How to use this Page

I think you need a drink or five.

The Giving Tree?

What if it's a squirrel who's building the tree house for the little baby squirrels? ;-)

Yeah, Estragon. Dammit. You're just waiting around.

He's not coming, numbnuts! Now kick Vladimir's ass.

I think she may have had the drinks first. And if she's currently being inundated with manuscripts featuring inanimate objects, she is entitled to every one of them.

The drinks, I mean, not the manuscripts.

Goodness, I'm glad you so dislike Inanimate Objects like the Unmovable Rock, for I have a brilliant story idea from the POV of the Irresistible Force.

Actually, the story idea that has slithered into my head is one wherein every dawn before the child awakes the mother, who wants to be a writer, sits down to her computer and finds a new document there upon, a brilliantly written story, and she has no idea who is writing these, far better than he or she could ever hope to write. But she begins to suspect her cherubic (or possibly evil) toddler.

But story ideas are a dime a dozen and hardly ever original. It's the execution anyhow that counts. And gosh the execution is hard work.

Wow. I'm with Aimee. Tough day? A pint might be in order.

I just love how a kids' book editor says "for fuck's sake."

That's awesome. :

Children are generally pretty powerless in their own lives, and some writers might feel that a child will relate to a leaf that's afraid to fall or a tricycle that's been left out in the rain. That's why a child, at any rate, might give a flying shit about a "protagonist" who does nothing, even if an editor doesn't. (At least the editor doesn't have to go to time-out for saying it.) I'm not defending the practice, mind you, just saying I can see why some people might write such a story and expect it to become a best-seller.

I would read that leaf story. But maybe it's only good when it's you telling it. Maybe I identify too easily with inanimate objects. (Lifting fingers to place chips in mouth and moving jaw to chew counts as animate, no?)

Ohmygosh I can't stop laughing.

I'm so sorry, I should be more sympathetic to your plight. But this is also very, very funny.

The Brave Little Toaster.
The Steadfast Tin Soldier.
Miss Hickory.

The problem isn't the inanimate object; it's in the treatment. A good writer can bring anything to life.

Sadly, this post has now inspired me to write a book about a dead cat. You just can't keep issuing these challenges and expect people to ignore them...

"A leaf that's afraid to fall from a tree" made me spew coffee!

You HAVE had a miserable week, haven't you? I guess today's not the day to email you my account of "Penne the Pencil" and his heartwrenching tale of woe--- from the day he is pulled from the box, full of hope....

To that first, painful yet fufilling sharpening...

Through all the erasings, drops on the floor, and hours spent lost in the bottom of a backpack.....

Until that sad morning when, ground to a stub and eraser long since chewed, he's finally used up and tossed away like yesterday's garbage, as he watches Mickey the Mechanical pencil get refilled with lead.........

Sigh..... Poor Penne--it sounds like his tragic life will never serve to inspire children.... I guess it was all for nothing......

You're just cruel and heartless, EA!!! How can you overlook the bathos of these poor, inanimate objects.

Ps. I hate HATE HATE the giving tree and I think it's actually a sick joke of a book. I'm sure Silverstein is snorting and laughing somewhere everytime a teary-eyed teacher reads the story to the class.

"Fool--- you're right, you are like the tree, pouring yourself out for the children. And you know what? THEY DON'T CARE. THEY THINK IT'S THEIR RIGHT TO TAKE, TAKE, TAKE..... MUHAHAHAHA"

Now the ABZ book? Pure, unadulterated genius........

Ha ha! Great post:)

The only Inanimate Object pb I can think of that I like is,"I Stink."
(And on that note I had better get back to my writing.)

There is plot, emotion, great art complementing raucous text...and an element of truth in it.

Do they also send you painted rocks with googly eyes and troll hair to go along with the story about the rock? I got a couple of those when I read children's book mss.

Throwing my new story about the amazing adventures of the treehouse, the leaf, the shawl and the rock into the wastepaper basket now....

Rats.

Anon 12:51- Yes, children are usually pretty powerless-- but they TRY to assert themselves in any way they can, and their fantasy lives are NOT about being powerless. (Superheroes, pirates, knights in armor, lions, dinosaurs, sharks, etc.)

In fact, the only people who seem to LIKE powerless MCs are the therapist-guidance-counselor types, who would probably be all over "Quentin the Quartz crystal learns that life just happens and the adults are going to screw him over, but really it's not about him at all and he should just be happy because his parents are leading fufilled lives while he dies on the inside....."

But kids? They like books with action and heroes.

Anon 4:04 Am-- Brave Little Toaster doesn't count. He's ANIMATE. He goes places and does things. Like Thomas the Tank Engine-- technically, trains are inanimate, but he's not.

EA was talking about the story of Toby the Toaster-- where toby gets plugged in, watches people but bread in him, watches it pop up, watches junior put a crumbly muffin inside, watches the muffin catch fire, watches junior try to get it out with a fork, get electrecuted, and lie dying on the floor, goes to court as exhibit A in junior's mother's suit against durabrand, and finally ends up in the junkheap.

Toby doesn't ACT. He just passively has life happen to him. Even though the story has it all (fire! Electrical shock! death! Lawsuits!), Toby is just an observer. And a dull observer, at that.

I see children in parks all over the world flyin' like pigeons and shittin' on famous statues...

At least they're doin' somethin'!

Haste yee back ;-)

I've always wanted to write a story titled "The Prophet Rock"

I have no idea what it would be about...other than the fact that it would have no prophets, and there would be no rocks.

*ponders*

Of course, I would have to wonder at who would actually bother to read it.

This post (and the responses) had make me think long and hard about my own (ironic) inanimate object pieces. I'm certainly not expecting them to actually *sell*. They're just to be silly.

This is making me want to finish some more and see how they'd do as e-publications, though. Just as an experiment.

(And, actually, when I think about it, I think they actually do act. Hm.

What about a story about an inanimate object that gets shredded by an editor? Any action there?

Whoa! Are you sure you're a children's book editor with language like that?

Anyway, how is it that some people can get away with stories about inanimate objects? Someone must care if these stories are being published.
Out recently: Spoon by Amy Rosenthal, about the life of an unhappy spoon.

The Pencil by Allan Ahlberg, about, you guessed it, the misadventures of a pencil.

Rhyming Dust Bunnies by Jan Thomas...enough said.

And why are those talking tools so popular in the Handy Manny series?

Stories about inanimate objects can work if you animate the object and make it a character with emotions and the ability to act. I would argue that the successful examples cited in the comments are all cases where the inanimate object has been imbued with characteristics that make it rise above it's lowly inanimate object, but if it is only an object that gets acted on throughout the story then it will be boring as hell.

Perhaps a story about flying piece of, um, well, you know? Little Freddie Feces, upon being flushed soon after he's created, for goodness sake, soon finds himself slithering through a sewer, whereupon he wishes he were somewhere else and his wish is overheard by a magic something-or-other (Squirrel, maybe? No, what would a squirrel be doing in a sewer? Maybe a sewer rat?) and suddenly Freddie is soaring above the clouds experiencing a bliss that he never dreamed of attaining when—

Yeah, you're right. This story isn't going anywhere. Freddie just goes straight to the sewage treatment plant.

