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By: Nicola,
on 12/31/2012
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By Adam Ockelford
I spend around 12 hours a week – every week – sharing thoughts, feelings, new ideas, reminiscences and even jokes with some very special children who have extraordinary musical talents, and many of whom are severely autistic. I’m Professor of Music at the University of Roehampton, and the children come to see me in a large practice room in Southlands College where there are two pianos, so we don’t have to scrap over personal space. My pupils usually indicate what piece they would like us to play together, and they tell me when they’ve had enough. Sometimes, they tease me by seeming to suggest one thing when they mean another. We share many jokes and the occasional sad moment too.
But the children rarely say a word. They communicate everything through their playing. For them, music is a proxy language.
On Sunday mornings, at 10.00 a.m., I steel myself for Romy’s arrival. I know that the next two hours will be an exacting test of my musical mettle. Yet Romy, aged 11, has severe learning difficulties, and she doesn’t speak at all. She is musical to the core, though: she lives and breathes music – it is the very essence of her being. With her passion comes a high degree of particularity: Romy knows precisely which piece she wants me to play, at what tempo and in which key. And woe betide me if I get it wrong.
When we started working together, four years ago, mistakes and misunderstandings occurred all too frequently, since (as it turned out), there were very few pieces that Romy would tolerate: the theme from Für Elise (never the middle section), for example, the Habanera from Carmen, and some snippets from ‘Buckaroo Holiday’ (the first movement of Aaron Copland’s Rodeo). Romy’s acute neophobia meant that even one note of a different piece would evoke shrieks of fear-cum-anger, and the session could easily grow into an emotional conflagration.
So gradually, gradually, over weeks, then months, and then years, I introduced new pieces – sometimes, quite literally, at the rate of one note per session. On occasion, if things were difficult, I would even take a step back before trying to move on again the next time. And, imperceptibly at first, Romy’s fears started to melt away. The theme from Brahms’s Haydn Variations became something of an obsession, followed by the slow movement of Beethoven’s Pathetique sonata. Then it was Joplin’s The Entertainer, and Rocking All Over the World by Status Quo.
Over the four years, Romy’s jigsaw box of musical pieces – fragments ranging from just a few seconds to a minute or so in length – has filled up at an ever-increasing rate. Now it’s overflowing, and it’s difficult to keep up with Romy’s mercurial musical mind: mixing and matching ideas in our improvised sessions, and even changing melodies and harmonies so they mesh together, or to ensure that my contributions don’t!
As we play, new pictures in sound emerge and then retreat as a kaleidoscope of ideas whirls between us. Sometimes a single melody persists for 15 minutes, even half an hour. For Romy, no matter how often it is repeated, a fragment of music seems to stay fresh and vibrant. At other times, it sounds as though she is trying to play several pieces at the same time – she just can’t get them out quickly enough, and a veritable nest of earworms wriggle their way onto the piano keyboard. Vainly I attempt to herd them into a common direction of musical travel.
So here I am, sitting at the piano in Roehampton, on a Sunday morning in mid-November, waiting for Romy to join me (not to be there when she arrives is asking for trouble). I’m limbering up with a rather sedate rendition of the opening of Chopin’s Etude in C major, Op. 10, No. 1, when I hear her coming down the corridor, vocalising with increasing fervour. I feel the tension rising, and as her father pushes open the door, she breaks away from him, rushes over to the piano and, with a shriek and an extraordinarily agile sweep of her arm, elbows my right hand out of the way at the precise moment that I was going to hit the D an octave above middle C. She usurps this note to her own ends, ushering in her favourite Brahms-Haydn theme. Instantly, Romy smiles, relaxes and gives me the choice of moving out of the way or having my lap appropriated as an unwilling cushion on the piano stool. I choose the former, sliding to my left onto a chair that I’d placed earlier in readiness for the move that I knew I would have to make.
I join in the Brahms, and encourage her to use her left hand to add a bass line. She tolerates this up to the end of the first section of the theme, but in her mind she’s already moved on, and without a break in the sound, Romy steps onto the set of A Little Night Music, gently noodling around the introduction to Send in the Clowns. But it’s in the wrong key – G instead of E flat – which I know from experience means that she doesn’t really want us to go into the Sondheim classic, but instead wants me to play the first four bars (and only the first four bars) of Schumann’s Kleine Studie Op. 68, No. 14. Trying to perform the fifth bar would in any case be futile since Romy’s already started to play … now, is it I am Sailing or O Freedom. The opening ascent from D through E to G could signal either of those possibilities. Almost tentatively, Romy presses those three notes down and then looks at me and smiles, waiting, and knowing that whichever option I choose will be the wrong one. I just shake my head at her and plump for O Freedom, but sure enough Rod Stewart shoves the Spiritual out of the way before it has time to draw a second breath.
From there, Romy shifts up a gear to the Canon in D – or is it really Pachelbel’s masterpiece? With a deft flick of her little finger up to a high A, she seems to suggest that she wants Streets of London instead (which uses the same harmonies). I opt for Ralph McTell, but another flick, this time aimed partly at me as well as the keys, shows that Romy actually wants Beethoven’s Pathetique theme – but again, in the wrong key (D). Obediently I start to play, but Romy takes us almost immediately to A flat (the tonality that Beethoven originally intended). As soon as I’m there, though, Romy races back up the keyboard again, returning to Pachelbel’s domain. Before I’ve had time to catch up, though, she’s transformed the music once more; now we’re hearing the famous theme from Dvorak’s New World Symphony.
