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Currently I am at the Melbourne Writers Festival and thus I am fielding many questions about writing and publishing. I noticed again that many of the questions unpublished writers ask are coming at it from the wrong end of the stick. Ally Carter calls this asking the wrong questions. For instance, after yesterday’s event an adult [...]

Laura Atkins recently gave a paper, “What’s the Story? Reflections on White Privilege in the Publication of Children’s Books,” at the IRSCL (International Research Society for Children’s Literature) congress. She’s calling for comments and suggestions from people involved with children’s publishing.

Her paper is here. You can leave comments and suggstions here.

Please don’t go over there to deny that white privilege exists because a) that’s simply not true and b) you’ll be derailing what’s already turning into a very useful conversation. Thank you.

Since everyone else is professing their love for Strange Horizons and urging folks to support their fund raising efforts I thought that I would jump on the band wagon. What can I say? I’m a sheep.

Like Scalzi and Nora, my first fiction sale was to Strange Horizons way back in 2001. At the time I had been trying to sell one of my short stories for just about a gazillion years. I thought it would never happen. So I would love them for that alone. But that is not even close to the best thing about Strange Horizons I love it and read it because it is a breath of fresh air in the stale and fusty world of adult genre. N. K. Jemisin puts it this way:

I love the speculative fiction genre, but it’s sick.¹ Not dying—that’s crap—but not healthy either. The problem is societal, but because SF is the genre of society’s idealism, the symptoms of the sickness tend to be more visible here than in mainstream fiction. The cure for this sickness is, IMO, for the genre to take some collective purgative and restorative measures, like jettisoning old business models that don’t work and old attitudes that are actively harmful, and try something new.

SH represents this newness. They’re a new-paradigm speculative fiction market in every sense of the word: online not print; nonprofit not commercial; collaborative and not One Single Editor’s vision; weekly not monthly/quarterly/whenever the people involved get around to it. They actively seek out voices within the SF community that don’t get heard enough, whether those voices be newbies or PoC or writers from non-Western countries or literary writers or socialists or whatever. The fact that they’ve managed to stick around this long, in an era when SF magazines are dropping like flies, speaks volumes to me about the sustainability of their model. They offer a desired service to the community, ergo they’re still in business. And the fact that their authors (and the magazine itself) keep winning awards speaks to the quality of their work.

This, to me, is what an SF magazine should be and do.

I love Strange Horizons diversity—in all senses of that world. So many adult genre anthos and magazines are the same voices over and over again. I quit reading them. I never know what I’m going to get when I read SH. That goes for the fiction as well as the non-fiction. It really is the best.

Do I think it’s perfect? No. For obvious reasons I wish they did a better job covering the world of Young Adult and children’s as well as manga and graphic novels. However, I’m well aware that they are an entirely volunteer organisation and they can’t do everything and what they do they do better than any other publication out there.

Bless you, Strange Horizons.

1. I actually don’t think the whole genre is sick. I agree that the adult literary wing of the genre is in trouble. Children’s and YA are doing great, manga and graphic novels ditto.

Lately I’ve read quite a few books people have been raving about and been really disappointed. So it was a relief to read two books that I loved, Sarah Rees Brennan’s Demon’s Lexicon and Coe Booth’s Kendra. Today I’ll be talking about DL, next week I’ll talk about the fabulously brilliant Kendra.

Demon’s Lexicon is told from the point of view of a sociopath. Nick does not get other people. He doesn’t understand what they’re thinking, why they do the things they do, or why they talk so much. He’s a classic case of a character who’s fabulous in a book but I would run a mile if I ran into him in real life. He has no qualms killing! This is not a quality I look for in my friends. Just saying . . .

Demon’s Lexicon is funny, fast-paced, packed with fabulous 3D characters and has some awesomely convincing world-building. I love me some magic that makes sense. I found it unputdownable. It’s my favourite fantasy I’ve read this year. I need want to read the sequel right now.

I have heard from a couple of people that they found it a little hard to get into. I have two responses:

1) People frequently find new books hard to get into. Scott’s even been told that Specials starts too slowly. It begins with a hoverboard raid on an illicit party. Things blow up! It is the opposite of slow. Similarly very exciting things happen in the first few chapters of Demon’s Lexicon. I suspect it just takes some people awhile to get started reading a new books. 2) DL may be a bit hard to get into because it takes a little while to adjust to Nick’s voice. But trust me, once you get into it you will love this book as much as I did. I know this because I already bullied a friend into reading past the first chapter and she loved it and thanked me for hassling her about finishing it. She now wants me to get her the sequel immediately. Even though I have it on good authority that the sequel exists only on Sarah Rees Brennan’s and her editor’s computers. My friend points out that I know both these people and could thus be all ninja-y and steal it. I pointed out to my friend that that would be wrong.

The other objection I’ve heard is to the cover. I’ll be honest I don’t like the US cover either. But books are not their covers. Authors have very little control over the covers of their books. We readers need to get over worrying about the cover. Seriously, readers speculate on which charcter is portrayed on the cover and how it relates to the the book and blah blah blah. But mostly covers are an image that sales & marketing think will sell the book. The cover artist rarely has time to read the books they illustrate. The author frequently isn’t consulted and if they are and don’t like the cover they are often ignored. Please, readers, let it go. Assume the cover has zip to do with the book. A hideous cover does not mean a bad book. Not does a genius cover mean the book will be brilliant.

