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For tales well told. Entirely. A place to stretch out and relax and doodle in this digital notebook. Most importantly, the place to track down the wondrous BLOB, updated each month.
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1. Pinning speech


(I was asked to deliver the graduation speech to the 2008 JTCC/CNP nursing students. Here is a copy of it.)

Congratulations, graduates, and welcome to a healing profession. You are nurses. Whatever you may do from here, wherever you may go I hope that you never forget that this is what you help to do. This is your greatest power, your greatest gift. You will reach into the hearts and minds of the sick and their families and you will plant two very important seeds, hope and love, and the fruit of these is healing.

These sound like lofty words, ridiculous words, the sort of words that you’d hear at, say, a pinning ceremony for new graduates, where the speaker is supposed to say grand things about the grand things you have done and will do. He or she will call you a nurse for the first time and you’ll look around wondering if they are talking about you. I have only been a nurse for a year now but I can tell you that I have done grand things, great things during that time and it has changed my life entirely. What I have received in return from my profession is leagues more than I have given and I have given as much of myself as I am able. This certainly was not my intention when I enrolled in nursing school.

When I walked into my first clinical, late mind you, holding that Good Humor uniform in my arms and a pair of shiny new white shoes, I was just about done with the whole thing. Our class had spent a few weeks in absolute dreadful confusion. The chapters were long and arduous to read. It was like being thrown into a foreign country with a $100 bag of supplies you didn’t know how to use. We had the look not of deer in the headlights, but of deer on the back of the pickup on the way to Bubba’s for skinning. All of us were thoroughly depressed. But we were brown-nosers to the core. So when Chas asked us why we wanted to be nurses, I piped up first on the way to the bathroom to change. Being the only male in the class I felt I better chime in quickly.

“I used to do shows for kids with AIDS in hospitals and I’ve always wanted to be a nurse since then,” I said. Now, most of this statement was true. I had done theater shows for kids in hospitals and it had meant a lot to me at the time. They are an audience that vibrates with love. However, being the only male there in a class full of women – all of whom I love dearly and would gladly have as my sister, by the way – I felt just a little out of place and to be honest a little intimidated. I had a feeling that if one of the girls went first the round of stories would start like this.

“I’ve dreamed of being a nurse since I was in 3rd grade.” All the girls would laugh and pat her arm.

“I’ve dreamed of being a nurse since I was in 1st grade.” All the girls would laugh and pat her arm.

Then it would be my turn. “I’ve dreamed of being a nurse since I found out they make lots of money and have really flexible hours and there’s tons of jobs.”

You see the dilemma I was in? I hadn’t ever really thought of being a nurse. Like most of my patients even today, I didn’t think men became nurses. I certainly had never seen one. They were like a rare, exotic species – The Male Nurse. There’s a stuffed one of us at Ripley’s Believe it or Not somewhere. Probably in Gatlinburg.

So I embellished a bit. I hadn’t really wanted to become a nurse. It wasn’t something I dreamed about. It never entered my mind when I was doing children’s theater that nursing might be a good profession for me. I had little to no thought that I might actually like the job or, god forbid, love it.

But I do.

I love it.

I love it.

I love it.

I love being a nurse.

It was the job, it is the job that I am meant to be doing at this time, not a moment before. It is the first job that I have ever felt uniquely qualified to do. It is the first job that has used almost all of my life experiences, good and bad. I have been a writer, a salesman, a carpenter, a college dropout, a house painter, a camp counselor, an actor, a music teacher, a mortgage processor, a store clerk for a drugstore, a college dropout again, a waiter, a baby wrangler for a family photographer, a director, a friend, a husband, a father. The amazing thing is that at some point I’ve used all these lessons in my interactions with my patients, the children that I care for. So it is with you. Every life experience you have had, good and bad, has brought you here to sit in these chairs on this Friday night. And it has brought the people behind, in front, around and above you, as well. Without them most likely you’d not have made it through the torture that is nursing school. They are what made my pinning special. Truthfully, it was something I had no desire to attend. But then I had a chance to see my children’s faces and my wife’s and the faces of the crazy broads in the program with me. And when we were announced as nursing graduates I felt very proud of what I’d done, what we’d endured. The pin was placed on my shoulder and I stood up here as a nurse.

