Round Four judging for our Line-by-line novel opening contest is now complete. The top ten opening sentences are in, and literary agent
Natalie Fischer says the entries are getting harder and harder to pick--there are too many great beginnings. Without a query letter to clue her into the plot, she's having to rely on guesses about where she thinks the novel is going. And she also points out that evaluating writing of any kind is a highly subjective process.
Without further ado, the finalists are listed below. At the end of the contest,
each of them will receive at minimum a 3-page critique from one of our participating authors. If you are one of these lucky ten, please add the first five sentences of your manuscript along with your entry number and name into the comments of this post by 6:00 pm Monday, July 19th for the final round of judging.
If you didn't make it to the last round, we will be holding the promised critique clinic for you. There will be an announcement posted about it this afternoon.
Finalists
#11 L.J. Boldyrev There’s a dead girl in the trunk and all I can think about is how white the trees are. There ain’t no street lamps on this stretch of road, but still the trees glow like they’re lit from the ground up.
“Not much farther,” Jack says.
I want to tell him he’s driving too fast, to slow down so I can get a better look at the trees, but I know we got to hurry.
#18 Jenn FitzgeraldMadame Bhut’s Finishing School in the town of Whut was known across Amalthea as a respectable place to send your daughter if you were hoping to marry her to a gentleman; not for producing evil queens with ideas of world domination. That is, until Priscilla Martin escaped.
Even before she escaped, Priscilla was less than a model student. Miss Birch, the embroidery teacher, had been horrified to find that during her second week at the school Priscilla had started embroidering skulls and crossbones instead of flowers on all her projects.
#28 Cambria DillonWhoever said cell phones made life easier was full of BS. If it were true, then I wouldn’t have spent the past fourteen minutes sitting on my bed, half-naked, wondering why my thumb couldn’t do something as simple as press a button.
Girls did this sort of thing every day. Probably every minute at Pembroke, which meant I had just wasted fourteen—no wait, fifteen—opportunities to prove to Tommy that—damn it Kendall, just do it already.
#47 Margaret NicholsThe bonfire in the middle of the grand plaza of New Tikal sent sparks up to greet the low-hanging stars; the stars Mau B'ah-Pakal hoped were still speaking to him, because no one else was. He had failed his friends, offended the Emperor, and worst of all - he could barely think it - had he really shoved his grandmother?
The plaza was full of people celebrating the equinox, but Mau couldn't hide in the crowd. Although he had the chocolate skin and thick black hair of his people, his forearms and the back of his hands were covered with tattoos.
#54 shanini3 There was no mistaking the darkness on the eastern horizon; they were coming.
Malaysa clutched the balcony railing as she stared out over the land in the predawn glow from the sky. The tinkling of metal tubes continued to ring out in the air; they were what had woken her up.
Her mother, standing by her side, bore a terrified expression.
#57 SheilaJacob shook the bamboo bars of his cage agai
The results are in! Literary Agent
Natalie Fischer has picked the top 25 finalists in our
Line-by-line novel opening contest.
If your entry
is not listed below and you are one of the 25 that didn't make it through this round, we invite you to join our
Round 3 Critique Clinic to find out why. The critique clinics are an amazing opportunity to get feedback from agented, published, and debut authors who are donating their time and expertise to help you. Please see the list of participating authors and post your entry number and first five sentences in the comments by clicking here.
If you your entry
is listed below, please add a comment to this post including your entry number and the first four sentences from your YA or MG novel.
TOP 25 FINALISTS
#1 Kat ZhangAdie and I were born into the same body, our souls’ ghostly fingers entwined before we gasped our very first breath. Our first few years were our happiest—then came the worries: the tightness around our parents’ mouths, the frowns lining our kindergarden teacher’s forehead, the question everyone whispered when they thought we couldn’t hear.
Why aren’t they settling?
#2 Creepy Query Girl ‘How do you punish someone who’s already dead?’ Gretchen Grey tightened her grip around an umbrella handle while she waited for her parents to arrive. Her haunted blue eyes examined the London townhouse where she had grown up.
