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Viewing: Blog Posts Tagged with: empath, Most Recent at Top [Help]
Results 1 - 25 of 57
1. Are Sensitive People Part Border Collie?

chaos calmI don’t like chaos. I used to think it was wanting control but I am realizing it’s my sensitive brain needing order. It all makes sense. As a highly sensitive person, I have a ton of information coming in at once. I notice the big things, the tiny things, and the things on an intuitive level also. That’s a ton of neurons firing and sorting at once. So it makes sense if I walked into a room that was, for example, a crazy party, my brain would take in the flashing lights, the music, the people, the people and their thoughts and feelings, ALL AT ONCE and I could easily overheat my main drive.

Walking into a crazy classroom, I feel like a border collie wanting to get some order with these disorganized sheep that are wandering here and there. I look to create immediate order, and the best way to do that is create some kind of focus in the messiness in front of me. Being sensitive is all about the path of self-acceptance. If I had physical limitations, like one leg, or couldn’t see, I would have to adapt and create a way of being. And I don’t think being sensitive is a limitation, but being not the norm in society, we sure are treated as such. We need to know ourselves and know what we need. (And the positive flip side of this is I am great at editing, pulling together a product or project, and can pull out intuitive information that isn’t available to everyone, and a host of other gifts.)

I like the gas in the car analogy. If I know my car needs special gas to function well, I don’t shame and frown at the car. If I know my body can’t do milk, I don’t shame my body (although I do get frustrated when pizza is around), I listen to my body. This is what this body needs or doesn’t need. Pushing my system to just “adapt” to wild chaos and the party in front of me, is just funny. It’s ignoring how you are wired. With the party situation, I know that I need to create some focus. I can focus on my friends, or the dessert table :), or dance and just go into my own little world. Focusing can help block out the extra noise so I create order in my brain. I accept I have a border collie in me that is protecting my sensitive system. And when the little guy can’t round up the sheep, I know I will have some difficulties and will need to work through it and with it, not ignore this fact. Otherwise, I know the consequence, and it looks the same as if I had eaten that slice of pizza.

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2. Clear Expectations and Rubrics


I have a guilty pleasure.

I watch reality television. My favorite kind of show are design or cooking challenges. I am a Project Runway addictee and I’ve pretty much watched every season up to date. This past weekend I finished watching the finale for the past season and HULU suggested another show, Australia’s Top Model. I do admit to watching the last guys and girls season of America’s Top Model, and I was entertained by the drama and the fashion photography. That show falls into the same category as the cooking shows I watch. I am a horrible cook so watching good cooking is a bit of a fascination for me. There’s no stress because I know I will never aspire to be even a bit better than I am as I have no talent in this area. The model shows are much the same. I will never be 5’10, twig-like, flat-chested, or eighteen again, so it’s safe to witness another world I will never be a part of. I have realistic expectations.

Surprisingly, the Australian show was much more brutal with criticism then the American show. From watching a two season marathon (yes, I watched two seasons while drawing most the day),  it seemed the judges made up the rules as they went along. Girls were judged by their runway walk, but once they got that down, they SHOULD have worked on their photos instead. And the judges picked out their final photos from a large pile they took of them usually choosing the best or the odd one of the bunch to their preference. Sometimes, criticism made perfect sense and we, the audience, learned a great deal about how to model, although, I have to say, I really don’t have that interest. Other times, criticism was random and odd. Particularly brainless was giving the girl criticism about the size of her butt who clearly showed signs of early eating disorder and was model thin.

All this model show watching had me thinking about clear expectations. I am realizing something rather important as a sensitive. I need clear expectations. What is often hard having my own business is that there is a part of me that thinks, I will do all this work and offer all this, and in return, I will be rewarded with what I need. The problem is often when that doesn’t happen and I am left with an uneven exchange.

Most sensitive folk are very responsible and we like to please. Whether that pleasing is for approval, and approval can mean acceptance, or it is simply to keep the peace because we hate conflict. In order to please we need the rules, and the rules, like in that tv show, aren’t always very clear. We want to know that if we do A/ then B/ we get a reward. Many situations we think we do A and B, we may even get chastised for not doing C and D, when we hadn’t even known there was a C and D, which is what often happens with unclear expectations or hard to please people.

In Grad School classes we were told about Rubrics. We had set expectations for each course we took describing what was expected of us. If we did a certain amount of work we received a grade. If we did things well or did more than expected, we received good grades. None of this was subjective, it was super clear. If I wanted that A, I had to do a certain amount of work and I was rewarded. WE NEED THAT!

I think we’ve all lived through situations growing up that we may have been expected to be more extroverted and do things like extroverted people do, and to be less sensitive or emotional.  This is much like being asked to be eighteen again and model thin. Impossible expectations are just that…crazy and unrealistic. We will fail but not because of what we are attempting. Trying to please and fulfill those expectations might be even crazier. (It’s what I call the Treadmill). Maybe it’s time to walk away from situations that ask that of us and be pulled to the ones that have a very clear, upfront formula for success. And if isn’t clear, we can ask that it is.

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3. Sensitive, Empathic or Celery?


Not everyone that is sensitive is empathic. Not all folks that are sensitive are highly sensitive. And some, are celery. I realized this a few months back when I met a bunch of folks all at once who were sensitive (I tend to draw in lots of sensitive people, I’m guessing because like attracts like, or perhaps, because I wrote a book on it), but not all were empathic, or even highly sensitive. You can be one that is very feeling-sensitive, meaning, your feelings are easily hurt, but you don’t have a clue what someone else is feeling. Some folks don’t even care, and then fall into the Insensitive category.

Sensitive Empathic.