Go forth and read Demon’s Lexicon!

Here’s Sarah talking about writing a sociopath. And here’s a prequel story that in no way spoils Demon’s Lexicon but is an excellent taste of what the book is like.

Enjoy!

If my brain wasn’t broken I would do some basic research to find out what research has been done on overloaded brains.

I get to a point when I’m writing a lot when I just can’t. My brain mushes. Sentences turn murky. Gibberish dribbles out of my mouth. My typing slows and the level of typoes skyrockets. Always means I’ve written too much and I have to stop.

I wonder what’s going on. Almost all my writer friends get the same thing. Is it just fatigue? Or is there something specific to writing going on?

Anyone got any theories? Seen any research on it?

I keep meeting published authors who wrote (or still write) fanfic before they tried writing original fiction. I know of folks who wrote (write) Star Trek, Buffy, Harry Potter, Sailor Moon, Supernatural and Naruto fanfic. And I’m sure lots of others I can’t remember.

I’ve never written fanfic. I didn’t hear about fanfic until long after I was already writing original fiction. And it never occurred to me on my own to write stories set in other people’s worlds. I’m slow that way.

How many of you write fanfic? What kind? How did you first hear about it?

Today I am engaged in very sekrit business, which I cannot tell you about so don’t ask. That’s what “sekrit” means, people. Something so very very secret and important that if you even ask what it is there will be dire consequences.

I’m leaving Cobweb here to keep an eye on you all and make sure you behave. She’s a squirrel glider who currently resides at Taronga Zoo with her sister, Moth.

They’re both vicious killers with a taste for human flesh, but Cobweb is by far the more vicious of the two. Trust me, you do not want to get on Cobweb’s bad side.

You have been warned!

Behold the face of a killer:

Just in case you didn’t see the link in the comments thread, I thought I would repost Cristina’s very droll reworking of the cover for Maureen Johnson’ Suite Scarlett.

Because I find it deeply disturbing I place it below the cut:

Ever since I first started learning about publishing I’ve been hearing that the majority of the books published by legitimate publishing house don’t earn out. But I’ve never seen any concrete evidence to back this claim up. Since I started learning about children’s & young adult publishing I’ve been hearing that the majority of their books do earn out. I’ve heard the same about the romance genre.

As far as I know no publisher releases what percentage of their books earn out. All we have to go on is anecdotal evidence.

I’m starting to wonder whether this oft quoted stat—sometimes it’s 7 out of 10 don’t earn out; other times it’s 9 out of 10—is solely about adult publishing. Because the same people who’ve told me (at several diff imprints and publishing houses) that the majority of their kids books earn out, look at the adult half of their businesses and roll their eyes. “I don’t know how that’s sustainable,” they’ll say.

Does this mean that it’s the majority of adult trade publishing that fails to earn out and not the majority of all books.

I would love to hear from people in the publishing industry. Do the majority of the books you publish earn out? If they don’t are the majority of them profitable for you even though they aren’t for the authors? And what about agents? What percentage of the books you sell earn out?

I totally encourage anonymity.

Update: For those asking what “earn out” means: Typically when a publisher buys a book they pay the author what’s called an “advance.” Say, the author is paid $1,000. They will not get any further money from the publisher until the earnings of the book are greater than $1,000. For each book the author gets a percentage of the book’s sale price usually somewhere between 6-15% (depending on what format and some other factors). So at 10% of a $20 cover price the author has to sell 500 copies to earn $1000. For every book sold after those first 500 you’re earning $2 a book. Hope that makes sense.

I don’t know if any of you have noticed but there are quite a few covers in YAland that look alike. Lately there have been so many covers with girl’s faces that I admit I’ve been a little concerned that the US cover of Liar will get lost. But people have been reassuring me that it’s different to the other girl face covers, that it will pop.

Then someone anonymously emailed me the image you see below. Apparently it’s the cover of a forthcoming Maureen Johnson book.

Am I being oversensitive in thinking it looks more than a bit like the US Liar?

You can be honest with me. Do you see any similarities between this:

And this:

What do you think?

Are they the same? Could it have been done on purpose? Or maybe the two designers just happened to use the same stock photo?

Yesterday I said yes to an offer to publish Liar in complex Chinese from Taiwanese publishing company, Sharp Point. They also publish such obscure books as Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight series, Scott Westerfeld’s Uglies books, Garth Nix’s Key To The Kingdown series, as well as Lian Hearn’s Otori trilogy. Pretty sellar company, eh?

This is the first foreign language sale for Liar. I am dead excited. Can’t wait to see what cover it gets in Taiwan. I am hoping that Liar will be a many covered book.

If you look at the left sidebar you’ll see that the Oz & USian covers of Liar have been added. So that I’m not seen to be favouring one publisher over the other they will randomly switch back and forth. Sometimes the Oz Liar will be in front and sometimes the USian Liar. Thank you, Stephanie!