I pause to recover my thoughts, but Romy is impatiently waiting for me to begin the accompaniment. Two or three minutes into the session, and we’ve already touched on 12 pieces spanning 300 years of Western music and an emotional range to match.
Yet here is a girl who in everyday life is supposed to have no ‘theory of mind’ – the capacity to put yourself in other people’s shoes and think what they are thinking. Here is someone who is supposed to lack the ability to communicate. Here is someone who functions, apparently, at an 18-month level.
But I say here is a joyous musician who amazes all who hear her. Here is a girl in whom extreme ability and disability coexist in the most extraordinary way. Here is someone who can reach out through music and touch one’s emotions in a profound way.
Click here to view the embedded video.
Romy playing piano with musical savant Derek Paravicini and Adam Ockelford
I explore the science of how Romy and her peers are able to do what they do in my new book Applied Musicology, which uses a theory of how music makes sense to all of us to explore intentionality and influence in children who use little or no language. If music is important to us all, it is truly the lifeblood of many children with autism. Essential brain food.
Adam Ockelford is Professor of Music and Director of the Applied Music Research Centre at the University of Roehampton in London. He is the author of Applied Musicology: Using Zygonic Theory to Inform Music Education, Therapy, and Psychology Research (OUP, 2012).
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I was happy to see this post from my colleague Leah Langby over at
Keeping Up with Kids. She discusses a number of good reasons to create breaks in storytime sessions. Her list is clear, encouraging and concise.
I am a big advocate of this concept and have
blogged about it before. Some people pile too much on their plates and keep jamming more on to serve all the needs - no breaks and just keep doing more. Some people are happily comfortable with routine and love storytime so much they just can't give it up - and are fearful of trying something new. No breaks for this person means things can stay at status quo. Some people are so fearful of people leaving and not coming back that they just keep grinding out sessions.
It's ok to recharge and re-group. It's ok to take time for other tasks on the job - from collection development to developing partnerships to outreach. It's ok to give yourself the space and time to evaluate, re-work, blue sky and improve the content of not just your storytimes but all your programs.
Talk to your families and let them know that what you are doing in storytime is giving them the tools to enhance literacy with their children. Talk to your families and let them know you serve many ages of children and you balance the many needs. Talk to your families and ask them what other types of do-it-yourself spaces and stealth programs you might develop to engage them while they are at the library. Talk to your families and let them know you are also there to help them to connect with great books, media and digital content. Letting them know the reasons behind changes helps them navigate that break.
Not only will they get zen, but so will you!
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4 Stars My "What if?" Book Tonya and Chad Walker Troy Palmer-Hughes CreateSpace No. Pages: 32 Ages: 4+ ......................... .......................... From the Forward: Child safety experts and non-profit groups dedicated to the prevention of child abduction encourage parents to take a proactive approach in protecting their children against the threat of abduction. One of the [...]
Communication is hard. It's the most difficult activity in which we humans engage. And while other animals "communicate," humans are the only creatures on the planet to use language. Feel free to use your uniquely human ability to use language and argue that one in the comments below.
When I started teaching, one of the courses on my load was titled "Applied Communications." It was nothing but a "dumbed-down" speech class built around modules published in the late 1980s. I first taught the class in 1999-2000. So much had changed in just over a decade... The modules were oh-so out-of-date.
But this hadn't changed: communication is hard.
I can send what I feel is a very clear message to someone, but that message passes through filters and noise before being received and interpreted. The message, truly, is in the ears (or eyes) of the beholder. Language is infinitely complicated and communicating tainted with all sorts of external and internal "stuff" before decoded and understood. It's frightening, really, to try and make someone understand your message as you want it understood. Sometimes it requires persistence and repetition. Sometimes it requires dogged stubbornness. Sometimes it requires all the patience love can muster to make the message heard.
This I believe: words are not cheap. As a human, I know they are my most complicated tool. I've spent my life trying to understand their nuance, but still fall short sometimes. And while I can't argue against the old adage "actions speak louder than words" I believe in the power of words written or said well to send the right message. Sometimes words are all I have. Sometimes the message doesn't break through the noise and emotional stuff the first time.
This is why I keep talking. This is why I continue to send the message. This is why I won't quit.
I saw Pink Floyd on this tour. Amazing show. Keep talking.
Has it been seventeen days since I last posted?
Radio silence here doesn't mean silence everywhere. In fact, I'm learning to be a better communicator than I have most of my adult life. I'm learning to say what needs to be said to those who need to hear, but doing so in ways which can deliver the message without malice or self-loathing or fear or worry or vindictiveness. I'm trying to be the best communicator I can, trying to cut away the noise and deliver the essence of the message.
It's hard.
Damn hard sometimes because words don't always do what you want them to. Words can't always translate emotions so others can feel you. Words are just words, simple tools, and sometimes fit like a broad-bladed screwdriver when a tiny one would do. Words can soothe a little but not take away the pain of losing a loved one, learning of tragedy, or facing your own mortality. Words are just words.
But I will take them.
Sometimes they are all I have.
The older boys and I have begun a daily ritual of taking "five minutes" one-on-one with Dad (me). I listen while they talk. Sometimes I share, too. Max, being six and a half, has his own super self-focused perspective on the days events. Once in a while he will surprise me, throwing in a big picture perspective that stretches well past his developmental age. Mostly, we talk about PE class or making a plaid pattern in art or what happened at recess. Owen has started really opening up to some "big talks" about life and our future. He surprises me a little, but then I realize he's my kid. I've never really done life halfway and don't want them to live that way either.
