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Hi all! Stacey here with my buddy and fellow PubCrawler Stephanie Garber. There may come a time in your life where you will be asked to moderate a panel or facilitate a discussion. Here are our ten hot tips for moderating success.
1) Read the panelists’ books. The best panels in my opinion are the ones in which the moderator asks questions tailored to the author’s works. Obviously, this isn’t always possible, but at least be familiar with the book’s main ideas and stand out points. Don’t be afraid to ask your panelists’ publicists for books. It’s in the publishers’ interests for you to be informed about their author’s works. My secret weapon is to listen to the panelists’ audiobooks, when available. You can make your commute go by faster, and you can listen to them at 3x speed.
2) Send questions ahead of time. Some panelists can answer questions easily on the fly; others would rather visit the dentist than be unprepared. The more you can make your panelists comfortable, the easier time you will have facilitating a conversation.
3) Introduce your authors using the same tone and length. Often moderators will simply read an author’s bio for the introduction, but this invites problems. I recently participated in a panel where the moderator relied on our bios. My own is short and humorous, and doesn’t mention awards or distinctions, whereas the bio of the woman next to me mentioned every degree and award she had received. By contrast, I couldn’t help feeling like the village idiot. This might take a little work on your part to make your intros ‘match,’ but you’ll come across as more polished, and your authors will thank you.
(Note: I have encountered diva/divo panelists who want to be introduced a certain way. I tell them I will do my best, but make no promises. I firmly believe in treating every panelist with dignity and respect, and that means not putting one above the other).
I have spoken on panels where the moderator asks each author to introduce herself, which I find awkward and painful. Not everyone is comfortable talking about herself, and on the flip side, some authors can run at the mouth, viewing the intro as a way to self promote. You can avoid potential awkwardness by doing the honors.
4) Help your audience distinguish between panelists by presenting them as individuals. I have used labels such as, “a rising star,” “a thrilling new voice in contemporary fiction,” “a living legend,” “a NYT bestselling author.” Obviously, make sure your descriptions are complimentary.
5) Go with the flow. A recent panel I moderated featured two authors who were good friends and pros at public speaking. They had great chemistry, and meandered from topic to topic without much prompting from me. I had prepared questions in advance, but found myself needing to replace them with ones that were more natural to the conversation at hand. An additional challenge was to include the third panelist in the discussion as much as possible. This is where a good working knowledge of the authors and their books is essential, because sometimes you have to improvise, and the best way to improvise is to come prepared.
6) Resist letting authors read from their books. I personally find this a waste of time. The audience is there to learn something they can’t learn by merely picking up the book. Plus, not every author is good at, or comfortable with, reading out loud.
7) Remember, it’s not about you. As the moderator, your job is to guide conversations so that the panelists shine. However, this doesn’t mean you can’t bring yourself into the discussion by using examples from your own life to illustrate a particular question. And if you’re asking panelists individual questions, they love it when you’re able to sincerely mention how much something in their writing resonated with you.
8) The moderator sets the tone for the panel, so be personable and engaging. Think of yourself as the first sentence of a novel, the thing that pulls readers into the story. It’s the job of the moderator to engage the attention of every guest in the room.
9) Repeat questions asked by the audience. Just because you can hear a question doesn’t mean the entire room can hear it. Repeating the question also gives your panelists a little more time to think about their answers.
10) Try to have a little fun! Everyone appreciates humor, so if at all possible, weave some into your questions and your introductions—as long as your humor is respectful to the panelists.
Swati Avasthi does a brilliant job moderating a panel at the Multnomah Library that includes myself, Tess Sharpe and Isabel Quintero.
In the comments, let us know if you’ve seen a good moderator recently. Why was s/he good? What things could the moderator have improved upon?
कुछ समय पहले रक्तदान पर एक सेमिनार मे जाना हुआ. असल में, वहां मेरा भी lecture था. स्वाभाविक है कुछ पेट में butterflies, टेंशन और धबराहट थी. मुझे lunch के बाद का समय मिला था. इसलिए लंच का मन ही नही किया. लंच टाईम में मैं उसी कक्ष में आ गई जहां मुझे बोलना था.
दो बजे और लगभग कक्ष पूरा भर गया. मेरा नम्बर सात वक्ताओं के बाद का था और सभी को दस दस मिनट मिले. वक्ता एक एक करके बोले जा रहे थे और यकीन मानिए इक्का दुक्का को छोड कर बस बोले जा रहे थे.उन्हें दर्शकों से कोई लेना देना नही था. इतना ही नही मेरे साथ बैठी महिला के खर्राटे मैं आराम से सुन पा रही थी. कोई मोबाईल पर लगा था तो कोई टेक लगा कर आराम से AChall मे उंघ रहा था शायद सभी को दिन में भोजन के बाद सोने की आदत होगी. मैं सोच रही थी कि मेरी मेहनत तो बेकार ही जाएगी जब कोई सुनने वाला ही न हो … हां सुनने वाले तीन लोग तो जरुर थे पहली जो स्टेज पर आने का निमंत्रण दे रहीं थीं. दूसरे जो स्टेज पर थे और तीसरे जो certificate या मोमेंटो आदि देने की तैयारी कर रहे थे. वक्ता के बोलने के बाद ताली भी ऐसे बजा रहे थे खुद की ताली की आवाज अपने ही कानों को न सुनाई दे. बस एक्शन ही था ताली का.
…. और मेरा नम्बर भी आ गया. मेरे साथ बैठी खर्राटे लेती महिला भी उठ चुकी थी और उनकी नजरे दरवाजे की तरफ थी कि कब चाय आए और वो फ्रेश हो जाए. खैर. मैने स्टेज पर जाकर अभिवादन किया और पूछा कि स्टेज पर यहां खडे होकर वक्ता को एक बात से बहुत डर लगता है. क्या आप बता सकते हैं? दर्शक थोडे उत्सुक हो गए . किसी ने कहा कि भूलने का डर तो किसी ने कहा अपना पेपर ही न लाए हो अलग अलग आवाजे आ रही थी पर मैं सभी की बाते बेहद विश्वास से मना करती जा रही थी फिर मैने कहा डर इस बात का लगता है कि सामने सीट पर बैठे लोग सो न रहे हो…लंच टाईम से पहले तो लोग लंच की इंतजार में जागते हैं पर लंच के बाद हालत गम्भीर हो जाती है और एक आध झपकी … !! ठहाके से कक्ष गूंज उठा. मैने विनती की कि प्लीज आप मत सोईएगा क्योकि आपको सोता देख मुझे भी नींद आ गई तो … !!! खैर, मैं अपनाlecture शुरु कर चुकी थी और दस बारह मिनट बाद में समाप्त करके वापिस अपनी सीट पर जा रही थी. बेशक, बाद में बहुत लोग मिले.Visiting cards भी दिए. तारीफ भी की और अन्य सेमिनार के निमंत्रण भी मिले पर सोचने की बात ये है कि हम वक्ता के रुप में क्या बोले कि दर्शक बिना सोए और आराम से सुने. वैसे नेताओ को तो हम समय समय पर सुनते ही रहते है. कुछ पढ कर बोलते है कुछ बिना पढे बोलते है बिना पढ कर बोलने वालो को दर्शक ज्यादा पसंद करते हैं. विभिन्न सेमिनार में मेरा जो बोलने का अनुभव रहा है उसी के आधार पर मैं कुछ बातें शेयर करना चाह्ती हूं.
Public Speaking
कुछ लोग तो बहुत बोलते हैं बस माईक मिला नही कि आधा आधा घंटा बस बोलते रहते बोलते रहते हैं … ये भी ठीक नही. कम बोलिए और काम का बोलिए.
बेशक speaker को बोलने से पहले थोडा डर रहता है और होना भी चाहिए. कई बार अति आत्मविश्वास भी ठीक नही होता. बस मन ही मन खुद को तैयार करना है और लम्बे गहरे सांस लेने हैं और अगर पानी की आवश्यकता हो तो जरुर पी लें ताकि गला न सूखे और हो सके तो पानी की छोटी वाली बोतल पर अपने पास रख लें.
इस बात को भी मन मे बैठा लें कि जो सामने बैठे हैं ये भी सभी वक्ता हैं और आपकी तरह ही है अपनी बारी का इंतजार कर रहे हैं.
आरम्भ में आप दर्शकों को अपना कोई उदारण दे कर बताएगें कि मेरे सामने बहुत माननीय लोग बैठे हैं अगर बोलने में हकला जाउं घबरा जाऊ या कोई गलती हो जाए तो क्षमा कीजिएगा तो इससे आप भी रिलेक्स हो जाएगें और दर्शक भी आराम से आपकी बात सुनेंगें.
