Recently my old high school invited me back to speak about my novel, and I took the opportunity to plunder the cardboard-box catacombs of my dad's basement. Like Indiana Jones, I was on the hunt for the most fabled of treasures from the storied history of Danman Productions. Did the dusty archives yield the rarities I sought?
WANTED: Trailers X
DESCRIPTION: At some point during my teen years, my town debuted a public access station. Finally, my opuses could be seen (or ignored) by a much wider audience! For one of these presentations, I decided to shoot some trailers. Tragically, these trailers - which included the shocking and infamous "General Foods International Coffee" parody - never made it on to the master tape and thus have been considered lost for well over a decade.
RESULT: Found! Oh my god! Found! Upon uncovering the endless stacks of mini-VHS tapes, I knew it was a fool's errand to sift through them. Most, if not all, had been repurposed over the years by my dad. But one tape caught my eye. Why? Because, in my childlike scrawl, I had written a desperate plea on the sticker: "Record AFTER previews, Dad." I made lots of previews. Surely this couldn't be the Holy Grail. But yes. It was. And it will blow your mind. Stay tuned.
WANTED: Evening of Fear
DESCRIPTION: For one public access showing, I decided to string together a broadcast premiere (Harvest of Wrath) followed by a rehash of so-called "hits" (Chicken Clock, Night of the Living Dead, and Fear). But did I just artlessly splice them together? Heavens, no! I shot brand-new footage of me, as a Rod Serling-esque host, introducing each masterpiece. Long thought to be but legend, this priceless curio could fetch tens, even fifteens, of cents on the black market.
RESULT: Found! And, wow, I'm tempted to lose it all over again. Never before have I come off so insufferably smug. Easily some of the most damning footage of me in existence. And yet I will post it here. I fear nothing.
DESCRIPTION: I got news for you: this isn't the first time I've plundered my past. Only a handful of years after these atrocities were committed, I took a college class called "Video Art." In theory, this was supposed to produce videos like someone l
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