BARBIE CELEBRATES HER 50TH BIRTHDAY:
BARBIE AND KEN VISIT THE PLASTIC SURGEON
BY ELEANOR TYLBOR
SCENE: WAITING ROOM OF PLASTIC SURGEON'S OFFICE.
BARBIE, "THE" PLASTIC FASHIONISTA, THUMBS THROUGH THE PAGES OF ELLE MAGAZINE. SHE IS WEARING LARGE SUNGLASSES THAT COVER A LARGE PORTION OF HER FACE AND A LARGE HAT COVERS HER HEAD. SITTING NEXT TO HER IS KEN, HER ON-AGAIN, OFF-AGAIN BOYFRIEND, WHO IS DRESSED AS PER USUAL IN SURFING TRUNKS. A SURFBOARD LEANS AGAINST THE WALL BEHIND HIM.
DR. MAK. M.E. YOUNG'S NURSE
Barbie and Ken. The doctor will see you now. By the way – um - Barbie, do you have a last name for my records?
BARBIE
Like…don't you know who I am, nurse? I'm Barbie! I mean, I'm everywhere in better toy retail outlets – and of course Walmart. Everyone knows me! I don't need a last name!
DR. MAK. M.E. YOUNG'S NURSE
Everybody has a last name. You can't see the doctor until my file is complete
KEN
Tell her, Barbie! You're half a century old for crying out loud
BARBIE
Oh? Since when do you have an opinion, surfer boy? If I'm a half-century – so are you!
KEN
Am not!
BARBIEAre too!
KENFibber!
BARBIE
Surfer stupid-o!
DR. MAK. M.E. YOUNG'S NURSE
'Scuse me but I still don't have a last name. No last name- no see doctor
KEN
I've kept this secret because I love you, babe but I gotta tell someone. Her real name is Barbara Millicent Robert
BARBIE
(sobbing)Ken – how could you?
KENThere's nothing wrong with your name
BARBIE
It's so…plain and normal. I'm Barbie, fashionista! If the Bratz ever find out…
KEN
I hadda share… Wait a minute…I hear something… I smell water…
DR. MAK. M.E. YOUNG'S NURSE
Oh shoot! Don't tell me the toilet's running over again. I swear, plumbers these days…
KEN
(grabbing surf board and running out of waiting room)
Surf's up!
BARBIE
(composing herself)
…he promised he would keep our secret forever…
DR.
MAK M.E. YOUNG'S NURSE
There…there…Ms Robert…
BARBIEIt's Barbie! Got that?
DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG'S NURSE
Whatever… Dr. Mak M.E. Young will see you now
(another patient walks in. Looks around the office and stares at Barbie)PATIENT
Hey! Aren't you… You know… I forget her name…
BARBIE
Yes…go on… You see me everywhere…? I'm into high-fashion…?
PATIENT
Paris Hilton! Like...ohmygawd! I can't believe it's you!
(BARBIE jumps up and hops quickly on tip-toes into the doctor's office)
BARBIE
I need help!
DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG
So what can I do for you today…Miss Martin? Please sit down
BARBIE
Must I? I mean, I'd rather stand up
DR. MAK ME YOUNG
All my patients have to sit across from me because…because… Just because
BARBIE
Easier said than done… Wait a minute… Maybe if I just…
(BARBIE attempts to manoeuvre into a sitting position without success. She ends up laying on her back, across the chair)
BARBIE
I'm 50 years old, doctor! Half a century! My skin is saggy and soggy and I need to re-invent myself. Those Bratz girls are just too popular
DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG
You know the Bratz too? You should see what I did for them! They look gor-geous!
BARBIE
Whad'ya gonna do for me?
DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG
(examining her with a magnifying glass)
Well… too much sun-tanning…and too many late nights clubbing… It's wear-and-tear on your face, y'know! I keep telling you celebs to wear sun protection but do you listen?
BARBIE
I'm a fashionista… Like...I hav'ta do those things! Please! You have to help me! I mean, you are a plastic surgeon!
DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG
Let me consult with my golfing buddies… I mean, let me talk about your case with other plastic surgeons. Go home and I'll get back to you
BARBIE
Please doctor – I'm desperate. Don't wait too long
(BARBIE attempts to get up without success. Finally after several ties, she manages to get in a standing position)
I hate it when this happens… If you could just move my arms down… Now push me up on my bum…
(DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG helps her, then opens the door. He extends his hand to say goodbye)
BARBIE
Just lift my arm up a little… Remember – I'm desperate – and I pay cash!
