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Blog: TWO WRITING TEACHERS (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: conventions, editing, grammar, dialogue, punctuation, paragraphing, Add a tag
Great dialogue gives your reader information about your characters' fundamentals, history, and wants.
https://warriorwriters.wordpress.com/2016/07/18/it-aint-just-talk-3-crucial-elements-of-great-dialog/
Avoid these common errors in writing your dialogue.
https://warriorwriters.wordpress.com/2016/06/24/are-you-botching-your-dialogue/
There are some standard mistakes writers make in dialogue.
https://kathytemean.wordpress.com/2016/05/10/foolproof-never-fail-silver-bullet-query-opening/
Make your dialog better serve your story and your characters.
http://www.nownovel.com/blog/fantastic-dialogue-writing-advice/
Blog: Kidlit Contest (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Interiority, Writing, Advice, Character, Dialogue, Telling, Add a tag
There are two types of writers when it comes to scene, I’ve found. One type takes a minimal approach to the stuff around the dialogue. One uses dialogue tags, adverbs, and narrative to construct scaffolding. If you’ve ever worked with me no a manuscript, you know that I don’t take kindly to a lot of scaffolding. I feel that it distracts from the dialogue, which is the rightful star of scene. It’s usually totally unnecessary. When I see a lot of scaffolding, I often remind writers to trust themselves and their readers. Trust themselves to come across as intended, and trust their readers to pick up on what’s being conveyed.
The point is, if you can’t be clear using dialogue alone, you need to look twice at what’s within the quotation marks, not what’s around them. Take a look at the following examples. The first is dialogue with no scaffolding. I’ve only used dialogue tags twice, one for each character at the beginning:
“Hey,” Sara said.
“What’s up?” Zach asked.
“Oh, you know.”
“The usual?”
“The usual.”
I would say that there’s not enough here. We don’t know enough about the characters, what they’re feeling, or why they’re talking in the moment. So I would say that something needs to be added. But how much something? Let’s say that you want to really convey what’s going on with Zach and Sara. How might you achieve that? Well, let’s add some emotions, tags, fancy “said” synonyms, and choreography. The simple scene can easily become:
“Hey,” Sara snarled.
“What’s up?” Zach said, icily.
She waved her hand in the air, as if dismissing him. “Oh, you know.”
“The usual?” He made sure to roll his eyes.
Quite annoyed, she dropped her voice to a near-whisper. “The usual.”
Well, I would say it’s quite clear now how Zach and Sara are feeling. The dialogue is exactly the same, but now I’ve festooned the scene with all sorts of little extras that clearly tell the reader that Zach and Sara are having some kind of fight. Maybe they’re avoiding one another. Maybe Zach has come into Sara’s coffee shop and she has to serve him but she doesn’t want to.
There’s tension in the scene, I’ll admit. But maybe it’s also a bit of overkill? After all, after reading this, my head is almost ringing from being hit too many times. The writer here (me) is explaining the emotions way too much. “Snarled” conveys anger. Waving a hand in the air is a cliché gesture for dismissing. If that wasn’t enough, the dismissal is also explained (“as if dismissing him”). Eye rolls are another cliché gesture. Then the emotion of annoyance is named, and a tone of voice is introduced that further underscores the tension between the two. We usually only whisper things if we’re trying to be quiet or if we’ve tightened our throats in anger.
The second scene would have too much “scaffolding,” as I call it. Whereas the first scene has not enough. If Zach and Sara were really fighting with one another, there would be no way to tell without some help. You might think that I’m playing the scaffolding up to provide an example, and while that was my objective, I am not lying when I say that I’ve seen scaffolding that thick in manuscripts. And sometimes even thicker scaffolding.
Oftentimes, writers don’t trust themselves to be clear about what they’re saying. And they (subconsciously) don’t trust readers to “get it.” So they go overboard. You will know if you put up a lot of scaffolding because you’ll see that almost none of your dialogue exists “naked” on the page (without any tags or narration).
So what’s the solution? Pare way down. And let the dialogue itself do the emotional talking for you, instead of putting everything in the scaffolding. I’ve changed the dialogue itself to have more emotional energy. You can also use interiority to convey feelings, like I do with a peek into Zach’s head here. This would be my ideal third example, a sort of middle ground:
Sara looked up from the register. “Oh. Hey.”
“Oh.” Zach fumbled with his wallet. He should’ve known her schedule better. Maybe she swapped shifts? This was the last thing he needed. “Um, what’s up?”
“What’s up? What’s up. Really? You know.”
“The usual?”
“Yeah, let’s go with that. The usual.”
There’s a sense of tension here between Zach and Sara, but it’s not hammered home. There’s some breathing room for the reader to wonder what they might be thinking or going through, and it opens the door for more of an interaction than “I HATE YOU”/”WELL I HATE YOU MORE!!!” That’s sort of the tone of the middle example, and you can definitely find more nuance.
