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The official blog for once upon a time there was a little girl by Marcella Shields
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1. HARVESTING HOPE IN A VIOLENT WORLD

A few days ago, while searching for the last green beans on the vines in our garden, the importance of the act of harvesting occurred to me. Some of the older beans were large and would not be as delicious to eat. They had missed being picked earlier because they were hidden among the leaves of the vine. Other beans were young and still very small. But as a “killing frost” was expected any day, I harvested the young ones as well. While I was contemplating my little cup of beans, I became aware that each bean carried the seeds for a future blossoming vine. When I came in from the garden, I looked up the meaning of “harvest” and “harvesting.” According to my internet search, the harvest is “the time when you reap what you sow” or “claim the consequences of an effort or activity.” I recalled my experience of last year’s failed bean crop, because the seeds I planted were too old to germinate in the soil. I discovered, the hard way, the importance of live seeds for the promise of a fruitful harvest.

On the shelf in my study, I found a copy of Thomas Merton’s book Seeds of Destruction.  Published half a century ago in 1964, the seeds deadly to peace in our world remain the same: the insatiable drive for power, prestige and possessions throughout our world. James O’Dea in his book Cultivating Peace (2012) challenges those of us seeking to be peace makers to cultivate compassion in our own lives, while recognizing that “peace work is not about winning…it is about mastering one’s need to be the winner.”

Where can we find live seeds of hope for a world in which peace is possible? What old seeds do we need to discard, old ways of thinking, feeling and responding that we need to let go of? What new live seeds of hope do we need to plant lest we be caught in despair?


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2. The Slavery of Our Time

As I reflected on my experience at the 58th session of the UN Commission on the Status of Women, which closed at the end of March, 2014, I was overwhelmed by all I had learned. My attempts to write a blog about my experience were overshadowed by the immensity of what I had seen  and heard. I was stuck trying to decide where to begin. Then, this week, it occurred to me that I would have to post a series of blogs to begin to tap into the reality of the lives of women and girls throughout our world. I could not do so in two paragraphs. And so, I decided to begin with my awakening to the extensiveness of a rising form of slavery in our global world.

This year is the 150th anniversary of the abolition of slavery in the United States and the 50th anniversary of the passage of the Civil Rights Act, both significant events in American history. I remember the summer of 1964, when I was completing a graduate course at the University of Tennessee in Memphis. As a northerner from New York City, I was shocked to discover the many residuals from the days of Negro slavery that still existed in the city of Memphis, one hundred years after the US Emancipation Proclamation. And then this year at the CSW, I was again shocked at learning the extent of sex trafficking of women and girls connected to major sporting events, not just abroad, but in my own home town of New York!  My experience at the CSW awakened me to the enormous reality of sexual trafficking of women and girls, as well as children as young as age five, throughout the world. Some estimates indicate that 21 million people are currently victims of human greed. Promised money for their families or a chance to start a new life in another country, many of those vulnerable women and children believe the promises and are sold into slavery, from which there is no escape but death. 

Many Nongovernmental agencies at the UN are bringing the extent and dark violence of this 21st Century slavery into the light. Our nineteen year old granddaughter will be working in Cambodia this summer in a shelter for children at risk for trafficking. I know she will return home with a new heart. .As I write this, the words of a poem I recently discovered by Mary Oliver came to me:       

                                I tell you this

                                to break your heart,

                                by which I mean only

                                that it would break open and never close again

                                to the rest of the world.  

                                (New and Selected Poems,  Vol.2)

As we celebrate Mother’s Day, may our hearts break open to the mothers and children throughout the world who have lost their lives to slavery and “never close again” to mothers and children everywhere.


1 Comments on The Slavery of Our Time, last added: 5/13/2014
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3. November…The Time In Between

In the past, November was a time of remembered loss and sadness for me. I associated the change in the weather with the trauma of emergency surgery when I was three years old. Then, four years ago, we lost our daughter in the month of November. What touches my spirit most is the gradual loss of daylight and the increasing hours of darkness! Now, as I sweep the leaves from the porch onto the soil below, I remember that each leaf is fulfilling its destiny to nourish the soil for the return of spring
Our neighbor’s six year old granddaughter taught me an important November lesson. As she helped her grandfather gather the fallen leaves, she picked up each one and looked at it reverently before she placed it gently in the leaf bag. She reminded me of the precious beauty of each leaf, now about to be reduced to mulch as nourishment for what is waiting in the soil
As I covered the tulip bulbs planted in our daughter’s memorial garden with a blanket of leaves, I did so with a new reverence. May the old losses find their way to the breakthrough into new life… each leaf precious, each life precious for the life to follow. Each leaf sacred, returning whatever it has left to the tree that it served so long—bringing what was needed from the sun to nourish the tree and transforming what could be poisonous (carbon dioxide) to oxygenated air for the life around it.
Every leaf precious, every life precious for the life that is to come!
I remember Wendell Berry’s words: “…in quiet heart and in eye clear. What (I) need is here!”
For this, I am grateful, this Thanksgiving Day!


