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THE WAIT
SCENE: A BUSY SUPERMARKET.
AT RISE: A LONG LINE UP OF PEOPLE WAIT TO PAY FOR THEIR GROCERIES.
FEMALE CUSTOMER
(to herself)
Would you believe how slow this cashier is? I probably could check out myself faster
MALE CUSTOMER BEHIND HER
They should open more cashes
FEMALE CUSTOMER
Sorry?
MALE CUSTOMER
They need more cashiers. Can’t open more cashes without cashiers. Only three on a holiday weekend doesn’t do it
FEMALE CUSTOMER
So true. I mean, you would think that they would have thought of that. I hate waiting
MALE CUSTOMER
Who likes it
(female customer searches the line ups)
FEMALE CUSTOMER
I just moved over here from the other line. This one looks like it was moving faster but now the other one is better. Always happens. Wherever I move, the other lines are faster
MALE CUSTOMER
From what I can see, there are hardly any people in the first cash
(they both look over to check it out)
FEMALE CUSTOMER
That’s only for eight items or less. I’ve got a lot more than that
MALE CUSTOMER
Maybe they would take you being that they’re so busy everywhere
FEMALE CUSTOMER
Don’t like to take advantage, not to mention that the customers with just a few items get really upset when you try to push in with a full shopping cart. Can't say I blame them. Tried that a while back and everyone turned on me. “Are you blind?” they all yelled, pointing to the 8 items or less sign accompanied by insults. Wasn’t worth it – very embarrassing. Anyway, I’d lose my place here in line. Hey…you wouldn’t be trying to move up faster in the line here…
MALE CUSTOMER
Just trying to be helpful
FEMALE CUSTOMER
Why don’t you try your luck at the first cash? Maybe you'll be luckier
MALE CUSTOMER
I’ll wait my turn. You were complaining
FEMALE CUSTOMER
Actually, I was talking to myself and you overheard me
MALE CUSTOMER
Sorry to butt in your private conversation with yourself
FEMALE CUSTOMER
Merely pointing out to myself that they need more cashiers
MALE CUSTOMER
And I agreed. No ulterior motive intended
FEMALE CUSTOMER
Sorry - I tend to get impatient in line ups. Here we want to give them our hard-earned cash and we have to wait to hand it over. Not that I would ever want to be a cashier...
(Throws her head back and looks at ceiling)
FEMALE CUSTOMER
Would you believe? Now they’re counting cash! This means another five minute delay at least
MALE CUSTOMER
Nothing we can do about it
FEMALE CUSTOMER
Why, why does this always happen to me? Why couldn’t they have waited until they finished checking out my food items first?
MALE CUSTOMER
A conspiracy for sure. Relax – getting all worked up won’t make things work faster
(answers his cell phone)
FEMALE CUSTOMER
On top of it all, they’ve put new cashiers on a day like today. I mean, really. Okay, they have to learn but today? Good - finished their cash count. Only one person in front of us, now. Should be out of here in five…maybe ten minutes at the most, for sure. I’ll just get ready to place my items here on the counter…they have some good specials today… I don’t believe it!
MALE CUSTOMER
Something wrong?
FEMALE CUSTOMER
Would you believe? There’s no price on some of her items and now they have to do a price check! That’s gonna put us back an extra ten minutes for sure. Is there no end to keep us customers waiting forever? (addresses customer in front of her) ‘Excuse me, but why didn’t you check your items before throwing them into your shopping cart? We've been waiting here for over fifteen minutes, y’know! Some of us have things to do, places to go.’
(male customer moves over to new cash that opens up)
(cont’d.) Hey! I was in front of you
MALE CUSTOMER
You were and now I’m in front of you, first in line. You snooze – you lose. Patience is a virtue
By: scriberess,
on 12/10/2014
Blog:
A. PLAYWRIGHT'S RAMBLINGS
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SCENES FROM LIFE: A SHORT PLAYETTE. AT THE MALL
SCENE: PARKING LOT OF A LARGE, BUSY MALL. BEFORE CHRISTMAS.
AT RISE: MR. AND MRS. EVERYBODY SEARCH FOR A PARKING PLACE
MRS. EVERYBODY
Told you we should have left earlier. Now there’s wall-to-wall cars. We’re never going to find a spot
MR. EVERYBODY Excuse me? Were you or were you not talking on the phone to Chloe for a good 45 minutes?
MRS. EVERYBODY First of all – it wasn’t 45 minutes and second of all, we had important things to discuss
MR. EVERYBODY Like what? Which stores have the best prices?
MRS. EVERYBODY So? Those are important things. Don’t you want me to save you money? Don’t you just love all the Christmas decorations?
MR. EVERYBODY Come again? How do you figure that buying stuff saves me money?
