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Me if I were transformed into some kind of beast and I met a little baby chick (in the snow).

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By Alexander Humez

Phone (from Greek φωνή ’sound [of the voice], voice, sound, tone’) shows up in English as a prefix (in, e.g., phonograph), a root form (in, e.g., phonetics), a free-standing word (phone), and as a suffix (in, e.g., gramophone) of which A. F. Brown lists well over a hundred in his monumental Normal and Reverse English Word List, though considering that -phone in the sense of “-speaker of” can be tacked onto the end of any combining root that designates a language (as in Francophone), the list of possibilities is considerably greater.

Urdang, Humez, and Zettler in their Suffixes and Other Word-Final Elements of English distinguish among four senses in which the suffix -phone is used (six for -phonic), an overloading that has occasionally resulted in polysemy, where a word has come to have multiple meanings, whether through semantic evolution (e.g., telephone, which has come some distance from its original meaning, now no longer in use), independent invention (e.g., hypophone, which was coined by two different people to mean two very different things), or different etymological histories (e.g., diaphone, in which the -phone of one has a different immediate derivation from that of the other). Follow THIS LINK for a short list of polysemic words ending in -phone, each of which is accompanied by three examples or definitions, two of which are correct and the other of which is bogus. See if you can identify the phonies.

Alexander Humez is the co-author of Short Cuts: A Guide to Oaths, Ring Tones, Ransom Notes, Famous Last Words, and Other Forms of Minimalist Communication with his brother, Nicholas Humez, and Rob Flynn. The Humez brothers also collaborated on Latin for People, Alpha to Omega, A B C Et Cetera, Zero to Lazy Eight (with Joseph Maguire), and On the Dot. To see Humez’s previous posts, click here.

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There are many challenges to running a small business.  It should come as no surprise that funding always seems to be near the top of the obstacle list.  Thus, we here at MJM Books are always on the lookout for new and inovative ways to save money.   And since we’re always looking to help out our fellow man (or woman), when we do come across something noteworthy, we feel it is our civic duty to pass the info along.

 

Enter Google Voice. Google Voice is a new, and get this, free, application from Google.  But what exactly does it do?

 

Well first and formost the application gives the user a completely free phone number.   This in itself is a huge bonus for many small businesses as the monthly costs and contracts of maintaining an additional phone line can be significant .  

 

How the phone number works is simple, a caller dials the user’s Google assigned number and then the call is forwarded to another number.   This process is completely seamless to the caller.  So, for example, if you have a cell phone you can have your Google number forwarded to that cell phone.   Or, you can have the Google number forwarded to multiple phones at the same time. 

 

Then, to make things even cooler, your caller ID will tell you that the incoming call is from your Google number!  Now, instead of answering calls from your customers with your typical “Hello” you can add a much more professional “Thanks for calling Bill’s Widget Emporium.  How can I help you?”  This gives the impression that your customers are contacting a proper business rather than some guy selling widgets out of his garage. (Not that there is anything wrong with selling widgets out of one’s garage… but I think you get the point!    )

 

Google Voice also comes with a host of cool features like voicemail and voicemail transcription.  Anytime you get a voicemail you’ll get a nifty email with not only the voice attachment but an easy to check written transcription of the message.   

 

Currently Google Voice is in a pseudo-beta period and numbers are only given out by invitation. However, I would encourage anyone with interest in this to sign up.  It really is a great idea and has a slew of practical applications. 

 

Heck, you could sign up for one of these numbers and then give it out to all the telemarketers.  You could record a nasty voicemail message and really give those bothersome folks an earful!

