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James Dashner is the author of the
Maze Runner, recently released as a film by Twentieth Century Fox. His other works include
The Eye of Minds and
The 13th Reality.
A favorite thing before being published was going to conferences like this one to hear other writers' stories.
James has always loved stories, and writing them, even though they were really bad. He also read like crazy:
Charlotte's Web,
Hardy Boys,
James and the Giant Peach. James studied accounting in college, but he still dreamed of being a writer and he wrote his first novel.
A small publisher published his first books and because of them he was able to connect with writers and agents. He then wrote the
Maze Runner and it was rejected across the board. But he didn't quit. He went on to write
The 13th Reality, again to a small publisher. After, he took out the
Maze Runner again, rewrote it, and sent it to his now agent. It sold!
The Maze Runner has now been published in many foreign markets, and Twentieth Century Fox made the movie.
James has a stack of 30 or 40 rejections, most belonging to the
Maze Runner. His successes are a combination of sticking with it, not giving up, but he admits he also had some really lucky breaks. If you quit you don't give yourself the chance to get those lucky breaks.
"You have no idea how thankful I am every day that I didn't give up."
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By:
C.J.Busby,
on 12/5/2014
Blog:
An Awfully Big Blog Adventure
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Like most published writers, I spend much of my time wondering why I'm not paid more than I am. I'm not sure I signed up for this, I think, as I contemplate my meagre royalty cheques. Of course, it's wonderful to have your books out there, but 'out there' is a bit of a vague designation, encompassing as it does a range from the cramming of multiple copies into every branch of Waterstones to the presence of one lonely copy in an independent bookshop in your home town. And if the surveys are to be believed, more of us find ourselves in the latter position than the former.
Among many blogs and comments on making a living from writing, I found one recently from Emma Darwin which gave me pause for thought. The median income from professional writing - that is, for those who spend the majority of their time writing - is down, according to the ALCS, from £15,450 in 2005 to £11,000 a year in 2013.
That's people who spend the majority of their time writing. Even if they spent only half their working hours writing, that's the equivalent of an annual wage of £22,000, and the likelihood is that they spend less than half not writing, so their annual wage is likely to be nearer £15-20,000. Currently, the UK median wage for full-time workers is £27,000. Advances, as Darwin notes, have steadily fallen over the last ten years, and royalties are squeezed by the sheer number of published and self-published books competing in the marketplace, as well as discounters like Amazon, whose sales result in mere pennies per book for the writer.
So what made it easier to make a living from writing ten or twenty years ago? In trying to fathom out the economics of publishing, I have been haunted by a quote from Andrew Wylie - the jackal of literary agents - who once said that if one of his writers got paid royalties, he hadn't done his job properly. The implication was that he aimed to get such a high advance from the publishers that the book couldn't possibly earn out. Ever.
What makes that an attractive proposition for publishers? It can surely only be the prestige of publishing a well-known and highly respected literary writer. Well, I imagine the commissioning editor saying as he joins his fellow publishing mates for a drink, we've got the latest Martin Amis. And they all turn green with envy while rapidly increasing their offer to Ian McEwan.
Is that how it works? Or worked?
It implies a goal, for publishers, that is not necessarily that of making a profit. Rather it's something to do with having a part in producing the most respected art. (I leave aside whether you think Amis or McEwan represent the highest pinnacles of writing - but undeniably there are literary critics who would claim this to be so...) Certainly, however inflated the big-names' advances got, there was a willingness to support the middle tier of good but less commercially successful writers that argues a focus on quality writing rather than solely on profit.
At some point in the recent past, Amazon (and perhaps Harper-Collins) changed all that. A recent book (One Click: The Rise of Jeff Bezos) on Amazon had some fascinating things to say about Bezos's attitude to the publishing industry. Basically, as the slick young tech-geeks of Amazon started to investigate publishing they realised that the industry was run by editors, who were primarily interested in the writing and didn't pay a great deal of attention to the money. Art trumped commerce.
As a consequence, Amazon started to take them down - and lo and behold, ten or fifteen years later, publishers have had to respond. Now, generally, commerce is starting to trump art - something Ursula le Guin has criticised fiercely in this wonderful recent speech at the National Book Awards.
As le Guin points out, "the profit motive is often in conflict with the aims of art", and when profit (sales and marketing) starts to rule what will and will not be published, then literature suffers. But how to counter this? Can what le Guin calls "responsible book publishing" exist any more in an era where market profit appears to have triumphed over every other measure of worth?
I think it still does, in little niches here and there and in the efforts of editors to circumvent sales and marketing and still get great books published. I think there are still stupendous works of art being produced out there. But undeniably this is at the expense of authors, who are holding fast to their principles but being paid less and less for what they do.
So what can we do, as writers, in a society that does not value the art of writing?
We can give up writing - and some of us will simply have to, because we can't pay the bills. Or we can try and play the game, and aim our writing closer and closer to what le Guin calls "the production of a market commodity". Or we can carry on being artists, knowing that what we do, interrogating received truths, challenging people's beliefs, encouraging the imagination, has immense value for many people. But not for enough people to pay us a living wage.
There is, however, another kind of perspective on what is happening in publishing.
Some would dispute that the sort of distinction between art and commerce that le Guin posits is valid. Notions of art, in this view, are not universal, they are culture-bound and generally elitist. The upper strata supports 'art' that it enjoys and appreciates (opera) while denigrating commercial art (soap opera), yet commercial art exists precisely because it is the favoured art of the majority. Thus it would be fundamentally wrong and undemocratic to claim elite art as somehow of greater worth or value. From this perspective the actions of sales and marketing teams who refuse to cross-subsidise experimental or literary fiction with the profits from mass-market romance are fundamentally democratic. Money is the arbiter of worth. "Currency", as Lord Cutler Beckett says in the second Pirates of the Caribbean film, "is the currency of the realm."