अगर बोलते वक्त आप कोई PPT यानि Power Point Presentation दे रहे हैं तो और और भी अच्छा है आपका ध्यान स्क्रीन और लोगो की तरफ बराबर रहेगा और भूलने वाला कोई सीन ही नही होगा क्योकि आप अगली स्लाईड करके आराम से देख सकते हैं और इसी बीच बोलने में एक ठहराव भी ला सकते हैं जोकि जरुरी भी है.
कई बार वक्ता हाथ बहुत हिलाते हैं हाथों के हाव भाव होने चाहिए पर बहुत ज्यादा हाथ हिलाना कई बार मजाक का कारण बन जाता है. कई बार वक्ता बस पेपर रीडिंग ही करते रह जाते हैं जोकि बिल्कुल भी सही नही है ऐसे में तो दर्शको का सोना या उंघना पक्का होता है या फिर समय अवधि बहुत ज्यादा हो तो भी दर्शकों को नींद आ जाती है.
एक बार मंच संचालन के दौरान मैने देखा कि बहुत लोग सुस्त हो रहे हैं जी हां सही पहचाना वो भी लंच के बाद का सैशन था. एक व्यक्ति बार बार घडी देख रहा था. जैसे बहुत बोर हो रहा हो और दूसरा अपनी घडी हिला हिला कर देख रहा था. मेरे पूछ्ने पर उसने बताया कि वो ये देख रहा कि घडी रुक तो नही गई. चल तो रही है ना … !!! इस पर लोग थोडा हंस भी दिए और प्रोग्राम मे थोडी जान भी आ गई. कई बार छोटी छोटी बाते पूछ कर मनोरंजन करते रहना चाहिए. चाहे चुटकुला हो या प्रेरक प्रसंग या अपना कोई उदाहरण. पर सार्थक होना चाहिए यानि बातों बातो से ही निकलना चाहिए. जैसाकि इस बात पर मुझे एक बात याद आई … !!!
एक मुख्य बात यह भी की मुस्कान जरुर रखनी चाहिए. ना बहुत ज्यादा न बहुत कम. इससे दर्शकों को अच्छा लगता है. रोता मुंह या उदास मुंह कोई पसंद नही करता.
बातें और और भी बहुत है पर अगर ये लेख लंबा हो गया और आपको नींद आ गई तो तो तो … इसलिए अभी के लिए इतना ही… बाय बाय !
वैसे जाते जाते एक जरुरी टिप्स … रात को अच्छी नींद लीजिएगा ताकि अगले दिन अच्छी तरह से बोल पाए…
वैसे अगर कुछ टिप्स आपके पास भी हो leadership Speaking की तो जरुर दीजिए आपका स्वागत है … Public Speaking skills ,Public Speaking tips , Public Speaking course हो या आपका अपना अनुभव आपका स्वागत है …
Do you speak for organization as a way to advertise your books? Maybe you do school visits, or talk to a Kiwanis club, or even do Keynote Speeches for various organizations as a way to supplement your writing income.
If so, I’ve got a great book for you.
TED Talks
I am inspired by the TED Talks. TED, or Technology, Entertainment and Design, a nonprofit organization, invites people to give “the speech of their lives” in 18 minutes or less. Each speech should focus on one “idea worth sharing.”
The video archive includes some of the best public speaking you’ll ever see.
If you want to give better speeches, it makes sense to study the TED talks.
And that’s exactly what Jeremey Donovan has done in his book, HOW TO DELIVER A TED TALK: SECRETS OF THE WORLD’S MOST INSPIRING PRESENTATIONS. As you read this post on October 27, 2014, I’ll be at a Reading Recovery conference speaking about my work. The last time I went out, I bombed.
Now, I do a lot of speaking and it comes pretty easy for me. But last time, I really wasn’t prepared the way I should’ve been, and it showed. I vowed THAT would never happen again. In fact, that failure has spurred me to aspire to do better than ever before. Whatever level I was before, I’d like to up the game and improve.
Focus. When I taught freshman composition, the hardest thing was to get students to focus on something important enough, but manageable within the five pages of the assignment. Focus is difficult because we have so much we want to say. But not everything needs to go into THIS speech. TED talks ask you to find that one “idea worth spreading.”
It took me a long time to focus this speech! In some ways, the question is a philosophical one: what do you care about passionately? That’s what will connect with people.
Structure. Like any good writer or speechwriter, Donovan spends a lot of time on organization. There’s nothing particularly new or innovative in this section; however, his analysis of speech after speech is helpful, because you’ll see exactly how other TED talks were organized. He covers both inductive and deductive reasoning in detail.
Storytelling. The use of stories to enliven a speech is a time-tested technique. But Donovan explains the WHY and WHICH ONE. For me, the emphasis on a personal story was important. I am an ambivert, able to be extroverted when necessary, but in my everyday life, I’m an introvert. I don’t like sharing personal stories. And yet, for others to connect with you, it’s necessary. My new speech includes several new personal stories.
Powerpoint. Donovan says that about 60% of TED talks have no Powerpoint. Hurrah! It’s not my favorite method of giving information to a crowd. However–this time, I realized that I needed to do one. My normal approach would be to blow it off till the last minute–but that didn’t work last time and I was determined to do it right this time. I created a 55 slide pack.
Practice. Really? You want me to practice this 70 minute presentation? Yes. If I was doing a TED talk–with all the prestige of that organization, you can bet I would practice. I’m planning to do a run through a couple times this weekend. Realistically–one really good run-through is likely, but that’s better than the last time!
The benefits of taking the time to focus on the speech should be great. I know that I’ll relax more because I’m prepared. The connection with the audience should be much better than last time when I truly bombed. And who knows where it will go from there.
Speaking in front of people terrifies me. So last week when I had a fifteen minute slot to fill as a speaker at the Orange County Children’s Book Festival, I called a friend and told her she needed to share the time with me. The funny thing is, ask me to sing the National Anthem […]
0 Comments on The Art of Not Sucking as of 1/1/1900
(Kate Wilson of the wonderful Nosy Crow asked me to write a guest post for her on my experiences of self-publishing as a published author. For your info, she didn't know what those experiences were, so there was no direction or expectation. I have re-posted it here, with permission. Note that this is personal experience, not advice.)
Many writers, previously published or not, talk excitedly about why they enjoy self-publishing. Let me tell you why I don’t.
I’ve self-published (only as ebooks) three of my previously published YA novels and three adult non-fiction titles which hadn’t been published before. From these books I make a welcome income of around £250 a month – a figure that is remarkably constant. So, why have I not enjoyed it and why won’t I do it again?
It’s damned hard to sell fiction! (Over 90% of that £250 is from the non-fiction titles.) Publishers know this. They also know that high sales are not always about “quality”, which is precisely why very good novels can be rejected over and over. Non-fiction is easier because it’s easy to find your readers and for them to find your book. Take my book about writing a synopsis, for example; anyone looking for a book on writing a synopsis will Google “books on writing a synopsis” and, hey presto, Write a Great Synopsis appears. But if someone wants a novel, the chances of finding mine out of the available eleventy million are slim. This despite the fact that they had fab reviews and a few awards from their former lives.
But some novels do sell well. So why don’t mine? Because I do absolutely nothing to sell them. Why not? Well, this is the point. Several points.
First, time. I am too busy with other writing and public-speaking but, even if I weren’t, the necessary marketing takes far too long (for me) and goes on for too long after publication: the very time when I want to be writing another one. This is precisely why publishers tend only to work on publicity for a short while after publication: they have other books to work on. We may moan but it has to be like that – unless a book does phenomenally well at first, you have to keep working at selling it.
Second, I dislike the stuff I’d have to do to sell more books. Now, this is where you start leaping up and down saying, “But published authors have to do that, too!” Yes, and I do, but it’s different. When a publisher has invested money because they believe in your book, you obviously want to help them sell it. But when the only person who has actually committed any money is you, the selling part feels different. It’s a case of “I love my book so much that I published it – now you need to believe in me enough to buy it.” I can’t do it. Maybe I don’t believe in myself enough. Fine. I think books need more than the author believing in them. The author might be right and the book be fabulous, but I tend to be distrustful of strangers telling me they are wonderful so why should I expect others to believe me if I say I am? And I don’t want to spend time on forums just to sell more books.
Third, I love being part of a team. Yes, I’ve had my share of frustrating experiences in the course of 100 or so published books, but I enjoy the teamwork – even though I’m an introvert who loves working alone in a shed; I love the fact that other people put money and time and passion into selling my book. It gives me confidence and support. They won’t make money if they don’t sell my book and I still like and trust that model.
And I especially love that once I’ve written it and done my bit for the publicity machine and done the best I can for my book, I can let it go and write another.