I wish we all (meaning everyone on the planet) had less fear when it came to communicating with one another. Maybe the fear stems from the insufficiency of language. Maybe the fear grows when we realize there really is no way to make someone we love know, really know what that love feels like inside of us.
I don't know. I will probably never have the answer, but I can live with it.
Communication breakdown?
No. Not at all.
By: Alice,
on 8/30/2012
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By Alice M. Hammel and Ryan M. Hourigan
While standing at the local superstore watching my children choose their colorful binders and pencils for the upcoming school year, I saw another family at the end of the aisle. Their two sons had great difficulty accessing the space because of the crowd and they were clearly over-stimulated by the sights and sounds of this tax-free weekend shopping day. One boy began crying and the other soon curled into a ball next to the packets of college-lined paper. My daughter, empathic to a fault, leaned down and offered her Blues Clues notebook in an effort to make the boy happier. When we finally walked away, I saw the same pain and embarrassment in the eyes of the parents that I have often seen at parent-teacher conferences and IEP meetings.
For many families, the start of a new school year is exciting and refreshing. The opportunity to see old friends, meet new ones, and the ease of settling into a fall routine can be comforting. For families of students with special needs, however, the start of a school year can be anxious, frustrating, and filled with reminders of the deficits (social and academic) of their children. This dichotomy is clear and present as some children bound off the school bus with their shiny new backpacks hanging from their shoulders, while others are assisted off different buses as their eyes and bodies prepare for what sometimes feels like an assault on their very personhood.
These differences are apparent to parents as well as teachers and administrators at schools. Professionals often ask: “What can we do to be the best teachers for these students?”
Consider what school can mean for students who are different and how to create ways to welcome everyone, according to their needs. Before the school year begins, these longstanding suggestions still resonate as best practices for parents and students:
(1) Contact the student before the school year begins to be sure the student and family are aware that you are genuinely looking forward to working with them and have exciting plans for the school year! Everyone learns differently and wants to be honored for their ability to contribute. In the Eye Illusion not everyone is able to see the changes in the dots as they move around the circle. What you see isn’t better or worse — just different. When we think of students and children in the same way, by removing the stigma of labels and considering the needs of all, we become more of a community and less of a hierarchy.
(2) Be aware of all students in the classes you teach. Know their areas of strength and challenge, and be prepared to adapt teaching strategies to include them. We cannot expect students and children all to be the same. Use a fable to illustrate that everyone has strengths and can become an integral part of the learning experience.
(3) Review teaching practices: modalities, colors, sizes, and pacing. All students enjoy learning through various modalities (visual, aural, kinesthetic), love colors in their classroom, appreciate sizing differences to assist with visual concepts, and can benefit from pacing that is more applicable to them. Find ways to include these practices in an overall approach. Universal design (applied to the classroom) means that all students receive adaptations to enhance their learning experience, and no one is singled out as being different because of the adaptations applied.
(4) Create partnerships with all professionals who work with special needs students. A team approach is a powerful way to include everyone effectively. When we work as a team, everyone benefits and the workload is shared by all. This community of professionals creates a culture of shared responsibility and joy.
(5) Provide a clear line of communication with parents of students with disabilities. Often children cannot come home and tell their parents about events, assignments, announcements, and other important parts of their school day. Parents may not be able to gauge whether their child had a good day or if there are concerns. A journal between teacher and parent(s) can be a comforting and useful tool. This communication may also be done electronically through a secure Google or Yahoo group. Reading Rockets provides other useful tips in this area.
(6) Leave labels out of the conversation when communicating with parents. Parents can be sensitive to their child being known only by their diagnosis. In addition, some parents may be still processing the life change that comes with raising a child with special needs. When entering into a conversation with a parent, focus on your classroom and the needs of the student. If there is a concern, try to put the concern in the most positive light as possible. The Parent-Provider network at Purdue University offers some great tips as well for communicating with parents.
(7) Let parents know of student accomplishments even if they are small. Students with special needs often encounter failure. Parents attend countless meetings that remind them of all the challenges their children face. A note home when something goes well can make all the difference.
(8) Allow the parent and the child to visit prior to the start of school if the child is new. Students who are enrolling in a new program or a new school may have difficulty with this transition. Often this transition can cause anxiety that will hinder a child from seeing school as a comfortable, safe place. Walk them through the routines: where they sit, where materials are, etc. Social stories (short stories written in third person to illustrate an everyday situation) can also be useful in this circumstance. When read prior to beginning school, these stories help them move through their transition.
A culture of acceptance and compassion must permeate our educational institutions. By categorizing, labeling, and noting differences, we are often putting children in boxes that can then, unfortunately, define them for the rest of their lives. Every child wants to be part of the school experience and seeks to participate to the best of his ability. When the class and school culture are created to honor the personhood of every child, and each child is considered valuable to the success of every school experience, all children begin to enjoy the same childhood experiences.
Alice M. Hammel and Ryan M. Hourigan are the authors of Teaching Music to Students with Special Needs: A Label-Free Approach. Alice Hammel teaches for James Madison and Virginia Commonwealth Universities, and has years of experience teaching instrumental and choral music. Ryan Hourigan is Assistant Professor of Music Education at Ball State University and a recipient of the Outstanding University Music Educator Award from the Indiana Music Educators Association. The companion website to Teaching Music to Students with Special Needs provides more resources.