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I absolutely HATE text language. Nothing in the world annoys me more than seeing someone type in text language. Okay, I do use the occasional text language phrase like ‘you’ becomes ‘u’ and ‘are’ becomes ‘r’. I do use the occasional acronym like ‘to be honest’ becomes ‘tbh’, ‘laughing out loud’ becomes ‘lol’ and ‘by the way’ becomes ‘btw’. I think a text language vocabulary of up to 20 words should be tolerated. (Mine only reaches like 5 which is better but…! ) But when situations worsen to a point where you see someone write ‘I am busy right now’ in text language and it looks like ‘i m bc ryt nw’, at that point, you really want to bang your head on the nearest wall until your eyes pop out and even Homer Simpson seems as attractive as Brad Pitt.

Here is my list of why text language spelling should officially be allowed to get a criminal record (or better still - imprisonment) if exceeded by 20 words in its vocabulary list:

1. It makes you sound like a 2 year old. 2 year olds can’t type and when you type text spelling, it looks like you can’t type, thus making you look like a 2 year old.
2. It makes you sound illiterate. It feels like your mum and dad denied you the basic education you should have deserved.
3. It makes you look like you are so poverty stricken that your keyboard has been bashed by a cow but you still won’t replace it.
4. Text spelling seems to worm its way to exam papers and other official pieces of papers and THAT is despicable.
5. It looks like jumbled letters. It really looks like you are trying to teach little Molly how to read and write.
6. Using text language is denying other people the right to read. When they look at random letters, no punctuation and no use of the teensiest bit of decent grammar, then their mind goes into delirium whether what they are reading is proper or not, thus corrupting their minds.
7. Children will become weird because of text language and will take over the world with signs and posters and literally everything sounding that way.
8. Teachers won’t be able to correct exam papers because if the students use text spelling and the teachers can’t (I’m pretty sure half the teachers think ‘lol’ means lolling about because we find something funny, which really, makes no sense at all) that’s illiteracy stepped up a notch and a waste of doing exams anyway. As it is, the British government education folk are worried exams are getting easier by the second.
9. On a much more realistic note, text spelling is going out of fashion. More and more people shun it and funnily enough shun those who still use it, so if you use it, stop. Or you’ll find yourself tied to a pole near the bus stop getting thrashed by a bunch of geekily cool teenagers.

I know that was a pretty angry rant but, let’s face the facts, text language spelling isn’t great! If anything at all, it is wasteful. People say it reduces the effort to type but it increases the effort to read. Let’s all type decently and read decently and not become slaves to ‘txt lngage splng’ (or for normal people, text language spelling).

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I absolutely HATE text language. Nothing in the world annoys me more than seeing someone type in text language. Okay, I do use the occasional text language phrase like ‘you’ becomes ‘u’ and ‘are’ becomes ‘r’. I do use the occasional acronym like ‘to be honest’ becomes ‘tbh’, ‘laughing out loud’ becomes ‘lol’ and ‘by the way’ becomes ‘btw’. I think a text language vocabulary of up to 20 words should be tolerated. (Mine only reaches like 5 which is better but…! ) But when situations worsen to a point where you see someone write ‘I am busy right now’ in text language and it looks like ‘i m bc ryt nw’, at that point, you really want to bang your head on the nearest wall until your eyes pop out and even Homer Simpson seems as attractive as Brad Pitt.

Here is my list of why text language spelling should officially be allowed to get a criminal record (or better still - imprisonment) if exceeded by 20 words in its vocabulary list:

1. It makes you sound like a 2 year old. 2 year olds can’t type and when you type text spelling, it looks like you can’t type, thus making you look like a 2 year old.
2. It makes you sound illiterate. It feels like your mum and dad denied you the basic education you should have deserved.
3. It makes you look like you are so poverty stricken that your keyboard has been bashed by a cow but you still won’t replace it.
4. Text spelling seems to worm its way to exam papers and other official pieces of papers and THAT is despicable.
5. It looks like jumbled letters. It really looks like you are trying to teach little Molly how to read and write.
6. Using text language is denying other people the right to read. When they look at random letters, no punctuation and no use of the teensiest bit of decent grammar, then their mind goes into delirium whether what they are reading is proper or not, thus corrupting their minds.
7. Children will become weird because of text language and will take over the world with signs and posters and literally everything sounding that way.
8. Teachers won’t be able to correct exam papers because if the students use text spelling and the teachers can’t (I’m pretty sure half the teachers think ‘lol’ means lolling about because we find something funny, which really, makes no sense at all) that’s illiteracy stepped up a notch and a waste of doing exams anyway. As it is, the British government education folk are worried exams are getting easier by the second.
9. On a much more realistic note, text spelling is going out of fashion. More and more people shun it and funnily enough shun those who still use it, so if you use it, stop. Or you’ll find yourself tied to a pole near the bus stop getting thrashed by a bunch of geekily cool teenagers.