And then I went home. Time to get a job. I’d like to say I calmly surveyed the field and took the best of several offers. I’d like to say that. I’d like to say hospitals were chomping at the bit to hire me into pediatrics, the only field I had any interest in going into. I got exactly one positive response in my first two to three weeks of looking. It wasn’t even a job that sounded like I’d enjoy it. Pediatric psychiatry. I could just imagine hundreds of angst-ridden teens hating me with their every zit. I struggled with the suggestion from some nurses already in the field to do a year on a medical floor first. After all that time learning these new skills, it did seem a shame that I might lose what I’ve gained. Then one nurse on the floor where I was a tech told me to do what I loved, and do it from the beginning. And I loved our psych rotation and I loved our pediatric rotation. I can tell you that I was absolutely the only one who loved both. Some one and not the other, but no one else had felt as home as I did in those two places. Could this be the job for me then? Well, seeing as I had no other offers and my wife was thinking I better start putting the Playstation down since it wasn’t helping to pay the bills, I took the job. The next day another offer came in, but I was already committed. I joined the Virginia Treatment Center for Children in August of last year.

My wife, who teaches public speaking here at John Tyler, told me I should put a story in about here. Something that seems to sum up how I fit in where I work. Here goes.

Within my first few weeks at the hospital I met a 6-year-old girl. I won’t go into the details of her life up until that time. They were the kinds of details that made you feel like some people are not human to act as they do. She had been left with barely any skills to survive and interact in this world, so she stepped out of it quite often to go to a safer place for her. To us, though, this looked like a child out of control. One of the first times I saw her two nurses were moving her with great difficulty into a seclusion room, a small maybe 6X6 room with nothing in it. The practice for a full seclusion is to shut the door and lock it and stand outside and talk to the child until they have calmed down. It’s one of the saddest things to witness and I am very proud to say that my hospital is working unbelievably hard to discontinue this practice. Their rates of seclusions and restraints have plummeted in the previous two years.

This day, however, with this child she had been moved to seclusion. She’d been there before. She usually lost so much control that her mind went elsewhere and when she did this there seemed like little you could do for her. People stayed away. I can’t. I’m not good at staying away. I sort of sat or laid down in the doorway, half in/half out of the room. My gut told me to be small, as small as possible, and timid. I asked someone to bring me some paper and some was handed to me. I propped myself up on my elbows with the girl dug into a corner of the room beside me. I tried not to look at her but rather at the paper in front of me. I started to draw. I’m not much of an artist now but I knew I could draw a kite. Kites I can do. I drew one with a long, long string that rose from the bottom of the page up to the top where the kite was. I drew a girl holding the string. I named the girl Princess Mary, after the girl beside me. I told her a story about her kite. It was very important for me to tell her that this was her kite and no one else’s. Part of me waited to be spit on and hit. That’s usually what she did. But again my gut told me she wouldn’t. It told me if I could talk long enough about the kite and get her to hear about it at some point that she might gently come back. So I talked and talked. I told her how high the kite was, how winds pulled at it and sometimes whipped it round and round, but how strong the princess was that held the string. I drew the kite higher and higher into the sky, up into outer space. I drew planets and space ships. I told about all the things the kite could see from so high, that no one could bother the kite up there. That it was safe. That it was beautiful. A beautiful kite like no other. And it was Mary’s. Hers. I told her again and again how strong it was. I paused at some point in the story and asked her if it was okay to wipe some of the spit from her mouth. It was drooling down her chin and onto her clothes. I did this very carefully, and nothing more. I moved back and continued with the story.

I don’t know how long I sat there. Maybe 10 minutes. Maybe more. Someone else showed up behind me and I told Mary I’d be right back. That I was going to get her a drink of punch. I got her the punch and the other nurse escorted her back to the unit. I stood there for a moment. You know what I was thinking?

I love being a nurse.