It's an argument with merits. For the French sociologist Bourdieu, the upper echelons prefer 'high' to 'low' art because of the way class acts as a 'learned' practice, rather than because of any universally valid aesthetics. There is certainly something very elitist about the state subsidising opera when 90% of the population would consider it nothing but caterwauling in costumes. Equally, should the government fund grants for small touring theatre companies whose audiences are in their hundreds?
The debate is not dissimilar to the one we recently had on ABBA about children's reading. Is it right to censure children for reading commercial pap, to see the mere act of reading as not in itself enough, or is this elitist? Should we instead respect the idea that many children prefer undemanding commercial fiction and that it has as great a worth as more carefully crafted children's books? In the money world of Amazon, popular commercial books clearly have inherently greater worth than that those that sell less well, regardless of any judgements of the quality of the writing.
Well, to continue the
Pirates of the Caribbean theme, let me nail my colours to the mast.
I believe some writing has more merit than others. Writing as art aims to interrogate the status quo, to provoke questions, to encourage readers to think about the world they live in. It draws on carefully honed craft and on a deep and wide imagination. I believe the more people that are encouraged to read or have access to this kind of writing, the better for society as a whole. I believe commercial considerations do not always favour writing as art, because it is often challenging, unsettling, difficult and it takes time to get right - but it changes readers, and inspires them, and once they 'get' it they will seek out more of that kind of art in all areas. They will be more questioning in their daily lives, more open, more imaginative, and they are more likely to challenge received wisdoms. This is a good thing.
Let me just make it clear though - when I say writing as art, I am not upholding the 'high'/'low' art distinction, which would see le Guin's science fiction/fantasy novels as a poor second to literary fiction. I am not condemning you all to reading Kafka or Joyce! (Excellent as both authors are). What I would consider 'art' in writing is intelligent, thoughtful, honed writing, aiming to be the best it can be, whether that's the best sort of comic book story or the best fantasy or the best romance. Writing that aims to make its readers engage completely in the world it presents and hence inevitably reflect on the world they live in. Malorie Blackman's
Noughts and Crosses is a good example; but also less overtly political books that just give free reign to the imagination - Philip Reeve's
Mortal Engines, or Diana Wynne Jones's
Hexwood. Luckily, in children's fiction there are some great examples that are both commercially successful
and works of art - but it's still the case that the rewards for that great writing are not as high as they were.
So, in the end, maybe we writers have to accept that we are not going to be top earners under the conditions of global financial capitalism. But we can contribute to sowing the seeds of imagination, thoughtfulness, empathy and a questioning intelligence in our readers that will hopefully one day contribute to undermining the dominance of that economic system.
As le Guin points out in her speech, market-driven capitalism seems triumphant and unassailable. But so did the Divine Right of Kings, once.
Cecilia Busby writes humorous fantasy for children of 7 upwards. Her latest book,
Dragon Amber, was published in September by Templar.
www.cjbusby.co.uk@ceciliabusby"Great fun - made me chortle!" (Diana Wynne Jones on
Frogspell)
"A rift-hoping romp with great wit, charm and pace" (Frances Hardinge on
Deep Amber)
Guess the Plot
Safe-Cracker
1. A wafer of unleavened bread drifts in interstellar space, while the long-dead astronauts who would have eaten it moulder in their own soluble fats.
2. A parrot and a police inspector form an unlikely pair as they hunt the man who killed the bird’s owner and cracked his safe. But the killer has other plans for the feathered witness.
3. Xavier thought he was finished with crime. But when the local loan shark comes after his kid brother, Xavier will have to put his gifted fingers to work one last time. But can even he crack the TL30X6 Elite?
4. The search for a cracker that doesn't contain partially hydrogenated soybean oil, high fructose corn syrup, or even "evaporated cane juice" takes Freida Freelander to the wilds of Inner Mongolia, where she finds love with a yak herder. But still no safe crackers.
5. Zach's regular job is cracking convenience store safes. But now Harry, his partner in crime, wants to move up to high-end targets like jewelry stores. Zach would rather quit his job and become a famous artist. But is it really any easier to make a living in the high-end art world?
6. With all the unavoidable hazardous chemicals and genetically mutated garbage they put in snacks these days, Stan hopes to make a killing by marketing his gentle variety of wholly harmless crisp salty thin biscuits. He plans to decorate the box with inoffensive jokes, and enclose in each package an innocuous pyrotechnic device.
Original Version
Zach Dixon would like to quit his regular job. Cracking safes is beginning to get a little old. [All jobs get a little old when you do them forty hours a week. I would expect a safecracker to have a shorter work week, however.] But his partner and self-titled manager Harry [Nice arrangement. Zach gets the money out of the safes and Harry manages things.] has other ideas: he’s working on getting himself and Zach into Mitch Danaher’s gang. Going from convenience stores to high-end mansions and jewelry stores would be quite a lucrative accomplishment, and Harry is sure they can do it. [I don't see why they need to be in Mitch's gang to rob mansions. One or two guys can claim to be checking the gas main or the cable. It looks more suspicious if a whole gang shows up at a mansion.]
Zach isn’t sure that he wants to do it. His hobby is painting, and he recently met an art dealer who loves his work and might be able to make him famous. Besides, Danaher’s boys play much rougher than pacifist Zach likes. He starts looking for a way out. [The trouble with being a pacifist convenience store robber is that often the people who work in convenience stores aren't pacifists.]
He’s heard the only way out of the Big Leagues is through the morgue. Dying is really low on his agenda right now. But so is betraying Harry, and it’s starting to look as if the only way to quit is to betray Harry and as many of the gang as possible. [He's not betraying the gang if he hasn't joined it. Has he?]
Guess the Plot
Retribution's Flame
1. Carrie Holmes rules the multimillion dollar world of vanity magazine publishing. When her rival Justin Kerr outmaneuvers her and buys 51% of her business, Carrie vows to stop at nothing to get her company back . . . even if it means unleashing the fire-breathing dragon she has staked in her cellar.
