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Withholding information

When a reader first opens your novel or story and reads the first line, the first paragraph, have you welcomed the reader and tried to put them at ease? It is imperative to invite the reader into a story in a way that puts them at ease. This means clarity must rule. The reader must never question where the story is taking place, or what—exactly—is happening in this scene. You do not have to spill all the backstory at this point—that doesn’t work. But the reader should know when, where and who and a hint of why.

Setting. The setting should be clear and specific, with sensory details appropriately sprinkled throughout the opening scene. This includes information on the geographic location, time frame (e.g. 6th century BC or 2017A.D), and something about the emotional territory.

Character. In the opening pages, the reader should meet a character that intrigues. Please, don’t name five characters on page one and expect the reader to stay oriented. Instead, give each important character a grand entrance. The inner life of the main character should start to come alive, as well. What does s/he fear, love, long for?

Cautions: The worse drafts hide information, wrongly believing that just giving a hint here or there is the best strategy. Instead, the reader becomes confused and closes the book, never to open it again. The great sff writer Orson Scott Card wisely said, “The only thing to withhold is what happens next.” Within the context of a scene, this is exactly right. The reader should understand exactly what is going on—and be so enthralled that s/he turns the page to find out “what happens next.”
Don’t use this as an excuse to include backstory, though! Backstory comes ONLY at the point at which it will create an emotional crisis in a reader. Instead, when the reader is deep within a scene, they should only care about what happens next.

Voice is too formal

In the search for a great voice, some writers fall back on their English class and write too formally. Great fiction is informal writing. This means you can use slang, jargon, curse words (when appropriate), incomplete sentences, sentence fragments. You can, and should, interrupt someone when they are speaking. Characters can be rude. A great novel is not a tea party! Stop being so polite, so formal.

Try making up rules for yourself–play with the formality of your novel; keep what works and discard the rest. Don’t like my rules? Make up your own. But play!

• For every ten sentences, you must use a sentence fragment.
• You must use one slang/jargon word per page.
• You will write one section of dialogue (about 10 exchanges) and every bit of dialogue is incomplete sentences.
• In every chapter, someone must be rude.

Boring

Yawn. What happened in this chapter?
Nothing.
Then, why is the reader turning pages?
They aren’t!
A good exercise is to go through each chapter and write one sentence that summarizes what happens. Something important must develop or change in some way in every single chapter. Novelists do not have the luxury to stop and give us back story or tell every single detail of the setting. You must pick and choose from among the myriad of details, bits of dialogue, actions, thoughts and arrange them in an exciting, fascinating, intriguing order.

Stoic Character

For every action, your main character should have an emotional reaction. Why else is the reader following this character around? OK. Not every single action. But it’s a good exercise to try: underline the actions, and circle the main character’s emotional reaction to what just happened. How do they correlate? Do we have 100 actions and only one emotional reaction? Where ever you are on the continuum from no emotional reaction to 100% emotional reactions, evaluate it in terms of your character, your novel. Is the reader getting enough of your MC’s inner life to keep turning the pages? From my experience as a first reader, most novelists err on the side of not enough emotion. If this is hard for you, push yourself toward too much emotion and you may wind up about right.

Balance

Writing a novel is a continual decision-making process. For each detail you might include, there are dozens of great ways to put that into words. We go from words to sentences to paragraphs—and each word selection carries connotations and denotations. It’s complex! The variety of ways to tell a story are amazing. What scenes do you include/exclude, and why? What character is the main character? The point of view character?

Throughout the process of writing a novel, it’s a balancing act all the way. We walk a tightrope upon which we build a story. One misstep and the reader falls off.
This is one of the main reasons why first pages go wrong. 90% of a story may be working, until a sentence here, a word there, a questionable emotion in the midst of the scene—and the reader puts the book down. Fine tuning the novel is crucial. Here is where first readers can really help, by marking the places that are “off.” Even if they can’t articulate WHY this section is OFF, they know it when they read it. You don’t want an English teacher marking up the story with red marks. You want a sensitive reader saying, nope, this doesn’t fit. Don’t know why, just know it doesn’t fit.