Add a CommentBlog: TWO WRITING TEACHERS (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: dialogue, writing workshop, Add a tag
Adding dialogue to a piece can a be a great means of adding voice and detail, but I've found it doesn't necessarily come naturally for third-graders. They needed a nudge and some guided direction.
Add a CommentBlog: Just the Facts, Ma'am (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: characters, dialogue, Add a tag
Internal thoughts, when used correctly, are necessary for your story.
https://warriorwriters.wordpress.com/2015/08/11/5-reasons-internal-dialogue-is-essential-in-fiction-and-how-to-use-it-in-your-story/
The number one suggestion on this list of how to improve your dialogue is to punctuate correctly.
https://warriorwriters.wordpress.com/2015/09/10/9-ways-to-improve-your-dialogue/
Blog: Just the Facts, Ma'am (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: dialogue, description, Add a tag
Your story should contain a good mix of dialogue and description.
http://snip.ly/kN1a
Blog: Just the Facts, Ma'am (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: pacing, dialogue, Add a tag
Don't let dialogue that goes nowhere kill your pacing.
http://www.adventuresinyapublishing.com/2015/07/blah-blah-blah-how-dead-end-dialogue.html#.VcKb3flVhBc
Blog: Adventures in YA Publishing (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Craft of Writing, Amy K. Nichols, Dialogue, Pacing, Add a tag
We welcome author Amy K. Nichols to the blog today. Amy's here to help us shape up flabby dialogue to tighten our pace. Be sure to check out her upcoming release, While You Were Gone, at the end. Welcome Amy!
Blah Blah Blah: How Dead-End Dialogue Kills Pacing and How to Get Your Story Back Up to Speed by Amy K. Nichols
Of all the problems writers face when revising, one of the most elusive is pacing. Locking into the internal engine of a story can be tricky. We writers tend to overthink our scenes, distrust our instincts, and underestimate our readers. Then we compensate by adding more words, which only gums up the works. As a result, our stories sputter and lag, groaning under the weight of all the stuff we’ve crammed into them. Our critique partners return chapters with comments like, This section drags, This part lost my interest, What’s the point here?
Ugh. Fixing pacing problems can seem like an unwieldy process. Where do you even begin?
I suggest with dialogue.
In my experience there are three common dialogue problems that result in bogged-down pacing: white noise; perfect questions, perfect answers; and stating the obvious. The good news is, because dialogue stands out visually from the rest of the text, it’s easy to isolate and revise each section individually. Even better news is, each of these problems is pretty easy to fix. Here’s what to look for, and suggestions on getting your story back up on track.
White Noise
Sometimes your characters get to chatting and say a whole lot more than what needs to be said. The result is a slew of words that act like white noise or static, adding nothing to the story. When revising dialogue, look for repeated questions and dwindling comments. For example:
Character 1: Did you watch the finale of Game of Thrones?
Character 2: The one with Snow?
Character 1: Yeah.
Character 2: Yeah.
Character 1: That was crazy, huh?
Character 2: Totally crazy.
Character 1: Yeah.
Authentic character voice is good, but keep in mind that just because people actually talk like this, it doesn’t necessarily make for good reading. Here’s how you might revise such an interaction to keep the story moving:
Character 1: Did you see what happened to Snow on Game of Thrones?
Character 2: Yeah. That was crazy.
Character 1: Totally.
Done. It gets the information to the reader while keeping the authentic voices of the characters. All you’ve lost is the extraneous white noise that slows the pacing. Regardless of whether your dialogue is gripping or inane like this (hopefully it’s gripping), trimming away the excess takes away the drag.
Perfect Questions, Perfect Answers
The second thing to look for are instances where characters continually ask the exact questions necessary for getting information across to the reader or so the next plot point can take place. In other words, a sequence of perfect questions followed by the perfect answers. This is a really easy pattern to fall into, especially in early drafts when you’re trying to figure out the story. We think we’re being crafty, using dialogue to convey information and instigate action, but when your characters always say all the right things at all the right times, it actually stunts the story. It’s like when your windshield is too dry and your wipers make that awful bbbbrooooarromph noise. For example:
Character 1: Want to go to the movies tonight?
Character 2: That would be great. I’ll pick you up at six.
Character 1: Want to get dinner after?
Character 2: Sure. We can go to Bucky’s Burgers.
Character 1: Isn’t that where Brian works?
Character 2: Yeah. Maybe he’ll see me and ask me out.
Okay, hopefully your writing is a lot more compelling than this, but still, you can see the problem. Perfect questions followed by perfect answers. Sometimes info dumps lurk in these exchanges. There’s nothing in dialogue above that can’t just be shown through the action and progression of the plot. The characters go to the movie, get dinner after, see Brian, and he asks Character 2 out. The work is done visually rather than through stilted dialogue. If you absolutely must keep the exchange, pare it down.