A sensitive empathic person, who I like to write about it here on the blog, is one that is not only sensitive to the environment, energy or feelings, but who is also empathetic to others’ feelings. This type of person can feel what others are feeling as if those feelings are their own. They are great at reading others, and tuning into a room and knowing what “radio dial” of emotion that room is set at, and have the habit of picking up lots of stuff that isn’t their own.


A sensitive person is one that can have their feelings easily hurt, may feel some things deeply and others things not so deeply, can understand other people sometimes, but may not be empathic in anyway, or tuned in to intuition, or that spiritual connection or energy. Some sensitive people can be very un-empathic with others’ feelings because they fall more in the celery category, and it can be very confusing to other sensitive people, who assume because someone is sensitive, they are also tuned into the feelings of others.

Highly Sensitive.

I just love Elaine Aron’s book, The Highly Sensitive Person. She talks of the special class of folks that are Sensitive Empaths who are, you guessed it, also highly sensitive. Not a freak of Nature, but I think, more of an evolution, these sensitive have bodies that are wired to pick up all kinds of energies and frequencies, that many can not. They process and take in a great deal at one time.


Celery are not bad or good, and no judgement by the way, I just chose the word Celery because it came to mind, and I think I’m hungry. (Yeah, now that I think of it, I’m craving a big salad). Celery folks are not sensitive or empathic. They are the thick-skinned which most the time stuff, just bounces off their backs. They are the opposite of the empathic and are here for balance,  and the empaths are here to balance them. We need the folks that are not empathic at all and can live in a world that pretty much just includes their feelings and that’s it. To the empath, this would be like a vacation! And the Celery need desperately to learn how to be more empathic and consider others’ feelings too. The Celery are often extroverts that are able to have a bubble around them that is just their world.

The Insensitive.

We can all have our moments when we are insensitive, especially times when we are too involved in our own stuff to think of others, or when we are so overloaded that we just shut down and off (common in the highly sensitive or sensitive empathic). No one is immune to this dilemma. But then there are the category of folks that are just insensitive and mean. I tend to believe that deep, deep down, these folks are very sensitive and have big walls up to protect themselves that have harden to clay and now they don’t feel not much at all. It is best to avoid the insensitive and remind yourself, it is not your job to melt their clay, nor can you.

So, which are you? Have you met the different degrees of sensitivity? Do you recognize any of these in yourself or others?


**Hey, I just posted October classes for the Sensitive. Registration is open now. Hop on over to see HERE.

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4. Scheduling Mentorships


Have you ever wanted to use your sensitive abilities to talk to animals? How about having help with being a sensitive and an empath? Maybe you love healing and Fairies. Announcing mentorships and current openings now being scheduled. I would love to teach you tools and share and guide you on your path. PLUS, for my newsletter/blog subscribers I am offering a BIG DISCOUNT right now on the new Empath Mentorship. Three paths to greatness:

Check out the links here. Time to support and expand!

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5. Are you picking up thoughts? New class

The other day I went to Walmart and got my usual Walmart headache. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the prices and the fact that if I need a Vacuum bag that fits only a Kenmore C, I can get that alongside my favorite cookies. As an empath, I usually pick up a ton of feelings that aren’t mine in that store, probably because of the Dome Affect. There are no windows in Walmart. There is no energy circulation, so to speak, so it all gets nicely trapped inside. And the thoughts are rampant bouncing around the walls hitting you, henceforth, the Walmart buildup headache. All these bouncing thoughts had me wondering about psychic ability of Telepathy.


You can pick up thoughts from someone ruminating on you from far away, and walk away with them thinking they are own, much like the latest virus. Next thing you know, you are feeling hyper, angry or crazy (that’s their energy you are picking up from those thoughts.)  It’s the ability where you know who is ringing your cell before you even say hello. It’s even the knowing you have when you use animal communication on your dog companion.

In this new mini class, we will explore our telepathic ability and how to unload and balance it out, and then develop it to be able to read more energy and not feel so overloaded in our brains. It’s a superpower ability you already have! Check out the class HERE, which starts in only a few weeks. Sign up in October to get the shiny Early Bird rate over here.

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6. Weird Ass Energy Alert


Have you noticed the last few weeks energy has been kinda wacky? For the empathic person, this has been a crazy time.  Perhaps it’s the dreaded Mercury Retrograde, which has been talked about often in local new agey circles. It could be the overall malaise from the country battling things like weird ass fears (Ebola), unexpected losses (Robin Williams), and news of terrorists cutting off heads and being brutal, magnified by the wild moon action (red eclipse). Energy-wise to the sensitive, the energy feels choppy, bumpy and well, weird. Manifesting seems like a struggle and uphill battle, and our usual guidance might even be quiet (I hate those times of feeling disconnected). How do you get through it? I have noticed many colleagues and friends avoiding Facebook and the News, which, especially has been a big downer. Taking plenty of time out to touch base with Nature or be alone to regroup is also helpful. And telling yourself, this too will pass, is a good reminder. Hang on Sensitive! With any energy build-up, there needs to be a release.

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7. It’s Fairy & Empath School Friday! Yay!


It’s Friday and that means Fairy & Empath School Friday! Today starts a new semester of learning. Have you reserved your space in class yet? Here’s the link to FAIRY ONLINE SCHOOL and EMPATH SCHOOL. Hope to see you there.

In the works…

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8. Ask the Empath 1/20


Here at The Designing Fairy, I often receive questions concerning being intuitive that folks are scared or puzzled about. This is the beginning of a series where you can ask questions about your psychic abilities, and I will attempt to help and answer. I’ll be answering from my own experiences, and if I don’t have the information or answers, I’ll do a little research and find out.

The question

“Sarah” shares that she is beginning to pick up what feels like spirits in the room. She’s scared and confused and wants to know what is “wrong” with her.

