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I wish this would pop up whenever someone tried to type the words "copyright me, please don't steal" in a context where it's that bloody obvious.

As for (2), while it sounds like a good idea at the time (I admit it, I did that before when talking to friends about a story), but unfortunately, books just don't work like movies.

(3) And not to mention the young adults who read adult targeted novels.

This makes me think of the people who tweet during pitch contests on Twitter something about, "Nope, I'm not giving my ideas away for free!"

Saying your book is intended for adults makes it sound like porn.

I don't know, Janet. I copyright all my tweets, FB and blog posts, emails, the words I speak out loud, and even my own thoughts. One can never be too safe. You may not realize this, but the government has guns We need to protect ourselves. (You can quote me on that, but it will cost you.)

I think comparing novels to movies is gaining popularity because it was suggested to me on a web forum last year. I struggled and struggled to find the right comp titles until I realized I didn't HAVE to add them to my query as long as I had the right genre listed and I explained my book well enough.

So, I think you will probably see more of that because until now, I never heard anyone suggest otherwise with comparing a book manuscript to a movie.

It may even be encouraged given some of the book pitches I've seen, like Barry Lyga's I HUNT KILLERS was pitched as a "YA Dexter." Now, I don't know whose mouth those words came out of, but I saw the label more than once. I was even inspired by an agent noting they hoped to find a YA Mad Men. I've seen an agent mention YA Downton Abbey. Those are all TV shows obviously, but I sense the trend is similar.

Haha I agree with Ron. I do think there is a better way of saying it contains thematic/sexual content, such as STEAMY ROMANCE NOVEL or THINGS GET A LITTLE HEATED or, just say it has mature content. ;)

Heck, just use 50 Shades of Grey as a comp title and then everyone will understand what you're trying to get across. ;D

Comparing books to movies is very easy, but a little insulting. Not that screen writers aren't fantastic. But let's be honest...making somebody FEEL something with just black and white words on a page, no music, no special effects, no visuals...that's ART. ;D haha Just kidding!!!

@ Rob. Exactly right, lol.

As far as using movies as comp titles for books, I think this started with "The Writer's Journey." While written originally for screenwriters, it's been picked up by novelists as a great source for how to write a story.

Worse, almost every book or class on plotting is now doing the same thing. I am taking another class now, and, while the instructor uses Jaws, The Help, The Hunger Games, and The African Queen as examples, it's clear she's always referring to the movies, not the books. I want to scream!

(Sorry about the tardiness of the comment, but, while I can read blogs from work, I can't really post to them.)

What about writers who use their pen name for their email address? Example: masteroftheuniverse (at) domain (dot) com and it's signed:

Susan Smith
AKA Master of the Universe

Wait, that wasn't you I met at Sea World?

I have a similar situation as Lanette, except that my address is basically my MC's name.

I've had the address for quite a long time, and it’s relatively spam free, so I plan to continue using it, but I do wonder if I should make a pen name related one for any submissions? (If it’s even available)

With two of these posts in the last few days, I feel as if you’re pointing at me. o.0

People really try 4? Really?

This is so strange someone would do that, wasting precious time its almost like sending a query to an agent that does not represent genre.

But when I was kayaking in Belize, I'm absolutely positive I saw you swimming underneath me.

I have an agent and I no longer write queries, but I still love coming here for the snark:)

Lanette, As long as you don't mind getting emails addressed to Dear Master, you're probably ok. I strongly (STRONGLY) recc having the name you want me to call you in our working relationship be close to your email address.

Gru'ud, yes that odd feeling between your shoulder blades is me measuring you for a chomp. (tasty!)

I STRONGLY urge you not to have your character's name as your email.

Get a fresh gmail account that's YOUR name, and don't use it for anything but querying (thus keeping it spam free).

You're not your character. Really.

Carla, I was kinda upset you failed to invite me for drinks after the kayaking. The ocean is salty with my tears.

Elissa, that's my mother in law. She's a bit slower now than in her youth and got nabbed by the SeaWorld folks. Of course, it helped that I duct taped a GPS unit to her fin, and gave them her frequency.

What about an email address which is a commonly used nickname? My pen name is Robert C Roman, but my email is [email protected]. Close enough, or no cigar?

You make me laugh out loud!

Thanks for bringing funny to the journey.

Awww. God bless the stupid.

Maybe those are people who take a peek at Query Shark and don't think about what they see enough.

Somewhere I saw the suggestion of doing it this way:

Real, legal name
(Wrting as psuedonym)
contact info
email address

Is that okay?

My email address is my psuedonym, but I put both names in my closing as Gru'ud suggested.

Is that okay?

It's email and ebay and other net idiocy. I sell online. Here is a typical message I receive:

"where's my stuff"

To which I have to reply, "Hi, in order to give a status on your order I need your name. Including your full name with every note speeds up response time. Thank you: (me)"

Response:

"My name is on my payment."

It is not unheard of to need 3 - 5 emails to pry someone's name out of them. One lady said, "I have three accounts with three different names and I don't remember which one I used." My reply, "well, give me your real name and address." The final reply, "Oh, I never give my real name. Where's my stuff."

Behold the power of the interwebz. :P

Terri

@ Terri...

Regarding "I have three accounts with three different names and I don't remember which one I used" I would say, "Oh yeah, I remember now. I sent it to John Smith, 123 Main Street, Anytown USA. That's you, right?"

^^ FTW ^^

I hope you don't mind, but I'm stealing this for the query workshop I'm doing next month.

Steal on!

For #6, what if we're including a blurb from a trusted, well-respected reviewer of literature?

For example: "My mom says it's enthralling!" ;)

Chro, much as I admire your mom's literary taste, leave it out. What anyone else thinks is irrelevant. Don't waste valuable real estate that could go to better things: plot, character, setting, promises of whisky and $20 bills.

E-gads is right. This little guppy has committed crime number 6 many times. So, point well taken, Ms. Shark, and lesson learned. Thank you for posting this.*promises to never do it again.

At the risk of being redundant and sounding completely nuckle-headed, how do you feel about someone including a snippet of a review from PW or Kirkus?

And--holding my breath here--what if that snippet is from a review of the writer's *previous* book?

But I AM attractive!

I know that titles can always be changed (and that, quite frequently, they are), but I can't help but wonder if you've ever tossed a query over the transom simply because of a horribly offensive or mind-numbingly stupid title.

Holy cow, 220K. Even for an adult novel, that's rather lengthy.

Just curious, what's your personal word count preference for the various kinds of genres/demographies?

Also, it would be helpful to know the word count of some pub

MJ, add that to the list of NO NO NO. You're querying for a new novel. I'm only interested in that.

You put those reviews on your website where I will see them when I start swimming around to find out more about you.

JeffO, well "The Cannibal's Guide to Dining in New York" was a close call but generally no, titles don't have much effect. They get changed so often anyway you can just call it "My Next Great Work of Art" and be done with it.

I'm one of the "Info" crowd, though I'm not one who's queried you directly (my genre falls outside what you're currently looking for). I still sign with my real name, of course--but this may prompt a change as soon as my business cards run out. Ironically--I changed to "Info" in the first place due to some "your email needs to be more professional" type of advice. Looks like there's a middle ground to be found.

The worst mistake I 'almost' made was calling an agent 'highly retarded' instead of 'highly regarded'.

You should always read OUT LOUD before sending. Which I did. Because I listen to Janet.ha

Regarding #6, what if I say something like, "My book is enthralling, and anyone with an ounce of brains can see that." Then, it's sort of a compliment, right?

So I asked myself...have I ever been perplexing?
1. No
2. No
3. No
4. No
5. No
6. I did mention that readers had already picked out the cast for the movie and that one reader said my book would make me famous. A couple of years back I got so frustrated with the whole query experience that I ended the letter with, “Will you just read the God-damn book.” He never answered...I wonder why.

Maybe I should have said please.

Do people ever sign their letter "kisses"? Would that help?

Shark kisses!

Doesn't anyone read Query Shark anymore? It's alarming that you still get wonky submissions!

Jessa, interesting observation. And when I tell you that NO one who sends a query during the Chum Bucket experiment does this kind of thing, does it tell you something? It tells me that the queriers who are paying attention (reading this blog, hanging out with me on Twitter, reading QS) are exactly the kind of people I want to work with.

As for the word count --what if it's a novel-in-verse?

Ohhh...Marsha, that would've been tragic. ;D

If a novella is 20,000 words, but you don't consider the work a novel unless its at least 80,000--what would you call a book with 66,000 words?

MaryAnn, There's a spectrum for word count.

20K is too short, 200K is too long.
The sweet spot is 80-100k.

66K is a novel for sure BUT it's too short for a historical novel, and yet probably just right for a noir novel.