(TO BE CONTINUED… Will BARBIE receive the plastic surgery she believes she needs? Will DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG get a hole in one? These questions will be answered in the next instalment of "BARBIE CELEBRATES HER 50TH BIRTHDAY: BARBIE AND KEN VISIT THE PLASTIC SURGEON")
BARBIE, KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE
(the continuing saga of life among the plastic people)
by Eleanor Tylbor
When we last joined Barbie, Ken, GI Joe and their vinyl/plastic “sisters and brothers” they were spending Christmas stored away in cardboard boxes located somewhere on planet Earth. At the point they thought and maybe even hopefully assumed they were being rescued, the sound of heavy equipment indicated something to the contrary was about to occur. We join them now as panic begins to set in.
BARBIE
We're saved! But like…how can we attract their attention?
G.I. JOE
(attempting to reach the string to a hand grenade)
…just another inch…and…we’ll…be out’ta here… This should do...the trick...babe
BARBIE
Stop, GI Joe! Don’t pull that whatever you do! You’ll blow us all to bits! Oh gawd! Look at these clothes! Like...I can't be photographed looking like this
G.I. JOE
They’ll know we’re here, alright! Anyway, you look pretty good to me. A little dusty but then aren't we all?
BARBIE
But...someone like you doesn't understand that I, Barbie, fashionista, can't be seen as dusty. I have a reputation!
G.I. JOE
Don't worry, babe. Nobody believes all that gossip crap they write about you in the tabloids. Almost...got...it...
BARBIE
Stop! Like…isn’t it bad enough that you already blew your foot off trying to be helpful? You don't get it – there will be pieces of us...like everywhere!
G.I. JOE
Yeah but we'll be out'ta here! Lissen – as long as I still got one good foot and two arms… Mmmm...look what I have here. A good, old cigar…
(suddenly there is a loud boom accompanied by smoke)
G.I. JOE
…make that one foot, two arms and one hand
KEN
He’s nutso! Your boyfriend is certifiable!
G.I. JOE
Thank you, sissy-boy! Nice of you to say. Uh-oh…my bullets have melted
BARBIE
He is NOT my boyfriend and those bullets aren't real, Joe! They're plastic - just like us!
KEN
Does that mean…I’m still your number one surfer dude? Do you like me more than you like that Ass-tralian surfer-boy?
G.I. JOE
...I gotta find me some new a-mu-ni-tion! Hey surfer sissy-boy! Got any spare bullets on you?
KEN
You-you’ve seen the light, right Barbie-kins, and want me back! Right?
BARBIE
How many times have I told you not to call me Barbie-kins? My name is Barbie! B-E-R-B... B-A-R-B-I-E. Sometimes, Ken, you’re so…
BLAIN
…dense? Stupid? Empty-headed?
G.I. JOE
Think I got me some spares around somewhere here…somewhere… If only I could…check my pockets… Hey Aussie dude from Astro-Austreee-Australia – you got any extra grenades around?
BLAIN
Oh yeah. I always carry around spare grenade on my body. Cheez you are such an ignoramus
G.I. JOE
Thanks! I got it all up here (points to his head with his foot). Lissen…lend me a few and I’ll pay you back
KEN
Ssssssh! Is that the sound of waves? Surf’s up! And me without my surf board
BARBIE
They’re coming to save us. I just know it! ‘Hello out there! It’s us, the Barbies and Kens and Blaines and GI Joes… Help!’
VOICE
Okay… Move in the equipment… Yeah…we got orders to empty this here warehouse…
BARBIE
Ohmygawd! Like…they’re gonna clear us out!
KEN
Don’t we want that?
BARBIE
They don’t know we’re in here! We’ve got to find a way to let them know! There has to be a way
G.I. JOE
Leave it in my hands, babe… I mean, in my hand. By the time that I’ve finished, they’ll know alright! Your G.I. is the main man! I helped Rambo get the bad guys and…
BARBIE
Oh fer… Rambo is pretend, G.I.! He’s pretend!
BLAINE
Oh? And what are we?
BARBIE
The sound…it’s getting nearer! We’ve got to do something…fast!
