Just keep swimming.

I almost drowned.

Last week, the water was deep. A friend’s wife, who psychiatrist, was attacked and killed by a patient who snapped. Days later, I read of the shootings in Louisiana and Minnesota. Last Thursday, I experience the sorrow in my beloved town of Dallas when we lost five men in the line of duty during a peaceful march.

I felt like I was holding my breath. My dog-paddling skills suck. I was getting tired of treading water in tears of despair. Anxiety trickled in other areas of my life.

I became worried about my sons when they played video games. I worried when they were in the community pool. I grew nervous about the wart on one of my older shelter dogs. Was it cancer? I became apprehensive about the energy I would encounter when I had to go and work downtown a few days after the shooting.

I was drowning. I could feel the water reaching my eyes.

The intuitive voice inside my gut reminded me. This is not living. This is fearing.

Fearing is the opposite of loving. You can’t do both at the same time.

Woosh.

That was gulp of air I needed. That was the water slap of consciousness I needed. I was floating in a sea of despair letting my reaction and emotions swim into other areas of my life. When I became aware of my thinking and what was occurring, I could create the intention of how I wanted to live in the moment and just keep swimming.

The first thing was to create the intention of the moment or day.

What feeling did I want to cultivate? Love. Love is the opposite of fear. Fear was causing the water to rise in my life, in my sacred moments with my family and in my soul.

By creating the intention of the feeling I wanted to cultivate, I created my purpose.

Many times we think that “finding your purpose” is some giant moment on a mountain, saving thousands of animals or finding cures to what kills us. But finding your purpose can also be smaller moments in your life to lead you to bigger things. They can also just be small moments of purpose with lifelong impact.

My intention was to bring love wherever I could. Even when it wasn’t easy. Yesterday, I put on my flippers and water wings of intention of love and started paddling through my day. On a piece of scratch paper I wrote, “swim in love” just in the event I would forget three seconds later like Dory from Finding Nemo. And then I headed downtown to work.

As a drove to downtown Dallas, cars and busses simply stopped. Soon I was on the very slow motion carousel of traffic. Many parts of downtown were closed down due the events that had happened. Parking was non-existent. Patience went down as anger rose up. Honking escalated.

Swim in love.

Swim in love.

Swim in love.

I swam in love even when people honked at me. I sent love to the people who were cutting in front of me. I felt compassion because I too had been in that place when I was drowning in unconsciousness. I sent love to the parking attendant who was drenched in the heat of the morning sun. I was grateful to find parking. I sent love to the police officer that was standing guard by a building because it had been a long weekend of sorrow and he had to get back to the grind.

By the end of the day of being intentional with my purpose of bringing love, my day had gone smoother. And I still had energy for my husband and children and dogs at the end of the day. It felt like I could breathe again.

So as you go throughout your day and you feel like you’re getting in the deep waters of sadness or despair lean into this:

Think about what feeling would you like to experience today.

Would you like to cultivate more love, contribution, abundance, or peace?

Decide which one you’d like to focus on and make this your purpose today.

Make it personal and find small steps along your day to swim in it.

Set up reminders of your intention because it’s easy to forget. Write on a Post It Note, on your computer, phone, or even on your hand.

Reflect at the end of the day how it went. Be kind to yourself. If you feel like you could have done more or better, that’s okay. You can always set your intention again for the next day. And the next.

Today, I will swim again in love. I’m sending it to all of you today. Because we all need to just keep swimming together in peace.

Hold on stronger and longer.

Vacation…all I ever wanted…

When it comes to creating and sustaining your happiness, does it feel like a vacation or a dead-end job? Do you look at your days only to get to five o’clock or limp along to the weekend. Or to the next paycheck? Does this suck the life out of you and your happiness?

I’m not a fancy person when it comes to time off. I like visiting my extended family and hanging out and talking. We travel to Corpus Christi to go the beach and then go home.

It was simple enough until there were reports of high levels of flesh eating bacteria in the ocean. Ack. My mind went into overdrive. Instead of worrying about my kids eating Hot Funyuns for breakfast or if I had brought along my small pharmacy in my purse of Advil, Tylenol, and Band Aids to cure any unforeseen aches or injuries, now I had to entertain new thoughts.

Would my scraped and scrappy, bug bitten children get infected with the flesh eating bacteria and come back looking like they were auditioning for the munchkin version of Walking Dead?

Needless to say we skipped the beach. And went to the world aquarium.

Now I must mention. I’m not a big fan of crowds. As a sensitive empath, I feel everyone and everything. Seriously. I feel the energy of the man who is pissed at not finding a parking space. I feel the anxiety of the woman who is afraid she doesn’t have enough money at the food court. I feel the impatience of the parent who is about to haul off and swat their child. I felt the excitement and danger of the little girl not being supervised by her parents and about to fall in the stingray pool.

Thank goodness I became aware that I was getting swept up in everything else that wasn’t my happiness. I saw my two crazy babies aged 7 and 5 who were squealing at jellyfish and screaming at sharks. And It hit me, like a hammerhead shark. If I wanted to experience happiness in that moment, then I needed to savor the moment I was in. And it worked out like this…

How to Hold on To Happiness by Savoring

Step 1. START HERE. BE CURIOUS

For me in the midst of this hot crowd of people, I took a few deep breaths to pull myself out of my head. Now, I could become more aware and mindful and witness this beautiful sea life, which I don’t get to see on a daily basis. The blue water in the ginormous tanks with slo-mo fish was as hypnotizing as they were calming. As I scanned the room, I became curious about what made me happy.

For me it was easy. As my kids moved from aquarium to aquarium, their gasps and squeals and wide eyes of discovery reminded me that I get to share their discovery of this life and what it has to offer. I felt the expansion of happiness.

Step 2. THRIVE WITH THE FIVE.
When I was exploring with my sons and husband the pool of stingrays, instead of reaching for my phone to capture the moment, I decided to live it first with all my senses. I noticed the hot windy air and the contrast of the cool water when I carefully dipped two fingers down to touch the back of a small slimy stingray. I heard the voices of my sons as they waited not so patiently for the stingray swim by. I peered in eyes of my husband, and we made crinkly eyes at each other knowing that even after 25 years, this is another good day. I could hold on to happiness in this moment even longer by using all my sense to experience it and be there fully.

Step 3. RETELL IT WELL. RECALL IT ALL.

The last step after finding the moment and savoring it with all your senses is to recall it all and retell it well. Remember this moment at the end of the day. Or share it with your friends or on Facebook or album. Research by Dr. Fred Bryant who is one of the top researchers on the study of happiness shows that people who savor moments received a bigger boost of happiness than those who didn’t or those who found negative moments in happy situations.

At the end of my day, I relived the experience with my sons. I also shared photos with my cousins and my beautiful aunt Armida who is 79 and we reminisced about happy and cherished beach memories from decades past.

If you want to hold on to happiness longer and stronger, then remember to focus on the moment you are in and become curious about what makes you happy. It could be a cup of coffee. Your dog. Your favorite song on the radio. The smell of suntan lotion. Use all your five sense to experience the joy at a deeper multi-sense level.

Feel the heat of your coffee mug. Feel the softness of your dogs fur or listen to the groans and panting as you scratch his belly. Sing loudly to your favorite song. Feel the smooth coolness of your suntan lotion.

And then share them with the world. The people that you love and love you most get joy from your happiness. Give it too them. Broadcast and share your happiness and it will travel a long way. And you will be able to hang on it longer because it will last a lifetime. Yours and beyond. Namaste.

Your intention: Start with Heart.

A week ago, I had a dear friend leave the Earth. Brain cancer. This is the 2^nd mother I’ve known to pass from brain cancer in the last 45 days. These moms left family and kids behind. Hearts are devastated. In a word, it sucks.

Most days, like most folks, I don’t think of my demise. It’s too much. If you Google the 10 top ways we die, there are many studies  that list all the ways  we are going to kick it and none of them say, “soundly and beautifully in our sleep.”

How to we adult our mortality? Our heads and minds don’t want to wrap around that concept. And when our loved ones pass away, our hearts shut down and scream silently, “We. Just. Can’t. Deal”.

So, how to we find happiness amidst our own little lifespan?

We do it by small steps. Really small ones. Mindful ones.

We do it by aligning our minds with our hearts. We create awareness. We use intention followed by action because the real secret to life is this:

We can increase our happiness and increase the magnitude of our gratitude by LOVING THE CRAP OUT OF PEOPLE.

And we can do it simply in these 3 ways. So let’s go get them.

1. Soak In Their Being

As you go through your day today, really “see” people. Be completely present, hear their choice words when they talk with you. Listen to them without peering at your phone. Ask them questions about their life and hear them without hearing your own brain chatter with what it will say next. Don’t be in a rush. When you connect with them…slow down and let the connection soak in. They will instantly feel your attention, presence, and they will experience the biggest jolt of love and happiness. Not to mention, this costs nothing and you will receive this back in the currency of happiness.

2. Show Up. Every time.

Make time for your friends, family, people that you care about. Yes, we are busy. Yes, we are tired. So what. Remember those 10 ways we could perish? Yeah and so, get to it.

Call them. Schedule time to see them. If it doesn’t work out, call them again until it happens. Call them on birthdays, anniversaries. Check on them if they are sick. Check on them for no reason. Practice your tenacity. Drive to their house. Celebrate with them. Cry with them. By creating this constant push of love heading towards them, this grows the bond between you both. More times than not, it also becomes reciprocated and expands your gratitude and aptitude for happiness.

3. Just Freaking Tell Them.

In a world full of texts, emails, Snap Chats and tweets, you still need to spell it out for people and tell them to their face and not their face time that they matter. Tell them that you love them. Tell them why they are special and there isn’t anyone else like them. And then tell them again and again.

Why?

Because they matter.

And they matter to you.

Be intentional with your mind today and align that heart into action for happiness. And when our time comes a very, very, very, long time from now, nothing will be left unsaid. Our lives mattered because our love mattered. And that love is pure immortality.

You matter to me.

I am grateful that you are alive today. And I love you. Really. Namaste.

Get ready to ride.

Are you a worrier?

I thought so. And I bet you’re really good at it.

ME TOO.

I can worry about anything. I am completely professional at this. I worry about not having enough gas in my car. I worry about one of my 3 dogs eating Scooby Doo Legos. I worry about running out of toilet paper when I tinkle or worse. I worry about people not seeing the signs they are given by the universe or by loved ones who have passed. I worry about people leaving kids in their car during summer. I worry about people walking around the grocery store with large firearms and packs of cinnamon buns because “they can”. I worry about spending enough time with my family and friends. I worry about being in my head too much when I’m with those family and friends. With a cart full at Target, I worry if I’ve forgotten something. I worry about how easily I can gain weight just by looking at people eating while driving by Sonic. Damn those tater tots with cheese.

Those spinning wheels of worry.

What do we gain from worrying other than driving ourselves completely insane?

One reason we worry is that we believe that if we do then maybe whatever we fear won’t happen. The bad news won’t come. The job won’t go away. The bills will magically get paid. The relationship will work out. The car won’t run out of gas. The boogey man won’t know our address.

Another possibility is that when we worry, we also think that we are “working on it” by worrying about it. It’s the autopilot of disaster mindset. When we worry all we do is spin our wheels and our story into a ditch of despair and create more fear. Who wants to ride in that all day and night?

So, how do we stop the worrying wheel of misfortune? Let’s test-drive a few options.

1. STEP ON YOUR BREAKS: DEFINE IT.

Define what you are worried about.