2. The concept of retribution has a problem: it's in love...with hunger. But hunger is a bodily signal, not a concept, and doesn't feel the same. Will retribution kill itself out of despair? Or will it enter the heart of a starving artist to be close to it's one true love?
3. Attila is tired of being picked on by the sons of the senators. He returns home when his uncle dies and picks up an army. Now it's pay-back time. Also, a non-talking dog.
4. When Julia loses the money she invested with real estate mogul Clay Hughes, she takes retribution by framing him for arson. Now he faces the death penalty. Wouldn't it be ironic if the method of execution were burning at the stake?
5. Pete Haskill is driving ladder truck 42 to a three-alarm fire when he realizes the address he's heading for is that of his ex-wife and her lover. Man, it's so easy to get lost in this town.
6. Tired of authors spelling his name wrong, comparing their books to classics, and looking forward to hearing from him, a New York editor sets his slush pie on fire, a conflagration that ups the global warming timetable by half a century.
Original Version
Dear Evil Editor,
I am seeking representation for Retribution’s Flame, a work of commercial fiction, complete at 98,000 words.
Clayton Hughes had [has] never known the fury of a woman scorned – until now.
In a desperate attempt to save his crumbling real estate empire from the ravages of an economic downturn, he [writes a book called Retribution's Flame. Also, he] teams up with a neophyte investor with a checkered past. His judgment clouded by financial pressures, he falls for Julia’s seductive charms and the troubles begin. After placing him high on a pedestal, she turns on him when he fails to live up to her impossible expectations. [This is pretty vague. What were her expectations and in what way did she turn on him?] He ends their short-lived affair and she seeks revenge. Julia’s scheming leads to arson and murder with Clay as the prime suspect. Her skillful frame-up lands him in jail facing a possible death sentence.
A series of twists and turns leads to a showdown between Julia and Clay’s daughter, Melissa. That violent confrontation ends with Julia dead and Clay a free man.
[Judge: You're free to go.
Clay: Just like that? What happened?
Judge: The woman who testified against you was murdered, so you must be innocent.]
In the end he learns that image and pretense mean nothing. Everything he ever needed had been there in plain sight – his family. [All he needed was a family
Guess the Plot
Jacks Fall and Kings Conquer
1. Cecily is the world's reigning champion at Jacks, and she's agreed to marry the first man who can beat her at her own game. King Henry dons a disguise and leaves his kingdom in the middle of a bloody civil war to give it a try.
2. His three Jacks have lost to three Kings three times, so the next time it's Harry's deal he takes out a little insurance: he declares Jacks wild.
3. Card sharp Manny Romero knew he was going to Hell for the way he treated his family. OK. That, he could handle. But playing 'Go Fish' with Stalin, Hitler & Mao for eternity wasn't part of the plan.
4. Ollie's psychic powers might be useful to law enforcement, but he has a better idea. He heads for the World Series of Poker, where his ability to telepathically see his opponents' cards should win him millions. What he doesn't count on is getting stuck at the same table with another psychic poker player who's better at it than he is.
5. In this strategic guide to poker you will learn how to spot sharks, cheaters, and new blood; how to place bets without needing a second mortgage; and which casinos have strip sessions in the back rooms. Among other things.
6. With the IRS knocking on their door, Dakota and Daphne King take their last ten grand and a Greyhound to Vegas. Dakota enters a Texas Hold’em tourney up against the likes of Jack "Sprat" Geller and Jack "Fat Daddy" Roberts. Will Dakota and Daphne lose everything, or will the Kings conquer?
Original Version
Dear Evil Editor,
Nineteen year-old psychic Oliver White is unemployed and on the verge of eviction just one month after moving out of his mother’s house. [Usually they don't let you move in if you're unemployed and have only a month's rent saved up.] To prolong his independence, he directs his skills where they reap instant, profitable rewards [Rewards are assumed to be profitable.] – at the poker table. What begins as a desperation move for cash evolves into a journey to the world’s largest poker tournament. What he doesn’t know is that this path was chosen for him long ago; a path that leads to a divine intervention.
This is the premise of my recently completed 103,000-word contemporary novel entitled Jacks Fall and Kings Conquer.
Beginning in Chino, California and culminating in Las Vegas, [an epic journey of about 250 miles,] Jacks Fall and Kings Conquer is the story of Oliver White, a college-aged man from humble beginnings who uses his psychic prowess to play poker at a level most only dream of. With the ability to see his opponent’s hands telepathically, he sets off for the Main Event of the World Series of Poker with his financial backer, Chuck, in hopes of taking down [taking home] the multi-million dollar prize, and dreaming of setting himself, and his recently laid-off single mother, up for life. [You may as well dump the first paragraph and start with this one. They're mostly t
Guess the Plot
Probation
1. He missed 9 years of his son Timmy's life, so when Jack Wiggins gets out of prison he vows to go straight, taking a job working for Bud's Tree-N-Grass. But a deadly secret lurks below that turf!! Now Jack will need all his gangster skills to save Timmy from . . . Mole Man!!!
2. When she gets released, career shoplifter Sally Mayfield decides to put her skills to a new use -- retail security consultant. But can she resist the urge to pocket a few loose lipsticks?
3. A gang of talking rats that live in the sewers of old London befriend a young pickpocket and bring him baubles in exchange for stories about the wide world. When he gets hauled away to the orphanage the rats embark on a dangerous journey across town to rescue him.
4. Guy Stall should be facing the death penalty, but thanks to an incompetent prosecutor, his murder charges are dropped and he is released on probation. Now it’s up to Assistant DA Caroline Simmons to uncover new evidence that can reopen the case and ensure justice is served . . . before Guy strikes again.
5. Stacey's on probation for drunk driving and Takara's on probation for talking to a demon. Their worlds collide when Stacey reads a book about Takara in this anime series told backwards.
