Started writing this play a while back and have been slowly - accent on the slowly - adding-to and tweaking the play over time. Recently gave it yet another read and after deep thought and concentration, have finally come to what I believe and hope to be, a good ending. Still not finished, yet, but I've been making progress, which in itself is a good omen. Sometimes omens are all we have to propel us along.
I've shared bits and pieces of it here before but here is the latest incarnation. The cast list will most likely grow slightly. I've adapted it for this blog but the cutting and pasting isn't ideal. Comments welcome.
The story: Sometimes lessons in life come at a cost especially when the cost involves sacrifice on behalf of another.
DEAD WRITES
By Eleanor Tylbor
CHARLOTTE PEMBROOK: 50-something; former reporter, deceased
JOSIAH: Heavenly "Spiritual Adviser - Disembodied Souls Division:
MIA STEVENSON: Ambitious young reporter
THE TIME
PRESENT DAY, MORNING
THE PLACE
Anywhere
SETTING: A funeral parlor
AT RISE: A group of people are seated in a funeral chapel, socializing for the most part, while waiting for the service to begin. A coffin is situated on an elevated stand in the middle of the room.
CHARLOTTE PEMBROOK, wearing a diaphanous flowing dress lays next to the coffin. Slowly she sits up, looks around in a confused, slightly stunned state. Touching her arms and body parts, she moves to an upright position and pulls at the material of her dress
FX: SOMBER MUSIC
Really must'a tied one on last night. Weird, though. No hang-over like usual.
Stands upright, moves closer to coffin, straining to see inside. A funeral organizer passes by without acknowledging her presence. She pokes him in the back, to no avail.
He ignores her, focusing on the coffin
Man continues to ignore her
A man, JOSIAH, enters and stands directly behind CHARLOTTE. Dressed entirely in white, he glitters from head to toe
JOSIAH
There's really no need to yell. I can provide you with that information
Startled, she whirls around to face him
You could give a person a heart attack sneaking up like that. And I thought I looked bad in this outfit? If you don’t mind me saying, sir, you look like a bad case of indigestion after eating too many Halloween candies. I've been trying to find out what's going on but the guy over there is ignoring me. Some people just don’t have any manners
JOSIAH
He can't hear you
CHARLOTTE
It’s not like me not to remember some details of the night before but my mind is a complete blank. Not even a few flashes. Nothing
JOSIAH
Not surprising. You’ll get used to it
CHARLOTTE
I get it now! This place is one of those new theme clubs and you're the bartender, right? Explains a lot especially the look. So – like - you doing Liberace? That would explain my dress, too. Go figure a funeral parlor would double as a club. So where’s the booze?
JOSIAH
The one thing I can assure you is that this is not a nightclub. You know…if you really want, Icould tell you who's in that coffin
CHARLOTTE
How would you know that unless… What’s wrong with me? Here's me going on about nothing and you're burying someone who means a lot to you. That’s it, isn’t it? Sometimes I'm so dense. My sympathies.
JOSIAH
You could say I’m related to that dead person. In fact - I'm close with most people that pass through
CHARLOTTE
You work here, then?
JOSIAH
In a way. Death is the human equalizer, don't you think? Everyone is on an equal plane no matter how important your life was or how much money you had or how much power you wielded
CHARLOTTE
I suppose so - can't say I've given it much thought, lately. You wouldn’t happen to know how I ended up here, though, would you?
JOSIAH
Do these mourners strike a familiar chord?
CHARLOTTE glances at the mourners
Vaguely... Hang on a minute! These people work with me!
She strains to see in the coffin again without results
CHARLOTTE
You seem to know a lot about this. Was it Don McGrath or Pete Winston? Don't know how many times I warned them both to slow down, but did they listen? ‘Course not! What does an old broad like me know, right? Burn the candle at both ends and you’re gonna burn your light out, I told them time and time again. Everyone thinks they’re gonna live forever
JOSIAH
It wasn't either one of them
CHARLOTTE
That's a relief 'cause we're the last three old farts left at The Sentinal. Started out together at the same time and we've seen 'em come and we seen 'em leave. Some on to bigger and better and some like this here person, in a wooden box. Things are sure different now. Back when we were in our prime, the only thing we had'da know was a keyboard. Nowadays everything is electronic - cyber this, cyber that. They'll soon find a way to replace us all with computer systems and you know what? Nobody will give a damn
JOSIAH
They'll always be a need for the human touch
CHARLOTTE
Look at 'em all…young kids just out of J-school. What do they know about getting’ a story? How can you write about life if you never experienced it? This really is a real funeral, isn’t it?
JOSIAH
Unfortunately, you are correct
CHARLOTTE
Guess you were a friend of the corpse, then, or related?
JOSIAH
I'm friends with a lot of people. You can say that I help them through a difficult period
CHARLOTTE
So you're one of those - what do they call them - grief councillors? Bet you go to a lotta funerals
JOSIAH
I can honestly say that I've never missed one
CHARLOTTE
Never?
JOSIAH
Never in all the years I've been assigned here
CHARLOTTE
Have we met somewhere before, maybe a long while back? The more I look at you, the more familiar your face seems to me. Wait a minute! It’s so obvious as the nose on my face. You're a new bartender at Pat's watering hole. I'll pay my tab next week, I swear, it's just that I've been running a little short lately…
JOSIAH
We've had a few close encounters in the past, Charlotte, but this is the first time we've met one-on-one. My drinking days are history in the true sense of the word but you seem very caught up with alcoholic beverages
CHARLOTTE
Got it now. You own the new funeral parlor down the block and you're here to scope out the competition
JOSIAH
Not…exactly but you could say I'm in the funeral business since I make a point never to miss any. In fact, funeral parlors are where I first connect with…
CHARLOTTE
(backing away)Hey! You're not one of those slimy creeps who pick up rich, lonely women at funerals. Listen buddy, I'm not rich and certainly not in the market to add a new man in my life. Been there, done that, too many times. Know what I mean?
