WOW I cant begin to put into words how I am feeling right now! scared, anxious, nervous, stressed, sad, happy, even fear. So I am doing my best to keep myself busy, I have been making baby food all morning, dinners and puddings. We started weening Blake on to solids this week as one of our cleft nurses Maureen (who I think is wonderful) gave us the advice that it would be better for Blake after surgery. so I made two pudding Apple, Pear and Banana, and Apple, Forrest Berries and banana... yummy!! and I made Carrot, Swede, Parsnip with Apple, then I made Sweet potato and Carrot, potted the lot up the put them in the fridge. With some in the freezer so Chris can bring some to the hospital when Blake runs out. Blake's been enjoying his food he loves porridge in the morning!

Blakes Hospital bag is almost packed, just need to add few bits, made sure that I packed vests that button up that way we wont catch his lip when we have to change his clothes. while i was folding his cloths I was thinking to myself that I wonder if Blake will be wondering whats going on, I hope I will be enough to comfort him, I better not forget his mouse he loves his mousy. Me and Chris were talking the other night about after surgery whether Blake will still stick his tongue out ! it made us laugh.... he's just so darn cute. I will probably cry a lot as just writing this is making me feel emotional.

Chris's Sister Clare is coming to help us for a few days... She will be arriving early hours. She's going to be entertaining Tia 'good luck with that' Tia has become a little monkey of late but its very hard to be mad at her as she also is too darn cute :)
So a massive thank you to Clare! we love you very much and we appreciate all the help you can give!

There's so much I want to say but  feel a little numb....and excited at the same time. We have taken lots of pictures of Blake and if I was to give any advise to someone, that is what it would be! snap snapp snappady! these memories are very precious and in the future Blake will have some idea of his lip looked like before the surgery ! even if its just to do a show and tell at school... (if he wanted to of course)

My boy is going to have a different smile! but he's going to be the same boy. I love him so much.

So if you are reading this please take a minute on Tuesday 15th November after 3.00pm wish my baby boy your best-est wishes to keep him safe. His Angel's will be watching over him, and he will be in excellent hands under Mr Cadier at Salisbury Hospital.

Thank You..... Next time I blog Blake will still have The Biggest Smile in the World!

WOW I cant begin to put into words how I am feeling right now! scared, anxious, nervous, stressed, sad, happy, even fear. So I am doing my best to keep myself busy, I have been making baby food all morning, dinners and puddings. We started weening Blake on to solids this week as one of our cleft nurses Maureen (who I think is wonderful) gave us the advice that it would be better for Blake after surgery. so I made two pudding Apple, Pear and Banana, and Apple, Forrest Berries and banana... yummy!! and I made Carrot, Swede, Parsnip with Apple, then I made Sweet potato and Carrot, potted the lot up the put them in the fridge. With some in the freezer so Chris can bring some to the hospital when Blake runs out. Blake's been enjoying his food he loves porridge in the morning!

Blakes Hospital bag is almost packed, just need to add few bits, made sure that I packed vests that button up that way we wont catch his lip when we have to change his clothes. while i was folding his cloths I was thinking to myself that I wonder if Blake will be wondering whats going on, I hope I will be enough to comfort him, I better not forget his mouse he loves his mousy. Me and Chris were talking the other night about after surgery whether Blake will still stick his tongue out ! it made us laugh.... he's just so darn cute. I will probably cry a lot as just writing this is making me feel emotional.

Chris's Sister Clare is coming to help us for a few days... She will be arriving early hours. She's going to be entertaining Tia 'good luck with that' Tia has become a little monkey of late but its very hard to be mad at her as she also is too darn cute :)
So a massive thank you to Clare! we love you very much and we appreciate all the help you can give!

There's so much I want to say but  feel a little numb....and excited at the same time. We have taken lots of pictures of Blake and if I was to give any advise to someone, that is what it would be! snap snapp snappady! these memories are very precious and in the future Blake will have some idea of his lip looked like before the surgery ! even if its just to do a show and tell at school... (if he wanted to of course)

My boy is going to have a different smile! but he's going to be the same boy. I love him so much.

So if you are reading this please take a minute on Tuesday 15th November after 3.00pm wish my baby boy your best-est wishes to keep him safe. His Angel's will be watching over him, and he will be in excellent hands under Mr Cadier at Salisbury Hospital.

Thank You..... Next time I blog Blake will still have The Biggest Smile in the World!

So since receiving 'the letter' we have just been getting on with life as best we can, trying not to worry and get on with things! 'but hay who are we kidding its natural to worry even if people say everything is going to be fine... even the people that have been through it... each experience is different'. all I can do is ask my Angel's to watch over my precious bundle till the surgery is done! and I believe they will, but as a mother you still worry about all silly little things.

Blake's weight has started to drop a little I think he could have a little lactose intolerance as it runs in both sides of the family, so I took him to the Doctors who referred me to see the a Doctor at the hospital, it all turned out OK he just thinks Blake is settling and his advise was to start weaning him on baby rice.... which we tried and he didn't seem to impressed bless him. Blake's four months now and he's taking interest in everything.. he loves all his toys and even turns himself over he's got a proper little boy personality! he definitely likes cars.. he has the most beautiful smile and an even more beautiful laugh he loves silly noises!