Character 1: Movie tonight? Bucky’s after?
Character 2: Sure. I’ll pick you up at six.
You can use dialogue to set up the action to come without telegraphing what the plot will be. Keep it simple. Keep it moving.
Stating the Obvious
The final problem to look for when revising is sections where your characters say what they already know solely for the reader’s benefit. Writers do this when they question their ability to communicate the story, and/or when they underestimate the readers’ ability to comprehend it. Passages of dialogue that state the obvious cause readers to roll their eyes and think, We already know this! (Well, that’s how I react anyway.)
If you come across a character stating the obvious, ask yourself the following questions:
- Has any of this been shown in previous scenes or chapters?
- Does this section of dialogue advance the story?
- If I cut this dialogue, will the reader be lost or confused?
If you answer these questions and still feel you need the exchange, revise the section to be as quick and snappy as possible.
Along the same lines, keep an eye out for info dumps. This is when a character (or in some cases, the narrator) stops the story to explain something, such as a character’s backstory or the technical specifications of a spaceship. Because info dumps act like a pause button on your plot, any momentum you’ve built up to that point will be interrupted. When it comes to info dumps, the rule of thumb is to wait as long as possible to include them. Only do an info dump when your reader is so curious and so wanting the information, they’re willing to put up with the interruption.
While fixing pacing can feel like a huge undertaking, starting with these three dialogue problems can be a quick way to jump-start your story and get it moving again.
About the Book:
Eevee is a promising young artist and the governor’s daughter in a city where censorship is everywhere and security is everything. When a fire devastates her exhibition—years in the making—her dreams of attending an elite art institute are dashed. She’s struggling to find inspiration when she meets Danny, a boy from a different world. Literally.
Raised in a foster home, Danny has led a life full of hurt and hardship until a glitch in the universe changes everything. Suddenly Danny is living in a home he’s never seen, with parents who miraculously survived the car crash that should have killed them. It’s like he’s a new Danny. But this alternate self has secrets—ties to an underground anarchist group that have already landed him in hot water. When he starts to develop feelings for Eevee, he’s even more disturbed to learn that he might have started the fire that ruined her work.
As Danny sifts through clues from his past and Eevee attempts to piece together her future, they uncover a secret that’s bigger than both of them. . . . And together, they must correct the breach between the worlds before it’s too late.
Amazon | Indiebound | Goodreads
About the Author:
Amy K. Nichols is the author of YA science fiction novels Now That You’re Here and While You Were Gone, published by Knopf. She holds a master’s in literature and studied medieval paleography before switching her focus to writing fiction. Insatiably curious, Amy dabbles in art, studies karate, tries to understand quantum physics, and has a long list of things to do before she dies. She lives with her family outside Phoenix, AZ. In the evenings, she enjoys counting bats and naming stars. Sometimes she names the bats. Visit her online at www.amyknichols.com.
Website | Twitter | Goodreads
-- posted by Susan Sipal, @HP4Writers
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Six tips to make your dialogue more natural.
http://www.adventuresinyapublishing.com/2015/04/six-tips-for-improving-your-dialogue-by.html
These six tips will help make your dialogue leap off the page.
http://www.adventuresinyapublishing.com/2015/04/six-tips-for-improving-your-dialogue-by.html
Don't overuse dialogue tags to explain who's talking and his/her emotional state.
http://kidlit.com/2015/04/13/hand-holding-in-dialogue-tags/
You don't need to use dialogue tags to indicate the speaker.
http://io9.com/he-said-she-said-is-there-any-cooler-way-to-show-di-1686396684
Blog: A. PLAYWRIGHT'S RAMBLINGS (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: dialogue, playwright, playwriting, comedy-drama, play excerpt, scene from play, play exercise, short snippet from play, taste of "Acorn Farm"; play, Add a tag
blackened pots and pans sit on top of the stove
(V/O)
(coughing and choking)
Blog: A. PLAYWRIGHT'S RAMBLINGS (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: comedy, dialogue, funny, entertainment, A Wedding, a wedding play, first scene of play, humor scene 1, Add a tag
Sharing the first scene of my first play, "A WEDDING" a.k.a. "MAKE ME A WEDDING." A comedy, the story focuses on the trials and tribulations of a young couple who want a small, intimate wedding, versus the bride and groom's mothers, who want an all-out, no holds barred (expensive) affair.
In this opening scene, the bride announces her engagement to her parents.
kitschy French-provincial furniture, circa 1970’s. On
either side of the couch are two end tables with drop
“crystal” lamps on each table
his wife, sits in an armchair, absorbed in her knitting.