JOSIAH
(laughing)
You're quite priceless, my dear. Trust me when I say my interest in you is anything but corporeal in nature. You do like games, don't you, with all your questions that I would be glad to answer. There really is no secret
CHARLOTTE
It's my nature to snoop and dig for answers
JOSIAH
You don't have to. I'd be most happy to supply you with the necessary information but if you insist. Have it your way
CHARLOTTE
Strikes me that this corpse wasn't too popular in life judging by the amount of people who showed up here
JOSIAH
It's all quite sad, actually. She believed she never needed people and in the end, seems that people weren't there when she needed them most
Mourner moves to front of room and stands in front of coffin
So the departed is a female. Looky who's here! It’s my friend and co-worker, Janice. Hey girl, we were supposed to meet for lunch yesterday! I showed up but what happened to you?
JANICE
Miserable, lying witch! At last you made a useful contribution to the world and left it! Good riddance to bad rubbish
CHARLOTTE
Is that the way to talk about the dearly departed? Even dead people deserve respect from the living. Your mama never taught you any manners?
JANICE touches the coffin and returns to her seat
(aside to JANICE): ‘Janice? You-hoo! It's me.’
(aside to JOSIAH) I'm not surprised! She was always a grudge holder. We better take a seat…the minister is here
Gives Janice "the finger" while passing her by and sits with others, accompanied by JOSIAH
(Cont’d. CHARLOTTE - aside to male, PETE): ‘Heeeey Pete-eee! So, how things goin' with you? Sorry 'bout that story, but I just couldn't help myself. In fact, I did just that. I'll return the favor in the future. You know how it is in our biz’
(PETE) ignores CHARLOTTE and talks to female on other side
(Cont’d. CHARLOTTE) Still mad at me, huh? See if I care! That’s the last time I share a lead with him, let me tell you
JOSIAH
He can't hear you
CHARLOTTE
What are you talking about? Of course he can but he's busy chatting up the new receptionist. Probably still pissed 'cause I stole a lead on the story he was after! Far
be it for me to beg forgiveness. He knows that's the way things work. First come - first served!
JOSIAH
And you certainly helped yourself, a lot, didn't you?
CHARLOTTE
Listen, if something falls into my hands, who am I not to take advantage? I needed a lead and Pete was nice enough to do the legwork for me. We're old friends anyway. He'll come around, won't you sweetie?
JOSIAH
You find a way to justify everything. Has it dawned on you, yet, why you're here and that people are ignoring your presence?
CHARLOTTE
What other reason than to pay my respects to someone in the paper 'biz. Really bugging me, though, how I got here and landed up lying next to a coffin. I've covered practically every kind of story but I can't ever remember spending the night in a funeral parlor. Maybe I was after a story but why is my mind blank?
JOSIAH
Merely a temporary fog that will clear after you -
- sssh! Talk softer. We're gonna get kicked out and I'll never find out who's in the coffin
MINISTER steps behind podium
MINISTER
Friends…
Voice calls out:
'She didn't have any, so move on!'
MINISTER
..we are here to bid goodbye to one…
Another voice:
'Good riddance to bad rubbish!'
MINISTER
…a…good reporter, a good friend and colleague.
CHARLOTTE
This dead person must'a really screwed them over but good, but she – you did say it was a woman? Like I was saying, the dead deserve some respect too.
CHARLOTTE stands up and addresses everyone
'That's no way to speak about the dead, you bunch of parasites. Have some respect!'
MINISTER
Is there anyone here who has something positive to say, about the departed? Surely there must be one person in this entire room that could say a few nice words about the late Charlotte Pembrook?
CHARLOTTE
Excuse me? I can speak for myself, thank you very much… What's with this "late" junk?
MINISTER
No one? Then we'll proceed with the service
CHARLOTTE
What in the hell is he talking about? 'I'm still among you, in the flesh! Look! I’m here’
JOSIAH
Please try to control using the "H" word? I've been trying to tell you that no one can hear you – or see you, either
CHARLOTTE
They're doing it on purpose to teach me a lesson. ‘Well, it won't work people! I'm on to you all!’
CHARLOTTE stands up on chair, waves and screams on top of her lungs
CHARLOTTE
‘Charlotte is here! The old witch is alive and kicking. You can't ignore me forever’
JOSIAH walks to the front of the room and stands behind the coffin
JOSIAH
I'm the only person who can see you, at least for now
CHARLOTTE
Calm down, Charlotte. There’s a very simple explanation for all of this. I’ve had too much too drink and this is just a nightmare. Soon I'm gonna wake up and everything will be like it should. That’s it. A nightmare.
JOSIAH
What’s the last thing you can remember?
CHARLOTTE
Food! I was at The Rib Rack gnawing on a rib. Must’a been a bad rack or something to give me a nightmare like this. Alright – gotta calm down. I’m okay…gotta will myself to wake up…time to wake up now… C’mon body – wake up!
JOSIAH
Come over here and take a peak inside
CHARLOTTE moves slowly to the front of the coffin and peers down. She jumps back
CHARLOTTE
If this is a bad joke, I don't have a good sense of humor, today. Enough is enough, already. I don't know how you did this, Joey or whatever your name is to make a person look just like me. A dummy - it's a dummy, right? Hey - it's been a blast meeting you, but I got things to do, places to go…
Aside to mourners
‘Okay you guys. You pulled off the ultimate practical joke. Got me fair and square. I give in. C'mon – don't be such grudge holders! You know I was only doing what you would'a done in my place’
JOSIAH
It's you in there for real
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