Many times we go through our day with a feeling of unease because we are unconscious of what is troubling us. All it takes is giving a few seconds to yourself to become mindful about what’s idling emotionally on the inside. Close your eyes (unless you are really driving, then wait until you are at a parking lot or by yourself). Take at least 3 deep breaths. The slower the better. Next, ask yourself, “What am I worrying about that’s taking over my happiness?” Be aware of the first thing that pops out because this is your primary source of worry and this is very, very important.

You may hear “I’m worried about…”

…money.

… my health

… my family

… if I should stay at this job

… my relationship

…never being happy

…paying the bills.

… being alone

…death

You may get more than one idea. Stay with the first one. And work on that one first. This is essential so that that you don’t go into overwhelm and create more worry.

2. STOP IDLING: KNOW YOUR PAYOFF

Once you know what is on your mind and creating stress in your life, become curious and ask yourself what if any benefits you have received from worry about this stressor.

If you can say truthfully, “nothing”, then go to step 3. If you realize that maybe you are getting a payoff by delaying taking action or it keeps you from worrying about other things. Acknowledge this. Don’t judge. Just realize that your brain is trying to protect you in that moment. But long term, there is a better option to drive off worry without it having lasting emotional and physical effects on your body and spirit.

3. FULL PEDAL TO THE METAL. REALIZE AND MATERIALIZE.

 The next step is to take action. But which one? Again ask yourself and trust that intuitive voice. What can one small action I can do to reduce or get rid of my worry that I can take right now?

Don’t worry if it’s the right step or not. All steps are movement to progress. This motion creates the emotion of satisfaction of moving forward. Progress creates happiness.

Action steps could include

-Walking a block

– Putting gas in the car before it goes to red

– Paying the bills

– Calling and scheduling an appointment

-Looking for leads or searching for a new job

– Sitting 5 mintues to calm your nerves

-Reaching out to a friend for company

– Start to Google the things you need for a will

After doing these 3 steps, keep doing them. Always. Anytime you feel that uncertainty rise in your day, continue making time for yourself and taking the steps to move in the direction of your desires, your ambitions, your love and your peace. You will have now entered the on ramp to the Freeway of Love. Namaste.

Hold on to Love.

Sunday, I woke up early and I saw a little banner flicker on my computer and it said something about 20 people dead. In my mind, I heard the words “terrorist attack, ISIS”. I didn’t click on the link because it was too much for me so early in the morning. Later, my husband told me a shooting took place at a club in Florida. I second guessed myself and told my husband what I heard in my mind and thought I was wrong.

I wasn’t. My intuition had kicked in before my first cup of coffee. My heart stopped.

Even though I limit my consumption of news, the information kept pouring in from all venues. The aftermath. The unbearable sadness. When I read about Mina Justice, the mother who was communicating with her son Eddie via text before he died, I felt the white-hot horror. Fifty mothers lost their children in one night. As a parent, our only quest is to make healthy happy loving human beings and to keep them safe for as long as we can. It doesn’t matter if you are 5 or 85, you will always be our kid.

Today I took my kids to their summer camp schools. When I picked them, a large storm had passed but the sky was still dark. When we got home it was even darker. The power was off and the lights were out.

My boys became scared as I lit candles. My youngest Atticus asked, “Are we going to be okay? Are we going to die?” I answered as truthfully as I could.

How do we hang on to hope and love in the face of horrific events that linger in the very fiber of our false security blankets? How to do we keep hoping, loving, and trying to live out our lives when both real and imagined fear appear and leave us feeling helpless without any power to keep going?

We can lean into these three things to help create awareness, process, and heal the stress that is created by our daily lives as well as the global events that impact us both directly and indirectly.

1. Be still and feel all the feelings.

Many times when things happen to us, we barely have a chance to process what we are feeling because we are inundated with so many events and distractions. Throughout the day, we feel a general unease about everything, never being able to pinpoint the uncomfortable sensations.

So wherever you are, stop for a moment. Take a breath and experience what you are feeling. Call it out if you need to.

After driving through the sheets of blinding rain to drive pick up my kids, I sat in the car waiting for the lighting and thunder to pass though. I labeled all my feelings out loud. No one could see me and I really didn’t care if they could. Thinking about the shootings in Orlando, I said, “This feeling is sadness. This feeling is devastation. This feeling is empathy for all the mamas. This feeling is anger. The rain pounded louder on my car. My thoughts raced to my kids inside their schools. “This feeling is worry. This feeling is impatience. This feeling is tiredness of all this damn rain”. While it didn’t change the events of Orlando or the storm, it did provide my brain peace by giving my feelings and sensations labels. And I was grateful.

2. Practice Extreme Self-Care.

What does Extreme Self-Care mean? It means taking care of ALL your needs. If you aren’t great about doing this on a daily basis, then you MUST do this even more during times of emotional upheaval. Extreme Self-Care is

Making sure you eat regularly

Working out

Connecting with those people that you love and care about

Connecting with your animals

Bathing, cleaning your house, washing your clothes,

Doing the things that bring you joy both big and small

Getting help from a family member, a friend, someone at your place of worship, or a counselor

Connecting with your higher Source. Whatever that is for you, spend time in prayer, mediation, gratitude, and love that you get another day to experience life.

Today my routine of extreme self care was working out, reading, spending time with my sick dog and my two healthy ones, getting my children earlier from summer camp, connecting with my sister, counseling clients and checking on my husband at work.

By creating these routines, you create a sense of hope and a sense of groundedness. These two sensations will help you on the next step.

3. Do Something Outside Yourself.

When you feel that sense of dread and darkness that feels unshakable, do something for someone else. It could be your own pet. Your family. A charity. By helping others, you step outside of your emotional state and begin to feel an expansiveness that you can provide help, hope or love for others. You become stronger than you think. You become love and courage in action.

As soon as I got home with my boys, I got into mama-mode. I gave our dogs treats so they would stop barking at the rain. I lit candles all over the house so we could see. And when my little one asked, “Are we going to be okay? Are we going to die?” I stepped outside all my own personal fears and worry and held on to hope and love and handed him a bowl of Cheetos and his worn stuffed puppy and said, “No, not today.” And just like that, the lights came back on.

Today, feel all the feelings knowing you are not alone. Take care of yourself a little more than usual. Reach out and feel the expansiveness of hope and love. You need it. I need. We all need it for love to win. Namaste.

Let’s T.A.C.O about life.

Are you a professional procrastinator?

I am.

The minute I don’t feel like doing something, I sweep. Today instead of reading each page of my will that I need to revise, I swept. I also procrastinated by looking at my 7-year old son’s journal of intricate drawings of pigs. I also searched for “taco toys” and “unicorn poop” on Etsy.

Many hours passed. And then even more

My sister even came over to procrastinate family style. Having combed through hours of educational data, my sister’s brain was fried. Instead of working on her presentation, she wanted to procrastinate with a serving of juicy gossip. I enjoyed three servings of it.

Even my 5 year old joined the procrastination game. He didn’t want to eat his vegetables and was dancing around the kitchen and “accidentally” dropping pieces of his food on the floor to waiting furry mouths and wagging tails.

My stomach tightened again as I looked my “Last Will and Testament” and wondered how much longer I could procrastinate. After witnessing the heir to my queendom stick a green bean in his nose, I knew neither of us didn’t have much time.

Many times we think that by putting things off that are important, we can use the burst of fear to light a fire under our butts. While it can lead to getting things done, it’s never our best work and studies show that this kind of stress weakens our immune system and wellbeing.

So how do we stop procrastinating instead of creating our lives?

It takes a TACO and 4 steps.

1. T =Try forgiveness.

Procrastination makes us feel terrible. We have nasty negative associations with it. We can’t just snap out of it all of the time. In studies, researcher and author Dr. Timothy A Pychyl revealed that one of the most effective way we can get though procrastination is through forgiveness of our selves for our procrastination.

In his study, students who had forgiven themselves for procrastinating on studying for their first exam were able to study easier without the procrastination on the second exam.

My intuition agreed with forgiveness. The moment I forgave myself for dragging my feet for reading and creating notes for my new will, I felt lighter. It didn’t seem like that big of a task. It was simply taking revision notes of a document that was already created. Creating forgiveness helped pave the way for the 2^nd step.

2. A=Always take a step, don’t wait for the feeling

Pychyl suggests that we don’t have to feel a certain way in order to get something done, just do the smallest task in that direction and that gets the wheels moving.

For me, it was to only read one page of my will a day. That was doable to get through all the legal jargon. For my sister, she told herself she’d need to be done at certain time with her presentation so that she could be home at a certain time. She created the step of creating a time deadline and she made her presentation happen before the clock ran out. For my son, he took the green bean out of his nose. It left us both at ease.

3. C=Create a moment of awareness, contemplate and give yourself immediate feedback.

After you take a step. Take a moment or a deep breath and see if that moved you closer to your outcome? If yes, ask yourself what you could do to get even closer. If something isn’t working , try to pinpoint what happened or if you just need to try again during another time or circumstance. And then take another step.

4. O= Others: Do it for others you love.

In life, it’s no secret that we do more for others than we do ourselves. So let’s take what we naturally do and make it work for us.

For me, if I don’t procrastinate, I will get the revision notes done for my will, and I will be able to take care of my loved ones. My sister will get my broom. My son will get a pig in the shape of a taco and my youngest will get unicorn poop. And anything left goes to my dear husband.

If she doesn’t procrastinate, then my sister will create a beautiful and intentional presentation to help inspire educators to create strong schools for the children who need it most.

And even my son stopped procrastinating and created meaning out of his beans. He would only eat his mixed vegetables if we dedicated each bite to a friend, or our dogs, or a stuffed animal.

Right now, in this very moment, your crazy beautiful life is waiting for you. Don’t procrastinate any longer. Forgive yourself quickly. Take a step in the direction that will help you. Check it out and see if it’s working. And finally if you can’t do it for yourself, then do it for those you love. I’m going to stop procrastinating and be thankful that I don’t have to use my will in this moment as I sweep up green beans from the floor. I’m glad we’ve had this time to T.A.C.O. about it. Now, get back to your amazing life. Namaste.

Release your monkey.

In the good ole bad days it was so easy to be jealous.

In junior high, I could always focus my attention just on that one popular girl whose Gloria Vanderbilts and Polo shirts were always perfect. I could grimace about how unfair it was that she had a Gucci purse at age 13 and how she had real topsiders as she pranced down the band hall. She wasn’t me. I had “flopsiders” from Kmart and my “polo” had a dragon because it was from Sears. I should have been grateful to have clothes, but as a young teen, it simply sucked.

As I clopped down the hall in my faux clothes, I used to wonder, “How did she get so perfect?” She was tall, blonde, with locks of hot roller waves. Batting those baby blue eyes and braces would cause a stir in everyone. Everyone. It was spellbinding and sickening at the same time. It was ridiculous how her Jordache jeans and giggles could stop people in the middle of their hallway gossip or Rubrik’s cube.

Back then, my comparison marathon would normally end around 2:55 when I’d eat the rest of my bologna sandwich and Cheetos and wait for Mom’s rust colored station wagon to carry me back to my crappy reality of homework and sitcom reruns.

Then decades passed. And I carried my comparison monkey with me for a while until social media hit. With social media, I couldn’t EVEN compare myself with others because I couldn’t keep up with the volume. The perfect house. The super cute baby or cat or dog. Or vacation house in Aspen. So I gave up comparing myself with everyone and everything.

It’s insane to compare yourself to anyone at anytime. For starters, we all know that comparing yourself to others is a game no one can win. It wastes time and leaves us feeling depressed and depleted because we compare things like money, look, homes, vacations, or how many “likes” we get. And this also goes when we are at work or play and not just when we are online.

