So now we're down to the body of the query--or the meat, as I like to call it. The part where you have to condense those 300+ pages of awesome manuscript down to one or two killer paragraphs that leave the agent thinking YES--I ABSOLUTELY MUST READ MORE!
I'll tell you right now, it's not easy. But I have a few pointers that helped me, so I will pass them on to you guys.
Once again though, I MUST point out before we start that, amazingly enough, I'm still not an agent. (nothing has changed career-wise for me these last couple weeks). Nor am I a query ninja or shark or any of those other names donned by the real pros at this. And remember, there's a reason why I'm covering this stuff under the "Shannon Style" label--this is all just my own personal approach. If it differs from something an agent says on their blog or website as far as how they prefer to be queried--please, I'm begging you, don't listen to me.
(Heh--can you tell I'm nervous about people blaming me for rejections? Yes, I'm THAT paranoid)
I should also point out that for most of us, writing a query letter is a very time consuming process. (There's a few lucky ducks out there who crank them out in a flash, but let's face it, no one likes those people). Yes, it's only a page--and not even a full page at that. But it's a ridiculously important page in which your entire career kind of rests. So yeah, don't expect to bang out this bad boy in a day and ship it off in a mass email to every agent in the biz (and while we're at it, PLEASE no mass emailing!)
Think of how much time and heart you poured into polishing your manuscript, and make sure you make all the same steps with your query. Really push yourself when you write it to get it right. Then revise. Send it to critique partners. Revise and send it to beta readers. Revise again. I'm also a big proponent of online query workshops or professional query critiques (which I will talk more about next week).
Basically: put in the time, sweat, and tears to get it right. I KNOW queries are boring to write. I KNOW they can be so frustrating you want to pound your head into the wall. Believe me, I KNOW. But this is your career--and your dream. Don't cut corners and risk ruining either of them.
Okay, so I'm going to start by breaking this down to lists of "Dos" and "Don'ts" to hopefully make it nice and easy. When writing the body/meat of your query:
DO: -Focus on your main character and the main plot of your story -Keep the sentences short, clear, and specific -Use enough details to make it very clear what makes this YOUR book, not one of the millions of others out there -Incorporate the voice of the novel -Limit yourself to two paragraphs (three can be okay, but they better be AWESOME) -End with a "call to action" that leaves them wanting to know what happens next
DON'T:<
20 Comments on Query Letters--Shannon Style (Part Three: The Meat), last added: 1/18/2011
Really nice job on this, Shannon. I found your point about how the themes and messages should be woven subtly through the book so they shouldn't be blatant in the query, particularly valuable.
I think this is great. You have a way of writing about something that may put me to sleep. You keep my attention and explain it so I understand completely. Thanks.
Great suggestions. And so true that queries take forever to get right. I've spent well over 40 hours on mine. Having good examples in your genre really help. I've found some on writer's blogs, Elana Johnson's book, and agent blogs. If you have good examples, you may want to do another post and include them. It could help people.
BTW, I'll send you my query for the query contest I won this week.
Your humility really is endearing Shannon. Okay, maybe your examples aren't perfect (or maybe it just seems that way because you went with Twilight), but your breakdowns and explanations are top notch. Oh that I had only known you back before I went through my first round of ill advised querying.
Eep. As usual you are a terrible amount of awesome smooshed into a little post!! Thank you so much for taking the time to write all these tips and how tos and what not and being so nice about it all!
I always try to get feedback on my queries too, from places like writeoncon or Agent Query. Anyplace brilliant writers hang out and can critique and give feedback. :) Lisa ~ YA Literature Lover
OK, now I would like you to teach me how to write a proposal. ;) I think I'll use these tips on my proposal anyway. Thank you SHannon for all your awesomeness!!
It always sounds easy, but in actual practice, queries are hard. But at least you wrote them in a moderately understanding way!
Possibly unrelated question, but I enjoyed reading about your query how-to's... would you consider a synopsis one as well? I keep forgetting I'll need to write that as well.
