new posts in all blogs
Viewing Blog: Lost and Found, Most Recent at Top
Results 1 - 11 of 11
Two friends shedding light on losing the weight and finding ourselves...
Statistics for Lost and Found
Number of Readers that added this blog to their MyJacketFlap:
 |
| Fun with Photobooth app! |
To anyone who is reading this, raise your hand if you have ever put back on weight that you had worked so hard to take off. Now that the people around you are wondering why you have your hand in the air, feel free to drop it! I am definitely one of the backsliders - wish I wasn't - but it's the truth. Every time I am on a roll of healthiness, something happens to block me... mainly myself. I know myself well enough to know that when life throws a wrench into your success, you have to have a plan B. My plan B seems to be dipped in chocolate as of late. When I got on a roll with walking and exercising, I had some heart issues that paused me pushing myself a little harder. A few years back when I was on a really great roll with Weight Watchers, there was a bump in the road that required me taking a little sabbatical. Most recently, we had a death in the family at the beginning of the summer that has really thrown several other things in motion that have made it super difficult to get back into the swing of my routine. For all of the above obstacles (and so many more) I have had very valid reasons to put my healthy eating and exercising on the back burner. I have also had an even more valid reason to stay on track - Me.
I feel better when I'm eating healthier. I feel cleansed when I exercise and don't self sabotage with the 30 point + dessert (for you ww'ers out there) that takes me 5 minutes tops to actually devour. When you are like myself (and my blog Partner, Brooke) and this is a life change you have decided on, there will be constant hurdles and detours. The strength and pride come not in avoiding them, but in how you handle them. It's unrealistic of me to say I'm going to avoid social situations where there will be food that isn't WW friendly - I love my friends and family (and food) too much for that. It's unrealistic to think that every time I sit down and make my menu and grocery list on Sunday afternoon that nothing will ever come up to make us stray from that plan. It is realistic however to say to myself,
'it's one day - pick yourself up during the next meal or the next day.'
I mainly wanted to write about this topic to commiserate with anyone out there who can relate - I'm still in the backslide if I'm going to be honest. I have put back on lbs that have taken me a long time to get off. I've gotten myself back into my meetings and weekly weigh ins that are my way of a weekly check in - it's my first step to get back to what I know to do.
It's such a shame that so many of my clothes have been shrinking in the laundry just when I'm getting back on track! ~
I play mind games with myself all the time. Sometimes it's for the better and sometimes for self sabotage - can you relate? When I first started on my weight loss journey - it was convincing myself it was just a walk; not a big work out or an ongoing thing - just 1
walk. Before I knew it, I was walking every day with a friend and it felt great. Then I moved on to the jog/walk... this time the mind games were to my detriment. I began to tell myself that I couldn't do it and I was winded after minutes (seconds really) when in reality I could have pushed myself - but the mind is a very powerful weapon in our personal arsenals. The walking led to me feeling healthier which led to me deciding to start watching what I was eating. Baby steps, I continually told myself to just take baby steps with it; meal by meal, snack by snack until I was very aware of the unhealthy choices I was making all the while internally convincing myself that it was fine - just one bag of chips or one sundae or one burger. The problem was that these things add up and when you don't pay attention they can be all day every day. The eating healthy and watching what I was eating 'baby steps' led me to start following the Weight Watchers (c) plan - which has changed my life 3 years later. I wouldn't allow myself to think too far ahead because every time I thought about this being a way of life for me, I would freak out. I would play these games with myself of how in the world could I do this for the rest of my life? It wasn't who I was/am - I'm a foodie! I love food and food has always been a reward and comfort for me - wouldn't this be betraying myself to commit to such a thing? I know it sounds crazy (which it probably is) but that's what mind games are all about. Internally (the context in which it's being used in this blog anyway) pushing yourself one way or the other - whether it be encouraging yourself or accepting defeat. Lately a mind game that I'm struggling with is an invisible (weight) ceiling which I've promised myself I wouldn't cross. I kept telling myself,
cut yourself some slack - live a little and eat what you want. The problem with this internal monologue is that over the course of my life, I've struggled with compulsive overeating and it's unrealistic for me to think this way of "just a little." The voice in my head must have forgotten this :)! And the other problem is that I've crossed that ceiling and then some because one treat turned into days or weeks of not tracking and 'cutting myself slack'. I'm now back on track (I think) but these fictitious boundaries I set for myself while allowing myself to cross them, are not doing me any good. I've worked waaaaaayyyy too hard to lose the weight I've lost to slip back into old habits. Here's how I reel it back in...