When we compare, we get lost in the momentum of other people’s lives instead of our own. We create judgment and assumptions on someone else’s life based on how well they art direct and shoot their lives on their Iphone 6 plus.

So how to do we stop the monkey madness of comparing when we get dumped on with reasons to all day long?

We can do this.

1. Be the Bigger You

Take a moment to be with yourself, unplugged. Sit with yourself for a few moments. Take a few breaths. Think about how far you have come in your life and what it took to get there. Think about with the time you have left in your life, how do you want to be? What do you want to do? And how do you want to feel?

By creating awareness of where you are now, you can start to visualize what your future could look like. This empowers you and your subconscious mind to find pathways to your future now.

2. Be Inspired but Dare Not to Compare

As you come into contact with others in real life and social media, it’s natural to look at them and make judgments of what they have and what they are doing as it relates to you. This is what makes us human. It’s okay to be inspired by others as long was we don’t feel inferior. When you see something you admire, tell them. It creates the shift from comparison to appreciation. If there is something that they have or have created, ask them how they got there. This empowers a belief in yourself that there is more than enough to go around and that you can do it or have it too.

3. Understand Your Gifts are To Help Others.

When you take your focus off of other’s lives, then you can start to realize what your gifts are and how you can use them. WE ALL HAVE GIFTS. Yours may be cooking, designing, dancing, communicating, writing, working with children, working with animals, working with the land. Whatever it is for you, use it for your highest good.

By letting go of the comparisons, you allow yourself to focus on the things that matter most in your life: discovering your gifts and helping others with theirs. You go from comparing to sharing. Emerson said it best, “What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.” And in a heartbeat, you release your little cheeky monkey. Namaste.

Did you buy a ticket?

Woo-Woo

It was morning and I didn’t hear the whistle blowing. I didn’t get a good night sleep and the next day not even a sauna-sized Starbucks Caramel Macchiato could wake me up.

But some dirty nasty drama could.

On my way to the copier, my work friend began by saying “he cheated on me again.” I nodded and she took this as an invitation to fill me in on more lurid details. She claimed she wasn’t going to take it anymore but wanted to hang out with him to make him suffer. And then she bit her hangnail on her pinkie and made it bleed. On the copy paper. Woo Woo.

Again, I ignored the train in the distance because I was curious as to how this work acquaintance was “gonna make him suffer.” Another gal overheard the conversation and jumped on board about how she made her boss suffer by erasing his computer files because she suffers daily, being overworked and not seeing her family.

The hangnail friend would not be one-upped and upgraded to first class. We all know that person. That coworker. That family member. That friend… Woo Woo.

Out of politeness, I ignored the roaring of the train. The work friend continued on by how she was going to fake a pregnancy to scare her husband…

Now, it was too late. I missed my stop. Here’s the real kicker. I don’t hang out with these folks. They didn’t come to get counseling. They were just in my workspace and they came looking for a travel buddy on the drama train.

With one moment of clarity, I did what any sane person would do. I went to the bathroom. I didn’t have to go. But sitting in an empty, quiet stall, I found a moment of peace and wondered. What just happened?

Then it hit me. I had just bought a one-way ticket on the Drama Train. It stunk more than the ladies room.

Have you ever taken a ride? Willingly? Unwillingly? But more importantly, do you know how to jump off the Drama Train?

We all want to change the way we feel. We all want to be happy, but drama is a pattern. And it’s sensational and exciting. You can bond with others. With drama you can relive the painful past, piss on the present and freak out in the future.

And it might be awful but it’s never boring. It makes us feel significant because something unjust in our world happened to us.

And while it makes us feel special, we don’t realize that our drama stinks up and down the tracks of other’s lives and daily experiences. And long term, it causes derailment in all areas of your life.

So, what to do?

GET OFF THE DRAMA TRAIN. NOW.

In the fast pace of life, we don’t realize that our environment can control us if we don’t control it. This environment could be your home, work or even life.

Here are the 4 ways to Get off The Drama Train

1. Mindfulness

Mindfulness is simply awareness of where you are in this moment. Before you start your day, start warming your own engines. Set aside five minutes. You can do this. Take a few deep breaths.

2. Breathe in Gratitude. Think about the IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE. Imagine if they weren’t. Feel the contrast. Know that they are here in this moment and really feel grateful that they love you. When you are in gratitude, you can’t be angry or worried. By shifting to gratitude, you are also shifting your habits.

3. Think of one thing you want to do for yourself. It could be getting that cup of coffee. It could be playing a round of Candy Crush or Candy Crush Soda. Whatever it is. Practice that intentional kindness to you.

4. Do one kind thing for someone else during your day. If you don’t want to engage with people, there are a lot animals and causes out there that could use your help. DO IT DAILY.

Why?

When you start to rev your own engines of creating that environment of gratitude for others and yourself. You start to exist in a happier state. And you start to create the habit of happiness on moment to moment basis… and all those moments make up your life.

But what happens when you derail and end up on someone else’s tracks. And this person or even a group of friends or family want you to board their Drama Train?

You say no thank you either in your words or actions. You can change the subject and if they don’t want to then walk away. In some case, you may lose travel buddies because they were used to you when you put up with the drama, and when you added to it.

Life is about change and constant growth. So, it they get mad that you won’t ride along, let it go. And if it ever gets too much, then let them go in love. As Joseph Campbell said, “If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on the kind of track, which has been there all the while waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living.” Your potential is waiting. Woo-Woo. Namaste.

Raise up love.

Before. I loved him even when he was drunk and drove us off the road.

Before. I loved him when he pointed a gun to my head

Before. I loved him because he loved me. And who else would love me at 19?

Before. Those were my standards for love.

One night, in a drunken rage, my boyfriend came after me in his apartment kitchen. I pulled out a knife and told him that if he came any closer that I’d cut myself. He did. Then I did. We both started staring at the red puddle forming on the floor.

The police and ambulance came. My boyfriend told the police I was mental. The police said I needed to get in the ambulance to go to the hospital or they’d arrest me for attempted suicide. It was a very quick ride to the hospital. ER sewed up my arm. At 4:00 o’clock in the morning, I waited for my boyfriend who said he wanted to marry me to show up. He didn’t.

I convinced the hospital I wasn’t suicidal and they released me. A friend picked me up. I didn’t sleep because I worried about the end of my relationship. I waited to see if he’d call. He didn’t.

My mother did. Apparently, the hospital called my parents to file the insurance claim.

Back at my parent’s house, I was numb. My mom wailed and reminded me how she risked her life to have me. My mom cried that I was named after the Kimberly diamond mine, the largest diamond mine on Earth. She also named me “Kimberly” because it also meant leader because she knew I was capable of great things.

She risked her life for me. She valued me. She believed I would help the people. And she would do anything for me because…

Those were her standards for love.

She reminded me that finding love could be a challenge, but if I could find someone who could love me like she did, then my love life would be easier. But first, I had to say no to what was not love and raise my standards of my worth. I was scared at first. Over time, I got used to the higher standards. I got used to The More.

Not too long after being The More, I found that man. He’s not perfect and neither am I. We’ve been together for 25 years. He is compassionate. He is loving. He is kind. He is patient. And he’s the father of my two boys.

When I raised my standards in this area, I started doing it in other areas of my life. And miraculously things started happening for me.

And it can happen for you.

When it comes to raising your standards, two things need to happen. First, you need create awareness and identify “who do you think you are” in this moment and what is your standard that isn’t serving you.

Decades ago, I thought I was unlovable and this was the best I could get. I was worried about being a failure in love. Again. This was my Before.

The second step to raising my standards was to change to an empowering believe in my new moment, I believed I had value. I had something to contribute. I deserved love from myself. And then love from others. This was The More Than Before.

Now, when I hit bumps on the road of life, I always check in to see where I can raise my standards and identity of who I am in that moment. It helps to refocus my energies to serve my life instead of reliving the pain. I simply look for The More.

So, as you go about your day, consider where you could raise your standards to take care of yourself and those that your love.

If you think, “I’m terrible with money” Raise your standards and identity. Be More. Remind yourself of a time where you found the money you needed in an emergency. And remind yourself, if you did it that time, then you can learn how to do it again.

If you think, “I’m going to be single for the rest of my life because that’s the way I am”. Raise your standards and identity. Be More and remind yourself of the last time when you reached out to a new friend or coworker. Remind yourself of how you are still friends today. And if you can maintain a friendship or a co-worker relationship, then you can do it in a personal relationship.

If you think, “I always make terrible decisions.” Raise your standards and identity. Be More. Remember a time that you made the most important decision of your life and it was the best one. If you don’t think you’ve made any great decision, then do it now and value yourself, your judgment and your ability to learn from your trial and error approach to life.

When you raise your standards, you create a totally new being. Your actions, words and beliefs begin to follow through and align to this higher sense of self.

Don’t let life put a gun to your head or anyone else for that matter. Raise your standards for the amazing human you were designed to be. Quickly, you’ll become accustomed to and fall in love with the More than Before. Namaste.

Doubt is not your friend.

Do you do this?

I go through a million thoughts a day. Okay, maybe not a million. Several thousand. For the most part, I try to keep tabs when my brain is running on automatic pilot, but sometimes my brain goes by default to doubt.

My doubt can manifest such thought as…

I don’t know if this dress is going to be flattering.

Is this a good time to text this person about a message I just received from their loved one who’s passed?

Are my kids getting enough one-on-one time?

Are my dogs getting enough time?

Does my rug stink or is it my dogs?

Is this pain a small one or a life threatening illness?

If the guage is on “red”, do I really have enough gas?

Doubt.

It’s annoying but somehow we still think it’s our friend.

In reality, it really just provides delayed fear. Doubt is a con artist, it makes us think it’s doing us a favor. But it’s not. It keeps us from fully living and moving forward toward the dreams and experiences we want in this lifetime. So, how do we deal with this damning doubt? Let’s try out these 3 steps.

Call Out the Doubt

The first step is to know when you it’s there. I’ve been around the block a time or two and I have created enough awareness to know when I’m worried or doubtful and I’m putting blocks in my way.

I used to be afraid to tell people the things I know because they would think I was a weirdo. I used to use words to dance around the issue. For example, if I had a dream and I saw that someone was making a giant move across country, I used to say something like “Oh, do you plan on staying around here?” Now, I just say, I see that your moving and I’m excited that you are going to North Carolina.” If they ask me how I know that I just tell them, “I have strong intuition and I saw it in a dream.” Sometimes I get funny looks, but then we get down to the business of discussing why this move is important to their life’s growth.

During holidays, my doubt can really fester. I lost my mother 12 years ago, on May 15^th. My mom was a mother of six, PTA President, Peacemaker, Teacher, and was very connected to spirit.

This Mother’s Day, I felt many mothers of friends and coworkers who had passed. I needed to simply relay the messages that their mothers were with them and share the way their moms presented themselves to me. Twenty years ago, the old me would have doubted if I should tell them and if so, how. I worried that my message would make them feel worse because their moms had crossed.

Now, I just say, “I have a message for you. Are you open and want to hear it?”

That’s it. I’m simply the messenger. I don’t doubt it. I just do the work.

You too, know yourself well. When you hear those nagging thoughts of doubt, catch yourself and recognize that it’s only a thought. A figment of your imagination. You can empower that thought or you can get rid of it. If you want to get rid of it, then…

Check Out and Define the Doubt

Step in with the doubt and find out why are you creating it in the first place. Is it to feel safe, to be certain? Are you afraid you might fail? Again? Ask yourself and get down to your personal truth. BE FREAKING HONEST. “I’m doing this because it feels like temporary fake safeness. Or I’m too scared to try something anything new. But by bringing the truth to what you are doing and why you are doing it, you take away the teeth of doubt. Doubt shows up as a shadow. And once we shine some light on it, it disappears.