The best description I ever heard of The Giving Tree was, "If you give and give all your life, someone might finally sit on your face."

Umm..

Leaf afraid to fall:

The Little Yellow Leaf, written and illustrated by Carin Berger, published by Greenwillow in 2008 to widely positive reviews. It was a New York Times Best Illustrated Book, a Junior Library Guild Book and the art went into last year's Children's Book show at the Society of Illustrators.

Inanimate objects:

Not only the widely hated Giving Tree, but also the widely loved Sylvester and the Magic Pebble and half the stories of Hans Christian Anderson.

I know that pitches and sales meetings and all the rest of the publishing world focus on content. I appreciate, EA, the amount of dreck on these subjects you have to sort through.

But let's beware the hard-and-fast rules regarding subject. In the hands of the right creative people, anything is possible.

I meant Hans Christian Andersen, of course.

Most blog misspellings are OK. That one's not.

The Giving Tree is seriously one of my favorite books.
But LynneKelly's description made me giggle uncontrollably!

But what about the Little Engine that Could?
lol
Glad I don't write children's books.

re: Language. EA is a children's book editor, not a child.

You guys remember the blink-grin paper clip dude in the old Microsoft Word program? Okay, I think the anonymous agent just had a day where the literary equivalent of that paperclip dude landed on said agent's desk in 100 different forms.

Venting is acceptable.

Yep. The right creative people with the right creative people will make a great product. Bien sur!! :)

But I think EA is talking about things that were lame from the start.

Those get published too.

word verification: retop (verb) -- To make something better than the last success. Ex: I am going to retop my last book.

This is hilarious.

But what I don't understand is why you hate my dog and my grandchild? I don't even have a dog or a grandchild. Please stop hating my dog and my grandchild. They don't exist, and it's very confusing for me.

I will admit it's hard for my dog or my grandchild to take any action in the story. That's because they don't exist.

As for personification, well I think sometimes the shawl or the leaf or the rock are a metaphor, then sometimes you can only tell the story from that viewpoint. That's what I think, anyway.

This was fun, thanks for the chuckle. :)

A slight OT rant here on EA's language and objections to same:

The one thing that makes me want to quit writing for kids is this idiotic obsession over language. I find it infuriating that I can write about kids busting heads with a baseball bat but no one can yell, "Shit!" when they do it.

It's ridiculous. It's absurd. Words are words, there are no magic evil words, aside possibly from racial slurs that rise to the level of fighting words. But your basic list of so-called curse words are just words. And they are the right words for many, many situations.

Here's an experiment: take a hammer. Now place your thumb on a hard surface. Now hit your thumb with the hammer. Really hard.

Now tell me the first word that pops into your head. Is it "Ouch?" No, it's not. The first word that popped into your head was "Fuck!" You know why? Because that's the right word. It's le mot juste.

Insisting that the language in YA or kidlit generally be limited to whatever is approved by some Bible-verse-needlepointing grandmother in Kansas damages literature. It is irrational, it is unrealistic, and it's stupid.

Thanks for the laugh, moonrat. This post and the comments have made my day. :)

whoops! Sorry, I got my snarky blog writers confused. :P

Everyday, I find signs that I should publish my book myself and not query agents. Thank you editorial anonymous for one of the greatest signs of all. The fact that you have a "How to Tell if You're Never Going to Get Published" topic is sign enough, but this post is just icing on the cake. My God. All of those topics could be rendered into heartwarming or imaginative children's stories. Not only do you reject them out of hand, you make fun of them in a public forum? Thank you again. To think I was going to waste my time, money and energy on agents...

Fantastic. This post has earned you a new fan! Loved it...

Love your ramblings but "fuck" is a word better thought than typed... maybe if you spend a moment trying to put it into a sentence that makes sense, you'll change to a different word. I understand you read a lot of crap, but really...

You know, I'm completely in your corner on an intellectual level. I've never liked stories about inanimate objects either.

But emotionally? Good Lord! Break out the violins!

Seriously. Don't post stuff just for the sake of posting.

For fuck's sake.

The shocking part isn't EA's burst of authentic language, it is how many people are missing the point.

Sylvester and the Magic Pebble is about a boy who discovers belatedly how unpleasant it is to be inanimate. He didn't start that way and he doesn't end that way. The Giving Tree is not beloved by children--though it does continue to sell well and is probably the exception that proves the rule. (Besides, was Silverstein serious or does he burst into fits of ghostly laughter everytime someone buys this book for a hideously misguided mother's day gift?)

Think about it people--do you really have a favorite book about an inanimate object that starts inanimate, stays inanimate, and never dreams of escaping inanimation? Animating an inanimate object doesn't count--that is called imagination.

Golly, before we all start snorting milk out our noses--as working illustrator points out, Carin Berger's The Little Yellow Leaf has been extremely well received--and how about a classic like Virginia Lee Burton's The Little House? A passive observer as main character, but a story filled with action and drama nonetheless.

The truth is, children themselves personify objects all the time. I hope EA's point is that some storytelling devices are simply more likely to be mishandled.

Um, Anon 3:43? I hope you're joking....
Because if you're not.... take a look at a bunch of self-published books. Have you noticed how most of them (except for yours, of course,) suck?

Now think...why is yours special? Is it because YOU wrote it and YOU love it? Then it's probably just as bad as the others and you don't have the emotional distance to see it.

Save yourself some money. Join SCBWI, go to the library, and read about 500 picture books. Read all the new ones your library buys. Ask your librarian for recommendations--what are the best picture books of the last 5 years? What are the best of all time?

Then look at your MS again, and write another one.

Also, as for why noone publishesclassics like "The Little House" or "Sylvester and the Magic Pebble" or "Make Way for Ducklings Anymore?"

They DO. They're called 'reprints.' They sell quite well and they're excellent books, but..... WE ALREADY HAVE THEM! Why should anyone publish or read your sad knockoff when they can read the original instead?

Also.... one last bit of advice, since I'm putting off scrubbing the floor. :P

Heart-warming is hard to do. Most attempts are boring, mushy bathos. As a Mom of 3 PB lovers, I avoid heartwarming like the plague--it's almost shorthand for long and boring with too much flowery language.

Believe it or not, from the time they hit about....two, kids want action, adventure and laughs. They want books short enough to memorize, or long enough to tell an involved folktale (my older two---well, actually, the toddler too, if it involves dragons and realistic stabbings....) They want awesome illustrations. They want stories they can act out again later. Just because they;re short and talk funny does not mean that their BRAINS are stunted.....

We do some heartwarming, of course. Like the Max books by Rosemary Wells. But Rosemary Wells is Pithy, Funny, and treats her toddlers like.....human beings, not rocks!