-
0 Comments on Mind Games... Friend or Foe? as of 1/1/1900
"The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven"
 |
| My boy and I at the beach - 4th of July |
I encourage you to read the quote above over and over again until it sinks in or hits you like a ton of bricks! When you realize how powerful your mind can be by either pushing you or make you give up, I think you have half the battle figured out. Don't be mislead...it will continue for the rest of your life...retrain yourself!
I recently read an article on positive thinking and read that we have anywhere from 12,000-60,000 thoughts a day and about 98% of them were the same thoughts as the day before. And, 80% of them are negative! Talk about a vicious cycle!! I know that I have talked about mind games before and how they can either make you or break you. When I read the above I felt like I needed to blog about it again.
I recently had to come to a cross roads on some life decisions as it relates to my workout and eating. I have reached a plateau and felt myself sinking into a rut. For any of you who have overcome any life barrier you realize that a rut is just a recipe for disaster! So after long, long, long talks with Dave and a very good friend of mine Dee, they both encouraged me to take the plunge and to follow my heart. Why am I telling you this? Because my mind kept telling me...
"Don't do it!"
"Deal with the way you are!"
"You have reached your goals, you can't do it something new."
"Stick with what you know, you fool!"
"You're going to gain your weight back!"
So I did it, I took the plunge and went with my heart! Now it has become a game for me, I am going to prove my thoughts wrong and step out of my comfort zone and see what happens. It's scary out here, let me tell you! I have a huge support system that pushes me through and I let people around me know my fears. I am putting my negative thoughts out there for people to respond to and keep encouraging me. I tell them I need the encouragement. I need them to push me. Someone told me..."Imagine where you would be if you never decided to join SEAL team, change your diet, go on Dr. Oz. You would still be 320 pounds!" She was right! I was letting my fear and negative thoughts get in the way and I almost listened to it. I had to retrain my mind again and this is something we should be doing everyday! I had to make small goals for myself again just like I did 2 1/2 years ago. I acted like I was starting my journey over, let me tell you it's been a week and I haven't regretted it one bit!!
My biggest supporter is Dave. He encourages me everyday to better myself and has supported my decision to live a healthy lifestyle and does it right along beside me. Which is worth its weight in gold. He won't let me let myself down! I love you babe! Thank you for that!
1 Comments on Are you the King or the Pawn?, last added: 6/15/2012
 |
| 2008 - Myrtle Beach trip with the family - 325 pounds |
I thought for this blog I would be real with you and shed some light on what I do miss about being overweight (thanks for the idea Sarah Mac!) Yep, I said it, there are some things that I do miss, believe it or not! For meeting eating healthy and working out is something I have to work at everyday. Even after 2 1/2 years I still have to consciously stop and get myself together and think about what I am going to eat at every meal and snack. I still have battles with myself about how much I deserve that french fry, burger, cookie because I have been "good" or have worked out. I always reel myself back in and reflect back on my workout earlier that day or take myself back to the last time I indulged on something I shouldn't have and the feeling of guilt that came over me. I think the feeling of guilt is the worst part!
In the beginning of my journey I counseled with my brother A LOT and I think I referenced that in a previous blog. I needed to overcome rewarding myself with food, hell, it was a lifestyle for me! I always rewarded myself with food. Yay, I actually got off the couch to get the mail...eat a cookie. Yay, I actually had a rough day at work...eat a burger. You get the point and food was my motivation to get up and do things...almost my bargaining tool to do things. Essentially it came to the point that I was rewarding myself for EVERYTHING I did. No wonder I tipped the scales at 325 pounds.