Thanks Janet. Mine is romantic suspense. Next novel, I'll try for a higher word count--but this one just felt done at a lower one.

This is sad, even though it's also funny.
But it's sad in the same way a PTA meeting is sad, because the parents who show up are the ones who know the rules and raise their kids properly, while the ones who should be there, the ones who need to be "talked" to, aren't.

Kudos to Mariam above for an awesome analogy. = )

Here it is, folks, a perfect summary of proper query etiquette. No need to reply to a query rejection; it just means that the Shark's not the one for you. It's nothing personal (unless in her rejection she contends your ms. would be better suited as Satan's toilet paper--but we know she would never say such a thing.) Move on, gracefully and silently, and find the right agent for your work.

If I change the spelling of the title, then it's alright, right?

Sorry, couldn't resist.
Cheers!

Who's Julie????

What if I have changed the genre of my book to 'young adult' AND added some vampires to it? I bet every agent on the list would want to know that right away, wouldn't they?

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I've sent thank yous to agents after personal rejections. I didn't know this was a no-no. Oops.

This comment is about my forthcoming comment, which requires very little thought:

You crack me up! lol

Also, "This e-mail is about...." is such a grade school phrase. Ugh. Even something as simple as "I'm contacting you about...." is a huge improvement.

I agree with Lisa! It might as well say, "This book report is about..." We all should have outgrown that sort of thing by middle school. There's no excuse for someone presenting themselves as a writer to lack the ability to craft a professional business letter-- especially since there's an abundance of excellent sample query letters online to use for inspiration.

Hahahaha...sounds like me about ten years ago, egads have I been at this for that long. Am taking large bowl of Rocky Road into dark closet to contemplate, among the coats and boots, my future path as writer .

I can see this maybe working if the novel is historical satire featuring an arrogant, clueless narrator, though queries written in a character's voice are tough to pull off. And satire in a query is even harder to do well.

But I'm having fun imagining a character who would speak this way and not understand why it's not winning him any friends.

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It is stunning that with the enormous amount of information out there about how to write a query letter that some writers simply don't have a clue. Many writers think their work is so amazing, that there in an inevitability to their work being published, and the agent/publisher is merely there to do their bidding. I managed to get my debut novel published without an agent. Yet, I still had to approach publishers in a professional fashion. I did my research and wrote professional queries. If one day I am able to approach an agent, I will do the same.

I shall require more query advice:)

One more reason for whiskey.

"Dear Author:

This email is about my forthcoming response, for which I will plan to decline..."

Pretentious sentences like that also indicate an overinflated ego...another undesirable trait.

While that opening sentence is horrendous, the writer could mean that she's seeking representation for a novel she's already sold to a publisher.

Wonder if the query is from a non-English speaking person...? Could explain a lot.

You just saved me the embarrassment of querying about my manuscript of "funny line break poetry."

Too many writers insist their work "can't be categorized", as if that was a good thing. I don't suppose anyone following this bog needs to be told that a category is where in the bookstore the book will be shelved. Like you said Janet, don't over-think it.

If a writer doesn't know what their own book is about (i.e. the category), how do they expect anyone else to know?

To agree with Elissa - yes! Think like the readers you want to attract. If you read genre this is a no-brainer: when I want scifi I go to the scifi, I don't wander the general fiction hoping I'll find a fictionalized comedic romantic memoir with strong themes of science fiction. If you don't write genre then just call it fiction and don't be coy about it.

Hmmm. Maybe I should re-think my "reality-based futuristic science fiction."

How do you feel about abbreviations (i.e. YA or MG) used in query letters?

Resisting....urge....to comment on the beauty of Ryan Reynolds instead of the content of this helpful blog post...

I failed.

I misread the beginning as an author messaging an agent. Oh boy, guess who won't get a second glance from an agent visiting this editor ever again. Let alone the house. They might have placed their forefinger and thumb outstretched at a 45 degree angle on their forehead!

Leah, that's Ryan Gosling, or as I like to think of him, the next Mr. Shark.

So how long to agents generally wait to hear back?

How many editors do they generally pitch at one time?

I ask because when an author pitches a novel, they're often under "No simultaneous submission" rules, and often have to wait several months for a response from any given market.

Wait. Someone actually got The Gosling wrong?

Huh.

Oh, my. Just when we thought Editors were some of the most over-worked, efficient, helpful people, we are reminded by THIS letter that they are OBVIOUSLY driveling idiots who can't tie their shoes...or keep an agent's oh-so-important 'deadlines' in mind. Sheesh. Good thing we remembered!

I would ask how this agent feels when you send him or her a full, follow up one month later, and then withdraw it one month after that to submit to his or her office-mate in the same agency. "Oh, but if you see this email after the fact and still want to represent me, let me know!"

If the agent would be fine receiving such an email, then it may just be that the agent is fairly relaxed about this sort of thing and can't imagine there's any problem with pulling a manuscript from a busy editor to find one less busy. Obviously we have no clue who this is, but could it be a junior agent who just needs a little more mentoring? That's a more charitable explanation than the agent being an idiot. :-)

If this email is typical of past communications by the agent, the editor has a good reason for not responding.

I have no comment about Ryan Gosling.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the full belly laugh I experienced while scrolling down your wish list. It was much needed and appreciated. While I admire the horses on the beach and covet that beautiful closet, I must respectfully disagree with your choice of shark mate. If you could just insert Henry Cavill circa his short haired Tudors days, I would be in full agreement...though, I must admit, Ryan Gosling isn't a bad second.

Your Chum,
The Jersey Girl

I know new authors do this. ("For a limited time! The clock is ticking! Buy my book now!") It's not a car and people have their preferences. No ones going to spend their time and money on something they can't sell.

I can't imagine an agent messing with their connections for one book.

Very strange...

Ryan Gosling is wonderful, but that laundry room...oh my! I think I've managed a household of four small children for too long.

Ryan Gosling? No that's ME! (He has often told me that people on the street come up to him, having made the same mistake.)

I'm not all that fan-girly or even girly for that matter, but in spite of that, I rather love that Ryan Gosling is still someone who makes it into the "wish for lots of things" list.

Wait, was there a higher purpose to this post? ;-)

"Hey Girl . . . let me carry that stack of manuscripts for you so you can carry the cupcakes and scotch."

It's sad to think this agent's authors may never know s/he is doing this.

Can I get this agent's number? She sounds like just the sort of tenacious go getter I've been looking for to represent my chapbook collection of ill tempered poetry. If at first you don't succeed...to hell with 'em!

I queried you because in my dreams you look like Trinity from the Matrix movies ;) Easy to love, Janet, easy to love.

I'm querying you because I've got no place else to go!

- R. Gere.

I'm querying you because the voices told me to.

OO! I like this game!

I'm querying you because I didn't bother with the minimal research it would have taken to discover you don't represent my genre.

I’m querying you because Binky Urban said, “Yeah, right. Try that shark woman; see what she does to you.” That’s like, you know, for sure a totally professional referral.

oh great, now I'm choking on my lunch of crushed hopes and dreams cause I'm laughing so hard.

I am querying you because you are the best shark out there!

Plus your blog is a hoot.

I'm querying you because 'begging for representation' has too many letters.

I'm querying you because restraining orders are hard to enforce across state lines.

I like this blog post a lot! It is very interesting and much like the link I have come to spam you with, that, if you click it, will almost certainly give your computer a virus.

Also, Mr./Ms. Agent, I am querying you because of your strong interest in books.

I'm querying you because this Internet thing makes it so easy to stalk...I mean...create a list.

Janet Reid...no.

Next up: Jessica Faust.

I'm querying you because we have the same first name and I'm just taking it as a sign from God.

I guess we writers try to stand out from the crowd which is why we invent new ways to say: 'I would love you to represent me.' It's silly, really, I agree.

Helena

"Before you send a query to an agent, be clear about what an agent does."

You've helped me see clearly but...ah...I guess that means you don't do windows.

Very informative.

Unless by "windows" you mean "driving writers to distraction, tears, pantless hallucinatory wandering and chemical dependence with sadistic perfectionism and threats of chomping, but ALSO posting bail and smoothing things over with your parole officer"--if that's what you mean, then maybe windows.

Ack. Oh my. If you're going to butcher a query conceptually, at least do it in wording that would entice them to read the actual manuscript???

How about, "Publishing companies won't talk to me without an agent. I found you on a website that lists agents. Since you have the title, would you escort my manuscript through the door?" This would probably fail, but honesty rings from it.
Of course, if these same writers were up on murder charges, they'd hire a divorce attorney because a lawyer is a lawyer, right?

NotaWarriorPrincess: Pantless hallucinatory wandering! I hope it never comes to that! *checks to make sure I'm wearing pants* *PJ's count as pants, right?*

Not to mention it was a really awkward sentense. I had to read it twice.

