Words have meaning. We use them to communicate to one another, and what we communicate depends, in part, on which words we use. What words mean varies from language to language. In many cases, we can communicate the same thing in different languages, but require different words to do so. And conversely, sometimes the very same words communicate different things in different languages.
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The practice of identifying liars has become an art as well as a science. There are multitudes of books, reams of research, and several television shows based on it. Dr. Paul Eckman's work is well worth reading. The show Lie to Me is well worth watching to learn more.
Whether someone is lying or honest is broadly characterized by how expansive or contractive his body language is. There may be master criminals, soulless sociopaths, trained spies, or sage sleuths who can outsmart everyone. For the rest, the normal rules governing behavior apply.
Someone who is telling the truth goes on the offensive. He is forward moving, expansive, broad gesturing, and offers distinct answers with I and me. He meets your gaze full on. His body gravitates toward yours in an attempt to be seen and understood and to connect. He gives the right amount of detail. He discusses the situation until you believe him. His story is explicit and consistent.
He may be angry at being falsely accused, or having his honor questioned, but he does not feel guilty. He mirrors your posture. He talks expansively with his hands, starting the gesture before the words. He is relaxed and his smile engages other facial muscles. He points to himself and places his open hand on his chest. He is not afraid of close scrutiny.
The exception is when an honest person grows anxious when he isn’t believed, especially in a situation where he feels unsafe. The situation may trigger anxiety responses just as in someone who isn't honest. He may flush with fury. A character that has an itch somewhere it's inappropriate to scratch isn't necessarily being deceptive. His underwear may not be where it belongs, or he may have a health problem that makes him itch everywhere. There are illnesses that trigger lip biting. Those gestures alone are not proof that someone is lying.
Someone who is lying goes on the defensive. He retracts and caves inward. He forces the gesture after the words. He rambles and mumbles and doesn't give direct answers. His smile never reaches his eyes. He gives shorter answers and changes the topic. He rarely uses I and me. His information is inconsistent. He averts his gaze. He may withhold details or gush with too much detail. It's more in the quality of what he says and what he didn’t say. He answers a question with a question. He wants to escape the interrogation as soon as possible. His voice pitch rises because he is anxious. He blinks, licks his lips, and maintains poor eye contact. He gestures with palms up in a plea.
He may rub or scratch his nose, neck, or jaw. The stress makes him itch, sweat, and flush. He may stammer and mess up his words. He may hold his head still. His limbs feel wooden. He may lean forward, resting his elbows on a table or his knees, anything to make his body smaller. He places a barrier between you. He may slide an object between you or step behind a chair.
Liars often say honestly, believe me, or I'm telling the truth. He may be smiling, but inside he is sweating. His brain races to come up with the details it lacks in answer to your questions. It is said that a liar doesn't memorize the story backwards, so asking him to repeat the information regressively trips him up.
For example, Dick asks Jane where she has been all day. She replies that she went to the hairdressers, the department store, Starbucks for a coffee, to the mall, and finally the grocery store. This answer displays the too much information rule. Most women would say, "I had my hair done and went shopping."
If Dick asks questions like, “So, when did you go to Starbucks?" Jane has to think hard about what she just made up. Did she say she stopped at Starbucks before or after department store? If your teen gives you a list, ask him to repeat it backwards. I bet he can't.
Quotes…They’re everywhere! You see them in magazines, art, motivational posters, greeting cards, knick knacks, movies, clothing… and anywhere else words can be stamped. Quotes have become trendy accessories for our social media personas and maybe even our identities. So what is it about these little nuggets of wisdom (or not) that are so intriguing?
These tiny little micro blurbs pack a big punch! They resonate with something inside of us that we can’t quite find the words for ourselves or have forgotten about.
Quotes give us a voice to express our true essence.Most of the time we like to borrow quotes from other people, but I wonder…have you ever quoted yourself?
You don’t have to be a movie star or historical figure to have a quote… just be YOU! Most quotes come from beliefs, insights and experiences. What are you passionate about? What do you strongly believe in? What message do you want to share with the world? Or with your peers?
Your quote is about you. It doesn’t have to be motivational or all knowing – it just has to come from your authentic self. Turn your interests into words or stand up for something you believe in. Your quote can be simple, complex, funny, interesting, quirky or maybe it won’t make much sense at all. Get creative and have fun. That’s what it’s all about!
Is there a quote brewing inside of you? It may take a while for the right words to reveal themselves, but once you have that perfect combination – one that expresses your uber-awesome-self – be proud of it!
Share your masterpiece with friends. Stick in on Facebook under “favorite quotes” and encourage others to create their own quotes, too. There’s something really neat (and inspiring) about seeing your words between quotation marks and a “~” before your name. Embrace your awesomeness! You never know who you might inspire with your words.
Happy “Quoting”!
Gotta love it when people find their place in the world. This guy is obviously doing what he should with…
A week or so ago I started a little doodle that didn't go anywhere...or so I thought. It was small and was something like a caterpillar if you look at it one way...or was it bunnies in capes (You decide). I was leaning toward the bunnies, but I had no interest (or time) to take it any further.