See, I’m a writer, not a publisher. I may love control – the usual reason given for self-publishing – but I mostly want control over my words, not the rest. (That control, by the way, is never lost to a good editor, and I’ve been lucky with genius editors.) So, yes, I am pleased with the money I’ve earned from self-publishing and I love what I’ve learnt about the whole process, but now I’m going back to where I am happy to do battle for real control: my keyboard.
It’s all I want to do.
Nicola Morgan has written about 100 books, with half a dozen "traditional" publishers of various sizes from tiny to huge. She is a former chair of the Society of Authors in Scotland and advises hard-working writers on becoming and staying published, and on the marketing/publicity/events/behaviour that goes along with that. She has also just created BRAIN STICKS™, an original and huuuuuuge set of teaching resources about the brain and mental health.
0 Comments on Why I don't want to self-publish again as of 8/22/2014 2:11:00 AM
This is a sponsored post by Grammarly. I use Grammarly for proofreading because some cool guy named, Nikolas Baron from Grammarly’s Online Partnerships Team invited me to coffee. I drink coffee. He wrote, “If you ever find yourself in foggy San Francisco; I’d love to grab some coffee .” Nick had me at coffee.
If you are a friend of mine on Facebook, then you’d know that I live my life fairly openly and somewhat transparently. I’m the first to laugh and poke fun at myself when something humorous has happened to me by attempting to be witty on my wall. I revel in it when I make you laugh because I like to be funny. When you laugh at something I’ve done or said; you have paid me the biggest compliment of all. By the same token, I have no problem posting some ridiculously stupid thing I did, (like the time I pumped unleaded fuel into my Diesel tank), and have no qualms plastering that on my wall where it might seep permanently into the bowels of the internet, perhaps into perpetuity, and for the world to see. I’m okay with that because I want you to know who I really am, not some person I want the world to see.
When I’ve had a bad day, I try to seek resolve and clarity in what happened and hopefully teach myself or others a thing or two so that maybe, together, we can even learn from my mistakes. Know that I am learning from yours. If you really understand who I am as a person, then you’ll distinguish that I always try to keep things as positive as possible because I never want my problems to become yours, but if I’m going through an especially tough time, you can count on the fact that I’m going to share it. Friends are healing and words are powerful. Equally, I hope I can be there to ease your pain in your time of need. The weight of the world is too big to carry it alone.
Know that I’m visiting your wall as often as I can, or I’m picking up stories from the newsfeed and working hard to discover who you really are, too because I want to hear about your life, and read about your achievements. I’m going to miss some big things in your life because I wasn’t ON when you mentioned them. If it’s something you really want me to know about, and I haven’t commented, please pick-up the phone and call me. Sadly, because of where you live, I may have to admire you from afar, and the phone or Facebook is our only real means of communication. If you’re in San Francisco when I meet with Nick from Grammarly, please join us for coffee. That’s how you build your network, and I also don’t know if he’s an axe murderer or not, so you’d be helping me out. Protection in numbers, I always say.
Facebook is a journal. When you make a post, you are chronicling your life in some way, and chances are if we are “friends,” I respect or admire you. By living your life well, or at least as best you can, you can count on me to appreciate and never judge the things you have to say. I hope you respect and admire the life I lead as well, but be sure that I know that I can’t please everyone, nor will everyone “like” me or what I have to say, and that’s okay. Kindly also note that, although few and far between, some of you may have turned me off by posting negative comments about the people in your life who came into yours with some degree of baggage. I can’t help worry that if you discard some fallible, vulnerable human for being fallible and vulnerable, and you did this publicly, you might discard me just as carelessly too. I’m not too keen on public embarrassment, and the good Lord knows, I’m fallible and vulnerable, too. All humans are. If you are one of these people who like to air your dirty laundry on Facebook, please stop it. Smack your face until it turns blue the next time you contemplate doing it again. Facebook is not a platform for this, the Jerry Springer Show is. Public humiliation is a low blow, and I could harp on this all day. At least be kind enough to judge or admonish others quietly, and to yourself, or more politely by considering doing it directly to their faces. I can admire someone who stands up face-to-face to others for being personally wronged.
I’m a boastful mother, and I know this. I brag about my children when they’ve reached a milestone or accomplished something in their lives. They are a cornerstone in mine and frankly, I am smitten and consumed by them. It’s true; I’m proud of myself for raising them well , and for—I’m going to say it, and I knock on wood, for getting them through life so far, pretty much unscathed. Truth be told, from where I sit, if they fart, they might as well be sprouting cute, furry bunnies from their adorable, round little rumpuses. They are perfect in my eyes. I made them, and I am proud of Hubs and me for that. Again, I can’t help being boastful. Please do me a favor and brag about your kids more often, so that I can feel better about myself.
I celebrate big, too. I work hard, and I love to talk about the milestones or accomplishments I’ve made in my life because since an early age, I had to advocate and pat myself on the back. I grew up knowing that I have to love myself first, so I can learn to love others more. Here again, when you pat me on the back and say, “Good job,” that’s one of the highest compliments you can pay me. If you knew my background, as some of you do, you would know that I’ve had to overcome much to be where I am today, and well, darn it, I’m proud of whom I have become. Perhaps I do push myself too hard, too often. But, if you are “friends” of mine on Facebook, please believe me when I say that I love to hear all about your accomplishments, where you’ve been, where you’re going, and what you’re doing—as much as I like to talk about my own. I see it every day on Facebook, there are people reaching out and looking for words of encouragement. I’m blessed. I have lots of great friends who support and encourage me often. Every now and then give someone with fewer “friends” that all important nudge of encouragement. Consider your life to be enriched when someone shares their blessings with you.
I believe that Facebook, at least for me, has become my conduit for self-expression. So, I just really try and be myself. As a public speaker who sometimes talks about advocating Social Media, I have heard all sorts of philosophies on what works and what doesn’t. I understand the “Do’s and Don’ts” and all about meeting expectations on how to express oneself correctly when using social platforms. But, what I’ve really learned is this: There is no perfect, in a nutshell, way to lead your live socially. Not to sound cliché, but I encourage you to just stay true to yourself without bashing other people. (I told you, I could go on and on about this.)
Below are my personal, albeit essential, Social Media Strategies on How I Like to Conduct Myself on Six Social Media Platforms:
LinkedIn:Be Professional, Build Your Network and Explore. The days of the job hunt and cold call are over if you use the network wisely.
Facebook:Be Discriminate about Whom You Let into Your Network, So You Can Be Personal. I posted about errant panties ending up the laundry tonight. It’s a funny story.
Twitter:Be Personal and Professional. Be Professional Most of the Time. Post frequent and meaningful content that appeals to a wide audience. Follow people smarter than you.
Pinterest:Pinning is loads of fun. I advocate having loads of fun.
Instagram:Have Fun. Show the World Your Inner-Photographer and Videographer. Note: I’m personally bored with cat posts.
WordPress:Life’s a Crazy Journey, So Write about It. Start a Blog.
2 Comments on Confessions of a Forty-Three-Year-Old Social Butterfly, last added: 10/6/2013
I like how you compare some people’s use of facebook to the Jerry springer show, i think this is one reason I have taken to rarely going on Facebook and next to never writing a status as I prefer the atmosphere on wordpress.
TAG said, on 10/6/2013 7:45:00 AM
I see what you mean about WordPress. There’s no drama here. All commentary.
I'm a talker. I'll talk your ear off but.... not in front of a crowd. I am scared to death of getting up in front of a group.... I've done it but...I get sooooo nervous.
I don't mind public speaking, but I do like to have a plan. A Power Point is nice, but I always get nervous that the technology won't work and then I won't know what to say. Be sure to have a printed copy just in case!
Great idea Deb. I like to have things in my hands - my book, promotional things, etc. And I try to remember the folks sitting there like books and want to hear about mine or how I got the idea in the first place. I usually make-up 10 pre-planned questions as a press kit and have the answers ready so I don't have to stumble around for the right words. I've thought it out ahead of time. Good luck and remember to enjoy yourself. DL Larson
As long as I have a cheat sheet, I have no problem with public speaking. I'd be lost without one, and be afraid my mind would go blank for some silly reason.
I have Power Point program and one of these days I'd like to use it in a presentation, when I figure out how!
In the comments a couple of week’s ago, someone said they were still looking for a uniquely introverted approach to being an author rather than settling for Extrovert Lite, and I thought that was an interesting point. It got me to thinking, what would a uniquely introverted presence look and feel like? Is there a way to craft presence that is truly based on introvert strengths and not Extrovert Lite?
If one’s idea of an introvert presence is to have to do absolutely no engaging or connecting, the answer is probably not. One exception to this might be if you wrote such a dynamic, compelling kick @ss book that the publisher gets behind it in a BIG way and does all the heavy lifting for you. Even then, they will most likely want you to have some presence, some way of your readers to find you, a web site, a Facebook or Twitter account, or a blog. But how you use them is up to you.