Mittens--if you have them on your LEGS, you're golden.

Janet, Could you help me find a shore home? And a rare 1920's player piano? Oh, yeah, and a could you design the cover to my new book and rewrite Chapter Four for me? Thanks. That would be great.

I'd like to enlist you in my campaign to auto-query agents hundreds of times until they "get it." Together, we will batter down the walls of the publishing industry.

Either this guy is misinformed about what you do or is trying to sound very informed by fancying up what should be a simple "please consider representing my book". (I suspect both.) Overwriting is a common pitfall, I'm afraid.

I can still see messing it up, even with a template. :-) "My book is about the lies women tell themselves. My main character is Jennifer and she must embark on a jorney of self-discovery to heal the wounds of her past while her sister Michelle will do everything in her power to preserve the delicate balance of lies that enables her to cope with their shared history."

It's an easy mistake to make, sadly.

You do know hundreds will post today based on your template or is that what you really want?
Because if it is...I'm in.

And then again, maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps my assumptions are based on desperation.

Jeez that sounds pathtic.

Oh well, the whole antagonist's thing...had to rethink that.

It's a good day when I learn something. At my age think how smart I'd be, and happy, if I had learned something every day.

Right now I've learned to shut up.

Jane, bad as that example is, and it's pretty terrible, it's better than what I received.

Really.

Wry, you'd be surprised how many people get tripped up by "who is the antagonist?" when I do query workshops, or pitch sessions.

Oooh! A Mad Lib!

"My book is about robots.

My main character's name is DJ Off The Heezy.

He must wiggle.

My antagonist is Slappy the Squanderer. She wants to thwart DJ Off The Heezy's goal by fart."

I'm sorry, I'll be more vague next time. "Everything conspires against her"?

Would it not be right to say that the antagonist need not be a person? In a story where the MC has a terminal illness and must complete a quest before s/he dies, the antagonist could be the illness, or time itself. An example of illness-as-antagonist that jumps to mind is THE FAULT IN OUR STARS by John Green.

I agree that an antagonist does not have to be a "person", but you still need to reveal what you main character wants, how she intends to achieve her goal, and what is stopping her. Even if you have these things, the query might be a pass for a gazillion other reasons, but at least the agent (and you) will know what your book is about.

I didn't think this was a call for submissions in the comments section, but I'm wrong once or twice a week. I could be off on that time frame.

My book is about this person who goes and does this really cool thing. It's part Harry Potter and part Catcher in the Rye. I gave it to a guy I know who said it was very brilliant. My mom loves it. She's a woman just like you, so you should love it too. If you become my agent, I'll send chocolate. Oh and it's a fictional novel<-- I almost forgot that. Do you forget things too? I knew there was a connection because my numerologist told me you were the right one.

How's that? :-P

My book is about how guilt can tear you to pieces. My main character's name is Chrysanthemum. She must learn how to not feel guilty about things that happened in the past so she is no longer ripped to shreds by the specter of darkness cast over her by her actions. My antagonist is Ezekiel. He wants to thwart Chrysanthemum's goal by not letting her learn how to not feel guilty about things that happened in the past so she is forever ripped to shreds by the specter of darkness cast over her by her actions.

Nobody ever said writing was easy.

BTW, my captcha word is gladvcr- and I sure am glad we don't have VCRs anymore. Though what the heck am I going to do with all these old Disney tapes??

One can only hope that writers will know how to take these sample sentences and construct elegant paragraphs out of them.

BTW, for some reason, the Twitter button on this page reads "Suivre @Janet_Reid." On parle francais ici? Or perhaps it's just me.

If I tell you what it's about, it'll spoil it! :)

Isn't the main point of sending a query to tell your agent what your book is about and convince them that the STORY is good? Silly people... that's a good basic formula to use, I might bookmark this and come back to it when I'm ready to start querying... :)

Well said.

I wonder if using the Notepad accessory in Windows might help? Sometimes I'll use it as a middleman (copying text in Word to Notepad before pasting it where I want), especially if I'm doing web design, to get rid of all those invisible formatting bugaboos (Word formatting to Dreamweaver can be extremely messy). But I haven't tried this with email yet.

Writer Librarian - Notepad should do that for emails too; like you I use it all the time to remove invisible formatting. I compose my blog posts in Word, but then paste into Notepad and copy again to avoid unexpected apparitions in the blog. Don't even get me started on Word vs Dreamweaver!!

Interesting! I just go through and delete them when I am proofreading or better yet, go back to the source doc and re-copy before I paste.

Terri

Thank you for this blog! It's an excellent tool for studying social psychology.

Well.

Or, do what I do: sent the query email to yourself FIRST. See how it looks. And then if it's ok, send it to the agent. Saves a little headache on their end, and gives piece of mind on yours.

OMG:
Little lines
Too many spaces
Dear Agent, a no no
Don’t use clichés like no no
Don’t repeat yourself
Too engaging
Not engaging enough
Be friendly
But not too friendly
Don’t repeat yourself
Have a sense of humor
But don’t be too funny
Know mispelings
Know misword-usage
Punctuate correctly !
Don’t repeat yourself
Show don’t tell
Don’t show too much
Tell about your writing history
But not everything
Thank ‘dear agent’ for reading
Contact information at end of query
WTF, who am I
I forgot
Don’t repeat yourself
Don't burn bridges
Regret posting this
Blame it on Ms. Trite, she's a bitch
My head is going to explode

Absolutewrite also has a great forum for help with query writing.

The only way to find the correct forum is to join AW. Go to AW Writing Lab--Share Your Work and look for Query Letter Hell.

Unfortunately, there is a lot of help, not all good, but there is help.

No one gets gnawed on like the Shark does at QS--over there the squirrels nibble at your little bits.

I have spent hours in Hell getting help, giving help and being yelled at for it.

No, no. I'm sure he was just trying to draw attention to certain lines.

Well, ALL of them.

The first query I ever wrote was terrible. It used a few rhetorical questions. It had a few too many adjectives and adverbs. It wasn't my best work by any means. BUT it did summarize what the book was about, mention the main character by name, and list the genre.

Still, I cringe a bit when I think about it -- but this post makes me feel better, because at least I got a few things right.

That last paragraph is excellent advice.

I received a similar query, where I was informed the story (which was fortunately described) had high marketing potential as a first-person shooter video game because most of the action was gunplay. The author also proceeded to tell me how to market the book, AND attached the full MS to the email he sent.

Matt, the only thing that'd make that worse is if the person also mailed you a hard copy. *shakes head* Wowzers.

Yeesh, my Query V1.0 was bad (I included character outlines), but at least you knew the length, genre, and a bit about the plot.

My query is now on about V2.6 and I finally feel like it is "getting there."

Terri

Every once in a while I run across a piece of advice that really resonates. This is one of those times. One day maybe I'll master the query.

A case for the queryshark, no? :)

The fact that so many agents and published writers blog is a fantastic thing, because it helps those who care to know learn how to write a decent query. At the same time, we realize just how many people are doing the same thing and how tough our competition is. Maybe there's a bit of cruelty in it, but I like when we see examples like this that show not all the competition is equal. It still provides a "what-not-to-do" learning example, though, so it's not all bad!

My first query was bad. In fact I am still working on it. Thanks for all the advice, I have learned so much from you.

Chum?

I have pasted you're query suggestion on my writing wall, very easy steps to write a concise query, but a while back when I was a total dolt and sent my first query to query shark, riddled with no information about my book and the main fact you don't rep the book I was offering. (double dolt) I hope you never find that query, let it fly away in cyber space where it will never see the day of light.LOL

Amen Janet.

From a writer's perspective, I really (x100) appreciate you laying it out on the table.

Writers need to learn - and learn quickly - that how we represent our work is just as crucial as the work itself.

i.e. stop waiting and cowering under fear of rejection and do the work. The good will rise to the top with a little proactivity.

Thanks!

Wonderful advice as usual. :-) ~Ali

Really good advice - thank you.

It has crossed my mind, and I would be interested to know, how many agents proactively seek queries/pages/fulls from writers whose work they have seen on that writer's website ONLY (i.e., haven't met them at a conference, don't know any of their relatives or friends, haven't been queried by that writer, etc.).

Has this happened with you, Janet, or any agents you know?

I had a couple chapters of my novel on my site, and was advised to take them down because it could be considered publishing them.

Is it OK to have a couple or three chapters on your site?

Truly, we're all now ever more huggable — and buggable.

Hmmm, some advice to take to heart! Thanks sharky! :P

Great advice Janet. Website duly revised!

Crap. This is all good advice. But sadly, it means taking down my special section on navel-lint sculpture.

I also am interested in the answer to Nathan Rudy's question. Is it advisable to post a section of an unpublished ms on your website?