Clear Out the Doubt and Make Room for Bravery and Action.

If you create awareness when doubt appears, you can analyze why it’s there and begin to clear it out. But to truly clear out doubt you need to be brave and take action. If you want a new job that’s engaging to you then you must clear out the doubt that you are not talented, define the job you feel you want, and take one step to get closer to it. Research the job, update your resume, check who you know in your social circles.

If you want a relationship, you must clear out the doubt that you are unlovable and start taking steps of recognizing what you enjoy doing and create time for it so that you get out in the world and engage.

If you want financial security, you must clear the doubt that “you’re no good with money” and take action to create a savings account or research and create your own portfolio. Or track your spending.

Anything is possible when you get rid of doubt. So today of all days, create mindfulness and notice when and where you are casting doubt. Ask yourself why you are doing it and what you are gaining from doubting. Ask yourself if this doubt is helping or hurting your happiness.

Then start to take steps toward bravery and toward happiness and your best you in this present moment. This is your life now. It’s worth it. No doubt. Namaste.

Who are you going to call?

When we were younger, life seemed so easy. If you felt mad, sad, or glad, you could just pass a note with a “pull here” tab. You could whisper on the playground. Yell in the backyard. You could talk all night at a slumber party or at the mall while getting your ears pierced. When you got older, it was parties, dorm rooms, friends basements, after parties and concerts. It was easy to connect, to vent, to cry and to laugh.

Then life happened. It got stressful. We got busier. We moved away. They moved away. Calls were reduced, writing letters was archaic and email was the new best thing. Social media emerged. Now, we have 1,000 friends all over the world. And still feel alone. Stressed and alone.

How did this happen? Who can we call when…

We are sick?

Our children are sick?

Our parents are dying?

Or pets go missing?

When we hate our jobs?

When we lose our jobs?

When divorce happens?

When we lose our way?

When the habit becomes an addiction?

When we are simply lonely?

When we hate life?

When we are running out of hope?

Life can be difficult and messy. Stress is a part of that challenge. With a good support system, not only can you navigate through these road bumps of life, but help improve problems on your own. And by dealing with problems overtime, you build emotional resilience not just for you, but to also help others. So how do you do it? You can lean into this:

Four Ways to Strengthen Your Social Support

Create Variety

Just like one size doesn’t fit all, the same goes for emotional support. You may have family members you talk with to deal with family issues. You may have a coworker you can confide in at work. You may have friend with whom you can discuss other issues such as relationships, raising kids or more. You may have the good fortune that someone can cover more than one need in your life. Just make sure that the people you confide in for emotional support are trustworthy and support you. Also, don’t have only one friend to be your emotional dumping ground. And speaking of dumping, anyone who is negative and consistently brings you down, release them. But what if you don’t have a lot of people in your life? Never fear. When it comes to emotional social support, it’s always quality over quantity.

Make the Time

When it comes to having a variety of people to support you, it’s vital that you create those relationships in advance. This means spending quality time with these people. Yes, you can use technology, but nothing beats face-to-face time. Making time means reaching out just to connect and not because you need something. In addition, be there for them in their time of need just as you would want them to be there for you.

Do You

By doing things that bring you joy in life, you can meet others who have your same interests. This is a good way to start introducing new people into your life. It will take time to create the friendship, but in the meantime, you can enjoy what you love while cultivating new relationships.

Ask. Ask. And Ask.

If you are looking for a specific support, you may not find it in your close circle. You may have to reach out to a group that can support you. If you have trouble socializing in general, have anxieties or bigger issues, ask for help with a therapist or a counselor. The more you ask, the more resources you will have not only to help yourself, but for others.

We are all here for a reason and that’s to help take care of each other. So do the work. It’s worth it. Find people you like and can trust and you would be there for them too. Cultivate all types of people. Make time to be patient and grow the relationship. When in doubt, ask them for help. And when you need them, they will be there for you to support and love you.

As, Shakespeare said, “Be to yourself as you would your friend.” I hope I’ve supported you today dear friend. Peace.

Do it for you. Do it for love.

Prince.

Not the King of Rock and Roll. Not the King of Pop.

Just Prince.

The “I would die for you” Prince.

The “Dig if you will the picture of you and I engaged in a kiss” Prince.

He was brilliant, passionate, loving, and simply royal.

Now think of yourself. Do any of these attributes feel like you?

For most people they may get a little crazy and say “passionate and loving”. But they’d stop there. If you probed further, they would say they are passionate and loving about their families, their pets, and maybe even their causes or career.

But do you love yourself? I mean really love yourself?

You may answer, “yeah, I love myself… but”

The proverbial “but” may come out and a list of inadequacies would fly out like doves in a Prince music video. But the real question is do you really know how to love yourself? No one teaches this. We have learned from our various life experiences that too much love creates narcissism and ‘those people.” We hate those people, much less want to be those people. Judgment appears and separates us from loving others and ourselves.

So how do we love our selves without feeling gross and uncomfortable about it? Try this.

3 things to help you Go Crazy and Love Yourself Once and For All.

1. APPRECIATE YOURSELF

The first step is to appreciate yourself, period. The definition of appreciate is “to recognize your full worth. It is also to be grateful for something”. If you can’t find something or anything to appreciate, start with the fact that you’re alive. Start with the fact that you have a heart and a consciousness to recognize suffering in yourself and others and you give a damn. Starts with the fact you are an able body person that can do something to eliminate suffering in your life and in others. You are here for a purpose. And that is to love. Love yourself and then others. That’s it.

2. VALIDATE YOURSELF

The second step is to validate yourself. This simply means “to demonstrate or support the truth” in yourself. There are a several ways to do this. Here is one way to start.

Validate yourself with better inner dialogue. If you notice you habitually say negative things to yourself, reframe it. For example, if you always say, “I’m fat and I will never lose this weight”, validate yourself with statements such as “Today I can take steps toward creating my health by drinking more water.” “Or today, I will move to help my body.”

If you think you will never get a relationship, validate yourself with, “Today I will smile to at least 3 people today” or “I will reach out to someone out of kindness”.

3. DOMINATE YOURSELF

To dominate in its original form means “to have a commanding influence on or exercise control over”. When it comes to dominating yourself do it in the name of love.

For starters, forgive yourself of the mistakes you have made and will make in life. Mistakes are part of the struggle. There is always struggle in life and this creates meaning. You don’t want a problem free life – you want one what has meaning. Meaning=happiness.

Next, let people in. Include people in your life who make you laugh, that you want to spend your life with. Let people love you. And love them back daily.

Lastly, do the things you love both big and small. If playing Candy Crush brings you happiness, do it. It you want to scale that mountain, go for it. If you want to save every animal on the planet, run to your passion and your purpose and your love.

As we see everyday on the news and social media, we are only here for a temporary amount of time. Don’t waste it. In Prince’s words, “Dearly Beloved, we are gathered her today to get through this thing called life”. So, in this life, let’s go crazy. Let’s learn how to love ourselves first and then spread it to the rest of the world. The world needs your loving self. Namaste.

Life doesn’t have to sting.

He didn’t mind the change of helping his elderly father until he found out it was dementia.

She didn’t mind the new changes in her husband until she found out he was having an affair.

He didn’t mind changing his duties at work until realized he was being let go.

She didn’t mind trying to do it all by being the fantastic wife, mother, and employee, until it took a toll on her health.

She didn’t mind trying to take care of things financially until she saw her bank account and her credit cards.

Change.

Most of us aren’t thrilled about it. Many of us fear it. And even if it’s a good thing, down the road, we still don’t want to deal with it. It’s too much energy. And most of that energy comes from dread and fear of the unknown.

In life we can handle the little changes. We can handle if someone forgets to put our fries in the bag. We can handle if it starts to rain outside. We can handle it if we need to reschedule a drink with friends.

It’s the big things that shake us. It’s the big changes that come to us as a giant bee swarm of change with hundreds of little changes buzzing with a fierceness that leaves us numb and paralyzed in our fear. We wait for the stinging to occur. We don’t know how long the stinging will last or how much it will hurt. In a word, it sucks. The fear of the change sucks away our sense of security, our emotional wellbeing and our power to act on our behalf.

But we aren’t powerless. We can do something different. We can lean in another direction and start to forge a new path.

Here are the Four Ways to Take the Sting Out of Change

1. Acknowledge Where You Are in THIS MOMENT.

When a major life change comes to you, it doesn’t matter if it was expected or not, it’s still a blow. Before you try to run away from it or run into the situation with random solutions, it’s vital to your sense of being to understand how you are reacting or responding. By labeling your sensations or feelings, you become more than the emotion. You have a bigger picture of where your emotional state is. This gives your intuition the information it needs to respond effectively in your moment of change. This also lets you differentiate what you can change and what is not in your control.

2. Create Routines or Rituals

When you are faced with a major change, the initial shock is the biggest sting. To gain a sense of footing, do something that will bring you some groundedness. For some people, it’s going for a run or walking the dog. For others, it’s cleaning their house or going to pray or mediate. And yes, some people eat, drink or shop their feelings. And while there is a momentary payoff, it’s not sustainable long term for your peace of mind. Find the thing that helps you in your daily life that you can also use when the big changes come your way.

3. Connect with Others

When major life events happen like loss of loved one, loss of a job, loss of a relationship or an illness, surround yourself with others who support you. In the good times of life, make it a habit to nurture friendships and family. It takes time and energy but these are the people you need in your time of crisis. This is also the time to be prudent with people you bring in your inner circle because at your most vunerable, you don’t want to engage with toxic folks who could leave you feeling even worse.

4. Take Care of Your Needs

Taking care of your needs before a major change happens will greatly benefit you down the road. Change is inevitable. Learn to anticipate it. You can either react or respond to it. Make some time to think about how would you respond if…

A loved one became sick?

If you became sick?

If you lost your job?

If the relationship didn’t work out?

If you had to move?

If you needed more money?

By contemplating these scenarios, you aren’t attracting these events, but how you could respond to them and who could support you emotionally. If you have no idea how you would respond to these events or don’t have people to support you, then think of this as a time to cultivate those relationships and knowledge you may need to promote that wellbeing and peace of mind.

Use all these ways on a daily basis not just when a big life change comes your way. Soon you will create awareness to not fear change but to respond as it buzzes around you. And if you do encounter big life changes, you will be able to experience less of the sting and more of the honey that comes with life’s biggest changes. Namaste.

Do you know when to go?

 Do you know when to let go?

In life, we all come to a crossroad in a friendship, a relationship, or job, and agonize, “Do I stay or do I go?” Whatever the dilemma, it can be downright paralyzing against moving in any direction because the fear and uncertainty seems to roar in our faces and from every direction.

Wouldn’t it be great to know EXACTLY when to leave these situations?

Well, you can. In each case, there are three big exit signs to direct consciousness to make sure you are making the very best choice in that moment.

EXIT SIGN #1: SITUATION DEPENENDENT

If you find yourself lost in someone else’s movie, drama, or enterprise and it stagnates your own growth, this may be one of the first indicators you need to move on. Immediately. For instance, in friendship, if you notice yourself doing everything with a friend whether you want to or not, you may want to ask for more space. If there is conflict when you share your request, or if your friend can’t respect your feelings or boundaries, then this could be your sign to exit for new friendships. You can always appreciate the person and the times you had together and still have the integrity to move one. It may feel scary or even sad at the start, but once you have moved on and you feel relief, this is how you know you made the best decision in that moment.