Ok... end of rant. It's just that I get sick of how so many people who want to write for children don't understand what 'children' are.

They are short. They are clumsy. They trip over their words sometimes and their sense of 'reality' is skewed because they've experienced only a small bit of the world.

BUT: They have wills. They have (often thwarted) grand plans. They have goals. They have ideas. They like mystery and adventure, sharks and long-lost-jungle-kingdoms (my 3 and 5 have an Angkor Wat obsession at the moment--because the pics in National Geographic make it look so cool!)

Kids are NOT little lumps of unformed clay that you can project things onto or mold into whatever you want.

They're just people who happen to be shorter and weaker than you. But if you spend time with them, you'll realize that they are INDIVIDUALS and have big dreams....

OK... end of Rant. Now get out there and write something I WANT to buy for my kids! (Or email-bomb O'Malley and O'Brien and inform them that 'Captain Raptor' was way too good a concept to stop at 2 books.... my kids want MORE!)

Great post, EA. I engaged an a long argument with a big chunk of my local SCBWI group about this very issue. I argued that Edward Tulane, although written nicely, was far too passive to be engaging.

The biddies in the group argued that i just didn't understand because I wrote violent, dirty, YA boy books and didn't have the patience (read as intellect/class) to allow a story to unfold in a beautiful way.

Thank you for, EA, for this bold and truthful post.

This post is HILARIOUS. And the intense love/hate comments... made my 15 minutes of lunch all the better!

What if the rock actually sprouts legs and lips and really does something exciting?

What if the rock suddenly sprouts legs and lips and actually does something exciting?

And then there's "The Little Fir Tree" by Hans Christian Anderson that I loved, loved, loved as a child (because I suspected even then that it might be the story of my life).

But probably no one reads it anymore...

The Velveteen Rabbit?

fake-- But the rabbit and the toys are ANIMATED. They're alive.... partially-real.

To really be a story about an inanimate object, it would have to be something like.

"The rock sat on a pavement. A boy came and kicked it across the road. Beep Beep! A huge truck smacked into it. A man came by, picked up the rock, and tossed it out of the way....."

Actually, this book could be amusing if the pictures depicted Mayhem and madness with the rock in the foreground. But EA wasn't talking about funny or ironic books. She was talking about dreadfully dull books written from the POV of a MC that does not move, act, react, think or feel. Blah.

(It reminds me of the song "I felt Nothing" from A Chorus Line.....):

Second week, more advanced, and we had to
Be a table, be a sportscar...
Ice-cream cone.

Mister Karp, he would say,"Very good,
except Morales. Try, Morales,
All alone."

And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul
To see how an ice cream felt.
Yes, I dug right down to the bottom of my soul
And I tried to melt.

The kids yelled, "Nothing!"
They called me "Nothing"
And Karp allowed it,
Which really makes me burn.

Anon 3:43 said: To think I was going to waste my time, money and energy on agents...

Yes, now you can waste your time, money and energy trying to sell a self-published book to people who have never heard of you.

Ever read Stuck in Neutral by Terry Trueman? MG novel with a MC who can't do anything. At all. No purposeful movement and no communication and no sign that he is anything other than a vegetable. All he can do is feel and think about stuff.

Much like your average giving tree or magic pebble or steadfast tin soldier.

This is an Ad for a book, why would anyone send an Editor a promo for a book that is already out (all be it, self published I'm sure) and what "Readers" do you have that you should recommend they get the book? (or does this person mean US?)

It sure is annoying when spamsters get somewhat innovative!

It looks like EA will never escape the squirrels.

Interesting.I have two sons who are coping with stuttering, and I've learned a lot in the past five years. Both are doing okay in that their stuttering waxes and wanes, but mostly it's under control. The thing is, the more you talk about and emphasize stuttering (remedies), the more it can backfire. There's a huge pyschological element involved. So while you can't avoid talking about it (and

As someone who once edited a picture book on stuttering (and who has a close family member involved with the National Stuttering Association), I don't see how this is all that objectionable, except that it was sent to the wrong kind of children's book blogger. As far as I can tell it's just one of those books that cater to a very specific special-needs audience and is independently published,

A squirrel. Who stutters. An advertisement for a self-published book about a squirrel who stutters sent to an anonymous editor. Wow.The only squirrel worthy of his own story is Squirrel Nutkin. And he was a complete bastard.

We sqrls are everywhere!This came into GUD, too. The book is published by a hospital, iirc.

Hey, what about Melanie Watt's Scaredy Squirrel? Utterly neurotic and crazy-popular!

Ah.. but Scaredy doesn't stutter, he has OCD, he's a germaphobe, he is completely nurotic but he doesn't stutter :)

This sounds like an interesting book. I think any publication that helps educate people on stuttering, especially children, is worthwhile to share. I too belong to the National Stuttering Association (NSA - www.westutter.org) and it is a great place for people who stutter of all ages to meet and interact with other people who stutter. They offer local chapter meetings (including kid and teen

I agree, it's interesting enough but why would anyone send the "press relase" of it to an Editor?

I used to work at Random House Children's Books and we had a roomful of unsoliciteds. Our favorite titles were:Jesus BearTwo Boys and a FerretHell and Damnation (Illustrated)Ernie the Brick (he speaks Arabrick)And it was extraordinary how many authors thought that because I worked in children's publishing I was bound to be a bit soppy and so would send me pictures of their cat which bore no

I think that every now and then frivolity can be its own kind of morality--like Seuss or Amelia Bedelia. (Maybe the problem with a lot of frivolity is that it isn't done well?)

I heart this post.I was just talking with a writer friend on the phone about this very topic. I don't want to write issue books. I want to make kids laugh and be grossed out (a bit, not too much), and on a deeper level..problem solve. I'll find out soon if this can sell or not. But it's what I love to write.

Regardless of deep moral theme or frivolous silliness or any combo of the two, i think the #1 priority is to entertain children (and hopefully make it salable along the way?)I like your reiteration of LAYERS

Yes, thank you for reminding us of layers! It's a great way to think about just how much goes into "simple" books such as Mo Willems'.And know that I am very grateful for you this Thanksgiving, EA! I raise a spoonful of squash to you! (Just in case you're vegetarian ...)

Children love to dream and pretend. A book for children should provide the forum to do just that, freely and imaginatively.

I love reading to my son and doing all the voices.Here's another reason why a book needs layers - parents will be reading them again, and again, and again... oh god make it stop.But seriously, Thank you writers and illustrators for giving parents a bit of a giggle too.Wombat stew, wombat stew,hot and spiceyoh so niceywombat stew....

As a fine artist starting out creating - gasp - whimsical work, I added a tag-line to my business cards:"Art doesn't have to be serious not to be trivial". Not being self important takes a lot of work....

Some people might say that this gives a book weight.