Blake's is a very cuddly little man and believe me me when I say he's a boob man.. he loves the ladies! haha... he really makes me laugh. He's started rocking himself when he sits on your knee it is so funny! everyday is getting closer to the surgery and we went to see Mr Cadier for another meeting this time though we got to look around the ward. Mr Cadier was pleased when he looked into Blake's mouth he said it was a narrow cleft so that meant an easier job for him. The ward was really homely and its got a lovely theme it has all just been done up, the staff were really friendly too, it made me feel bit more at ease knowing where everything is before Blake's admission on the 14th November.

At the moment Me, Tia and Blake are in Yorkshire spending time with friends and family it will be the last chance to see him with his Cleft the next time he will look just like everyone else, and I just wanted everyone to see him as to me I will miss him looking as he is, its very emotional as I know it will be better for him in the future but I love him the way he is! and he's going to look so different after surgery it will be like getting to know him again. The main thing that worries me is knowing he will be going under! and that I cant be in there holding his tiny hand. I am terrified and calm at the same time if that makes any sense? I have taken lots and lots of pictures of him so when he's older he can see the before and after. I think memories are precious and I never want to forget this very precious journey.

10 Days till Blake's Surgery.....

So since receiving 'the letter' we have just been getting on with life as best we can, trying not to worry and get on with things! 'but hay who are we kidding its natural to worry even if people say everything is going to be fine... even the people that have been through it... each experience is different'. all I can do is ask my Angel's to watch over my precious bundle till the surgery is done! and I believe they will, but as a mother you still worry about all silly little things.

Blake's weight has started to drop a little I think he could have a little lactose intolerance as it runs in both sides of the family, so I took him to the Doctors who referred me to see the a Doctor at the hospital, it all turned out OK he just thinks Blake is settling and his advise was to start weaning him on baby rice.... which we tried and he didn't seem to impressed bless him. Blake's four months now and he's taking interest in everything.. he loves all his toys and even turns himself over he's got a proper little boy personality! he definitely likes cars.. he has the most beautiful smile and an even more beautiful laugh he loves silly noises!

Blake's is a very cuddly little man and believe me me when I say he's a boob man.. he loves the ladies! haha... he really makes me laugh. He's started rocking himself when he sits on your knee it is so funny! everyday is getting closer to the surgery and we went to see Mr Cadier for another meeting this time though we got to look around the ward. Mr Cadier was pleased when he looked into Blake's mouth he said it was a narrow cleft so that meant an easier job for him. The ward was really homely and its got a lovely theme it has all just been done up, the staff were really friendly too, it made me feel bit more at ease knowing where everything is before Blake's admission on the 14th November.

At the moment Me, Tia and Blake are in Yorkshire spending time with friends and family it will be the last chance to see him with his Cleft the next time he will look just like everyone else, and I just wanted everyone to see him as to me I will miss him looking as he is, its very emotional as I know it will be better for him in the future but I love him the way he is! and he's going to look so different after surgery it will be like getting to know him again. The main thing that worries me is knowing he will be going under! and that I cant be in there holding his tiny hand. I am terrified and calm at the same time if that makes any sense? I have taken lots and lots of pictures of him so when he's older he can see the before and after. I think memories are precious and I never want to forget this very precious journey.

10 Days till Blake's Surgery.....

So now I was taken to my own private room, and Chris held Blake and gave his little man a cuddle! we were so blessed our family unit complete. I was so pleased the labor was over it was all very quick after my waters broke I think I was in shock Chris said I had a funny turn in the delivery room,  Chris told me to get into bed and have a nap and that he would stay and sort Blake out for me I was so lucky to have a wonderful partner and new baby boy. I napped for about 30 minutes then Chris had to go home hes was exhausted too.

So as I sat alone holding my new born baby, I thought about all he had to face in the coming years, it was emotional, during my pregnancy I thought it be best to imagine the worst outcome that way I would be prepared for what Blake may look like, but what ever the outcome I wasn't bothered as I knew i'd love him whatever. What I thought about while holding him was the thought of his tiny body undergoing surgery. Its a scary thought, I just viewed it as another obstacle we will face as a family.

I spent four days in Salisbury hospital in my own room the Midwives were brilliant, I wasn't aloud home till feeding was established, I took to the new bottles well and so did Blake. I wanted to give Blake my own breast milk so I expressed, it was very hard work and it  made me very tired seemed like all I did was feed and express milk, the midwives were impressed with my determination apparently I was the talk of the ward, Me and my beautiful Cleft baby! the midwives loved Blake and when they could see I was in need of sleep they took him and watched him for me. I was so thankful as I wasn't sleeping much.