Bobby (my brother) would always tell me. Brooke, did you struggle during your workout this morning? Remember how hard it was to do that one more push-up? Remember how tired and run down you felt after working out? Guess what?!?! You just blew all of that hard work in a cookie! Hope it was worth it because you get to burn it off tomorrow at your next workout instead of burning off the fat you have eaten your entire life! Go ahead and eat another one. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Why in the world would I eat something that tasted good for a matter of 20 seconds but struggle and fight with myself to get up and change my lifestyle. It didn't make sense. So...I adopted eating 6x a day. Since my life was already centered around food, thought I would play healthy games with my mind instead. More to come on this later!
So hell yes, I miss nothing having to think about what I am eating. I miss just the taste of a good old fashion cheeseburger, fries and a coke! All with extra cheese and ranch. I miss sleeping in sometimes in the morning instead of getting up at 4:30am to workout. I miss having an excuse to do nothing because my stomach was upset because of all the crap food I was eating, it was my get out jail free card to do nothing for the day! I miss having a pity party for myself because I was just too big!!
However! I may miss some of those things listed above but I can PROMISE you, nothing taste better than being fit. I still eat a burger every now and then but now my favorite food is sushi! I have days that I take naps or lay around the house but it's because I am truly physically worn out from working out 6x a week and most of the days doing double workouts. I earn every damn burger, nap, excuse in the book now! I even earn the right to go shopping and not to Lane Bryant but to Old Navy, Gap, Ann Taylor Loft and picking anything off the rack and it fitting like
 |
| November 2002 - Brooke's big day... |
I don't know about any of you out there, but I always enjoy
celebrations a whole lot more when I feel good about myself. I feel better about myself when I look better... shallow - I know, but it's the truth. For me, I don't need to be smaller to always feel good about myself, but it helps. For example, I'm not uncomfortable and sweating profusely because of down hair, make up, and whatever thick fabric I have under my dress holding me in like a sausage casing! Admittedly, I have a warped sense of body image - when I was at my biggest, I really thought it was just the cut of the clothes or the angle of the picture - that's why I love the pictures of me when I was bigger because there are 30-40 of them... they can't all just be "bad pictures." On the flip side, when I was at my smallest, I still felt huge. In adulthood, my smallest was around size 8 and for my frame, that was way too small - but at the time the bonier the better and I still felt big. When I was in high school I thought I was so humongous and I wasn't by any means (senior year I tipped the scales a little but I digress). It's all in comparison - I was comparing myself to my friends who were either way more in shape than me because they actually exercised and played sports or my friends who were tiny by nature... not reasonable. I'm also looking at it through a late (mid) thirties filter and I also know I'm not alone in that distorted image of the teenage me.
 |
| June 2011 - Niece's Graduation |
 |
| July 2006 - Conti/Sipe Wedding |
Looping back to why I started this topic - it's not really about how I look entirely - it's more about getting comfortable in my own skin. I've had weddings, showers, funerals (celebrations of life), christenings, birthday parties, anniversary parties, graduations... etc and the one common thread is that I always stress about what I'm going to wear. The fact of the matter is that it's easier to prepare for these celebrations when I'm smaller - it's just a fact. It's easier to find clothes, I don't have to worry about every roll or fl
 |
| Summer 2007 ~ I remember loving this pic |
It may sound a little crazy, but there are things that I miss about the bigger me. It was a part of me - what I related to. It was my protective cover... physically and emotionally. I often acted like I didn't mind or it was a big joke to me - almost like if I make fun of it first, someone won't be able to beat me to the punch. It shields the embarrassment to make it seem like you are just fine the way you are. Only problem was - I wasn't okay with it. I am glad that I have shed some of that covering, because that's all it was - a cover. When you replace a slipcover or re-upholster a couch, it's still the same couch only different in it's appearance.