The other night, I found some time when all the kids were in bed and I still had a little energy to draw. I thought I'd elaborate on the caped bunny, and I was actually quite happy with the character that came out. So, what would a RABBIT pull out of a hat? A magician?
One illustration exercise I'd read about was taking one character and exploring different expressions, scenarios, etc. I haven't really done a lot of that, so I thought I'd do another bunny.
I don't know what it is about this character, but I really like it! There's something a little extra human about it. I really like the facial expression - believable (would any parent say "no" to this face?). I guess it's not exactly the same character as the one in the cape - they seem different in age - perhaps father and son.
While I worked, I also thought about how I really like my 4B pencil (used on the jammies). I don't know why - I just like the the value, and the lead just seems to "flow" smoothly. Maybe it's just this brand of pencil (Staedtler Mars Lumograph - my faves since college).
Anyway, I think I'll work on some more bunnies when I have the chance - a nice change from birds. I started a bunny today at Lake Cachuma while my older girls were on a bird-watching cruise. My son stayed with me on-shore since I had to stay with the baby. I didn't get much drawing done, but we had our own bird encounter. Some Scrub Jays came to visit us, coming VERY close (and they weren't scared off when I moved to get my camera). They're a beautiful blue and they're all over the place around these parts.
Evolution, Me & Other Freaks of Nature by Robin Brande. ARC from a friend. Publication date August 2007.
The Plot:
Mena is starting high school; unfortunately, she had a falling out with her friends and is now a social outcast.
The Good:
Once more, I have the difficult task of saying "this book is the best ever" while not being able to give away too much, because I don't want to be all spoilery about a book that is not out yet. I will say that because of the sensitive way Brande balances a coming of age story with topical issues of religion and science, it's on my best books list for 2007. In someone else's hands, this could have been a "message book", where the message overwhelms the character and extinguishes the plot.
So, here goes.
This is NOT a Speak clone; the reason for Mena not being friends with her old group is both because of something Mena did -- something positive -- and also because that group? Not the nicest people in the world to begin with.
Another good? Because that group had been Mena's friends for so long, she saw them as being the only kids in school. It's good that she's shaken up, and forced to start looking beyond the familiar faces from school, home, and church group.
See, Mena's friends are from her church. What kind of church, you may ask? The kind where you cannot read Harry Potter or watch Lord of the Rings. The kind where, when the biology teacher says "Evolution", all her old friends turn their seats -- literally, turn their seats around -- and sit with their backs towards the teacher.
And what Mena did has put her at outs with her church; a church her parents still attend. And let me share one of the best things about this book -- yes, some of the people in the church are hypocrites. But that does not destroy Mena's faith. Between the evolution and the exclusion, this could easily have been a "and then a teen discovers its best to have no faith, no religion, no god" type of books. Instead, Mena does not allow these individuals to shake her own faith, and her belief in and need for religion. What is even better about this book is that it is not evangelical; it's about Mena's journey, about her own coming of age, and there are no "are you saved" moments directed towards anyone, including Mena, other characters, or the reader.
When Mena's friends start the evolution protest, she has to think for the first time about the choices in her life. If "the break" hadn't happened, would she be turning her chair? And now that she isn't in that group, and she listens to her teacher and students, what does she learn? Is evolution really anti-religion? Can a person believe in religion and also love science?
Other things I like: Mena putting her life together. Her cute lab partner, Casey, a guy -- who introduces her to the joy of The Lord of the Rings. And is also a love interest. And despite everything -- Mena is at heart a good kid. She loves her parents. She's torn up that she's hurt them by the thing that happened over the summer. But she wants to make the right choices; and she's learning that doing the easy thing and doing the right thing are very different. Which means she has to learn how to be strong.
Another interesting plot involves the Internet. No, not just a kid who texts and blogs; rather, this looks at the online community and how being involved in that virtual world can give quiet people a voice, connect individuals to those outside their small town, and be a positive experience.
In the way that it sometimes works with books, shortly after finishing this I read Saxons, Vikings And Celts: The Genetic Roots of Britain and Ireland by Bryan Sykes. And while I skimmed a lot of the science part, the evolution of DNA was extremely interesting, and timely; since part of the school protest in the book is based on the argument that "evolution is just a theory so shouldn't be taught".
Links:
BibleGrrrl, a website tie-in for the book. Includes links to the first chapters of the book.
The Reading Rants review
7 Impossible Things Before Breakfast author interview
Not Your Mother's Bookclub review
living read girl review
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My personal all-time favorite quote is "Time always tells the truth."
Hugs and chocolate,
Shelly
http://secondhandshoesnovel.blogspot.com/
While this at first sound rather rude, a popular quote of mine is:
"one up the bum, no 'arm done!"
I'm actually referring to suppositories, those little fever reducing torpedos we push up the anal passage. They do a great job!