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4. When Will We Ever Learn?

For me, October is always a special time of celebrating life. My father and four of our grandchildren were born in October. In addition, it is also the month in which Grandparent’s Day is honored in many parts of the world.
October 24th, was the 68th anniversary of the ratification of the Charter of the United Nations, which has as its core a commitment: “to keep peace throughout the world; to develop friendly relations among nations; to help nations work together to improve the lives of poor people, to conquer hunger, disease and illiteracy, and to encourage respect for each other’s rights and freedoms.”
According to a recently publicized Amnesty International Study, this October is also the first anniversary of the death of a 68 year old Pakistani grandmother struck down by an American missile (drone) as she picked vegetables in a field with her grandchildren, who were also injured!
As I ponder the 68 year commitment of the United Nations and the 68 years of the grandmother’s life, I am overcome with disbelief and grief! Not just for the grandmother, but also for her grandchildren, who witnessed her being blown apart in their garden and who were also injured in body and spirit. How are they to ever believe that they are safe anywhere in this world?
One of the performances this past year at the Children’s Peace Theatre in Toronto (which Eldon and I helped co-found in the year 2000) bore the title: “If Violence is the Answer, We Have Asked the Wrong Question!”
In my grief, as I read the story of the Pakistani grandmother, Mamana Bibi, the refrain from a 1960’s song from my youth came back to me: “WHEN WILL WE EVER LEARN?”


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5. Mother’s Day: “Arise All Women Who Have Hearts…”

I will always remember a poignant story my father shared about his boyhood years in conflict torn Ireland. One morning, my grandmother took him by the hand and brought him to the backfield of their farm where a young man lay dead after a battle with British soldiers. She said to my father: Do you see this young man? No mother should ever have to endure this pain! Julia Ward Howe, who initiated a Mother’s Day Proclamation in 1872, agreed with my grandmother. Julia realized her dream of establishing an international Mother’s Day for Peace to focus on the urgent need for a nonviolent resolution of conflict and war. She wrote: “Arise all women who have hearts…. Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience. We women of one country will be too tender of those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs”. To reach women across the world, Julia had the proclamation translated into five languages. For the following thirty years, Mother’s Day for Peace was celebrated on June 2. It was changed in 1913 by the US Congress to the second Sunday in May and the words “for Peace” were dropped!
As mothers and women everywhere the time has come to reclaim the purpose for which Mother’s Day was founded more than 140 years ago. How can we respond now to Julia’s urgent challenge to “address the means whereby the great human family can live in peace?”
What if each of us asked not to be given flowers this Mother’s Day (as the Florist Review was once quoted as declaring Mother’s Day a holiday to be exploited!) Instead, how about asking for the gift of a contribution in our name to a group or organization that supports peace in our world? (I am asking for the Mother’s Day gift of a donation to the Children’s Peace Theatre in Toronto). What about you? What groups or organizations would you recommend? What other ideas do you have for women “who have hearts” to “arise” and restore Mother’s Day to once again be Mother’s Day for Peace? I know that Julia and my grandmother will be pleased!


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6. September 11, 2012: Celebrating Courage

The root of the word “courage” is “coeur”, which translated means “heart.” To act with courage basically means to respond with heart. Today, we celebrate the courage of thousands of men and women: firefighters, police, and many others who responded with heart to save the lives of those trapped in the collapsing World Trade Center buildings. What is this deep instinct in us that fires our hearts to save the lives of others in danger? Is it some deep conviction that life is a precious gift? Is it an acknowledgement rooted in compassion—the realization that we are all one in the One, who we call God, Allah, Yahweh, or the Principle of Being? How is it then that throughout our world we still kill one another in the name of that same God? What has so “hardened our hearts,” the same hearts that are the birthing place of courage and compassion? Today, we celebrate courage, especially the courage of those who gave their lives that others might live. What commitment can I personally make today to nourish and sustain life around me and to refuse to be caught in the vortex of violence in my own life? Perhaps, that is the greatest tribute I can pay to those who gave their lives for others eleven years ago.


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7. March 8, International Women’s Day: Breaking Through Obstacles to Justice