#11 L.J. BoldyrevThere’s a dead girl in the trunk and all I can think about is how white the trees are. There ain’t no street lamps on this stretch of road, but still the trees glow like they’re lit from the ground up.
“Not much farther,” Jack says.
#14 cchant My hope of living a normal life in Lindenville faded faster than my fifteen dollar jeans the moment I got to the school bus stop. How could anything be normal after you hear you’re living with a dead girl?
“That’s Laura’s house. You don’t belong there.”
#18 Jenn FitzgeraldMadame Bhut’s Finishing School in the town of Whut was known across Amalthea as a respectable place to send your daughter if you were hoping to marry her to a gentleman, not for producing evil queens with ideas of world domination. That is, until Priscilla Martin escaped.
Even before she escaped, Priscilla was less than a model student.
#20 HeatherAmidst the never-ending fires and screams of defiant terror, Abby collapsed to the ground – feet twisting inward, eyes unwilling to stay open, and desperately wishing to pass out. Exhausted from the chase, tired of the hiding. For fifteen years, she had never felt her stomach cave in from hunger like it did now; even the stench of death and decay rooted beneath her skin as if it were her own that was blackened with Consumption.
#27 salarsenッThe challenge began like all the rest, although the dead corpse-look was different. Ana wished she could ignore it, pretend it didn’t exist, but that never worked. She could feel them.
#28 Cambria Dillon Whoever said cell phones made life easier was full of BS. If it were true, then I wouldn’t have spent the past fourteen minutes sitting on my bed, half-naked, wondering why my
Literary agent
Natalie Fischer, the judge for our current
Line-by-line Novel Opening Contest, has sent us her picks for the top 25 finalists. Unfortunately, that meant cutting another 25 entries that did not make it through to the next round. Overall, these are fantastic openings. To help make them even stronger, our panel of agented, published, and debut authors have offered to critique the first five sentences of these novels right here, so we
all can learn to strengthen our writing.
This is an amazing opportunity. These authors have all been through the querying process and won. They have been providing thoughtful, incredibly detailed critiques. We urge you to take advantage of this chance to develop your novel opening. (Marissa and I only wish
we could benefit from their expertise and patience!)
To enter the Critique Clinic with our fantastic panel of guest authors, if your entry appears below, please add your entry number and the full first five sentences of your novel in the comments of this post before 6:00 pm Monday, July 12, 2010.
Please Give a Warm Welcome to Our Participating Authors:- Barrie Summy writes a humorous tween/teen mystery series for Random House. Her books include I SO DON'T DO MYSTERIES, I SO DON'T DO SPOOKY, the just-released I SO DON'T DO MAKEUP and the upcoming I SO DON'T DO FAMOUS. She lives in San Diego with her husband, four chatty children, a dog named Dorothy, two veiled chameleons and 83 chameleon eggs. She is addicted to the internet and licorice.
- Riley Carney is seventeen years old and has written seven MG/YA novels. The first book of the five-book Reign of the Elements Series,The Fire Stone, was released January 2010, and the second book, The Water Stone, will be released August 2010. Riley is passionate about promoting global literacy through the nonprofit corporation that she founded because she believes that the way to help children break the cycle of poverty and exploitation is through literacy.
- Tracy Clark has completed two YA novels and is currently working on her third. She is represented by Michael Bourret of Dystel & Goderich Literary Management. She’s a wife, mother, lover of words, private pilot and irredeemable dreamer. Tracy was mentored by bestselling author, Ellen Hopkins, in the NV SCBWI Mentor Program.
- When Cole Gibsen isn't writing she can be found shaking her booty in a zumba class, picking off her nail polish, or drinking straight from the jug (when no one is looking). Cole's debut YA paranormal, Katana, is due out from Flux in spring, 2012.
- Tahereh a.k.a. T.H. Mafi works as a graphic designer. Her blog Grab a Pen consistently entertains the masses. She writes YA novels and is represented by the ever-fabulous Amy Tipton of Signature Literary Agency.