Chris brought Tia to see her baby brother she was happy he was finally here and wanted a cuddle! it was so lovely and she already wanted to help change his bottom! Mum and Dad came to visit in the afternoon, it was overwhelming as I could see my mum was nervous as she held Blake I could tell she was upset, but she was hiding it well but I could feel it, not because of how he looked, she was upset that he was going to have a lot to contend with in his life I know she wished it hadn't happened to him. It is scary knowing your baby will have to have several surgeries throughout his childhood. The next day she visited she was different she said 'come on give me my Grandson!'  She later told me she had been to see my Auntie Dawn and talked with her! whatever she said made my mum happier and that made me happy. Everyday I fell more in love with my baby boy and it was time to go home, I had a few visits beforehand from the Cleft nurses who gave me advice and some more special bottles they were happy with our progress they gave me an electric breast pump which was brilliant as I was keen to use my milk as long as I could.

All the midwives came to say goodbye.... I was really cared for during my stay so I asked Chris to get a card and a present for them to say thank you ! I new that Mum and Dad were going home this very evening I was a little upset but I knew they had to go home, My Mum has terrible back pain and was not feeling too well and Dad was full of cold and worried about passing it on, but I new I was going to be visiting Yorkshire soon, when we got home Mum was cooking us Dinner it smelled divine I was starving, we all enjoyed our last meal together them they got ready to leave, we said our goodbyes and waved them off. We were alone now with our two children, Tia was in bed and Blake was snoozing in his Moses's basket. Me and Chris had our first proper hug......... it was lovely as the bump gone. :)

The next few weeks went in a blur visits from the midwives and Cleft nurses and then health visitors it was all go! Blake failed his hearing test in his left ear, he had to have a another test done using a more sophisticated piece of equipment, and we were pleased that he passed with fl

So now I was taken to my own private room, and Chris held Blake and gave his little man a cuddle! we were so blessed our family unit complete. I was so pleased the labor was over it was all very quick after my waters broke I think I was in shock Chris said I had a funny turn in the delivery room,  Chris told me to get into bed and have a nap and that he would stay and sort Blake out for me I was so lucky to have a wonderful partner and new baby boy. I napped for about 30 minutes then Chris had to go home hes was exhausted too.

So as I sat alone holding my new born baby, I thought about all he had to face in the coming years, it was emotional, during my pregnancy I thought it be best to imagine the worst outcome that way I would be prepared for what Blake may look like, but what ever the outcome I wasn't bothered as I knew i'd love him whatever. What I thought about while holding him was the thought of his tiny body undergoing surgery. Its a scary thought, I just viewed it as another obstacle we will face as a family.

I spent four days in Salisbury hospital in my own room the Midwives were brilliant, I wasn't aloud home till feeding was established, I took to the new bottles well and so did Blake. I wanted to give Blake my own breast milk so I expressed, it was very hard work and it  made me very tired seemed like all I did was feed and express milk, the midwives were impressed with my determination apparently I was the talk of the ward, Me and my beautiful Cleft baby! the midwives loved Blake and when they could see I was in need of sleep they took him and watched him for me. I was so thankful as I wasn't sleeping much.

Chris brought Tia to see her baby brother she was happy he was finally here and wanted a cuddle! it was so lovely and she already wanted to help change his bottom! Mum and Dad came to visit in the afternoon, it was overwhelming as I could see my mum was nervous as she held Blake I could tell she was upset, but she was hiding it well but I could feel it, not because of how he looked, she was upset that he was going to have a lot to contend with in his life I know she wished it hadn't happened to him. It is scary knowing your baby will have to have several surgeries throughout his childhood. The next day she visited she was different she said 'come on give me my Grandson!'  She later told me she had been to see my Auntie Dawn and talked with her! whatever she said made my mum happier and that made me happy. Everyday I fell more in love with my baby boy and it was time to go home, I had a few visits beforehand from the Cleft nurses who gave me advice and some more special bottles they were happy with our progress they gave me an electric breast pump which was brilliant as I was keen to use my milk as long as I could.

All the midwives came to say goodbye.... I was really cared for during my stay so I asked Chris to get a card and a present for them to say thank you ! I new that Mum and Dad were going home this very evening I was a little upset but I knew they had to go home, My Mum has terrible back pain and was not feeling too well and Dad was full of cold and worried about passing it on, but I new I was going to be visiting Yorkshire soon, when we got home Mum was cooking us Dinner it smelled divine I was starving, we all enjoyed our last meal together them they got ready to leave, we said our goodbyes and waved them off. We were alone now with our two children, Tia was in bed and Blake was snoozing in his Moses's basket. Me and Chris had our first proper hug......... it was lovely as the bump gone. :)

The next few weeks went in a blur visits from the midwives and Cleft nurses and then health visitors it was all go! Blake failed his hearing test in his left ear, he had to have a another test done using a more sophisticated piece of equipment, and we were pleased that he passed with flying colours! as we were worried he may be deaf  as his cleft is to the left it was quite possible! Another weight lifted... People were starting to ask questions on Facebook wondering why there were no pictures, so we decided to post some and let everybody know! the comment and support were wonderful from everyone I was so proud of my little bruiser. Eve came to visit and brought Blake a present She said he was beautiful, she told us that everyone had been thinking about us and they had been praying, I really believed it helped as I actually had a good labor. I told Eve that Tia wasn't settling at night so she took her upstairs and Blessed the room, for the first time in a week she actually went to bed and slept peacefully it was amazing!! Eve is Amazing! I wish I could put her in my pocket and carry her everywhere!