Some of my writer friends are going barking mad waiting for their books to come out. Especially the newbies. I have decided the only solution is for the world’s mad scientists to drop whatever they’re working on¹ and instead invent a brain patch that stops the thinking-bout-next-book-coming-out part of the brain.

Could you do it now-ish, please? Some of my friends are OUT OF CONTROL.

I, of course, am completely sane and rational as I wait for Liar to come out.

1. Turning us all into twitttering pod people, taking over the world’s supply of mangosteens, turning the lakes of Canada purple etc. etc.

I wasn’t going to mention Maureen Johnson’s Blog Every Day Month (BEDA) thingie because I already blog every day and think those who don’t already are losers lucky not to be addicted to blogging the way I am. Seriously I shake if I don’t blog once a day. The only days I miss are when Scott drags me away to some benighted place without intramanet access. He claims these are “holidays” and I should be having “fun” on them. Where is the fun without my blog?

*Heh hem* I digress.

The point of this post is to publicly admit that what Maureen is doing this month is pretty amazing. See, Maureen doesn’t blog the way I do. Her shortest posts clock in at around one thousand words. I have posts that are in Twitter range. So my once-a-day blogging is not the same as her once-a-day epic essay + photos of Cary Grant.

What she’s doing is more akin to what I did in January when I answered all your writing questions and you tricked me by asking really hard ones that required acres of wordage to respond to. I got very little of my own writing done that month and by the end of it I was knackered. Don’t get me wrong I had fun but it was not as relaxing as my usual blogging. Youse lot made me THINK! Which is why it will be a very long time before I dedicate a month to answering publishing questions.¹ Perhaps next time it’ll just be a week and I’ll stipulate that you can only ask yes/no questions.

So, I’m sorry for being mean, Maureen! Blog like the wind!²

1. Which in January I foolishly mentioned I would.
2. In a non-flatulent way.

I was a little taken aback recently to meet an author who kept quoting their own work in support of their arguments. Seemed to me they were writing tickets. Um, really you’re quoting you to prove your points? Isn’t that redundant? Oh, look, I agree with me. How surprising!

But mostly I was weirded out because I couldn’t quote anything from any of my books even if you threatened to kill me if I didn’t start reciting stat. Who memorises their own books? I mean other than the writer I just met who does.

I put it to the test and asked a bunch of my writer friends if they could quote any of their work. Cassandra Clare and Robin Wasserman were easily able to rattle off opening lines of several of their books. Especially Robin who recited the whole opening paragraph of Skinned. Maureen came up with the opening of Scarlett Fever, which she happens to be working on right now.¹ But she was also able to quote some choice lines of dialogue from less recent books. Scott can quote the opening of Uglies but, honestly, who can’t? I mean even I know that one.

But me? I cannot recite a single line from my own work.

So what about you other writers? Can any of you quote your own work? Can any of you recite beyond the opening lines? Am I a freak with the crappest memory ever?² Do any of you think it’s kosher to quote yourself in a discussion?

Oh wait: “I have a parking fairy.” There. I quoted a line. Yay, me! Not sure what arguments I’ll win with it though.

1. No, I can’t quote the opening of my 1930s book. It keeps changing, okay?
2. It is true that I’ve been known to forget names of characters in my book. My fans know my books way better than I do.

Remember way back on Wednesday when I previewed the Oz cover of my next novel, Liar? Well, now it’s time to have a squizz at what my publisher in the US of A came up with. This cover was so well received by sales and marketing at Bloomsbury that for the first time in my career a cover for one of my books became the image used for the front of the catalogue. Front of the catalogue! One of my books! Pretty cool, huh?

Apparently all the big booksellers went crazy for it. My agent says it was a huge hit in Bologna. And at TLA many librarians and teenagers told me they adore this cover. In fact one girl said she thinks the US cover of Liar is the best cover she’s ever seen! Wasn’t that sweet of her?

So here it is, the USian cover of Liar:

It was designed by Danielle Delaney the genius responsible for the paperback cover of How To Ditch Your Fairy. Have I mentioned that’s my fave cover I’ve ever had?

Here’s hoping this cover helps Liar fly off the shelves in North America!

What do youse lot think?

I know I said a while back that I would no longer be linking to reviews of my books. I’m making an exception today for the the very first review of Liar because I’m so grateful that Jenn Hartley’s review contains no spoilers. Bless you, Jenn.

Liar is the most complicated book I’ve written to date. It’s my first attempt at a psychological thriller and contains many twists and turns. I’m convinced that reading it will be a lot more interesting if you don’t know any of them ahead of time. I’d be really grateful if those of you who have an advanced copy would keep those reversals and surprises to yourself. If you’re bursting to talk about it you can always email me. Or Maureen Johnson she’s read it.

I know some people love to be spoiled but maybe you could just whisper a few spoilers in their ears rather than post it on your blogs? I really would be ever so grateful.

Thank you!

It says that I don’t have ARCs on the contact page. You know, the same contact page you have to go to in order to write and ask me for the ARCs I do not have. *head desk*

Let me put it another way:

I DON’T HAVE ANY ARCs

The contact page also tells you who does have ARCs. Yes, right at the top of the contact page.