So how does an introvert take these tools and use them wholly in their own way?
I think part of that answer is to use them with a different end in mind; to connect with readers rather than to draw and create new readers. It is a small thing really, a shift in perspective, but one that is based solidly in the introvert’s personality and strengths.
Introvert strengths that can be used to connect with readers are:
1. We are good at connecting deeply and meaningfully with people.
2. We like to think and talk about big, important things and ideas. Not chit chat, but deep conversations.
3. While we do like to connect with people, it needs to be in keeping with our own energy levels. This is why the internet is such a huge breakthrough for introverts.
So we build our marketing presence on those three principles. In fact, it will not so much be a marketing presence but more about creating opportunities to connect. It might seem like a matter of semantics, but it radically shifts the focus and the goal of what you’re doing—and that goes a long way to taking it out of the Extrovert Lite category and putting it solidly into the Truly Introvert category.
The thing is, if you’re a writer, I’m guessing that means you had something to say, something that compelled you to give voice to the ideas and thoughts in your head. Connecting in an introverted way is simply about extending that at the edges, just a little bit.
As an introvert:
DON’T pay attention to numbers and visitor counters.
DON’T promote your work or put a scintilla of pressure on yourself to shill your books.
DON’T feel like the focus has to be all about you.
DO pay attention to each reader that stops by—answer their comments, create a relationship.
DO have your book cover and title and appropriate links somewhere on your site or FB page, just as one additional aspect of who you are.
DO focus on and talk about things that move you, things that you care about and are passionately involved i
13 Comments on A Uniquely Introverted Approach?, last added: 4/7/2011
Thank you for this well-written post. It's very timely for this particular aspiring writer. I have just come out of my shell and started a blog--something I've told myself I was never going to do (since there are already a million and one writing blogs out there with personalities louder than mine). I like how you talk about having a quiet but strong presence. I am the kind of person who would rather sit with someone and make that connection than be surrounded with people and only flit through them. Social media can be intimidating for us introverts, but as you've noted we can make use of it to reach out to our audience.
One thing I've noticed as an introvert is that if you practice talking about your book to a friend/spouse (or even yourself, the ultmiate in introversion!) you'll start getting into the "I'm not making small talk, I'm talking about something I'm really passionate about," mode. When you're not confident, the extroversion needed for pitching is too much...being confident about it makes it more personable.
I love the idea of imagining you are talking to just one person at a time. I've tried to do that in one sense by creating 'secret pages' on my website. Whenever I engage directly with a reader, (either in e-mail or a signing) I pass along the codes to those pages. It makes me feel like I'm sharing a secret with a friend, a much more intimate experience.
I love the thought of turning the attitude away from "I'm just doing a poor job at being an extrovert" to "I'm doing a good job at being who I am." I didn't know whether I'd enjoy blogging, but it turns out I do, exactly because I'm sharing my thoughts about ideas that are meaningful to me and, I think, may be meaningful to others. Likewise I actually really enjoy speaking with groups of people when I know that those people are there precisely because they're interested in some of the same things that I care so much about. But I'm still haunted by one piece I just can't seem to figure out: without that extroverted get-out-and-chat-up-a-multitude, how does anybody ever find me or my blog or my books in the first place?
Such great points here! I put it together recently that my new "author" blog was stressing me out in a way my other one never has. I realized I was worrying about numbers and would anyone ever look at it? Gah! Would anyone ever comment?
I was writing to try to please ephemeral "other writers" and not writing what made me happy to write. Once I came to that realization the stress went away. I'm just gonna do my thing and stop trying to promote it. One link to FB, one to Twitter per post and NO messing with hashtags--so freeing! :D
As for FB and Twitter, I feel more comfortable at the latter. I don't feel guilty if I miss people's posts there, and I don't feel like such a wallflower when people don't respond to all of mine. Plus, I find it more intuitive.
Perceptions are funny things. We really *are* all different sorts of introverts. ;)
I love blogging for just the reasons you mentioned--I don't care if blogging is on the way in or on the way out or squarely in the middle. Blogging is like a writing exercise for me, and I have great commenters who stop by and add to the discussion.
I also find my online experience is enriched when I'm commenting on other people's blogs and Twitters. My advice to anyone starting out online would be: put 20% of your effort into your own site, and 80% leaving thoughtful comments on other people's sites. (YMMV, of course!) I'm still trying to find my own optimum balance, but I'm definitely trying to reach out more.
I love the initial question about how to avoid being an Extrovert Lite! And, of course, I enjoyed reading your thoughts in response, and everyone else's.
I've found Tweetdeck (a social media app) to really help me a lot when it comes to Facebook and Twitter. You can set it up to receive updates from both, and from multiple Twitter accounts, and you can comment to Facebook from there, too. For me, it feels a lot less overwhelming to just have one "window" open where I can glance at both Twitter and FB, as opposed to addressing each one separately. (Which I sometimes do, of course, when needed.)
But there are plenty of days when the thought of any kind of social media or going online makes me feel exhausted, and that helps me realize that breaks are important, too. :)
* Thanks so much for this encouraging post! Although I have a long, long way to go before actively marketing a book, your words put me at ease since I was worried about the time when I'd reach that point.
I've always been more at ease introducing people and hosting events. But, whenever it comes to putting myself in the spotlight by talking about my endeavors, I stumble.
Social media is sometimes overwhelming for me and, little by little, I'm trying to connect although I don't have much to offer yet. Your comment about building relationships struck a cord so, with that in mind, I can take baby steps in gaining more confidence.
You're so welcome, Cherie! And I'm glad the timing of the post reinforced the direction you're going in!
Jay said: "When you're not confident, the extroversion needed for pitching is too much...being confident about it makes it more personable." This is so, so true. Key, in fact.
Alina, that is such a great example of the exact same activity--but with different goals--can feel so radically different. Thank you for sharing that!
Great suggestion on the commenting/blogging ratio, Jen. Although hard to do sometimes. For me, and I suspect other introverts, it feels very brassy to comment on other people's blogs, even though I know they want me to. Like I told Anne, we will have to talk about that some more.
Liz, I love the idea of secret pages on your website. What a brilliant idea!
Anne wrote: I just can't seem to figure out: without that extroverted get-out-and-chat-up-a-multitude, how does anybody ever find me or my blog or my books in the first place?
You know, I think this might be the topic of a post or two on it's own, because you're right--I think it's one of the hardest elements to nail. Altho Jen Hubbard makes some excellent suggestions...
That's a great tip, Sarah! That having all the input coming from one channel makes it seem less overwhelming. I might have to try TweetDeck again and this time make sure I master it before giving up. (That seems to be a bit of a theme here today, doesn't it?)
Gerri, so glad the post helped put you at ease! That is one of our aims here, at SVP.
I agree with Tena- this blog is amazing. The posts I have read so far have been extremely intelligent and I learned a lot from them, as well as being encouraged from them. Thank you!!
STATUS: Supposed to snow tomorrow. I’ll make it in but I think it will be a lonely day for Chutney and I.
What’s playing on the XM or iPod right now? THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN by Clash
Throughout any given year, I probably give at least 10 talks or workshops at writer’s conferences or other organizations. Plus, with my background in corporate training, I have to say that my public speaking skills are exceptional. And I certainly don’t feel any anxiety or nervous anticipation before any given talk.
That is, until this Saturday. I was tapped to do a talk for area 4th and 5th graders at the CCIRA Authors Festival. (Side note: CCIRA stands for Colorado Counsel International Reading Association.) That morning, I found myself kind of nervous. What an interesting new sensation. After all, with adults, you can fudge a talk; with kids, no way. If you’re boring, they’ll let you know. I also had never given a talk to people this young.
Much to my relief, the talk went great (phew!). Here’s a pic of the 90+ elementary schoolers in attendance (with a sprinkling of adults).
I actually confided that I was nervous and told them I was counting on their questions to carry me through so please don’t let me down. And I have to say, I was blown away by them. They asked the best questions I think I’ve ever received at a talk.
Here’s a sampling of what was asked: 1) What happens if you can’t sell a book to a publisher? 2) How do you know if a writer’s idea is a good one? 3) If Hollywood has bought the film rights, does the author get a share in the profit? 4) Can you publish your book yourself or do you have to have a publisher? 5) How do you decide if the cover art is good? 6) Do publishers show animation for cover concepts? 7) What happens if more than one publisher wants the book?
There were more but this is what I can remember. I’d do a talk for that age group again in a heartbeat.
I love kid quesitons. It's easy to tell from the questions that they had a really good idea of what you do. The talk must have been great.
You're so right about not being able to fudge a talk. Kids know when you're faking it and they require enthusiasm and truth or they tune out. Well done. Glad it went well.