Thank you, Shannon! I really love the way you break this down and the "do and don't" lists are great. This will be a great help to me when I start querying later this year! :)
Last week we talked about the basic structure and organization of a query letter--or at least how I personally like to structure and organize them. (incidentally, if you missed last week's post, you can find it HERE)
And I'd promised I would talk more in depth about writing some of those parts in further posts, so I'm going to TRY to tackle one of them today (emphasis on try--this one's tough). Today we're talking about the hook. (dun dun dunnnnnnnn)
(and remember, just like last time, I'm NOT an agent, or an expert, and I am also quite silly and blonde so, yanno, take all of this with a grain of salt)
Okay, so...to me a hook is one (or two, if you really need it) KILLER sentences that grab the agent's attention right from the start.
Whether you follow my suggestion and have the hook be the first sentence of the query, or whether you start with the stats sentence and follow with the hook, YOU NEED TO HAVE A HOOK. It will probably be one of the hardest sentences you ever write, but push yourself to do it because it makes such a difference to the quality of your query.
Basic tips for hook writing:
-Start with your main character -Give details/specifics that establish a major aspect of the plot of your book -Feature something that sets your book apart from everything else -Don't be vague or coy -Keep it short and powerful -Use words that let you showcase your voice
And I know what you're probably thinking right now: wow--that's a LOT of stuff for one (or two) sentences--and you're right. You can't do EVERYTHING with a single hook. But this is where you start--your list of goals--and then you whittle things away to make the sentence more powerful as you go.
I base this partially on personal taste, and partially on something my agent--the lovely Laura Rennert--always recommends. She says that for pitching a project, the ideal is: Who, What, Where, and Why should I care? And since a query is basically a written pitch, and your hook is the very first part of that pitch, you want to cover as much of that in your hook as you can.
Now to me, the most important part of that is the: Why should I care? Which so often seems to be forgotten in the hooks people write.
I can't tell you how often--when I critique queries--I see a hook that goes something like this:
Harry Potter always wanted to find somewhere he belonged.
or
Eleven-year-old Harry Potter hates living with his cruel Aunt and Uncle, the Dursleys.
31 Comments on Query Letters--Shannon Style (Part Two: Hooks), last added: 1/14/2011
Wow! I love your examples. They really help especially since most of will have read most of the books you used or know about them. (I'll admit that I never read Twilight.) It's especially helpful because you show the bad, better, and best. Thanks for taking the time to create the examples.
Okay finished, and all kidding aside, did I mention that you're really good at this?
All right, sure some of those examples weren't stellar, but others were really good, considering how much time you had to come up with them. I've always said that real life examples of what works are better than vague advice.
I would suggest people check Query Shark for queries that Janice gets excited about. These are good examples of what works.
There are also some examples of queries with good hooks on my blog. You can find the series here.
Otherwise you break this down very well. I especially love Laura's advice.
Thank you for breaking down what makes a good hook. I think writing a query letter is more daunting than writing the actual book. But you made writing a hook, at least, less scary, and provide a nice step-wise approach. Thank you!
Awesome examples! I think with writing hooks, it's best to read a ton of them so you can get a feel for what works and what doesn't. I have one query letter that I (finally!) think I'm done tweaking, but for my other MS, that one still needs work. That one's missing voice.
Great pot. I just started writing (today actually) my first draft of a new project. Part of me already wants to write my hook because I think that it would help me keep the focus of my story and help to remind me of the "why should I care (why would a reader read this?)"
I also hope to finish a rewrite/revision on my other project and humor the idea of actually writing a query for it, so this is perfect!
Also you're right--those are EXCELLENT places--all places I am planning on linking in one of the future posts on this. I *almost* didn't include my own craptastic examples, but I kinda liked that it does illustrate very clearly that you can't just slap these things together in an hour--no matter how hard you try. A good query and a good hook takes TIME and WORK. Way more than I was willing to spend on a blog post, but everyone should DEFINITELY take that time for their queries.