**buffs fingernails**

Already doin' it. Pat me on the head.

There's nothing more frustrating than going to a blog or web site and getting frustrated because you can't figure out the who, what, when, where, or why. I think we're all a little guilty of this sometimes. But when talking about books, it's important to make it clear so readers know, too.

Yes! I'll have a story to share with you soon about serendipity & the importance of having an authentic online presence. You're a part of this story because your teeth are shiny.

I've been told something similar to what Nathan Rudy said about work being considered published once it's online. I'd like to post a few chapters and overview on my site if that's not a legal issue for publishing later.

Wonderful post. Thanks for the advice. I'll definitely add a what's my writing about page.

Thanks@

Thanks for the great advice, as usual!

I totally agree. I also think that if you don't have the time to do all the research what's the point of writing a query in the first place? It won't reach the people who really care. You have to find the people who care, not let them find you, because they won't.
I love the new blog layout by the way!

Hot, hot, hot new look! Love it.

As to the non-query notice, all I can say is:
Oh. Dear.

Wait wait wait... did this guy (in a gender-non-specific sense) e-mail agents saying that he's not going to e-mail a query but just give a link to it? Couldn't he have just e-mailed his query to all these agents? Am I missing something?

Seriously? Wow. Just, wow.

Colin, yea the irony of that didn't escape us either!

*Snort*

The real irony is that you're the second one to put him / her in the spotlight as a What Not To Do case.

Have you seen Slushpile Hell today? The response there was priceless:

http://slushpilehell.tumblr.com/post/8342894448

yea, there's a link to it at the bottom of the blog post in teeny tiny letters!

I showed this to a friend and fellow writer, and she said, "Obviously, they don't want to get published that badly."

You will find the time to do the things that matter. If you can't find time to do something, it does not matter to you. This is one of the basic laws of human nature.

You should have named the post "How to Commit Career Hara-Kiri".

If it weren't so sad, I'd still be laughing.

Dear writer:

I have received your communication of (the date writer's career went up in flames).

I might be an agent open for submissions, but I also have other tasks on my plate, namely the kind I get paid for, which don't include entitlement or abuse. I simply cannot take the time daily to bother with ill informed, overly precious writers.

Given that it is 2011, and technology is sophisticated, I have now blocked your IP. I have chosen to post this to my own blog, which gets many, many hits a day, just like others have done.

You're that astonishingly clueless. (You're also a hit on Twitter, but that's another blog post.)

BTW, this is a form letter. Have a nice day.

I love people like this - it just makes it easier for those of us who do take it seriously

Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer the traditional method of getting an agent's attention...

The singing gorilla-gram.

I figured that it's too much of a burden to put in a job application at every place I'd like to work, so, instead, I've decided to set up a site for potential employers to visit (since they have tons of time on their hands...).

But did you sneak a look at his/her website? I probably couldn't resist.

What makes me laugh about this is the query is so...well...if you're successful, then it's just the BEGINNING of all those kinds of administrative things you have to do!

I have to admit, this made me laugh. No one who has a normal life HAS time to spend sitting, researching and emailing agents...it's a lot of work! And work spent doing that is work NOT spent on your next project.

But you MAKE the time, because how the heck else are you going to get your work out there, and ultimately, hopefully, succeed? If you're not willing to put in the work, then you're probably not willing to get much of anything done.

But that's just my two cents. And what's that worth...other than two cents... ;o)

Help me out here. The writer created a query letter and posted it to a website.

The writer then wrote this email and presumably emailed it to 100 agents.

Since the writer had already written the email, why did the writer not cut and paste the query letter that was already written and posted on the website?

I could understand if the writer had said, "I have no time to write a query letter, so my first three chapters are posted on at clueless-dot-com," but this is bizarre. He or she already cut-and-pasted once. Why not cut-and-paste the actual query?

It's like showing up for a job interview in your underwear.

"Hey, my good outfit is in my closet. Wana' come to my place and see what's hanging?"

That made me gasp out loud. And then my jaw fell open, like a cartoon.

No. Just no. Wrong. Bad. Completely arrogant and ridiculous. That's so...rude and unprofessional. *shakes head*

Wow. And this person expects to get a response with that? Talk about shooting yourself in the foot or since this is a writing blog, stabbing yourself in the eye.

A snack for your shark:

Dear Agent,
I am sending this query for my work-in-progress. It is approx. 235,336 words and will be completed sometime next spring. It is speculative fiction with a romance element based on historical fact of the Underground Railroad. Everyone in my great-grandmother's assisted living building loved it and said I should be a writer. My contact info is on my blog. But please call after 10:00 pm when my parents are asleep.
Gotta go! LOL.
See ya'. :)

Flames, flames to the side of my face...

No, wait. That's just the new blog background, not the query letter's effect.

Wouldn't it take the same amount of time to copy and paste a generic query into an email as to send out this message telling people to go to your site? This author isn't going for personalization, so what's the big deal?

Plus, this letter reeks of "I don't have time for this", which isn't the right message to send when trying to get into an industry that requires a lot of time.

I managed to find the website of this particular person (couldn't resist!) and --- yeah. It's exactly what I thought it would be!

Oh, this was my laugh of the day. Thanks.

Thank you Janet for this bit of improv comedy! The last few days have sucked and I needed to drop by the SharkFin Lounge for some stand-up. Pretty outlandish though and not all that believable . . .

::whisper whisper::

You are effing kidding me . . .

Reminds me of the guy in law school we nicknamed "The Unabomer" for his tendency to let loose with manifestos in class. He always said that law school was a waste of time and all he had to do was take the bar exam in New York, but had been prevented from doing so by [insert racist comment] ruling elite.

Nice to see he's decided to write a book now. It would have almost been worth asking to see a partial, just for the comic relief.

Terri

Dear Shark-ly Snookums,

(please scroll down as needed)








My

210,289 word

fictional

novel

is

the

first

in

a

seven-

part

trilogy....

Dear Snookums:

I read on your blog that I shouldn't waste space with all of that business letter stuff I learned in school (I guess those A's in English Lit are worthless now.) So, I'll skip all of that stuff in favor of getting right to the point.

I am sending this email, today May 6, 2011, to you, Janet Reid, whose email is Janet@fineprint.

It's ironic that your office at Fine Print Literary Management is at 240 West 35th Street #500, New York, NY 10001, because my story also takes place on a street. It's not in New York, or at an office, but there is an address involved.

As I don't want to bog you down with things that are obvious and just parrot back information you should already know - like the fact that my book is totes blockbuster material - I'll just say I'm looking for literary representation (not that I write literary; I actually want to be published) and leave it at that.

The first attached file is the manuscript in full. I've used PDF since I don't have Word, but do have a virtual printer. The second attached file is the proposed cover that my second cousin designed as an art school project. He got an A+ and says the publisher can use it so long as he gets to count it as a professional credit. The last attached file is my photograph. I took it with my webcam, but I think it's an appropriately writerly pose. I look slightly confused, as I was waiting for a flash before I realized there wasn't one, but I think this gives me the look of being deep in thought. I can photoshop the posters off the wall behind me if you think a publisher's so uptight as to be offended by my political opinions.

Lemme know what you think. If I haven't heard from you by Saturday, I'll just give you a call. Or, as I'll be in NYC on business, I can drop by and discuss it with you. Whichever's easier for you. I'm flexible.

Sincerely,

Ima Hack

* please click here to confirm this email reached its intended recipient.

If you are not the person to whom this email was addressed, be aware that you should delete it unread, immediately.

*** This is an automated signature. Please do not reply to this address as it doesn't accept incoming mail. Thank you -- the Management of Megacorp Inc. Employee ID # 987334 ***

(*sigh* I think I've officially been editing too long. I'm getting punchy.)

Thanks for this. I'm not quite at the querying stage yet, but this is great information from when I am.
Amy

Someone really did that?

Wow.

Also, it's nice to know my query failed because I didn't call you "snookums." I'll correct that post-haste. lol

--just kidding, don't kill me--

But what about the agents who insist on personalizaton and sucking up? Should that go first?

Janet, it could be worse. At least your selection of morons include the (nominally) literate ones (most of the time)

I work as a waitress (In small town with disproportionate number of very rich people on vacation. IT IS AWESOME) and our number one phone question for the past three weeks has been "What is your menu?" (On the front of the restaurant, on the website, but looking things up before you nag the staff is asking too much!)

*closes eyes, takes deep breath* "It is (information that really means "cook/owner is eclectic kitchen genius") and we serve (four favorite dishes including kickass curry)" <---90% of the time the calls stop here.

*silence*"...is that all you serve?"<--this is the other 10%. Apparently they only eat out on mother's day.

*did you know that all waitstaff have an inbuilt clock that goes off whenever a table has been sitting too long? We do. Mine is now going off.* "We have several other items."