(QUESTIONS DU JOUR: WILL SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING TO HALT THEIR IMMINENT DESTRUCTION? WILL G.I. JOE TAKE CHARGE AND BLOW THEM ALL TO BITS? TO BE CONTINUED…)
WRITERS & FRIENDS
BARBIE, KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE
(The continuing story about life among the plastic people)
BY ELEANOR TYLBOR
SCENE: A WAREHOUSE… SOMEWHERE. ROWS AND ROWS OF BOXES COVER THE FLOOR SPACE. HANGING LIGHT BULBS CAST SHADOWS ON THE WALLS. IT IS THE PLACE OF SOLITUDE AND EXILE FOR BARBIE, KEN, G.I. JOE AND OTHER DOLLS, WHO HAVE HAD TO ADJUST TO LIFE IN A CARDBOARD BOX
BARBIE
(muffled voice)
Hel-lo? Like…can anybody hear me?
G.I. JOE
Yeah – me babe! Your best buddy and boyfriend and love of your life, G.I. Joe, here to save and serve you! Is the enemy near? I can smell the bad guys!
BARBIE
First of all I’m not your girlfriend…why am I bothering when we’ve gone through this a zillion times, already. Like…we are friends. Just friends. Got that? Gee whiz I hate this place!
G.I. JOE
(laughing)
…just friends. Sure babe. I get it! You don’t wanna tell that douche bag, Ken, we’re shacked up. Right?
BARBIE
Say what? How can we be shacked up when we’re living in boxes?
G.I. JOE
Well…see… Uh-oh…I hear something!
BARBIE
(sighing)
You’re always hearing something…
KEN
(sobbing)
Is…that…you…Barbie? I-I’m so scared!
G.I. JOE
Ten-shun! Get a grip, sissy boy! You’re a marine!
BARBIE
Like…G.I. – it’s Ken! Think back! Ken? Surfer dude? The summer house?
G.I. JOE
Ken…Ken… I knew a Ken. Always walked around wearing underwear. A filthy pervert
BARBIE
That’s him. I mean – he’s not a pervert! He’s always prepared for the next big wave
KEN
When are they coming to get us? I’m sure surf’s up!
BARBIE
There are more important things in life than surfing, Ken!
KEN
Oh? Like what?
BARBIE
Well… like getting out of here. I’m so sick of living in a box. Like…my outfit is soooo passé and those Bratz have probably taken my place opening night clubs and everything. Ohhhhhh I’m so depressed!
G.I. JOE
Hey! I can do something ‘bout that with this here hand grenade I just happen to have on me. If I can just…get…at…it… I’ll just pull the string and blow our lids off
BARBIE
Oh fer… You do realize you’ll blow us up, too
G.I. JOE
…if I can just move my arm across here and…almost there…
(lights suddenly go on. There is the muffled sound of voices getting closer)
BARBIE
They’ve come to get us! I knew they’d find us sooner or later! Better fix myself up for the press… Hello? It’s us! Thank goodness you’re here!
VOICE
…yeah. These are them. Been here for a while now… We need the space so we better bring in the big shovels.
BARBIE
What do you mean, ‘big shovels’? You-you can’t do that…
G.I. JOE
…just a little more…I can feel the side of the grenade…the string is right on top…
(WILL THE GANG BE RESCUED FROM THE WAREHOUSE OR WILL THEY FACE A FATAL FATE?)
TO BE CONTINUED…
Writers & Friends
www.jrslater.com/forum
BARBIE, KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE
BY ELEANOR TYLBOR
The continuing and sometimes funny, sad but always interesting story about life and love among the plastic people)
The story so far: Barbie, famous fashionista and media doll celebrity and cyber star of the continuing cyber soap opera, BARBIE KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE, has now been relegated to a warehouse, somewhere, along with her friends, KEN, G.I. JOE, BLAIN, the BRATZ, due to a product recall. In stark contrast to their former lives of wearing expensive high end clothes and doing the club scene, they are now in the dark in the true sense of the word, stashed away in boxes.
As we pick up the story, they are in the midst of planning a rebellion to draw attention to their plight and get free in time for the Christmas rush.
BARBIE
Okay. Can we get started? Is everyone here?
G.I. JOE
Oh I’m here babe! Big time! All I gotta do is flip the trigger on this here weapon of mass destruction and then… Boom! We’re outta here big time!
BARBIE
Joe, Joe, Joe… Get this through that thick plastic blob sitting between your shoulders…
G.I. JOE
…I love when you talk dirty like that babe…
BARBIE…whatever. Like...has it hit you yet you are lying down flat on your back in a cardboard box, unable to move?