Last week, I had the privilege of being part of the 56th Session of the UN Commission on the Status of Women, at the UN headquarters in New York City. Thousands of women and girls (and some men and boys) gathered to explore the obstacles to achieving full human rights for women and girls, particularly those in rural areas of the world. The day before the formal opening of the Commission, thousands of people representing Non-Governmental Organizations (NGO’s) met to begin networking with one another. Nobel Peace Prize Laureate, Leymah Gbowee, shared her experience of breaking through the barriers to peace in her home country of Liberia. Her courage in gathering women of different religious faiths to stand with her, and demand peace and justice for their people set the tone for a week of sharing stories: successes and failures in the pursuit of justice for women and girls throughout the world. This morning, women and girls, and some courageous men and boys, assembled at the corner of East 42nd Street and First Avenue to march under the banner of Global Women for Equality, Development and Peace. I experienced feelings of regret that I was not able to join them, and then I noticed something surprising in my garden. Hundreds of snow drops had worked their way through ice, snow and layers of leaves to hold their heads high in the morning sun! My mother, a strong advocate for women’s rights, planted them more than forty years ago. Since then they have multiplied, finding their way across the garden, beyond where they were originally planted.  This morning, they appeared triumphant in their determination to break through to their early blooming and announce their triumph over what otherwise would appear to be insurmountable for so small and apparently delicate a plant!  I cried and then laughed as I thought of the hundreds of women and girls marching in New York City today and across the world, in remembrance of International Women’s Day. Their  commitment and determination to triumph over what may seem to be insurmountable obstacles to bring about justice for women everywhere, evident as they raised their faces to the morning sun.


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8. Afraid of the Dark: Waiting for the Light

As the days get shorter and the nights longer, I am aware of some deep primitive part of myself that longs for the light to return. My Irish ancestors built a giant mound on the River Boyne oriented to the return of the sun. I visited there twice, each time overwhelmed by their dedication and engineering skills in capturing the first light of sunrise on the morning of the winter solstice. Through a small opening over the entrance, the sun’s rays travel through the vast domed structure to light up a triple spiral etched on the far wall. There are various interpretations of the meaning of the spiral, some of them referring to the release of the dead whose ashes were buried there. I visited the remains of a similar monument to the return of the sun in Machu Pichu, Peru. The two winter celebrations of Christmas and Hanukkah are about the return of the Light that will never go out. But why are we so afraid of the dark? Several nights ago at the time of the new (dark) moon, I looked out to see the sky full of millions of stars falling over the horizon. They were so low in the sky that they appeared to be hanging in the evergreens like Christmas trees lights. It occurred to me that, although I know the stars are there, I can’t see them when the moon is bright and lighting the sky. The breath-taking beauty of the planets and stars of the winter sky can only be seen in the dark. As I looked up at the sky through the roof windows, I realized that when I am afraid of the dark, this is the beauty I never see! Letting go of the fear of the dark is also about letting go of the fear of the unknown and the fear of death, which will come in time to each of us. Recently, a friend sent me a copy of a poem by Mary Oliver titled: Messenger, which spoke to my fear of the dark and my limited lifespan: “Am I no longer young and still not half-perfect? Let me keep my mind on what matters, which is my work, which is mostly standing still and learning to be astonished.” In this season of celebrating the Light, may we be astonished by the beauty waiting for us in the dark places we have yet to discover.


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9. September 11: “And a Little Child Shall Lead them…”

On the tenth anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center in New York, all of the memories of that day come back to me as if they happened yesterday. I was getting ready to go to my office when I heard a knock on the door. One of the members of our Centre community had just called with the news that a plane had hit one of the buildings of the World Trade Center in New York. Sixteen children from our Children’s Peace Theatre had just left Toronto on a train to New York City. They were scheduled to perform the next day at the United Nations opening ceremonies for the Decade of Peace for Children of the World. I was to fly out that evening and meet them there. The Centre Administrator was concerned about what she should tell the children’s parents if they heard the news and called. As a native New Yorker, I naively responded: “Tell them not to worry, the children will be safe. The United Nations building is uptown and not near the World Trade Center.” For reassurance I added: “Anyway, no plane could accidently hit the tower, as there is plenty of space around it. It must be a terrorist act, but don’t worry the New York City Police and Fire Department are trained to deal with terrorist actions.” Little did I know!
Then one after another as my psychotherapy clients came in for their sessions, I heard the rest of the story. By the time I learned of the collapse of the second tower and then news of the plane that went down in Western Pennsylvania, I was overcome with grief and fear. Where were our children? All attempts to reach the group by cell phone failed. Just before they were stopped at the US-Canadian border, we were able to make contact with the Artistic Director and tell him what had happened. He found a school bus driver who was willing to drive the children and their guides back to our Centre in Toronto. They invited other stranded passengers, including several Muslim men in turbans, to go back with them on the bus. Although the children were disappointed that they could not go on to New York to perform at the UN, their first reaction was shock. One of the little Muslim girls in our Children’s Peace Theatre said: “If only they had waited and listened to the children, maybe they would not have done this!”
We asked permission of the children’s parents and school to have the children come to the Centre for de-briefing that week, as they were already scheduled to be away. The next day, after a morning session helping the children express their reactions to what had happened, we gave them a break. After a brief time outside, they came in all excited and invited all of the adults outdoors. They had gathered long branches from the woods, which they made into a teepee-shaped Prayer Hut. Each child led an adult by the hand into the hut, which required that we bend very low to enter. Once inside, Muslim, Christian and Jewish children prayed for peace and asked each adult to do the same. Then they led us down a hill to a large stone. They asked us to lay our hands on the stone and let go of our anger toward those who had destroyed the towers and to pray for forgiveness and peace for our world. One young girl exclaimed: “Look at our hands, they are all different colors!” That day, the children’s beautiful ritual of forgiveness was the first step in my own healing process. Today, although I am far away from that stone in the woods, I will lay my hand upon a stone and pray once again for the gift of forgiveness and peace for our world.