We received a letter from the Hospital, a meeting was set up for us to meet the rest of the Cleft team and the surgeon Mr Cadier this was on 27th July it went really well Mr Cadier seemed happy with Blakes progress and he also told us a bit about the operation, he told us he would fix the lip and soft palate at the same time and that the op would take about three hours. he said we would get a surgery date within eight to ten weeks time! After six weeks I made the decision to start giving Blake formula milk as I just wasn't producing enough of my own milk, and all I seemed to be doing was feeding then expressing. It was very hard work and I was becoming very tired I spoke to my health visitor about my decision, and she said I did well to go that long so I am proud I did what I could So now I can give the pump back to the Clapa team!

Waiting for that letter... played on our minds as it seemed to be taking ages, everyday we would wait for the post, it would drop through the door then .. nothing! I started to worry and well I moaned a lot to Chris in the end I think he was wondering why we hadn't herd anything. So he decided to ring our Cleft nurse and see what was happening and he did this the day the letter came through the door! strange! The surgery usually takes place from three and half months, our surgery date is 15th November at 3.00pm! We also have to go in on the 19th October for another meet and greet with Mr Cadier to look around the ward and have another check up. Blake will be two days off being five months old when he has his surgery. We are excited that we have a date... but were also sad as we love our Blake just the way he is! he has the most beautiful biggest smile in the world.

OK so as the pregnancy progressed my OC really started to kick in, to the point where I was having to visit the day unit twice a week for baby monitoring and bloods! I swear the Midwives all new me by first name after a couple of weeks, they all really looked after me. I felt ill, really ill and the hospital trips were getting to me.  In some ways I felt like a pin cushion with all the blood tests I was having to have, I was finding it very hard to sleep as well so I was tired all the time Chris was worried about me and the baby, and I think even Tia was wondering what on earth was going on!

Non the less it had to be done as my Bile Acid levels were hitting 31 then dropping and going back up which is not great and my ATL's were up and down, this wasn't good for my liver. As soon as I was diagnosed from the beginning I was put on medication called urso, I had to up the dosage a few times, I also had Piriton on tap to help with the itching  My uncle Arran starting helping out even chauffeuring me to and from hospital he was brilliant!  I was really starting to get frustrated and worried about my baby, with my Bile Acid levels being up and down. I was so scared I might lose him  All I wanted to know was whether I was going to be Induced! just waiting for that tiny piece of information was agonizing.

My pregnancy was being high jacked! it wasn't the enjoyable experience I would have liked in fact it made me feel very depressed and angry I often wondered why me? but I had to pull myself together as it wasn't just the OC and cleft to worry about I had my beautiful little girl to look after. I had to hide my fear and sadness from her, Tia and Chris were my rocks, they kept me going.  Thankfully Chris's sister Beka came to stay with us for a while, She also became a rock for us all. She was a godsend, she really cheered me up it was great having her company during the day and she was brilliant with Tia, Chris enjoyed having her around as well, We were sad to see her go home!  I really appreciated her being there for us, and I did cry a bit when she left.

Throughout my pregnancy my Mother was brilliant, she lives in Yorkshire so it was so hard being so far away not just for me but for her... I'm her little girl and she couldn't comfort me! but I went up to visit as much as I could. My Mum and Dad were coming down to Dorset to help the week before the birth and we finally were told I was going to be induced! it was like a massive weight was lifted. They decided That I was to go to 39 weeks, just like my first pregnancy. Labor - Day 17th June 2011 ! I was straight on the phone to my Mum! then I let my Dad know as he was coming from France to collect my Mum. I couldn't wait to see them.I was practically bouncing off the walls with excitement!

During the last month I wanted to help with the OC research so Jenny Chambers sent me a kit to give to the midwives at my labor, it would involve them taking a piece of my placenta and sending it to London. I asked the midwives at the hospital whether they would mind doing this and they didn't seem too keen, which disappointing me dearly, but I decided to talk it along anyway.

Mum and Dad arrived a week before my Induction so we made the most of it Tia loved having her Nanna and Grandpapie around and of course she was spoiled rotten! as the Induction loomed I was getting really tired and my hips were starting to really hurt I started to think about my baby and how he would look and if we would bond straight away! and I was worried about what people would think so I requested a room of my own, I wanted to be able to bond with my little man in peace and not have preying eyes and questions!
I thought about all that we had been told and thought this is going to be a long journey! but I'm totally ready for it!

OK so as the pregnancy progressed my OC really started to kick in, to the point where I was having to visit the day unit twice a week for baby monitoring and bloods! I swear the Midwives all new me by first name after a couple of weeks, they all really looked after me. I felt ill, really ill and the hospital trips were getting to me.  In some ways I felt like a pin cushion with all the blood tests I was having to have, I was finding it very hard to sleep as well so I was tired all the time Chris was worried about me and the baby, and I think even Tia was wondering what on earth was going on!