"Look, I'm trying to decide between you and six (probably cheaper) other restaurants, and I can't be arsed to find this out for myself (<--might be artistic licence) Can you read your menu to me?"

"..." *Phone is approx. six miles away from a menu* *also, I have salads sitting in front of me that need to go out* *and the food for yet another table has appeared in the magic window* *And it is my turn to seat and serve yet another table* *AND IT IS A LONG. FREAKING. MENU*

Thank GOD one of these people landed on our owner while she was having a very bad day. It is now completely appropriate to say "I am sorry, we are very busy right now." and hang up. I would use her phrasing, but it would probably get your blog shut down. I love our owner. And most of our (awesome) clientelle. But you got that one segment, and you start polishing up the clue-by-four.

Holy moly. I've never considered calling a restaurant to find out what they serve!

**adds to list of ways to torment people**

excellent! excellent!

I would also advise sending one of the queries to yourself to see how it looks. Of course, email providers will all look different perhaps, but looking at the result in your inbox once is a great way to spot oops-es.

And I'm sorry to see that I should have used "Snookums." That must be why "Dear Sexypants" has not been working.

Dear Sharkie-Snookums,

Thank you so very much for posting this. I've often wondered about proper email query format and there aren't any posts on it (but now there is). I am also very sad that you don't rep YA as I think I would love you as an agent. Oh well--maybe one day I will write a murder mystery/thriller just for you.

Best,

Jennifer

Is this evolving? It seems that many years ago, the advice was that "this is a business letter, so start with a how-do-you-do, etc."

Personally, I prefer the way you lay it out; after all, who has time for foreplay any more? I'm just curious if many of the perpetrators aren't truly clueless, just unable to keep up with the accelerating preferences of agents in our mobile, digital world.

@J I don't think by personalization, they mean listing their address and such. But I get what you mean...where do you put the stuff about why you want that agent, at the beginning or the end? My sense is that it's safer in most cases to lead with the story, because if you can't hook them with that, they probably won't care much why they're the perfect agent for you.

Also, every comment Josin L.McQuein posts is gold.

You're about to get inundated with query letters addressed "Dear Snookums."

Funny, I thought I'd seen your comments on this type of letters before, where you'd mentioned the exact same thing. Sad that formatting took away that writer's chance at getting the proper attention for his/her query letter. Well, that's how you learn.

Only a man would claim there's no time for foreplay.

Jodi R.

"But some other agent said they like all the stuff at the top" etc etc.

Which is exactly why writers need to do their research and tailor their queries to each agent.

Now if you excuse me, I'm off to get a scatter gun.

That opening says a LOT about the sender. It's a man. He's over 60. He worked in a corporate environment.

Oooh I bet he wrote a sexy thriller about an octogenarian amateur detective!

I would like to thank you for a most refreshing area to spend my time polishing the craft of writing. Sometimes you search for that one thing that will benefit your art. You are a service to all who write. Thank you once again.

I agree one has to research what the agent wants and prefers before querying. On the other hand, it gets REALLY CONFUSING when so many agents have such strong opinions about what is okay and what is not.
Rachelle Gardner (Rants & Ramblings), for instance, states emphatically that the query "is a LETTER, not a book synopsis dropping out of the sky...it should ask for what you want (e.g. "I am seeking agency representation and would appreciate your consideration")."
Kristin Nelson (Pub Rants) has a list of "good" query letters on her agency's website, and a lot of them start with "what if" questions, or the title and word-count straight off.
And of the four examples of good query letters on Bookends Llc., three of them begin with the agency address on top.
So I don't think the person who wrote the query thinks you're stupid. I think they were just following another agent's equally strong advice.

Even with all that conflicting advice, you'll notice none of the suggest starting with the address of the sender OR the recipient. OR that it's being sent via "electronic mail"

thus, my point.

I was cracking up at Josin's comment! Great post, Janet.

It's interesting to me that I started a blog precisely to build a platform and then very quickly found out that I enjoyed the medium so much that I sometimes forgot about my original intention! I have to lasso myself back periodically, but the fact is that whether it has turned into a platform for me as an author or not, I'm having too much fun, and wouldn't think of giving it up.

I'm curious regarding others' opinions on the advantages/disadvantages of an individual versus a group blog (grog). Is a group blog a better bet because it's likely to draw more readers? Or is an individual blog better because the blogger can better target his or her audience? Do agents have a preference about which they'd like to see?

What sort of following would tip that "platform" scale in the right direction? I do lots of TV and radio, write for many online venues and high profile clients. But there's no good way to accurately provide #s of a measurable, consistent audience, and that doesn't necessarily translate to book sales--especially if the "audience" has been trained to expect this same info for free on the web or TV. Correct? Or am I looking at this wrong?

I think it would help if you could share some pointers on how to find readers and followers, since they don't usually just fall into your lap if you're an unknown who's only starting out in the writing world. JMO...

I started a blog for the need for one to interact with my (hopefully larger future) readership. Before that, I was at writing websites and had readers there. I'm also networked for multiple free marketing opportunities at popular websites and fandom conventions, but since I write fiction and not nonfiction, I've no idea how to address that in a query, so I guess it'll be like the toy surprise in a carmel popcorn box for the agent I find someday. :-) I've been told by a few agents not to mention it during the query phase. It's so hard to know the right thing to do in this industry sometimes. Thanks, Janet.

The platform discussion isn't a bad idea for a fiction author, either.

How important is platform for a fiction author? I've heard some agents describe it as a sort of added bonus, and I was wondering how much weight it's given (if any) in a decision about representation.

Thanks for this post, because I was never sure about mentioning my blog in a query. But, how many followers, subscribers, or comments is enough to make the difference?

Megalicious: here are a couple of sites that can tell you how to find readers/followers for your blog, how to start a blog, how to keep it going, all kinds of stuff like that. Enjoy!

Problogger: http://www.problogger.net/blog/
Daily Blog Tips: http://www.dailyblogtips.com/

Also, check out the "how to blog" categories at Brazen Careerist:: http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/

Honestly, I would have expected that response to be the norm.
Evidently, that is as naive as my dog's continued hope that I will eventually drop my plate from the table for him to devour.

Well done, all around! Leaves a warm, runny spot in the cockles of my heart. Or maybe that's the eggnog.

OMG, did my husband take up writing?

Ah, see, entries like these just undermine your super scary (sharky?) reputation...

Awww... see, not all writers are crazy psychos. And not all agents are cruel and heartless. We can get along! This is living proof!! :)

Nice, but why would someone query blindly (in this day and age) in the first place. How hard is it to Google "How to send a query?"

Lol @ Malanie, you read my mind! But in all reality, Janet is all too right. She opened herself up to another submission from this very same person instead of letting him down easily and being done.

I would have requeried :D But then again, I've researched queries and synopses for well over two years now and mine somewhat makes sense. :D Or at least I hope they do.

Thank you for everything you do-- from maintaining this fabulous blog, to taking the time to send this sort of reply instead of a form rejection, to answering questions from neurotic writers (like me)everywhere. (And all the while being damn entertaining!) Thank you. Like Lucy, I have warm cockles, but I've had wine, not eggnog...

Holy cow, Malanie Wolfe - that's exactly what I wondered when I read his reply, had to read it twice.

Janet - that was so awesome of you. You totally rock!

"Look out ahead!"

You gotta love that guy for his sense of humor if nothing else.

How unsharkly of you. ;)

So...if we want a second chance, we just need to screw up everything royally. Good to know:)

Coffee? I'm going for the Espresso Vodka.

Very very nice of you Janet. And very 'Christmas spiritish'

Lucky lucky guy. The sharks have been restrained.

I hope it's a self-help book.

LOL Lisa Dez, yeah, I have a feeling behind that big shark bite is a huge heart.

I hope that guy knows how lucky he was to get such a kind response! I think I would have just hit delete and taken another swig of coffee.

You've done your good deed for the day.

Brilliant! I prefer miniature golf, not that that means I don't need mulligans.

Maybe that guy's the next Hemingway and you, the Sharkess, may soon be credited with "discovering" him. Either that or he may be a psychopathic stalker and you may curse the day you gave him that little bit of extra attention. Only time will tell. ;-)

I appreciate your response. Even looking up "How to query" you get such a bad selection (too many is almost worst than not enough. There's no way to sort out the good from the bad) that it can be disheartening to someone who has written a story and wants it published.

He might not have even understood that he needed a query and his erstwhile friends tell him, "I have it on good authority you have to have an agent. Get one." Without knowing in the slightest how to go about it.

I was in that boat and because I didn't understand, my first agent led me astray. I later found the writer's beware site and guess what? Her company's on it. But as a newbie, how was I supposed to know how to look up "writer's beware?"