So children's books are like ogres, huh? Or is it parfaits? :)

Love the ogres thing and the layers. And it's very true. An adult doesnt typically want to buy a book just because their kid likes it. As the oldest in a family with six "yung'ns" I can attest to that. If there isn't something of a point to it, it's prettymuch worthless. even candy.lol

that gave me the epic lulz

Wow.I'm sorry you thought it was funny to post this.

wow. just... wow.

The writer got waaaay to into her last non-fiction book.

Anonymous, do you think it was really meant for me? I have to think it was spam, since there isn't a question anywhere in the letter, and I'm not a publicist.

I get the feeling that poor idiot's just waiting to get stiffed by some "publicist". Shoot, I'll set her up a blog and charge $50 and consider it work well done!

Captain Obvious says: It seems fairly futile to blank the name of the author when it's one click away via their bibliography.

Yeah, you can take the time to find out who she is, but you'll also find out she is self-published (lulu.com) and gives her own books 5 star reviews. So it looks like she seriously needs a publicist. According to some of the other reviews, and this letter, she needs an editor almost as badly. Maybe she meant to send you the editor letter, EA.

>>and I'm not a publicist.<<Oh, don't be modest--that was a bang-up job of publicizing her.

I don't know how some of you found this info on anon, I thought I sort of knew about computers, the internet but you guys have far surpassed me:) Anyway, I would say to anon, what you need is to work toward an agent, not a publisist. A publisist would be for those that have already made it with recognized publishers. Meaning these authors are too busy to handle their own promotion.Of course,

According to Authors Den she has worked in advertising with some pretty huge companies. There really is no reason for this. As cute and young as she is, she should know (or find out) better. That's what we're all doing here. Sharp learning curve ahead.

Can I just post this one line? I found it in "A Message from [Name Redacted]" at AuthorsDen: "Below are several books I have recently wrote to help others."Mmmm. It kind of makes you cringe.

Um, but if she is so wealthy from selling ebooks and such on the internet, why can't she afford her own publicist?

This seems unkind to me.If someone makes a mistake, they make a mistake - I wouldn't like this to happen to a badly worded letter I sent to the wrong person.Perhaps I'm too naive, but I think I'm going to have to leave you to it.

I recommend Book No.17. You won't need a publicist then.

I second Christine--this chick needs an agent, stat. For her "fiction novel." She also needs to troll all the fabulous agent and editor blogs out there for a few months, to learn why this e-mail was such a bad idea.

Regarding her bibliography: why so many fits and starts?

10. Faith, Courage, Wisdom, Strength and Hope This is just wrong. She forgot 'Hotness.'

I'll admit I have to agree with the first Anon and doughboy.When I think of all the clueless things I've done in this business, I cringe. But if someone were to advertise my stupidity on a blog where others could find out my name, I'd be crushed.While I guess there's no such thing as a stupid question... there may very well be such thing as a stupid question turning you into a spectacle on a blog.

I can't understand why you filed this under "How to Tell You're Never Going to Get Published." A single (and perfunctory, too) Google search and I'm already at the page for "The Complete Herbal Guide," which I can certainly buy.She's right; she needs a publicist. She needs someone who knows the proper avenues and who knows how to write a press release. But her knowing she needs help with both

I admit - I have no pity for her. She's confused publicist with publishers, clearly, has a poorly worded letter to the point of laughability, and has sent a letter which amounts to SPAM.That's fair game.

If you call self-publishing on LULU being published.... um... then I don't know what to say.

I wonder if she mailed this letter to other writing-related blogs?Perhaps she thought if an editor or agent posted her letter, that she'd receive a lot of publicity. (And she sort of did. Just not the way she wanted.)Or, perhaps she thought you'd be so impressed with her long list of, ahem, published titles that you'd jump at the chance to publish her "fiction novel" even though it's only "almost

A simple and perfunctory search would result in finding out her books were "published" with Lulu. Not exactly a publishing credit!!

I think it's been filed under "how to tell your never going to get published" because the email, in essence, boils down to a query letter. I think the author emailed the pages of her manuscript, her resume/bio etc in the hopes that EA, as an Editor, might jump at signing her, all under the guise of talking about a need for a publicist. I agree the tone we are taking is harsh, mainly because we

Why did you bother to redact her name if you were going to list the books she published? LOLThough I'm sure she won't appreciate having this out there, I think it's a great tool for newbies. It does everything one shouldn't-rambling, alluding to 5 star movie potential-I learned a lot from it.She could use this as a stepping stone for her next book which could be about the do's and don'ts of

@Anonymous 12:06-- from Wikipedia: "Publishing is the process of production and dissemination of literature or information – the activity of making information available for public view."I can't see how Lulu doesn't fall into that scope. I used Lulu to print a short story collection, and I've been very happy with the results. I think it's rather like a gun; guns aren't good or bad, it's how

Anonymous 12:06 here.Good point. At least she knows she doesn't know. I only hope she figures it out soon before she continues emailing all and sundry what is an extremely embarrassing (five star, potentials...) letter.

Guess he missed the "But seriously, don't try to query me or submit to me. I'm anonymous" part. Which is RIGHT under the email address...

Anon 12:21 here. EA, whether it's spam or not, I just don't see the point of publicly humiliating someone who can be easily identified. To me, it calls your judgment far more into question than hers.

Yes, but if she didn't want to be identified she surely ought to have omitted her book titles, or specifically asked EA not to mention them.At the end of the day, it just shows that she clearly has not read much, if any, of EA's blog. If she really wanted helpful feedback from EA, and was serious about being published, why didn't she take the time to do some research and read the blog properly?

All I will say is this:People are responsible for their own unprofessional behavior, and for finding out how to behave professionally.

It's sad that someone with so little understanding of the English language thinks she's a writer. She needs to find another line of work, other than self-publishing and posting positive reviews about her own work. The only successful fiction she's created is her own self-image.

Man. I cringe. Seriously fair game, though. If you are going to send something like that out, you better know where you are sending it and why. And if it was earnest and actually meant to be an attempt to find an agent or publicist or editor (and I'm not sure it wasn't just spam advertising), then she should really stop and do her research on such topics before doing anything else. As for the

I am filled with pity.

@Anonymous (6:04): I believe that was me calling Lulu publishing. And to be candid, I published it because I do know the industry (at least for short stories, which is what my book is, mainly), and it's crap.But hey, I studied fiction with Janet Fitch and made my collection the very first e-book on Apple's iPhone. What do I know?(and of course among agents and editors self-publishing is looked

Your notions (as well as many here in the comments) represent a view of "publishing" that is, at its best, antiquated and quaint, and at its worst downright absurd.So I'm guessing you're not searching for a traditional publisher then, given that self-publishing is so awesome....Right...An apple by any other name... is still an apple. Lulu is looked own on for a reason. Doesn't matter that you

@Anon (8:00): For my novels. Not for short stories. I didn't say self-publishing is awesome, just noted that it can and often does have its place.As for the whole brick-and-mortar question: you still go to those? That's so cute. I'm telling you, it's so neat to see people going all, like, old school and such.(I think we've strayed from the original subject, though, which was Stacey Chillemi.

