10. Mother’s Day is not a day. It covers the entire weekend from Thursday 6 p.m. through 9 a.m. Monday.
9. Instead of escorting spiders, ants, mosquitoes, earwigs, etc…out of our home, I will kill them on the spot.
8. You are not allowed to cry over said insects bereaved family members or wonder aloud about how said insects’ parents feel.
7. Don’t correct my grammar. I worked at the Chicago ‘effin Tribune, for God’s sake.
6. Do not, under any circumstances, say, “Mom look!” unless you are skydiving or graduating from high school.
5. I do not know where anything of yours is located.
4. I will change the TV channel at the drop of a dime to “The Dog Whisperer” or HGTV.
3. The words “Harry” and “Potter” are banned.
2. Play with those &%$ Zhu Zhu pets that I went insane trying to find for Christmas.
And my Number One rule on Mother’s Day……
1. Ask Daddy.
A shout out to MOMS — let’s make this list gigantic and laugh! Add some rules. Your day starts tonight.
This one applies to Daddy: A reservation is in order for Mother’s Day. As cute as you may think it is that the kids “made” me breakfast, it isn’t. I’d rather skip the watery coffee with grounds floating in it, the half-baked waffle with the runny inside and the strawberries with dog hair stuck to them. Oh yeah, and if I’m drinking OJ out of a champagne flute, it better have some bubbly in it! No breakfast in bed. I’ll get up, put on some real grown-up clothes, do my hair and make-up and feel like a human being. Three words: Mother’s Day Brunch!
Especially for someone like you who cooks, cooks, and cooks….real food.
Amen and Amen! LOL!!!! Happy Mother’s Day weekend to Mom’s everywhere…
You can ride the ‘L’ by yourself when I’m dead.
Now that’s the Marie we know and love.
Any dishes (or countertops) dirtied during this weekend will be washed and put away the same day they are dirtied… Mom will have NO part in this!! (aside from the dirtying, if she chooses)
So I guess you’re trying to tell us that kids never grow out of this bad habit, no matter how hard we try
The only bottom I’m wiping this weekend is my own.
The Chinese buffet is your favorite restaurant, NOT mine.
Yes, I am smarter than a fifth grader. I’m also smarter than a preschooler, first grader and third grader. I may not be smarter than my husband, but just for the weekend pretend.
Just keep adding but the first one stopped me in my tracks
Me, too. I’m gonna use that line.