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View more about this book on the 
Image credit: Having fun in a music class. Photo by SolStock, iStockphoto.
Christie Craig
Don't Mess With Texas
Publisher: Forever Books
Pub date: August 2011
Agent: Kim Lionetti
(Click to Buy)
I get a lot of questions tossed my way. For today’s guest blog, I decided to answer three of them, along with three connecting snippets of writing advice.
Why do you set all your books in fictional Texas towns?
Most people are surprised to learn that I’m not a native Texan. However, I was only here a few weeks when I knew this was where I’d hang my hat. Texas and Texans are just . . . well, unique. I mean, where else is it illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow, shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel, or own more than six dildos? Yup, those are real laws in this fine state; I know because I checked when I decided to live here. (Not that I’m into graffitiing cows, shooting buffaloes, or stockpiling dildos. I just like to know the laws of the land, so I can poke fun at them in my books.) So I guess what drives me to base my books in Texas is that this place is one of a kind. And since I try to write one-of-a-kind books, it fits. And for what drives me to use fictional towns, that’s easy. I don’t want to worry about getting geographical facts incorrect. Okay, I’m lazy and hate research.
Writing tip #1: Using fictional towns equals less research and less hassle. You won’t get readers emailing you notes like: There isn’t a fifty-foot-high bridge in Spring, Texas, like you used in your book.
Why do you add suspense and humor to your romance novels?
Years ago, I published a sweet Silhouette Romance. Unable to sell a second book, I focused on my freelance career. I wrote words to feed knowledge-hungry individuals. I wrote about China, calligraphy, window fashions, tomato horn worms, and ugly shoes.
Basically, if an editor would pay for it, I wrote it. After an eight-year sabbatical from fiction, I was desperate to return to writing novels. I announced my intentions to my family, my friends, and to the innocent bystander at the post office: I, Christie Craig, was going to publish another book even if I had to kill somebody to accomplish it.
What I didn’t realize was that’s exactly what it would take. When I whacked my first person, guilt sat on my shoulders like a fat gorilla. But as soon as I washed the imaginary blood off my hands and reread my deadly scene, I had an epiphany: Nothing can liven up a party or a plot like a dead body.
Since then, mystery and murder are prevalent in my work. Yes, there’s other stuff like romance, but I’m not sure I can write a story without having one person kick the bucket. Or at least having someone try to kick someone else’s bucket. Death or someone facing death excites me, and that comes across in my writing.
As for the humor? A writer needs to stay true to their writing voice, and my voice is humorous. When I first started writing my funny suspense novels someone warned me that murder wasn’t funny. They’re right, but how people respond to it under duress can be a real belly-roller.
Take Nikki Hunt’s situation in Don’t Mess With Texas: Nikki thought her night couldn’t get worse when her no-good cheating ex ditched her at dinner, sticking her with the expensive bill. Furious,
Last year, I signed with an agent who is a great fit for me on paper: she has sold multiple book series in my genre to great editors for great deals. Very exciting. In the beginning, we spoke several times a week, and her rounds of feedback came quickly.
It’s been nine months, though, and we’ve gone through seven rounds of revisions on my MS. I’ve written two separate outlines and had her sign off on both of them… only to question things later. Since August, I’ve only heard from her a handful of times – always with a positive tone (i.e., “we’re almost there!”) but noticeably less frequently. The plan was for her to start submitting in September, but that clearly hasn’t happened.
I don’t know how many more rounds of edits I can quietly endure. It feels like she’s never going to submit my book. Every time she says “we’re almost there”, I get another six-page document of revisions. Am I just being impatient? How many rounds of edits do most writers go through pre-submission? When is it okay to say ‘enough’? I know she has a plan to pitch the book and editors ‘primed’ to read it… but the promise that is her ‘plan’ is starting to feel like a carrot to keep me revising endlessly.
Uff. This is frustrating. I think you are being very patient. Yes, it's quite possible for a manuscript to go many, many rounds of revisions. Ask some of my clients ;) so that's not my biggest concern. My concern is the fact that you had a target submission date of September, many months have passed and you're not hearing much. I think it's time for an in-depth conversation with your agent. You need to find out what her real concerns are, why it's not being submitted and ask point-blank if she's still as passionate about this book as she once was. Because it sounds to me like your real fear is that she just doesn't love it like she used to. Let's face it, that happens. It stinks, but it happens.
The truth is, it sounds to me like maybe you just don't love her like you used to either.
Here's the most important question, however: Do you love the book like you used to? I imagine you're a little tired of it, but do you still feel strongly about it? Actually, what I should be asking, is do you feel that this book is bigger and better from when you started? Seven rounds of revisions is a lot at this stage in the game, and at some point someone has to say: Enough. It's time to send it out, I can't do anything more. This is a great book. Someone has to put a foot down. It would be nice if it was both of you.
The good thing is that your agent clearly feels enough passion to go seven rounds. She's working hard to try to find you a publisher, and this is the first step in that process. I don't think this is a case of an agent not doing her job. I think it's a case of an agent and client who need to get on the phone together and really have a discussion to see where they are both at now. This is a discussion agent and client should have frequently throughout the years. How are you feeling about things right now and what is our plan? Let's make a plan and stick to it. I think that phone call will make all the difference.