Anon 8PM hereYes, I hope she finds her "publicist" too :]And good luck with the novels. Yes, I still go the brick and mortar... heh. Probably not for long though, with Borders about to go under.

"But hey, I studied fiction with Janet Fitch and made my collection the very first e-book on Apple's iPhone. What do I know?"You know how to rub me the wrong way enough that I immediately discard your argument?Every self-published author I've ever known has a very healthy sense of self for sure, but a very low tolerance for criticism (see the quote above). Both of these qualities tend to show in

Writers are, by virtue of their work, skilled craft persons. As such, their work is open to review and critique. To label yourself a writer is to call everything you have written into question.This discussion is not off base or unfair. The business of writing is a harsh mistress.

This reminds me of the Catherine Aird line: If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

Really, if people can't take honest criticism, maybe they shouldn't ask for it.Please continue EA, be what you're here for :))

I still go to brick and mortar stores. I would take a date to brick and mortar stores. It's a heady, wonderful experience to reach out and touch so many books and know I can purchase them. I use things like amazon, but I don't really like it.Such an interesting discussion on whether or not she set herself up for being the bad example. I think this is more like Query Shark - you send it in, you

I too cringed. And I hope that any mistakes I make on my road to being publishing don't morror this poor author (or spammer?)

...no surprises that she illustrated the kids' books herself...

To the people thinking this is too harsh: This is the publishing industry, not social work. If you're worried about having your (or someone else's) feelings stomped on, then perhaps the publishing industry – and anything else falling under the umbra of "entertainment" – isn't for you.If this author learns from this, reads such blogs as EA's (or Miss Snark's – talk about "unkind!") and can turn to

bootsandbiddles said:"... This is the publishing industry, not social work. If you're worried about having your (or someone else's) feelings stomped on, then perhaps the publishing industry – and anything else falling under the umbra of "entertainment" – isn't for you..."Yes, publishing is harsh. Editors routinely laugh at dumb writers, whose work will never stand a chance to get published --

Okay, about the book titles...they sort of are the entertainment, or at least a good part of it. Perhaps its not fair to out her in that way, but she sent the letter to a blog. And she has gotten a good deal of attention and internet traffic as a result. Maybe she wanted that.Also, anon 2:03 aren't you doing what you claim to criticize when you put "OBVIOUSLY" in all caps??

Man, I leave for a few days and I come back to - drama! All the makings of a juicy novel, we've got the all-powerful editor, the lowly author who gets humiliated and even a gang war of "published" authors mocking the "self-published" ones. Hmmm...can't we all just get along?! EA - we may not know you but we love you!

Why are we, as writers, so eager to riducule other writers that are so OBVIOUSLY not a threat our ability to get published?Because those writers didn't do their homework. Because those writers didn;t bother to read ONE sentence beneath EA's email address. Because those writers are either dim-witted or spammers.No sympathy.

I'm uneasy with the fish-in-a-barrel quality of this post. But I'm not sure this woman counts as a newbie. She's self-published SEVENTEEN books. To me this suggests she decided long ago to disregard people like us, who judge her by standards that aren't meaningful to her at all.

I have ethical issues with the publishing of someone's private missive. Especially when it's so easy to search this author's name out via the titles given. Makes one wonder what the legal ramifications are.

Not likely that there's any legal ramifications. Stacey Chillemi sent the email to someone whose name is "Anonymous Editor", and who runs a blog. The email asks for publicity for her books. Anonymous Editor complied beyond her wildest dreams. What's to sue?The conversation about the definition of "published" is amusing also, especially the anonymous person who says that it has to appear in a

Oh, forgot to include the link regarding being skipped, which is an increasingly common book ailment that further removes presence in brick-and-mortar stores from being a good proxy for "traditional publishing".

Anon 4:47 said: "...Because those writers didn't do their homework. Because those writers didn;t bother to read ONE sentence beneath EA's email address. Because those writers are either dim-witted or spammers.No sympathy..."What are you, twelve?

Legal issues? She sent it to a blog that publishes letters sent to the blog. Is EA supposed to contact everyone who sends an email to her blog that clearly posts emails, and say wait did you really mean to send it to me? Realy? Are you sure? Okay, just checking one more time...Please.

What are you, twelve?Nope. 26. And I still have no sympathy.

I'd just like to say that I did think hard about including her oeuvre. I did it, in the end, not because it was funny but because coming at the end of a letter complaining about her lack of success, titles like "How to Be Wealthy Selling Informational Products on the Internet"; "How to Become Wealthy Selling Ebooks";and "How To Become Wealthy Selling Products on The Internet" smack strongly of

I sincerely hope that she has been one of the anon posters or is at least aware of this discussion. This is mild compared to what could happen by not doing your homework in this industry.Sometimes the best lessons are the ones that smart a bit because they make an impression. And this one seems to be smarting a bit for quite a number of people. Good lesson, EA. Thanks!

I agree that she made herself fair game. For those who think posting her letter was too rough, call the wa-a-ambulance. The fact that she has spent whatever it takes to "publish" this many books and that anyone at all has paid money to read them must say something about our society--not something good.

"I did it, in the end, not because it was funny but because coming at the end of a letter complaining about her lack of success, titles like "How to Be Wealthy Selling Informational Products on the Internet"; "How to Become Wealthy Selling Ebooks";and "How To Become Wealthy Selling Products on The Internet" smack strongly of fraud."Wait, by "letter," are you referring to the one you posted?

Oh puhlease. Come off it. Do you really expect us to believe she's rolling in the dough from her book sales when she can't even write grammatical sentences in an email? Okay, maybe she's a trust fund girl. Or maybe she won the lottery. But we all know what this is - garbage. Unless, of course, she gets a publicist, in which case the book will have the "capabilities to become a 5-star movie" and

Will Entrekin ... I think you missed EA's initial point, which was - the letter writer does not actually ask for any help from EA. All she does is tell EA that she thinks she needs a publicist for an unfinished book that she only vaguely alludes to. What on earth is EA supposed to do with that? As far as I am aware, EA is not a publicist. Furthermore, I believe that one can make certain

Please post that grad photo. Or just send it to me. Please.

This blog is anonymous. And like anonymous confession or anonymous sex, there is a brutal honesty to be found that can turn sometimes ugly in pursuit of its ultimate reward.Further to that, Will, I think it is plain you're personalizing this because a rejection of this woman's efforts (disseminating questionable self-endorsements) and its subsequent lambasting as silly and amateurish feels

Wow. Some of these comments are making me hate the world, and it is too early in the morning. Thanks for reminding me to get off the internet!

Look, there's truth to both points of view here (and I did briefly wonder when I first read EA's post)... but who among us had EVER heard of SC until we Googled the book titles? SC wanted publicity and she got it. Hell, I might even buy one of the kids' books to see how what it's really like. As I said earlier, no surprises that she illustrated them too.I woudn't be at all surprised (having known

Took a look at the 'Complete Herbal Guide." Nice cover but $40.00 for a paperback?Yes, I'd say she needs help with her selling.