That being said, there are a few things that I do miss...
- I miss being able to eat something because it looked yummy and not giving it a second thought.
- I miss not caring if I ate junk all three meals of the day and for snacks in between.
- I miss being able to blend into the background and convince myself that I was okay with it.
- I miss not caring if I exercised or not and it not bothering me for a moment.
- I miss the denial I was in about how big I had gotten - I didn't see it when I looked in the mirror for the most part (I know... weird, right?). It was almost like the distortion was the opposite for me - instead of seeing myself as bigger in the mirror than I really was (like normal people) I always saw myself as a lot smaller than I really was.
There are other things that I don't quite know how to phrase (having to do with friends) but I'll talk about it sooner or later :). That's part of the reason that you have to do work on the outside
and inside because if you only work on getting in shape or losing weight, you'll snap back to the same starting line every time. The things I miss are definitely outweighed (no pun intended) by the things I'm able to enjoy now.
So, I wish I could say I were one of those folks who doesn't really worry about what other people are doing - but I can't. I get super bitter about the fact that I struggle with what I'm eating or what I shouldn't be eating when so many around me don't have to think about it. I know I'm not in the minority with this. I have come to terms with the fact that I own my own progress and habits... I get that. I have also come to terms with the fact that what someone else is doing has nothing to do with me. I must admit that the older I get, I'm more surrounded by like minded ladies... it's my husband that remains the culprit of temptation! I'll give the disclaimer that he is absolutely the most supportive of anything I'm pursuing and weight loss and healthy living are just another example. That being said, even though he's not serving me the chips and dip or frozen pizza for a 10PM snack, it's still there and curling it's evil finger toward me in a beckoning way!! The tough part about that is that if he just cuts sodas out of his diet he loses his belly almost instantly and here I am three years later trotting along slowly but surely.
 |
| My hubby and I in Hawaii 2007 |
All joking aside, it is really tough to try to maintain a healthy lifestyle when people surrounding you aren't. I like to call these people my 'saboteurs,' (
and for the record, I don't consider my husband one of them). These are the people in my life that don't understand why I'm being so "over the top" or "obsessive" about not having
one beer or one glass of wine; one serving of fries or one night of greasy pizza; cheese and crackers just this one night won't hurt - it's a girl's night out; one serving of this cheesecake will be fine, I made it from scratch... Can I get an Amen!? I don't think anyone around me does this on purpose because to a normal person, this should be fine and harmless. To me, someone who battles compulsive overeating, it's never that simple. It triggers cravings in me that most of the time I'm able to avoid. In my life, there is always a birthday, showers for baby or wedding, holiday, special occasion going on with amazing eats so I can't use the excuse to let myself indulge this 'one' time. I told myself that I would do that during the holidays this year and that basically stretched from Halloween to New Years. My WW leader likes to remind us that "it's a holi
day, not a holi
week!"
Some tips that I like to try to keep in mind (to anyone who wants them)...
- Try not to show up ravenous at these inevitable gatherings.
- Offer to bring something and make it healthy so you know you have one option for snacking
- BYOS... you can even stash your own snacks even if not prompted to bring something
- Allow yourself to indulge if it truly is once in a while - but if it's a weekly thing, avoidance may be in order...
- When going out to dinner with friends, be prepared. Know the menu and have the alcohol (sugar,sugar,sugar) allowance in your head before you go (money saver too!)
- When someone makes something for you, offer to take it home with you if you don't want to hurt their feelings - that way you can share it with others or just give it away all together if the temptation for overdoing it is too great.
 |
| My brother Bobby and I - 305 pounds |
I am a person who thrives on change and welcomes it at any given moment! However, while I have always welcomed change, not so much in the health department. For years changing the way I wanted to eat wasn't that easy and definitely not something I welcomed. When I did try to change the way I was eating it would only be for a day at a time or even (admittedly) an hour at a time. The battle in my head wasn't ready to put up a big fight for that change and honestly that is half the battle. Deciding to change and make the mental commitment to change is honestly in my opinion one of the hardest battle that anyone has to fight. However, once you have made up your mind to change I can promise you, you won't regret it for one second!! You know you are changing when there is discomfort involved but that is when you push forward and fight for it. Keep moving forward!