She glances up from time-to-time to watch MORTY
SADIE
MORTY
SADIE
MORTY
SADIE
MORTY
SADIE
MORTY
SADIE
SADIE
MORTY
SADIE
MORTY
MORTY
Blog: Dark Angel Fiction Writing (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Dialogue, Add a tag
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Blog: Game On! Creating Character Conflict (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: dialogue, Persuasion, tension, Add a tag
Over the past few weeks, we have defined the persuasion plot hole and added tools and tips to repair it. This week, we add the final implements to our persuasion tool kit.
1. Question Their Authority: Jane may have an opinion but may not be an authority on the subject. Dick may not be either, but all he has to do is instill reasonable doubt that she is accurate. He can state facts or invention to support his argument. Jane will be forced to defend her authority rather than her idea. She does not have the time or opportunity to investigate his counterclaims or sources.
2. Shoot the Messenger: Dick can publically discount everything Jane says simply because it is Jane saying it. He does not have to disprove what she is saying. All he has to do is cast sufficient doubt on her veracity. He can question her motives. He can insist that she is only saying what she says to further her own self-interest and it is not in the best interest of the situation. He can belittle her in front of other people.
3. The Spider Web: Jane can draw Dick in slowly. Get him to agree to little things. Then hit him with her real request. If he has agreed that he likes popcorn and soda and time spent together, he will have a difficult time wriggling out of taking her to a chick flick.
4. Their Words Against Them: Dick can take something Jane says out of context and run with it. She will waste time trying to get him back to the original topic or become completely derailed and flustered defending his detour. He can take a key word and catapult the conversation onto something else entirely, perhaps the item he wanted to talk about all along.
5. Tick Them Off: This is particularly effective as a counter measure. If Jane is grilling Dick about his alibi or strange behavior, he can start an argument about something else. He can insult her or goad her into losing her temper. Rationality will fly out the window.
6. Timing is Everything: When persuading Jane, Dick should keep in mind the time, place and her mindset. She may be more willing to agree to something after a romantic weekend than after a fight. If he asks her over a candlelit dinner, she might be more receptive than she is while cleaning baby spit off her t-shirt.
7. Turn the Table: The best defense is a good offense. If Dick feels he is being targeted, he can turn the argument around on his opponent. He can latch onto inconsistencies and chip away at the logic. If Jane asks, "Why do you think we're having this problem?" He can turn around and ask, "Why do you think we're having this problem?" Answering a question with a question is a good deflection technique. This is especially useful if Dick has backed into a corner and cannot defend his choice or behavior with logic. He forces Jane to come up with viable justifications for him. He can also use Jane's arguments against her. Liars often use this tactic. The questioner often supplies a valid answer for them.
8. We're A Team: When asking Dick to do something he does not want to do, Jane emphasizes that they will be doing it together. She isn't asking him for a favor. She is asking him to spend time with her and help her achieve something. He will in fact curry her favor by agreeing and will receive a reward for it. He is likely to give in.
9. Win-Lose: Rather than harp and complain, Jane can reinforce with Dick what he will be missing out on if he doesn't comply. She explains how complying means he wins and not complying means he loses. This is time to sweeten the kitty, not bludgeon the other person into submission.
10. Win-win: The best way to achieve success is to offer Dick a win-win scenario. The action benefits both Dick and Jane equally and no harm is done in the process. This method eliminates rational objections. It may overcome irrational objections.
For these and other fiction tools, you can pick up a copy of the Story Building Blocks: Crafting Believable Conflict in paperback or E-book.
Blog: Adventures in YA Publishing (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: WOW Wednesday, Dialogue, Craft of Writing, Eileen Cook, Add a tag
We are thrilled to have multi-published author Eileen Cook on the blog today. She's here to share with us some wonderful insights for writing dialogue. And be sure to check out her new release, Remember, at the end of the post. Thank you, Eileen!
Six Tips for Improving Your Dialogue: A WOW-Wednesday Post by Eileen Cook
Many readers describe dialogue sections of a book as their favorite. This is likely due to a few reasons:
- Dialogue gives us the sense of getting to “spy” into intimate conversations. (And who doesn’t like to hear what other people are saying?)
- Dialogue tends to increase the pacing of a novel. These passages read more quickly than long blocks of narrative.
- Dialogue reveals character, what they say/do when interacting with others tells us a lot.
As writers, dialogue allows us to reveal important information in an interesting way and to move the plot of the book forward.
So how do you make your dialogue leap off the page? Here are six tips that will help you improve:
1. Avoid the Boring Bits: Real dialogue is filled with unimportant information. (How are you? Fine. Sure has been hot. Yep.) When you include dialogue in your manuscript make it dialogue that matters.
- Why are the characters interacting? What is the purpose of the scene? If you cut it would it matter to the story?
- Try reading the dialogue out loud - how does it sound?
- Avoid too many adverbs (he said sarcastically, she said angrily, he said happily.) The emotion of what is said often can come through without this. “I hate your f-ing guts. I hope you die,” she said angrily. This line is repetitive. There aren’t many ways to say this lovingly.