Thanks for the examples. It's easier for me to see what's bad when you can compare two. Usually you just see a good hook and it's hard to figure out what's making yours not so good.
Great post! I love that you included examples of poorly written hooks with examples of better hooks. They are definitely tougher to write. :) Lisa ~ YA Literature Lover
Yet another awesome post I'm bookmarking for when I start writing queries. I'm starting to worry that I'm bookmarking your entire site. But not in a stalker-ish way. Cross my heart.
This is one of the best posts I've seen on hooks EVER! Thanks, Shannon. Something finally clicked. (Especially the part about the first sentence leading up to the hookier second sentence and how to do better.)
WOw! This is spectacular! I need to come up with a few good hooks and you're right they are the most difficult things to write. I want them to be powerful and clear and not sound ridiculous. I'm going to use all your great tips!!!
Excellent advice on hooks as they pertain to queries. Rah! Very good stuff, to include the hook early on, because often the agent or editor doesn't read too far in before getting bored or starting to skim.
I think I've always had a setup sentence (not that I've actually sent a query out or anything), but I've never considered packign all the punch in the first sentence.
Thanks for this, Shannon (and part one which I finished reading earlier today)!
The examples you gave are very well done. They help me see how my hook sentences (which are more or less just like the first bad examples) need to be more WOW! and less yawn..zzzz...
We were blessed by the presence of agents @WeronikaJanczuk and @literaticat tonight, as well as editor @Egmontgal, who all helped our members gain some insight into the querying process from the other side of the desk. As a result, the chat went well into overtime! Many thanks to @HeatherMcCorkle for choosing such a great topic and [...]
Related posts:
We were blessed by the presence of agents @WeronikaJanczuk and @literaticat tonight, as well as editor @Egmontgal, who all helped our members gain some insight into the querying process from the other side of the desk. As a result, the chat went well into overtime! Many thanks to @HeatherMcCorkle for choosing such a great topic and [...]
Related posts:
Imagine you are a literary agent. You’ve just battled the insane New York traffic, got through the ridiculously long security check in line in the lobby, fought for a space in the packed elevator, and made it to your office. You take a sip of your now lukewarm mocha and open your email only to [...]
Related posts:
So much helpful information and so many great links were shared during last night’s #ScribeChat that it was particularly frustrating to be unable to post the transcript until this morning, thanks to Hostmonster’s power outage. All I can say is, it’s worth the wait! Our fab guest host @HeatherMcCorkle kept the conversation flying and it [...]
Related posts:
by guest host, Heather McCorkle There is no rule book on querying but for the sake of your success, and the sake of agents, there probably should be. The good news is, there are a lot of writers out there who are willing to share their experiences in hopes that it will make the process [...]
Related posts:
We have an excerpt from The Writer’s First Aid Kit (Don Rutberg) on our web site – it’s a good primer on the crafting of a query letter. http://bit.ly/aRjxtC
Great topic, Heather. Can’t wait for Scribe Chat tomorrow!
HeatherM said, on 9/16/2010 3:26:00 PM
Thanks Kristi! It’s going to be a fun one. Thanks for the link, I’m off to check it out! HeatherM´s last blog ..The Power Of Language
On this June day the sun is shining, birds are singing(no kidding, I’ve got a nest outside my window)but I have news for you. People go on vacation during the summer. I’m not talking about the “pack up the car we’re going to the beach for a week” kinds of vacations. I’m talking about simply “checking out” and getting less work done. Freelance writers are one of the most susceptible groups to this syndrome. I know this from a highly scientific survey that included a dozen people from my writers’ group. Recognize any of these excuses?
The kids are home from school and I can’t think.
I went to the pool/worked in the garden/got invited to a cookout.
I fill-in-the-blank yesterday so I slept late today.
And that ever popular:
It was just too hot!