6. College has ups and downs. Last semester, she was the party queen. Now Chrissy-Ann must get an A in every class, or be expelled.
Original Version
Dear EE,
Can true goodness exist outside fantasy? Can it even exist there? [You're a day late if this is your all-questions query exercise.]
Stacey Chambers wishes her life could resemble the lives of the heroes in her favorite stories. Unfortunately the path to goodness always seems to elude her. When this introspective under-grad is shamed with legal troubles, she escapes in Probation: The First Saga of OniRue, [She escapes? Clarify.] a new anime series shown in reverse-chronological order. [The entire series is in reverse chronological order? So technically, this is the last Saga of OniRue.] [Is the first line of the book "The End"?] [What do you mean, "shown" in reverse order? Is this a book or a film?] [I think you should completely reverse the order of the sentences in the query.] [This is gonna annoy those people who always read the end of the book first, when they find out you've given away the beginning.]
In Probation, Takara is probated from her demon-hunting clan for showing gratitude towards Nanashi, a half demon who saves her life. [Could you define "probated"?] Niceties to demons [and half-demons, apparently] are punished by probation and exile, regardless of circumstance.
But no punishment can dissuade Takara from using her training to rescue the land of OniRue from the evil demon king. She travels to his castle with Nanashi and the monk Makoto, [Change their names to ShaNaNa and Tomato, and you have a winner.] both of whom fall in love with Takara and work to convince her that the other is unworthy of her love. [When your only suitors are a half-demon and a monk, it's time to consider lesbianism.] When Takara learns Makoto is right and that Nanashi has been working for the demon king all along, she knows the penalty for Nanashi’s deception must be death. [She knows this because it already happened back in chapter 1, thanks to everything being in reverse chronological order.]
Instead of being the real-world equivalent of a monk [which is . . . a monk,] or a demon huntress, Stacey is a convicted drunk driver, and on top of that, a liar. Her dad was killed by a drunk driver, and her mom would disown Stacey if she knew about the arrest, so Stacey hides it from her. She also keeps it from her boyfriend Mike, who expects perfection from her despite his own disregard for rules and laws.
When Stacey fails and both Mike and her mom find out about her arrest, she hides from their anger in new episodes of Probation. [Hey! What happened to Tomato and ShaNaNa?] [What do all these people have to do with the land of ObiWan?] But when she learns her cousin has been having an affair with Mike, she knows hiding is no longer an option and that comfort will only come after imposing the ultimate penalty. [Which is killing them all?]
Probation: The First Saga of OniRue is my first novel and is complete at 99,000 words. It’s half commercial fiction and half fantasy, with the chapters alternating between Stacey’s story and the reverse-flowing episodes of Probation. Though it stands alone it is the first in a planned series, the second of which is in development.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Notes
So the only connection between Stacey and Takara is that Stacey read about Takara in a book? That's not good enough. This is two books.
I think you need to make it clear why the fantasy book is backwards. Backwards is confusing enough, but mixed in with a frontwards book . . . I enjoyed Memento, but it took some effort to follow it, and if after every scene they'd edited in a scene from The Dark Knight, my head would have exploded.
I was going to suggest focusing on one story line or the other, but I suppose it'll go badly if an agent is expecting a story of redemption and every other chapter is about demons and castles, told in reverse chronological order. Why not make it two books? They'd both be short, but as you're planning sequels, you should have enough material to expand each of them.
Terms like "in development," "new episodes," "shown" and "new anime series" make me think TV show. And since anime is Japanese animation, that's what most will think. But I don't get the impression this is illustrated or in screenplay format. Is this supposed to be made into an animated series? The part about Stacey doesn't strike me as anime. Not that I know anything about anime.
What do those questions at the beginning have to do with anything?
Guess the Plot
Fate's Guardian
1. Sometimes bad things just happen. That seems to be the case for Fate Donnelly ALL THE TIME. So, when the new kid at school claims he's a guardian angel come to keep her safe, Fate just laughs. But, now he seems to be everywhere she is; and wherever he is, things are surprisingly . . . normal.
2. Though Gil Jacobs is fated to die in a car crash, a ghost wants to keep him alive in order to take his soul. Can the soul of one of his friends save Gil 's soul by making sure his body is mangled and crushed in a horrible wreck?
3. Khathakas thought watching over Apollo's children was a lousy job. Now he's been promoted: he has to keep Fate herself from harm. Also, a talking owl.
4. In an effort to dam the flood of doorstopper fantasy novels featuring prophecies and chosen ones, agent Kris Nelson valiantly takes on the mantle of Fate's Guardian, forbidding the use of destiny-based plot devices.
5. The Earl of Wheaton was well known as a wastrel. But when his long-lost schoolmate, dying of fever in Canada, writes to beg that he care for "my little girl," he reluctantly agrees--only to find himself saddled with a green-eyed, bewitching minx named Fate, who seems determined to upset society as thoroughly as the Earl once did.
6. Courtney Wilde is an ordinary prep-school girl--until she inherits the Mantle of Fate. At first it seems like fun: she can set up her favorite teacher with the guy of her dreams, and stuff like that. But when Courtney screws up, things get bad fast. Luckily, the position comes with a Guardian. And he's a hunk!
Original Version
Dr. Evil Editor,
Gil Jacobs must die in order to save his soul. After living dozens of lives over hundreds of years, the events of Gil's past are catching up with him, and he is powerless to prevent it. [How many dozens of lives? My calculations show that a mere three dozen lives with an average age of 57 at death would have him alive about fifty years before the birth of Christ. In which case you can say thousands of years.]
