I would like to thank everyone who submitted first pages this month. If your first page was not critiqued, please do not think it was due to your writing. The committment with Leila was to critique four first pages and there were many more than that submitted. It was very generous of editor Leila Sales of Viking Books for taking the time out of her busy schedule to read and critique the March First Page Picture Prompts. I also want to thank Kris Aro McLeod for providing the picture inspiration this month.
Falling Stars by Eileen Balesteri
The flashing red lights outside the old, abandoned building made Lena’s heart sink. The structure had always been an eyesore in the neighborhood, but over the past few weeks, it had served as a shelter to Lena and her little sister, Evie.
Lately, more and more houses on their once, cheerful street were turning from happy homes to foreclosed prototypes of broken dreams.
Squatting in an abandoned building had not been part of Lena’s life plan. But, everything changed the night her RA knocked on her dorm room door with the emergency call about her parents.
From that day on, Evie would be her responsibility.
She turned and looked down the block to the dark house with the “bank-owned” sign that used to be theirs–and then forward to the burning building that was their present home.
As she watched the flames lick the outside of the chimney, all she could do was hope that the others got out okay. They must have run, because she didn’t see any of them around. Not even Terrence…which was strange, since he always took charge when things got scary. Maybe he’d gone looking for them.
She gripped her little sister’s hand, grateful they had not been inside when it started.
“What’s going on, Lena? I’m tired. You said I could sleep when we got back from the dumpsters!”
“Just let me think for a minute, Evie.”
The blankets she had put out to air on the fence behind the building should still be there. If she could just get around the police and fire trucks to the back yard, they’d at least have something to keep them warm for the night.
“Evie. Follow me, and don’t say a word. Just copy everything I do.”
Squatting down to keep out of sight, they inched along the fence behind the overgrown shrubs and tall, dead weeds leading to the back.
FALLING STARS
The author does a good job quickly and unobtrusively telling us who Lena and Evie are, how old Lena is, and what the girls’ relationship is. There’s some immediate suspense from wondering 1) what happened toLena’s parents? 2) who are Terrence and “the others,” and what is their connection toLena? 3) how did this building catch on fire? The reader will want to keep going to find out the answers to these questions.
There’s some overwriting here that would be funny if this were a humorous story, but in a serious story it comes off as melodramatic. For example: “Lately, more and more houses on their once, cheerful street were turning from happy homes to foreclosed prototypes of broken dreams.”
My immediate response to the premise is that I have trouble believing a girl could go from college to homeless so quickly. I would expect Lena and Evie to have family and friends from their old life, when their parents were alive, who would be looking out for them in some way. But, as an editor, I would keep reading this story to see if Lena’s quick slide into poverty was done in a believable way o
Below is the first page picture prompt for the March. It was illustrated by Kris Aro McLeod and I feel it gives you a lot of choices on where to go with your story.
Deadline to submit is March 25th. I will announce who our guest critiquer will be next Friday. Please attach your double spaced, 12 point font, 23 line first page to an e-mail and send it to kathy(dot)temean(at)gmail(dot)com. Also cut and paste it into the body of the e-mail. Put “March 25th First Page Prompt” in the subject line.
ILLUSTRATORS: Here is your chance to show off a little. Since the old saying is that, ”March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb,” I am looking for an illustration that incorporates some type of weather in with the piece. This gives you a lot of leeway. Heck, just some wind in someone’s hair would fill the bill. I may post soem during the month, but will definitely post all on March 29th, so I need to receive your illustrations no later than March 27th. Please make sure the illustration is at least 500 pixels wide and includes a blurb about you and a link to see more of your work. Please send it to kathy(dot)temean(at)gmail(dot)com and put “March Illustration” in the subject box.
Talk tomorrow,
Kathy
Filed under:
Artist opportunity,
authors and illustrators,
inspiration,
opportunity Tagged:
Free Fall Friday,
Kris Aro McLeod,
March Illustrations Wanted,
March Writer's Prompt 
I picked up Kris Aro McLeod’s postcard this past summer at the SCBWI Conference in LA and I am very happy to share her talent with you. Her art captivated me, as it seems to have done with Cricket, Spider, and Ladybug Magazines, and Shoofly, an audiomagazine for children.
She studied art at the Center of Creative Studies in Detroit and then acquired a BFA in Fine Art from Western Michigan University in Kalamazoo, MI, then studied painting at Montana State University where she earned her MFA.
Kris is a freelance writer and illustrator and a part-time art teacher for grades 4th, 5th and 6th at Pioneer Elementary School in Davis, CA. Here artwork has been displayed in galleries across the US, in Asia, and Romania. She is also a member of the SCBWI and co-Illustrator coordinator for the North Central California SCBWI Chapter and it looks like she is just as successful selling her poems as her artwork. She even has a bedtime counting picture book out that she wrote, but did not illustrate.
This is where Kris creates her fantastic illustrations. Kris says,
“This is just the corner of my bedroom, under the lights of many lamps. My little drawings and paintings are scattered about. They start in those perfect moments of beauty and love that we stumble on each day.
My paints and brushes, pencils of every color and length, are here. So is the soft white paper of dreams and imagination.
My brush flutters and a sea appears…
My pencil waves and a mermaid flips…
I’m a children’s writer and illustrator. I’m a teacher and a mom. I’m thrilled. My first picture book is out and it’s called Hush-a-Bye Counting. It’s about dreams, and love…”
Kris Shares her process by sharing this painting she recently finished for a book proposal:
These are a few of the thumbnails that I drew to figure out how to get all the visual elements into the spread, while leaving room for text and the gutter. I ended up going with the lower right one which I enlarged on the computer to the correct size.
I use tracing paper to refine my sketches. I did 3 complete sketches and ended with this one. I think you can see how I cut and move things around on the tracing paper, sometimes cutting out a piece of one drawing and taping it into another. Most of the work comes before I even get my paint out.
I use a light box to trace the final tracing paper sketch onto Fabriano soft watercolor paper. Then I start to shade everything in with a mechanical pencil. This is the final drawing which I scan into the computer.
In photoshop I change the line to brown and print it onto Arches 140 press. I stretch this print onto gaterboard so that when I put my washes on the pa
Thank you so much Leila!
I’m very grateful for both your valuable insight and time. I try to absorb every piece of advice I can get through reading all of the critques.
So often, I wonder if I’m on the right track or if I need to cut something. It’s funny that you mentioned the melodramatic part, because it just wasn’t sitting right with me, either.
I debated on whether to cut that line or the last sentence for space and decided to step outside of my comfort zone and go for it. LOL! I should have listened to my inner voice! You were absolutely right!
Thank you, too, Kathy, for offering us so many wonderful opportunities to be the best writers we can be! <3
Thank you for the feedback, Leila. Much appreciated!
I loved the artwork from Kris Aro McLeod this month — it offered inspiration and a good starting point.
Thanks for coordinating, Kathy, as always. :>