Stephi hit the nail on the head in her recent blog post, as someone who was morbidly obese sitting in a chair "comfortably" wasn't something that was even possible. Now I like it when my ass doesn't take up the whole chair and yep(!) I sit there and notice and bask in the moment of this little VICTORY! Because it is just that a VICTORY! Or even the fact that I can buckle my seat belt without struggle or having to retract the seat belt 2 or 3 times so it doesn't catch from being pulled out so far. Now you can buckle your seat belt with one click and not have your belly hang over the belt...again a small change that is a VICTORY! Or when you get up in a crowd, like at a restaurant and you plan your way out. You're buried in a crowd of people and try to make sure you don't hit their table when you walk by or the fact that you know you can't make it through because the space isn't big enough. Now, I can get up anywhere and get through any space...small change that is a VICTORY!
So while I highlight a few VICTORIES for me and to some of you they might be corny or some of you might not be able to relate, the point that I want you to take away is that everyday commit to making small changes in your life because I can promise you that those small changes will amount to huge VICTORIES!
I show pictures of my brother and I because for me he has taught me that it is okay, to change and that change is a good thing. He reminded me that change happens when you do let go of fear. My brother has been one of my biggest supporters, I remember calling him when I started this weight loss quest and would cry and just say...talk to me so I don't eat, remind me why I need to lose weight again, remind me why I got this way and why I did this to myself and he just knew what to say. Almost like he was talking me back of the ledge. He is a professional athlete himself so he knows what hard work and dedication mean, thinking the way winners think. So even though he is younger than me...I look up to him.
2 Comments on Change - an ugly word when you're in a battle, last added: 2/1/2012
So, we've decided to write this week about the biggest changes we've noticed comparing our lives pre-journey to now. As I mentioned in my last entry, I'm still in the trenches and still have a little ways to go, but the changes are still crazy to think about.
- Sitting comfortably in a chair ...
 | | July 2006 - Conti/Sipe Wedding NY |
- A small but big change. I don't think that anyone who hasn't had a weight problem could really understand why that's a big deal, but it is. Feeling like you can't get comfortable facing forward or to one particular size or feeling like you may not be held by certain smaller chairs. Airplane seats, theater seats (movie and stage), buses, auditoriums for school events... It was a great change when I could actually feel a little space between my hips and the sides of arm rests.
- Being able to shop in regular stores...
- Again, if you don't struggle with weight, this wouldn't really seem like it would be a tough goal to attain - but it is. "Plus size" in regular stores goes up to size 16 and most of the time that size 16 runs small. Some stores (GAP and Old Navy) go up to 20 but you are very hard pressed to find it and the sales people look at you like you have two heads for shopping in their store if you ask them to help you find those sizes. The first time I was able to shop in a regular store or have "Medium" as my t-shirt size was a very proud moment. In fact, Brooke and I generally had the same outfits when we showed up for a party or lunch or even work when we worked together because we generally were only able to shop at the same plus size store (which is sooooo expensive!).
- Having energy to actually be active with my son or friends...
 | | The day we started our blog! |
- Three years + ago, I wasn't able to run and play football with my son or go on power walks with friends at the drop of a hat. It took big build up and anxiety that I wouldn't be able to keep up or would feel like I was having a heart attack - literally couldn't breathe. It was always so embarrassing because I was way too young to not be able to keep up or always tell my son 'no' when he wanted to do something active. Now, it's one of my favorite things to go on walks with friends (if it's not too cold out :) or play touch football with my son and husband. I even plan vacations around hiking spots (nothing too difficult) but Virginia has some gorgeous hiking trails that call my name!
