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We're all going through it, right? Though before I turned 40, I didn't give it much thought. Now I get out my mirror for a self-portrait and have to decide how many wrinkles to include. How dark to make the darkness under my eyes.
Include it all, I say! Because aging is what I plan to keep doing, as long as possible.
Acceptance is one thing. But how can I embrace the fact of getting older? Well, one way is to look at this drawing I just did, look beyond the wrinkles and see an accomplished artist with a strong line and a strong sense of rendering. There's real feeling here, the result of years of honing my skill, through many hundreds of drawings. And I can only get better, as I continue to work on my art (and my writing.)
So is it aging or is in improving? I guess it's all in how you decide to look at it.
I like that we all look different as we age, less like kids trying to play grown-up. There's so much character in laugh lines, stretch marks, and scars. How many good stories do you get from perfection?
I admit it. Snow days have got me down. Feels like I should love nothing better than more time to hang out with my beautiful daughter.
Well, yes, we've had some fun. But mommy's getting antsy. And what I realize is, I Need My Alone-Time. I'm feeling transported to when she was a baby- which I loved so much, of course, cuddling that little bundle of sweet-smelling sweetness. But it also brought out a restlessness in me that made me wish I was a seahorse or a penguin, and the guy was in charge.
Then we scored a playdate at a friend's house. I thought I should write, but I felt so emotionally discombobulated. So I did this self-portrait.
Centering, that's what it is. Art that nobody's going to buy. Because it's just between me and my sketchbook, myself and I.
When she came back from the playdate, we had a good, long cuddle session on the comfy chair. Because she was back. And so was I. Know what I mean?
2 Comments on Self-Portrait #572, last added: 1/13/2011
How dishevelled I look! How worn out! Almost fading away, like the wicked witch at the end of the W of Oz. This drawing is dated April 2004. Madeline was one year and two months old.
When I was pregnant, so many parents said, "You'll never sleep again." Of course I thought they were exaggerating. Well, my daughter is now seven and she still often wakes me up at 6:25 with a loud, "There were aliens in my dream, mom!" At least she's no longer nursing. And she's almost sleeping through the night.
I miss sleeping until 9 or even later sometimes. Such a foggy happy memory from the distant past.
So should I look forward to the teenage years when she'll sleep more? Or will I be lying in bed awake with other worries?
Parenting is quite an adventure, isn't it? What are you struggling with? How do you express your creativity around those issues?
0 Comments on Self-Portrait As A New Mom as of 1/1/1900
They say the eyes are the windows of the soul. I went to the opticians today and came back with these pictures of mine:
The yellow dots in the middle are my optic nerves. You can see the dominant colour is green (a little like Johnny Mackintosh), but I have darker, brown areas while Johnny has silver flecks. I love the detail, that these look like the landscapes of strange alien worlds. The strange black lines on the right eye, like death spikes of an Andromedan Star Destroyer, are my overlong eyelashes.
The first one is from 1996. The second one is from today. So what's changed since 1996?
I cut my hair (and dye it now.) I got married. My mother died (in 2000.) The twin towers. I had a baby (in 2003.)
I stopped drawing for awhile there, though I was doing some wild abstract paintings. A few months after Madeline was born, I wrote a picture book. A few years ago, I bought myself a new set of rapidographs. And a bunch of woodless pencils (my favorite kind of pencil!) and a few china markers (hard to unravel.) So I'm drawing again.
But what else is different? I feel like I hardly know that bold, confident young woman from 1996. Before all that crap happened. Before I spent so much time worrying about my parenting skills, or lack of. She looks so carefree.
I am not carefree. But I do have my set of rapidographs and a brand new bottle of ink.
And I've written a bunch more books. And I am more likely now to go to conferences and talk to people I don't know. I am more able now to send my stories and drawings out into the world and greet rejection letters with a 'that's okay; I'll just keep trying." I am more able to say "I'm an artist." Because I really am. So maybe this is the new, bolder Constance, after all. The one who is writing a blog in 2010. Which is something I never would have done (technology notwithstanding) in 1996!
2 Comments on Self-Portraits, Then and Now, last added: 3/15/2010
I have always admired your work as I hope you know.
And Con, you have changed as we all have. But one thing remains a constant. You are a beautiful woman full of compassion. That my friend is what maketh the woman. =)
Phil McAndrew is offering this up as a contest to win minicomics, original art, and other swag, but it’s as fun an art meme as any other I’ve seen: Draw Yourself at 100.
Johan Leion has been drawing a self portrait every day for a year, and judging from the results, it’s prime evidence that these sorts of projects increase one’s creative skills. It’s only after he starts trying to fight the monotony of such a task by experimenting with new media, techniques, and styles that they start to get interesting.
2 Comments on Artist draws daily self portraits, last added: 5/16/2009
Here I am as Cinderella, as the two evil step-sisters and yup you guessed it- thats me as the evil step mom too!!! I had a lot of fun with this one - I have myself as Pinocchio and as Alice in wonderland too - but I don't think those are Grimm!
I've been working on glass illustrations lately to check them out just visit my blog.
Check out The Portrait Party...a blog that deals with portraits and is now accepting posts of artist's self-portraits. I don't have time to do one at the moment, but am posting about it for you all. It sounds like a fun challenge.
0 Comments on The Portrait Party as of 1/1/1900
Ginger*:)* said, on 2/15/2008 7:43:00 PM
This is too much fun to ignore. I hope I have time to do one. The ones that are up already are great.
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For years now, I've been getting older. 
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So well said. I vote for improving!
Kit Grady
I like that we all look different as we age, less like kids trying to play grown-up. There's so much character in laugh lines, stretch marks, and scars. How many good stories do you get from perfection?