Since that time I’ve been scratched and kicked and punched and spit at. I’ve been called a tall, white cracker and some things a bit worse. I’ve been shoved and pulled. I’ve been scheduled for days I hadn’t signed up for, for too many days. I’ve gotten angry at administration. I’ve felt like the best nurse in the building and the worse nurse to ever wear scrubs. I’ve been told I’m wonderful at communicating and that I am horrible at communicating. Now those of you who head into Med-Surg maybe you won’t get this. Maybe it is some kind of test you have to pass in the Psych field. I think probably each of you will experience this to some extent. I know some of the women I graduated with faced these and other, harder challenges out there. If you’ve met the ones to be in your seats now you are up to any challenge out there.

That’s the rough of it.

There is a great story I read the other day. A man was complaining to his god, his higher power, whatever you wish to call it. He said, “There is so much disease and death and destruction. There are so many horrible things being done out there to people. Why, why don’t you do anything about it?”

His god answers him. “I did,” he says. “I made you.”

And so he made me. Then he made me a nurse.

I have sat in seclusion rooms with tiny children and made up stories and sang songs. I have helped paint the units brighter colors.  I’ve walked and swung on swingsets and played hide and seek and colored pictures of cars and superheroes. I’ve told numerous children that they are special and loved and worthwhile. I’ve given meds to help them sleep or help them slow down or help them come down or come back from wherever it is they go. I’ve watched as their fists slowly come unclenched and they begin to cry. And I feel blessed to be there for this, to be a part of this.

The funniest, most ironic thing about this is that it is one of the very first lessons we are taught as nursing students – the importance of presence. We lose this sometimes in our quest to digest several dozen heavy textbooks over a 2-year period. We can lose sight of this asset and live in fear that we do not know enough stuff. The more we worry about the stuff the further we get away from our presence. The further we get away from this, the further we get away from our patients. Too far away and we are not healing anymore, we are putting on band-aids. Anyone can do that.

The last thing I have to say may sound a bit corny. You’ll have to excuse me. I’m a psych nurse, after all. I said it to a fellow nurse at my hospital a few weeks ago.

I think our job is a sacred one. I think that the art of healing is a privilege. It is one filled with love and with compassion. Treat your patients with this love and compassion. You can feel it right in your gut here. Let it guide every encounter with them. If you do this often enough your job will take on an entirely new meaning for you. Your words, your touch, your presence will heal. Welcome, again, to a healing profession.

You are nurses.

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2. Soul Suit recall issued


“Herbert! How are you?”

“Busy.”

“But you’re here.”

“Um…Yeah.”

“What’s that mean? Why the ‘um…yeah’?”

“Um…”

“Spit it out, Herbert.”

“It’s your suit.”

“My suit?”

“Your soul suit.”

“Oh. That one. Yeah?”

“Um…”

“Just get to it, Herbert. I’m very busy.”

“No you’re not.”

“Okay. I could be very busy, if you weren’t here.”

“Your suit has been recalled.”

“Recalled? You can’t. I’m wearing it.”

“It’s defective. You could get hurt.”

“Everybody hurts.”

“Please don’t sing, Michael.”

“Sorry. I’m just saying, it doesn’t matter what suit you give me I’m still going to bang it up some. Right?”

“We’re unveiling a new suit.”

“And…?”

“And it’s fantastic! You could fall down a flight of stairs and not be scratched at all.”

“I’ve done that.”

“Not that story again.”

“There I was just walking casually down the steps when…”

“Please, Michael. I told you I was busy. I need the suit.”

“Okay. How does this work? How does one slip out of their birthday suit exactly? No buttons or zippers on it or anything.”

“Actually…”

“There are?”

“Of course. Thumb into the belly button…finger in the left ear….and…..just a turn..like….this.”

“Hold up a sec! Where’s the new suit?”

“It’s not done yet. Still some kinks to work out.”

“So what am I supposed to be walking around in?”

“Um…”

“Dont’ give me that ‘um’ thing. You can’t just take my old suit and leave me with nothing.”

“Actually I can. There’s been a recall.”

“You told me that.”

“It’s not safe for you to be walking around.”

“I’ve been fine up until now.”