Gil is supposed to die in a car crash, it's his fate, but a ghost who knew Gil in a past life is trying to keep him alive as payback for a lost love. [He's already removed the spark plugs from Gil's car.] If Gil lives past today, he will not be able to cross over when death eventually claims him, and his soul will be ripe for the taking. [What does that mean? Does the ghost have a soul of its own?] If Gil dies, he will escape to his next life and the ghost's chance at vengeance will be lost. [Why? Can't the ghost seek vengeance on Gil's next incarnation?] [If the ghost can prevent a car wreck, seems like he could also cause one, and would have caused Gil to die last week or last year.]
Fortunately, Gil is not alone in his struggle. The soul of a friend watches over him, and she alone has the capacity to keep the antagonist at bay long enough for Gil to die. [For she is a former mechanic and has a brand new set of spark plugs.] Even if it means sacrificing her own soul.
FATE'S GUARDIAN is complete at 120,000 words. It is a supernatural thriller directed toward a commercial fiction audience, and first in a series titled Destiny's Will.
I have been writing professionally for business for the past eight years, including copywriting, press releases, and proposals. I welcome the opportunity to add "published novelist" to my repertoire. Writing is in my blood and I want my stories to be read. [I hope you won't think I'm a hardass when I say that lines like that never influence me. Well, not in a positive way, anyway.]
I chose to query you after reading your blog and realizing that your style of review should find ample room for comedic commentary in the query above and the synopsis that follows. That, and I have thick skin and I think I can take it. I am also hopeful that I may learn something from this endeavor.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Regards,
Notes
Apparently Gil's soul survived his dozens of previous deaths. So the theory is that even when you die and your soul comes through it fine, you keep coming back and your soul is once again at risk? Seems like after you've lived enough lives there'll be so many vengeance-seeking ghosts who think you wronged them in some past life that your soul won't stand a chance.
How come when Gil dies he comes back in a new life, but his friend who watches over him remains in soul form? Is it better to come back or to just be a soul?
I assume Gil is unaware that he must die to save his soul. Thus the book's conflict seems to be between the two entities who care what happens to Gil. Are they corporeal? Can they communicate with Gil? Shouldn't they be the key characters in the query, with their names and details about their relationships with Gil included?
I guess I'm more bothered by the book's world than by the plot itself. In this world, if you die when fated to die, your soul is saved and you move to a new life where you must again die when fated or lose your soul. Apparently it's not a given that you will die when fated; if it were, Gil's soul friend would see no need to intervene. Does that mean if I'm fated to die in a car wreck when I'm twenty but a snowmobile accident kills me at nineteen I lose my soul?
Possibly the average person doesn't wonder all these things, but just in case, it's probably best to say as little as possible about stuff you don't have room to explain. Basically, tell us that the spirits of two people who knew Gil in past lives are battling, one to save his soul and the other to steal it. Then you might tell us how Gil stole Pierre the Ghost's woman in the French Revolution and how Miranda the Soul grew up with him in medieval Scotland.
Guess the Plot
The Dinosaur Diaries
1. Monday: run, run, run, roar, roar, eat. Tuesday: run, run, run, roar, roar, eat. Wednesday: run, run, run, roar, roar, eat. Thursday: Bit cold today.
2. When her abusive husband Jimmy leaves town for a work project, Stormy uses the oven to hatch some dinosaur eggs. But does she have time before Jimmy gets back to train her allosauruses to kill him?
3. Ty Rex finds a time machine and travels to modern New York City determined to make good, but the youngster finds that it isn't easy being a forty-foot monster in a human city.
4. When the Jonas Brothers do a revival album of Enrico Caruso's Biggest Hits, newly licensed detective Patty James suspects foul play. Can a twenty-something save face while rescuing a boy band from the evil machinations of the Dinosaur Daddies from Planet Aendestick?
5. First it was sky lizards taking over New York, now a school of velociraptors are swimming up the Thames, eating everyone in sight -- everyone except Bruce Gupta, bicycle rickshaw guy. When his load of tourists are gobbled mid-ride, he speeds toward Parliament, knowing that only he can save the world.
6. Undergraduate intern Takota Jones gets a spectacular new hair color and matching tattoos and discovers her bosses are older than King Tut -- actual fossils! Using her connection to the corporate iphone network, this skinny rebel promptly takes control of America's Largest Bank and has her best year ever driving it off a cliff.
Original Version
Dear Agent:
What happens when a lonely 18 year-old newlywed uses Indian magic to hatch out dinosaur eggs in her oven?
Stormy Marks is just 18 when she runs away from her abusive home to live with Jimmy, a young man visiting California with his brothers. After a quick Reno marriage, she finds herself living in a trailer in a bleak Montana compound with the abusive Jimmy. [She "finds herself" living . . . ? Did she run away to live with Jimmy, not realizing he lived in a bleak Montana compound?] After he gives her some dinosaur eggs, Jimmy leaves to work on a distant job. [Some abusive husbands apologize with flowers. Others with dinosaur eggs.]
Desperately lonely, haunted by strange dreams, Stormy confides in her neighbor Susanna Black Fox, a Crow lady. She gives Stormy some medicine dags [That's Crow for peyote buttons.] and tells her to try the oven for the eggs. [I'd go with the frying pan, but either way, I like my eggs fresher than 150 million years old.]
To her surprise, Stormy soon has four baby Allosaurus fragilis running around her home. [Can you litter-train an Allosaurus? Because in a few weeks you're gonna need a litter box the size of a swimming pool.] Susanna's grandson Paul arrives from college, and Stormy quickly falls for the gentle giant.
But what will happen when the greedy, dangerous Jimmy returns? Will he sell the dinosaurs--or worse? [How does one go about selling an allosaurus? The classifieds? Wait, I know. Ebay.
Told in the form of Stormy's diary entries,
[April 14th
I named the allosauruses today: Big Al, Killer, Tiny, and Kowalski. Tiny's the big one. Killer's the one who ate Susanna's herd of cattle. Gotta get the roofing company out here to repair the hole where Tiny's head went out. Maybe I should keep them outdoors now that they're all three times as tall as the trailer.April 15th
Suzanna gave me some more of her medicine dags. Suddenly I don't care that while I was at the grocery store the kids ate the trailer.]"The Dinosaur Diaries" is complete at 80,000 words. May I send you some of it?