What a lovely story! Kids don't let their writers fake it either, they can smell an agenda at 500 paces! A colleague of mine (very successful PB writer) trialled a 'worthy message' PB on some kindie kids. At the end a little boy put up his hand and said, 'It was boring'. Author said, 'Oh. Which bit?' He said, 'All of it'. j ;)
I was in a fourth grade parent teacher conference and let slip that I had just finished writing a historical novel. My daughter's teacher then asked me to come to the class one day and talk about it, so I loaded up a cart with about 15 of my reference books, a half dozen books that had inspired me, and five or six binders with my story in various drafts. It made a pretty impressive pile and there were lots of great questions.
When the questions slowed down, one of the kids that had apparently seen a little cartoon I had drawn on my daughter's lunchbag one day asked me if I had illustrated my book. Then I had a bunch of questions about cartoon aliens, which just goes to show that fourth graders have an agenda even if their speaker doesn't.
Almost all of my presentations are for that age range, and I so agree with you about the questions, kids definitely ask some of the best ones. :)
Penny said, on 2/7/2011 8:44:00 PM
I would love to hear your answers to all those great questions! And to add one more of my own, that they should have asked: How does one become a literary agent?
Kids are good at getting to the heart of an issue. What terrific questions!
Anonymous said, on 2/8/2011 2:03:00 AM
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http://boycottamericanwomen.blogspot.com/
I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?
American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.
This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.
Ah children...they ask the best questions because they are blissfully unafraid of rejection! I'm going to take a page from that book, and apply it to every aspect of my writing career. ;)
How cool! I love that you talked to these kids. Who knows, maybe one of them will go on to be an author, all because of your speech? Everything about this makes me smile!
I understand! Children are often mysterious to me, and that's still true even though I have two of them.
I'm glad it went well, but here's another reason your effort was worthwhile. I don't remember a thing about most of the conferences I've been to in my adult life. But I remember plenty about the Young Authors workshops I attended in the early 1980s.
It's time to come clean. I suffer from Glossophobia. When I was a middle-schooler I was picked to give a speech on Arbor Day. The thought of having to get up in front of my sixth grade class gave me nightmares for days before the event. As the president of my high school marching band - I don't recall campaigning for that position - I had to get up in front of the entire school to give a speech after our football team won the championship. I almost threw up just before going to the podium.
I didn't know until I looked it up a few minutes ago that Glossophobia means the fear of public speaking. But that's what I have. From the sixth grade right up to the present. Which is why, with the upcoming release of my book "The Girl Who Became The Beatles", I am once again getting all Glossophobic, just like I did in the spring of 2009, when "Killer Pizza" - my first Feiwel and Friends book - was about to be unleashed on middle grade readers.
But here's the thing. This time, I'm ready. This time I'm going to employ the multiple-reader tactic, something I debuted during my book and school presentations for "Killer Pizza". Because of my Glossophobia (I'm going to see how many times I can get that word or some variation of it into this blog), I came up with an idea for my book presentations that I figured might help dilute at least some of the attention from being focused solely on me, the author. Hence, a dilution of my Glossophobic distress.
Here's the idea. I chose several passages from "Killer Pizza" and printed out four copies of each passage. "Sides", I called them. At my various "KP" presentations, when it was time for the book reading portion of the event, I asked for three volunteers to read the dialogue parts for Toby, Annabel and Strobe, the three main characters in "KP". I was the narrator and read all of the prose parts.
See how clever this was? Instead of all eyes zeroing in on just me (the main cause of Glossophobia, after all), they would be constantly moving back and forth between me and my three young-reader cohorts. The surprising thing about all this is that what had started out as a way to make myself feel less like a deer-in-the-headlights during my book readings actually became something that I looked forward to.
There was never a shortage of volunteers, which I was worried about. (File that under Atychiphobia). Every time I asked for help reading the book, the hands in the audience shot right up, like a quick-growth forest of waving arms. And what volunteers I got! The readings were always different, from one presentation to the next.
There was the time when the reading almost went overboard because my two guy volunteers kept laughing and goofing off. We listed dangerously from one side to the other during that reading, but thanks to my sturdy Annabel - serious, composed and focused - we managed to make it through the rough waters and completed every scene. Barely.
Then there was the reading when my three middle-graders acted their roles to perfection. When we came to the part in one scene where the characters collapse in exhaustion after vigorously running away from a monster bent on their destruction, my three readers spontaneously sat down, with no prompting whatsoever from me. These three were totally into it, and what a kick that was. To continue with the water metaphor, we really caught a wave with that reading. (A moment that was captured - above and below - by Mrs. Glesne, the teacher of the class that I invaded that day)
Finally, there was the library presentation when I couldn't get a girl to volunteer, so a boy took the part of Annabel. Oh no, I thought, how is this going
You may have just written the next greatest novel in the world, but if no one has ever heard about it, no one will ever read it.
It is a common misconception that once your book is written and published it’s all downhill from there. This is hardly ever true. In fact, for most writers, this is where the hardest work begins. You, as a writer, love to write, feel comfortable spending many hours alone behind your computer. But after completing that novel, it’s time to take a step away from your desk and show your smiling face to the public.
Book Signings
Book signings are a great way to get your name and your book out into the public. Unless you are already well-known and have customers and fans lining up to buy your book, it’s unlikely that a book signing will generate a lot of money. Money, however, is not the sole purpose of a book signing. Signings are a cheap and easy way to promote yourself and your book. They most often happen at bookstores, but could be hosted by many other venues.
If your books are appropriate for school age children, consider speaking in schools, running workshops for students, or just asking a school to host a book signing. This is another great way to promote yourself and your book. You can begin by volunteering to speak to students at your alma mater. If this visit is successful, your name will travel by word-of-mouth to other educators and school districts and you will soon have several visits under your belt.
Library visits, for schools or public libraries, are another useful option.
If your book is not appropriate for school-age children, you could contact your college or local colleges about setting up an event or book signing.
Community Forums
Other places to consider speaking are local community groups such as Rotary. Also consider audiences specific to your book. For example, did you write about book about giraffes? Perhaps you could speak or sign at a local zoo. Write a book about a boy who loves baseball? You could contact the president of your local little league association about hosting an event for the little leaguers.
Highlights Foundation hosts a workshop entitled Life in the Spotlight: Author Opportunities after Publication, which “introduces the participants to publicity techniques and the fine points needed to create fruitful relationships with the media, but it offers instruction, practice, and a real-life school experience for each enrollee in the development of public speaking and presentation skills.” Having extra guidance in a workshop like this one as well as the support of other published writers goes a long way.
You are a writer, you are creative. Put some of your creative energy into motion by setting up events to promote yourself and your book.
My church holds a women’s brunch or dinner every fall and spring. Word got out that I speak publicly, and an elder asked me if I’d be interested in delivering the keynote address.
Eek!
I speak publicly often–to kindergartners and middle schoolers. I have yet to speak to 200-or-so adults, which is what this brunch would total with the women, plus the men from the congregation who prepare and serve the meal. (The men always do a fabulous job of this, by the way, even dressing in tuxedos!)
Now I’m not saying I’d never speak to a large group of adults like this. To grow as a person, I need to take on new challenges. This really hit home about a year ago when I met with a childhood friend who had always been shy. She was now speaking publicly as part of her job. She told me she changed after a seminar instructor told her to write her accomplishments on a sheet of paper. Once she had done so, the instructor told her to draw a circle around her accomplishments. He said, “This is what you’ve accomplished doing what you’ve been doing. If you want to accomplish something outside this circle, you need to do something different.” She started speaking at company meetings and moved into management. Her story inspires me to step outside my circle of familiarity.
But I want to step, not leap.
I told the elder at my church that my books are geared toward children and most of the speaking I do presently is too. I know many writers who speak to large groups of adults, and I referred him to a couple of these friends. The church decided to go with my friend of many years, Debi Stack (http://www.maxedout.net/).
Problem solved.
For a few months. The elder recently asked me if I’d emcee the program since I know Debi so well.
Double eek. Emcees are usually funnier and livelier than the speakers. And Debi’s laugh-until-your-stomach-hurts funny.
I told him I’d be willing to introduce Debi, but I didn’t want to emcee the program.
I’m taking baby steps outside the circle.
It’ll be a while before I fill Ryan Seacrest’s shoes.