“But now that there’s been a recall…”

“…you’re worried I’ll sue. I won’t.”

“We can’t take that chance. If you sue Us for everything, heck you get EVERYTHING.”

“I hadn’t thought of that.”

“See? See how your eyes just lit up.”

“Sorry. I couldn’t help it. So what are we going to do?”

“I could swap in a less defective model, I guess.”

“Okay. Like what?”

“Let me check my Blackberry. See what we have in stock….. Okay. Looks like we have a tree sloth suit.”

“I don’t want to be a tree sloth. They can’t type with those claws.”

“Okay. It’s either that….or….a naked mole rat.”

“My kids would love that one. You know you can watch them live at the National Zoo on your computer. http://nationalzoo.si.edu/Animals/SmallMammals/default.cfm?Cam=NMR.”

“Well then. They wouldn’t have to go into the computer, they could just look in their parents room.”

“Can I have some company? Is maybe my wife’s suit defective, too?”

“No. Hers is fine.”

“Does workman’s comp cover this?”

“Please sit still, Michael. This won’t take but a minute.”

“How emmbbbbbbbeeeeeeeeek! Eeeeeeek eeeeeeeek.”

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3. Wolfman complains


“It’s late.”

“My time.”

“Why aren’t you out then?”

“Wanted to stop by and talk to you.”

“Oh? About what?”

“The whole ‘me hungry, eat children’ thing. Come on! That’s not fair. We had a deal. I agreed to be in your story if you didn’t portray wolfmen as starving savages. And that’s exactly what you did. You didn’t even flinch. Went right for it.”

“It’s a dream.”

“That doesn’t matter. It still gives people the wrong idea of us.”

“That you’re scary? You are.”

“Not that.”

“That you don’t eat people? You do.”

“Only occasionally. When there’s not anything else around.”

“So how am I wrong?”

“That we grunt and talk like that. Listen to me now. I’m very eloquent. I’m not a savage. I am starving, though.”

“Chef B left some wolvegoat if you want to try it.”

“Sounds…foody.”

“Yes, it’s food.”

“Hey, that’s not bad.”

“You’re welcome to it.”

“Thanks….mmmm….Where was I?”

“Savages.”

“Yes. Savages. We’re not them.”

“I never called you a savage.”

“No, you left that for the illustrator to do, didn’t you? Going to pretend to be all innocent and then when he draws me all slobbery with wild eyes you’re going to throw your hands up and be like, ‘Gosh, what’s that?’ I know your game, Sullivan.”

“So what can we do?”

“Cut me in on the byline.”

“What?”

“Put me in the byline. M Sullivan and Wolfman.”

“That’s ridiculous. I’ll look like a fool.”

“Have you seen the Renaissance outfit you wore for that show? I hardly think you need to worry about being called a fool. It’s a given.”

“No one puts a creature in the byline.”

“That’s only because you haven’t allowed us to unionize.”

“Oh, geeze. Not that again.”

“I’m telling you not to push us. We will.”

“You can’t.”

“We can and we will…if you don’t give me a byline.”

“Really? The whole creature community is behind you on this? They all want nothing more than your name on the cover of a book?”

“Yup. The Fraternal Order of Creatures has spoken.”

“I can’t believe you just said that. This is writing for children.”

“I told you not to push us.”

“Let me talk to my agent.”

“You don’t have an agent.”

“Let me talk to my wife.”

“You don’t…oh, yeah you do. I remember. She’s the one with the brains. Yeah, you speak to her and see what she says.”

“Why is it you are suddenly speaking with a Brooklyn accent? Is that what unionizing does?”

“Yup. Part of the initiation. You talk to your wife and get her to agree to our terms.”

“Giving you a byline. Those are the terms, right?”

“You got it. I’ll come see you in a week to finalize the details.”

“I’m pretty sure there’s no full moon in a week.”

“There ain’t one now, smarty. I told you we was branching out. I’ll be watching you.”

“I have a dog.”

“You used to have a dog.”

“You di…”

“No, I’s just kidding. She’s still there. But I could. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Could what?”

“Open the gate and let her out.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“That’s okay with you?”