The answer

Dear Sarah,

Sounds like you are an empath who has abilities in being aware of the energies around you. It’s like your “Spidey” sense. I liken psychic ability to playing the piano. Everyone can push a few random keys and make music. Not everyone becomes a concert pianist. Everyone has intuitive abilities. It’s to what degree and how much, and how turned on it is.

With feeling or noticing spirits, you have some mediumship abilities. You are just seeing what is there, but not noticeable to everyone. You can “tune in” to spirits by striking up some conversation or simply tune in and see what images or information receive. But always do so with boundaries. Just like you would be cautious letting anyone into your home, you would do the same with your personal, psychic space.

The more you talk to people who have similar abilities, and the more control you feel over them, the less fearful you will be.

Hope that helps!

Fairy blessings,


If you have a question, feel free to fill out my Contact Form


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9. Are empaths affected by the moon?



Today’s word is FUSSY. My clothes feel constricting, lights are too bright, and things can’t be fast enough today.

As empaths and sensitives, we know we are very affected by the energies surrounding us. We know when the air is too cold, or someone’s mood has just hit fiery before he realizes it, or when the overall mood theme for the day on Facebook is FRANTIC. Like little caterpillars we feel out the environment with our exposed feelers.

So if we have a full moon happening, and especially a lunar eclipse, do we feel the effects of that energy?

Years and years ago, there was a lunar eclipse followed by a solar eclipse, and my body went haywire. I was releasing a ton and have all kinds of weird symptoms, but was it the planetary action or what I was experiencing in my life at the time?

As women, our bodies are tuned into the moon through our cycles. And many who are not longer experiencing cycles still feel the effect of the moon. If the moon is more feminine then both male and female can relate when it is speaking, right?

I looked to the experts for my answers. The astrologers talk of this upcoming lunar eclipse and the many changes that will affect us.

Magical Recipes Online talks about the Druid Willow Moon.  That name in itself sounds so imaginative and magical!

My friend Julia talks about the astrological overall themes we are feeling right now during this moon phase.

Several metaphysical astrology sites talk of huge emotional impacts this lunar eclipse will have. Hmmmmmm.

  • According to NBC news, full moons can give us restless sleep. Link is over here.
  • And over at this Australian news site, full moons and eclipses can cause mood swings. Feel like howling at the moon?
  • Wikipedia coins the phrase “lunar effect” and says there is even a “lunar lunacy.” Nice! Now we have an excuse to go a little crazy.

As sensitives and empaths, we can swing past the research and go right to how we feel in this moment. I know when there is a full moon I do have a hard time sleeping, partly because the moon is shining so brightly into my window, and being so sensitive, I can feel it. I like a dark room when I sleep.

Perhaps we are picking up all the beliefs about the moon, and that collective unconscious is affecting what we think, influencing our thoughts. Regardless, I am fussy. I am restless. And I have this overwhelming urge to dance under the moonlight, ditch these restrictive clothes, and howl. Please don’t tell my neighbors. Now I have an excuse for my craziness. I have Lunar Lunacy. ;)

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10. A Sensitive Goes to the Movies: Two Scary Ones



Have you recently gone to the movies (or rented on Netflix) and thought, “Dear Lord, why didn’t you warn me!” Yes, me too. So I thought, why not start a bi-monthly report here at The Designing Fairy, to warn my fellow sensitives and save them a ton of therapy.

This week’s selections: Bates Motel and The Awakening

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photo credit: Netflix
  • Netflix description: “Everyone knows what happened in Psycho, but this chilling series takes viewers inside Norman Bates‘ world before Marion Crane checked in.”
  • Warnings posted: The show is listed under “scary and dark.” My gut should have alerted me since it’s not a happy bunny kind of subject.
  • My warning: Don’t watch the Pilot. If you are a sensitive, you will need years of therapy to process the senseless violence you just witnessed for the sake of entertainment. *Spoiler alert* there’s a rape scene halfway through that can’t be stomached, and I do understand the writer’s motive including it to show the breakdown of the psychological state of Norman’s mom, but c’mon! The character committing the act was cartoonish, one-sided aggression/craziness and the act portrayed and showed in the movie, just out and out horrible. I can’t tell you if the rest of the Pilot was worse or better as I pretty much stop watching at that point and had to fill my mind up with happy things like dancing bunnies and happy wagging tails. (Several episodes of Adventureland seemed to help)
  • Sensitive consensus: I talked to my friends on FB who all agreed that they also stopped watching after the senseless violence.

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photo credit: Netflix
  • Netflix description: “A haunted boarding school calls on Florence Cathcart, who disproves hoaxes for a living. But the strange place leads Cathcart to question rationality.”
  • Warnings posted: It is listed as a horror movie and categorized as “chilling and suspenseful.”
  • My warning: This was a really interesting plot for a ghost story and very clever. Many, in the reviews I read, compared it to The Others, which haunted you psychologically way after watching it.  The scary element isn’t too bad more like lots of “boo” moments. No visions that will stick in your mind until more toward the climax of the movie is a scene of sexual violence that matched Bates Motel. The character culprit was useless to the plot, the moment contradicted the story as the main character was rather powerful and strong, and viewers did not enjoy watching her helpless, at least I sure didn’t. I did enjoy the movie up until that point, and it was so distasteful it was like hearing someone write on a chalkboard with their nails.

What’s with it, Hollywood? A movie nowadays isn’t complete without violence to women? Rethink your writing. Then we all wonder why politics takes our rights away out from under us. As for you my fellow sensitives, stay away from these two and for scary, stick to old episodes of Goosebumps and Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Until next time, Fairy blessings,


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11. How to overload a sensitive


Sensitive folks overload easily. The cause is not because we are delicate or weak. We are just wired to pick up all the layers of information at once. This means we pick up the subtle nuances most miss, like the sound of the doves singing outside the window, or that a friend is cranky even though she hasn’t said or showed any indication. On the flip side of this is we can take in all that information and fry our brains and emotions when it gets way too much (picture the heads exploding like in that old horror movie, Scanners. Yup, not a pretty picture and of course, not literal.) You can be pretty sure a sensitive has gone into overload when they show signs of shutdown which include a blank look, anxiety/nervousness, spaced-out feeling, or signs of insecurity. Symptoms look different in each sensitive. And what every sensitive wants is to be understood and known. So non-sensitives, LEARN THESE. And sensitives, share this list with your non-sensitives.