- Do you use character’s names too often? The truth is we rarely do in real dialogue so be careful you don’t have too much:
“Hi, Ryan.”
“Good to see you, Brian. Are you ready for the test?”
“I tell you, Ryan, I am freaking out.”
“Don’t worry, Brian, it will be fine.
2. Dialogue Should Match the Character: Different characters should sound different from each other. What is your characters age, gender, level of education, ethnicity and how does that impact how they speak and the words they use?
- If you took the character names off the page, would it be possible for you to tell who is speaking just by what they say/how they say it?
- Think about your character- a teen boy from a small town in the South will “sound” different than a 40-year-old woman who moved to New York from England.
- Avoid stereotypes or going over board. Just because you want the voice to match a character keep in mind that not all people from a certain group talk a certain way. Also avoid writing huge sections in dialect/accent, it can get distracting for the reader.
“I dinna know lassie. Och, I be shamed terrible of wha happn’d.”
If the reader has to try and decipher what your character is saying it gets to be a challenge. Consider putting in just a couple words here and there, after that the reader will “hear” the accent without you needing to have it in every line
3. Dialogue Depends on the Situation: Think about the situation in which the dialogue happens. If there are guns being fired all around the characters, this is not likely the time for them to have a long conversation about their feelings. What they say will need to be short, more direct.
- Do you characters sound the same in all situations?
- How does your character sound when threatened? When relaxed?
- Who else might be around while they are talking? If they are talking to someone they have a crush on, but are surrounded by a group of her friends, they will likely talk differently as compared to if they were alone.
source |
- Does your character sound the same when talking to different people?
- Write a scene where they talk to someone they are very close to as opposed to someone that they dislike.
5. Characters Don’t Always Say What They Feel: One of the biggest errors in dialogue is having characters say exactly what they think or feel. In movie dialogue this is called “writing on the nose.” The truth is, most of us are either too polite or scared to say what we think. Sometimes we know we can’t say what we want because it will get us in trouble.
- Write a scene where characters say exactly what they think and feel. Then rewrite it trying to show the reader what the characters think/feel, but don’t allow your character to say it directly.
- Does your character know what they think/feel? Often we confuse emotion. We come across as angry when in reality we are scared. For example, a parent may yell at a kid for doing something risky, when in reality what they are is horrified because the kid could have been hurt.
6. Using Location To Amplify Dialogue: We know that stories need conflict. Looking at where/when a dialogue scene happens can be an opportunity to increase conflict. What is the worst time/place to have a conversation? It would be a difficult conversation to break up with someone. It is even worse if that break up scene happens in some place that is public. For example, telling a best friend that you kissed their boyfriend is an awkward conversation. It’s worse if you tell her in front of a group of people at lunch. Or it might be worse if you tell her just after she admits that she’s in love with him.
- Look at where key dialogue scenes happen in your book or story. Is there a way to increase the tension in the scene by moving the conversation to another place or time?
7. Have Fun: The best part of writing dialogue? Unlike real life where once we say something (or are unable to think of the perfect comeback in the moment) in fiction we can always go back and revise. If you think of the perfect snappy sarcastic line for your character two weeks or two months after you finish a draft, you can go back and put it in.
Dialogue that engages the reader will pull them into your book. It allows them to get into the head of your characters and to feel that they are active participants in the story. If you find this is an area you struggle with things that can help include:
- Download film or TV scripts and look how it appears on the page.
- Read your manuscript aloud. Often what looks good on the page, sounds “wrong” when we hear it aloud.
- Practice makes perfect. Be patient with yourself, writing dialogue is a skill. The more we practice the easier it gets.
Happy Writing!
About the Book:
A thrilling tale about what a girl will do to get back a memory she lost…or remove what she wants to forget.
Harper is used to her family being hounded by protestors. Her father runs the company that trademarked the “Memtex” procedure to wipe away sad memories, and plenty of people think it shouldn’t be legal. Then a new demonstrator crosses her path, Neil, who’s as persistent as he is hot. Not that Harper’s noticing, since she already has a boyfriend.
When Harper suffers a loss, she’s shocked her father won’t allow her to get the treatment, so she finds a way to get it without his approval. Soon afterward, she’s plagued with strange symptoms, including hallucinations of a woman who is somehow both a stranger, yet incredibly familiar. Harper begins to wonder if she is delusional, or if these are somehow memories.
Together with Neil, who insists he has his own reasons for needing answers about the real dangers of Memtex, Harper begins her search for the truth. What she finds could uproot all she’s ever believed about her life…
Amazon | Indiebound | Goodreads
About the Author:
Eileen Cook is a multi-published author with her novels appearing in eight different languages. Her books have been optioned for film and TV. She spent most of her teen years wishing she were someone else or somewhere else, which is great training for a writer. Her latest release, REMEMBER came out in February 2015.