These are just a few changes, but some biggies. I hope some of you can relate and know that before you know it, you can notice little changes t
 | | Us! |
Lost and Found resonates so clearly in my mind when I say these words. For many reasons but most importantly when I look back now standing from where I am today, a rush of feelings come flooding back in. You never understand why or for what purpose people come in and out of your life but when that one person sticks and you realize besides your family and your significant other they are the ONE person who knows the "true" you, it then clicks as to why they came into your life. For me, that person is Steph or Stephi for me! Over the course of the twelve years that I have known her we have been literally through hell and back together. For me and my hell she was the one person who was able to pull me out and realize that everything happens for a reason. Steph and I are really different but she is the one person who can ground me and make wake up when I need to be woken up. However, we do have some things in common and for "us" the one thing was our struggle with weight. Reading Steph's blog post I have to laugh because we did used to make fun of "skinny" girls. Oh she's eating a salad...ha! Bring on the cheeseburgers and french fries oh and the diet coke and sweet tea!! Yep, you heard me...I of course always ordered a diet coke! And, we could go through the misery together and didn't care about anything else in the world for that one moment! We WERE on the same page and in misery together, so hell, why not! Misery loves company. Deep down we both knew we were miserable but just afraid to admit it. She knew the struggles I was going through with it and I knew the struggles she was having with it. For us it was a matter of we were going to do it AND when we were ready to do it...not because someone else was telling us too! It was a control thing. So, she doesn't know this but in August of 2009 she saved my life. I was not a member of a local mom group and she was and she called me and said "hey, you should try this weight loss thing, Dr. Oz is coming to Richmond and wants to find 3 healthy housewives...all you have to do is write your story on paper. What do you have to lose?" So I did, she inspired me! Only I knew and she knew that we meant it from the bottom of our hearts and we could tell each other that and not get offended. Anyone else…we might have bitten your head off! The rest is history and to this day not sure how I will ever repay her for opening a door that was shut so tightly that not even a crow bar could get it open...she knew how to open it! Now...that's what I call a friendship or sisterhood that not very many people can experience in life...I am so glad I get too! And, so the new chapter of our life begins together and here is where we get to share it with you!
 | September 2009 - 315
 | | Our Loves... March 2011 |
Over the course of my twelve year friendship with Brooke, we have gone through so many cycles. We've both grown (and shrunk) as women. A little over three years ago, we both started on our own paths of weight loss because we wanted to change our lives - ironically it was not together that we decided this, but it was simultaneous. Because of the success we've had individually, we've both decided there's a lot to share with others going through the same struggles and victories in health. The idea behind this blog is that we've lost 225 lbs between the two of us and we've found ourselves in the process. We come at our goals from such different places - I over-think and plan into the ground and Brooke goes after it full force and isn't afraid to make mistakes. My approach is more diet-centric with exercise as a side note and Brooke's is exercise based and healthy eating on the side (no pun intended). My hope (I'm not going to speak for Brooke) is that people will read this and between Brooke's take and my own, we will strike a chord and help others know they are not alone in this battle. I've battled compulsive overeating, which in my opinion is one of the silent eating disorders but no less life threatening. Through some OA podcasts and three years with Weight Watchers (c), I found the control I had been searching for without realizing it. Once I made the decision to start walking every day and slowly watching what I ate, my mind was made up.  | | On a trip to Disney - July 2005 |
We are both still in the trenches... personally I'm still 25 lbs away from my goal. I'm glad to have taken it so slowly because I have no doubt that it will be gone for good. We were the "big friends" together. We dared anyone to suggest we lose weight or judge us as we ordered cheese fries and dessert. We mocked the people around us who were making time to go to the gym or for a morning run. We found solace in each other through these unhealthy times. Now we have a new common ground and I'm so grateful! It was just understood - we never talked to the other one about changing our lives or being supportive of the other; we just did and will continue to.
|
|
Love! Enjoy your journey, blaze a new trail!