The Top 10 Ways to Overload a Sensitive

(and to be loving and kind to your sensitive AVOID these):

1. Push.

This warning label (“do not push”) should come with every sensitive born into this world. Pushing does not motivate a sensitive. It forces the automatic shut down valve to go off. Pushing only speeds up the “take in-sort through-digest” process making overwhelm happen faster because there’s no time to digest. It also just really pisses us off.

2. Load a ton of responsibility on our shoulders, be sure to not acknowledge or appreciate what we are already doing, and then add more. 

That one speaks for itself, but I must say, as a tribe, sensitive folk are usually over-responsible and will take on a great deal as it is.

3. Increase sensory input.

Add very loud music we can’t control, or let in a swarm of flies in the room that can’t be caught. I am a tolerant person but when my neighbor plays country music on full throttle until 2 a.m., I’m going to get a little out of balance.

4. Expect a day of constant stimulation out of us.

Start the day early by taking us out for the day shopping, then stop at a crowded restaurant, go sight-seeing, and then dancing all night with a ton of noise and people. Just see what happens. Observe. Be sure to not include any breaks or alone time.

5. Add any illness to the day and then introduce either 1/, 2/, or 3/. Heck, even 4/.

Add llness or even a woman’s “time of the month,” and we are down for the count. Then all the sensory input and noise just swoops right in because our thin walls are way down. It’s a little like having the radio on several channels at once.

6. Add a crowd. 

I still write about the Willie Nelson concert I went to that had a line wrapped around the casino to get into, then I was surrounded by a huge stadium-filled crowd screaming. Thank goodness it was outside because a crowd packed into a room with no walls? Oh fun.

7. Increase time pressure.

This one goes along with the “pushing” category. Sensitive folk like to flow in the zone moving to their own rhythms. We are great with deadlines but we need to control how we get there. I watch Project Runway and each episode when the designers get closer to presenting their creations, we can feel their tension through the screen. Let us control our rhythm.

8. Layer on the emotional sad stories. 

We can sometimes overload from reading the Facebook feed of sad stories everyone is feeling. We feel compassion when our friends are going through rough times. Our hearts can jump out of our chests and MERGE. Our empathy is our superpower and it can be unbalanced at times when it’s multiplied.

9. Give us too much change at once. 

We like our change in smaller steps; a little like slowly entering the pool rather then diving right in. We get in there, it just takes a little longer.

10. Add too many little technical things that don’t work.

I am sure this one matches everyone not just sensitive folk. Have a day where the bank screws up your account, or your computer doesn’t respond, or there’s a glitch in Photoshop and you lost all your data, and we will get rather testy. THEN add any two from the above list and we frazzle up quite good.

So, be kind to a sensitive today. Understand what creates overload and what makes life work swimmingly well for your sensitive friend. And for goodness sake, never ever say, “You need to toughen up instead!” That’s like being short and being told to be tall! Say that and you will see a different kind of overload.

Fairy blessings,


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12. Empath Skills Class



Here’s the LINK.

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13. Thoughts from a Sensitive #1

We need to hear our tribe.

I receive a great deal of notes from readers saying that my book or a blog post I wrote helped them feel more self-acceptance and less alone. That got me thinking. We just need to hear our tribe. When we gather and share, we do feel less alone. We feel belonging. And then realize we have many of the same thoughts and feelings. We aren’t folks with two heads. So, here’s my first share from one of my re-tooled classes, Care of the Sensitive Workshop (starts September 26th). Have you felt this way? (feel free to share)


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14. Reading energy and the movies

Continuing with the Preview Week and Open House at Fairy & Empath Online School, the following is from THE EMPATH SKILLS CLASS, which starts September 26th. This week only, Subscribers sign up for class and get Care of the Sensitive Workshop 1 FREE or Better Boundaries of the Sensitive audio class.

Reading Energy and the Movies

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We read the energy of the animal or spirit we communicate with. But, do you realize that whenever you pick up a magazine, you are bombarded with subliminal messages and energies? What a great gift it is that you have the ability to read energy and pick it up before it reaches you.

For instance, picking up the latest fashion women’s magazine, GLAMOUR, I notice there are lots of articles and photos thrown at me that are expecting me to look a certain way. There’s Do’s and Don’ts for dressing, ads with skinny and tall models, and clothing outfits they want me to buy and wear. If I walk away from reading it feeling awful and insecure, it was because I didn’t recognize the subtle energies coming at me, and that the radio dial or frequency was set to “Perfected Appearance.” On the other hand, if I pick up OPRAH magazine, I feel uplifted and hopeful, even educated. This magazine is set to HOPE or EMPOWERMENT, so I walk away positively influenced.

Naming it is a great way to separate out what is sent at you before it becomes yours.

I love movies and belong to Netflix. I can’t wait to run out to the mailbox each day and receive my little red envelope with my movie. I’ve watched a great deal of movies and television series in the last year, fine-tuning my ability to discern what shows are best for me and what ones bring me down.

I recently rented a compilation DVD of ghost-hunting movies and shows. I like Ghost Hunters which is a show where a team of ghost hunters go into homes to help solve their ghost mysteries. Their intent is to help, and although spooky things happen, the show doesn’t usually upset me. I felt awful watching the collection though. I could feel a little nauseous, anxious and uncomfortable. That night, I didn’t want to turn the lights out to go to sleep! The show’s radio dial was set to FEAR, which in my body, registered as anxiety. When my dial went to fear, all of my fears were nudged up to the surface. Not something I wanted or was helpful to me.