You can read more about Eileen, her books, and the things that strike her as funny at www.eileencook.com. Eileen lives in Vancouver with her husband and one very naughty dog and no longer wishes to be anyone or anywhere else.
Website | Twitter | Goodreads
-- posted by Susan Sipal, @HP4Writers
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Blog: Kidlit Contest (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Character, Dialogue, Writing, Advice, Add a tag
Anyone who has worked with me knows that I take a pretty hard line when it comes to telling in dialogue tags. Examples are:
“I’m so excited!” she said exuberantly.
“That’s wonderful.” Coldness radiated from his voice.
Nothing bums me out more than reading scenework where the writer has decided to take all the fun out of it on the reader’s behalf. Sometimes I call it “hand-holding,” sometimes I call it “overexplaining,” sometimes I just cross it out.
The reason behind my aversion is that writers who do this are taking something essential away from the reader. The star of dialogue is the dialogue itself. Holding the reader’s hand through each snippet of dialogue says to me that you don’t quite trust yourself to communicate the scene in a way that the reader gets it.
Scene is one of the magic places in a manuscript where characters can be on display, speaking to one another, acting toward one another, and otherwise demonstrating themselves and their relationships. It’s the ultimate voyeur’s paradise (calling the reader a voyeur here). Whenever you tell, instead of show, you take away the reader’s power to interpret and appreciate character.
The first example, above, is there because it’s redundant. You would not believe how many writers do this. If a character says “I’m so excited!” then it can stand alone, with no further explanation. I’d be a wealthy woman if I had $5 for every time I saw:
“I’m sorry,” she apologized.
“Yes,” he agreed.
The second example is more subtle. Your character is saying one thing, but there’s an undercurrent of tension and the suggestion that they mean something else. Delicious! Instead of describing tone of voice (sneaky telling), maybe match up the dialogue with action to color it:
“That’s wonderful.” He crossed his arms.
Or, maybe even better yet, leave it up to reader or POV character interpretation:
“That’s wonderful.”
“Oh yeah? You think so?” The last time he’d used that descriptor, he was watching a snake choking the life out of a mongoose.
Let the character react, which will help guide reader feelings. Dialogue tags exist to communicate information. The two biggest things they should clarify are:
- Who is speaking?
- Is there anything going on in narration or action that’s not implied in the dialogue?
But too many tags tell about emotions, tone of voice, and tension when those are better uncovered by the reader for lasting character and relationship understanding. Next time you’re working on a scene and you want to try something hard, take out ALL of your dialogue tags and see how it reads. If it’s totally confusing, layer back 25% of what you had before and see if you can make it work.
If you’re one of those writers addicted to dialogue tags, especially in scenes with only two characters, where you theoretically don’t even need them, I bet this will be a revelatory reminder that you’re explaining too much.
Add a CommentBlog: Game On! Creating Character Conflict (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: dialogue, Persuasion, Add a tag
We have introduced the persuasion plot hole and discussed a few ways to repair it. This week, we add a few more options to the writing tool kit.
1. Concede Then Deny: Dick can listen to Jane rattle on and agree with her points, but refute her conclusion. This will frustrate Jane into arguing her points all over again or stating them a different way so that Dick will accept her conclusion. He can either fight the conclusion, agree to disagree, end or derail the conversation.
2. Cut It Off: If it is clear to Dick that he can't win, his best solution is to cut the the conversation short or abruptly change the topic. Jane can use this tactic as a defense if Dick attempts to bludgeon her into agreement.
3. Everyone Does It: This is a teenager's favorite ploy. They drag in people they've never met to support their side of the argument. Everyone is doing it, why can't I? It isn't really illegal if everyone is doing it. You've done it, why can't I? Aunt Sally did it. My friend Ted says he does it all the time. These statements are either true or completely made up. They may be effective or fall flat depending on the audience.
4. Exaggerate It: To effectively tear down Jane's argument, all Dick has to do is get her to exaggerate it. The simpler her logic is, the harder it is to refute. If Dick pushes her into generalizations, he has more ammunition to work with. He can compare apples to oranges. He can derail the conversation by arguing the generalities rather than the specifics.
5. Finish What He Started: Dick wants Jane to do something, so he starts it off then asks her to finish it for him. He can start a chore, a story or a diversion tactic and ask Jane to finish it. It also works if Dick is in the middle of something and forces Jane to do the other thing he wanted out of. He would take care of it if he could, but he's in the middle of something else. Would she be a dear and do it for him? This is a problem if the package he wants delivered contains cocaine.
6. Give Then Take: If Dick does something wonderful and unsolicited for Jane, she will feel like she owes him one. She will be more likely to accede to his next request even is she is resistant. He can play the guilt card, "But I did X for you, why can't you do Y for me?"