MRS. EVERYBODY
Well, take today for example. Everything in the mall, the entire mall mind you, is twenty-five percent off! This is a bigggg saving. If I hadn’t spoken to Chloe, I would never have know that. Listen – they’re playing Silver Bells over outdoor speakers. Don’cha just love that song? Puts you in a Christmas mood
MR. EVERYBODY Would I be going round and round if I did? We’ve been going in circles for so long, I’m getting dizzy. You mean the “spend-spend-spend” songs
MRS. EVERYBODY Try and get close to an entrance. You’re so cynical
MR. EVERYBODY You’re fussy where you want to park? Beggars can’t be choosers
MRS. EVERYBODY Let me put it another way. Try not to park fifty feet away in no-mans-land. It’s cold out
MR. EVERYBODY And let me make this perfectly clear. This car will turn in to wherever there’s an empty space
MRS. EVERYBODY You could at make an effort to look
MR. EVERYBODY And what am I doing now? As far as I can see, there are no empty parking spaces near a mall entrance, or anywhere else for that matter. Maybe we should just go home and forget about it…
MRS. EVERYBODY Not! And miss the sale of the year? Okay. How about this. One more time around and then you can go park in Siberia like always
MR. EVERYBODY One more time …here we go again…
MRS. EVERYBODY Stop! There’s a car pulling out. Quick – get over there or that guy is gonna grab it before us
MR. EVERYBODY It’s in the next line over. I’ll have to drive around. I’ll never make it
MRS. EVERYBODY Just put your foot on the gas and cut the car off!
MR. EVERYBODY This is not the wild west and I have no intention of being part of a showdown. If we don’t get it – we don’t get it
MRS. EVERYBODY Mr. Philosophical has spoken. Just…hurry! You’re not going fast enough! The other car is closing in from the other direction…
MR. EVERYBODY You are obsessed and possessed – you do realize that, right?
MRS. EVERYBODY We’re talking about a primo parking spot right near the front, no less! This is indeed our lucky day! You gotta be aggressive if you wanna grab a good place. Trust me. I know about these things.
MR. EVERYBODY You and your knowledge of parking spaces wouldn’t happen to know anything about the nice scratch in the front right fender by any chance, would you?
MRS. EVERYBODY I’m getting so forgetful these days. Y’see…last week, me and Chloe were here for the Fashion Flare Shop Going-Going-Gone Out of Business sale and there was a parking space and I was sure this car could fit but unfortunately, I misjudged the size of the spot against the size of the fender and like…the fender somehow ended up sliding against a cement pillar that was in my way. Why they put pillars in the middle of parking lots is a mystery, anyway. Hurry – that other car is getting ready to turn in!
MR. EVERYBODY Perhaps it’s a plot by the mall to get drivers like you to scratch your fenders against them. They’re light standards, FYI. Oh well - guess it matches the scratch on the left fender… Uh-oh both our cars are there at the same time. I’ll let the other car park. Doesn’t mean that much to me
MRS. EVERYBODY You’re just giving in? Hold your ground for a few minutes. Show the other car we mean business!
MR. EVERYBODY We’ll go to the back of the parking lot. Plenty of space there
MRS. EVERYBODY But…I’ll have to walk!
MR. EVERYBODY What’s this world coming to? You’ll have to walk a few extra feet. I mean, really…
MRS. EVERYBODY Open the window and let me speak to the driver and explain the situation. I’m sure he’ll understand and let us park
MR. EVERYBODY You’re not serious
MRS. EVERYBODY I’m very convincing.
(MRS. EVERYBODY opens the door and talks to the driver of the other car)
MRS. EVERYBODY ‘Hello – it looks like we both want the same parking spot. Could I, as a fellow citizen of this planet, prevail upon you to allow us to have this precious parking spot? As you probably know, there is a twenty-five-percent off sale and I have been waiting to buy these divine shoes that have finally been reduced and gone on sale… What? Of course ... I see… Have a good day.’
MRS. EVERYBODY (Cont’d.) Just drive. When something seems too good to be true, it usually is
MR. EVERYBODY What happened to your convincing sales personality?
MRS. EVERYBODY The woman sitting next to him has crutches. Broke her leg and ankle skiing so I couldn’t very well justify taking the spot given all the snow on the ground
MR. EVERYBODY You're all heart. You do know what that means -
MRS. EVERYBODY Siberia here we come… Know what? I got a great idea. Why don’t you leave me off in front of an entrance – any entrance - and park? Or better still, drive around for an hour or so and when I’m finished, I’ll call you on my cell phone and you can pick me up? Isn’t that a good idea? It’s a win-win for both of us. Right here will do…see you later…
(MRS. EVERYBODY gets out of the car and heads for the mall entrance)
MR. EVERYBODY (calling out of the car window)
Wait a minute! Hello? You have my cell! You forgot yours at home!