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10. Life in the Cracks

The sidewalk had cracked so that the way was rough and I had to watch my step. I had been reflecting on the third path of the spiritual journey called “breakthrough and birthing” according to translations of the work of Meister Eckhart (a fourteenth century mystic). And then, because I was forced to look down or possibly lose my balance, I saw them: wildflowers with perfect miniature blooms of deep rose and shades of yellow and gold growing in the cracks of the sidewalk! They had been nourished by the chaff from the mowed lawn on either side of the path. What appeared insignificant and of no value had blown onto the path and provided the nourishment for life in the cracks. Here was the breakthrough and the birthing! New life in the place where what was so well planned had been broken open. The cracks in the pavement appeared random, probably resulting from the upheaval of ice and frost from an exceptionally cold winter and then heavy spring rains that shifted the earth beneath the well laid path.
The night before, I had re-read Annie Dillard’s book Pilgrim at Tinker Creek. I recalled the image of her experience when she saw the trees lit up by the sun: “It was less like seeing than like being for the first time seen, knocked breathless by a powerful glance…. I had been my whole life a bell and never knew it, until at that moment I was lifted and struck.” (1974, 1998, p.36) I too felt like I had been lifted and struck when I looked down and saw the abundance and beauty of life in the cracks! The music that vibrated in my soul was a confirmation of the resilience of life.
Unplanned upheavals in life can bring us unexpected gifts—often too tiny to see unless we bend down and are willing to be surprised. How many cracks (and crevasses) on my life path have forced me to stop and look down: my own diagnosis of cancer; losing our beautiful daughter. As Wendell Berry so poetically petitions: “pray not for a new earth or heaven” for smooth paths without upheavals, because “all we need is here” in the cracks, reminders of the gracious gift of life this day, if we only have the courage to stop, stoop down and look closely.


1 Comments on Life in the Cracks, last added: 7/15/2011
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11. The Stretch Marks of Motherhood

I received several surprising and interesting comments in response to my March blog: What Do Women Really Want? Three of the comments referred to different ways to remove stretch marks after pregnancy. Evidently the blog title tapped into a need to restore a woman’s body to a pre-pregnancy stage. After reading the responses, I began thinking about the stretch marks of motherhood beyond the physical effects on women’s bodies. I now know what it means to give whatever it takes to support and protect my children. I became aware of how children, no matter what their age, can stretch our hearts and minds. Then the question arose in me: What do I know about myself now that I didn’t appreciate before I became a mother? I know now that there is no such thing as “sacrifice” when you love someone! Motherhood has a way of blurring the lines between what appear to be opposites: fear/courage, anger/love; embracing/letting go. The struggle that we mothers face is keeping the balance between being stretched and stressed, as the first expands our lives and the other constricts us!

When children leave home many women are faced with the question: Who am I, if I am not a mother? Often the potential energy for creativity emerges for which motherhood has stretched us as women. The strands of the “empty nest” can then be woven into a work of art!

How has the stretching of motherhood expanded your sense of yourself as a woman? What do you know about yourself now that you didn’t appreciate before you became a mother? What wisdom are you willing to share with new mothers on their first Mother’s Day?


4 Comments on The Stretch Marks of Motherhood, last added: 5/23/2011
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12. “WHAT DO WOMEN REALLY WANT…?”

March is the month of honoring women around the world. It marks the celebration of International Women’s Day and the convening at the United Nations of the Commission on the Status of Women. The purpose of the Commission is to explore successes and failures in “the global effort to ensure gender equality and women’s empowerment.”
Decades ago, Freud raised the question: “What do women really want?” (He apparently never found the answer.) However, he was not the first man to be challenged by the question. In the tales of Camelot, King Arthur life was threatened by his enemy Sir Gromer if he could not answer the question: “What do women desire above all else?” King Arthur was convinced that “it must be a foolish riddle that no one can answer!” Luckily for Arthur, his nephew Gawain took on the challenge of finding the answer and saving his uncle’s life. However, in order to do so he had to agree to marry the ugly hag, Ragnell (who it turned out, of course, was a beautiful maiden under a curse). The curse could only be lifted when Gawain not only discovered but also lived the answer to the question. And what was the answer that saved Arthur’s life and released Ragnell from the curse? It was one that all women and girls throughout the world know: “What a woman desires above all else is the power of sovereignty, the right to exercise her own will and make choices for her life.”
Each of the seven women whose stories are told in Once Upon a Time There Was a Little Girl had to face the reality of the early loss of her personal power and reclaim her right to make choices for her own life. We are not empowered if we are living out someone else’s goals or will for us. As a woman how do you honestly assess the areas of your life where you may be caught in living out what others determine to be “good for you?” As a man, how do you encourage the women in your life to declare their own desires and make healthy decisions for themselves?
Unless each of us as women (and men) honestly addresses the reality of our own empowerment, global initiatives will never be realized.