Thank you for your time.
NotesAbusive family and husband versus dinosaurs. Hard to tell if this is for adults or boys, if it's litfic or slapstick. So tell us.
If you have four carnosaurs in your trailer, are you really gonna worry that your husband might sell them? Is she unaware that they will eventually be Godzilla?
Guess the Plot
Holiday Lords
1. Sunol, California, 1998. Jeff Dunley and Mark Morris are engaged in an all-out, take-no-prisoners, no-holds-barred war between their rival Christmas Tree farms.
2. They're known as the Holiday Lords: the gorgeous people who spend their days luxuriating on beaches, and nights partying at exclusive clubs. And Brian has fallen in with them. Can the one woman he trusts help him confront the dangerous secrets behind the veneer of the Holiday Lords -- including what fuels their glamorous, but sinister empire? Or is it too late for Brian?
3. When Santa's henchmen get tipsy on grog left beside the tree on Christmas Eve and end up busted for burglary, they soon realize the only way to survive incarceration is to form their own gang. They can't be "elves" any more. So they pierce their substantial pointy ears and swagger around, calling themselves the Holiday Lords.
4. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Kwanzaa, Christmas and New Years. They used to be a real drag. But now that Kris Tanrite has taken over the city, all forms of cross-dressing have been outlawed. Can the Lords of the Closet restore gaiety to the beloved holidays, or will Tanrite straighten them out?
5. Tina is beginning to hate Christmas. Every year it's the same two weeks of stress-inducing hell. Her family, in-laws, her family, in-laws. That is, until she finds out that she's married into the richest, most powerful group of witches and warlocks in the country. Can Tina convince them to halt their assault on the holidays and just relax already?
6. In Zinbumbsi, every holiday begins with the choosing of a lord who rules over the revelry until the seventh day, when he is tossed off a cliff into the Sea of Despair, and never seen again. But when beautiful sorceress Abidibia sees it is her man, Viggo, tied to the Throne of Distress, she knows this custom must end. She goes straight to the underworld to raise the fiercest fighting force Zinbumbsi has ever faced: the Holiday Lords from Hell.
Original Version
Dear Evil Editor:
Brian reunites with his lifetime crush, Veronica, and gets the ultimate invitation: to join her on vacations at international hotspots like Bangkok and Dubai. Veronica and her friends are "holiday lords" -- the gorgeous people who spend their days luxuriating on beaches, and nights partying at exclusive clubs.
He's torn between the alluring realm of the holiday lords, and an intriguing girl named Claire. She introduces him to a potent world of truth [Huh?] and diverse cultures -- from Rome, Italy, to ancient Pueblo lands in the Southwest.
When Brian loses his wallet in Colorado, he's forced to accept help from the wrong person, not knowing that the decision could cost him his life. Strengthened by Claire's encouragement, Brian confronts the dangerous secrets behind the veneer of the holiday lords -- including what fuels their glamorous, but sinister empire. [We're back to the Holiday Lords? What happened to the life-threatening decision?]
HOLIDAY LORDS is 60K words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Notes
First of all, I don't see how . . . What the . . . ?
Alternative:
It began when racist jokes crept out. [What began?] Then came the unexplained death of their neighbor. [Whose neighbor?] When Brian finds secrets inside his girlfriend's coat pockets, [What secrets? Be more specific.] he quits his abusive job and leaves town to find the one person he can trust, Claire.
Brian's road to liberation [Liberation from what?] starts with an eerie taxi ride after his car breaks down, and continues until he meets a family in Pueblo country. They help Brian understand why he's plagued with vivid nightmares, and everything happens to him in patterns of 3.
While traveling through Colorado with Claire, Brian's wallet mysteriously vanishes. Needing food and cash to get home, he accepts help from a man who gives him a job in construction. When Brian discovers that the contractor has imprisoned Guatemalan workers as slaves, he'll have to choose between saving their lives, and his own. [Himself or some Guatemalans. I believe I know which way he's leaning.]
Notes
I think I see the problem. You're supposed to be sending Evil Editor the query you were about to send to someone who matters. Assuming you weren't planning to send multiple-choice queries to agents, you are admitting you can't tell which of these is better.
Scrap both versions and start over.
Take us chronologically through Brian's story. He reunites with Veronica. When and where does he meet Claire? What's her connection with the Holiday Lords? What's sinister about the Holiday Lords? Are they behind the enslavement of Guatemalans? There needs to be something that unifies the book. We need more than a hint. We need to know how everything ties together.
Guess the Plot
Unplugged Yellow
1. When Ukrainian heavy metal band Yellow nets just fourteen sales of their newest album, they break up and each members searches for meaning in his own way: one climbs Everest, one drops into a six-month drug haze, one gets a poetry MFA, and one lives with a native tribe in the Amazon.
2. When a gargantuan meteor sails into the solar system, it impacts with the sun, sinking halfway in. The remaining mass just sits there, stuck. Sunlight reaching the earth drops by 80%. Astrounaut Tom Dangerine hasn't failed a mission yet, but can he unplug the sun?!
3. Zach is obsessed with the paintings of the hottest new artist on the New York art scene. Especially the yellow ones. Then he meets Rachel, the artist's girlfriend and becomes even more obsessed with her. When the artist is killed in a Timbuktu sandstorm, will Zach and Rachel find happiness together?
4. Lisa wants nothing to do with sparky Dave the electrician, even when he rewires her house for free. But when every yellow lead in her apartment comes unplugged, is it bad wiring, or Dave's revenge? Either way, she has to mollify him, but in the process, will she end up . . . plugged?
5. A new superhero is born when genetic engineering meets Ariolimax columbianus-- the banana slug. And boy is she peeved about her loss of habitat.