By: scriberess,
on 7/4/2014
Blog:
A. PLAYWRIGHT'S RAMBLINGS
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SCENES FROM LIFE: A SHORT PLAYETTE
THE CHERRY PICKER
by Eleanor Tylbor
SCENE: PRODUCE DEPT. OF SUPERMARKET. PEOPLE ARE GATHERED AROUND A DISPLAY OF CHERRIES
AT RISE: A WOMAN APPROACHES THE CHERRY DISPLAY, STOPS AND STUDIES THE PEOPLE GATHERED AROUND
FEMALE SHOPPER
Excuse me…um…can I get in here?
(people ignore her)
(cont’d). FEMALE SHOPPER Excuse me, people…could you make space for me?
(people continue to ignore her)
(cont’d.) FEMALE SHOPPER Hello? Earth to cherry pickers! An outsider would like to join you all!
(FEMALE SHOPPER moves her shopping cart forward and gently runs into someone)
CHERRY PICKER 1 Ouch! That hurt!
FEMALE SHOPPER I tried asking politely to get close to the counter but everyone seemed deaf to my request, so I had to take things in my own hands or with my shopping cart as the case may be
CHERRY PICKER 1 You could have tapped me on the shoulder, y’know
FEMALE SHOPPER Would it have made any difference?
CHERRY PICKER 1 Probably not but you could have tried
FEMALE SHOPPER Good price for cherries. Guess that’s why there’s so many people hanging out here. Hmmmm…where are the plastic bags. ‘Anybody tell me where the plastic bags are?’ Anyone want to give an opinion?
CHERRY PICKER 2 (mouth full of cherries and oozing juice)
…are…none…left… Have to…ask…manager for…more…bags
FEMALE SHOPPER Are those cherries you have in your mouth?
CHERRY PICKER 2 …uh-huh…
FEMALE SHOPPER Would it be presumptuous of me to assume you didn’t pay for them?
CHERRY PICKER 2 …hav’ta taste them, first…
FEMALE SHOPPER You do realize that in some circles that would be considered stealing
CHERRY PICKER 2 Everybody does it
FEMALE SHOPPER And that makes it right? What are you doing! Did you just spit out that cherry pit back into the display?
CHERRY PICKER 2 Yeah…I mean, I didn’t wanna dirty the floor or anything. Somebody could slip and hurt themselves. Anyway, everybody does it
FEMALE SHOPPER But…your saliva has germs, which you are depositing on the cherries
CHERRY PICKER 2 What else am I supposed to do with the pits?
FEMALE SHOPPER You could refrain from tasting the cherries or at the very least put them in your pocket and take them home with you or something
CHERRY PICKER 2 Everyone else is doing it. Check out the display
(FEMALE SHOPPER looks down at the display of cherries)
FEMALE SHOPPER Oh Gawd! |You’re right! To think I was about to put my hand inside there
CHERRY PICKER 2 You’re in luck. Here comes the produce manager with a roll of new plastic bags
PRODUCE MANAGER ‘Okay everyone - move aside! I’m gonna clean up all the cherry pits at the bottom! Not healthy.’
CHERRY PICKER 2 Aren’t you going to take a bag for cherries?
FEMALE SHOPPER Somehow I’ve lost my taste for them. There’s a sale on strawberries on the other counter, if only I can get near it…
By: scriberess,
on 4/26/2014
Blog:
A. PLAYWRIGHT'S RAMBLINGS
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MILEY AND THE WALMART LADIES
Sometimes, a playwright is privy to a conversation that just begs to be written. Okay. Perhaps
begs is too strong but this was over-heard while standing in line in Walmart (no less) waiting to pay for some items. It went something like this.
SCENE: WALMART. Long line up of people waiting to pay.
THE CAST:SALLY (60-ish female)FLO (80-ish female) and mother of SALLYSALLY
Lot of people today, mom. We're gonna have to wait a bit
FLO
People always seem to shop at Walmart when it rains. I wonder why
SALLY
Nothing better to do, I guess
FLO
Uh-huh...maybe...
(SALLY's attention is on the magazines located in the check-out aisle. She shakes her head)SALLY
Sad...really sad
FLO
What?
SALLY
Miley Cyrus
FLO
Who?
SALLY
Miley Cyrus
(SALLY points to photo of Miley Cyrus on magazine cover)SALLY
You know Miley Cyrus...
FLO
Who?
SALLY
The singer?
FLO
Name sounds familiar...
SALLY
Remember she used to be in Disney movies? Such a sweet thing she was. Sad...
FLO
Is she dead?