Jessica
Almost every author, at one time or another, struggles with getting her book in on time. It happens, but the absolute worst thing you can do is hide. When trouble arises you need communication more than ever. The minute you know you're facing a missed deadline or having trouble of any kind, let your agent know. For some reason, too many authors go underground and refuse to answer email or phone from agents or editors. I think they get tunnel vision and decide if they work frantically to get things done no one will notice. Not true. When we don't hear anything, and we know things are late, panic sets in and that only makes matters worse.
Jessica
Email is a beautiful thing and has made life so much easier for so many of us. When I started as an agent email was still a little bit in its infancy—sure, people used it, but I’m not sure we relied on it in quite the same way we do now. I can’t imagine doing this job without email. Whether it’s the middle of the night or the middle of the weekend I’m able to email my clients and respond to their concerns, and I think, because of email, we probably have more frequent communication than we would if we relied on snail mail or phone.
That being said, our reliance on email can be a little bit dangerous. I think it allows us to become lazy and forget the importance of good communication. Because while email is fabulous, it isn’t for all situations. The one thing to remember when it comes to email is that how an email is read is entirely based on the interpretation of the reader and what sort of baggage the reader brings to the reading. For that reason there are times when email is not, in my mind, appropriate.
For example, let’s say I have a client who is upset with the way a publisher is handling something. Maybe she feels the publisher isn’t doing enough work for her or isn’t behind her enough. I, on the other hand, having years of experience in this business, know that not only is the publisher doing what the publisher normally does, but in this instance the publisher is doing a lot more. However, as we all know, sometimes knowledge alone doesn’t make us feel better. Sending an email explaining this to an already dissatisfied and upset client could easily backfire on me. Instead of taking my words as calming, she could just as easily feel like even her agent isn’t on her side. Or feel like I’m simply dismissing her feelings. Which is why, in a situation like this, I would probably call, so that we could have a real back-and-forth discussion, I could explain myself and she could hear the tone of my voice to understand that I am on her side, and part of being on her side is to explain the way things work. We could also easily move on from dissatisfaction to problem solving, something email would probably take longer to accomplish.
My point in all this is to remind you all that while email is usually our favorite form of communication, it isn’t always the best, and in instances where conflict is possible or in instances of confrontation, or involving emotion, sometimes the best way to communicate is the old-fashioned way.
Jessica
Thanks to everyone who commented yesterday, especially the agents who popped in. Obviously this was an upsetting situation for everyone to read about.
A lot of commenters suggested that publishing is a small world and that the mistake this author made could really be career damaging. I'm not so sure of that. there seems to be a frequently held view that there's this publishing black list and we agents can't wait to drop you there. We're human too and while we can certainly become annoyed and angry in the most humanly way possible, we can also understand mistakes and misunderstandings.
Anyway, I did hear from the author who first asked the question and wanted to post an update. She was really surprised by my answer and the feedback by others on the blog. What she said was, "though I see clearly now how big a mistake I made, at the time, I expected a response more like 'We agents can't represent every genre, and sometimes a writer will take on two agents.' I assure you while I did know I needed to tell them about one another, I was just afraid of missing an opportunity because they are so rare, and that was cowardly of me, but I was shocked at the overall response I received from you."
Since yesterday morning she was able to get in touch with one of the agents and explain the situation. The agent was incredibly gracious and while she has no experience in both genres is going to continue working with the author on the one book (genre) they've signed for. I did not hear how the other call went, but I do have a sense that all is probably well. If not, I'm a strong believer that if the book is meant to be published she'll find another agent for it.
The author confessed to me that she's sick to learn of her own deceit and hoping to remedy things as quickly as possible. She also hopes that I don't see this as a black mark on her. Trust me, I think we've all been in situations in life we're we've had that sickening pit in our stomach for something we've done whether intentionally or unintentionally and it's not a feeling I want to wish on anyone.
I think Colleen Lindsay said it perfectly yesterday in her comment when she said "oy." I would probably say "uff da" there isn't much else to say. It's an annoying situation and if it happened to me I would be annoyed, but since I only offer representation to projects I'm truly passionate about I also know I wouldn't want to give up a book or a client whose voice I loved for one indiscretion.
I think the author has learned a lesson. In fact I know she has. In her email she said, "I will certainly slow down and think, be less reactionary, and more careful with my career."
And I think that's a lesson we can all take with us.
--Jessica
Click on image to enlargeTitle: Voices inside my head.
Artist:
FHNavarro
Non-verbal communication II.
This is an illustration I did in February 2007, for another illustration blog whose suggested topic was also "communication".
josh pincus is crying
Non-verbal communication I.
A short letter from one friend to another changes the course of music history.
Read about it
HERE on the josh pincus is crying blog.
By: Kirsty,
on 6/8/2010
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Eavesdropping has a bad name. It is a form of human communication in which the information gained is stolen, and where such words as cheating and spying come into play. But eavesdropping may also be an attempt to understand what goes on in the lives of others so as to know better how to live one’s own. John L. Locke’s entertaining and disturbing new book, Eavesdropping: An Intimate History, explores everything from sixteenth-century voyeurism to Facebook and Twitter. Below is a short excerpt from the book’s prologue, explaining why he finds eavesdropping so fascinating.