Now it’s your turn to go to the movies.

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Go sign up today here.

Subscribers, look for special coupon in the mail today!

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15. Extrovert vs. Introvert

Which are you?

My folks are up visiting from New Jersey. My stepmother is a complete extrovert, and my Dad is a classic introvert. According to the Myers Briggs classification tests, an introvert is not the quiet and shy wallflower that you overlooked sitting in the back of the room, which is a popular misconception. How we navigate and process the world is classified by extrovert or introvert. Extroverts are recharged by being around more people or excitement and interaction. Introverts are recharged by quiet, alone time. They need time to digest what they’ve experienced and reconnect to themselves.

Classic example was after a long day visiting the local zoo, Out of Africa, my stepmother was ready to keep going. My Dad and I were cranky and ready to fall over. A little more stimulation and I would have overloaded for sure and my circuits would have fried. It’s not being “too sensitive” that does that, but the fact that I take in all kinds of information at once. A little goes a long way. I dive deep into the experience. Any more stimulation or input would be like adding more coffee to the filled coffee cup, spilling brown liquid everywhere over the table; there’s nowhere to go.

It’s not a right or wrong situation, although for years I’ve had to try to explain myself to extroverts who had no idea what was wrong with me when I pooped out early on long, interactive days, or needed alone space after experiencing a party of people. I definitely internalized that I was flawed or “wrong” until I discovered the classifications and felt deeply liberated! The world needs both. The big key here isn’t that we are like each other and change, but we respect each others’ needs.

And incidently, I understand the needs of both types. The last time I took the Myers Briggs test, I had an interesting revelation. My scores were smack down in the middle between Introvert and Extrovert! This would explain my continuous struggle for balance even within myself. I could see my need for people and interaction, but too much of that, and I usually got sick, anxious or headache-y, and desperately needed space. Not enough people interaction, I get lonely and moody. Add all that extra sensitivity, and I am thinking I lean more towards the Introvert side in terms of needs. Perhaps, you can relate.

Resources to check out:

The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D

My Care of the Sensitive class, of course

Myers Briggs test

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16. Being Loyal to Yourself

fairywithoutorange (2)Loyal to others vs. Loyal to self

One of the toughest things about being an empath is you go out of your way to not hurt anyone else’s feelings. Maybe it’s a selfish thing; if that person hurts, you feel it. But it’s also from a place of compassion. You understand pain. You would never purposely inflict it. I recently was in an argument. It might very well have been my fault and I over-reacted. I had taken an email forward personally that lamented about the dangers of technology because I am going to school specifically for technology. It was one of those ill-timed emails that just happens. But like most incidents in life, the argument illuminated a bigger issue I needed to look at. During the argument, I was quick to create harmony, please, discount what I was feeling, and apologize first. I often took this role/stance as a sensitive child. Several days later after the argument, I still had a lingering unease I’m dealing with. I created peace but I stifled my voice rather than be abandoned. I didn’t want to be the bad guy or the outcast among the crowd.

This is a big shift I am making here, seeing this. Little kids please themselves so easily. But I think little empaths never had that luxury. We’d always be tuned into what others needed and were feeling. We wanted that harmony around us.

I have a problem with a certain kind of authority. I’ll give in just to please, rather than be “naughty.” I’ve decided to treat my one dog’s chronic problem holistically which has proven the more successful route. We are seeing a holistic veterinarian who hears and respects my intuition. Wow, an amazing concept! Because I haven’t returned to my conventional vet, I feel like that little shamed kid who didn’t do her homework. This pattern has become so ingrained in my emotional landscape.

Throughout my life, other people have had no problem putting themselves first. When my husband didn’t want to go to a party or an event, he’d just say no, dig his heels in and that was it. I admired his resolve that I didn’t have. I had too many “what ifs” in my head of who would be disappointed with me.

And there’s the issue. Growing up, we were never yelled at. We were disciplined with the threat of disappointment, which later felt like rejection. I can still feel that sting whenever I displease authority.

It’s time to rewire my thinking. Does any action I do please and serve me? And that’s the best and highest me. That little girl inside is terrified of being left alone. She’s the one that is scared to have a disagreeing voice. I have this vision of me being left alone in a cave to fend for myself. But in my desire to please everyone else, I’ve managed to abandon me. I’m the one who put me in that cave.

I’m the one  who put me in that cave. 

And that little girl’s perspective that if someone is angry with me they will abandon me? Some will, then that’s not really a relationship of substance or depth, if you aren’t able to communicate feelings with each other. And aren’t those relationships reflecting back the miscommunication I am having with myself?

Hey self! What serves you? What pleases you? What do you need right now? 


from YOUR TURTLE SHELL (Coming early 2013)


Check out the How to Survive the Holidays eBook under the BOOKS and WHAT’S NEW section

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17. An Empath’s Perspective on 2012

thoughtsfromI just checked out this video made on the messages of 2012. There was a big conference in Sedona recently I missed because I didn’t have patience for. Watching this video gave me some big realizations.  I trusted my empath radar as I watched.



What was disappointing is some of the leaders I previously liked I wasn’t resonating with their messages and I’ll tell you why.

I want to feel EXPANSIVE, and the opposite of boxed in. I want to feel HOPEFUL.

I don’t know about you but whatever is going on in my life, I want to feel EXPANSIVE, and the opposite of boxed in. I want to feel HOPEFUL. I don’t want feel powerless victim, ever. When I am in that space, I shut down. As an empath, my greatest gift is trusting how I feel to guide me to my right radio dial of what is good for me and what is not so great for me. I listened to one speaker  and it didn’t matter what words were being said, I felt like that awful feeling in my stomach and I felt hide under the bed fearful. His words didn’t ring true inside of me.