Non the less it had to be done as my Bile Acid levels were hitting 31 then dropping and going back up which is not great and my ATL's were up and down, this wasn't good for my liver. As soon as I was diagnosed from the beginning I was put on medication called urso, I had to up the dosage a few times, I also had Piriton on tap to help with the itching  My uncle Arran starting helping out even chauffeuring me to and from hospital he was brilliant!  I was really starting to get frustrated and worried about my baby, with my Bile Acid levels being up and down. I was so scared I might lose him  All I wanted to know was whether I was going to be Induced! just waiting for that tiny piece of information was agonizing.

My pregnancy was being high jacked! it wasn't the enjoyable experience I would have liked in fact it made me feel very depressed and angry I often wondered why me? but I had to pull myself together as it wasn't just the OC and cleft to worry about I had my beautiful little girl to look after. I had to hide my fear and sadness from her, Tia and Chris were my rocks, they kept me going.  Thankfully Chris's sister Beka came to stay with us for a while, She also became a rock for us all. She was a godsend, she really cheered me up it was great having her company during the day and she was brilliant with Tia, Chris enjoyed having her around as well, We were sad to see her go home!  I really appreciated her being there for us, and I did cry a bit when she left.

Throughout my pregnancy my Mother was brilliant, she lives in Yorkshire so it was so hard being so far away not just for me but for her... I'm her little girl and she couldn't comfort me! but I went up to visit as much as I could. My Mum and Dad were coming down to Dorset to help the week before the birth and we finally were told I was going to be induced! it was like a massive weight was lifted. They decided That I was to go to 39 weeks, just like my first pregnancy. Labor - Day 17th June 2011 ! I was straight on the phone to my Mum! then I let my Dad know as he was coming from France to collect my Mum. I couldn't wait to see them.I was practically bouncing off the walls with excitement!

During the last month I wanted to help with the OC research so Jenny Chambers sent me a kit to give to the midwives at my labor, it would involve them taking a piece of my placenta and sending it to London. I asked the midwives at the hospital whether they would mind doing this and they didn't seem too keen, which disappointing me dearly, but I decided to talk it along anyway.

Mum and Dad arrived a week before my Induction so we made the most of it Tia loved having her Nanna and Grandpapie around and of course she was spoiled rotten! as the Induction loomed I was getting really tired and my hips were starting to really hurt I started to think about my baby and how he would look and if we would bond straight away! and I was worried about what people would think so I requested a room of my own, I wanted to be able to bond with my little man in peace and not have preying eyes and questions!
I thought about all that we had been told and thought this is going to be a long journey! but I'm totally ready for it! All I wanted was for my baby to be in my arms and my body back! lol the pain was getting worse.

The evening before my Induction I could hardly walk up the stairs I actually thought I'm going to go into natural labor!! Chris helped me to bed, I know my Mum was worried, but I must say I had the best nights sleep i'd had in months! We got up early filled the car with all the essentials, Labor bag, water, yum yums, magazines, you name it we had it! woke Mum and told her i'd rang the ward and that I was going in, she said "OK love i'll see you soon" and gave me a kiss.  The plan was she would meet us at the hospital later as sometimes Induction can take days, but I knew he was destined to be born on this day!

We got to the hospital and I gave my notes to the Midwife making sure they new I was having a Cleft baby, The Midwifes on duty were wonderful and very caring they really made me feel at ease. Chris was brilliant, he was really supportive texting keeping people up to date, Finally I was going to be Induced at 10.30am, at this point I remembered i had forgot the research kit and scolded myself for forgetting it, now I was disappointed in myself. as I really wanted to help other woman going through this bizarre condition.

Now I was getting nervous but I new positive thinking was the key to a calm labor and with the help of my trusted tense machine of course! my best friend .... which I nearly didn't have because they had discontinued the pads that go with my model but I managed to locate the very very last packed in a store in Bradford!!! Chris's Sister collected them and sent me them down in the post what a life saver!! All I wanted was my tense machine and Gas and Air for pain relief. No other drugs if I could help it, I have a high pain thresh hold.

I new I would only need the one Pessary Gel to start my contractions it was the same with my first Labor soon at it started I told the midwife whom was surprised! she hooked me up to the monitor to keep an eye on the baby and the contractions, this had to be done because of my OC condition. Chris also hooked me up to my best friend the contractions were mild at first but they started to get stronger... Chris messaged my Mum... She messaged back that I was going to be fine.. I had a feeling she wasn't coming. I was scared by the thought of not having her there, Chris could see the worry etched on my face, he said "Jemma its going to be fine you have me!" he was my rock. I knew there had to be a good reason she couldn't be there.

I was moved to my own room at about 4.15pm the pain was becoming intense I was thankful that meant I could get my hands on the yummy Gas and Air!!! things started to move quickly and the contractions were getting real painful, had my first suck on the Gas and Air and boy did it help and boy did it make me laugh Chris said "oh god not again"  remembering my first labor I happily sang Eye of the Tiger from the rocky movie!