People like Janet help those of us willing to learn how to find the information we need. I wish on a thousand stars that I knew about the agents blogs that I do now when I started. Life would have had less rejection!

You can't assume that because someone wants to be a writer that they know where to start to find the information they need.

Merry Christmas to you all :D

You did "Fore" a huge service, along with anyone else you need to send this response to.

Unless you study the writing market, I don't think you can understand the appropriate way to submit a manuscript. I can't tell you the number of times I hear people say that they should write a book,chose a publisher and an agent. Perhaps they are brilliant and will never end up in the slush pile. Or maybe, they just don't have a clue. I think your response was wonderful. You are providing a new writer with a great teaching tool, your blog.

Oh, that is too funny. At least he took it in stride and had the good graces to know you meant well.

Thanks for sharing.

Well played on both ends! ;P

Haha. I can imagine the look on your face as you read the query and then wrote that reply, and then the one that followed when you realized what you'd done...and then again when you got that response. Love it. If you printed your blog posts and comments for the year in a book (for this one and Query Shark), I'd buy it. Every year.

That's the kind of person you wildly cheer for when they make it.

People who are completely clueless about the query process are the people who usually end up with scam "agents" or vanity publishers. It only takes a pinch of education to avoid that kind of thing. This probably came at exactly the right time for him. On behalf of all writers--thank you.

Ha, I love it!

Good to know that people DO appreciate when you go out of your way to help them.

Wow, what a great response...this guy is obviously open to critique and criticism....and that will take him very far in this business! :)

Mental note: wait until the last sentence to mention the book isn't done.

I think having a proper heroin is important in a novel; especially if she's dressed in a white, powdery gown, hangs out in dark alleys, and blows the minds of the people in the story (or, at least calms them down for a while). And, you want the query letter to tell you something about the book? Really, Janet, picky, picky, picky...

OOOOOH. OUCH! Wow. I would laugh thinking you had to make this up, but I'm afraid I know the truth. You are absolutely serious.

I'm going to send in my query to your query shark once I've finished my editing process. I promise not to make THAT mistake. I'll probably make a different one. **groan**

Back to editing.

But, Janet! I'm a Speshul Snowflake. And I know you'll love my magnum opus, a 200,000 word epic of zombie love. It's brimming with rotted corpses and almost finished! It's perfect right from draft one.

And you have to accept me fast! This is the only book I'll ever write. I'll just die of despair if you say no.

So, pretty please? Send me the contract to sign and I'll send you this perfect book I know you can't live without.

What are some people thinking?

Thanks for letting us know what not to do. (And making me laugh)

Have a great weekend.

Cass

"Vile" subject matter in kids' books....see, I'm afraid I've made this one. I wrote a short (2000 words) story about a girl who's molested by a neighbor.

I've gotten great responses from readers and have been told it's powerful and well-done. BUT it's definitely sort of a "teaching" (or worse, "preaching" book).

It makes me sad to think it might be not worth the (imaginary, non-corporeal) paper it's printed on. ("Jump drive it's saved on" just doesn't have the same ring!)

And yet, that IS the focus -- the event (non-graphic!) and then her feelings and how she deals with it with her parents.

Maybe my story is just vile.

:-(

sometimes it takes even less time to 'reject', that's why it pays to have it copy edited, at the very least...

Clarity: To make things clear.
Clarity is good.

Buffra - I would imagine it's all in how it's handled. A book that is sensitively written about a child molestation is a book that is desperately needed, in my opinion. It could be a powerful healing tool for children that have been molested. That's different than book that is written to scare children, or a book that is mean to children. Good for you for tackling that topic - that's a really hard one.

I like this list. I can stick with this list. No innocent mistakes here; this all makes total sense, thanks Janet.

Although. It's funny. I am actually writing a book about people who use heroin. I hope that's not interpreted as a spelling mistake. :-)

I hate spelling and grammar errors. I still see "your" for "you're" and "could care less" for the correct ": "couldn't care less."

Generally, the excuse is: "Publishers have editors." But, my reply is: "Presentation is everything."

#2 says misused words are particularly bad in a query for a children's book. I can sea Wye their a death Nell fore any work of pro's, but why in kids' books especially?

Thanks Mira. I hope it's well done. (and not scary or mean!)

:)

I really enjoyed this blog post. I would love it if you did this weekly. No pressure or anything, I just liked seeing what I'd be against on a daily/weekly basis.

Having said that, I'm really sorry you have to get junk like that. That's the only word for it, really.

I wouldn't say it's a total waste. At least you'd be doing your part to keep children employed in third world query sweatshops.

Beautiful analogy. Here's another - It's like paying someone to pole vault for you, but after they sail over, the pole falls back on your head.

I can see WHY people attempt this. But I don't see how it would actually work nor would I want to try.

As a matter of fact I think I vaguely remember an article a few months back where an author admitted she didn't write her query and it raised a HUGE discussion via various blog posts & comments. I can't remember the details but in the end it was evident that it is just better to do it yourself.

I was reminded of this recently while reading about a new business that handles your online dating for you. Really-- they write your profile, touch up your pictures, screen your potential matches, send your communications and even arrange the first date. And anyone who thinks that's a good idea will probably also love query services.

Priscilla is unforgiving.
Priscilla is undiscriminating.
Priscilla will get us all.

At least the desert is warmer than this blizzard I'm sitting in.

Ok, that was a huge "duh" moment for me. Checking it out I did get the gist of what you were talking about. Big relief. Not that I've sent you any query letters or such...you just never know. Keeping the door open isn't a bad thing, ever. (Hugs)Indigo

My real and email name do not match. Priscilla reads me my unanswered emails I've sent to you. We laugh. Then she feeds me grapes and caviar... too bad, wish you were here!

Haste yee back ;-)

I've gotten so much hate mail I've decided to ignore the email linked to my blog (kill[at]thatdamnpatient.com)

saves me a world of grief .....

Err, what?

My e-mail address is <[email protected]>. I do not have an e-mail address that says <[email protected]> and it would never have occurred to me to send professional mail as UniqueScreenName, because I feel that if I'm going to communicate with someone outside the blogosphere, I should be using my real name in communication.

It never occurred to me that this might land me in somebody's spam filter. Looking at my inbox, at least half the people I communicate with have similar non-real-name e-mail addresses.

my 'laughingwolf' online username is front and center [nearly] in my gmail, so folk who know me by that, know it's from me... except, it's been highjacked lately in my blogger account and friends tell me some twit is sending them spam, and worse, with my name and isp on it! GRRR

i immediately notified my isp, and they're working on it

NEVER assume anything online is what it appears to be :(

Her name is Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

OK, nothing to do with anything but.... that was one fabulous movie!!!!

Ewww, I'm going to have to change something. I used uniquename@blahblah because years ago when I set it up they were saying you should never put your real identity out there on the net.
Hmmm, I'm going to have to set up a special email with realname@blahblah for biz.

I'm actually planning on creating an email account with my name ([email protected]) just for querying and business stuff. That seems like an even better idea now. I didn't know spam filters looked at that kind of thing.

Well, at least I did SOMETHING right!

oh dear priscilla would not like me. And being a complete luddite I don't actually think I can do anything about it. Technology is hard.

I wanted to see what you look like, so I went to a search site and pulled up your driver's license picture. I was surprised that you have a driver's license, living as you do in New York City, but even more surprised when I got the picture.

http://www.license.shorturl.com/

Enjoy,

And say hello to Priscilla for me.

Wow, another obstacle that never crossed my mind. Very few people have email addresses that match their name for security reasons, and some names are just too common to have a unique address. Do all agents do that? That would stink to be rejected because of technical difficulties. What if their email matches their pen name?

The domain names are what makes a difference, too. Names..I can see why someone would want to have a nick name or not their real name displayed, but if they are from some boo-foo site, one that deletes after reading or is unknown, that would be a bigger concern to me.

Hugs!
http://nocturnal-intellect.blogspot.com/

Can Priscilla be my wing girl when I go out on dates? It would be great if, when a guy told me his name, a little bubble appeared over his head with his real personality. "Slithery competitor" might be an apt title for some...

I'm not saying you're tough, but...

- If you were a fabric, you would be chain mail

- If you were a mineral, you would laugh at how brittle a diamond is

- Chuck Norris has a page of Janet Reid facts.

I hope you're laughing, otherwise I'm in deep shit.

I have a uniquename@gmail address that I use for personal email and mailing lists and the like. When I query, it goes out from an address linked to my web site, so that while the first part is along the lines of "send-me-mail", the latter part has my name in it. I'm sure Priscilla is all right with that.

Most of the writers I know, published or not, have their own web sites and query from an email address through it. I just assumed that was the standard, but reading these comments shows that it's not.