SALLY
No - but if she doesn't change her life style, she could be
FLO
Oh...
SALLY
She was in the hospital, y'know
FLO
She sick I suppose?
SALLY
Yeah...could say that. The girl exposes herself
FLO
She's not wearing a lot of clothes. Perhaps she susceptible to colds
SALLY
I read somewhere that she has a heart murmur
FLO
Didn't know that. My friend, Phyllis has heart problems - so does Arthur... They take a lot of pills, especially the pink one's with a heart on it? Everyone I know takes them.
SALLY
Says here she was hospitalized for an allergic reaction to antibiotics. She probably over-dosed on drugs and they're just saying that to cover up
FLO
Arthur over-dosed on water pills. Couldn't stop peeing. Hadda go to the doctor. I told him, 'Arthur! Just put in a plug.' He didn't like my suggestion. Good. We're next in line
SALLY
Such a good girl, she was. Wonder what makes a girl like her suddenly do all that sexy stuff?
FLO
M-o-n-e-y!
SALLY
Her dad was Billy Ray Cyrus. Remember him? Achy-breaky heart guy?
FLO
They play that when we do line dancing at the Seniors Center. Lots of steps to remember but nobody cares when someone forgets, unless of course they trip somebody. Last week Sam forgot what direction he was supposed to go and Phyllis ended up with a sprained ankle.
SALLY
Oh well...hope Miley sees the light and gets normal again...
(replaces magazine back on stand)FLO
Aren't you gonna buy the magazine?
SALLY
Neh. I finished it waiting to pay for our stuff. Poor Miley...
FLO
Whatever...
SCENES FROM LIFE: A SHORT PLAYETTE
PLAYING IN THE POOL
SCENE: A SWIMMING POOL FILLED HALF WAY WITH FEMALES
INSTRUCTOR
We have a lot of people in the pool so spread out and give each other room
AQUA FITNESS PARTICIPANT (AFI)
Sorry - didn't mean to bump into you
AQUA FITNESS PARTICIPANT II (AFII)
No problem. Not much room to move around. Maybe some of us should go in the deeper water
AFI
Not me! I swim like a rock. Don't wanna be a headline in tomorrow's paper. "Woman drowns in deep end of pool during aqua fitness."
AFII
We're like sardines here!
AFI
Don't let me stop you from moving out further
AFII
Um...I'll just stay here
INSTRUCTOR
(jumping in water
Okay ladies - it's time to rock
AF1
(looking around)
Rock, huh... Okay...let's rock. Should we snap our fingers, too?
AFII
You don't have to do anything with your fingers. It's all in the leg movement
AFI
Actually that was a joke - obviously a weak one. You know...rock'n'roll music... Snap your fingers?
INSTRUCTOR
'Okay - left jog...center jog...right jog. Now cross-country moving forward...now backward...'
AFI
Don't know about you but I'm having trouble moving backwards while cross-country-ing facing the right...
AFII
Do what you can
AFI
I can't see her legs. Can you see her legs?
AFII
You don't have to see her what she's doing. Just follow her instructions
AFI
Maybe it's me but I have to see in addition to hear. Why doesn't she do exercise outside the pool on the deck?
(female climbs stairs to leave pool)
INSTRUCTOR
(smiling)
'Hey - where you going? This class ain't over!'
EXITING LADY
I have an appointment...
INSTRUCTOR
'That's what they all say! You're gonna miss a lot!'
(everyone laughs)
AFI
Like...that is soooo embarrassing! I mean, maybe she really did have an appointment
AFII
Oh she's just kidding! She always acts like that1
AFI
I dunno...
INSTRUCTOR
'Okay now we're gonna work on our upper thighs...'
AFI
Maybe it's me but I can't for the life of me figure out what she means
(turning to person on other side)
(Cont'd.) Do you mind if I watch your feet? I mean, I don't want you to think I'm a pervert or anything. I just can't follow the instructor
(woman ignores her)
(Cont'd) Ohmygawd - I'm exhausted. Maybe I should stop here...don't wanna tire myself out or anything... Yup. That's what I'm gonna do...
(Aside to AFII): 'Nice aqua-ing with you. Maybe we'll aqua fit together again'
(AFI starts to climb pool stairs)
INSTRUCTOR
Hey - you there! You're leaving me too? They all leave me in the end
(everyone laughs)
AFI
(to herself)
Maybe there's a reason for that...
INSTRUCTOR
Did you say something?
AFI
Look - I have to pee. We have a choice here. If I stay as you want me to and continue exercising, you can use your imagination as to what might or could happen. So now you make the choice. Do I stay or go?
INSTRUCTOR
Don't let us stop you
AFI
Thought you'd see it my way. 'Bye all. Remember to always keep your head above water'
AFI exits