On a flight from Milan to London I was slumped down in my aisle seat, deep in thought as I reviewed an early draft of the manuscript that has become this book. Unbeknownst to me, I was being watched by a woman in the middle seat of the row immediately in front. After we had landed and the passengers were commencing the customary disembarking ritual, the woman startled me by looking over her headrest and pointedly asking if I was writing a book. I answered that I was. What’s it about, she asked. I said my book concerned the intense desire of members of our species to know what is going on in the personal lives of others. At this, the woman burst into ironic laughter since first in watching, and then in asking, she had just expressed two different forms of that very desire.
Watching and asking produce a form of intimate experience, which can be enjoyable in its own right, as well as intimate images, which may be re-experienced when privately brought to mind or – as information – shared with others. Intimacies tend to circulate preferentially among people who know and trust each other, and they usually move swiftly. Since many of these “secrets” ultimately become public knowledge, a look at how intimate material travels enables us to understand the social foundations of scandal, rough justice, and the “news,” even “history.”
I smiled in response to the lady on the plane but I could just as well have laughed, too, for here I was, writing a book about a subject on which there was little in the way of directly relevant research. Indeed, until I began to study eavesdropping – one of the more important ways that ordinary people express the desire at issue – I had never, in many years of research, encountered a behavior whose actual significance was so greatly at variance with its recognized importance. Look for books on social behavior with the word “eavesdropping” in the index section and you are likely to be severely disappointed. Enter the same word in computerized literature searches and your screen will display a list of books on wiretapping and other forms of electronic surveillance. But the word was coined centuries before telephones and recording equipment were invented, and the practice of eavesdropping documented nearly a thousand years earlier, when people were happy to entrust to unaided senses the question of who was doing what to whom.
Just after I began my studies of eavesdropping, a colleague asked me why I had chosen to address this particular subject. It must have seemed a radical departure from my previous work on the psychology of language. I told him that I had come across Marjorie McIntosh’s analysis of court records indicating that five and six centuries ago, English citizens had, in impressive numbers, been arrested for eavesdropping. I wondered what, in the medieval mind, would have caused this behavior to be criminalized, and what the “criminals” themselves were doing, or thought they were doing, when they went out at night and listened to their neighbors’ conversations.
I had also begun to study ethology, a field that deals with behavior in a broad range of species, and had encountered the work of Peter McGregor. He pointed out that birds increase their chances of survival by monitoring the long-distance calls of other bir
By: Kirsty,
on 3/23/2010
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By Kirsty McHugh, OUP UK
David Blockley is Emeritus Professor of Civil Engineering and Senior Research Fellow at the University of Bristol. His new book, Bridges: The Science and Art of the World’s Most Inspiring Structures, he explains how to read a bridge – its unique design and construction, and the way the forces flow through its arches, beams, or cables. It is also a celebration of the spectacular human achievement that has gone into bridges and therefore our living environment. It is the human aspect that Professor Blockley concentrates on in the below post, where he argues that the political world could learn a great deal from bridge-building.
In 1932 the Prime Minister of New South Wales, Jack Lang, opened the Sydney Harbour Bridge. He said:
‘The achievement of this bridge is symbolic of the things Australians strive for but have not yet achieved . . . Just as Sydney has completed this material bridge, which will unite her people, so will Australia ultimately perfect the bridge which it commenced 30 years ago at Federation . . . the bridge of understanding among the Australian people will yet be built.’
Physical bridges like the magnificent Sydney Harbour Bridge, or the wonderful Millau Viaduct in France, are built by people for people. To do that the bridge builders must form teams to accomplish difficult tasks. Teams work best when relationships are good. Relationships connect people so we can call them people bridges. I suspect whether you think Jack Lang’s vision has been achieved will depend on who you are and where you live, but the aspiration for the world is as strong now as it was then because the most difficult people bridges are those between racial and religious communities.
Physical bridges need three things; firm foundations, strong structure and effective working – so do people bridges. 
The better you understand something the more you appreciate it. Even if you aren’t an expert or technically qualified you can learn to read a physical bridge like a book – in other words understand the flow of forces. The firm foundations of people bridges must include an agreed set of ground rules – like not killing each other. The golden rule of most of the world’s religions ‘don’t do to others that you would not have them do to you’ is a good starting point. We should require our world leaders to negotiate such a ground rule with extremists. That is not to underestimate the difficulty of doing that. However, as Winston Churchill said, ‘To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war’; just as a bridge fails with weak foundations so will a war on terrorism. The weakness in the ground may be in the subsoil – the weakness in the war on terror is in differing perceptions on the value of human life. There will be no long-term peace until there is some accommodation in the foundations – some agreement about common purpose. Then we can begin to set up strong structures supporting political processes and governance and people will begin to work together effectively. Even if we aren’t experts we need t
There’s a delicate balancing act that needs to be played in the author-agent relationship, and while we’ve touched on it a few times I’m not sure we’ve addressed it in quite this way.
I’m often asked how I handle a situation when the author and I disagree on the merits of a proposal. If, for example, an author is hot on a new idea that I’m a little cold on, how should that be handled? Like everything else, of course there’s no answer to this question. Much would depend on the author and the agent and the relationship they have built, some of it would depend on the agent’s knowledge of that market, and of course a lot of it would really depend on the idea. If the book is a completely new direction for the author and an unfamiliar direction for the agent, maybe she’s not the right agent for it. If the idea or proposal is something the agent just feels isn’t the author’s best work, but the author is insistent it needs to go out, maybe she’ll give in and let editors make the decision. However it’s handled, I think that it’s important for both people to come to the situation with a mutual feeling of respect and trust for what the other has to offer.