- Lisa Green
Awesome openings. Great work people. Glad I'm not judging. Have a super day.
Congratulations to the top 10!
These are all so great! And Natalie is an amazing judge! Congrats to the top 10!!!
Yay! Congrats to everyone who made it this far! I can't wait to read them all!
Wow! These are awesome! Thank you so much! :-)
L.J. Boldyrev (Lacey)
#11
There’s a dead girl in the trunk and all I can think about is how white the trees are. There ain’t no street lamps on this stretch of road, but still the trees glow like they’re lit from the ground up.
“Not much farther,” Jack says.
I want to tell him he’s driving too fast, to slow down so I can get a better look at the trees, but I know we got to hurry. This dead girl won't stay dead for long.
congratulations, guys--love all these entries! Good luck.
great entries everybody!
#18 Jenn Fitzgerald
Madame Bhut’s Finishing School in the town of Whut was known across Amalthea as a respectable place to send your daughter if you were hoping to marry her to a gentleman; not for producing evil queens with ideas of world domination. That is, until Priscilla Martin escaped.
Even before she escaped, Priscilla was less than a model student. Miss Birch, the embroidery teacher, had been horrified to find that during her second week at the school Priscilla had started embroidering skulls and crossbones, instead of flowers, on all her projects. Miss Ash discovered that not only had the girl never had any drawing instruction before (which she considered a horrible oversight on the part of the girl's parents), but Priscilla was also partial to drawing dreary forests and populating them with monsters.
Congrats everyone! This was a great experience. Thank you.
These are great! Congrats to the top ten, woohoo!
These are all really good!
Congrats to everyone! These openings are fantastic!
Cambria Dillon
#28
Whoever said cell phones made life easier was full of BS. If it were true, then I wouldn’t have spent the past fourteen minutes sitting on my bed, half-naked, wondering why my thumb couldn’t do something as simple as press a button.
Girls did this sort of thing every day. Probably every minute at Pembroke, which meant I’d just wasted fourteen—no wait, fifteen—opportunities to prove to Tommy that—damn it Kendall, just do it already.
Grinding my teeth, I lifted my arm and pointed the viewfinder at my chest.
Awesome! Congratulations on making it this far, everyone!
#58
Dearest Mother;
I know you’ve been wanting to hear the latest gossip from this end of the underworld, but the truth is, that there hasn’t been much going on since his Evil Lordship succumbed to death by piano. Hopefully you’ll be pleased that I’ve been trying not to complain about the piano not landing on Grok instead (and that I’ve only been taunting him in the gruel line at breakfast). Also, no matter what you’ve heard, I was not the one who gave him that atomic wedgie.
As for the new guy - it’s not right to speak ill of the heir to the Evil Lordship, but the kid is hopeless. I don’t usually want to give up on the new evil overlord this quickly, but I’m telling you, I’ve spent several weeks observing him and I don’t think this kid has a mean bone in his body!
#11 L.J. Boldyrev, ftw.
it's written in a clearly unique voice that makes me want to know more about the narrator, the implied preceding action is so tantalizingly subtle it's almost maddening, and the narrator's reaction to the trees-as-distraction from the preceding action is, i think, very true to life.
again, this is a full story i want to read. now.
WOW, what a stunner of a fifth sentence, LJ Boldyrev! You are my fave, #11! I would SO like to read the rest of that book. Do I really have to wait until you get published???? Do you need a line-by-line critiquer? That's the kind of ms swap I tend to do. :)
Tom, Carol, wow. Thank you guys, so much!
Tracy, I wanted to say that I love your opening!
They're all fantastic but your voice really stands out to me, as does the subject matter.
Congrats to all the winners! I sure am glad I don't have to be the one to eliminate anyone. BTW, Marissa - you won my contest! Check it out.
Wow! I'm so excited to have made the top 10!!! There were so many awesome entries in the top 25.
#61
Homo sapiens sluttiwhen drunkus--the subspecies to which I apparently belong.