I was High as a kite after a few minutes and started laughing my head off then I snorted ! oops so I then started singing Peppa Pig! Bless him he was little embarrassed but the trainee midwife giggled, then the contractions were so bad I couldn't laugh anymore it was time to focus on the task at hand bringing my baby into the world. The midwife that had been with me throughout told us her shift was over soon and that there was going to be a shift change.. I was a little upset as she had been amazing. My new Midwife was informed and we got to know each other quickly.. they discussed breaking my waters. this was not going to happen I felt like my like my pelvis had been head butted and I told Chris, It was a weird feeling then 5 minutes later my waters broke on there own!

It was very very fast from then out, I had to push  with every contraction finally his head emerged then on that next push my contraction died! his head was stuck till the next one came, and it came after what seemed like an eternity! and I pushed and pushed!  then at 8.57pm my Baby Boy was laying in my arms....
My first thoughts was my god  the cleft it isn't bad at all... he's so gorgeous! and wow he looks just like Tia did! We were so proud of our gorgeous boy.. he was a whopping 8lb 10oz big for me as I'm only 5'2! he looked like a boxer, our little bruiser. The love engulfed me as I held my Boy! I was elated and drunk on my love for my Blake my Cleft baby, I bonded instantly like a Lioness to her Cub... protective and fierce, loving and strong. Happy and very tired.

After the scans my moods changed a lot sometimes I was up then I would be down... I had a chat with a very good friend of mine she told me to read a book called Angel's in my hair by Lorna Byrne this may sound dramatic but that book changed my life, it was like an Angel touched my very soul. Me and Chris decided we would like to get Blake and Tia Christened, so I got in touch with our local reverend via email, and was really chuffed to get a reply, she came to visit and we had a long chat about how life had been for us both over the five years, and that we wanted a fresh start, our rev is called Eve and I must say she's such a beautiful person inside and out and I felt that from our first meeting. Tia took to her like a duck on water and that is a compliment as she never very forward when meeting strangers!  Eve said she would put Blake on the prayer list and said a prayer for him with us it made me feel very emotional she really lifted my spirits. She also told us about Messy Church, were people from the village get together and do loads of fun things like painting and crafts as well as dinner! it sounded right up my street with me being an Artist. Tia loves stuff like that and it was based at her pre-school one Sunday every month. We thought it would be a great way to meet people too.

Just over a year ago I was meant to go to France to see my Dad, and my Mum was going to be there as well but her plans changed due to an appointment she had to make, something in the pit of my stomach did not want me to go to France I was totally drawn to go to my Mums in Yorkshire, it was like I had to go... something told me I must go.. I did, I went up on the plane with Tia she was 16 months at the time. It was a good week then the day before I was due to go home I got a call from my Mum, I was visiting a friend at the time!

Mum was not making much sense saying my Friend was there with her and that she needed to speak, my Friend came on the line and told me the worst news, her beautiful daughter 'Tia's best friend' had passed away..... I went straight to her I had to hold her in my arms. I stayed with her throughout it was very emotional to much to even bare writing the pain...  I felt her pain as a mother, a friend.... I new there was a reason I had to be there in Yorkshire. I had to be by my friends side.  Before I left I said to my friend
"A baby's soul picks there mother before there born, she picked you! even for the short time she was here she wanted to be your daughter." now she is an Angel. We all miss her so much.

The book I read by Lorna Bryne had virtually that same sentence 'the baby's soul picks you' and the thing is I don't know where it came from when I said it too my friend. when I read it I remembered telling her. My heart swelled and I rubbed my bump and said to myself, You picked me because I am strong and you know I will be a mother that will be like a lioness to her cubs. then he kicked me. lol
That book flicked a switch in my head....... believe it or not I believe in angel's.

We had our first visit from our Cleft nurse she brought photo's of before and after surgery I didn't realize there were so many different Clefts. I showed Tia pictures I thought it would be best that way she would also be prepared, she just said 'mummy it's a baby' she wasn't even fazed, bless her heart. The cleft nurse told us what we may expect and even the problems that could accrue that come with having a Cleft... several surgeries, deafness, speech therapy, dental care, ear infections, feeding, we would have to use special bottles, and that I probably would not be able to breast feed, this upset me a little I really wanted to do this as I did it for six months with Tia, In my eye's it gives the best start in life. It was over whelming but knowing my baby boy was going to be in brilliant hands at Salisbur

After the scans my moods changed a lot sometimes I was up then I would be down... I had a chat with a very good friend of mine she told me to read a book called Angel's in my hair by Lorna Byrne this may sound dramatic but that book changed my life, it was like an Angel touched my very soul. Me and Chris decided we would like to get Blake and Tia Christened, so I got in touch with our local reverend via email, and was really chuffed to get a reply, she came to visit and we had a long chat about how life had been for us both over the five years, and that we wanted a fresh start, our rev is called Eve and I must say she's such a beautiful person inside and out and I felt that from our first meeting. Tia took to her like a duck on water and that is a compliment as she never very forward when meeting strangers!  Eve said she would put Blake on the prayer list and said a prayer for him with us it made me feel very emotional she really lifted my spirits. She also told us about Messy Church, were people from the village get together and do loads of fun things like painting and crafts as well as dinner! it sounded right up my street with me being an Artist. Tia loves stuff like that and it was based at her pre-school one Sunday every month. We thought it would be a great way to meet people too.

