BARBIE CELEBRATES HER 50TH BIRTHDAY:
BARBIE AND KEN VISIT THE PLASTIC SURGEON
BY ELEANOR TYLBOR
BARBIE AND KEN VISIT THE PLASTIC SURGEON
BY ELEANOR TYLBOR
SCENE: WAITING ROOM OF PLASTIC SURGEON'S OFFICE.
BARBIE, "THE" PLASTIC FASHIONISTA, THUMBS THROUGH THE PAGES OF ELLE MAGAZINE. SHE IS WEARING LARGE SUNGLASSES THAT COVER A LARGE PORTION OF HER FACE AND A LARGE HAT COVERS HER HEAD. SITTING NEXT TO HER IS KEN, HER ON-AGAIN, OFF-AGAIN BOYFRIEND, WHO IS DRESSED AS PER USUAL IN SURFING TRUNKS. A SURFBOARD LEANS AGAINST THE WALL BEHIND HIM.
DR. MAK. M.E. YOUNG'S NURSE
BARBIE
Like…don't you know who I am, nurse? I'm Barbie! I mean, I'm everywhere in better toy retail outlets – and of course Walmart. Everyone knows me! I don't need a last name!
DR. MAK. M.E. YOUNG'S NURSE
Everybody has a last name. You can't see the doctor until my file is complete
KEN
Tell her, Barbie! You're half a century old for crying out loud
BARBIE
Oh? Since when do you have an opinion, surfer boy? If I'm a half-century – so are you!
KEN
Am not!
BARBIE
Are too!
KEN
Fibber!
BARBIE
Surfer stupid-o!
DR. MAK. M.E. YOUNG'S NURSE
'Scuse me but I still don't have a last name. No last name- no see doctor
KEN
I've kept this secret because I love you, babe but I gotta tell someone. Her real name is Barbara Millicent Robert
BARBIE
(sobbing)
Ken – how could you?
KEN
There's nothing wrong with your name
BARBIE
It's so…plain and normal. I'm Barbie, fashionista! If the Bratz ever find out…
KEN
I hadda share… Wait a minute…I hear something… I smell water…
DR. MAK. M.E. YOUNG'S NURSE
Oh shoot! Don't tell me the toilet's running over again. I swear, plumbers these days…
KEN
(grabbing surf board and running out of waiting room)
Surf's up!
BARBIE
(composing herself)
…he promised he would keep our secret forever…
DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG'S NURSE
There…there…Ms Robert…
BARBIE
It's Barbie! Got that?
DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG'S NURSE
Whatever… Dr. Mak M.E. Young will see you now
(another patient walks in. Looks around the office and stares at Barbie)
PATIENT
Hey! Aren't you… You know… I forget her name…
BARBIE
Yes…go on… You see me everywhere…? I'm into high-fashion…?
PATIENT
Paris Hilton! Like...ohmygawd! I can't believe it's you!
(BARBIE jumps up and hops quickly on tip-toes into the doctor's office)
BARBIE
I need help!
DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG
So what can I do for you today…Miss Martin? Please sit down
BARBIE
Must I? I mean, I'd rather stand up
DR. MAK ME YOUNG
All my patients have to sit across from me because…because… Just because
BARBIE
Easier said than done… Wait a minute… Maybe if I just…
(BARBIE attempts to manoeuvre into a sitting position without success. She ends up laying on her back, across the chair)
BARBIE
I'm 50 years old, doctor! Half a century! My skin is saggy and soggy and I need to re-invent myself. Those Bratz girls are just too popular
DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG
You know the Bratz too? You should see what I did for them! They look gor-geous!
BARBIE
Whad'ya gonna do for me?
DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG
(examining her with a magnifying glass)
Well… too much sun-tanning…and too many late nights clubbing… It's wear-and-tear on your face, y'know! I keep telling you celebs to wear sun protection but do you listen?
BARBIE
I'm a fashionista… Like...I hav'ta do those things! Please! You have to help me! I mean, you are a plastic surgeon!
DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG
Let me consult with my golfing buddies… I mean, let me talk about your case with other plastic surgeons. Go home and I'll get back to you
BARBIE
Please doctor – I'm desperate. Don't wait too long
(BARBIE attempts to get up without success. Finally after several ties, she manages to get in a standing position)
I hate it when this happens… If you could just move my arms down… Now push me up on my bum…
(DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG helps her, then opens the door. He extends his hand to say goodbye)
BARBIE
Just lift my arm up a little… Remember – I'm desperate – and I pay cash!
(TO BE CONTINUED… Will BARBIE receive the plastic surgery she believes she needs? Will DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG get a hole in one? These questions will be answered in the next instalment of "BARBIE CELEBRATES HER 50TH BIRTHDAY: BARBIE AND KEN VISIT THE PLASTIC SURGEON")
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