My best friend Ani handed me a tall, clear-glass cup of Armenian coffee, the kind her mom used for readings down at the Psychic Connection. "So did you at least use a condom?"
I shrugged. All 4’11” of her was going to kick my ass if I told the truth, that I was stupid and didn't use anything.
Congrats to this round's winners! Awesome job!
Angela @ The Bookshelf Muse
@ Lacey - Thanks so much for the compliment! I really like the voice in your beginning too, and love the tone you've set in your first 5. All of the entries are so good, yet so varied. I'm grateful to have made it this far, and I'm REALLY glad I'm not judging this thing! :)
Congratulations to all the finalists!
#66
Dragons are actually more curious than cats.
They proved it now, in the darkest corners of the Dreugan caves where the clan pretended to sleep. It was fairly difficult – the pretending – because of the human baby that was trying to wiggle her chubby hand into the black dragon’s mouth. Concerned about the burning acid that seeped from his tongue, he tightened his lips and gently nudged the toddler toward the blue dragon by his side, the one whose saliva was just cold and wet.
Obliging, the blue dragon pretended to yawn and left his mouth open so that the child could climb inside it.
Fabulous opening lines!
Congrats to those of you who made the top 10.
Such fantastic beginnings!
These are all fabulous- I can't imagine having to choose! Congratulations everyone who made it here. You are all obviously winners!
I'm waving the white flag here because these are so good. I wanted to say that you are all great hookers, but of course that doesn't sound right. But I'm so hooked by these. For each of these, I'm in awe of the author's ability to increase my interest with each successive sentence.
Anyway, here's mine, #57
Jacob shook the bamboo bars of his cage again, but they held fast. I couldn't look at him; not even when he whispered, "Blake, please."
I focused on Will, leaning casually against the cottonwood tree, a smile twitching the edge of his mouth as he watched Jacob. I wanted to feel as relaxed and confident as he looked. I had to convince myself that this experiment would work, that it would fix Jacob.
Great entries--I'm a little biased but my fave belongs to my blog Sister Lacey (LJ Boldyrev)!
Lol! Thanks Kristi!
Congrats to all the finalists! Great work guys!!!
Wow, these are all really good. At least we all get something whether we win first place or not! :)
#54 S. L. Bynum (Shanika Leiann)
There was no mistaking the darkness on the eastern horizon; they were coming.
Malaysa clutched the balcony railing as she stared out over the land in the predawn glow from the sky. The tinkling of metal tubes continued to ring out in the air; they were what had woken her up.
Her mother, standing by her side, bore a terrified expression. “Those are the alert chimes--the day we have been dreading has finally arrived."
#79
Holy crap! These are totally amazing and I can't believe I made it this far. Totally honored because I love them all.
I am suffocating inside my plastic lined steel barred cage; dying with the thickening silence and quiet sobbing coming from the other room. Locked inside for more than half of the day, my body twitches for the feel of the brisk air that causes my drool to freeze to my face. Big footsteps lumber down the stairs and instinctively I cower as far back inside my cage as possible, lowering my body to the pee-stained blanket in an attempt to make my big frame small while keeping my eyes downcast. A whine slips from me when he kneels in front of the cage, as I fear he is going to haul me out and give me a good beating. He stands, glaring at me with eyes full of hatred but then turns away, and just when I think I am in the clear he gives my cage a good hard kick, forcing it to almost roll over.
#47
The bonfire in the middle of the grand plaza of New Tikal sent sparks up to greet the low-hanging stars; the stars Mau B'ah-Pakal hoped were still speaking to him, because no one else was. He had failed his friends, offended the Emperor, and worst of all - he could barely think it - had he really shoved his grandmother?
The plaza was full of people celebrating the equinox, but Mau couldn't hide in the crowd. Although he had the chocolate skin and thick black hair of his people, his forearms and the back of his hands were covered with tattoos.
Unable to see his way through the close-packed multitude, Mau looked up to the stars and, hovering over the temple-pyramid like a thundercloud, the dark bulk of the Emperor's starship.