G.I. JOE
Has what hit me? Nothing hit me! At least I didn’t feel nothing… Uh-oh - it's the enemy planning to strike and I gotta act like…fast and protect youze all! All I hav'ta do is pick up my weapon here... Arm - move! It's gonna move now... I...think...I...feel...something cold...in...my...hand...
BARBIE
(sighing)
Like...just forget about your weapon. 'Kay? Focus Joe - focus!
G.I. JOE
I'm...not sure of...what...this is... I don't remember...them...making weapons with long tails. Then again...a soldier has'ta be prepared for everything and I'm the best, y'know
BARBIE
You’re a legend in your own mind. Ken? Are you around, here, somewhere?
KEN
I-I’m scared, Barbie! It’s so…dark here. And...and I'm soooo cold... Why am I so cold, Barbie?
BARBIE
'Cause it's winter and you're wearing your surfing outfit! You don't have to be scared. I'll protect you
G.I. JOE
Hey! That’s a soldier’s job!
BARBIE
Listen G.I. – like…let me lay it on you the way things are. You are stuck in a cardboard box along with the rest of us
G.I. JOE
Hey! A soldier is never stuck! A soldier always has options!
KEN
(sobbing)
Mommy! I want my mommy!
G.I. JOE
Oh shut your trap, sissy boy! Act like a man and not a cry-baby for pete's sake! ‘I-want-my-mommy…’ This man’s army would make a man out’ta you. Ten-shun!
BARBIE
Like…how did this happen? Me, a former fashionista whose biggest problem was what outfit to wear and which club opening to be at? Look at what I’m reduced to? Can we get on with this meeting? Blain? Are you around somewhere?
BLAIN
Here! Trying…to…lift…this…top… Forgetaboutit. When I was in Australia…
G.I. JOE
There he goes again, talkin’ about that there strange soundin’ place ‘Stra-li-a! ‘Stralia this and Stralia that.’ We don’t care about your weird sounding place with a foreign name! Got that? Or maybe you need a little convincin’ with some lead…
BARBIE
Don’t listen to him, Blain. Like…his elevator don’t go to the top floor if you get my drift. Can we start now? Like…Christmas is almost here and like…we gotta be on the shelves in toy stores or we’ll never be here…forever! We hav'ta make our move, now
(sound of sobbing coming from KEN’s box)
G.I. JOE
There he goes again. ‘Wa-wa-wa!’ Be a real doll for once in your life, soldier! Ten-shun!
BARBIE
Know what’s really sad?
G.I. JOE
I’ll tell you what’s sad, babe! I could run out’ta bullets!
BARBIE
Like…I’ve been wearing the same outfit for like…months! I mean, a fashionista like me deserves better! And…and…nobody will wanna buy me because my beautiful blond hair will be flat and…and…
BLAIN
It’s okay. In my eyes, Barbie – you’ll always be the most beautiful sheila around
G.I. JOE
What’s that? Who’s Sheila? Did he make a pass at you, babe? ‘Cause if he did…
BARBIE
Oh Blain! If only…if only…we weren’t stored away in boxes and…and…we could like…reach out and touch each other…
BLAIN
We have to make a big push to get out. What if your friend, Joe, there, could shoot himself out of his box and then he could do the same for us…
BARBIE
Like…I dunno. The last time he fired his weapon, he shot his right foot off
G.I. JOE
Hey! You promised that would be our secret. Did I cry, huh? Did I? No I didn’t because I’m a real soldier! Not like sissy-boy over there… Anyway, I still got one good foot
BLAIN
Listen – we don’t have much choice, here. Um…G.I. – we need your services as a soldier!
BARBIE
Like…I dunno. I’m getting a bad feeling about this
QUESTION DU JOUR: WILL G.I. JOE BE ABLE TO FREE THEM FROM THEIR CARDBOARD PRISONS? MORE TO THE POINT, WILL THEY SURVIVE? STATE TUNED FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF “BARBIE, KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE”
Fugle Flicks....gotta watch them. These are art related videos made my kids. I've only watched one so far, but it was fantastic, fun and hilarious. Make sure to watch Young Sloppy Brush. Check out the Fugle Blog too.
Gostei muito desse post e seu blog é muito interessante, vou passar por aqui sempre =) Depois dá uma passada lá no meu site, que é sobre o CresceNet, espero que goste. O endereço dele é http://www.provedorcrescenet.com . Um abraço.