I listened to the Swami, who by the way, resonates more to upbeat, fairy energy — and I felt good! I love the idea of laughing and feeling empowered. Hello! Who the heck doesn’t? And I really didn’t resonate to the channeled messages which basically said all the things I all ready knew. Why would I think a dead person or spirit would be more wiser or connected to wisdom/the divine then all of the rest of us? Aren’t we all able to tap into that?

What I hope we are moving more into, new age terms aside which are starting to not resonate with me, is going more into our own guidance and sense of what works or resonates with ourselves. We’re becoming guru-less. I see that with every person who takes a class or buys my book. They are accepting themselves and finding their own answers. Woo Hoo! Isn’t that goal?

You decide…watch the video and feel. Each spiritual teacher is talking from their own perspective and seeing through their own lens on life. And who you resonate with or hear simply matches how you see things.

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18. Crazy fun October Sale on Classes!



I’m feeling in a generous mood since we are all a little cranky with all that is happening with the government and we need some fun to focus on! Big sale on Fairy Online School this month. You can sign up for that class you’ve had your eye on and then get the gift of half off another class for later or for double the fun! That’s crazy good!

OR, sign up with a friend and she gets her class half off (or you do!) Let’s spread the word about Fairy Online School so we can all be creative/intuitive and have fun.

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19. Shiny Object Syndrome



I’ve been trying to learn this one video editing program. Trying, may not be the correct word. It’s been a little like writer’s block where you take out the pencil and pen, the paper, organize your work space, but no words are flowing. I’ve set up my work space, have the video class all ready to go on the screen, but all of a sudden there seems to all these distractions! There’s friends to chat with on Facebook, which I love to do anyway. The girls are getting a little nutsy in the front yard so I need to supervise. There’s that pie in the frig that has been calling me for three days. And gosh, would you look at that, I still haven’t learned one lesson on that video. What is wrong with me?

It’s called Shiny Object Syndrome. There’s no pill or support group but it’s so common among creative and sensitive people. We like colors, and shiny things, and less tangible things like new knowledge and insights. Throw in the empathic thing and we are drawn into others’ stories feeling their sadness, their pain, their losses.

Empathic folks take in a great deal of information at once. We don’t just see the chair over there. We see the peeling paint, the yellow peeking through the wood, and we notice the seat cushion could use some sewing. Every now and then I often wish I could be shallow and only see that surface!

I wondered the other day if maybe I have Adult ADD and not Shiny Object Syndrome. And in a flurry of worry, I did some research to rule it out.

So I took the quiz I found over at Psych Central. Okay, that test isn’t so helpful. I know I’m hyperactive sometimes, but I think that’s inherited energy from my grandmother, and part of my nervous nature. And I can definitely concentrate and stick to a project once I do start. I also have my deeply lazy moments, although my head rarely shuts off. I read the 15 Signs You May Have Adult ADHD, and it’s not fitting me. Elaine Aron’s brilliant self test fits me to a T. I already know I can be a sensation-seeking sensitive, as she calls it. So, I conclude after all this research, it is a big part of my sensitivity.

How do you cure the Shiny Object Syndrome then? I would think you don’t! Why would you want to? I am finding that there is a gift there. Without it, I’d be a dull workaholic. I wouldn’t take breaks or have a full life with friends, and beauty, giant puppy playing, and rose smelling. Perhaps, then, Shiny Object Syndrome shows up just when we need it for that balance. Because maybe I just needed a little break before I dive into my video learning.


For more tips, check out my book HELP! I’M SENSITIVE, online classes EMPATHIC SKILLS & CARE OF THE SENSITIVE. I am busy at work on the sequel book, YOUR TURTLE SHELL.

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20. Being sensitive and people overload


I haven’t blogged for awhile and I apologize, dear readers. I’ve been busy with Designing Fairy Cinema and writing my next book; not to mention adjusting to Giant Puppy’s needs. (Okay, I just mentioned it.) Actually, she’s been really good.

I wanted to write about overwhelm, which is one of the biggest issues sensitive folks encounter. I thought, why not write about the topic when I’m feeling the least overwhelmed? I’ve pretty much had gotten so used to that frantic state I miss the adrenaline rush. Back last year and half of this year I was dealing with taking care of an incontinent elderly beagle, Grad School classes, my business, and a part time job. I was stuck in the fast lane to get everything done and pretty much lived on sugar to keep my natural humming bird energy up. I loved the classes and I miss Sarah, but I’m starting to adjust to enjoy the calm, natural energy.

It’s easy to overwhelm when you are sensitive. We take in so much information at once at a deep level that it’s easy to tip that balance in the red. And if you are in a vulnerable space emotionally, it’s really easy to blow your fuse.

I remember a few years back going to an outdoor concert with a friend. I took one look at the huge crowded line in front of me and almost blew a gasket right there. My breathing quickened, and I forgot about my feet. The line was moving at a caterpillar pace to the ticket booth. We weren’t even in the stadium and I could feel panic rising. We made it in and there were lines of chairs on the lawn in front of the stage and bleachers everywhere. Thank goodness the stadium was outside otherwise I’d have felt trapped.

I asked my friend if we could sit in an aisle so I wasn’t sandwiched in and he didn’t understand and ignored my request.  I needed some air  and psychic space around me. More and more people took the seats surrounding us. I couldn’t breathe. What made things worse, was the performer wasn’t on time! So the waiting went on and on with me stuck like a sardine. This was too many damn people! All this energy around me. I could feel hopes, dreams, thoughts, issues. Yeah, sure I put up some protection, visualized a couple bubbles. But that was a lot of people.  I could even shame myself for not being able to stand firm against all these energies. Yeah, that’s realistic.