But please remember: publishers don’t give ARCs out to everyone. There’s only a small number so they have to be selective. It’s one of those “while supplies last” things.

Bloomsbury will be giving more away at IRA, ALA, and BEA.

Sorry to sound snippy but I’m getting way too many of these requests and I don’t have time to respond. I’m busy! I’ve got copyedits to check, 1930s research to do, my next novel to write, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I’m swamped!

I am thrilled that so many people want to read Liar. It’s truly wonderful. I can’t wait for you guys to read it either. I’m really enjoying hearing people start to talk about Liar and argue about what really happens. THOUGH DON’T SPOIL IT FOR OTHERS. If you really are bursting to talk about it but no one around you has read it: write to me. I’d love to hear from you.

Here’s hoping this enthusiasm to read the book is still going strong when the real proper book version of Liar publishes in October! Only six months away! How did that happen?

*Goes back to copyedits.*

As you were.

I shall be brief for the internets is expensive and wobbly.

Organisation: superlative. The PWF crew know that authors are a hapless lot and they have kept us on course and on time. Why, I have not gotten lost or been late for a single event. Bless them all!

I have met too many wonderful writers to name them all but I particularly enjoyed meeting Barry Jonsberg and his wife Nita who love the cricket as much as I do. There was much discussion of the South Africa v Australia and West Indies v England tests that are currently unfolding.

For the first time in my career I wound up talking to under twelve year olds as opposed to over twelve year olds, which was dead interesting. I was asked many questions that I’ve never been asked before. Also my jokes that knock ‘em dead when they’re a bit older did not always fly with the younger set. Fortunately, they laughed at many jokes that hitherto only I have found funny. It made me really want to write a book that skews even younger than How To Ditch Your Fairy. It will involve quokka.

Thanks to everyone who came out to see me. Thanks for the great questions and comments and stories of your fairies and curses. I especially loved the girl who has a sunshine fairy.

And now (for me) it is over and I wend my way back home. Later!

So, this is very weird but I’ve had three people write to ask if it’s true that I changed hotels in Perth in order to watch the South Africa v Australia test.

Yes, it’s true. The Duxton did not have Fox 3, the Hyatt did. What else could I have done?

It’s pretty bad, isn’t it, that one of my favourite aspects of my 1930s NYC/USA research is the hilarious names I keep coming across.

Exhibit A: Rexford Tugwell.

Readers, I admit that I laughed for about half an hour. And then I made the mistake of telling Scott about Monsieur Tugwell. More laughter.

For the record, Mr Tugwell was a dead interesting bloke. A member of Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s Brain Trust and thus a key contributor to the New Deal.

And yet, REXFORD TUGWELL!!!!

Knowing how to drive may or may not be useful, come the apocalypse; but it’s a skill that is one part “action causes machine to react” and one part “and I do not freak out when reaction causes results.” It’s not the driving that’s the important part of that, but the willingness to climb into/onto an unfamiliar machine and not pee your pants when you find the gas pedal.

I’m pretty well doomed–nobody will need to find books (or know musical theatre trivia) after the apocalypse.

i don’t know what’s sadder. the fact that i have absolutely no useful skills and am clearly doomed come doomsday…or the fact that I’m too lazy to acquire any in the meantime.

I think it would depend on the situation. If the maurading nasties have guns themselves, one might be necessary more than karate chops would be.
And if wilderness skills are what’s required, you will not be alone in being doomed. Us urbanites know a lot less than we think about the woods. Most people know not to eat funny-looking mushrooms or too-bright shiny berries, but there must be some that are edible. And I don’t think I could ever manage to kill and skin an animal. I can barely squish spiders. Would cockroaches survive this apocalypse of yours?

I think what we nerdy types have in our arsenal that is frequently undervalued is a reservoir of knowledge gleaned from endless books and movies about how to survive apocalypses.
For example, should a zombie apocalypse occur, I’d know what to do, what to avoid, and consequently stand a greater chance to survive than somebody who’s unprepared, has no strategy or understanding of the risks involved. Would I be scared silly? Of course–but I’d know not to wade into a crowd of zombies shooting randomly, or to hole myself up in a basement, or any other number of such tactics that are doomed to failure.

So–chins up! If everything goes to pot, we can at least consider ourselves trained for what comes next!

Funny you should bring up this topic right now. I just laid down “life as we knew it”, the apocalyptic YA novel everyone’s talking about, and I just KNOW that if there’s ever a civilization collapse of that magntiude - or hell, even lesser magnitude - I’m so screwed that you wouldn’t believe it. I’m childless (and probably too old to consider having any or surviving the experience if I do; I am utterly dependent on electricity (we have a fireplace where we live but no firewood and the chimney is permanently blocked up and there’s trees leaning ON the chimney so if we tried using the thing we’d probably set off a major fire and burn ourselves down); even if I had something to cook on or boil water on I have no idea how to forage in the wild, hunt things, or prepare for dinner things that don’t come from a supermarket; we have no water supply other than municipal and we already tasted THAT when our pipes froze a few winters back. I have no medical skills except basic first aid, we have no stockpiled ANYTHING at all beyond a few days, and I can’t even wear shoes on bare feet for more than an hour before getting raw blisters so walking somewhere farther than a couple of blocks would be disastrous. And yes, I can drive, but how far can I get on a tankful of gas? Not very…

So come the apocalypse… goodbye cruel world, I guess.

