How to use this Page

Last week I finally "finished" the rough draft of a middle grade/tween novel I was supposed to finish last November. I mentioned last week how much I've been struggling with this one, mainly due to constant interruptions as well as, admittedly, using those as an excuse not to work on it. But now there is a draft. There is a beginning (of sorts), a very murky middle that goes on and on and on, and there is an end (of sorts). There is conflict and there is resolution. But... and it is so hard to admit this... there isn't enough heart. There isn't enough life. There isn't enough structure. And there isn't enough plot. There are some funny moments and some sad moments but overall, what I have is a massive collection of scenes all loosely tied together that tell a weak story at best.

I know what this means.

I'm afraid of what this means.

I have to start over on a blank page.

When I admitted this to my husband and writing partners, they were like, "Well, yeah. You've done that with all your books."

And I was like? "Wait, what?" And then I remembered that was true. I seem to be good at blocking the memory of this step out.

"This is your process."

That's what they tell me, reassuringly. And then they say, "You can do it."

Sometimes I think one of the most valuable aspects of this life is to have friends who believe in me when I don't. I can't imagine what I would do without them telling me I can do something I've stopped believing I can do.

Thank you Cindy, Debbi and Peter for believing in me, especially on the days when it seems too hard. It reminds me of how silly that is, really, to say about writing.

Writing is only as hard as you make it.

It might seem hard because I'm afraid. Or feeling tired. Or overwhelmed. Or not sure which way to go. It might seem hard because I'm unsure of myself. Or like it's a waste of time. Or even because I'm just plan lazy. But it's never too hard. That's me saying that because I don't want to do it. And there are certainly plenty of legitimate reasons for that. But those reasons are about me, not about the writing.

Writing is a choice. It's also a privilege. And when I remember that, the mountain seems a little less steep.

I can do it.

And so can you.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Monday Morning Warm-Up:

Think about the power of the phrase, "You can do it." How can you use that in your own life, in encouraging yourself and others, and how could you use it in your fiction? Is it something you might need to whisper in your main character's ear? Something he or she needs to convince someone else of? Start a scene with dialogue beginning "You can do it" and see what happens...

And speaking of "you can do it", here's my progress so far :-)

Some of you know, the past few years I have been trying to be "a runner." Or jogger. Or, probably most accurately a plodder. Each year, I add a mile to my yearly goal and attempt it on my birthday in September.

My challenge: I live on a twisty, hilly dirt, and once winter sets in, it can be very difficult to run on, especially when we get a very snowy winter like the one we've had this year. The road narrows, it's icy, and it's really just not safe to walk on, much less run. In fact the last time I went for a walk I had a very graceless wipe-out.

But we've had a few warm days and the snow banks have receded and it looks like the ice is mostly gone. So today, it's time to get back out there. Last September, I was able to run 6 (very slow) miles. But I'm afraid after a few months of not running at all, I'm back to square one. This happened last year, too. It's a bummer.

But last week, in a moment of inspiration (and perhaps delusion), I downloaded the training schedule for the Couch to Half Marathon plan. I meant to do the Couch to 10K plan, but for "some reason" I clicked on the half marathon link instead. My goal is only to run 7 miles. But there's this little dreamer inside me that says, Maybe you could do more...

So it is 6:52 a.m. as I write this and the training schedule is staring at me with a photo of this very fit lady at the top running like the wind and even though I know I will never look like her, with my frumpy body and my slow shuffle, somehow I'm still inspired to try. Today is the day.

On a parallel line here, I have been in a bit of a writing slump. Specifically, with a book that was technically or maybe just theoretically due back in November. That was the date we chose for the contract but I have been silently hoping no one else will remember.

Because I still haven't managed to finish the very rough first draft.

Last year I took on a teaching position and I also began doing more speaking engagements and traveling to more conferences and I had revisions come in for another novel and... all this meant I kept getting interrupted. Every time I tried to get back into my work-in-progress I felt I'd slipped more and more behind.

Like my running, the days I could finally get out there I felt I'd lost so much I could barely make progress. It was getting more and more frustrating and stressful. Eventually it began to feel hopeless. Eventually I more or less stopped.

But that's not really an option, is it? To give up your goal, your dream, just because it seems too hard?

No way.

On Friday, I had finished my school visit duties for the week. I finished an essay I'd committed to. I was done with all my student packets. I had a full day to write. It was like looking at a flat, ice-free road on a perfect-weather day and just standing there thinking, This is probably going to hurt, but you've gotta start somewhere.

Sometimes, opening my file, or putting on my sneakers, is actually the hardest part of getting back to the task at hand. It's the final commitment to starting again. Starting from what feels like the bottom of a very steep hill. So I told myself:

Just write one sentence. It can be terrible.

So I wrote one terrible sentence.

And then I told myself:

Maybe you could do more.

So I tried.

And soon I'd written 500 words. And maybe not all of them were so terrible. I felt myself finally stepping back into the story.

Today, I will write 1,000 words.

I'm also going to find my running shoes, buried under piles of winter boots and mismatched winter clothes at the bottom of the closet. My instructions say to jog 30 seconds, then walk 60 seconds. Repeat until you've gone 2 miles. It doesn't sound so hard, when you break it up like that.

One sentence. 30 seconds. It's possible.

I know a lot of you struggle too, so I wanted to put this little phrase in your head this morning, just like it lodged itself in mine.

Maybe you could do more.

I'm pretty sure you can.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Monday Morning Warm-Up:

Write to the prompt: "Maybe I could do more..."