7. Go For The Kill: Jane has argued point after point. When she tries to change the subject or deflect the conversation, Dick knows he hit a weak spot. He may not know exactly what her weak spot is, but he was successful in his attempt. Dick can go in for the kill and drive the point home. He can give her some ground and restore equal footing. He can back away, satisfied that he met his objective: he made Jane rethink her position, question something she believed or agreed to something she resisted.
8. Jolly Her Into It: Dick makes a request. Jane says no. Dick teases her. He pushes the boundaries of his request into the realm of stand-up comedy. He amplifies her objections to get her to laugh. She realizes the over-inflated objections are kind of silly and agrees to his request.
9. Leave them Laughing: If Dick needs to get out of an awkward or undesirable conversation, he can derail the situation by telling a joke, making everyone laugh and forget what they were discussing in the first place. If Jane is furious with Dick and he can make her laugh, she might forget what she was angry about. If Jane wants something Dick doesn't want to deliver, he can make her laugh and forget her request.
10. Praise Then Please: Dick wants Jane to do something she hates. He butters her up first by telling her how much he loves her and appreciates her. He gets her feeling all warm and snuggly then pops the question. She will feel like a heel for refusing.
For these and other fiction tools, you can pick up a copy of the Story Building Blocks: Crafting Believable Conflict in paperback or E-book.
Blog: Dark Angel Fiction Writing (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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1. To make fiction dialogue exciting, use questions. Questions hook the reader's interest more than statements. Let the characters talk in questions as much as possible.
Examples
“What do you want?”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Where are we going?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
2. To make dialogue sizzling, let characters answer questions with questions. This hints at evasion, power struggles or secrets. Each time a question is answered with another question, the tension rises.
Example 1 – Wife and Husband
“Do you still love me?”
“Why are you asking?”
“Do you still truly love me?”
“Are you suddenly doubting my love?”
“Why don’t you tell me that you still love me?”
“Do we have to talk about this now?”
“Why aren’t you answering my question?”
“What do you want me to say?”
Example 2: Police Officer and Suspect
“Where were you between ten and eleven last night?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Where were you between ten and eleven last night?”
“Where should I have been?”
“Why don’t you tell me where you were?”
“Are you accusing me of something?”
“Do you have something to hide?”
“What makes you think I have something to hide?”
3. Let the characters do something while they talk. Give them a job, a task, an assignment, whether it's washing the dishes, mending the garden shed or cracking a safe.
4. To make fiction dialogue vivid, write it as tightly as possible, cutting superfluous words. Great fiction dialogue is less wordy than real-life conversations. One-liners have great impact.
5. To make fiction dialogue sound real, use short sentences. Real life dialogue often rambles on in long sentences, but fictional dialogue comes across as more real if the sentences are short.
6. Use tags (he said, she asked, he replied) only when they're needed for clarity of who's talking. If the characters are busy doing things, then you can simply write their spoken sentences before or after the action, and it’s clear who’s talking.
Examples:
Elsa turned the tap off. “What now?”
Ben tightened his grip on the gun. “Give me the money.”
7. Use short words for tags: he said, she asked, he yelled, she screamed. Avoid long words that draw attention to themselves: he expostulated, she interrogated.
8. Avoid adding adverbs to the tags. Instead of ‘he said loudly’ write ‘he shouted’, instead of ‘she said irritably’ write ‘she snapped’, instead of ‘he said furiously’ write ‘he yelled’, instead of ‘she said quietly’ write ‘she muttered’. Better still, let the dialogue it self imply how something is said: “I’ve had enough, you bastard!” is clear; you don’t need to add ‘he said angrily’.
9. Add body language – posture, facial expression, movements -, especially for the non-PoV character. This contributes clarity and meaning without the need for tags.
Examples:
“I don’t like this.” John scratched his ear. “Do we have to go through with it?”
Bill leant forward. “Tell me more.”
Jane twisted her necklace in her fingers. “What if someone sees us?”
Fred glanced at his watch. “Time to go.”
10. Hint at dishonesty or secrets by showing body language that contradicts what the character says. Use this technique sparingly.
Examples:
“No need to hurry.” Mary drummed her fingers on the table.
Mary glanced at her watch. “Take all the time you need.”
“I can wait,” Mary assured him. Her feet jiggled and bounced.
11. Frequent cusswords can make a character appear unintelligent, so use them sparingly, if at all. You may want to reserve them for a minor character who is not overly bright, or for a character who has the weaker arguments in a confrontation and is losing his cool.
12. Consider the person's level of education. A high-school dropout uses a different vocabulary than a PhD graduate. How ‘educated’ is this character’s speech?
13. Characters don't talk the way their authors do. Think of each character’s key personality traits.
How would a person with these characteristics talk? What kind of speech patterns reflect this personality?
Examples:
A self-centred person probably uses the words ‘I’, ‘my’ and ‘me’ a lot.
