2008 - Myrtle Beach trip with the family - 325 pounds

 I thought for this blog I would be real with you and shed some light on what I do miss about being overweight (thanks for the idea Sarah Mac!) Yep, I said it, there are some things that I do miss, believe it or not! For meeting eating healthy and working out is something I have to work at everyday. Even after 2 1/2 years I still have to consciously stop and get myself together and think about what I am going to eat at every meal and snack. I still have battles with myself about how much I deserve that french fry, burger, cookie because I have been "good" or have worked out. I always reel myself back in and reflect back on my workout earlier that day or take myself back to the last time I indulged on something I shouldn't have and the feeling of guilt that came over me. I think the feeling of guilt is the worst part!

In the beginning of my journey I counseled with my brother A LOT and I think I referenced that in a previous blog. I needed to overcome rewarding myself with food, hell, it was a lifestyle for me! I always rewarded myself with food. Yay, I actually got off the couch to get the mail...eat a cookie. Yay, I actually had a rough day at work...eat a burger. You get the point and food was my motivation to get up and do things...almost my bargaining tool to do things. Essentially it came to the point that I was rewarding myself for EVERYTHING I did. No wonder I tipped the scales at 325 pounds.

Bobby (my brother) would always tell me. Brooke, did you struggle during your workout this morning? Remember how hard it was to do that one more push-up? Remember how tired and run down you felt after working out? Guess what?!?! You just blew all of that hard work in a cookie! Hope it was worth it because you get to burn it off tomorrow at your next workout instead of burning off the fat you have eaten your entire life! Go ahead and eat another one. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Why in the world would I eat something that tasted good for a matter of 20 seconds but struggle and fight with myself to get up and change my lifestyle. It didn't make sense. So...I adopted eating 6x a day. Since my life was already centered around food, thought I would play healthy games with my mind instead. More to come on this later!

So hell yes, I miss nothing having to think about what I am eating. I miss just the taste of a good old fashion cheeseburger, fries and a coke! All with extra cheese and ranch. I miss sleeping in sometimes in the morning instead of getting up at 4:30am to workout. I miss having an excuse to do nothing because my stomach was upset because of all the crap food I was eating, it was my get out jail free card to do nothing for the day! I miss having a pity party for myself because I was just too big!!

However! I may  miss some of those things listed above but I can PROMISE you, nothing taste better than being fit. I still eat a burger every now and then but now my favorite food is sushi! I have days that I take naps or lay around the house but it's because I am truly physically worn out from working out 6x a week and most of the days doing double workouts. I earn every damn burger, nap, excuse in the book now! I even earn the right to go shopping and not to Lane Bryant but to Old Navy, Gap, Ann Taylor Loft and picking anything off the rack and it fitting like

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