In an intimate relationship, while it’s important to become a unit, it is just as vital to keep your individuality and creativity alive. If you can’t make a move without your partner getting upset or causing a fight, then consider how long can you endure this type of situation. Give yourself the boundaries of a timeline. Can you continue to stay with this relationship in this state, a day, a week, three months or a year even if it won’t change?

Only you know your limits. But first you must create them and then honor them. If you can’t honor your needs and yourself, and you don’t see the situation improve, recognize this exit sign.

In a job environment, you may feel like you can’t go if you don’t have another job lined up. You may have conflicting feelings of loyalty and fear. You may even buy into the idea that it’s better to work with the “devil you do know than the one you don’t”. While this may bring some peace of mind in the short term, it doesn’t last for long and this is another exit sign to start moving on.

EXIT SIGN# 2: NO SUPPORT or ABUSE

In all situations of friendship, intimate relationships and job relationships, if you are not receiving the support you deserve, this is a HUGE red flag and exit sign. In the beginning of most relationships most people put on their best faces and efforts to keep a relationship growing. If they don’t, head for the hills. If you notice a drastic changes in their behavior that becomes strained, keep moving. If you notice a steady decline in support, create the awareness to see how you contributed to this decline and if the relationship could and should be salvaged. Only you know what your part is in that relationship and if you are willing to coast and settle or if you’re ready to do or move on to something different. Awareness of this is extremely important because if you don’t understand the dynamics of what occurred, you will rerun the same episode in your life down the road.

When it comes to abuse in any form in any relationship. DO. NOT. TOLERATE. IT. Don’t take abuse in friendships, in relationships or in jobs. By doing so, you are defining how the world can use and abuse you. This does not promote growth. And remember in every second you are either growing or dying…

EXIT SIGN #3: YOU DESIRE A DIFFERENT OUTCOME

In all of the 3 said situations, the last sign to pop up when it’s time to move on is when you have a different desired outcome than the relationships you are in. If you are in a one sided friendship, and you are doing the heavy lifting in the relationship, you begin to feel the unbalance of relationship. You may voice your concerns and if they go unheard, then that’s when you want a different outcome and it’s time to move on.

The same applies in an intimate relationship. You may require more intimacy or communications and it may not surface. You may be in a relationship where your committed partner steps outside the relationship. If they don’t want to work on the relationship, then move on because they are being truthful in their actions in that moment.

In a job, you may want more money, more responsibilities, more help, more time off, or even more training. If you employer can’t or won’t help you now, then ask if they can give you a timeline as to when your needs can be met or how can they be met down the road. If you boss or advisor still can’t help you, then this is your last big clue to keep an eye out for the exit sign to keep moving.

It isn’t always easy to move on. But by becoming aware of all the road signs in your relationships, you will be able to know when you should walk and when you should run into the supported, loving, creative and brave journey called your life. Now, ease on down the road. Namaste.

Do You Feel Lucky?

Are you lucky? Do you feel lucky?

If your not sure, then do a quick luck life scan?

Do you feel lucky with your family?

Do you feel lucky with your health?

Do you feel lucky in your job?

Do you feel lucky in love?

Do you feel lucky when it comes to money?

Do you feel lucky when it comes to looks?

Do you feel lucky when it comes to opportunities?

Chances are that there are some places where you feel lucky and others that you don’t. We all have a tendency to entertain those unlucky thoughts. Many of my clients feel lucky with their jobs, their families, and their friends. But when it comes to making more money, finding a new relationship or losing weight they feel downright unlucky.

Why is this?

Let’s breakdown the anatomy of luck. Luck is merely a thought we experience and create meaning behind. That’s it. Luck is a thought that promotes either the emotional state of happiness or sometimes relief in your body. If you find a twenty-dollar bill, you might feel lucky. While driving if you slam on the breaks and miss hitting a dog or a person, you might feel lucky in the sense that it provides relief.

So why do we feel lucky in some cases and not others? It’s patterns. We simply relive patterns, behaviors and thoughts every single day without fail. And they are so ingrained in our brains, beings and soul that we are certain that this is the only outcome we will ever get.

So how do we change this? We make itty bitty shifts in our thinking.

Luck: An Attitude of Gratitude Shift

If we can change the wording from luck to gratitude, it’s an easier shift. For example, if you are looking for a new job and the perfect one comes you way, you may think you are lucky. Shift the luck to gratitude. Tell yourself, “I’m so grateful that the perfect job came at the right time and I’m ready to take it.” By creating this shift, you are telling your subconscious mind that the timing of this present moment was appreciated AND you were prepared to take action. This opens you up for more things to come your way and you will be prepared as opposed to relying on a stroke of luck. Gratitude will always put you in a lighter and higher state. People will be attracted to this energy as well as potential opportunities.

Luck: The Preparation Workstation Shift

Thomas Jefferson is quoted as saying, “I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.” Jefferson knew that in order to believe or create more luck, you’ve got to work it.

If you want the relationship of a lifetime, you need to work it. This means to spend some time knowing what kind of partner you want and consider where would they hang out. Where could you find them? Do you have friends or family that can help you out? Would you be willing to ask? What feels congruent or right for you? All these help strengthen your intuition, focus and direction to increase your luck in this present moment.

If you want more money or a fulfilling job, what does that look like? What does it pay? Who could give you the opportunity? How do you need to prepare for it so when the right moment (luck) appears, you are ready to take action. By shifting the idea that working towards your desires can get you closer to them, you begin to manifest your own beautiful state of luck.

Luck: The Ocean of Emotion

Luck is a thought that creates an emotion within you. You react or respond to this emotion and either repel or attract more “good luck” or “bad luck”.

I have the great blessing of working with people to help them get clarity for their goals. I work with people whose goals range from everything from writing a book, to creating a business, to finding a partner, to getting married, to having a baby, to making sure they are on their right path. The interesting thing is that as we work together to get closer to their goals, first they get excited because they believe it’s luck when they start seeing the progress. After that, they panic. Fear and self-sabotage set in because they believe the luck won’t last.

This happens because many times, our emotional thermostat is set low. We don’t want to get too excited because we might get hurt, feel embarrassed, or feel a sense of loss. When we get something we didn’t think was possible, we think we had a small stroke of luck. Then we sabotage our efforts because we want certainty and we know what unlucky feels like. We know what disappointment or sadness feels like. In fact, we are pros at creating these thoughts, feelings and outcomes. This is sucky luck.

If we want to create more “luck” or opportunities for ourselves, we must stay conscious to how we are feeling in our moment to moment state. If we are working hard at something we desire such as creating a business, we must recognize that in the beginning, it will feel exciting. As reality sets in as to the amount of effort needed, we may become tired and want to resist the process of making our dreams come true. No worries. Just recognize that this is a normal tendency. It’s not bad luck and the Universe hates your guts and your dreams. In order to stay aware, mindfulness is a great way to stay focused on where you are. For example, I just finished writing a book. In the middle of it, I felt conflicted that I wasn’t spending enough time with my sons and maybe I should just put off writing the book until later. I took a couple breaths and checked in. I asked myself a few questions.

Was the writing of the book intended to help people? Yes.

Could this help my son’s in life? Yes.

Was I tired? Yes.

Did I feel uncomfortable about exactly what I was going to do once the book was done? Yes.

Did I feel grateful to have the time and space in which to write this book? Yes.

Did I want to write this book? Yes.

Did I feel lucky? YES.

I felt gratitude for doing something that intuitively felt right for me. I also knew that when I’m tired, that things appear less clear and difficult. This brought me peace of mind and to me that is very lucky.

If you are down on your luck, have bad luck, or no luck at all, just remember these things. To increase the concept of luck, be crazy grateful of where you are in this moment. Get clear about the things or goals you want in life and know how you want to feel when you get it. Think of all the ways you can take action towards the goals you want everyday. And finally, check on your emotional thermostat. Are you in a fearful or fierce state? If you are in a negative or low state, think about people or things you are grateful for. Stay there for a moment, and when you are ready continue to go for the things that are aligned to your heart and soul for you to experience. And then thank your lucky stars. Peace.

Rule it Out.

 I don’t know

I’m not sure.

I don’t think I can pull this off.

Maybe not now.

I can’t ….

Doubt.

Just saying the word sounds and feels awful.

Most of the time we can endure the little doubtful thoughts that bubble up.

Will I have enough gas?

Will I get to work on time?

Is this still good to eat?

Can I hold it or do I need to go bathroom now.

Should I call them back?

Should I have said that?

Even if we are not sure of the outcome, we are able to manage fairly well with minimal damage to our self-esteem. A little doubt is good even necessary to help keep us sharp.

But then there is that self-doubt that’s dark, deep, and wide. This type of self-doubt lingers for days, weeks or longer. We feel its presence breathing behind the rest of our daily thoughts and activities. And when we are quiet or resting, this is when it seems to take on a life of it’s own.

How to do we slay this dragon of self doubt?

We conquer it in these steps.

CLARIFY YOUR DOUBT

First we honor ourselves by being truthful. Many times we can feel uneasy with so many life events that can create doubt. So when first noticing doubt, try to clearly define what are you being doubtful about.

It’s one thing to be doubtful that you don’t know if you can do your job. This is a big and ambivalent concept. A more precise idea is you are doubtful that you can work with your new boss’s personality. Or you are doubtful that what you are being paid for the work you are doing is fair. By pinpointing exactly what you are doubtful about, this provides you with clarity in how to respond confidently to the issue at hand.

DARE NOT TO COMPARE

Second, when you are in the state of doubt, don’t compare how somebody else is doing it better or worse than you are. Sure it’s tempting, but don’t do it. It doesn’t provide you with any useful information and wastes time. Additionally, it should be a given, but remember no one is looking at you. Everybody is trying to deal with their own lives, dramas, and doubts. So stay focused on you and what you need to be successful in this moment.

SMALL IS ALL

When it comes to self-doubt, small is the way to go. Test the waters. Take small steps. Set goals. If you goal is to lose weight and you don’t think you can do it, start small and just walk 10 more steps thoughout the day. You can’t fail this. If you didn’t manage to do this one day, then do it the next.

Once you have set a small goal and accomplished it, just the concept that you set a goal and did it will feel amazing. No doubt, you will want to do it again. So, do it again. Or raise the stakes a little. And keep going. This builds momentum and confidence to give yourself the royal treatment you deserve.

A client of mine wanted to start dating after a long divorce. Since it had been over a decade since she went on her last date, she started online. Just as she started to sign up for a service, she doubted herself. She said she wanted to lose weight before she started posting pictures. I suggested that she just take a picture of how she looked right now. To boost her confidence, she bought a new dress and went to the mall to get a few tips on how to apply her makeup. Later that same day, she took her picture for the dating site. Immediately, she started to get interest in her photos. And while the first few suitors weren’t her type, she grew into her confidence. She was thankful to begin the process.

Since then, she has lost 20 pounds in the last few months, simply because she stopped doubting herself and started to believe she was worthy of love – loving herself first.

KEEP GOING AND NOTICE WHAT’S WORKING

When we start to make progress in any area of our lives, the tendency is to start creating a frenzy of doubt because we are afraid of what will happen next. Uncertainty makes us crazy. Uncertainty makes us doubt. But if instead, if we start focusing on what is working and how we can do it again, this quickly helps strengthen our intuition but also shows us what is working in this moment instead of the fearful future. At any time, things can go wrong in our lives, and sure it’s a possibility. But just reframe obstacles as tests or experiences and keep going.