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13. When Will We Ever Learn…?

January 2011 begins the second decade of the 21st century. It also marks the end of the UN Decade of a Culture of Peace for Children of the World, which began in the year 2000. That year was also the beginning of the Childrens Peace Theatre in Toronto.

One morning in early spring of 2000, I awoke from a dream in which I saw children in the lower great hall of our Centre getting ready for a performance. When I asked the children (in the dream) who they were and what they were doing, they told me they were part of the Childrens Peace Theatre. When I awoke I knew that I had to make the dream a reality. I begged money to begin the project and through the generosity of many graduates of the Compassionate Leadership Program and the Loretto Community of Nerinx, Kentucky, the Childrens Peace Theatre had its first public performance in July of 2000. Many of the children were new immigrants. Some had experienced the ravages of war including the loss of their homes and members of their family. Even though English was not their first language, the medium of theatre gave the children a chance to express the urgency for peace. The theme of their first performance was: Peace is Possible!

The following year on September 11, 2001, a group of children from the Childrens Peace Theatre were on their way to the United Nations to perform at the opening celebration of the Decade of a Culture of Peace for Children of the World. Their train was stopped at the US-Canadian border. The children were in shock when they learned what had happened. One of the children, a young Muslim girl, said with tears “if only they had waited and listened to the children perhaps they would not have done this!”

At the beginning of the second decade of the 21st century, children all over the world continue to be killed, maimed, and traumatized by the ravages of war and armed conflict. As a global community, we have not kept our promise to our children to develop a culture of peace in which they can safely find their place in the world.

Recently, I was with my two sisters singing songs from our youth. The song that struck my heart and brought me tears has as its refrain: When will we ever learn…?

I congratulate Karen Emerson and her staff on the tenth anniversary of the Childrens Peace Theatre of Toronto for their continued dedication to bringing the voice of children and youth to the plea for peace in our communities and our world. For further information and ways to support the work of our children see: www.peacetheatre.org


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14. November Gifts From the Sea
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By: marcellahshields, on 11/27/2010
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November has always been an “in-between” month for me. The reds and gold of autumn departed and the bright cold blues and whites of winter not yet arrived __ a time of waiting and emptiness. This year, November held special feelings of loss and sadness. It was the first anniversary of our beautiful daughter’s death. We went to the sea, a place that has always been a source of healing for us, to mourn our loss. For seven days, we watched the sun rise and then set over the Atlantic, taking each precious moment of the day to walk another of the long beaches of the Cape Cod peninsula. Most of our time was spent in silence, open to the coastal winds blending their salt spray with our tears, bending down every so often to collect a shell brought in by the morning tide. As I picked up each one (to be sure it no longer had an occupant) I realized that shells are beautiful empty dwellings, unique remembrances of a life once lived. On a cold November windy day, their presence, just waiting to be seen before they were ground back into the sandy beach, consoled me.

I remembered the book Gift From the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. A copy is in a basket in our guest room along with shells I gathered from all over the world. When I returned home, I added my November Cape Cod shells to the basket and re-read the book. Anne also lost a beloved child in a sudden violent death, her grief never able to be fully understood by those closest to her. She wrote: “Patience, patience, patience is what the sea teaches… patience and faith…One should lie empty, open, choice-less as a beach__ waiting for a gift from the sea…. Perhaps this is the most important thing to take back from beach living: simply the memory that each cycle of the tide is valid; each cycle of the wave is valid. And my shells… remind me that the sea recedes and returns eternally.” (1971, 12,110)

For parents everywhere who have lost their children to sudden death, may you also find consolation in your grief from life’s simple gifts!


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15. Celebrating the Grand in Grandparents
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By: marcellahshields, on 9/30/2010
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A time set aside to honor grandparents each year occurs in the autumn months of September and October in many parts of the world, including the U.S., Canada, England, Scotland, Wales, Italy, and Estonia. The Italians celebrate Grandparents Day on the feast of the Guardian Angels, a most appropriate connection between grandparents and their grandchildren!

Autumn seems a suitable time to honor grandparents as they are usually in the harvest phase of their lives, a time of reaping and sharing the fruits of their labors, and then letting go of the past in preparation for the winter of their lives. In contrast, Mother and Father’s Day in most parts of the world are appropriately celebrated in springtime, when new life is emerging and the joys of summer are approaching. Although Mother and Father’s Day celebrations have a widespread commercial response, I only noticed one greeting card on the rack for Grandparent’s Day. I wondered why, until I reminded myself that every day could be grand for a grandparent!