My only potentially apocalypse-defying skill is the ability to untangle almost any knot. If anyone else can provide other skills (like food acquisition or medical care) I’ll be open to bartering.

I’m seeing a great future for you as the matriarch of an Elvis cult.

I’m not discounting the knowledge of driving, but I think knowing how to drive a tank/plane/helicopter might prove more useful in apocalyptic circumstances. Heck, even a mack truck. Or a Hummer. If all you can drive is your automatic transmission hatchback, you’re no better than a taxi-taker.

Still, my money is on the first aid hunter-gatherer types.

Thank god my husband can sail.

In the event of zombie apocalypse, I doubt how *well* you drive will matter. Who’s going to pull you over and ticket you? Will it really be a big deal if you swerve a lot, or drive on the sidewalk? Anyone can turn the key, stomp on the gas and go. As long as you avoid driving headfirst into trees, buildings or telephone poles, you should be fine.

Oh, but you forgot, “Being so awesome that you’re saved by the will of divine forces.”

One can only hope!

It might be a good idea to make friends with people we (at least I) made fun of a few years ago. You know the ones…those Y2K maniacs who were so sure the world as we knew it would end at midnight of 12-31-99. They would know how to prepare and survive…if only they weren’t so crazy.

Failing to make those friendships, I can make a fire, I can build shelter (or at least I could as a kid) and I can make furniture from sticks (did it for a class a couple years ago) I can cook, but can’t kill. I also have a bit of a sense of direction.

Have we set a date? Should I start stealing the outdoor survival books from my library (which I run so I’d have to overcome my librarian tendency of returning them by the due date)? We are a family that loves camping and we live in a rural area. We’d fare better than some, especially those living in large cities.

I think my reading of adventure books/watching of disaster movies will be of service to me.

I hope.

I’ve also done a lot of camping/hiking. I don’t know everything, but I think I could do okay in the woods or mountains.

I hope.

I would not want to be using anything melee-ranged against zombies. If they adhere to normal zombie conventions, they would be extremely contagious, so I would very definitely NOT be using martial arts against them unless I had on a biohazard suit. The same goes for knives, clubs, swords, and to a lesser extent, shotguns. Pikes or other long-range weapons are too susceptible to getting a corpse stuck on them, as well as being unwieldy in emergency close-range usage. Therefore, I would prefer a bow above everything else, assuming adequate arrow supply and that the zombies can be killed by an arrow through the brain. A crossbow is overkill and too slow to reload, so I would rather have a good gun than a crossbow, despite the noise.

Personally I have no desire to survive an apocalypse. Any type of life that involves the lack of flush toilets and hot showers has little appeal (note, some people regularly train for such a life… I think they call it “camping”). Given a choice, I’d rather know the date in advance and throw a serious kicker of a party at ground zero the night before.

Funny, my staff and I have this discussion on occasion. Many of them have useful skills (blacksmithing; knitting; fighting with swords, etc). Me? Not so much. But I figure there’s got to be a place for someone who will dig ditches/gather firewood/catelogue resources. I could do that.

Although like Brent, above, I have no overwhelming desire to live in a world devoid of working plumbing, fair trade chocolate and evolving libraries. I mean, what’d be the point?

My house is fortified for zombie defense. As soon as I get the solar panels, I should be all set.

SCORE. Martial artist here. I have one skill that will keep me alive! Aside from the willingness to use one first grader as a weapon against other first graders. Which I learned from some online quiz or another, and is really neither here nor there. Still, this gives me a leg up on starting a crazy survivor’s enclave in the postapocalyptic wild.

I agree that cars will be out. The transport of choice will no doubt be bicycles… so I suggest learning to ride now if you haven’t already done so.

I think being fit and strong for sure. I think being practical, logical and sensible will also be essential… unfortunately I am none of those things. I am doomed!

I know a teensy-tiny bit of first aid and enough about sewing to make/repair clothes (uh… from a pattern…I’m SURE there will still be sewing patterns after the apocalypse, right?). But I’m sure if I can someone journey from the city to my parents’ home upstate, I’ll be fine. They know how to, like, wood work and build stuff, and my mom actually spins and weaves. Like, on a spindle and a loom. They will totally be prepared for the end times.

I know how to make a pinewood derby car.

Rolling your tongue as in speaking Spanish? Huh. I was wondering what was the expression for that in English. My legs are reasonably strong but my arms are two useless things. I SUPPOSE I sorta know first aid, at least nothing too serious. Conclusion? We’re screwed.

A winter in NZ has enabled me to be a wicked fire-maker with damp wood and no form of petroleum-based material. And I can knit. But there are a lot of steps between the sheep and the jumper that I’m hazy on; effectively the changing it from fat and greasy and daggy to thin and spinny and yarny. I’m screwed with the rest of all y’all.