WHEN IN DOUBT, CHECK IT OUT

Over time, you will begin to use doubt as an indicator if you are getting information to help you or hurt you.

So the next time you are feeling fearful or doubtful, call yourself out. Ask yourself, is this a valid concern? Will this help me in the moment I’m in? If not, take a breath and move out with action in the direction you desire.

Life is so big and amazing. And we could constantly worry and doubt ourselves to death. Or we could give ourselves the royal treatment of confidence to stay focused on the moment that we are in. We could treat ourselves with compassion and bravery to conqueror our doubt so that we can continue to share our gifts and talents with the rest of the world. We can do it. We must do it. No doubt about it. Just remember to adjust your crown on the way out. Peace.

Hop to the present moment.

I suck at many things. I’m not skilled in the kitchen. I have challenges folding and hanging clean clothes and putting them back in the closet. And I have sent more plants to Heaven than I care to confess to.

But I know where I’m really good in my life. Where I am “profesh”.

I am a profession rusher, worrier, list maker, trying to shove too many days in a hour. Now, I can get back to center by prayer, mediation, petting my dogs, holding my children, exercising or getting lost in a good conversation, or beautiful prepared meal.

And when I rise, I swear someone hits me with a stupid stick and I’m raring to go with thoughts like this…

Did I make that call?

Do I need to check that email?

What are we having for dinner?

Do the dogs need to go pee?

What’s the day today… what bills are due?

Did I miss someone’s birthday? In real life? Or on Facebook?

Is there gas in the car?

Do I need to reach out to a friend and tell him his mother who has passed is coming through? Can he handle it now?

Do I need to call the friend who was going to call me back and hasn’t?

Shouldn’t I check on them and make sure they are okay?

Do I need to pick up milk?

All while I’m in the bathroom.

Does any of this madness feel familiar? Even if just one of questions is banging around your head, then it’s time to do something different. It’s time to hop to it and stop rushing our lives away.

While a certain amount of energy is needed to get things done, rushing from one event to another or one thought to another can leave us in an exhausted state physically, mentally and emotionally. Our rational brains know this isn’t the way to live our lives, but we diligently, habitually and willingly do it again the next moment.

Why do we impose such torture on ourselves?

We do it out of fear.

Fear that if we don’t do everything, it won’t get done.

Fear that if we don’t help everyone, people will get mad at us, look down at us or even stop loving us.

Fear that this is all we know and we can’t change.

FOMO. Fear Of Missing Out.

We are terrified if we don’t try to do all the things, respond to everyone everywhere on social media, that we are missing something very, very important.

And we are.

By telling ourselves the story of fear in our lives why we have to do it all and we’d better hurry, we are losing our REAL TIME LIFE.

Your REAL TIME LIFE is

Waking up rested and safe in your cozy bed.

It’s hearing your dog snore.

It’s noticing the sound of your best friend laughing at your warped sense of humor.

It’s the smell of coffee.

It’s hugging someone a bit longer than normal to show that you feel their grief and you’re with them.

It’s enjoying the silence of the church, an empty gym, or your car when you are by yourself.

Your REAL TIME LIFE is when for that brief sweet moment, you get clarity that you and every one you love is only here for a limited time, and you should make this moment count by feeling gratitude.

If we can create the understanding that we rush, not because of a true-life emergency but out of fear, we create awareness. We need this awareness that we rush and here’s how we can do it.

Three things you can do now to hop into your REAL TIME LIFE.

1. Perfect the Pause.

Remember the advice that when you are angry, you should pause before speaking? Why stop there?

Practice pausing before you jump out of bed and feel the gratitude of waking up to another day.

Practice pausing before you eat. It could be with a prayer or just a deep breath to focus on how you are about to nourish your body.

Pause before getting together with a group of people whether it’s co-workers or friends and create the intention of what kind of energy you want bring to these groups.

Pause before responding in any conversation. Really listen to the other person and not just start formulating what you want to say or think you want to say.

Pause for a moment of peace. Pause for a moment with your pets. Pause for a moment with nature.

Pause for a moment of kindness for yourself and remind yourself that in this very moment you are doing your very best.

2. Schedule it. Seriously.

If you want to hop away from the stress of rushing then schedule the most important things on a calendar. When you write it down, put it in your phone or computer, it becomes real to your conscious self. Things like exercise, yoga, time with family, helping others need a place on the calendar so you can feel the commitment and honor it.

And if there are things you don’t really have to do, drop them. Don’t even add them to your list or life. And here’s another tip, schedule in some time for nothing to do. This way, you can enjoy not having to commit to something else or this time can help buffer your schedule if you are the type who tries to do too much at once with no time.

3. Unplug. Daily.

Everyday, schedule an hour, or half-hour, or ten minutes that you are COMPLETELY UNPLUGGED. This means not looking at your phone and turning off the sound of your devices so you don’t get a dopamine hit every time you hear a ding. If you haven’t done it before, it may feel a little unsettling. But every time you can do it, you’re training your mind to rest and not use it’s reptilian brain of reacting in the fight or flight mode to every sound or light you see on your electronic device.

Your REAL TIME LIFE is worth it. And by taking these main steps, you allow your mind to stop rushing in to the future and be fully present. These are moments that you will remember clearly at the end of your days, the ones that you remember as the time of your life. Now, get to hopping. Peace.

Employ Joy.

Your life.

From the moment you wake up…you have the unique opportunity to do one of two things. You can employ or destroy joy.

Think about it.

How did you feel when you woke up? Tired or refreshed?

How did your body feel when you stood up? Rested or achy?

How did you feel about breakfast? Indifferent? Hate it? Or guilty because you don’t do it or loved it.

How do you feel about your work? Do you hate it? Is it just a job? Is your calling?

How do you feel about returning to your home? Do you want to bulldoze it or find refuge in it?

How do you feel about your friends and family that you interact with? Don’t ask or are they the center of your universe?

Does your life have purpose? Or is your purpose to survive or thrive?

What’s interesting about these scenarios is that they all build up together all day and everyday of your life. It may feel pretty subtle and you many not notice it until a bigger event comes your way and shifts your emotional wellbeing temperature one way or the other. In every second, you are labeling and employing or destroying joy.

Here’s a snap shot of how it worked for me yesterday.

This week I have the good fortune of having a few days off so yesterday morning I woke up late. This wouldn’t be a problem, but I woke up really, really late.

And I had a funeral to attend. I woke up tired and pushed myself out of bed. My allergies have been acting up and as for breakfast, I drank a protein shake because it was quick. I don’t remember tasting it. I just needed something so I could take my allergy medicine and be able to function. I kissed my boys and husband and left for the service. The only thing I was feeling was a sense of urgency to get to the church on time.

Then it hit me. Hard.

I could employ or destroy my joy today.

In that moment, I centered myself with a few big slow breaths and looked at the trees I was driving by. No one would care if I were on time or not for this service. I was where I needed to be in this moment.

When I finally arrived at the church, like a miracle, I found a close parking spot. I was able to walk in past the cameras and news crew. I stood at the back of the church and gazed over the sea of bowed heads. A little girl waddled passed me in her new shiny black shoes to a nearby pew.

I breathed again to take in the smell of this church that was over 100 years old. I was attending a service for a wonderful mother named Marisol who had been missing for two months and her body had just been found last week. My friend and hairdresser Vanessa was one of Marisol’s best friends. I came to give my respect to my friend and the family.

Marisol spent her life making others feel beautiful and now it was our turn to remember her beautiful life and her legacy. Part of her legacy was leaving behind two daughters aged eight and five and little boy who was barely three.

I had a sense of peace watching everything unfold from the back of the church. That all changed when the service came to a close and the coffin was brought to the front doors where I was standing. The three year old ran ahead and out the door. The coffin was brought closer and pallbearers carried great weight in their faces. The sobs of the family tore apart the front door and into the sunlight, we all walked out hoping for peace and healing for this family.

In that moment I had a decision to make and again I employed joy. I ran past the news cameras and to my car.

I had bought all the children and their grandmother little lambs since it was close to Easter and that was a reminder how we are all of the same flock now and forever. I gave the bags to Vanessa and she helped me find Marisol’s children. We passed them to the children before they had to leave. The 5 year old clutched the little stuffed lamb and smiled. That smile filled me with enough joy for a lifetime.

When I drove away from the service, I felt gratitude to be with such an amazing community who came together to honor and support a beautiful life. I felt rested and strong to keep helping in my own way wherever I am and for as long as can. Coming home to my chaotic home of dogs and boys, I felt more joy. Not the kind that comes and goes with a winning sport game or party but the kind that lingers in your being and in your soul.

So as you go through out your day today, find ways to employ your joy.

It could be that you wake up and realize the gift of another day to experience.

It could be because you have food in the fridge or you have a job you like and co-workers who make you laugh.

Maybe you find joy in your house because perfect or not it comforts you beyond the necessities.

When it comes to finding your purpose, make creating and finding joy your job. Find it in both the big and small moments. Just know it’s worth it and once you employ joy you will never want to retire from it. Never.

Thank you for helping me to employ joy, Marisol Espinosa. May you rest in Peace and Love. Namaste.

Enjoy sucker free happiness.

Happiness.

When was the last time you tasted it?

And when you did taste happiness, did it leave some bitterness later?

Have you ever watched a soap opera where the young couple finally get together only to have one of them drive off a cliff in the next scene?

Have you ever watched the hunk of a hero you were rooting for make it to the very last minute of a movie only to be gobbled by a zombie?

Have you ever have a friend tell you that they are in love and you mentally roll your eyes and say to yourself, “Oh, that’ll last 20 minutes”.

When the holidays come around do you feel more dread than happiness?

If you meet a potential partner whether online or in person, do you ever think, “Yeah, but what’s wrong with them?”

Do you believe that you can’t have happiness without something really awful and crappy happen in order to balance out the universe?

Are you afraid of happiness?

Are you afraid of too much happiness?

Do you feel like a sucker?

That’s okay if you do. I was a sucker. I was a happiness sucker.

In my life, there have been many great events and memories. But it’s funny, the ones that shook me to my core were the horrible and painful ones. I didn’t realize that at the time I built the habit of connecting the awful events to the closest happy memories from around the same time.

For example, when I received a grant to produce one of my first films, my dog was hit by a car and killed. Later during another time in my life, my husband and I were awarded some big film work and the next day, my mother had a heart attack. Further along in my life, when we tried to get pregnant the first time, it happened like a miracle. Before I could fully enjoy the dream of motherhood, I experienced the nightmare of my first miscarriage.

Over time, any special event or holiday, I was just waiting for the Universe’s response of “I’m gonna get you sucker”.

Happiness made me feel nervous and fearful.

At least with awful events, I had certainty. I was certain they were going to happen. I was certain it was going to suck for a long time. And then after a second of happiness, it would happen again soon enough. And when it did, I got to claim, “I knew it!”

This certainty sucked. In my gut, my intuition told me this wasn’t any way to live.

What turned my life around, ironically, was death.

After a series of events of losing my parents, having 3 miscarriages, losing pets, friends, co-workers, and mere acquaintances it came to me in the smallest moment.

My husband and I had lost a film friend to a motorcycle accident and we had just returned from his service. There was nothing to be done. Our friend died doing what he loved and always was in a state of happiness. He was contagious. He was bigger than life.

I was at a loss of what to do next. Phone games had just started and I played Bejeweled for the first time. I probably played for 10 minutes. But in those ten minutes, I didn’t think about the horrible past or the frightening future. I simply thought about what little pixel jewels I had in front of me. I asked my husband to play and he hated video games, but even for a few moments he experienced peace and happiness.

That’s when I got my first taste of happiness in that present moment.