Our reader, Kimberly Lynn, sent us this very funny clip from a 1966 film called The Ghost and Mr. Chicken , starring the late actor, Don Knotts. God rest his howlingly funny soul. I remember watching this as a kid, and man, do I recall this scene. Talk about empathy pains! In this clip, his character Luther, is giving a speech at a community event. As I watched this cringing and laughing, I thought what a great coaching piece this could be for all of us. I was feeling his pain in particular, having just done a writing workshop two weekends ago where at last minute I was forced to change classrooms. I lost the ability to use the computer and projector. You mean, I'd have to just talk? Without my electronic props? Say it isn't so! Take a look at the clip, and then come on back--
There are so many things that go wrong here that contributed to his melt-down. Right out the gate, he has technical problems with a screeching microphone. His hands are shaking. His voice follows suit. He loses his notes. He has people sitting close and behind him on stage, which can be unsettling to our kind. A woman he has a big crush on is sitting in the audience. His opening joke goes over like a fart in church. And, he is getting heckled. What else? Well, his bowtie looks way too tight. That can't be good. Finally, he is giving what seems to be a brain-numbing speech at a festive outdoor event, when people are probably stuffed with hot dogs and pie. Anything I missed?
So, imagine that you have been given the opportunity to freeze frame this public speaking debacle, jump in and give poor old Luther some in vivo coaching. What would you say to him? How could you help him survive his public address?
Keeping with the ghost theme here, I've got a copy of the latest Newberry winner, Neil Gaiman's The Graveyard Book, to the person that comes up with some of the very best coaching tips for him.
I also want to point out that Robin has just posted the covers for three YA novels written by our accomplished readers in the sidebar on your right. This is part of our newish showcase of our tribe. Congrats to Tanita Davis, Cynthia Leitich Smith and Susan Schmid. May your books live long, and reach far and wide!
Best of luck to you and... peeps, help save Luther!
Mary Hershey
0 Comments on Public Speaking 101: A Case Study as of 1/1/1900
I was watching a Japanese animation film called My Neighbors the Yamadas, and the same thing happened to the father during a wedding. Each couple has to make a speech to wish the happy couple the best -- his wife accidentally handed him her grocery list instead of his notes. It was dreadful, but he improvised and talked about how horrible situations may come up in life -- and marriage -- but accepting that beforehand is the key. It was hilarious.
Unfortunately, I don't think there's anything I can say to help Luther. Except run when they ask you to give speeches.
Thank you for posting my book with such other celebrity authors! Whoo!
I saw Ghost And Mr. Chicken in theater as a kid and I was scared silly. I can still close my eyes and see the sheers stuck in the portrait. poor Luther.
Thank you for posting my cover! I love the art which is the work of British illustrator Steve Stone. Speaking of scary, Stone has done a lot of Steven King's paperback covers.
Hello! I just discovered your blog yesterday. I'm thrilled with what you're doing. The promotion aspect of potentially becoming published scares the crud out of me!
Now, as for Luther... gosh, poor guy. I know nervousness and fear has a tendency to layer. Once you feel your body starting to panic it just gets worse and worse because you're SO aware of it.
Some things you can do (other than practice!) are:
Be well prepared. Have a back-up plan. Practice beforehand with friends and/or family. Focus on relaxation /breathing techniques if you know you're going to be a mess. Oh, and, of course, don't lock your knees.
I applaud Luther for continuing despite the paper and the jokes and the shaky hands and voice. Good job, Luther!
If the advice is to be given *at the moment* and not for future events, I would just focus on the physiological: breathe deeply and slowly while smiling to show you know exactly what you're doing and that silence is part of your plan. When the heart rate calms down, then just say one thing that points attention elsewhere: "What a great town we have!" or "Isn't our band fabulous!" or "I love America!" and leave, waving cheerfully.
(I'm having to battle blogger to get this comment to post! Work, darnit!)
Poor Luther. That was painful to watch since I could see myself making a fool of myself in a similar way, though there are a few things I would do differently:
- As others said, practice, practice, practice. Know the words so that if you lose your place you don't stop cold, but if you do...
- Have fun with it. Luther tried, and it fell painfully flat. I saw author Sherrilyn Kenyon give a great speech at a writing conference last year, and most of her speech notes had been destroyed or splattered by a spilled drink on the plane ride to the conference. She stumbled over her words but was so sweet and honest about WHY, that everyone was laughing with her, not at her.
- Make your note cards sturdy! If you know you'll be speaking outside, use a spiral-bound index card booklet or notepad, or a fix larger papers to a binder or clipboard.
- Go up on stage when it's still empty. It will give you a feel for the arrangement and help you mentally prepare for the real thing.
- Suck on a cough drop or mint to help your voice. When I get anxious, I lose my voice. Most notably, this happened at my wedding and right before my agent pitch session at the aforementioned conference. A cough drop helped me have enough voice to survive.
- Dress appropriately, yet comfortably. Having a bow-tie cut off circulation isn't going to help. You need to dress right, but still be dignified. If a woman knows she needs to walk up stairs to a stage - but she's a klutz in heels - wear classy flats. If the strapless bra doesn't defy gravity the way it should, wear a different top or get a new bra. The last thing you need to be worrying about is flashing the crowd - you're supposed to imagine THEM naked, not the other way around (though that imagine-them-naked method never worked for me).
The Ghost and Mr. Chicken is still one of my favorite movies. I actually have a copy of it in my office.
HA! HA!
I especially love that particular scene, even though it is a little painful to watch. I’m not sure what advice I’d give Luther, other than you had better step off that stage and retrieve those blasted notes!
Also, it might be a good idea to have a second copy on hand—just in case.
And Mary, your situation renders me panic-stricken AND speechless!
Most people who give speeches for the first time think that if they know their stuff, it'll be fine. I certainly thought that! But really, what you need to do beyond that is NAIL your opening and closing. Your entrance, posture, greeting, ice breaker, and opening question to audience--just before you get to the meat of your speech, that is what determines people's energy and reception to you. Practice your opening and closing a LOT. Run it by a ton of people (if some of them don't like your ice breaker joke, have more than one back up hook: a story, a question, or a series of facts, or even engaging the audience by asking them to shake hands with each other or think back to a time when they felt ___). Know your opening cold, not just the words but the nonverbal patterns and the balancing act of connecting with your audience while you perform. Once you've got that audience connection, it's a natural confidence builder and you'll find it a lot easier to relax as you drill down.
I'm going to be a bit of a contrarian here, and say only memorize, really nail, etc., your opening if that makes you more comfortable. If, on the other hand, it pushes you back into yourself, so you're focused on reading your lines properly, instead of just talking to the audience, don't do it. I do much better if I don't know exactly what I'm going to say, if I don't script it too closely. I just jot down the points I want to make and go over those tirelessly -- how I present them is a thing of the moment.
The benefit for me in that is that the part of my mind that would be freaking out about the audience is busy planning how I'm going to make this point.
I think it might be really important to do everything you can to make yourself feel as secure as possible, whatever those things are. There is no absolute right or wrong, just what's right or wrong for the individual...
(In the interests of full disclosure, I'm just over the line into extraversion -- under stress I become more introverted, but under normal conditions, an extravert.)
Robin and I received this email from one of our readers, and wanted to get right on it! (Some details have been changed to honor the writer's privacy.)
Dear Shrinking Violets,
This past weekend, I attended an SCBWI Regional Conference. I was signed up for the Writers Intensive on the first day. Aah! Toward the end of the session, we divided into groups for critiques. I’ve never read my work in front of other people other than my husband. I actually did better than I thought I would, but I totally could not breathe. I thought I was going to hyperventilate. For real! And my picture book manuscript was only 430 words for crying out loud! I also noticed that one of our workshop leaders couldn’t breathe during her presentation as well – and she even mentioned this to the group. I have no idea how to deal with this unexpected situation. Any advice would be appreciated!
Thanks, Breathless
Dear Breathless,
We are so glad that you wrote, and I hope you know that Violets all over are feeling your pain! I am quite certain that we've all gone through this same experience at least once. It does feel just god-awful. That, and worse!
The mind- body connection is a mighty relationship that cannot be underestimated. As the saying goes, what goes in must come out. Your body was merely expressing the information and orders you had input. It performed beautifully! It doesn't ever-ever-ever operate randomly, even though it does feel that way at times.
And, we don't emote in a vacuum either. It all starts in that amazing space between your ears. While you may hardly have been aware, as you sat in the critique group waiting your turn, you started a running monologue. It might have sounded something like-- Oh, lord, it's almost my turn... what if they hate my work ... what if they don't get it... what if that really cool published writer over there thinks I'm pathetic ... what if . . . what if???
As fast as you input all that, your autonomic response system was gearing up for fight/flight or some kind of serious hoe-down. Your heart kicked up its busy production schedule, prepping you for whatever you needed. It pulled in the blood supply from your extremeties to ready you. But, Breathless, you didn't move! You just sat there-- gunning your motor, locked in Park.