There have been only a small handful of times in my career when I really felt I had to dig my heels in and tell an author that I would absolutely not submit the proposal or do whatever it was she wanted me to do. In all instances I really felt like the situation had gotten out of control, not because I was unwilling to compromise, but because there was a lack of respect. One thing I think authors need to remember is that agents are only as successful as their reputations. Editors depend on us to send them great projects, to negotiate respectfully, and to help them, as well as our authors, should problems arise. If I want to do the best job for my clients I need to maintain the reputation I’ve built, and of course I need to balance that with the work I’m doing for you.
I strongly believe that the only way I can be successful as an agent is to be as honest as possible with my clients. Typically I think this is appreciated. If you send me something that’s not your best work it’s my job to tell you and to give suggestions on what I think needs to be done to make it your best work. It’s also my job to tell you what I believe the market can and will support and whether or not what you’re writing might be a more difficult sell, or an impossible sell, than other ideas you have. Presumably when you’re hiring an agent you’re hiring someone for her expertise and knowledge of publishing and not simply a middleman who can shuffle papers on your behalf.
Let me tell you something that will not work for me and, if you really want the best representation, shouldn’t work for you either. It will not work if I send you a list of revision suggestions, edits, or concerns about your proposal and instead of looking carefully at what I’m saying, you respond with something along the lines of, “I disagree. Submit it anyway.” Nope. That won’t work with me. You might disagree and I can respect that. I even welcome a discussion on how we can make the proposal work, if possible. In fact, I think a number of my clients can tell stories of when we disagreed on something. I don’t expect to be blindly followed. I don’t want to be blindly followed. Selling a book takes teamwork and a good team listens to the ideas of all of its members. I also don’t expect to be ordered around. I’m not here at your beck and call. I don’t even get paid until something sells, so if I thought it would sell why wouldn’t I want to get paid?
I come to this job with experience, and while I don’t have a crystal ball any more than you do, I have to be honest with you and with myself about what my limitations are. If I really don’t think something can sell then there’s a pretty good possibility that I won’t be the agent to sell it. Most important, though, I’ve spent years working with authors, publishers, other a
The Clever Stick by John Lechner
This is one sharp stick, very smart and clever. He is so bright, he writes poetry and enjoys listening to the birds singing. So bright that he is frustrated when he can’t communicate with the other things in the forest. Finally, he is so dejected that he just drags himself home. But then he looks back and realizes that he is leaving a trail in the dirt, and that he can use that trail to communicate! The stick draws a huge detailed picture that has everyone in the forest impressed. Even when the rain comes and washes it all away, the stick is still happy because he knows he can always draw more.
Lechner has created a smart story about self-expression and finding innovative ways to communicate. The book has a gentle sense of humor that works very well. It is a quiet sort of book, one that is more about brains than action, more about creativity and imagination too. The fact that the stick is special because of its intelligence is also a great message to send to children who may be hiding their own light in school. Lechner’s illustrations done in ink and watercolor are simple and clear.
A sharp stick for smart kids, this book is a quiet gem. Appropriate for ages 3-5.
Reviewed from copy received from publisher.
Also reviewed by Books4YourKids.
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on 8/12/2009
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Author: Kristen Tracy (on JOMB)
Published: 2009 Random House (on JOMB)
ISBN: 9780385736879
A big thanks to guest host Lucy (10) for joining Andrea today to discuss this book.
Life can be challenging and fair’s got nothing to do with it. Parents are people. Friendship’s a worthwhile risk. There’s a lot to think about when you’re ten in the real world. Which is why I’m so glad Lucy (10) and I read this fun and fabulously thought provoking book.
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More books including less-than-perfect families on JOMB:
We’d love to hear your thoughts on a favourite children’s book. Leave a voice message on our JOMB listener hotline, +1-206-350-6487, so we can include your audio in our show.
As a single mom, it's hard at times to find others that I am able to confide in when it comes to talking about the butterflies that I experience and nervous excitement that I have before a date or when I meet someone who I’m attracted to. It's not often that it happens so it's during the dry spells that I'm there as a confidante, therapist and friend to others. I’m there for those seeking comfort, looking for someone who can listen and understand what they're going through.I'm there for my friends who have either given up on love or are still trying to comprehend the relationships - and mistakes - from their past. My entire life has been dedicated to helping and listening to others. I'm a great listener. I don't think there's anyone that knows me that would tell you otherwise. Which is why, at times, I really feel the need to unleash and spill my guts to those who can also understand and who listen to me as I provide way too much information about an escapade that I've encountered or complain about a dry spell that's gone on for far too long.Often, I spend my time online visiting the sites and blogs of other single parents - both moms and dads - who have encountered the same issues that I have. The Single Parents Connection on Facebook has a growing list of blogs dedicated to single parents. I'm honored to be included among such honest and humorous writers.
Prior to my divorce, I was the mom who worked over 50 hours a week, feeling guilty about not being there for my son, missing out on so much as he grew up and changed in the blink of an eye while I built my career, being the breadwinner and putting all of my energy into my job, not realizing that I was neglecting my husband and child at the same time.
We all make sacrifices for our family and there is always a choice to be made. Seeing the other side of it now, the work-at-home mom who wants to provide for her child, who has so much to offer and supply as a nurturing, sympathetic caregiver who wishes she could turn back time.