Just over a year ago I was meant to go to France to see my Dad, and my Mum was going to be there as well but her plans changed due to an appointment she had to make, something in the pit of my stomach did not want me to go to France I was totally drawn to go to my Mums in Yorkshire, it was like I had to go... something told me I must go.. I did, I went up on the plane with Tia she was 16 months at the time. It was a good week then the day before I was due to go home I got a call from my Mum, I was visiting a friend at the time!

Mum was not making much sense saying my Friend was there with her and that she needed to speak, my Friend came on the line and told me the worst news, her beautiful daughter 'Tia's best friend' had passed away..... I went straight to her I had to hold her in my arms. I stayed with her throughout it was very emotional to much to even bare writing the pain...  I felt her pain as a mother, a friend.... I new there was a reason I had to be there in Yorkshire. I had to be by my friends side.  Before I left I said to my friend
"A baby's soul picks there mother before there born, she picked you! even for the short time she was here she wanted to be your daughter." now she is an Angel. We all miss her so much.

The book I read by Lorna Bryne had virtually that same sentence 'the baby's soul picks you' and the thing is I don't know where it came from when I said it too my friend. when I read it I remembered telling her. My heart swelled and I rubbed my bump and said to myself, You picked me because I am strong and you know I will be a mother that will be like a lioness to her cubs. then he kicked me. lol
That book flicked a switch in my head....... believe it or not I believe in angel's.

We had our first visit from our Cleft nurse she brought photo's of before and after surgery I didn't realize there were so many different Clefts. I showed Tia pictures I thought it would be best that way she would also be prepared, she just said 'mummy it's a baby' she wasn't even fazed, bless her heart. The cleft nurse told us what we may expect and even the problems that could accrue that come with having a Cleft... several surgeries, deafness, speech therapy, dental care, ear infections, feeding, we would have to use special bottles, and that I probably would not be able to breast feed, this upset me a little I really wanted to do this as I did it for six months with Tia, In my eye's it gives the best start in life. It was over whelming but knowing my baby boy was going to be in brilliant hands at Salisbury hospital made me feel OK.

I must say the support I had from close friends and family was brilliant, Me and Chris decided not to tell too many people we wanted to keep it private from social network sites. I rang my Nanna Capel and told her the news she was very concerned my Uncle Dom came on the phone, he said " Jemma it doesn't matter what he looks like, you are a brilliant mother and we will all love him, its easily fixed, these things happen sometimes " I said thank you so much I put the phone down and cried it was what I needed to hear it touched my heart.

Like I said you go through so many emotions in stages its a bit like grief in a way. We learnt as much as we could throughout my pregnancy. I joined CLAPA online and I found an amazing site on Facebook that was brilliant and really helped and I found myself helping an supporting other mum's to be, I even found an article in Mother and Baby magazine about a mothers journey with her little boy! it really helped me so I photocopied it and posted it to several mothers going through the same things as me, I became part of the Facebook Cleft Lip & Palate Group we are a family. :)

Wow where do I Start? well how about my 'Name' it comes from my little girls most favorite thing in the world! 'Peppa Pig' Tia started calling me Mummypig about three months ago, then followed Daddypig for her Dad my amazing fella Chris! oh and let's not forget our family pet dog 'Candypig' who happens to be a big, 'well actually huge' Rottweiler...... a well huge pathetic Rottweiler lol

So there's Me, Chris, Tia  and my biggest inspiration for writing my Blog, My beautiful baby boy !
Blake Tyler James... born 17.06.2011

After Tia we decided to have another baby it was a big decision as my first pregnancy was tough as I suffered with OC a rare liver condition brought on by pregnancy hormones.... this condition plays havoc with your Bile Acids, and liver function pregnancy hormones make your body produce excess Bile that can then leak into the blood stream, if the bile was to pass through to the placenta it could harm the baby, If untreated it could result in stillbirth.  the main symptom is itching in your hands and feet.
We went ahead and within a few months I fell pregnant, so I prepared myself for the dreaded itch! 'this is one of the symptoms for OC that can be so bad it makes you want to find a tree just like Balou from jungle book as the itch got me everywhere while being pregnant with Tia, nightmare is not the word! lol

As I thought the condition did surface at about 12weeks in bouts. We had our 12 week scan and all was great... that's when the excitement kicks in and you realize....
 'Yep I'm going to have to go through labor again!!' Time went by and as it was drawing nearer to my 20 week scan I had a feeling something might be wrong I even confided in a work colleague she reassured me everything would be fine... it still niggled at the back of my mind. I was so sure something was going to be revealed to me.

The day arrived and we all got in the car and traveled the 45 minute drive to the hospital, that feeling was still there! so I was very nervous. We booked in at reception and we waited.. and waited... then waited so more there were only one other couple left waiting to go in people were going in that had arrived after us!... then my name was finally called! I nearly jumped out of my skin!
went in got comfy on the bed , then I was attacked by the warm sticky gel! I was hoping to be in and out but our 'Spud' as we nicknamed him was not playing ball! so we had to go and have a cup of tea then go back!!!