So to answer your question, fixing this for future reference has to start early on. Before your monologue starts. You'll need to write a brand new one-- one that is way gentler than the one you were running. If you have a hard time with that, think about what the nicest person in the whole world would say if they were sitting next to you. As in, WWJBD? (What would Judy Blume do? Gawd, she's so nice!) Or your partner or BWBFF. They might say things like-- They're gonna love you-- this piece has got something-- you'll learn something here-- everyone is probably nervous too-- your hair looks fabulous, by the way. Get the idea?
That's my take on this, Breathless-- think prevention. But, if you get to the Point of (Nearly) No Return, and you need that pound of cure and you need it QUICK-- what then? I'm going to open the floor and pass the mike to our tribe of experts. Let's hear from those of you out there. Since we know this has happened to everyone, what has worked for you? Short of a little brown paper bag, what works?
Thanks, everyone!
Mary Hershey
0 Comments on Dear Shrinking Violets-- SOS! as of 1/1/1900
I've had this very experience--and it does get easier with practice! In the meantime, though, some friends and I take turns reading each others' manuscripts. That frees the writer to listen instead of trying to read and listen simultaneously. What if you don't know anyone else at the conference? Here's the trick: it's pretty easy to spot other writers in the crowd who are feeling a bit like you are (pick your adjective: new, overwhelmed, hyperventilatory....) Chances are, you can make a friend and ally even if you start the day solo. Kindred spirits tend to find each other at writers' conferences!
Practice is a great suggestion! Also, there is nothing to fear but fear itself! Seems strange, but it is true that anxiety is often made worse by our fear of anxiety. Struggling to breathe makes it harder to breathe. Slowing down and noticing your breath, focusing particularly on the exhale, can break the cycle. Remember it is normal to be nervous reading your work in front of a strange crowd. Let yourself feel it. Things that you embrace usually go away.
Anonymous said, on 1/27/2009 1:23:00 PM
I also suggest practice: can you find some venues for practice that have MUCH lower stakes and build from there?
Even if it is reading in front of friends, all practice helps.
I went from having all sorts of real physical problems like racing heart and breathing troubles to actually being really calm and relaxed [even with big audiences in high stakes situations], and it was just through building up via practice. For me I think it was visitng classrooms that got me comfortable, probably because kids are the type of audience that really don't let you focus on yourself and your own weird feelings so much!!
pdtoler said, on 1/27/2009 1:51:00 PM
This won't help in the "oh god! I'm going to be sick" terror of the moment. But once it's over, take the time to tell yourself that you did it and nothing awful happened. Not really awful. No one died, for instance, not even you. it makes it a little easier next time.
Wow! I've never gotten that bad, but every time I read or talk in front of a crowd, I feel as though I'm in a bit of an echo chamber? I know they're all out there, they're right in front of me, for pete's sake, and they must be making noises, but all I hear is my voice, and its not like its really coming from me. I've gotten to the point where I can kind of ride the adrenaline, rather than let it knock me for a loop, but it's still there, and it's a big rush to come down off later.
What I do is really try to imagine a persona for myself, what THEY will see and hear as I talk. It's not a complete fake, because I AM competent and intelligent, I CAN write decently, and I DO have something to share. And this is true of your reader (all your readers), too.
It's just that this isn't the person I live with on a daily basis, and I have to bring her to the fore. People talk about picturing the "others" in their underwear, but I find it much more helpful to picture MYSELF as a professional. I make sure that when I'm heading off to one of these places, I dress at least a notch up from my usual wardrobe, too. If I'm going to be at the conference as an attendee, I probably still wear jeans, but I pick something other than sneaks and I DO NOT wear a t-shirt. A nice, stylish blouse and shoes that fasten with soemthing other than laces or velcro. And when I present, I take it further, if at all possible--with a skirt or nice pants and an appropriate shirt.
It's not really about how they'll see me; it's about how I'll see myself. And it helps the breathing. I take a few minutes before I have to talk/read to bring that ME to the front of my mind and actually try and project it out into the room.
I just had this happen to me at a retreat last weekend! I couldn't believe it! I've read my work in front of 300 kids before, other writers, and editors. But as I sat in the circle (editor right next to me and I was the last writer to go), the pressure was building, as Mary described. By the time it was my turn, I could barely whisper my story. Thank goodness the editor was next to me so she could hear! Next time I'll try your method, Mary--and do some breathing while I wait for my own turn!
1. Breathe slowly, from deep down in your gut. It's amazing how much this can help reduce anxiety.
2. Remember that the room is full of writers who know what it's like to share their work, and what it's like to read aloud. Think of your audience as friendly and sympathetic.
Anonymous said, on 1/28/2009 1:32:00 PM
Thanks Robin & Mary for addressing my SOS. And another big thanks to all of you who offered suggestions. I think practice will probably help. Becky, your method is downright brilliant!
Anonymous, I don't know about brilliant--but it helped me go from being someone who dropped EVERY class in college that had an oral report to being able to go around and do workshops. I hope it helps--try and have fun with this, too! :)
Yes, sculpt is the correct answer! Unfortunately, Elizabeth L already answered it correctly in the Susan Wiggs Interview comment thread.
Maybe next time!
Anonymous said, on 2/1/2009 9:18:00 PM
This has definitely happened to me. No rhyme or reason. Sometimes I'm at ease speaking and other times I get full-blown panic attacks--complete with breathing problems. I find it's best for me to just be as pragmatic as possible and to acknowledge that the experience is going to be bad, but over shortly. And sometimes to simply tell people that you're having some difficulty and to bear with you. Practice does make public speaking much easier, but occasionally we just get smacked in the face with overwhelming emotions. Whatever you do, commit yourself to the moment and don't allow yourself to run away. And make sure you force yourself to give it another go in the future. It's too easy to get caught in a crippling cycle where you really have convinced yourself that public speaking is impossible for you.
I'm not entirely sure, but it seems to me I did worse when I was practicing up until the last minute or if I felt I didn't have firm grasp on my subject matter. I usually feel in control when I've relaxed before hand--and managed to distract myself.
And I completely agree with the idea of cultivating an 'extroverted persona' to deal with an audience.
STATUS: Back in the office after a wonderful RWA. A little sad though. Six terrific Rita nominations and one Golden Heart but alas, no wins on RITA night. Dems the Berries.
What’s playing on the iPod right now? GOT ME UNDER PRESSURE by ZZ Top
My author Ally Carter was out in San Fran for RWA (just for fun) and to do an event at Kepler’s Bookstore. While she was there, she told the real story behind how she ended up writing I’D TELL YOU I LOVE YOU BUT THEN I’D HAVE TO KILL YOU.
If you’ve ever been curious, here it is--straight from the author herself. Tomorrow I should have a post-RWA bonus entry for you.
13 Comments on Story Behind The Sale (A Blog Extra), last added: 8/7/2008
That was very interesting -- and I agree with Jude -- she is an adorable speaker who is so great at engaging her audience (me included).
I especially enjoyed hearing about the setbacks and problems. Not that I was glad she had them, it's just nice to be reminded that it's normal to struggle along.
LOL! She's got a great sense of humor! (I'm assuming you DIDN'T really tell her she could write teen novels because she was immature, but that line was worth watching the whole thing, even if it had been her only one-liner... which it wasn't.) I'm definitely going to have to check out her books now. (You did that on purpose, didn't you, Kristin?)
Her explanation of the difference between premise and plot is excellent, too! And it's encouraging, because I made the same mistake when I started writing.
It is kind-of funny how books start. Mine started with the simple thought of how intriguing it would be to have a 22-year-old man sharing responsibilities with his 47-year great-grandfather. Of course, that's only possible with a time-travel factor, which led me to all sorts of fun ideas.
She gave some really honest and insightful answers right off the top of her head! I loved the last bit about Macy because when I read the book, it really surprised me when Macy stuck around. I understand now that Ally Carter wasn't expecting her to stay either! I wonder if that means the most effective surprises in books are the ones that even the author doesn't anticipate? There might be a really great way to use that....
Its been a busy spring. As mentioned here, I've been doing a lot of public speaking, both to kids and adults. If I knew this would be part of my job 10 years ago when I got started I seriously wonder if I would have gone into publishing at all. I've always been fairly terrified of speaking in front of a group- when I had my first school visit I couldn't sleep for two days beforehand. Literally I laid in bed frozen in terror for two nights. Of course the visit went fine.
But strangely, as I've acclimated over the past several years to this part of the job (or rather learned to manage the anxiety), I start to find myself enjoying it. Saturday, for instance. I was one of the speakers at a half day conference put on by the Foundation for Children's Books, a really lovely organization here in Boston that puts on kids book events throughout the year.
When I first showed up for the event at the Athenaeum Library (a historic 200 year old independent library in downtown Boston), I was more than a little intimidated. This library is AMAZING.