“Um. I thought…Um, no, that’s NOT okay with me.”

“Good. So wise up.”

“Is that your name someone just howled?”

“Nah. That was ‘Carrrrrlllllll.’ Mine’s Herrrrmmmannnnn.”

“I’m tired Herman. Is there anything else?”

“Nope. You’ve been warned.”

“Good night, Herman.”

“Good night….sweet dreams, bwa-ha-ha.”

“What was that?”

“An evil laugh.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, it was.”

“Do it again. Please. Hee hee. That cracked me up.”

“I’m leaving.”

“No. Do it one more time. Can I get my kids in here to hear it? Maybe the dog?”

“Goodbye, Sullivan.”

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4. Brrg sets the record straight


“Bock bock brrrg, Michael.”

“Bock, Brrg. What brings you by today?”

“Bock brrg bock bock brrrrg!”

“Chef Blarney’s trying to write you out of his show? Dang. That didn’t take long.”

“Bock bock brrg brrrg bock bock.”

“I’d be jealous, too, I guess. Your cookbook is doing much better than his. It’s not easy when you are outdone by a half-chicken, half-crocodile.”

“Bock bock brrg bock.”

“Yes. But 100% salesman. I get it. He might not. Chef is sensitive about these kinds of things. His career, his livelihood depends on the sale of his books and DVDs. He can’t just wander back into the Everglades and eat raw frogs like you can.”

“Brrg brrg bock bock brg bockity  bock.”

“Okay. He could if he knew how to prepare them from reading your book, but he won’t read it. I’m sorry. Maybe if you’d given him some credit for finding you he wouldn’t be so upset and you two could work together better on the set. Maybe even  do a book together.”

“Bock bock bock brrrrg!”

“You shouldn’t say that about someone. It’s not nice.”

“Brrg bock.”

“Could be true, but it’s still not nice. Can’t you work this out with him?”

“Brg.”

“Try?”

“Brg.”

“Then he’ll kick you off the show. What do you want me to say?”

“Brrg brrg bock bock brrgy bock brg.”

“You’re his only hope?”

“Bock brrgy bock bok boorgy bock bg brrk.”

“Oh…. That’s not good. I mean, for you it’s great, but if you take over the show because the producer likes you better that’d crush him. Crush him.”

“Bock.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to him. I’ll get him to agree with you.”

“Brrgr?”

“I’ll tell him the truth.”

“Bock-bock”

“I know. It’s not going to be pretty. Well, whatever he says, Brrg, you’re a good friend to him and I thank you for that.”

“Bock brr.”

“Wish me luck.”

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5. Rockin’ with Mama Kai


“It’s peaceful out here, Mama Kai.”

‘Can be, Michael. Can be. Sometimes it gets real loud, though. Feels like the whole world is shaking.”

“Sometimes it does.”

“I suppose so.”

“Don’t you get bored rockin’ here? Same porch, same stand of trees in front of you. Weeds even seem like the same as last year.”

“I do. Sure, I do. Then I start hummin’ or I start to really listen. Then things change ever so slightly. Not huge. Just small changes. If I’m really bored, though, it’s time for me to get up and do something.”

“You’re always doing something.”

“Ha! I know. It’s a fault of mine. Sometimes the things I’m doing don’t feel like I’m doing things. In order to feel real busy you got to find something that frustrates you. Do that for awhile, then you’ll feel busy. So busy you can’t think of anything else.  But if you can solve it, whoo-eee!, you’ll feel like the king of the world for a few moments.”

“That’s it? A few moments?”

“Hee hee. Yup. Then back to work.”

“Or rockin’.”

“Rockin’ will do fine, as well. Just fine… Now hush for a minute so I can hear this song.”

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6. Chef Blarney brings lunch


“That’s truly disgusting, Chef B.”

“That’s 100% Wolvegoat flank with some Turkebat in it. Are you kidding me? That’s delicious.”

“It tastes like a hot dog someone left out for too long…. Maybe a few years.”

“That’s what we call ‘gamey’. Means it’s fresh off the field.”