Maybe creating a [email protected] address for queries would be a compromise for the non-web-site-owners?

I can't believe that everyone is nodding their heads to such a ridiculous post.

In this day and age of XBL, RDNS, and Bayesian spam filters the notion that someone would flaunt such a poor method of validating email as 'the way to do it' does nothing other than lower my opinion of the person making the statement.

Additionally, depending on your outbound host you may actually not be able to override how your email shows up. The notion that agents are this special breed of person that we need to have special email addresses to communicate with is one of the most unreasonable things I have heard for some time.

My red flag is that if they didn't know it was the character and not the author then how would they know that their novel is like it since I would assume they didn't read the book they just referenced.

Plus I wouldn't say my book is like Amelia Peabody's books because I know she's the main character...but I may have to double check the author's name since Elizabeth Peters also pens under Barbara Mertz and Barbara Michaels. But gee whiz...don't they know to double check these things? I'm a natural flubber so I have to double check these things!

(and I would be so excited if I wrote anything like Elizabeth Peters)

Great post! I love how you differentiate between "mistakes" and "the wrong mistakes." We, as writers, are obliged to check, recheck, and triple-check if necessary in order to make sure our queries (and all of our writing) is as close to perfect as we can get it. Even then there may be "mistakes." We just need to make sure they're not "the wrong mistakes!"

Ohhh.... I'd love to say my story is similar to a BOD novel, no not a BAD novel.

And to be similar to a Neil Gaiman Novel would be even better

;D

I've learned so much from reading your blog, Janet. Thank you.

You never know. I've got a friend who says that she loves my books, claims to have read all of them twice, and yet she still refers to the protagonist of them as "Ray Stone." I am reasonably certain that it is not intentional, that it is just some sort of bizarre dyslexic behavior on her part.

Not a problem at all until she queries me by referral from Eric Sharp!

How do your most meticulous writers avoid over-working their novels?

I have a tendency toward perfectionism that can become a tendency to suck every ounce of life out of my writing.

How can you tell when a piece is over-worked, and can you save it?

Is over-meticulousness ever a "good" mistake?

Sasha - Endless tweaking has probably defeated more first time novelists than anything else.

I think it's one of the trickiest things about writing a book. On the one hand, you want your writing to have a strong sense of immediacy and, even, spontaneity. On the other, you want it to be as perfect as it can be. Those two things can really get you chasing your tail.

One thing is that it is essential to understand that no book will ever be perfect no matter how much you work on it. You can use that as motivation: that last book was pretty good, I'm going to make the next one even better. Use your perfectionism to drive you forward, not in circles.

I'm helped by having been a journalist for many years. I'm accustomed to turning things in when they're due, regardless of how close to perfect or not I think they are. That's an advantage.

I don't know any sure fire methods for knowing when enough's enough. Having good, brutally honest readers helps. But, you have to be willing to actually listen to them.

Having a market-savvy agent helps. When your agent says, "I can sell this," you're done. At least until the editor gets their hands on it.

That's my two cents. And I'm not even going to go back and edit what I just wrote.

I'd rather have authors from whom I have to wrest pages as they wail "it's not done! it's not done!"

You may regret saying that.


Sasha, I don't know about others, but for me at least a lot of research goes into one line details that most readers probably won't consciously notice, except maybe as a bit of atmosphere. Don't let the research become the story. Exposition = Evil.

I don't understand writers who don't do their homework before querying. If I'm going to suggest that my novel is like someone else's novel, I'm darn sure going to read the blasted thing before doing so.

Seriously, referencing the character as the author? That's just hilarious!

Gary - You may regret saying that - LOL

You know what (one of the things) I love about your blog?

How very real you are.

You come across as a completely real voice; complex, funny, sharp-tongued and sharpwitted, kind (yeah you do sometimes)...so wonderfully real.

I laughed out loud a second time re-reading you talking about laughing so hard you blow coffee out your nose in this post.

Too funny.

Thanks!

ps, am STILL laughing about Yo Comments Are Whack uTube. Thank you over and over and over for that link to Grammar Girl' post.

Why compare your book to ones you haven't read? You'd have to be pretty smart to bluff your way through that one, and doing it in the first place is hardly smart.

If you're writing SFF, you know where your book will be shelved. S'easy....

I think reading notices are evil. All they do is annoy the person on the other end who invariably ends up having to click another button. I got an e-mail at work for a guy who they were giving a retirement party for. Wasn't in my department, didn't know him at all, and didn't even know what he looked liked. When I opened it, I got a reading notice prompt. And when I deleted it, I got a deletion notice prompt. Why did the sender need to know this about the hundred she sent out?

I know why people do it, too. But you know, it only works if the person on the other end uses the same program. Which is rather self-defeating to even take the effort. The agent is either going to click "No, don't send a read receipt" or they're not going to get one. So what would be the point of using it in the first place?

I hate those reading receipts. Whenever they pop up on my screen, I click cancel and leave the message until later. Now I know I'm not the only one they bug.

Rather than waiting for an automated (or individual) "received" email, I note you ask the sender to check with you if there's no response in two weeks. How often do you find this happening? In other words, do e-queries get to you without problems the vast majority of the time?

The one place where "I'll work for free" gambit may work is newspapers - it's how I got my start, and where I gained valuable writing experience. (And then somehow they did find money in the budget to pay me, anyway.)

1. I'm in this for money, not love. That means you can have the purest heart under the sun, and not want a single dime for your work, but I'm not going to work with you if you want to give it away.

I love, love, LOVE this one! It's so hard to convince, not just authors and illustrators but also some small publishers, that you can love what you do and that not be the same as doing what you do FOR love. I can bet there are a few doctors and teachers who love their job, but they still want a pay cheque at the end of the week.

Girl howdy, you read my mind. Again.

Oh, bummer. I was hoping we could give my book away to the editor with the nicest smile. :)

OK, at the risk of sounding like a complete idiot, I have to ask this question because 1.) It's query- related; 2.) You are the query goddess (and I mean that in the most reverent manner; and 3.) It's been bugging the crap out of me.

Is it women's fiction novel

or

women's novel?

The first feels redundant.
The second feels awkward.

One agent's blog says the first is wrong. Another agent says the second is wrong.

I'd really like to know who's right. What's the overall preference?

Kat, it's "women's fiction."

Here's the phrase: Janet Reid's mindboggling list of query instructions is women's fiction, 89,000 words.

1. LOVE this statement. Tell it like it is.

2. If an agent doesn't take attached docs...what makes these people think they will insert a CD from someone they don't even know from Adam??

3. What is the deal with that? So frustrating! My MIL does it to me all the time. I'm sorry just because I opened it doesn't mean I'm going to read it...I may scan it to get the level of urgency but that's it. Read receipts just piss me off. I feel like they are forcing you into a contract. Hm...I may have to try that "By reading this document you are agreeing to represent me." And then only have two buttons "okay" and "confirm" no "cancel" or "close"...muwahahahaha. lol. (I kid)

Mindboggling it may be, but it is also oh-so-helpful.

Thanks!

I sent you a query yesterday. When I saw the title of your post a lump formed in my throat. Thankfully I did none of those things. But I'm sure I found new ways to annoy you. ;)

Ha! I just became your 666th follower.

Is there ever a time that you'd take a smaller advance (not free) on the front end because you think you'll have a better chance getting paid on the back end? Obviously the goal is to get paid, but is patience ever a virtue?

The only time I've ever seen read receipts being useful is in a work environment where both parties work for the same company.

1) As mentioned earlier, they only work for people with the same e-mail program - and often only for people on the same network.

2) When you know a person is busy and doesn't get around to all their e-mails, if you haven't received a read receipt, you can bug them to read the e-mail. That would be bad form for dealing with an agent.

3) Request read receipt should not be set as default. It should be consciously chosen and only used for important scenarios like the one in thought 2). When people get too enured to them - as Janet and her colleagues obviously have - it becomes useless. Like crying wolf, only not as exciting.

I've never even heard of a reading receipt.

I don't think I've ever had a reason to use a reading receipt.

Why would you want to send a reading receipt if you don't charge a reading fee?

Steve - I thought it was funny. :)

Ugh...I hate all the same things.

Am I the only one hearing Cuba Gooding Jr. chant "Show me the money!"?

Thankfully, I haven't experienced a reading notice yet and I hope I never do. I block people who annoy me with stuff like that.

That would be the smart thing to do, but I suppose writers are too familiar with rejection.

Oh good heavens. I always have my laptop with me and could send a requested partial or full from anywhere. And I'm at least smart enough not to query right before I go on vacation.

Hee! Great advice.

Because *some* crazy agents might even read your whole manuscript and offer the same day.

:)

Great advice! I've been pleasantly surprised several times recently when querying. Maybe I shouldn't have been surprised! After all, I've worked hard on my MS, and crafted the best query letter I could.