It’s a matter of balance: every word must belong. Nothing must be out of place. The reader must keep turning pages with no interruptions in the flow.

This past weekend, I attended a writer’s workshop where we had a first pages critique session. That’s when an author panel hears the first 200 to 300 words of a manuscript, and then gives feedback to attendees. Basically, what these published experts ask themselves is, “Would I keep reading after this first page?”

You don’t have to write for children to learn a lot from first page critiques. And you don’t have to write a novel, either. Because the point of a first page is always the same: you have to grab your reader right from the very beginning!

Two hundred and fifty words. That’s the average number of words in that first page. Geez, that’s not much. But that’s all that you, the writer, have to grab that editor or agent or publisher before he or she moves on to the next manuscript. So how do you make every word count?

Here are the top suggestions I heard during the critiques, and the discussion that followed:

“You don’t have to explain the whole plot on the first page, but you do have to give an idea of what the story is about.”

Don’t fill up your entire first page with lovely description of your setting. You can weave that lovely description into the plot (what the story is about). Whoever or whatever is mentioned in the first page should be important to your plot (what the story is about). Resist the temptation to throw in anything that doesn’t relate to…yeah, I think you know what’s coming: What the story is about. Which brings me to the next suggestion.

“The voice or the narrator captures the reader’s attention from the get-go. If we don’t know who the protagonist is, we won’t be interested enough to keep reading.”

Your voice must be strong right from the start! Your audience needs to care about what will happen next—and more importantly, who has something at stake in the story. Read a few of the first pages of your favorite novels, or short stories, memoirs or essays so you can see how the writer manages to invest the reader in the story, right from the very beginning.

That’s what you want in your first page. After that, the rest is easy. Well, easier.

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Visit WOW! Women On Writing for lively interviews and how-tos. Check out WOW!'s Classroom and learn something new. Find jobs on the Freelance Job Board. Enter the Quarterly Flash Fiction Contest. Open Now!

Every year we have a writing contest for the writers attending the Writers’ Retreat. The attendees vote and rank the entries and the top five are given to the editors and they pick a winner, rank the other four, and prizes are given out.

Each year, I share the writing prompt with all of you, so you can give it a try. There are no prizes involved as there are with the retreat, but this year the top 4 writers who send something into me will receive a critique of their first page by Author/editor Anita Nolan. Retreat attendees can also participate and submit what they wrote for the retreat contest.

Make sure you put “September First Page Blog Submission” in the subject area. Email them to: kathy(dot)temean(at)gmail(dot)com.

Here is the prompt:

_____ had never given much thought to….

or

_____ never thought about…

You can use either one, but weather should factor into your first page somehow.

Deadline: September 23rd.

September 30th: Results Posted

Retreat attendees were given other prompts to choose from. We will use these later as prompts.

Talk tomorrow,

Kathy

From Betsy Devany: 

I am in North Carolina now where the weather teases me, making me yearn for spring.  Back home there is still nearly two feet of snow on the ground, the threat of more snow on its way, and temperatures that hover in the low teens.

In Chapel Hill, pansies are blooming, and by mid-afternoon, I peel off my winter jacket, settle on a bench and unwind.

This is when I see the turkeys. They wander through the neighborhood as if going for their daily stroll during which they discuss life.

What if that really was the case? What would two turkeys talk about while out and about? 

You may also consider these questions while you study the photograph:

1. Is your mc familiar with the turkeys?
2. Is your mc visiting this house or does your mc live there?
3. Is your mc one of the turkeys?
4. Does your mc ignore the turkeys, chase them, watch them, or do something else?
5. Where are the turkeys going?

Now write a one-page response to the picture starting with the following: _______ couldn’t believe _____ eyes . . .

I would love to hear what you come up with! Happy writing! Betsy  www.betsydevany.com

Good luck with coming up with a unique idea.

Talk tomorrow,

Kathy