When I posted about aborted projects, I forgot The Danny Awards. They were to be Danman's answer to the Oscars, complete with clips of the nominated films, shots of my actors crossing their fingers and looking tense, and, of course, bloated and tearful acceptance speeches. (See the original handwritten list of nominees here!) It was pretty much impossible to pull off without editing equipment, so the idea died.
Tonight, I bring it back to life. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to...
THE DANNIES!!!
Who's that good-looking fella in the tux? Why, it's me, your host!
It's my privilege to finally be able to honor the very best of the very worst. The four awards I'll be presenting tonight are:- Most-Deaths Award (aka "The Corn Syrup Award")
- Danman MVP (aka "The I-Was-Just-Always-There Award")
- Best Worst Actor
- Best Worst Film
MOST DEATHS AWARD
It took me a long time--a very long time, you have no idea what I've gone through--to tally up every death scene in Danman Productions. When I finished scorekeeping, I discovered a shocking three-way dead heat between myself, Joe, and Jami, with eight deaths each. So who deserves the award?Not me. I often killed myself off early so that I could spend my time running the camera (witness my hasty demise in such films as Night of the Living Dead and The Blob). And Joe? As my most persistent leading man, Joe's death-count was but a statistical residue.
Therefore, the award goes to... Jami!
With an atypical amount of enthusiasm from the director (and pints of my sticky blood substitute), Jami got strangled, stabbed, and shot
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