Now, when happiness comes my way, I become aware of that moment only and I don’t look for trouble in the past or future. When life gets challenging and difficult, I take a breath and I practice gratitude that I can still breath on my own without a machine. When life gets ugly as it will sometimes, I ask myself a question. How can I use this to make my life better? If I’m too tired or frustrated, I just ask again later.

By taking a moment to think about how you feel about happiness you will help create an awareness about your happiness habits.

Think about it?

Do you think you deserve happiness?

Does too much happiness make you feel uneasy?

When you do feel happiness, are you waiting for something bad to happen?

If you said yes to any of the above, then there is room for happiness without conditions. Sucker-free happiness.

It all begins where you keep your focus. If you focus on what is happening now in the present moment and cultivate gratitude for whatever is happening, this creates your own wellbeing and happiness. Keep doing it moment to moment and overtime, you will be able to feel chill with taste of happiness.

And when things come unexpectedly as they do in life, you will be able to observe what is happening but also focus on what good or happiness can come from the event.

So as you go throughout your day, find the smallest things you can be happy for or grateful for. And if you can’t then do something kind for someone else and instantly you will feel the joy unconditionally.

Then keep going to the next moment and the next. Until you are asleep. Then do it again.

By conditioning yourself that happiness is an option without the drama or pain, you create more of it. Not the sappy happy Pollyanna happiness, but true happiness that feels honest and resonates with your soul. And that’s pretty tasty and sucker-free. So go get it. Namaste.

How to Do the Doo.

Each day, we get an opportunity to experience a brand new day of uncertainties. Isn’t that amazing?

(Cue crickets.)

Some days are filled with pure happiness like an unexpected friend from out of town. Or maybe you paid a bill on time that you though you were late on. Maybe a deadline has postponed. Someone you were interested in texted you back. Or you have leftovers in the fridge you forgot about that are still good for dinner. Maybe you found some money. The scale was wrong. They smiled at you. We would judge these as “good” uncertainties generally speaking.

But then, there can be the other unexpected uncertainties that provide minor irritations, frustrations, and “why me or why now?” batty conversations we have with ourselves about missed deadlines or calls. Also included are traffic delays, expired milk, “they didn’t call back”, or you’ve been ghosted experiences.

Lastly, there are the FULL ON uncertainties. IT is the IT. The truckload coming at you at death wish speed and reeking like everyone’s business. And even if you had awareness of IT coming toward your way, you can’t stop IT. IT is a sickness, financial crisis, the prognosis, betrayal, death, unemployment or loss of love. IT is THE STUFF. IT is mind-blowing, soul-crushing, and makes you want to devour a bag of anything. Swim in a large glass of something. Scream at the top of your lungs.

And then do it again.

So how do you handle life’s uncertainties? When IT hits?

You begin with a choice. You must decide. You must use this moment to create awareness to bring you closer or further away from your happiness.

You can be the fan or the fertilizer when the shizzle hits.

THE FAN

In your big life situation, you can be the fan. You know the one that gets hit? You can be the big ole rusty fan that becomes clogged with the stuff that slows your blades down. It takes all your momentum, all your energy and you’re just barely moving. And what you are giving off is the air of pure rotting despair. IT doesn’t matter how you look at IT. IT stinks and you’re propelling this foulness all around you.

THE FERTILIZER

But there is another way. The way of the fertilizer is responding and not reacting. It puts you in touch with your inner farmer and fertilizer. The scoop is BE the poop. Be the fertilizer. Here’s how you do it.

Submit to IT

When you encounter the big life event you can navigate it more efficiently by simply accepting IT. Now, you don’t have to fight it or wallow in it. Simply submit to it. By not spinning about what past actions caused it or what other bad things can happen in the future, you stay in the present moment. This is where you power comes from. In this moment you are ready to take whatever comes your way.

Grin and Bear IT

Realize it’s temporary – the stink doesn’t last forever. Grin and bear it. Like all events, as time passes, the intensity will lessen. With that said it doesn’t mean it’s going to be a rose garden, but there is potential to grow that garden. You must grow your patience. Everyone can bounce back but it happens in different times. Don’t despair, walk through it one present moment at a time.

During these times, extreme care is necessary. Exercise, support groups, friends, family, healthy eating, prayer, meditation, being in nature and service to others will all help you heal and deal.

Find the Benefit of IT

Harness the potential of growth. This is the benefit of IT. Anything you experience as an intense hardship or challenge will give you growth. Look back at the various times in your life, when you didn’t think you could do it, you got through it and here you are. You got through the bad relationship, the bankruptcy, the illness, the anger, the depression, sadness, the dark night of the soul, or simply not eating the entire bag of Ruffles. Now you are stronger and wiser with more tools to farm the next bale of life’s uncertainties.

Practice your TRUE GRIT

When you get to the other side know that this too is only temporary. True grit is bravery in action. It’s trusting your intuition more. It’s kicking of the shit off your boots knowing you made it this far and you’re ready for the next step all while helping someone else out who has been hit with IT.

Today your happiness depends on this moment of awareness. When the moment of uncertainty rises in your day, decide in advance. Are you going to be the fan or the fertilizer? Commit to IT. Grow your greatness. Grow your courage. Grow your happiness. Grow your abundance. And then share it because we all need it and we need you. Right now. You are the shizzle. Namaste.

When it doubt, ROCK IT OUT.

Want abundance, love, or happiness?

One question.

In life, do you rock your fears or put your desires to an anthem?

If you rock your anthem then what rock song sings and screams your desires?

Do you want financial security? Like a Rock (Bob Seger?)

Do you want companionship? I want to Rock with You (Michael Jackson)

Do you want kids? Rock the Cradle Of Love (Billy Idol)

Do you want respect in your career? … For Those About to Rock We will Salute You. (ACDC)

Do you want to create a movement for good? We will Rock You (Queen)

Do you need more time in your life? … Rock Around the Clock (Bill Haley and the Comets)

Do you want to rule your life? … King of Rock (RUN DMC)

If you want a life worth living then it is vital to rock your fears out and rock your anthem in until you have reached you desires or your goals.

Many times in life, when we decide to go for something we want in life, almost instantly we get resistance. Depending how we handle that resistance, we can be rocking with fear for years until we get to the point you don’t even remember what we wanted in the first place.

But if we want to rock a new tune we must take the steps in a new direction

Rock Talk

First things first. In order to know what we want in our lives, we must to get a clear picture in our mind. VERY CLEAR. What do we want? Why do we want it? How long will it take us to get there? What are our challenges? How much of our life is worth spending over this? And finally, how will we feel when we get the thing we desire? What’s your anthem for life? And if it’s a crappy song, by all means change your anthem! If you haven’t given you dreams and desires that much thought, then make a date with yourself and jot down your ideas.

If you’re not sure where to start, write down what you don’t want. After you notice your list, begin to write down the opposite of that list.

For example:

I don’t want an abusive relationship.

I want to be in a relationship with someone I’m attracted to and someone with whom I can be myself and have fun.

I don’t want a dead end job where I waste my life trying to pay the damn bills.

I want a job in which (fill in the blank) I’m appreciated and working with a team. I want to enjoy my work and make a difference.

By getting clear of the details of the dreams of your life, you create the reality of what’s possible and this helps diminish initial fears.

Rock Walk

The next step is to take any step to help you move closer to your dreams. It could be anything from online research to locating people who can help mentor you or counsel you. Enlist a friend or family member that you can trust to share your dreams and create accountability. Step away from people who don’t support you or bring negativity to your life.

Every minute, hour, step and action move you either closer or further way from your potential. Move closer. Create awareness to notice if you are moving in the right direction. And if you’re not, notice what is working or not working.

Rock Stalk

The last step is to stalk your dreams and desires like there is no tomorrow because someday they could be the reality. Just don’t go doing something that could cause harm to others or do something insane that could inspire a Lifetime movie. This should go without out saying.

Each day do something that guides you closer to your dream. This could be just visualizing, meditating or creating a plan how to manifest your desires. And by adding consistent and constant action, you create momentum and new possibilities. By strengthening this mindset muscle everyday, fear has no time to create a new playlist.

Each day we witness people change their tune and create their anthem for something that brings abundance, love, or happiness into their lives. There are plenty of role models out there and ways to do it. Get started. Right now would be perfect.

You already have it in you. Rock your fears. Rock the anthem of your desires and dreams into reality. The world needs your song to inspire others. Spandex or leather pants are always optional. Namaste.

Woof. Stop attracting what you don’t want.

My life changed when I heard the first fart.

Then the belch.

Then another sputtering fart.

Santa had come to our house. Santa didn’t have gastric issues, but he did leave a few presents that I thought were undesirable. I almost hid them in the closet. Almost.

I didn’t know but in that one shiny Christmas moment, I was attracting dissatisfaction. I tangled my tinsel tightly. I expected and projected dread when my sons opened their gifts. They were going to hate it and I was going to hate hearing them hate it. And then I was going to hate hearing the electronic farts and belches coming from rubber dogs with fake vomit coming out of their mouths.

But I was wrong. Dog gone it wrong.

My stinking kids loved these gross furry beings. They couldn’t get enough. Their squeals and hysterical laughing covered up all the gassy sound effects. It was loud. It was spontaneous. And in the end, it was awesome.

But I almost killed a moment of happiness with my attraction to dissatisfaction.

It’s ridiculous how much we all do it.

It’s scary to know how much it can sabotage our happiness. Everyday.

In just one moment our attraction to dissatisfaction can be ignited…

When we get on the scale and expect high numbers

When we look at our bank account and expect low numbers

When we look at the check out line and expect it will take forever.

When we go into a short meeting and that it expect it to last a lifetime.

When we go to the doctor and expect to hear something awful.

When we meet somebody new and expect something to be wrong with them whether it’s our new boss or significant other.

When we look in the mirror.

When we think about how we feel about ourselves.

When we expect dissatisfaction, we get it. And even when we are disappointed (yet again), we get some freakish comfort that “we were right”. We have our certainty and that means something to us when we life in a life full of uncertainties. Like farts.

But if we want to experience happiness on a moment-to-moment basis, we must do something different. We must make a shift. Woof. Let’s do this.

3 Ways to Stop Attracting Dissatisfaction

1. Know that Old Dog’s Trick

You’ve been around for a while. Take a moment to reflect about how you think, expect or believe things happen or don’t happen in your life. Do you look at life with a half full glass, a cracked glass, or even a shot glass? Now, think about why you think like this? How does it serve you? Are you afraid of the unknown? Are you afraid of disappointment? Are you just plain afraid? There isn’t a right or wrong answer, only understanding on how you use this habit to keep you surviving through life.

Next, once you understand what’s been going on to create the attraction of dissatisfaction, you are ready for something better than surviving. Ready for thriving, and if so, then it’s time to…

2. Raise the Bone or the Bar

When it comes to raising the bar, we normally live up to our expectations whether they are high or low. We even live up to other’s expectations of us unconsciously. This is why it’s extremely important to be in charge of your bar because no one is going raise it like you can. What do you want in life? What do you think you can have? What will it take to get there? Will you do whatever it takes? Only you know what you can do, so raise that bar and go fetch it.

3. Kindly Sniff it Out

To stop attracting dissatisfaction, you need to use more than positive thinking. Cultivating the thinking of possibility partnered with the action of pursuit will always put you closer to the people and things that you desire.

Just like a dog on a mission to a fire hydrant, it’s important to know that good things can come your way and you deserve them and can have them.

This is where the mindfulness comes in. When you have created a positive desired outcome – the stuff that you want – it’s equally important to be aware if you are getting closer or father from it in your moment to moment actions or thoughts.