Sometimes disguised as:
I worried about my computer overheating so I had to turn it off.
Ironically, summer is one of the best times to query magazine editors. Why? Because everyone else is checking out for the summer! Yet, editors still need content. So if you’re still querying, competing with fewer writers since they’re off grilling hamburgers instead of composing queries, you have a better chance of landing an assignment or breaking into a market.
And weirdly, editors don’t seem to take a lot of vacations in the summer. I can’t be sure but it may be because they’re working on the big Christmas issue or December/January double issue. Most of the “I’ll be out of the office for a week.” emails I receive from magazine editors I work with regularly come around Easter or the end of August. So don’t pretend the entire publishing industry shuts down for three months.
But it’s summmmmer!
Were you just whining? I know it’s summer. But this is your chance! Try using one of these tricks to keep your querying on target this summer.
1. Query Goal Set a goal of queries to send out each week. And meet your goal.
2. Hour Goal Determine how many hours you normally work a day(or week). Readjust your working hours. Instead of working during school hours(which is ideal when the kids are actually in school)switch to late night hours or divide it up to an hour here, an hour there—just so you still work the same total hours.
3. Work Days Dedicate certain days to work. As in “I will work on Tuesdays and Thursdays but save the other days for summer fun.” And when I say dedicate I mean it—no interruptions to read the paper, fold laundry, watch reruns of "Everybody Loves Raymond". Seriously put in an eight hour day and get some real work done.
4. New Surroundings Find a pen. Do you always write at your computer? That’s fine when you’re sitting your butt in the house away from the snow and ice. It’s time to find yourself a nice pen and tablet(I like legal pads)and take the show on the road. You can write while lounging by the pool, waiting for your daughter’s art class to be over, or in the car on the way to the amusement park(please let someone else drive!).
It’s summertime. This is your chance! All those other writers are standing in line for the roller coaster.
Ready, set, write!
0 Comments on Time for Summer Vacation--Not! as of 1/1/1900
Since the week of prizes, I've spent all my time mailing out prizes.
I'm so sorry.
To make it up to you all, I have a surprise (bribe) so you forgive my Slackitude. At midnight Sunday night (EST), I will draw a name and offer a free query critique.
As some of you know, a query critique is a marketing tool. How you market your book to agents or editors. So it's right up my alley.
A query needs to be gripping, summarize the story, and show voice. It must be one page.
Now, here are my favorite posts for the week:
Promoting others - Some work hard to promote the books of other authors because it's the right thing to do.
Literary Twitter Census - GalleyCat has compiled a year-end census of the literaryTwittersphere.
The Blahgs of Blogging - The feeling you get when you lack the desire to keep on blogging. 10 Things I want to see in TweetDeck - While TweetDeck is a great tool that does so many things so well (the Love), it doesn’t do everything we want or need.
How to Market and Sell Your book - A unique business-oriented webinar for authors who have self-published books out, authors who have traditional published books out, and authors who have books coming out soon. Don't forget to come back Monday for our first Teen Panel discussion!
29 Comments on Surprise/Friday's Marketing RoundUp (3/19), last added: 3/22/2010
Thanks for offering the critique. Don't worry about slacking off once in awhile. As much as I love all my blogs, having a few of you take a break once in awhile actually gives us a little more time to devote to writing (at least that's the theory). And I know you spend a lot of time on your blog, so you deserve a break now and then.
Shelli - You've done so much for us bloggers and have always have great links and info! No apology necessary!! Also, I had my talk with Marietta this week. THANK YOU again! She helped me so much with my manuscript!
Shelli - thanks for straightening everything out. I have both books and am SO excited to read them. I told Carolyn I'll do a blog post about them once I finish. Thanks again! :)
I'm excited for the teen panel. It sounds sou exciting. And i love how you think mailing out prizes is slacking. I'm sure the recipients don't think so
As you know, next week (Feb 15 - Feb 19) is my Marketing MardiGras Party. The party will last all week long and include many special guests, daily prizes, a Marketing Scavenger Hunt, and 2 Grand Prizes awarded at the end of the week. 1) A Marketing Package for agented authors 2) My Agent's Critique Package (Alyssa Henkin at Trident Media group) for unagented authors.