The full moon. It must be the full moon's fault.

There's what the dictionary says and then there's what the industry thinks. And according to the industry, printing a book through lulu is not publication. The same as "publishing a libel" under English law doesn't require more than putting up a notice on a corkboard in a public place.And yes, many of us still go to "brick-and-mortar" stores. I was in one today, in fact. I was also in the

After reading briefly on Amazon and Writers Den, I have concluded that she is a real estate agent married to a chiropractor, with money to burn--and somebody told her she could write. Each of her book descriptions and/or excerpts is not merely awful, but spectacularly awful. Thanks for the teeth-grinding entertainment.

Anonymous,I think the fact that you went to such lengths to learn every blasted detail about this writer is seriously disturbing."Spectacularly" creepy, in fact.

I will leave the discussion of this writer's life and delusions to others, but I have a question for the group.I think that, right or wrong, a large group of amateur writers do see this kind of publishing as publishing. I'm a children's librarian, and I run into a lot of would-be writers who are considering this avenue, and also a lot of folks who are trying to get rid of entire storage units

Anon, you can't tell people what they don't want to hear.

I am amused by folks criticizing EA for making the ambitious writer's identity discoverable. EA redacted the name. The critics only know the author's name because they went and looked up the author's work--they couldn't resist the urge to spy and pry. (Unless I am misattributing motives and all you complainers wanted to purchase your own copies of the oh-so-tantalizing titles.) If you think the

"Why are we, as writers, so eager to riducule [sic] other writers that are so OBVIOUSLY not a threat [to] our ability to get published?"Maybe because this particular writer has attempted to join the ranks of shysters who bilk the (even more) ignorant by selling them overpriced advice on how to get rich, be happy and naturally cure any ailment under the sun?"I think the fact that you went to such

Ick.What a hateful thread this has become. As if getting an agent or selling a book isn't hard enough without writers trying to slaughter other (so-called) lesser writers. In reading these posts I've found myself hoping that the hate-filled posters never get a book deal. So I guess that makes me guilty right along with them. Time to check this blog off my list for awhile, I think.

I don't think anyone has an issue with this letter being posted. But I sure have a problem with EA giving up this woman's identity. The truth is, she wanted us to know who this person was. Maybe so we we'll all think twice about what we send, I don't know. But I do know, it wasn't about fraud. Come on. Fraud? I know that people like this muck up the works for everyone. I know that the

All the outrage assumes the author didn't get just what she wanted--people are googling, people are going to her website, people are talking about her. She wanted publicity--even if she had gotten it via a more traditional route, people still would go look at those titles and the reviews, etc. Yes, people here know she wrote a crap ass letter, but everyone has written a crap ass letter before.

If you guys don't leave this alone, you'll put EA off this blog, and those of us who actually learn a lot from her insightful comments will be the ones who lose out.If you're taking this blog off your list over this, fine. The world will not end for EA, you know.I have to admit, I didn't even bother looking for the author. I couldn't care less. I found the originl post mildly interesting and only

Some of you are such major whiney crybabies. Boo hoo, boo hoo. Go cry to your mama. chill the fuck out.

Yes. Can we please move on? This whole 'my morality is better than your morality' discussion is getting old. Just like changing the channel on the TV, you all have free choice to read or not read.Sorry but I'm a bit tired of people deciding what my morality should be right now. Especially when they legislate it and try to dissolve my marriage or the ability of my friends to marry. You want to

For anyone truly committed to children's books, this thread is a major bore. Really, I've been on this blog since it started and I don't think any post has received so many (largely pointless) comments. So ... in the interest of getting things back to some topic (any topic!!) that actually matters, here are some things I'd like to know/discuss:-- how does an editor go about editing a nonfiction

-- can you ever publish with more than one imprint at one house? (say, a picture book at Schwartz & Wade, a novel with Random House?)I can answer that one!!! The lovely Cindy Pon (I can drop back the link if you like but you can google and come up with her blog, "A Little Sweet a Little Sour") Sold her first novel in a two book deal a few months ago, and then the editor noticed her wonderful

I'd also like to know what is a "productive" writer in an editor's eyes? Is it seeing a novel a year? Five picture books? I'm not talking necessarily books accepted but projects submitted.And good point about the economy. Maybe there is some silver lining EA can uncover from an insider's point of view? Something we can keep in mind to weather tough times?Thanks!

Sorry, I thought this was a discussion. I didn't realize we were all supposed to agree. I've always thought one of the better things about discussion was getting to re-examine my motives and ideas by listening to others. Oops!For a blog trying to teach us about courtesy and respect in publishing, I just found all this ironic to say the least.

It's a stupid, needlessly inflammatory discussion. I think everyone agrees that this woman is an idiot. Until she posts herself with some thoughts on being outed, who gives a crap? And count up the comments. How many of them really are contributing to a "discussion"? 10? 8? 5? A number are just variations on "wow," another handful are just blatant baiting ("whiny" isn't spelled with an "e") and a

I believe EA can shut down the comments whenever she chooses. Meantime, it's always amusing when a few people try to decide for everyone--on someone else's blog--what is or isn't interesting and when a discussion should end. If the discussion bores you, why are you reading it??When companies publish poor or mediocre books solely because the authors are celebrities, how much slack do serious

Just feedback, my dear, just feedback. (Last I knew, EA liked feedback.) One could easily glean from the number of comments that this is the type of thing that readers find interesting. And, recently, there is a car-crash quality to the comments section. I know I shouldn't look but the sheer horror of it draws me in ...And sometimes there is a nugget of wisdom tucked in there. And like someone

There's a difference between a discussion and someone pushing their POV as if it's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

People always blame the snake.

Anonymous wrote:> But I do know, it wasn't about fraud. Come on. Fraud? Well she did write:1. How to Be Wealthy Selling Informational Products on the Internet12. How to Become Wealthy in Real Estate13. How to Become Wealthy Selling Ebooks14. Life’s Missing Instruction Manual: Beyond Words15. How To Become Wealthy Selling Products on The Internet...17. How Thinking Positive Can Make You Successful

thanks for writing this, because I too, was wondering about the whole "Dear Sir/Madam" when a literary agency WON'T specify which agent is in charge of particular books. So they're assholes. Go figure.

Painted in tomato sauce? Good grief, I can only imagine what that looked (and smelled) like.About the discouragement of the newbies... some of them will also go to vanity presses which assure them that their writing is great and most deserving of publication. Or they'll self-publish. I sometimes wonder what percentage of newbies do this rather than educating themselves about the industry, honing

Here's an idea if you can't tell which agent to send to...just pick one. If your query is good enough and ends up in the wrong agent's hands, they often pass it to a colleague.This happened to me and the other agent contacted me for a partial. That said, I was a newbie then and didn't really know how to find out what EA is telling you to do. It can be done and should be done...I even wrote an

Ah, thank you for the Publisher's Lunch link! I'm too vain to vanity-publish. The way I see it, if I can't get a single publisher to be interested in my manuscript, then I need to reassess my work, not the publisher. Of course, one of my goals is to have enough rejection slips to paper an entire wall of my office, so maybe I'm a glutton for punishment in the guise of learning experiences.