“I thought you said Turkebats only live in discarded 3-liter soda bottles.”

“Sure do. Flourishing they are… You going to finish that?”

“No. You can have it. Thanks for stopping by.”

“Same time next week?”

“Okay. How about if I bring lunch, though?”

“You sure? I’m going out for Orangatangel fish this week.”

“I’ll bring lunch.”

“All right then. See you next week. Don’t you forget now. I know how caught up you get in stuff.”

“Next week, Chef Blarney. Bye!”

“Bye!”

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7. Philbert?


“Hey, Philbert. Nice to see you again. We did the interview the other day, though. Remember?”

“I just flew over to tell you that I flew over.”

“You flew over to tell me that you flew over?”

“Yes. I walked last time.”

“You did.”

“I flew this time.”

“Good. I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks. I gotta go.”

“Okay.”

“I’m going to fly home.”

“I assumed so.”

“I could walk.”

“True.”

“I walked last time.”

“True.”

“I’m going to fly this time, though. It’s faster.”

“I’ll see you later then, Philbert. Fly safe.”

“I will.”

“Watch out for trees.”

“I learned my lesson.”

“After only one time? Very impressive, Philbert.”

“I am impressive.”

“You are.”

“What’s impressive mean?”

“I’d look it up but you are standing on my dictionary.”

“Sorry.”

“It means admirable.”

“Like admirable of a fleet? Cool.”

“That’s admiral. It would be admirable to be an admiral, though.”

“It’s time for me to go, Mr. Sullivan.”

“You said so a moment ago.”

“That rhymes.”

“Whuup? Is that your mom I heard calling?”

“I didn’t hear anything.”

“Falcons are known for their eyesight. Not so much their hearing.”

“I don’t see her.”

“I’m pretty sure I heard her.”

“You’re hearing isn’t that great, either, Mr. Sullivan.”

“It’s good enough to hear your mother. You better get home.”

“Can I borrow that pencil?”

“This one? Sure. What for?”

“I’m going to drop it on the ground and pretend it’s a snake I’m trying to catch.”

“Cool. I’ll see you later, Philbert.”

“Bye, Mr. Sullivan. See you tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?”

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8. An interview with Philbert


“Thanks for stopping by, Philbert.”

“Am I late?”

“No, Philbert. You’re right on time.”

“I tried to leave early enough to get here early. I wanted to be early.”

“You’re right on time.”

“But not early. Darn.”

“It’s okay, Philbert….Can I ask you a few questions?”

“Sure. Like how does it feel to be flying finally?”

“Um, yeah. That’ll do.”

“Great. What else?”

“You want to get back to flying, huh?”

“I just started, you know. “

“I know. I read about it. Sounded scary.”

“It was, for a second…Maybe two seconds. Then it was like WHOOSH! and WHEWWWW and WHOAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

“I see you’ve got your hats back on…”

“…and boots…”

“…and sweater…”

“…and pants…I walked over.”

“You didn’t fly?”

“I don’t want to get TOO excited about flying again. It hurt.”

“Trees’ll do that to you. You don’t have to fly into them.”

“I’m a bird. I have to fly into them. It’s where I live.”

“Right.”

“Just not INTO them.”

“Of course.”

“Mom said I should practice while she’s around. She’s not here, so I didn’t fly. I walked.”

“You said so.”

“Soon, after a bit more practice I’ll be able to fly everywhere.”

“Where is it you want to go to most?”

“Home.”

“Home?”

“Yeah. So I can practice some more.”

“Oh. Okay, Philbert. I won’t hold you here much longer. Thanks for stopping by.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Safe flying.”

“I’m not flying home. I’m walking. I told you that.”

“Of course. Safe walking home…and then safe flying later with your mom there.”

“Thanks. See ya!”

“Bye, Philbert. Be careful.”

“Always, Mr. Sullivan. Always.”

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9. ..and then there was light…


Is it silly to be this excited about creating a web presence? Dreams. Dreams. Dreams. Depending on how far this site can go, I plan to include some professionally done readings of my children’s work – stories and poems. Be fun to check out the video possibilities as well. We’ll see.

Write on!

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