6. Like, hey man, this weed's really good. A semi-autobiographical, maybe-reality based, might-be-a-drug-induced-fantasy of life among the hippies in a Colorado Commune known only as Mellifluous Daffodil with Primrose.
Original Version
Dear Evil Editor,
Zachary Willis, a 28-year-old contemporary art collector, becomes obsessed with the paintings of an enfant terrible who calls himself FleX. FleX is a painter [Do artists who paint call themselves painters? Seems like they'd want to differentiate between themselves and house painters. Although I had a guy paint my house once who thought he was an artist. He painted the whole house using a palette and a Kolinsky sable artist's brush; no buckets, no rollers . . . in retrospect it was quite clever, as I was paying him by the hour.] more known for singing and playing guitar in an early noise band. [It was FleX and four roosters.] They become friends and Zach also becomes obsessed with FleX’s Haitian girlfriend, Rachel Aufan.
FleX’s art career takes off, largely due to Zach. Zach is responsible for FleX’s meeting with Phil Grey, the art critic, and his art-collecting French wife, Agnés de la Façade. FleX’s paintings double and triple in value [when it's discovered that he's a mentally unstable heroin addict,] while his mental instability and heroin habit undermine everyone’s investment in him. [It's like a Catch-22.]
Phil is laundering cocaine money for the Haitian mafia by buying art in New York and selling it in Europe. [That's two unrelated references to Haiti already. What were the odds?] [Speaking of low odds: You're a respected art critic. A gang of drug-dealing punks known as the Haitian Mafia comes to you with a deal: they'll give you their cocaine profits so you can buy art, take it to Europe, sell it, bring back the money, and give it to them. And you agree to this? Are they holding your lover hostage?] Art is the largest unregulated market in the world, and Phil is cannily starting to flood the downtown art market with hot cash. FleX makes a theatrical disappearance during one of his sold-out openings; Zach and Rachel get caught together later that night in a snowstorm and become lovers. [When I'm caught in a snowstorm I'm more interested in getting shelter than getting laid.] FleX returns, briefly, and then he and Rachel leave together for her family’s empty house in the hills outside of Port-au-Prince, where FleX goes cold turkey.
FleX and Rachel descend into a folie à deux as they run to Paris, and then Timbuktu. Rachel goes to New York alone to pick up money and tells Zach she is pregnant with his child. She returns to FleX. [This has devolved into a list of things that happen. An outline. We need a logical progression with smooth transitions; some cause and effect; less what and more why.] Zach tracks down FleX’s real identity as he attempts to separate Rachel from the sacred monster he has helped to create. [Why "sacred"?] FleX dies in a sandstorm in Timbuktu the night he learns Rachel is pregnant with Zach’s child. Zach rescues Rachel, who dies in childbirth. [It's your typical boy meets girl-boy loses girl-girl's boyfriend dies inTimbuktu sandstorm story.] Willis’s true obsession is Rachel Aufan, and his need for her to choose between the collector and the artist is at the heart of this book. [If that's the heart of the book, focus the whole query on it.]
UNPLUGGED YELLOW (45,811 words) is a love triangle set in NYC, Haiti, Paris and Timbuktu in 1979-80. The same people who bought Danny Moynihan's "Boogie-Woogie" and Siri Hustvedt's "What I loved" would probably buy UNPLUGGED YELLOW. I am Editor-in-Chief at Afterart News, an art newspaper published in Paris, France. The novel is currently being serialized (I retain all rights) in Hearsight Magazine.
Sincerely,
Notes
If the book is a love triangle, the first order of business is to get rid of the stuff that isn't connected to the lovers, namely the money laundering cocaine art critic Haitian mafia stuff. The only reason to mention Phil the critic is if it was Phil's reviews that resulted in FleX's paintings tripling in value. NY, Paris and Timbuktu are enough settings for the query. Nothing happens in Haiti that we need to know about.
Agnés de la Façade?
That the novel is available free online may make it less desirable to some publishers. That it's 45,000 words will make it undesirable to most publishers. Perhaps the serialization is an abridged version? The mere fact that that it has four major settings leads me to believe there are more than 45,000 words worth of story to be told here.
Focus on the Zach/Rachel story as your main plot, and throw in something about how the book provides a rare look at the contemporary art scene, as that seems to be your thing. Unfortunately, 1979-1980 isn't contemporary, and may be less interesting to those into contemporary art. Is there a reason this can't be set in present day?
The Timbuktu sandstorm sounds a bit wacko, if not Deus ex machina. You might want to just say FleX died, for the purposes of the query.
By:
Julie Fortenberry,
on 9/25/2007
Blog:
Children's Illustration
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On September 19, 2007, the PEN Children’s Book/Young Adult Book Authors Committee hosted a panel discussion featuring authors Susan Campbell Bartoletti, Susan Kuklin, Robert Lipsyte, and Vera B. Williams. http://www.pen.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/1603
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on 8/11/2007
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Are you interested in writing for children? Here's a link to a .pdf with information about the Highlights 2007 Fall Founders Workshops. Jane Yolen will be doing picture books in December. Debbie Dadey is scheduled for a new offering entitled Reluctant Readers. Special guests at the popular Crash Course in Publishing run by Clay Winters will include Lindsay Barrett George and Susan Campbell
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P.S. I beg, I plead, I implore you (or anyone!) for a decent title!
Fingers of the Artist
It applies to both fine oil painting and safe-cracking.
There is also:
A Portrait of the Artist as a Lowlife
okay then,
A Portrait of the Artist as a Thief
Donald Westlake type of thing? Try to come up with some kind of pun on the word "Safe". Two words, preferably. Three words max.
The Art of Safecracking.
I think you have a good idea here, if you can avoid the cliche of the tough gang. Otherwise you'll have an Idiot Plot setup where Harry wants in, Zack doesn't, so why doesn't Zack just leave?