This was a really great post, sometimes I think I'm crazy because I just keep plugging along, stubbornly thinking that maybe I'll get somewhere, but ya know what? Maybe I will someday!

I have a question related to the second one you answered--something I've been wondering for years. A thousand years ago when I was in college I entered and happened to win a literary competition at my (tiny) university. The prize was publication in the university's literary magazine. The circulation of the magazine has got to be under a thousand, and it only came out annually. (Or, at least, this

Interesting they are both from the same press. Wonder if it is part of the 'marketing package' they offer.

Relieved to see you back alive and posting, EA! I was afraid we’d done you in with the pitching contest. Cheers!

Don't ask, don't tell ...urh, I mean show don't tell. Talk about killing a million dollar plot. War is such an eventful subject, and this pitch nearly put me to sleep. As a former Canadian Infantry Soldier and Norwich University (Corps of Cadets) alumn, I'd like to say that if I were overseas, I'd like my children to be comforted by knowing what a heroic job I was doing. This seems a little

Well... I found it on Amazon and if I wasn't already squirming at the thought of a picture book about war (featuring the authors son's) the cover clenched it for me. Not only is it the typical stick figure art but there is even GOD up in the clouds, looking down on the authors boys.I just know there is gonna be a stick figure mom baking an apple pie somewhere on the interiors!

I wish you hadn't posted this one, it's really bugging me and I'm not sure why I'm so bothered by it. Is it that it scares me that some people will actually purchase this thing and read it to innocent children?I really should be the last person to comment on poor grammar and spelling (since my little dyslexic self can single handedly butcher the English language) but MAN, someone who professes to

Is this the book that Bush was reading to those school children on Sept 11th? If so, I can understand his confusion between Iraq and Afgahnistan.

Magically Fantastic? Isn't that how they describe Lucky Charms cereal?

Thank you Christine for the details --I skipped to comments right from that cover illustration...there was more? Yikes!

The amazonians seem to dig it, it's good for "youngsters" and all that.

Just how old are Dan and Derrick? In the cover art they look around 30. Do they know their mother wrote this namesake book? Are they mortified? Why are they holding hands? So many questions.

These books are great! They may actually save book stores across the world. It sure makes me wary of ordering books from Amazon.

Oh, not this one! Every time I click on the children's / YA discussion forums on Amazon, someone who I presume to be the author of Dan and Derrick is always trying to hock this book. A parent asks for YA fantasy recommendations? Why, have you heard about Dan and Derrick's Prayer To The Troops? It's getting great reviews. A 16-year-old wants some suggestions for YA romance? Hey, how about a

Right. Interesting about those 'great reviews' on these self-published titles. Amazing how they're all glowing 5 stars raves without even a single, friendly criticism.I know POP authors are strapped for ways to market their book, but at least make it appear more realistic.

Oh wow, these are so entertaining!

The amazonians seem to dig it, it's good for "youngsters" and all that.HAHA, I know, even the author entered a glowing review of the book, without trying to hide her identity! I image the others are friends and relatives begged to write something. Somehow, My Mommy is Beautiful doesn't seem half as bad anymore!!

I believe Lucky Charms is magically delicious.

If you google the author, you will find that he actually is a notable former athlete. That tells me this ms must be really awful if a real publisher wouldn't touch it.

That's God watching the two kids? Seems more like the wolf watching Little Red Riding Hood to me. And the title is almost lost in the illustration.

OH! That's GOD in the clouds?I thought it was Zeus.God help us all.

I do understand one thing, i was glad i read this book, what goes around comes around, i applaud the author, i don't gossip or put people down. I love the story period. For those with negative comments, shame on you.

Really sad that someone will sit and write terrible reviews on authors work, anyway, old story, oprah was acused of being lesbian with her best friend gail, bush was being humiliated as a president, Jennifer lopez was being tag as a whole, etc, and so what? i trully love this authors story and i can relate to it,as long as its towards our troops, exspecially good messages like this story, i love

a. People are allowed to express their opinions. Good and bad.b. Regardless of how you feel about the quality of this book, I feel strongly that Monalisa is hurting her book's chances by employing a "marketing" plan that spams people in the children's book industry. And spamming is inconsiderate and selfish. So yes, what goes around comes around.

i don't gossip or put people down. I love the story period. For those with negative comments, shame on you.Annon 9:08, you just did ("shame on you") You put us down. This is not gossip, this is critique of a very poorly (yes, just my opinion) illustrated book, with a very badly written synopsis/query.Anon 10:35, I'd love to respond but I don't understand a word you have said here....>anyway, old

If the writing inside is so great, I'd like to know how the author didn't catch that she was paying for a fraudulent service? I'd take one look at this write up and freak. I don't think it takes a brilliant writer to realise that the book has been put on the chopping block by poor representation. And, I think that is what most people are lamb basting here ... a crap service.

I read this story, frankly speaking, loved it, yes a little typo errors that should have been corrected by the publishers rep, good little reviews is strongly advised that's all. But this story trully empowered me. Be nice everyone, read this story, you'll get it.

good little reviews is strongly advised that's all. But this story trully empowered me.OK, this is the second time I have read "trully" and, though I have dislexia, I don't think I would have made this mistake twice. I don't understand the type o reference, as there was no publisher but once again, I don't understand much of what was said in this last message.

If it is so great, than attach your name to your comment. If 5 people (not related to the author) could "trully" say something good about it, I'll gladly review it on my blog.

OMG!!!Mommy C, and this has nothing to do with our topic but...:) Thank you SO much!!! After your last post I had to check out your review blog of which you spoke and WHO did I find there??? ME:)That is so nice of you, not often do the illustrators of kids books get singled out, usually it is all about the author and this was so gratiousl of you. (to tell you the truth, the publisher didn't like

Christine, (this also has nothing to do with the topic at hand)Thanks for checking out my blog review. I feel honoured. Frankly, I do not understand PB reviews that don't mention the illustrator. It is after all a "picture" book. And, as we have seen with this heated discussion, the illustrations do count.For everyone else, please, check out "Penelope and the Humungous Burp". The pairing of

Oh, and one last thing. Christine, I didn't see an email for you in your profile so, hopefully you catch the comment here. Would you be interested in doing an interview for the Sanctuary? We love quirky illustrators just as much as quirky authors.

Darn! I was hoping you would link with a picture of a squirrel dressed in camo holding an AK. I love that one! If I still had the link, I would have sent it, but alas, I don't.

Is the query / publicity memo / whatever longer than the book?