If you are moving away from the things that create happiness in you, then stop and think what can you do in this moment to get closer to your outcome. Maybe you need assistance, maybe you need more information, or maybe you need to change your attitude or perspective. At any rate, the process of sniffing it out and being flexible enough to change directions to move in the direction of happiness will be worth it.

How much is it worth?

There are numerous studies that show that how we feel changes the chemical makeup of our bodies. More stress hormones cause our hearts to work harder, age faster, and create a negative outlook, which can affect our memories and our life spans as well.

How much is your life worth?

Throughout the day if you feel less than what you desire, then put down the bone of dissatisfaction, and start focusing and chasing something that really matters to you in this lifetime. Health. Abundance. Connection. Love. And then, go get it like you mean it. Woof and namaste.

What do you want to attract today?

Don’t give up on love.

I work with several people a day. On some occasions, it’s a hundred. I love the opportunity to work, to play, to create and serve others. It juices me. I was designed for this. It is my purpose.

But somedays…

I don’t feel loving. Quite frankly, I feel the opposite. And I’m not even hormonaI at those times. I simply feel annoyed. I feel agitated and I feel impatient. And sometimes, I feel like kicking somebody in the butt. Sometimes I feel like kicking me in the butt.

And this is my absolute sure sign that I have run out of love.

This is not a deep-seated depression or road rage. It’s simply a day or so where I don’t feel loving. It happens to all of us. You know the feeling. Oh, yes, you do.

It’s the feeling when you can’t drag yourself to work anymore.

It’s the sensation when all of your co-workers drive you completely insane. (Even the so called “nice and normal ones”.)

It’s when everyone on the road is an idiot and the people at the stores are related to them.

It’s when you look in the mirror and roll your eyes. Or worse yet, you don’t even look in the mirror because why would you want to?

It’s when you don’t even look at TV or Facebook because it’s the same ole, same ole.

It’s when you fake smile at anyone but on the inside you’re scowling.

Even you family and pets annoy you.

Life sucks a little.

And here’s how you get that loving feeling back a little a time. The reason I say a little at time is because when you have run out of love, you don’t really have the time, energy, or motivation to climb a mountain, sky dive or meditate for several hours to “find yourself”. So do this instead…

Love Yourself A Little

Now, I’ll be the first one to say that even when I’m feeling okay, when I hear someone say the phrase “love yourself”, I want to hit them hard with a box of Samoa Girl Scout Cookies. But especially when I’m not feeling loving. And when you have run out of love, it’s really a challenge to carrying on a sweet affair with yourself when you are self-loathing. So just love yourself a little.

A little is doable. For me, loving myself a little would look like me taking a nap for a hour. I could love myself a little by being in my house by myself in silence, not answering the phone, a text, or being on social media. Loving myself could also be walking outside, taking a super hot bath or just sitting on the couch with a book.

When I take time to love myself a little, it helps take off the edge. I can feel my being soften, and it’s easier to see where I have not been taking care of my own needs. And I don’t need all day to discover this. And when I’ve taken the time for me, then I can go to the next step.

Love Someone Else A Pinch

You don’t have to be a people person to do this next step and that is why I like this one. When you have run out of love, it’s very difficult to be loving or even civil to others. But when you are intentionally kind to someone else, it pulls you out of your head and into the present moment. For example, at my kid’s school the elderly crossing guard didn’t show up on Friday. People were freaking out and demanding to know what happened. Who dropped the ball and who was going to pay for putting potential children in jeopardy? On Monday, when people got out of their anger mode and someone asked the crossing guard what happened, we found out he had to rush his wife to the emergency and she was still there.

In that moment, parents came out the woodwork to help this man with gift cards and offered potluck dinners. It softened everyone’s heart and by everyone loving this crossing guard a pinch, it was contagious and then turned into a lovefest.

Love Someone Outside Your Circle a Tiny Bit

After you loved yourself a little and loved someone else, it’s time to expand your influence and love outside your sphere. This can be a co-worker you don’t know well to a neighbor to a charity or organization that you believe in. And if you’re so depleated from running out of love and don’t know where you can go, peek at the Facebook page HONY. Every day the amazing humanitarian and photographer Brandon brings pictures and stories of others who have lived in conditions or experiences that our worst night mares couldn’t produce. And it’s humbling. You feel the gratitude and love for your own life, your own set of circumstances. By bearing witness to others who are in hard places, you compassion grows as well as the loving magnitude you can project.

By doing something kind for someone you know or don’t know, like open a door for a stranger at the grocery store, you sending a message to your higher self that good things can happen in the world and you can create them.

Like love.

Creating awareness and knowing when you have run out of love is a vital starting point to generating happiness. Taking action to do something different and take care of your needs is the most loving thing you can do for yourself and the world.

The world loves you and says, “thank you.” I love you and say, “thank you”. Now, would you like a Samoa?

What is the smallest thing you can do for yourself or others? Now, do it.

Stop spinning. Happiness awaits.

It’s easy to do, just like drinking coffee.

From the moment I wake up, I can become aware of all the things I see lack in.

The dirty laundry.

The clean laundry that hasn’t been folded.

Vitamins that beckon to be taken.

Bills and paper that need to be filled, shredded, or recycled

Fridge could use a good scrubbing… and the bathroom.

And while I’m at it, my car needs to be cleaned.

I need to call my doctor for a physical.

I need to finish that new book before starting on another.

Before I know it I have not been fully conscious or awake for five minutes yet I have killed the coziness of happiness.

I could carry on like this all day, all week, all month, all year and all of my life.

But what helps me is to stop spinning in the crazy.

Spinning in the crazy is all the things we do that we think are helping us by obsessing or worrying about them but the only thing they do is take from our time and getting cozy with the moment.

Here are 4 ways to stop spinning in the crazy.

1. Acknowledge the past and but don’t live there.

If you’re like most people everyday you encounter some sort of failure. Maybe you forget to pay a bill. Run out of gas. Say something you regret. Or maybe it’s an ongoing issue, like staying too long in a relationship that isn’t working or in a job that no longer is a good fit for you and your life. Once the realization creates awareness that this isn’t working for you or your happiness, create a shift to do something different.

By doing something different, I don’t mean posting on Facebook about what’s wrong with your life or making a scrapbook about it. It’s doing something to move in the direction that you want or desire to move in. One step. Then another. Maybe you put a reminder on your phone to remind you about your bills. Maybe you never let your tank go down past half a tank. Maybe you decide to have “the talk” with your significant other or boss. Taking action and creating momentum will keep us in the moment and out of the past of crazy.

2. Nobody is looking at you.

 The second way to stop spinning in the crazy is to understand completely that no one is looking at you. Really. Yes, people love you. But no one’s looking at you and all your mistakes because they are spinning in their own abundancy of lack or what’s not going right in their lives. If you been around the last few decades, you will undeniably see how we as a species have ramped up the need for information and because of this, we have extremely shorter attention spans. So if you think that people are judging you and all your decisions and your life choices, think again. Now they are off to the next shiny thing that has pulled their attention. Now, don’t you feel better? I know I do.

3. Get the help you need

Here’s the funny thing. While we think everyone is always looking at us all the time, we also hold the belief that no one will help us. This is also not a thought that serves us. In any area of our life, there is someone who has either gone through it or there is professional support such as counseling, therapy or other organizations to help you in the areas of growth.

So whether you need help with handing your finances, your education, your career track, or your relationships, it’s out there. All you have to do is create the shift and do something different and reach out for assistance.

4. Build on the small happiness moments

We tend to think that happiness will come to us after we have accomplished a certain thing or met the right person. But happiness is a moment to moment thing and there is a lot of uncertainty in it. This is why we lean into the negative thoughts, because we know that without out a doubt that those bad things “will come up” and this type of certainty brings us a little peace because we are right.

In order to shift into something different and cozy up to happiness, we need to get used to being in the moment without projecting that something bad is going to happen right around the corner. By staying in the moment that we are in and not the future or past, we can feel what is right in that moment.

So, if you didn’t pay the electric bill yesterday, don’t fret. Tell yourself you will take care of it today, and then let it go. If you are in a job that isn’t your ideal job, be grateful that you have a job and do you best today knowing that you won’t be there forever. Then take one action today to move closer to your next job whether it’s a call or email.

As humans we all strive for happiness, we say we want it, but we have the habit of looking at what is not right in our lives. We create conditions that create barriers to our happiness. By creating awareness of the moment we are in and shifting in the direction that we want to go by taking small steps, we can finally cozy up to happiness in a long-term relationship. Now, find those Snuggies. Namaste.

Make bigger waves.

Are you predictable?

Is your day predictable?

Can you pretty much predict how your day will go this week?

If you answered “yes” to the questions above, let’s tread in deeper water.

Are you complacent? If you’re not sure and you’re floating on your back wondering about this, here are a few things to consider if you and your life are drowning in complacency.

Is there anything that you are scared about or even excited about in the near future?

Opening up your bills does not count.

Are you learning or trying something new?

Opening up the fridge with your opposite hand doesn’t count.

Does your life present surprise or change at least weekly?

Watching who will remain on the Bachelor doesn’t count.

Do you like change?

Changing your underwear doesn’t count.

Do you have ambition?

Playing Powerball or mixing colors with whites while doing the laundry doesn’t count.

Are you growing in all levels of your life?

Pant sizes and credit card balances don’t count.

If you answered no to some or even all of these questions, there is a pretty good chance that you are in the deep end of complacency.

And this is okay. Kiss your brain because step one is awareness.

Don’t take this lightly, this is huge. We all crave some type of normalcy and consistency in our lives. But overtime when we aren’t growing or evolving, we can be pulled into the undertow of complacency. And if you’re drowning in complacency, you may not know it until it’s too late. So what can you do?

You can make waves.

Big ones.

Tsunami-size waves.

The waves that your arms and legs make from thrashing about as if you were trying to flee from Jaws. Like your life depended on it. And guess what? It does.

Let’s start with making waves in your HOME.

Look at place in your life where being predicable and boring is no longer serving you. Cause waves by revamping your workout schedule, your eating, how you spend your free time, how you take care of your finances or your home.

Make waves by taking a garbage bag and pack up all the items you don’t use and donate them to Goodwill. Then simply be grateful for all the possessions you do have in your house and know that you have enough.

Next, lets look at making waves at WORK.

Is your job predicable? Are you just going in just to make a buck? Honesty will help you make bigger waves. Do your coworkers excite you and help you grow in the field you are in? If not, cause waves by looking for other opportunities or job possibilities.

Make waves by finally starting on the projects close to your heart that you have been putting on the back burner.

If you know you are going to stay in your job for a while then maybe its time to cause waves of change on how you perceive yourself and how you serve others in your job. Maybe you’re not the youngest on the team, but you can perceive yourself as the most valuable, wise, compassionate and passionate on the team. Even the tiniest perception or mind shift can cause the biggest waves.

Lastly, let’s look at those RELATIONSHIPS.

Do you like hanging with your friends? Your significant other? Your family? Is the time you spend with them invigorating or depleting? If it’s the latter, make waves. Change the places where you meet people. Change the activities that you do with others. If you hang around people that don’t embrace you or are toxic, make waves and let them go so that you may welcome others in. Check out that club, the dating service, the church, the marathon, the band, and the hair salon that also serves you a glass of wine.

When you are creating waves of meaning for your life, you need to know what is the most important thing in your life right now like your health, your abundance, your family, your friends, and your life’s purpose.

And never again take them for granted. Not for a single second. Create urgency for the things in life that matter and make the waves of an epic lifetime. Namaste.