This is the ornate entryway:
The floor to ceiling windows looked out on the cemetery where Mother Goose is buried:
And the screen on which I was to present towered over the room, which was quickly filling with librarians and teachers:
To make matters worse the first speaker of the day was Jack Gantos, a seasoned and famously charming speaker. He was one of those people who can just float from topic to topic, mixing broad insightful comments about the nature of art and literature and life with funny stories about Jenna Bush and kids with velcro sneakers. I sat in the audience in awe, that is when I wasn't mentally reviewing my talk and how I could make it pale less in comparison.
Then suddenly something occurred to me. It might seem kind of obvious, but I don't think I've really taken it to heart before. He was talking about his life. I was about to go up there and talk about my life. Our lives are vastly different, but that doesn't make his experiences better or worse than mine. They hired him to speak because of what he has to offer, and I have something different.
Suddenly that was a freeing thought. Because I don't really have a choice about it. I can't choose to be him or anyone else. All I really have to offer is who I am and what I know, no more no less. Suddenly I felt calm. When it was my turn I went up there and gave the talk I planned to give, relatively at ease and it was fun; the audience was great, stories came easily to mind and I felt like I gave an honest representation of me and my work. One of the attendees pulled me aside after and said it was "the best author/illustrator presentation she'd ever heard." I felt delighted, like an elephant might feel if it suddenly realized it could play the violin.
I can't remember a time when I've enjoyed public speaking more. I don't know if I'll always manage this state of mind when I have a job to do, but I pulled it off for one day at least, so I know that it is possible.
Well let a mother say, good for you, Anna. I hope that its a lesson that you can internalize for all your talks.
Daniel Mahoney said, on 4/15/2008 3:05:00 PM
I'm very surprised you would ever be terrified, Anna. When you spoke in Newburyport for the Robert Snow author event, I envied how relaxed and charming you were. I'm always terrified when it comes to speaking to adults, but with children I am thoroughly relaxed and really enjoy myself. I'm glad you did so well.
Anna Alter said, on 4/15/2008 3:15:00 PM
Hi Daniel-
Its funny, people are usually surprised when I tell them I have stage fright- really once I'm talking I'm totally fine, its just beforehand that I get a lot of anxiety. But it really is changing, which is encouraging.
Elaine mentioned you'll be speaking at the North Shore Council this fall- looking forward to it!
Daniel Mahoney said, on 4/15/2008 3:51:00 PM
I know what you mean about the anxiety beforehand. That's the worse part, becuase once I get talking I'm fine. I think once you do it enough you gain confidence and realize there's really nothing to worry about.
I'm really looking forward to it, too! I feel honored to be invited.
See you soon!
laurasalas said, on 4/17/2008 5:48:00 AM
Hooray! What a wonderful realization to come to. Good for you.
Anne Broyles said, on 4/17/2008 11:58:00 PM
Isn't it amazing how we learn new things about ourselves and our work in the telling out loud of our story and process? Anna, I'm so glad the FCB event went well. I enjoyed doing our two book launches together because I learned so much about your side of our creation of PRISCILLA AND THE HOLLYHOCKS. And at the Jamaiacaway Books event when with a new slick-paged book, I skipped the pages that made the whole story make sense, I looked to you and Yolanda. Had I gone crazy or had I missed a page? You two of course were the ones that knew the book as well as I did. So I had to admit my mistake and do some explaining. I learned several things from that mistake and the rest of my presentations have gone better because I had to improvise with the glitch.
At work today I was talking to a coworker. I had taught a workshop last Saturday and would be coming in late tomorrow because I was doing a school visit in the morning. My coworker looked at me, jaw agape, and said, “Oh my God, I could never do that. Never. I would be a nervous wreck for a full week before I even had to speak. And then I would just stutter with nerves.”
And as I listened to her, I realized she was describing me, four years ago.
Four years ago, the mere idea of speaking in front of more than two people who weren’t related filled me with dread. My palms grew all sweaty, my throat dry, and my voice got shaky with nerves. Sometimes, I even couldn’t breathe—literally—while attempting public speaking and had to come to a complete stop and gasp down some oxygen, because my lungs constricted.
But lately I’ve noticed something, and it really hit me over the head last Saturday. I was barely nervous at all anymore. In fact, I don’t even think what I was feeling could be called nerves, more like anticipation, looking forward to getting the workshop ball rolling, as it were.
Sure, I was wondering if I had too much material or not enough, or if I had enough copies of the handouts or had provided enough examples—but no, lung-clenching, throat constricting, oh-my-god-I-can’t-breathe case of nerves. The whole public speaking part of it wasn’t even an issue.
Somewhere along the way, I got used to the act of public speaking. And while there will always be some situations that are more comfortable than others, I now have some success to draw upon.
That's not to say I'll always be fine with every public speaking occasion in the future. Hardly. This was only a group of about thirty, and I was talking about writing, not me or being an author. Put me in front of a group of 200 adults? Yeah, I'll probably continue to be a little nervous. But now that I have proof that I can acclimate to these sorts of situations, it makes it just that much more worthwhile to push myself a little bit in that direction. Mary even has a name for these sorts of goals, push goals? Stretch goals? Can't remember...
Anyway, that’s what I’d like to share with any of you Violets with a similar dread of public speaking: you really and truly can become accustomed to it through practice. And this is coming from someone who swore they would never be able to. I never set out to get used to it, but I kept plugging away at a few speaking opportunities, letting my love of connecting with a room full of kids or sharing craft elements with fellow writers overcome my fear of speaking in front of groups. And Voila! It did in fact get easier…
Oh, I'm so glad you blogged about this! I wish I had a before and after video to show. Remember that promotion retreat we went to at the Mission a few years back? We each had to get up and do a 5-min promo for our book? I do remember thinking I might have to get the defibrillator out for you. ;-) You were NOT taking in any oxgyen at all.
Now you are so smooth, so at ease in your skin. Such a great lesson in the power of experience!
Mary
Carmel said, on 3/7/2008 9:37:00 AM
Thanks so much for the encouraging words. A friend in my writers group accuses me of holding back because I'm afraid of where publishing will lead me. And public speaking is that biggest fear. Right now I'm thinking, Okay, I could handle a group of kids, but the teacher has to leave the room. :o)
I was thrilled when I found your website. Are you familiar with the books of Elaine Aron? We're all HSPs in a pod, we are.
Sherry Rogers said, on 3/7/2008 3:02:00 PM
Thanks so much for sharing that! I seriously have a fear of public speaking. I love kids and social occasions. . .but shutter at the thought of public speaking.
liquidambar said, on 3/7/2008 5:12:00 PM
"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." ;-)
Alkelda the Gleeful said, on 3/7/2008 9:55:00 PM
I'm an introvert who does well with public speaking as long as I'm prepared (and I'm good at mentally composing what I'm going to say when it has to appear extemporaneous). I tell you this not to come across as smug, but because it's a relief to me when I hear other people confess to being terrified of public speaking. I have gone from being terrified of driving, to dreading driving and being nervous every time I have to drive to a new place. I've been hassled for my driving reluctance (i.e. "It's so easy, why are you sweating it?"), and have rejoined with, "I may not be confident in driving, but I'm confident in public speaking. Surveys show that a lot of people are more afraid of public speaking than they are of death."
So, to all of you reluctant public speakers out there, know this: chances are you're comfortable with driving or something else that makes me go knock-kneed. I tip my hat to you.
Kimberly Lynn said, on 3/10/2008 9:39:00 AM
Robin,
Funny!
And you’re right. I can’t believe that I’m actually considering joining Toastmasters. Back when I first started visiting Shrinking Violets there would have been no way. I can’t remember if it was you or Mary who said it, but when you concentrate on the craft of writing, the public speaking gets easier. I’ve held back on the Toastmasters thing for the moment because the particular group I want to join meets every Monday night. Don’t think I can put myself through the other six nights of anxiety leading up to it. My cute little picture books would turn into horror novels.
Don't hang on the oven door, as it is liable to fall open and hurt you badly.
(For the record: the oven was not turned on at the time of the incident which led to the above words of wisdom; and the only thing "badly" hurt was a certain toddler's dignity.)
Beanie: "Mommy, you know how they say a star is like a diamond in the sky? If you had a star, you could give it to a shop owner. It must be expensive to run a shop. Diamonds make you rich, so I think that would really help."
Overheard, Rose to Jane: "You know why I wouldn't want to be Supergirl? She can never get her ears pierced!"
(Later, they decided that exposure to Red Kryptonite, just long enough for a needle to pierce the earlobe, would solve the problem—in its presence, Supergirl loses her invulnerability. Such are the weighty topics we discuss over Sunday dinner.)
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I like how you compare some people’s use of facebook to the Jerry springer show, i think this is one reason I have taken to rarely going on Facebook and next to never writing a status as I prefer the atmosphere on wordpress.
I see what you mean about WordPress. There’s no drama here. All commentary.