Sharing the first scene of my first play, "A WEDDING" a.k.a. "MAKE ME A WEDDING." A comedy, the story focuses on the trials and tribulations of a young couple who want a small, intimate wedding, versus the bride and groom's mothers, who want an all-out, no holds barred (expensive) affair.
In this opening scene, the bride announces her engagement to her parents.
A WEDDING
ACT 1
Scene I
SETTING: Greenberg family living room. Plastic slip-covers cover,
kitschy French-provincial furniture, circa 1970’s. On
either side of the couch are two end tables with drop
“crystal” lamps on each table
kitschy French-provincial furniture, circa 1970’s. On
either side of the couch are two end tables with drop
“crystal” lamps on each table
AT RISE: A tense MORTY GREENBERG paces, stopping
periodically to glance out of a window.SADIE his wife, sits in an armchair, absorbed in her knitting.
She glances up from time-to-time to watch MORTY
TIME: Late evening
SFX: television blaring
What time is it now?
SADIE
Five minutes later than the last time you asked me. Stop
pacing already or you'll wear a hole in the carpet. It's thin enough as it isMORTY
(staring out of window)
What could they be doing in the middle of the night?
SADIE
Counting toothpicks in a restaurant. What's it your business? She needs your permission to stay out late?
MORTY
What'll the neighbors think?
SADIE
Oh pul-l-eeze! Get a life. They'll talk no matter what she does or doesn't do and what they don't know, they make up. Sit down and watch TV
MORTY
I can't focus knowing that my daughter is out there – somewhere - doing who-knows-what. Maybe we should go search for her or better yet, call the police
SADIE
Not! If we brought her up right, she's okay. You stay up and wait for her if you want but I'm going to bed
MORTY
Don't you wanna be here when she comes in?
SADIE
(standing)
Why? She doesn't know the way to her room? Come to bed, Morty!
MORTY
Some mother you are. What happens if… if they were in an accident or something? Maybe they're injured and can't call us
SADIE
Rachel has a cell phone
MORTY
Maybe the cell phone got crushed along with the car…
SADIE
…and maybe you should get a life?
MORTY
I'm staying up and waiting for her like a good father, unlike other people who are more interested in their beauty rest. Like it'll help anyway… I can’t take it anymore! I’m calling the police
SADIE
Enough already! Really Morty, she’s 22 years old. Sit here if you want to but I gotta get some sleep
MORTY
Sure, go to bed and leave me all alone to wait for your daughter
SADIE
How come she’s “your daughter” when she does things that you don't like? Besides, I'm sure David is taking good care of her
MORTY
That's what worries me!
SADIE
Move away from that window or the neighbors will think you're a voyeur! Did I mention Becky's daughter got engaged last night? Don't think she didn't rub it in about the big diamond that her Joanie got. Two carats she tells me! Like the size of a diamond would interest me!
MORTY
(flipping TV clicker)
Of course not! Things like that aren't important to a person with your class. You materialistic? Never!
SADIE
It's what's inside a person’s heart that counts, not the size of a bank account. That's what I told Becky. Honestly, that woman is so money-oriented! I don't know how we stayed best friends all these years
MORTY
Are you telling me that you’d hold it against a potential husband for your daughter, if he was cash-friendly?
SADIE
Let me put it this way: if and I say if, the boy happens to come from a wealthy family, I wouldn’t hold it against him. I'm not prejudiced that way. Listen, I get dark circles under my eyes if I don’t get enough sleep
SADIE exits
MORTY
(calling after her)
“And you need all the help you can get!” Dark circles aren't her only problem. The woman needs a complete head transplant. Where's that daughter of mine?
SFX: key in lock
MORTY rushes to chair and feigns sleep
RACHEL
(V/O)
'Don't forget to call me the minute you get home! Mom will be thrilled when I tell her our news. Wave to Mrs. Belinsky across the road, the nosy busybody. I love you, David!'
RACHEL enters
Hi popsy. Wha'cha doin' up so late? Are you waiting up for me again?
MORTY
Wha…hmmm..? Must'a fallen asleep in front of the TV. What time is it?
RACHEL
What am I going to do with you, pops? Where's mom?
MORTY
Your mother was tired so she went upstairs. She was knitting me another one of her scarves to join the other sixteen stored away in the closet. When will she realize that I only have one neck? Where were you so late?
RACHEL
I was under the impression I can come home whenever I feel like it – at least that’s what you tell me
MORTY
What'll the neighbors think, a nice girl like you coming in at the crack of dawn?
RACHEL
Would you prefer that I move out altogether and you won’t have to worry about what everyone will say? Let them mind their own business for a change
MORTY
It's a lot to ask to call home and say you're alive?
RACHEL
Can we move on? I have something important to tell you both. Better still, go wake up mom. She'll wanna hear this
MORTY
Something is wrong! I knew it! I told your mother that she should wait up but did she listen? Noooo! Her beauty rest is more important
RACHEL
Why do you always think the worst? It just so happens that this is fantastic news and mom will be thrilled when she hears what I have to say
Dances around room, waving her left hand
D'ya notice anything new – like - on my left hand?
MORTY
You changed the color of your nail polish?
RACHEL
Look close…realLY close
MORTY
Whoa! That’s new since breakfast?
RACHEL
You do know what this means…
MORTY
A miracle! At last there's gonna be another male in the family and I'll have a chance at winning an argument, for a change!