Ouch. Why can’t driving a car be on the list of survival skills? Because otherwise all I have going for me is what I remember from high school first aid classes. And what one learns from watching too much Robin Hood, and that really says something, doesn’t it? Thankfully my family would be a more useful, so I might not be completely doomed.

I’m personally hoping if anything goes terribly wrong, it’ll be a flood, since I live on a hill…

I know which bits of a prickly pear cactus are edible! That’s a little double-sided, though, seeing as it means the only place I can find my own food is in the desert, which is also one of the places I’d be least likely to survive, what with the heat and lack of water…

~Mary

Gabrielle: Nope, that’s rolling your “r”s which I can also do. I meant like curling it. It’s something that only people with the correct gene for it can do. My mum can’t do it but my dad and sister can. It is useful for NOTHING.

I think survival for a small girl like me would be acting like a mouse. You know, all sneaky and able to hide in small places. I would steal food from run down grocery stores and have a little nest under ground or in a tree. Eventually I would grow all feral, and meet other feral mouse people. We’d be some of the only survivors and some where along the line spawn a population that can co-exist with the zombies, or what have you. This new population would be smaller than the normal human, around 4 feet, and would learn to live underground…kinda like a hobbit!
So yeah, I’m so ready!

My first thought was, Doomed. Am definitely doomed. But then I remembered I can still recall some edible plant identification jiggery from Oregon Trail, version 3. Yes!

Liset: I think yours is the best plan of all.

I think guns would be usefull to some extent. They could always be used as a last resort. Even if it was for intimidation, you could have a gun that’s out of ammo and point it at someone, but they wouldn’t know it’s empty.

Personally, I don’t think I would last long, unless someone’s needed to build a campfire. I know a little bit about the outdoors, but probably not enough to survive for a long time.

Guns would be about as useful as cars, because for modern ones, you can’t make your own ammunition. (Yes, you can assemble it, but you still get the parts from a catalogue. And it’s kind of tricky and possibly fatal if you do it wrong.)

Crossbows are really easy to fire, and I can make flint arrowheads (yes! The archaeology would finally be useful!) but I don’t know how to build a crossbow. I do, however, have woodworking (with hand-tools yet!) and blacksmithing skillz, so given a book on crossbow construction…

I can also spin (badly, but I’d get better with more practice,) knit and weave, but someone else has to shear the sheep. (Washing, carding, dyeing with natural dyes, also covered. And dressmaking.)

And I can make pottery. Including knowing which bit of that riverbank is useable clay.

So I guess I’d be a bit good to have around, really.

OMG.

Leave the internet for a few days and what happens.

I know you’re at peace with being Apocalypse-fodder, Justine, but if my Neutrino-powered Hypersonic Scramjet with VTOL (patent pending) is ready in time and there IS an apocalypse, I’ll happily move you and your loved ones to a comfortable, car-free place of safety after I stop off to pick up Scalzi and a few others on the way.

Escrow closes Sunday* on an island fortress where you can continue to write in the lap of luxury while being served high-end food by a small army of gourmet chef from Per Se who will be otherwise out of work because most people will only want to eat BRAINS!

You pick the wine.

p.s. Yes, I really do have a predetermined Apocalypse pick up list. Doesn’t everyone?!? I mean, come on. No one wants to survive these thing alone, right?

p.p.s. * That’s Sunday, September 10, 2017.

I already have plans to run a Vitamin C supply service by growing cranberries, come the apocalypse.

I think you just need to find a niche! My niche = Vitamin Overlord.

I know I commented before, but I just finished The Last Days by you know who and my new conclusion on apocalypse survival is:
start a band to kill the zombie monsters who come to listen to it! Now we’re all saved.

btw, Justine- is there a reason the driver in that book is named Elvis? Just a thought.

All hail The Vitamin Overlord! Hurrah! Hurrah!

How may I do your bidding?As for world saving band, that’s awesome! I just want to drive the tour bus and sing ‘Tiny Dancer’.

Just curious, Justine.

What do you think are the top 5 currently well-paying professions rendered MOST useless in an apocalypse?

Day traders? Corporate lawyers? Non-Zombie Killing Rock Star? There are tons to choose from, I am sure.

Thoughts?

Seriously, there’s no such thing as a Non-Zombie Killing Rock Star…

Only those rockstars that haven’t killed zombies yet…

Who kills zombies better:

Ozzy Osbourne or Alice Cooper? Vince Neil or Brett Michaels?
Mick Jagger or Pete Townsend? Bono or Michael Stipe?
Marilyn Manson or Trent Reznor?John Melloncamp or Tom Petty? Madonna or Gwen Stefani? Prince or Kanye?

I sense a zombie-killing super group in the offing.

Prince does not kill zombies. Prince does not need to kill zombies. Prince has girls who kill zombies for Prince.

Facts suggest Prince may indeed kill zombies in a more hands on fashion–not because he needs to–but because he may enjoy the athleticism involved.

‘Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories” suggests that Prince has been known to play a mean game of b-ball in addition to being an excellent maker of pancakes. Two skill we know, when combined, make for mean zombie fightin’ ability.

