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Nobody has any idea why this exists, which I guess is precisely why everybody should be thrilled to view it? After first being announced at San Diego during a strange, strange panel which featured live appearances from several members of the cast, the first episode of Marvel’s ALL-WINNERS SQUAD animated webseries has gone online, which sees basically every Marvel character worth caring about… assemble onto one team.

Not since The Champions have we had such a powerful lineup in the same room. We’ve got The Unicorn (Russia’s greatest villain!), Hypno Hustler, Frog-Man, Squirrel Girl, Howard the Duck, Ruby Thursday and Walrus all on this team, you guys. Ruby Thursday, I say! She’s the notch Wolverine is proudest of having on his bedpost. It’s an inspired lineup of heroes. Here’s a photo Marvel took at SDCC with three of the cast members, who are IRL here but are contained to cartoon in the video:

The video is a ridiculous piece of silliness, in which the characters gather round a conference table to find out why they’re there, and what the point of everything is. The basic plot gets set up – no spoilers – and looks like it could be a whole lot of fun. Ruby Thursday has a seductive robot voice. Hypno Hustler speaks exclusively in 1970s Blaxploitation nonsense. And Frog Man appears to be masturbating.

There is little to no reason for this to exist, although apparently Doop will also show up soon – and as everybody knows, Doop Is. So I suppose that will have to be reason enough.

Now, I know some of you are going to look at this and think that Marvel are making fun of the sad-acts who use the internet to talk about comics. Here we have a group of losers, who can’t make it on their own, desperately clinging onto Marvel to provide them with some small semblance of dignity and power. Some of them are perverts, some of them are fat, and one of them is a furry. ISN’T THAT BASICALLY WHAT A MESSAGE BOARD IS?

Not really, no. And hilariously forced subtext aside from me aside, this is quite a fun start. It’s obviously the most cheese you’ve ever seen in the history of your life, but Hypno Hustler alone makes it worth watching. It’s sad that winning characters like DARKSTAR and HEPZIBAH have yet to appear, but maybe – just maybe – this could be the place to finally see the return of Peter Milligan’s finest creation…. RAIN BOY?

Probably not. More likely are appearances from Deadpool, Pixie, D-Man and Batroc The Leaper. Expect a full breakdown once episode 2 hits the net!