A timid person may preface requests and statements with an apology: “I'm sorry to bother you. I wonder if it's possible to...” “I'm probably wrong, but...”
An insecure person may use ‘maybe’, ‘perhaps’.
A bossy person may phrase many sentences as a command. “Take a taxi.” “Call me tomorrow.”
A status-seeking person may name-drop and mention status symbols at every opportunity “Last week, the duchess told me...” “When I parked my Porsche...”
A pompous person may speak in multi-syllabic words.
Which of these techniques are you already using in your fiction? Which are new?
I look forward to your comments. If you have questions, ask and I will reply.
Rayne Hall has published more than fifty books in several languages under several pen names with several publishers in several genres, mostly fantasy, horror, and non-fiction. She is the author of the bestselling Writer's Craft series and editor of the Ten Tales short story anthologies.
Having lived in Germany, China, Mongolia and Nepal, she has now settled in a small dilapidated town of former Victorian grandeur on the south coast of England where she enjoys reading, gardening and long walks along the seashore. She shares her home with a black cat adopted from the cat shelter. Sulu likes to lie on the desk and snuggle into Rayne's arms when she's writing.
You can follow here on Twitter http://twitter.com/RayneHall where she posts advice for writers, funny cartoons and cute pictures of her cat.
Blog: Game On! Creating Character Conflict (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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Last week, we introduced the persuasion plot hole. Over the next few weeks, we will add persuasion tools to our plot toolkit.
1. Ask for More: If Dick wants something, he can start off intentionally asking for too much so he can settle for something in the middle. This makes him seem like a reasonable kind of guy, except the part where he manipulated Jane by asking her to do something she'd never allow to get her to agree to something she mildly objected to. Children are masters of this technique.
2. Appeal to Authority: Dick may be getting nowhere in his conversation with Jane. He can play the authority card. The authority can be real or imagined. "They say" is so random. Who are they? "Authorities on the subject state..." Who are the authorities? Jane won't have time to verify them. Adding jargon and psychobabble gives his argument more power. Dick can flip this tactic and discount the authority Jane uses to support her argument. He can press her to come up with an answer as to who "they" are. He can refute the validity of the authority.
4. Attack the Posse: Dick can tear down Jane's objectives by attacking the basis for her assumptions. He can attack her friends, her coworkers, her group members or the social, political or religious body as a whole. He can deride her documents or the source of her information. Jane will be derailed into defending herself as apart from the group or into defending actions by the group she does not agree with. She will be sidelined into defending her source rather than her point.
5. Baffle them with Bull: If Jane seems unconvinced, Dick can bring in random and completely unrelated evidence to bolster his argument. Jane will be forced to respond to each unrelated thread, rather than arguing the main point. He can sum up his argument as if everything he just said supported it. Jane will either be confused enough to give in or will call him on it.
6. Bait and Switch: Dick wants to achieve C. He argues the merits of A. Jane fights back with B. Dick offers C as a compromise, which was his intention all along. Dick wants Jane to agree to a vacation at a golf resort. He starts off with suggesting they go fishing. Jane says, uh, no. She suggests they go to a bed and breakfast in Amish country. Dick says, uh, no. Dick suggests a spa resort in Arizona. Jane agrees to the compromise. Dick had already planned to meet up with his buddies in Arizona so it's a darn good thing Jane agreed. He doesn't tell her about that until they are on the plane or happens to run into his buddies at the hotel, setting up a new conflict.
7. Call Their Bluff: Characters all make blanket statements and threaten things they'd never back up. Dick has a date with Jane for dinner. He needs to get out of it. He suggests Hooters. She reacts negatively and says she'd rather eat at a motorcycle dive bar. Since the motorcycle dive bar is exactly where Dick needs to meet his contact, he calls her bluff. Jane is forced to either go with him or refuse to go with him, which suits him just fine. The date is called off. Next time, Dick needs to make a reservation at her favorite five-star restaurant to make up for it. Jane may bravely state that she is willing to do something against her better judgment to exaggerate a point. Dick agrees to do it. Jane has a problem. She has to wriggle out of it, change her tactics, or end or derail the conversation entirely.
8. Change the Name: Changing the name of a thing can render it less objectionable because it changes the set of objections that accompany it. Dick asks Jane to steal something. She objects, naturally. So he convinces her it isn't really stealing. It's borrowing. Or it's returning something to its rightful owner. Fanaticism can be religious freedom. Anarchists become freedom fighters. This is used rampantly in terms of political correctness and to justify what would otherwise be considered psychopathic behavior. Jane is likely to object to some things more than others. This also works if Jane refuses to grant Dick any ground and he switches to getting her to disagree with his point's polar opposite. It might confuse her into agreeing with him.
Next week, we continue to add persuasion tools to our writing kit.
For these and other fiction tools, you can pick up a copy of the Story Building Blocks: Crafting Believable Conflict in paperback or E-book.
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