It has puzzled me for some time that we add the prefix “grand” to the parents of our parents and even “great” to the grandparents of our parents. I never knew my grandparents. They died in Ireland when I was young. I remember the day the letter arrived with the news that my grandmother Bridget had died, it was the first time I saw my father cry. A picture of my grandparents was on the mantelpiece of our home all the years I was growing up. I felt sad that I never had the opportunity to meet them. My one consolation and connection was in receiving my great-great grandmother’s name when I was born (it was also my grandmother’s and mother’s name).

I discovered what the “grand” was about when I became a grandmother. I delighted in the fact that each of our daughter’s children also had the prefix “grand” added to their names. They became granddaughters and grandsons! As a grandmother my delight is in being present to my grandchildren, witnessing them claiming their own lives, encouraging them to honor their own unique gifts and follow their dreams. I have delighted in teaching my granddaughters to sew little outfits for their dolls and stuffed animals. If anything needs sewing they now say: “Grandma will fix it.” At their last visit, our grandchildren gave us a plaque for the entry hall of our home. It reads: “ Grandma and Grandpa’s house, the place where memories are made.”

Of the seven women who shared their life stories in Once Upon a Time There Was a Little Girl, five remembered their grandmothers as a positive person in their early life. What has been your experience of your grandparents? If you are a grandparent, what has been “grand” about your own experience? What do you believe is the most important message a grandparent can give his/her grandchildren? What words of wisdom do you have for new grandparents or grandparents-to-be?


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16. One Hundred Years of Honoring Fathers
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By: marcellahshields, on 6/14/2010
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In 1910, a young woman named Sonora Louise Smart Dodd began a yearly celebration for fathers. She wanted to honor her own father, William Jackson Smart who, following her mother’s death in childbirth, raised an infant and five other children as a single parent. Sonora described her father as a courageous, selfless, and loving man. Because his birthday was in June, she organized the first father’s day celebration in Spokane, Washington, on June 19th one hundred years ago this week.

As I look back on the memories I have of my own father, Edward Hannon, what I remember most is his generous and loving heart, his marvelous sense of humor, his deep faith and clear convictions, his commitment to his work, and his unconditional love for his family. My father never had the opportunity to read the work of Hafiz or Henry David Thoreau, but their words were his message to me: “Always trust what your heart knows” (Hafiz) and “go confidently in the direction of your dreams; live the life you’ve imagined” (Thoreau). Do you remember a message from your father that you would be willing to share?

If you are among those being celebrated this Father’s Day, what do you most value about being a father? Given your experience, what would you tell a new father or father-to-be now? There is no wisdom like lived-wisdom!


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17. Compassion on the M15
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By: marcellahshields, on 5/22/2010
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A few days after the aborted car bombing in Times Square, New York City, I was taking the M15 bus back to a friend’s home on the lower East Side. I had just experienced a long and tiring day at the Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty Review Conference at the United Nations, where the fate of the world was being discussed. As I sat on the rattling seat over the front wheel of the bus, reflecting on what I had learned that day, I began to notice the other passengers. I was very moved by the kindness they showed to one another, despite the crush of the rush hour. Although New York City passengers are generally courteous to those who are infirm, this was unusual. One after the other, passengers offered their seats to those boarding the crowded bus, even though it was evident that standing was not comfortable for them. Many were older, seemed weary, and in some case even infirm. When the person to whom the seat was offered protested, the one offering said: “I only have a few stops to go.”

Many of the regular evening riders on the bus (myself included) were only a block from Times Square the day of the aborted bombing. Is it possible that being reminded of the fragility of life strikes at the core of our realization of our oneness with one another? Kindness is the external expression of compassion, the felt union with another, whose pain is our pain, and whose joy is our joy.

Just after I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and tasted the fragility of my own life, a friend sent me a copy of a poem by Naomi Shihab Nye entitled Kindness:
“Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things [like the possibility of your life being taken]
feel the future dissolve in a moment…
Then it is…
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
it is I you have been looking for…”

May all of us who have “only a few stops to go” leave the treasure of kindness and the beauty of compassion to those continuing their journeys on the M15.


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18. The Light Shines in the Darkness: the Power of Story
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By: marcellahshields, on 12/15/2009
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Why do we need stories? Why do we need to retell stories- to read and write stories? Particularly in times of darkness stories give us glimpses of the light of hope and the promise of peace. (Is this perhaps the origin of the bedtime story?) Through stories, we reconnect ourselves, and our own story to the larger story of the Universe (the One Word). We are not alone because we are part of the story, our ‘little’ story connects to the Great Story, or the Great Work, as the eco-theologian Thomas Berry referred to it. As part of the story of the Universe, we either contribute to its creative unfolding or to its destruction.

This month, two very significant events related to the story of the Universe are occurring on opposite sides of the globe: the International Conference on Climate Change in Denmark, and the Parliament of the World Religions in Australia. The light is going out for the survival of our planet-home because of our greedy consumption of fossil fuels and the destruction of our forests and oceans. Those who profess differing religious beliefs in the God of the Universe declare war and slaughter those who do not share their beliefs. We are lost in the dark night of isolation from our planet earth and one another.