Once the concert finally started I was in better shape. Focusing on something fun really blocks out the noise. I sang, I tried to dance in my chair, but I still felt boxed in.

And then even my friend started to crowd me. My friend wanted to go in the casino afterwards. Hey, why not? Let’s see if Ronni can blow a fuse in public and explode in little pieces all over the flashing little light machines. Thank goodness for my body. I got a migraine that tried to push out all those visiting energies. I had to go home. I tried to explain, but I wasn’t being heard, so I stormed out.


Is there something wrong with me for not enjoying that? Shouldn’t I toughen up? Heck no! Part of being deliciously sensitive, is knowing yourself. If you were allergic to peanuts, would you scream and tell yourself that you needed to toughen up? No! You’d frickin’ avoid those peanuts at all costs. If I were put into that situation again, I’d do a few self care things:

  • I’d sit in aisle seat. Maybe even find an area that had lots of space around it. I’d try to make those needs met.
  • I’d allow myself to take lots of breaks where there weren’t so many people. Maybe take a few bathroom breaks. Take a breather outside the stadium if necessary.
  • I’d find a new friend to go with. Sorry, but my friends need to know me and listen to what I need to do for self care, whatever that’s about or is.
  • I’d bring ear plugs. I’d still hear the music but it would drown out the high noise.
  • I did take flower essences at the time but I think I’d need some really strong ones for protection and calm. Probably grab for Rescue Remedy.
  • It would be okay to “small” it down. What does that mean? It’s like that pie in my freezer right now. I could have some of it. I don’t have to eat the whole thing at once. I could watch half the concert if I wanted, which would be enough to enjoy, but not too much to overwhelm.

Overload happens not just in crowded situations. I can feel crowded by other people. If I have a lot of demands coming at me, I will try to please everyone around me, make them happy, do a good job, and then I can overload on that pushing energy. I will take on way more than I should.

I remember teaching book illustrating with a fellow artist at a Montessori school. The kids were so lovely, creative and open-eyed. I fell in love with them. But those teacher hours are slightly insane. There was rarely a break away from the energies of these kids who each individually demanded a great deal of attention, which I was trying to give. I hadn’t learned at that point how to know my limits and regulate my energy. I would come home at the end of the day either bursting into tears or having signs of physical overwhelm.

Now keep in mind, being sensitive doesn’t mean I can’t handle a lot or am “delicate.” That’s super important to point out. Honey, I’m stronger than most people I know. Ask my closest friends.  The amount of stuff I can handle emotionally far outweighs my physical sensitivity.

There’s nothing wrong with us. No, we shouldn’t be living in bubbles. We are what we are. We’ve got that fine-tuned nervous system brilliant for some things (and amazing gifts that come with that sensitivity, that you will notice the non-sensitive flock to for answers) but it just comes with some special care  instructions.


A little note about upcoming classes. I will only be offering the core classes this November. The Empath Skills class now comes with a little yummy twist (a mini reading). Check out and sign up for it here. If you want to be informed about the upcoming books in the Sensitive series, do subscribe to this site (sign-up found in the right sidebar).

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21. Last call for classes that start this weekend and free worksheet


A free worksheet for Empaths!

This weekend starts THE EMPATH SKILLS online class and ANIMAL MEDIUMSHIP online class. You can still sign up and if you are a subscriber there’s a cool discount! There’s personalized class course pages and individual attention. Lots of worksheets to play with and fun lessons and homework.

I may not be offering these classes for awhile. I will be retooling the Fairy Online School this winter as it morphs and changes after eight years of existence. Some classes will be retired. The school may shift altogether. We all have growth spurts and need change. Love to see you in classes now!




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22. Things are looking a little different here and Cyber Monday Sale!


Lots of Changes

Things are looking a little different here…

I spent my Sunday playing on the computer rearranging, assessing, playing with my websites, and cuddling dogs in my jammies.

It seemed the Empath classes really wanted their own place, and didn’t want to be confused with the fairy/nature classes. Ha ha! So, they get their own school. Seriously, I have fairy students who love the whole Nature healing thing, and then I have my Sensitive students, who think the whole fairy thing is a little crazy. So, this makes sense. Each needs their own place to land here.

For January, I’m making Fairy Online School a little more accessible and more “self-serve.” I’ll still be available once a week for each class to answer questions, and talk about your lovely homework, but it’s more a no-pressure, have fun kind of thing. There’s two start dates, each on a Friday, for your convenience. So, if you finally want to learn about flower essences, or commune with Nature, tackle those empathic skills, or dive into animal communication, this is the place. Some classes will be retired. :( So sad. And some regrouped, but the student favorites will remain.

I am not doing any readings anymore. Sad too. I’m focusing more on the writing and teaching others how to communicate themselves.

Fairy deck

I’m working on new books in the HELP! I’M SENSITIVE series and the Fairy Deck, finally! Here’s a teeny little peek.


I’ve used some of the cards for my 2013 Calendar, and I really think it’s time for the cards to be, well, cards! So, if you see me on Facebook, do encourage me to finish them! I’m hoping for an early Spring launch, but we will see how that plays out with all the other creative projects I tackle at once (creative ADD).

I’ve been working diligently on my Story/Design Studio site also. I’ve been having a blast learning about video editing and storytelling used for teaching. PURE BLISS! Okay, maybe some of the program learning has been a little frustrating and filled with curse words, but the challenge of learning has been very, very fun.

Cyber Monday Through Wednesday Sale!

I want to thank all my new followers from Pinterest! My little quiz, Are you a sensitive, is practically going viral! For all of you, and my loyal friends and students, I give you Cyber Monday through Wednesday sale on classes! Sign up for January classes now at a whopping $25 off. It’s my thank you to you and to entice you to try out Empath or Fairy School. Yay! Go here to Empath School, here to Fairy Online School to sign up right away before the sale ends! These are crazy cool prices.