There’s also another side to that. I also need and crave that female energy, the bond that has brought women together for centuries, which is maybe one of the main reasons why I’m so looking forward to attending my first BlogHer conference.
I have met so many great and inspiring women in this lifetime. I have been lucky enough to have sat with some brilliant individuals, learning so much as they guide me and help me learn from, not only their mistakes, but teach me to learn from my own.
If you’re attending BlogHer in just a few weeks, drop me a line, let me know what you’re most looking forward to (be honest) and what your concerns are. I know a lot of people are worried that it’ll be like high school again. Cliques and popularity contests is not something I would want to experience again, but I also know that the bonds that have been created by women – either online or meeting in person in the past – are hard to break.
I hope to meet many new friends and have a chance to really listen to what everyone has to say. I do my best work that way.
It seems that often enough an author makes the agent work so hard that it’s not worth the effort. For example, instead of a query letter, I simply get a one-sentence description and a link to a web site that really includes very little information about the book. For some reason I’m still interested, so I write the author back asking for more description. I’m still not really given any information and instead am sent to another place where I can read something. This something still doesn’t include the information I was requesting. At this point it’s just become too hard. Why am I chasing this book all over the Internet when I still don’t really know what the book is about? More important, though, I suspect that this particular author and I simply cannot communicate. No matter how many times I ask I’m not able to get the information I need, and that doesn’t bode well for future editorial feedback or requests from the publisher.
I have to say, situations like this happen almost weekly, and if I have to work this hard and it’s this difficult before I even know if it’s a book I want to represent, it’s only going to get worse. The reason there are so many guidelines out there on query letters, proposals, etc., is not because agents are looking to make your lives more difficult, but we’re looking for insight into your book and future working relationships. We don’t expect perfection, but we do hope it can go as smoothly as possible.
Jessica
Back in my younger days as an editorial assistant I quickly learned that one of the best ways to become the best I could be was to watch those around me. I paid attention not just to my bosses and how they did their work, but also to other editors. I learned not just from the good things they did, but from the bad as well, and one of the many things that has always stuck with me was the importance of communication. It always amazed me, even back then, what poor communicators so many people were and still are.
As an editor and now as a literally agent I make it a priority to be as accessible as possible to my clients as well as to editors and other professionals who call or contact me. That means that I return phone calls and emails as quickly as possible and always remind my clients that if I haven’t returned your phone call or email by the next day, or responded in some way, it’s because somewhere along the way the message was misplaced or I lost my mind. In the very first conversation I ever have with a new client this comes up and I always, always tell them to call again, that bugging me isn’t possible and that I’d rather hear from you than have you stewing at home thinking I’m ignoring your calls. The one exception to this rule are unsolicited phone pitches. While my assistant will sometimes return those calls for me I don’t and I won’t. I don’t have time to spend the 20 to 30 minutes on the phone that every unsolicited querier seems to think they are allowed to have with me when a simple letter or, hey, following our submission guidelines would do.
Unfortunately, poor communication is as alive and well today as it was 15 years ago when I started in publishing. It amazes me sometimes how often I’ll have to call or email a single editor to get an answer to one question or how often I wonder if an editor has died and maybe, just maybe no one told me. After all, ten emails and three phone calls should illicit an answer, especially when it’s pertaining to a top author.
What I wonder is how much worse this is going to get. We live in an age when text messaging is more popular than phoning, and I don’t know about you, but I’ve noticed the damage it’s doing. People do not want to have face-to-face or phone-to-phone conversations anymore, they don’t want to actually face things head-on, feeling everything is easier via text or email. Phone skills and verbal communication are declining and, frankly, so is written communication. A text is not the same as a business letter.
I hope that someday schools catch on and start teaching more than just English grammar, but also teach proper verbal communication. Back when I was in junior high, and public schools had money for such things, we were actually required to take a speech class, which meant getting up in front of the class and giving three different speeches for grades. It was great and I think invaluable.
Jessica
Learn to Listen to Critiquers
Listening to critiques is hard!
I have to remind myself that writing is communication, with a writer and a reader. When I get feedback, what I’m really doing is checking to see if I communicated what I wanted to. Well, no. I didn’t.
I have two choices:
- Ignore the feedback. This guarantees that a chunk of readers will not understand my story, my essay, my attempt at communicating.
- Clarify through revision. Revision is the process of clarifying the communication.
For fiction, this means partly that the reader has an internalized concept of story and your story must fit that concept, at least to some degree. You can break expectations, of course, and often the best novelists do, but the novel must fit some of these conventions, or communication breaks down.
Plot holes. The reader’s reasoning process say, uh-oh, that wouldn’t have happened that way. Or, you can’t have that happen at the same time as this other event. Whatever - the story violates the reader’s sense of what is possible.
Character holes. The reader just doesn’t believe this is a person, but just a collection of characteristics. Successful novels put together characteristics, emotions, actions, reactions in such a way that the reader believes.
Feel free to disagree with any and every piece of feedback you get. But only after you’ve listened, and thought, and thought and tried to make sure your communication is reaching your readers.
Post from: Revision Notes
Revise Your Novel!
Copyright 2009. Darcy Pattison. All Rights Reserved.
Related posts:
- Revision: Understanding critiques
- Feedback
- When to Ask for a Critique
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I appreciated these post very much since I am "on break" and was feeling guilty. The time off to recharge is very important for all of us!