In the midst of this chaos, also this month, Christians are lighting Christmas trees and retelling the story of the humble birth of the Prince of Peace. Jewish people are celebrating Hanukkah, acknowledging that the light will never go out for those who have faith. Yet wars continue to be declared in the name of the same God and the destruction of our earth home and its creatures continue in the name of the Deity of Progress.

Thomas Berry, whose life story here ended last summer, invited us more than twenty years ago to begin the New Story, a story of peace and harmony with all of creation, a story still struggling to be articulated in our world. Stories heal because they give us an opportunity to enter the scene and engage in the narrative that unfolds. How can each of us discover and give voice to the New Story, before it is too late to share it with our children?

Perhaps we should ask them how to begin! “Once upon a time…there were people of courage who believed that peace was possible….

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19. Keeping Our Promises to Our Children
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By: marcellahshields, on 12/15/2009
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The year 2010 marks the end of the UN declared Decade of Peace for Children of the World. The opening ceremonies for this special decade were scheduled for September 12, 2001 at the United Nations Headquarters in New York City. The fiery collapse of the World Trade Center left thousands of children from all over the world, who had gathered for the celebration, in shock. Sixteen children from our Childrens Peace Theatre in Toronto were on their way to New York to perform for the opening ceremonies when their train was stopped at the Canadian-US border with the news of the tragedy. They were stunned! How could this happen when the world was about to celebrate a commitment to work for peace for all children of the world? One of the young Muslim girls who was part of our Childrens Peace Theatre said with tears: “ If only they waited and heard the children, then maybe they would not have done this!”

Last year, September 12, 2008 marked another collapse— the demise of an economic empire that has also had wide repercussions for the children of our world. At this time of year when many children are returning to school after the summer holidays, a growing number are dealing with the loss of their homes, their friends, and their schools. For the more than one million children who are homeless and those who have had to move because of economic turmoil in their families, it is a time of loss and uncertainty. The stresses of violence and security have a profound effect on the child’s ability to learn. A secure base from which children can feel safe to explore the world and develop new interests and skills is essential for learning.

How can we keep our promises to our children? John Bowlby in his report to the World Health Organization after World War II when children throughout the world were traumatized by violence and poverty: “ If a community values its children it must cherish their parents.”

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20. Moving Out of Neverland
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By: marcellahshields, on 7/24/2009
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Fairy tales and other timeless stories can act as the opening script to bring us onto the stage to explore our own life story. These tales give us glimpses into life and can open us up to explore new possibilities and choices, especially in the face of what appear to be the insurmountable obstacles of life. They are not, however, intended to be substitutes for our own life story. Otherwise, we may find ourselves living “on stage” and not able to come down onto the ground of our human existence. The title “star” is an example of the out-of-this-world quality that we attribute to others on whom we project greatness. To be a “great” performer involves carrying the projection of “greatness” for those for whom we are performing, acting out their dreams of greatness (or even despair). The performer always has to wear the persona or mask that is assigned to him or her. Michael Jackson carried that mask, sometimes literally masking his own face, which he once reported that others considered ugly. He lived in a fairy tale retreat called Neverland in which it appears he tried desperately to find peace and, instead, was haunted by accusations and lawsuits. Neverland was the imaginary home of Peter Pan and the “lost boys” of J.M. Barrie’s tale. In the story of Peter Pan, Wendy Darling, a child herself, is asked by Peter and the other “lost boys” to be the mother they had lost in infancy. Peter reports that he fell out of his pram and his mother never found him. He flies from place to place refusing to grow up. In fact, he wants Wendy to mother him so that he doesn’t have to grow up! Women like Wendy, who come back down to earth in order to be more than pretend mothers, are at risk of partnering with “puers,” little boy/men who refuse to grow up. Such men often withdraw from their responsibilities as fathers leaving the women living like widow-mothers.
Fairy tales have important messages for us about how to survive and ultimately triumph over suffering and deprivation. But, they are not meant to be lived out as if they are all we need to live fully human lives. There is no Prince out there (or Wendy Darling) to save our “abandoned” little boy or girl. We are intended to claim our own true personal power as men and women and move out of never-land into now-land.