Of course, there’s no argument that zombie-fighting chicks are cooler because, well, you know?

Chicks are awesome!

Justine: Haha, that’s even more useless than rolling your “r”s. XD It is a great talent though. Also, “rolling your r’s” is the exact translation of what we say in French. Which is unusual and kinda weird.

I feel much better about my survival chances after reading this. Actually, apocalypse survival has come up a lot on blogs I read in the last few weeks. Huh.

Well, I think it depends what kind of “apocalypse” we’re talking about, and whether we’re talking about short-term or long-term survival.

I mean in a proper apocalypse, like a major asteroid impact, all skills are useless. Whereas in a “bird flu outbreak with a two-week wave of infection with 95% fatality” mini-apocalypse, the important factors are 1) hypochondria and 2) a well-stocked larder.

Driving a car could be useful in certain initial short-term get-the-hell-out-of-dodge scenarios, depending on where you live, whether the roads are jammed, and whether you correctly guess which way the wind is blowing the fallout plume…

However in a worldwide apocalypse, car-driving definitely has limited utility.

If by “apocalypse” you mean something potentially survivable but unpleasant like “losing all the fancy technological toys we’ve developed in the past 500 years”, and you happen to be lucky enough to survive the inital cull, then I think being a storytelling extrovert could be highly useful. That and subsistence farming.

(raises hand!)

Another one over here.

The Seattle Storm would *so* win the 2003 WNBA title! Sadly for them, it is 2008, and, well, not so much now.

Swin Cash comes back to Detroit tomorrow. That’s going to be so weird.

I’m an introverted extrovert. Make of it what you will.

~Mary

I bet you’re all ENFPs on the MBTI test.

http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFP.html

“Unlike other Extraverted types, ENFPs need time alone to center themselves”

Let’s not forget the misanthropic extroverts — just because you get along with people, doesn’t mean you like them. (Then there’s me, misanthropic introvert…maybe I’m lucky I’m not living in a cave in the mountains somewhere.)

According to Myers & Briggs, the Introvert/Extravert function is named for how a person draws energy. For instance, my Myers-Briggs personality type is INFJ, which is described as the most extraverted of introvert types. I’m really social, bubbly, chatty, and love being around people, but ultimately, to “recharge my batteries” (so to speak), I need to be alone, hence why I am an introvert. For other people, my fiance for example, he is generally a man of few words, preferring to listen than to speak in social gatherings. However, he is an ESTP, which is an extraverted personality because he derives his energy from being with people.

I like the look of that ENFP assessment. Maybe I will finally knuckle down and do an MBTI after all. But if I don’t get what I think I am, if I’m an ENFP I can kick it out, right?
Lazy extrovert sounds just about right, JL.

Maybe I should say that a Lazy Extrovert will likely come back as any one of the four ‘NFs’, but to some degree, these are like astrological signs. They are generic enough that you’ll see something of yourself in any of them.

I tend to fall into either and ENFP or ENFJ when I take the tests, though I can tell when I am on a question that would affect my E and J, so I COULD be any of the NFs. And of course, someone once told me that an ENFP often has trouble detemining whether they are a P or a J, so I guess I am likely an ENFP.

MBTI charts are great for helping to understand characters who do not think/make decisions like you do.

What about a fake extrovert? I’m naturally an introvert, but I’ve learned to fake being an extrovert when needed.

The question, as some folks have said in long-form, isn’t whether you enjoy going out and socializing, it’s whether or not that activity leaves you feeling energized and excited, or tapped out and ready for bed.

If the former: extrovert. If the latter: introvert.

I think we spend to much time and energy labeling ourselves and others. Most people are more complicated then that. I can be introverted - I can be extroverted. Both are genuine qualities of me. And all of it is of course perception which is by definition subjective.

Actually, I think Justine’s post is a perfect example of why introverts work so hard to label themselves. Extroverts truly don’t understand what extended socializing does to an introvert and then label it as “rubbish.” I love social activities, I can speak in front of large groups, even work retail, but if I don’t get the time to myself I need to resettle my brain, I become batshit crazy in seconds.

It would be nice if extroverts understood introverts a bit better. Then we wouldn’t have to defend ourselves to our own friends.

I love social activities, I can speak in front of large groups, even work retail, but if I don’t get the time to myself I need to resettle my brain, I become batshit crazy in seconds.

Oh god, yes.

It would be nice if extroverts understood introverts a bit better. Then we wouldn’t have to defend ourselves to our own friends.

OH GOD, YES.

this might be a reason to move you from the cozy couch:

i bought mangosteens in my grocery store yesterday. perhaps, as a mangosteen fancier, you’re already aware they are finally available in the us. as someone introduced to mangosteens via your blog, i jumped on them, shook my case of four in the air, and cried, “yes! they are real!” they were also delicious. melissa’s produce is the company importing them–irradiated–from thailand. i had one; it was delicious.

Actually, Justine, you’re a lazy extrAvert. ExtrOvert is a misspelling. I suppose if people pronounced the word properly, they wouldn’t misspell it

Graham: Dunno who your spelling authority is but mine’s the OED which is totally fine with that spelling of the word. So’s the American Merriam-Webster. There are two variants: I prefer “extrovert” to “extravert”. I’m sorry your mileage varies.