Take the Poll

I’m curious what YOU want to see birthed from Fairy Online or Empath School for 2014. Take the poll! I was considering creating a storytelling your life course also with all the cool skills I learned and can share with you. Would you be interested in that? What changes do you want or need? I’d love to hear from you!

Take Our Poll

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23. Oops, off-center again & a solution

Has this happened to you?

I’m surfing the web, confused over a business issue looking for answers. Next thing, I’m pulled over to this really cool, shiny facebook page about moon cycles that I just need to check out. I’m pulled again in another direction with a new seminar that just came up that looks good. Then the girls want to go out and need me to open the door again. Back to the web, I’m now bitching how I have no clue what I’m doing with my biz or what direction I’m going in and singing that song again. Until…

A friend likes a post I just wrote, which leads to the Thriving Artist Summit. I hadn’t even started screaming at my guidance how I never get any help when this thing shows up. I start listening to an audio on marketing and the expert Nikolas Allen says it simply, “What do you do? Who is it for? Who does it benefit?” Hearing those words, I am now back in my own chair and own body again. Well, I know that! I want what I create to teach and help people!

What happened? Why did I get so thrown off? I’m sure it’s an empathic thing too. I picked up on a lot of confusion around me. I picked up a lot of messages from people selling insisting I needed their help and I must not know what I am wanting. I have a lot of childhood messages in there too that have to be thrown out that get triggered.

My favorite passage in Help! I’m Sensitive is about being thrown off in a yoga class. When I focused on those around me, and in this case, Facebook feed, I got thrown off balance. What I needed to do was come back to MY center and then I was clear. As an empath, it’s a HABIT to embody other people’s feelings and point of view to understand them. It’s the matter of going back to my own this time around. Shutting off the world for a little bit and asking myself the important questions. “What do I love to do?” “Why do I do it?” “And who do I want to assist?”

Ah, CENTER. And now I can even do Tree Pose really well.

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24. The wrong direction — how do you know?


December is a wrap-up time. It’s a time of looking at the year you’ve just gone through and sizing up and determining which way to go next. How do you do that with all the choices and opportunities? It can be overwhelming. As someone who is very empathic, I have a built-in radar system that I often curse at and ignore, which, I should be making friends with.

What’s this radar, you ask?

How I feel, especially in my body.

Now I can be slow in the intake, but the situation is improving. The time between getting upset/having an emotional or physical reaction and figuring out that I am upset has shortened. Gone is the time when I’d feel horrible for several days, even weeks, and not know why, because I am now finally noticing with the help of this tool which I will now share with you.

I was faced with a decision over the weekend when an opportunity presented itself. It sounded good and glossy and enticing, but the rest of the day THE MOOD hit. Now, sometimes THE MOOD is one of those empathic “picking up someone else’s shit and I’m carrying around not realizing it is not mine and yet I’m feeling it” kind of moods. I tuned in, and asked this time around, and got a NO from my body that this wasn’t the case.

I explored THE MOOD. I am not a big time fan of this time of year, so there was a little of that melancholy thrown in that I acknowledged. Having experienced many losses this year, I knew that grief was lingering around and was part of what I was feeling. A good cry was needed which I indulged in by watching a sappy movie, but THE MOOD persisted. What was going on?!

A big thank you to my good friends who helped me realize that I was considering go down the wrong way by possibly accepting the opportunity I was presented with. My body was letting me know that opportunity was not aligned with me! It was the wrong fit. Yes, logical mind had a ton of reasons why this choice was a good one. I’d get out of my comfort zone, tackle doing things I wasn’t good at but could be good at. I’d meet new people, and the choice would eventually lead to the direction I wanted to go, maybe. Logical mind is very good at molding me and squooshing me into boxes. But I am a soul that likes to break out of boxes. Body, on the other hand, has a direct line to my inner, empathic radar. It just reacts and lets me know: “Ronni, what the f(*%K are you doing, Girl?” Unlike logical mind, the body knows the simple answers to these questions: will this choice really make me happy? Is this a JOYFUL choice for me? Is it right for me?

We have all had experiences in our lives where we made a choice from logical mind because it looked really good on paper. How did those work out for you? Looking back, I haven’t had one that did.

Thank God and my body for THE MOOD that day. It quickly went away when I acknowledged I was compromising and heading in the wrong direction. (Another good clue). Further insight, and I realized that choice actually would have had me going backwards, not forward. (And that was a really good insight).

So look at your ‘symptoms’ differently today. That stomach ache you keep getting around a certain relative? Don’t curse it, understand what it’s saying. That persistant cold you have every Monday morning you have to go to work? Listen. When THE MOOD hits, don’t berate yourself for being too emotional. And when we bitch and complain we have no guidance and are abandoned, look again in your own backyard! Literally, your own backyard. Your body as your backyard? Get it? Oh, never mind. Just pay attention.

Oh, and incidentally, sometimes the body is saying YES to something that seems totally crazy and illogical, but is a fabulous great decision or the right road to pursue. I felt that way adopting my newest dog family member and going back to school. I’m so glad I listened.


Be sure to check out my book Help! I’m Sensitive and new book on animal communication, Speak Woof and Meow. And for further tips and tools for being sensitive, sign up for the January session of the EMPATH SKILLS ONLINE CLASS. And one more, keep your eyes on the lookout for my new book, YOUR TURTLE SHELL.

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25. Help for the Holidays excerpt

This is a crazy time for a sensitive person. The energy out there alone is a little on the wonky side. So, here’s a little tip from my eBook, Help for the Holidays if you are Sensitive. 

Screen Shot 2013-12-23 at 10.18.40 AM


Need the ebook? Here’s a link.

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