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21. Beyond Abuse: Reclaiming Personal Power
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By: marcellahshields, on 3/16/2009
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This month we celebrated International Women’s Day and the UN Commission on the Elimination of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) met at the UN headquarters in New York City. The purpose of the Commission is to monitor gender equality and to bring attention to the abuse of women and girls throughout the world. This month also brought extensive news coverage of the physical abuse of the young singer, Rihanna, by her rapper boyfriend Cris Brown. According to the news reports, Rihanna returned to her boyfriend after a severe and life threatening beating, reported as not the first incident of physical abuse she had endured from Brown. We can ask ourselves why a successful, beautiful, and talented young woman (named after the powerful Horse Goddess-Queen of Celtic lore) would subject herself over and over to physical abuse, which is generally accompanied by emotional abuse? Why do women throughout the world return again and again to abusive relationships, from which they appear powerless to escape? For some it may be financial security for themselves and their children, others may experience regret for what they perceive to be their part in the incident or even blame themselves for the abuse. Some abusers are required by the court to attend anger management groups (which Cris Brown reportedly volunteered to do). However domestic violence is not about anger, it is about the perception that one must have power over the other in the relationship. Then we might ask: where does this perception of having to have power over another come from? While there may be many approaches to addressing this question, one source is our early survival conclusions, the decisions we come to very young about how we are going to survive in an uncertain world, the strategies we develop as children in order to stay safe. Generally these conclusions become set by the time we are ages seven to nine. We continue to live our life as if they are true unless we uncover and acknowledge their power over us. Until we become conscious of them they continue to influence our adult life choices. If I believe that I must dominate in order to be safe, I will make choices that confirm my position of dominance. On the other hand, if I came to the conclusion early that I cannot trust myself and need others to survive, I may stay in an abusive relationship because I believe I have no choice in order to survive. For the abuser and the abused the challenge is to claim their own personal power and let go of their perceptions of their need for dominance, or submission. How do we encourage both the Cris Brown’s and Rihanna’s of our world to reclaim their true personal power and make the conscious choices to move beyond their early survival conclusions and set themselves free?
The seven women whose stories are shared in Once Upon a Time There Was a Little Girl struggled to rediscover their own survival conclusions and then make the conscious choices necessary to reclaim their true personal power, which freed them to live a creative and meaningful life.

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22. New titles for mother
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By: marcellahshields, on 2/3/2009
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There are two new titles associated with the office of the US Presidency. First Lady Michelle Obama has described herself first and foremost as Mom-in-Chief. Her mother, Marian Robinson, now carries the title of First Grammy. What a powerful message these two women are sending to a watching world! The dilemmas facing women who are mothers of young children and also carry additional leadership responsibilities outside their homes are growing daily. The increasing role of women who are mothers in the world of politics, corporate leadership, finance, and the professions are challenging women who want their children to be healthy and, at the same time, recognize the important leadership role they play in the world. Some might advocate for these women to abdicate their leadership positions for the sake of their children. If they chose not to or are not able to do so, how can these women provide their children with the consistent loving and intimate care they need to develop a healthy sense of self-worth and personal competence? The seven women whose stories are shared in Once Upon a Time There Was a Little Girl lost their mothers when they were young through death, or physical, or emotional abandonment. The trauma they experienced had serious consequences for them into their adult lives. The profound significance of healthy mothering is perhaps what led First Lady Michelle Obama to name herself as Mom-in-Chief and invite her own mother to be First Grammy. She has raised an issue that women leaders who are mothers struggle with daily.

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23. “…happily ever after” a promise or ploy?
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By: marcellahshields, on 1/21/2009
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What is there about fairy tales that continues to facinate us across cultures and time? Why do Sleeping Beauty, Rumplestilskin and Snow White stir up memories for us? In fairy tales we meet suffering and deprivation. The stories are certainly more about suffering and betrayal than happiness and light! The heroines or heroes are usually alone, facing a calamity that cannot be avoided, a threat that could cost their lives. Over and over, usually at least three times, they find their way through what appear to be insumountable obstacles to discover their personal power. No longer victims of fate or survivors of suffering, they are now victors, agents of their own destiny! Even if you are the one who is excluded, the dumbest, the ugliest, the most forsaken and abandoned, you can triumph. That is the promise of fairy tales. The happy ending, however, is just the beginning of the larger story of life. The heroine or hero has to go on beyond the ending of the tale. However, as Queen or King they now have sovereignty over their own lives, which is the only way we can “live happily ever after.” This is the promise each of the seven women discovered in Once Upon a Time There Was a Little Girl.

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24. Introducing: once upon a time there was a little girl
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By: marcellahshields, on 12/12/2008
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When young children experience a significant relational trauma before they have words to describe their loss, it becomes part of their “silent” biography. Providing the words for the drama of their loss, fairy tales present heroes/heroines who triumph over suffering, and what appear to be insurmountable obstacles, and live to “tell the tale”.
Once Upon a Time There Was a Little Girl is the story of the lives of seven women, who experienced the early loss of their mothers through death, physical or emotional abandonment, told through their responses to seven fairy tales in which there was no nurturing maternal presence.
The seven women who share the story of their lives here use these timeless tales of trauma as their opening script to go deeper into their own personal stories of loss and to gradually emerge from the dark forest of despair having reclaimed their own creative energy for life.
Their stories provide a source of encouragement and hope for women who have experienced early maternal loss. They offer a deeper understanding of the significance of the mother-daughter bond and of the devastating consequences for the daughter if this bond is ruptured early. And they present a creative psychotherapeutic approach for working with early primary relational trauma
Once Upon a Time, There Was a Little Girl is for:

Click here to buy the book now!

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