Twenty minutes later we went back, all was set up again it was the baby's face that needed checking, and he finally moved his hand.. that's when I saw the shadow ..then I saw the sonographers face fall in to a concerned expression! but I knew what she was going to say, and she did

" I am so sorry to have to tell you this but I suspect your baby has a Cleft Lip and that could also mean the hard palate may be affected also" my reply was  "Its OK Then what happens now?" I think she was expecting me to cry... but my instincts had prepared me for this news. She asked would we like to see the consultant so he could explain things to us in more detail? but to be honest I just wanted to go home! She told me to make an appointment to see my consultant on the Wednesday... we did then when home. The next day I was bombarded with calls from different midwives and it was quite a shock! so many people were saying how sorry they were...why were people apologizing? it could be worse! I then got a call from the specialists they wanted to see me on the Wednesday and they cancelled my appointment with the consultant for me. I became very emotional and rang my Auntie Dawn for advise, it helped so much she calmed me down and told me not to worry.

So many emotions consume you, sadness, anger, guilt, but you get over them all in

Wow where do I Start? well how about my 'Name' it comes from my little girls most favorite thing in the world! 'Peppa Pig' Tia started calling me Mummypig about three months ago, then followed Daddypig for her Dad my amazing fella Chris! oh and let's not forget our family pet dog 'Candypig' who happens to be a big, 'well actually huge' Rottweiler...... a well huge pathetic Rottweiler lol

So there's Me, Chris, Tia  and my biggest inspiration for writing my Blog, My beautiful baby boy !
Blake Tyler James... born 17.06.2011

After Tia we decided to have another baby it was a big decision as my first pregnancy was tough as I suffered with OC a rare liver condition brought on by pregnancy hormones.... this condition plays havoc with your Bile Acids, and liver function pregnancy hormones make your body produce excess Bile that can then leak into the blood stream, if the bile was to pass through to the placenta it could harm the baby, If untreated it could result in stillbirth.  the main symptom is itching in your hands and feet.
We went ahead and within a few months I fell pregnant, so I prepared myself for the dreaded itch! 'this is one of the symptoms for OC that can be so bad it makes you want to find a tree just like Balou from jungle book as the itch got me everywhere while being pregnant with Tia, nightmare is not the word! lol

As I thought the condition did surface at about 12weeks in bouts. We had our 12 week scan and all was great... that's when the excitement kicks in and you realize....
 'Yep I'm going to have to go through labor again!!' Time went by and as it was drawing nearer to my 20 week scan I had a feeling something might be wrong I even confided in a work colleague she reassured me everything would be fine... it still niggled at the back of my mind. I was so sure something was going to be revealed to me.

The day arrived and we all got in the car and traveled the 45 minute drive to the hospital, that feeling was still there! so I was very nervous. We booked in at reception and we waited.. and waited... then waited so more there were only one other couple left waiting to go in people were going in that had arrived after us!... then my name was finally called! I nearly jumped out of my skin!
went in got comfy on the bed , then I was attacked by the warm sticky gel! I was hoping to be in and out but our 'Spud' as we nicknamed him was not playing ball! so we had to go and have a cup of tea then go back!!!

Twenty minutes later we went back, all was set up again it was the baby's face that needed checking, and he finally moved his hand.. that's when I saw the shadow ..then I saw the sonographers face fall in to a concerned expression! but I knew what she was going to say, and she did

" I am so sorry to have to tell you this but I suspect your baby has a Cleft Lip and that could also mean the hard palate may be affected also" my reply was  "Its OK Then what happens now?" I think she was expecting me to cry... but my instincts had prepared me for this news. She asked would we like to see the consultant so he could explain things to us in more detail? but to be honest I just wanted to go home! She told me to make an appointment to see my consultant on the Wednesday... we did then when home. The next day I was bombarded with calls from different midwives and it was quite a shock! so many people were saying how sorry they were...why were people apologizing? it could be worse! I then got a call from the specialists they wanted to see me on the Wednesday and they cancelled my appointment with the consultant for me. I became very emotional and rang my Auntie Dawn for advise, it helped so much she calmed me down and told me not to worry.

So many emotions consume you, sadness, anger, guilt, but you get over them all in different stages! at first I wondered if it was my fault, but deep down I knew it wasn't anybodies fault. throughout the pregnancy my Chris was brilliant especially when the OC really kicked in at 26 weeks! the condition was wrose second time around. It was so frustrating, there were lots of scary trips to the hospital for different reasons we had two specialist scans at the Princess Ann in Southampton (where they film one born every minute) to find out more about the Cleft. At one point it looked like he had a deformed eye, and I was like 'OMG he's got something wrong with his eye!' the specialis laughed and said 'No Jemma don't worry he's just pressed up against your womb!!' So well I left feeling a  little silly after that! how embarrassing!.

We were told our baby had a Unilateral Cleft Lip to the left & the Hard and Soft Palate was possibly affected also, the Cleft had affected his gum as well it was at this scan that we decided to find out the sex as we wanted to focus on something new, we were delighted to be told it was a blue!