I could use and extra vert. I keep misplacing mine. If I have an extra one laying around, I’d be much happier and more sociable.

What color is your vert?

Hi Justine. My spelling of extravert comes from my undergraduate days as a psychologist in the 1970s. In those days, quite a while after Carl Jung used the term around 1920, but very soon after Eysenk brought it into common parlance in the late 1960s, there wasn’t any other way to spell it.

Dictionaries, I find, simply follow common usage - and that drifts, as we know. I suspect the way introvert/extravert breaks the symmetry people would normally expect is the main reason one of them had to start changing. I suppose I should try to keep up with how people are spelling things these days and not just assume they’ve got it wrong if things have changed over the past 30 years. So, sorry about that.

I’m actually quite anal about etymology (to shift from Jung to Freud for a moment) and I hate it when the history of a word is lost because people don’t understand it, don’t value it, or simply want English to be more phonetic than it is. A word’s etymology is the history of the word, it shows how people constructed it, where it came from, and how its meaning has shifted over the years. A word that retains its original spelling can often tell us what it means in a way a modified or modernised spelling cannot. ‘Extravert’ came from the German word extraviert and was constructed from the Latin roots extra and vertere.

I know no-one likes this kind of pedantry anymore but aren’t writers supposed to love language? Don’t you just hate it when you’re in a minority of one?

Graham.

I don’t post word counts, but I did find the answers to your question very interesting. I do, on the other, occasionally whinge >.<. In part I do it (hopefully not too often!) because it’s part of the process that we all go through, and I think it makes it clear that people who are struggling in the not-yet-published dark areas are struggling in many of the same ways as people who are published.

… but, you know, it’s possible that I just come across as whiny >.<.

Michelle: You don’t at all come across that way. I really enjoy and get a lot out of the way you talk about writing. I think I’m just being neurotic about this one and superstitious about talking too much about work before it’s finished.

BTW I loved your comparison of being a mother with being a writer.

I think your problem with the side bar poll is there are simply too many hateful things on it. I thought to myself, “Self, you hate espadrilles too, go make Justine happy and vote against them.” But when I got here, there were too many things I hated on the list, and I couldn’t decide. (Ultimately, I went with shrugs because I hate them so much that anything else would have been a lie. Except maybe formal shorts.)

I’m with Celia; too many icks to choose from in the poll.

Flying giant woolly squirrels playing badminton with quokkas!

Those poor quokkas. I admire them stepping in to replace the birdies, but really…

What are shrugs?
I choose low riders because they not only look bad, but they can actually distort a woman’s figure if worn too often, or if (scary thought) a girl started wearing them at a young age.

I think I love you for hating pretty much all the awful fashion I hate. XD “Pregnancy dresses and tops on the non-pregnant” people DO that?!

Elodie: not only do people do that, but I actually capitalized on it during my last pregnancy.

Although, to be fair, it’s just meant to be floaty and empire-waisted; women are not (so far as I know) actually storming Motherhood for this stuff.

(For the record, I voted formal shorts. Woman up and wear a skirt! It’s a billion times more flattering, anyway!)

You mean I have to choose? Between all these awful things?

Hmm, I wouldn’t have had the slightest problem if ponchos had been on the list.

(Actually, I like espadrilles. But only as beach/pool wear. They’re about as classy as flip flops.)

I hate espadrilles. But I hate low riders more.

I cannot escape the fauxternity tops and dresses! They’re EVERYWHERE. I happen to like my teeny little waistine, and would like people to see it’s there. It was a tough choice though, because I also dislike Ugg boots, leggings and ballet flats with similar vehemance. Oh the humanity…

Well, I just got a pair of super-dressy espadrilles yesterday, and they’re truly vampy and great, with tops made of shiny material with ribbons woven through, and toes much more pointy than I ever wear. And the actual soles are rubber. Maybe that’s a cheat, so they don’t really qualify for your hate?

i also picked formal shorts, since I hate them the MOST.

I *thought* I hate shrugs, then I found a fabulous slouchy wonderful shawl like one and bought it and I live in it, so now I am pro-shrug. I am still anti-shrunken shrug, however.

I had to go with the Uggs, but oh it was so hard to choose. My fashion icks flip flops worn as regular everyday shoes… c’mon people! Also, not to be missed the NW favorite good old socks and sandals — especially lovely when worn on the chilly rainy days.

I have no opinions on shrugs or Ugg boots, because I have no idea what they are, but I am definitely in favor of waistlines, and for that matter other body parts of a curvilinear nature.

And you’re right, I very much approve of Nevada as the Designated Smoking state. I don’t know anyone there, I’ve never been invited there, and since I understand that whatever happens there, stays there, I hope smoking stays there, too.

aaaah! now i want to see that dress

buy the dress!

What dress? Is it for my wedding? I want to see!!!

Is there a picture?!

I know what the book is.

I command you to show us a picture.

we need a pic of this fabulous dress. I’ve gone to Maureen’s blog and commanded as you commanded!

Maureen, while you’re at it, buy Justine a dress!