RACHEL
I didn't expect that kind of reaction but I'll take it as a sign you approve?
MORTY
What's not to approve? The groom to be is David?
RACHEL
Who else? You know we've been seeing each other seriously and there's never been anyone else in my life, nor will there ever be. He's the most wonderful, sensitive, romantic…
MORTY
And those are just his so-so qualities. Only joking, honey. He's a good guy and normal, unlike some of those other weirdos you brought home to us. I still break out in a sweat thinking about - what was his name now - Clifford? What kind’a person tattoos the name of his girlfriend on his forehead and God knows where else?
RACHEL
That was just a high school crush, pop and besides, I
kind’a thought it was romantic at the timeMORTY
Sure you would 'cause you're not a parent - yet. Let’s see now - who came next? What did he call himself - Pukey? Porky? And then there was…
RACHEL
I get your point, popsy
MORTY
Remember your first rock concert? I couldn't hear for three days and never told your mother. Let me tell you - it was bliss!
RACHEL
So? I'm still waiting for congratulations and a kiss
MORTY
(hugging RACHEL)
My little girl - a bride! That means I’m old. I’ve never been old before
RACHEL
How 'bout go get mom so I can share the good news with her, too?
MORTY
You want me to go wake up sleeping beauty? If I disturb her beauty rest, she'll open up a mouth to me but if I don't… Be right back
MORTY EXIT
SADIE
(V/O)
‘Whad'ya doing? Lemme alone Morty. I'm tired! It's not Saturday night…go watch another program or something. What about Rachel? Are you talking about our daughter,…. Get me my duster in the cupboard! The other one! That's for the rummage sale. Do you ever look at what I wear?’
SADIE rushes on stage followed by MORTY
Rachel, is this another of your father's senior moments?
RACHEL
(extends hand)
So? Look for yourself!
SADIE
It's about time! Looks like a decent sized diamond. Must be - what - a carat at least? Bigger maybe?
RACHEL
David surprised me with it tonight. We don't want a long engagement so you won't have to plan a big party
MORTY
You're both so young. What's the big rush?
SADIE
They've been going out for five years! D'ya want she should be an old maid like your sister Miranda? I'm so excited! Becky's Joanie got engaged yesterday so she only beat you by one day!
RACHEL
This isn't a contest as far as I'm concerned. We want to get married in three months
SADIE
(ignoring RACHEL)
A summer wedding would be perfect, don'cha think? Maybe we could have it under a tent, in the back garden, just like those fancy society weddings. Mind you, indoors might be better in case of rain, but we have plenty of time to talk about the details
RACHEL
Did you hear what I said? We wanna get married in –like -three months
SADIE
Come again? I gotta get my ears checked 'cause I thought I heard you say three months
RACHEL
Your ears are fine, ma, and even if - and I say if - we wanted a garden wedding, pops has his old cars stored on the lawn, along with a thousand spare parts covering every square inch
MORTY
Listen, you want a reception in the back yard, I'll move everything into the garage…
RACHEL
It has to be at that time because David's been invited to be a keynote speaker at a big lawyer's convention in Europe , so we'll make it a working honeymoon. It's the only time we're both free
MORTY
…maybe call a few scrap dealers today to see what they'll give me. At least we'll have a couple of extra dollars towards the wedding expenses…
SADIE
Typical! Your father is worrying about the gelt, already! You expect we should get everything together in such a short time? It takes a year at least to reserve a place and even then, we have to talk to a caterer, get a band…
MORTY
…then again maybe I should keep them all. 'Ya never know when my car is gonna die on me. It's going on nine years already
RACHEL
There’s something else I haven't told you. We want a small wedding with just close friends and family, so there shouldn't be any problems with the arrangements
SADIE
Grabs chest, feigns shock and grabs MORTY for
supportRACHEL
We'd rather put everything towards important things like buying a house. You should be happy with all the money you’re gonna save
SADIE
Happy? You're gonna kill me! What'll I tell my friends? They'll think we're too cheap or can't afford to marry off our only daughter right! You can't do this to me Rachel!
RACHEL
Sorry? It's our wedding and we want to keep it small. The idea of inviting a lot of people we don't know is not for us! I'm really tired and not prepared to hash this out with you now. We'll continue tomorrow when I'm fresh and can think clearly. At least I'll have a fighting chance
RACHEL starts to leave
SADIE
Stay right where you are! I wanna hear all about how David proposed. This is what a mother waits for!
RACHEL
I promise to tell you everything only let me get a couple of hours of sleep. Please?
MORTY
Let her go to bed, Sadie. The kind of wedding you want will put us back a few dollars. I like the idea that the kids are thinking small. Small is good
You would, Mr. Cheap-skate! I'm sure David's family would want a decent-sized affair, too. Open up your pockets father-of-the-bride and let the moths fly out! Small wedding - over my dead body
MORTY
That can be arranged
SADIE
(taunting)
"Cheap-cheap-cheap…"
RACHEL
I've heard enough for one night. Enjoy yourselves, you two!
RACHEL exits
SADIE
You don't get it, do you? A big wedding means nice gifts. Have a small wedding and you end up with a bunch of fruit bowls and vases
MORTY
As far as I know, the only green growing on our trees are leaves. I have to worry about the cost if you don't
SADIE
What's money when you're marrying off your only child? Dear, dear, husband of mine, you should keep your nose out of things that aren't your business. Planning a wedding is a woman's affair. The husband only writes the checks
MORTY
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