Sure, they are long-term friends. So maybe the story should be about how the artist Zack busts his best bud away from the gang.
Here's another title:
Combining Arts
Tricky Dix. BOOM. You're welcome.
1. Artisan Theif
2. Van Gogh Way Out
Here are a few things I noticed in your query:
1. Zach is a thief, an anit-hero if you will. Why do I care if a bad guy has more bad guys after him? In Oceans 11, 12, & 13 (and I dare say 14 if it ever comes around) I cared about George Clooney. He's a bright guy with loyal friends and he's darned fun to watch. He's up to no good but he has a noble cause: win back the love of his life. What does Zach have to oompare with that?
2. What's the bigger issue at stake? There is always danger in the heist - big leagues or no. Does Zach get pulled into something that's more than he bargained for? Does he need the extra dough to score some art supplies but doesn't count on taking hostages at the bank?
3. What kind of painter is he? that will go a long way to describing the kind of guy he is, where he sets up shop, etc. Art is expression. What is he expressing? "His hobby is painting" sounds like he's a paint by numbers kind of guy. "His passion is painting" is what I'm looking for. That will make me want to read on. Why would an artist resort to safe cracking? Where did his passion for painting begin - did he break into a house and see something that inspired him?
Good luck!
PLaF raises a great question. The query lacks emotional impact. Give us one or two reasons to care about Zach.
And in the same vein:
Just van Gogh Away Harry
The Touch
Easy Touch
Midas Touch
Soft Touch
Touch and Go
In Safe Hands
Play it Safe
Safe Bet
The Fine Art
@PLaF: Van Gogh Way Out Hahahaha! Awesome.
Author - You do a good job of laying out the plot. But this seems kind of gentle for a commercial thriller. If this is a life and death situation, starting with a joke about how Zach is bored of his tedious life of crime is starting off on the wrong foot. Plus, you use a lot of hedging language: Zach "isn't sure" what he wants, he "starts looking" for a way out. Be more blunt and you strengthen the character: "Zach wants out."
I quite liked the premise.
And I would have thought that becoming the art world's Next Big Thing might provide a great cover for somebody wanting to ingratiate himself into the moneyed class - and into their safes. Or he could branch off into the even more lucrative - and less hazardous - world of art forgery.
As for titles, well, I suck at them, too.
Here are my suggestions:
The Fingersmith (a Brit term for both pickpockets and safecrackers), but I think Roald Dahl's used it.
or
Cracking It.
I always try to imagine the queries submitted here boomed live from a movie theatre speaker by Arnold Schwarzenegger as I jugggle innumerable unspeakables of popcorn with the kisses of equally innumerable back row harridans.
In my mind's eye, Arnie chokes on his words at the painting part. You're sauntering along till this point, pumping query bicep with directed spurt of literary steroid.
As far as I can see, Zach's real motivation is to quit your plot and paint.
Revised query: Zach Dixon and his partner Harry make their living robbing convenience store safes. But now Harry wants to graduate to high-end targets, while Zach wants to quit the business and become an artist. He's even found an art dealer who loves his work. He owes Harry for practically raising him, so though it’s unsatisfying, he makes painting a hobby.
Harry wants to join Mitch Danaher’s gang of bank robbers. Their reputation for violence scares Zach, but for Harry’s sake, he keeps his mouth shut. And then Zach runs into an old friend.
Five years ago, he spent some months at a juvenile detention center. There, he met Detective Scotty Duncan, a cop with a soft spot for troubled youth. Scotty still believes that Zach can go straight. Even better, he likes Zach’s painting.
When a bank robbery ends with the deaths of several guards, Scotty is the first person Zach thinks of. But ratting out Danaher’s gang will get both of them killed…and maybe Harry as well.
I do know to include the title and the word count, but I left them out because it's an unfinished manuscript. I'll look back at these titles as I work on the story and see which one fits best. :)
You can always end the query with something like this:
Attached is the first chapter of my novel "The Safecracker's Painting" for your consideration. It is 00,000 words and has never been published.
Sincerely,
And that would do it. Put the right Title and number of words in, of course.
So there's an art dealer who loves Zach's work, but it's the opinion of a policeman that really matters? Eh?
Zach has a way out of crime but chooses to stay in until things get hairy. Then he has to find a way to rat out the people he teamed up with while preserving his own skin.
Hmm, yanno, I don't care about this character. He comes across as a jerk.
btw, it was Sarah Waters who used Fingersmith as a title. Slightly different.
Zach Dixon wants to quit robbing convenience stores and paint. An art dealer saw his work and offered to arrange a show not knowing how Zach’s paid for his canvasses and paints. Zach’s partner and “manager” has other ideas: he’s working on getting himself and Zach into Mitch Danaher’s gang. Danaher’s boys play rough. Zach doesn’t know if he can extricate himself from his partnership with Harry before being forced into the Danaher gang without getting killed.
It’s starting to look as if the only way to quit crime is to betray his manager/partner and as many of Danaher’s gang as possible. Zach wants his shot at a new life. He’s not sure if he can get it.
The Canvas Man
Author, it would help if you told us what Zach painted and the medium. Oils, water colors, palette knife and acrylics and subject.
This is a resurrection story. I don’t get a strong feeling of hoping Zach succeeds because I can’t make a connection with him. If there was something I could plug into I’d be rooting for him.
Uhm, how about.... A Safer Art?
I quite like the premise -- though I'd prefer it if they turned into art thiefs rather than bank robbers.
Hi Rachel,
I think you are going down the wrong road with the re-write. The back story isn't important. That a thief wants to paint makes the mc interesting to me.
Art dealers want to make money. Maybe a couple of paintings were bid up, surprising the dealer and the artist/thief.
This isn't the story of a thief, this is the story of an artist who never had a chance, until now.
The question is can Zach extricate himself and move on.
This has promise. I need something to connect to Zach with. Something that engages me.