The author is certainly, in one sense, a publishers dream. He is, if nothing else, a promotional wiz. He's even posted a video trailer for the book on Youtube!!!Certainly an agressive self published author, have to give him that.Is this common EA, that you (and other Editors) receive query's from self published authors with their finished books, do they send you the book along with their query?

So that's why caterpillars spin silk? To maliciously torment squirrels? Oh, don't even get me started.

And why are these always so miserably illustrated? There are plenty of under-employed artists out there that can do a hell of a lot better than this?Do publications like Horn Book accept self-published books for review?ulfshn

This ties in so beautifully to the question of "morality" in literature. I prefer my squirrels drunk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ikH9ZRcF2Qif the link doesn't work > youtube drunken squirrel will reward you.And it makes me wonder if the real point of such "moral" books is to serve as aversive therapy--kids exposed to this drivel will certainly avoid reading. Gah! It burns! signed, Just

I'm confused about what this is... did they send you the book?? (And if so, why???) Or was it a press release someone sent you for some weird reason???

To answer Anonymous 2:19's question about the Horn Book: not really. Generally we tell publishers they have to be listed in Literary Marketplace for us to review their books (in the Horn Book Guide). Although that doesn't stop self-published authors from submitting anyway. I wish we could post books from our "Wall of Shame" on this blog! Rachel

"...a silk-spinning worm who derives a cruel kind of pleasure from enveloping the trees in his web."One worm spun a large enough web to envelope two or more trees?Feed the worm, Mr Squirrel, and exploit his amazing silk-producing potential! You could be wealthy beyond the wildest dreams of small forest animals! I can just see the sequel : Rich Squirrel, Poor Squirrel.

Morid curiousity got the better of me and I visited iUniverse for a sample. Not only are there two pages of acknowledgents (a shout-out to the author's mom for the cover design and illustration...), there is both a foreword *and* an introduction, in a cunning stratagem to max out the kid appeal...

So much hyperbole makes a person think that there must be a an inverse relationship to the quality of the book/story.

words fail me.

I got this e-mail not once, but twice. *le sigh*I stopped reading after the Rowling and DavE reference...but since you broke it down so nicely, I now have ALL the information. :)It certainly will help the title and author names to stick in my head, but not in the way the author hoped.

i looked it up at ingram. non-returnable, short discount. so even if i wanted it, which i decidedly do NOT, i wouldn't ever ever ever order it.poor bastards.

I'll bet you $42 that this is exactly the sort of person EA was talking about in her Don't-stalk-the-booksellers post. As ridiculous and irritating as this pitch is via email, imagine how much fun it'd be to deal with this person face-to-face.

For those writers out there who think self-publishing is the way to go, here is the perfect example of why it's not. I'm glad this woman has impressed herself, her family, and her fifth grade son's class though. That in itself is something. J.K. Rowling and Dav Pilkey have nothing to fear though. I'm guessing LeCreux's book sales will never ever ever come close to theirs.

Oh, my. As EA said, "Where to start?"Who wrote that email anyway, "Reviews for a Dollar?"

"...This short fiction novel..."God, that one always makes my teeth hurt.Sad. Very sad. But yes, EA, amusing in a painful way.

I love the quote from the kid. "Something unrealistic happens and everyone just accepts it!" The true mark of a quality story.

"Teachers and parents know something about children, but they are entirely unreliable in terms of knowing what's well written and what will actually sell."A curious statement. As an educator, I read 4-5 books a day to my kids. Over 10 years of reading, I'm able to quickly gauge what books will bore my kids. I often have to paraphrase books that are too wordy, but have great pictures that hold my

I blame my typos on keyboard stick-age. Thank you.

I'm related to several teachers, so don't think I don't hold them in high regard.And as I said, teachers do know a great deal about children, and thus about what makes a book accessible to them.There's a difference between that and "well written" or "salable", however. You yourself, and possibly all the teachers you work with, may be able to recognize "well written", but there are scads of

"At a time when teachers and librarians (to my enormous ire and frustration) have fewer and fewer funds, a book is not saleable based on its appeal to teachers and librarians."And that leaves us NF writers... where?

I suspect another problem with teacher recommendations is that teachers (generally) are very nice. Especially the teacher who teaches your kid. Honestly, I've seen teachers work hard to say something encouraging to writers of very very very very very bad books. You give a book to your kid's teacher, and the teacher will try to say something nice -- especially if you're a classroom helper or

Jan -- Bingo!

I think you're probably right, Jan.And Anon 7:31, that doesn't leave nonfiction writers nowhere--you just have to create books that will not solely appeal to teachers and librarians.Cases in point: Actual Size; First the Egg; The New Way Things Work; Owen and Mzee; Oh, Yuck; An Egg Is Quiet.

You want to look for the book on Amazon and check out the tags. Okay, I'll save you the trouble:good author (1)great book (1)great gift book (1)school reading lists (1)teaching resource (1)

Jan, I think you are exactly right. I would certainly be nice to a parent or volunteer who asked what I thought about a book they wrote; even if my kids threw blocks at me halfway through reading it. I'm a teacher- not a parent- and as a former Nanny I'm constantly shocked how little parents know about their kids favorite books or children's reading tastes. Often the books they ask me to read at

Nicely put, Year!

I came by via Roger. I'm a bookseller in the kids dept. at an independent and deal with a number of local authors on a regular basis. This letter is my life! Why oh why does everyone think they can write/illustrate a bestselling children's book. I'm going to have to dig back through the archives to find the do not stalk the bookseller post.

I disagree that a book isn't "salable" if it appeals to teachers and librarians. It might not have trade market appeal, but is salable to the school/library market, which is a viable one. I do agree that most teachers (kids, neighbors, etc) are probably just being nice and telling you what you want to hear when they read your story. So, yes, editors take that with a grain of salt.

I don't think all self-published books are bad. I read one recently that was actually a really good story. I think the reason a regular publisher wouldn't have touched it is because it didn't really fit in one genre or another. But it was an awesome book.

omg...http://www.intendedcreations.com/

I came from Read Roger, too.I write a monthly children's book review column for my local newspaper--in a very remote location with a very small population. Yet determined self-published authors find me and send me their books, hoping, I guess, that the tropical sun has turned my brain to mush and I am so desperate that I will write a favorable review of their book.At first I encouraged this, not

I wish I'd seen that recipe before we had all those little cousins staying with us last week! They'd have loved it.

I'd prefer to buy the ice cream sandwiches... then just eat them. ;)

We are enjoying the cooler weather also!

My family would love this! YUM YUM YUM!!!! Thanks so much for the recipe! Here's to cooler weather! :)

The weather HERE this weekend even reminded me of northern lower Michigan/Lake Michigan weather! Sounds like you and your family enjoyed the coolness in a delightful way.

Ok that looks and sounds so yummy. Perfect for the long hot days indeed. I'd have to try a lil slice of both sides to know which was the yummiest!!! :)

My kids would totally love this! And they each could have a section with their preferred topping! What a great summer treat for hot weather - thanks for sharing!