I know that was a pretty angry rant but, let’s face the facts, text language spelling isn’t great! If anything at all, it is wasteful. People say it reduces the effort to type but it increases the effort to read. Let’s all type decently and read decently and not become slaves to ‘txt lngage splng’ (or for normal people, text language spelling).

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After months of research I picked up my new cell phone today. A Samsung i760 Smart Phone. Isn't it pretty?



It's nice but the bluetooth headset I got is going back. I need to find one that fits my ear better. I am still getting acquainted with it but I can make calls and send text messages (which is the best way to stay in touch with my daughter) and I managed to synch my calendar and my contacts and my task list. Way cool! The little slide-out keyboard is sooooo much easier for text messaging or entering a task or contact. Best part (so far) is that my husband has the same phone so all those annoying things I can't figure out, he will learn first and then show me!

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And I even have photographic proof, thanks to my cool new (phone) camera. :) I've been playing with it for two days now. I'll have to share my rundown of the company party last night at some other time (they rented out the ENTIRE Space Needle! it was so awesome!), but see how cool this camera hidden in a phone is?

Meet David Farland, Brandon Sanderson (mistborn), and L.E. Modesitt. They're all three on a book tour together up and down the West Coast these last few weeks. They may be published by *cough*competitor's name here*cough*, but they're also all three friends from Utah. Brandon and I went to BYU together--we met on the staff of TLE, now known as Leading Edge Magazine, having dropped the "The." I met both Lee and Dave at Life, the Universe, and Everything, the annual science fiction and fantasy symposium at BYU. (That's the conference at which I'm going to be the Editor Guest of Honor this coming Feb.)

They were in town and wanted to see all the cool stuff at Wizards (plus, Brandon had been bragging about the swag he'd gotten the year before when he and several other friends came to visit), so it was great to catch up with them.

If you're in the Seattle area, and want to see them yourself, drop on by the University Bookstore in the U District tonight. They'll be signing at 7pm.




Did you know that they now make little disks smaller than the SD? It's called a Micro SD, and it's what my phone uses. I have 512 MB of memory--only about 24 MB was used up by about 100 pictures in the last two days, totally shooting down what the guy who sold it to me said. I could have bought the 256 MB disk for $20 cheaper and still had space and to spare.

But here's my cool little disk:



It's only a 2 megapixel camera, but for a phone, that's great! It was the best one of the ones I could pick from--every other one only had a 1.3 megapixel camera, and I've seen what those can do. And I get a nice size for posting straight to the web, which is really only what I want it for, because I have a great film SLR that will do everything else I want, and better than most 5 or 6 megapixel cameras out there.

The only thing is, I'm coming to really love the instant gratification aspect of it. For example, I've taken more self-portraits in the last two days than I've probably taken with my SLR in the last 10 years combined. You just won't see more than the two or three posted here, because I can DELETE them, too!







Next on my list of things to figure out: how to post the videos I can take. Not that I've videoed anything all that interesting. Just my cats playing. They're much easier to catch in video than stills.





So I tell ya. The funniest part of today was hearing from Brandon Sanderson, Evil Undead Overlord and harbinger of cool gadget toys, that my phone was cooler than his. Ha!

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