Sound fun or what!?
Now, Elana Johnson (The Query Master) and I are throwing this PAR-Tee together. She will be having tons of prizes as well including additional agent query critiques.
The thing is to enter this MardiGras Party - you really need to follow us BOTH.
So go ahead and sign up for both blogs today and get a head start.
What do you have to lose? We give great advice, we are fun, and we give 30 day guarantees if you don't laugh at least once. Plus let's face it - the prizes are awesome! (if i do say so myself :)
All details on the party will be announced TOMORROW so come back!
===================
Today, Elana stopped by today to tell us the Five Things To Avoid When Querying (On her blog today she asked me about how to balance Social networking with Writing. GO check it out!)
Querying can be a long and tiring process. Writing a query letter can feel the same way. And since your letter is what you use to query, here are a few hints for what to avoid when getting ready to enter the query trenches.
1. Querying too early. Write your query letter. Revise it a few times. Post it for others to review. Rewrite it a few more times. This same advice should be applied to your manuscript. Write it. Revise a few times. Give it to some trusted readers. Rewrite some more. Don’t query until both your letter and your MS have gone through this process.
2. Sending mass queries. You need to personalize. Research each agent. QueryTracker.net has all the pertinent links you need for every reputable agent. And stats for how long they take to respond, how often they request, etc. Make sure you spell the agent’s name right. Be sure they’d be a good match for your work. Mass querying is bad for everyone.
3. Gushing. The query letter is a business letter. Treat it as such. It’s okay to say you read something on their blog/twitter/website that made you think they’d be a good match for your book. Don’t gush about how amazingly awesome they are or that you like their cat or whatever. That just screams “stalker!” and that’s not really how you want to start your professional relationship.
4. Blathering on and on. We all want to make ourselves personable. But as I said before, the query letter is a business letter. State your business and be done. They don’t need to know how many kids you have or anything like that. They want to know if you can craft a concise summary of your book. Because usually, that means you know how to use words well, and your MS won’t be stuffed with useless words. If your query is, agents likely think your MS is too.
5. Sending repeatedly. Follow the rules. If an agency says a “no” from one is a “no” from all, don’t try someone e
26 Comments on Mardi Gras 411/Elana Johnson on Querying, last added: 2/13/2010
Elana's blog and yours are two that I look forward to every morning. It's so exciting that you are working together on things next week. It's like the double mint twins... Double your excitement. Double your fun.
Here's a query question: I get not sending a query over and over to the same agent. But what about when you're ready to query a new novel? Is it a faux pas to send that query to an agent who's already passed on a different project?
I haven't started querying yet, but I'm still curious!
melissa - look on the verla kay discussion boards for beta readers.
Sara - you can query the same agent with new queries. Just be sure some time has passed. If they had something nice to say about your last project, mention it.
I have begun the query process for the second time just this week. And, I've found that the one guaranteed way for me to not want to write is after getting a rejection. But, I also know that the best way to keep from being dragged under by the madness of querying is by working on the next project.
“It only takes one yes.”.jpeg?picon=893)
.jpeg?picon=2058)
I will go check this out. Am definitely interested.
How do you suggest posting a clip to this site that doesn't have a URL link? I thought maybe scan it, save it as PDF and upload to a private page on my website? Is that ethical?
I haven't done that yet since I completed the registration on the fly but that's what I'm planning to do with a few of my clips from print online magazines--that's another good thing, you can keep updating your registration. I've also asked editors a few times and they sent me pdfs and theirs are much higher resolution than mine would be.
OK, when I said "print online magazines" I meant "print only magazines". Still pretty early here!
very cool resource, Jodi! Is it free to register with Ebyline.com?