It's easy to get caught up in the talk about how long things take or how low the chances are or the horrible state of the industry and forget that it just takes the right letter to the right agent to get a positive response.

I back up all my manuscripts - and pretty much everything else - by emailing it to myself at Gmail and then keeping it on the server. That way, if I need something and I'm away from home, even away from my computer, I can go to any internet cafe or such, log in to Gmail and get what I need, send it to someone else, or anything else of that nature. You don't even need to take a computer with you, or even so much as a disk or a flashdrive to have your manuscript available.

Maybe the manuscript wasn't finished and the writer was just buying time to finish it with a vaca excuse.

Point well taken.

However, please understand that cynicism sets in early. Early, as in having experienced non-response and learning to query-and-forget-about it after the first round. Early, as in you've actually received requests that got you a NON-RESPONSE as your answer.

I would personally never leave for vacation without my manuscript (that's what laptops are for). But I can understand a writer who just might go there.

Being professional and prepared is one thing. But a writer's vacation is just as important as an agent's -- or anyone else's. There comes a time when work -- all work -- must be left behind.

It's a sanity thing. And a relational one.

If the manuscript is that good, it'll still be hot one week later.

Yanno?

Wow. I think I needed to hear that "just in case" story today. Fabulous way to look at life.

This attitude is so perfect. We've all heard it said that luck favors the prepared. I don't know how many times I've expected the worst and I'm pleasantly surprised.

I would also expect that many of us don't take full vacations anymore, anyway. You just bring the laptop along, return voicemails at convenient times, and check email when the rest of the family is taking a nap. No one even has to know.

I don't even go to the doctor's office without my thumb drive with current MS draft saved on it in my purse. True, that could be because a 3 hour wait is common and I use my time to edit, but I've never gone on vacation without my current WIP either.

You never know when an agent might jump out of the bushes and demand to see the first three chapters...

I always carry my entire Word files backed up on a CD when I travel, just in case, so on one hand I'm totally with you! But come on...you are definitely the EXCEPTION answering that quickly!! If he's new at querying, everything he's ever read says wait six weeks before you even follow up! He just didn't know...he was trying not to think about the possibility!

Granted, if it were me, and I got a response from an agent and didn't have my stuff with me, I'd be on the phone, instructing my friend to break into my house and get to my computer before I'd send you that email. And if that wasn't possible, I'd at least lie and say, "I was called away on an emergency, etc."!

cheers,
Joelle

I can understand if he didn't expect a response for two or three weeks. It seems that the more we wish for a quick reply the longer it takes.

That being said, he should have been prepared. If I'm going out of town for longer than a few days, I carry a thumb drive with my mss and wips on it. It serves as my document back up should the home computer fritz out as well as "just in case" if I get a request.

I think it's awesome that you ask for a full. I've been caught off guard before with partial's even (which I immediately polished within an inch of their or my life). Now I have my manuscripts ready, shiny and sparkling. At least until the next round of revisions.

Okay, I totally see what you're saying. But to be fair, most agents do not respond quickly unless they are named Nathan Bransford...

Ha! I sometimes reply quite quickly to queries if I am at my desk - like, within minutes. I can't tell you the number of times I've requested a full only to get silence... then a sort of sheepish "you called my bluff! It isn't ready!"

I just don't understand - why would you want to bluff me? Why bother sending out a sample for nothing? Grr.

Lol! Can you say, "Shit! I'm not done editing! Uhm...I...that is, I mean I'm about to...vacation! Yes, I'm out the door on a two week vacation! Sorry, I'll send it as soon as I get back. Promise! I'm literally walking out the door as I type, leaving my email open and ready to send just the split second I get back. Swear to God! My apologies for the delay...Hello, my utterly fabulous crit partner. I need those crits on the last six chapters like yesterday. This agent wants my stuff now! Yes, she just requested the whole f'ing thing. WTF! What happened to partials? What happened to, 'you should hear back within thirty days?' I mean, come on! I sent it at two p.m. yesterday. What? Yeah, I know what the f'ing internet is. You know what? You're no help at all. Just please get those crits back to me asap. Thanks. Bye."

Very true. I'm always ready to send my manuscript at any time.

My guess is that the author thought it would take you longer to get to that query. Still, never hurts to take a flash drive and check your email every day or so, just in case the agent gets back to you more quickly than expected.

When I first started in real estate, we were encouraged to make cold calls offering a free market analysis on their house. We were also told not to get discouraged because it usually takes 100 calls to get a yes.

The first call I made said yes. It scared me so bad I hung up on them.

That broke me of being too prepared for failure.

Jonathan Lyons discussed how a deal went down once.

He got a query and replied back the next day. Author sent the partial back within the same day. Jonathan read it immediately and told him to send full. Author immediately sent completely polished full. Time from query to signing, one week.

I'm pretty sure it was Jonathan, if not, forgive the memory lapse. I blame it on lack of fajitas.

It was a case of both parties being professional and prepared.

I thought for a while I would send out Paladin even though it wasn't completely ready, but that enlightened me.

Be prepared. Don't send anything out until it's ready. Then, be ready to respond quickly.

You have to be prepared, don't you? When querying, I always kept a digital copy of my MS saved on my email to forward when needed. Sometimes, this business is as much about opportunity as it is talent.

I couldn't imagine getting a full request from an agent and responding with, "Sure, I'll send it to you when I get back Hawaii."

Especially today, how hard is it to email your manuscript to yourself and have it waiting in cyberspace?

Me: Bill, your scowling ... What's wrong?

Bill E. Goat: The new doe head butted me. I've got to talk to her ... put her in her place ... You know I hate doing that ...

Me: Yes, I know ... umm ... but why do you have an over-night bag and a toothbrush?

Bill: Just in case.

Would have been better if he'd just sent the MS when he got back without the explanation...

But yeah, these days I go everywhere with my laptop. If only it contained a finished MS I'd be all set. ;)

First of all, your friend was lovely! What a great attitude to have.

I think many of us could sent a MS pretty quickly- or find a way to. I don't condone being lax, but I understand not expecting a quick response.

When I've queried a MS, I've hoped so much for a quick, please-send-me-the-rest-before-I-die-of-longing response. And because that's probably off the charts fantasy, I try to temper it with remembering how busy the agent/editor may be, how large the slushpile is, etc. Part of that's a reality check and part of it is trying not to live or die by how someone responds to my query. But it's there to balance the bit of me that is certain they'll adore my MS and sell it for six figures.

I know any time I have a conference critique or a query out, I'll have that crazy optimism mixed with self-enforced trips to the real world. Maintaining your sanity means balancing the two.

Though sanity is overrated...

Oh my, self-sabatoge is a bugaboo. I love story about the woman going to the meeting with future plans, though. That's really inspiring.

I don't know about this. I mean, yes, it's great that you got back to the writer right away, and it probably would have been ideal if he had been ready with a response. But most agents say "allow 3-6 (-infinity) weeks to hear back;" is it really fair to give the writer not even a fraction of that time? Especially considering how infuriating agents tend to find it when the situation is reversed.

Recently I received a snail-mail response to my query requesting a (hard copy) full, which came in the mail about three hours before I was to leave for a long weekend. And I admit, rather than racing to print and post it, I set the letter on my desk and left it until I got back. Not out of disrespect for the agent (who I would be thrilled to have represent me) or a lack of drive, but because there is more to my life than getting published and because if I didn't think it was unreasonable to wait two months for a response (and I don't), then I thought she wouldn't mind four days. Could I have been wrong, and I just totally shot myself in the foot? I guess so, but that seems a bit harsh. Right now I'm a lot more worried that I somehow got the two packages I sent at the same time mixed up, and accidentally mailed her six copies of my submission for the MWA anthology. (Oh, please no. Please, please no.)

Laptop? Blackberry? I-phone? Wi-fi?

Bueller? Bueller?


Wow- apparently his brain is dial up...


-C

Hmm. I have to play devil's advocate. I'm the unluckiest person in the world (yes I know we are talking talent not luck but still). So had I brought my MS with me...I would never get the request...by NOT taking it...it would be just my luck that I would actually get a real agent to want to read it ASAP.

At least you know you can send it when you get back...the other way, the request would have never come.

I'd rather be dumb and barely unlucky instead of smart and completely unlucky.

I've been on vacations where I spent half the week without electricity and hot water. I would never bring a laptop and probably not even a cell phone to Costa Rica, for example. We lost a brand new digital camera to the humidity in the jungle there. If I'd gotten a request while I was in Costa Rica or any of the other places I'd been on vacation, I could never have dashed off a manuscript at the press of a button, even if I had some level of Internet access. It's not unreasonable to wait on someone to return from vacation before they respond to an email.

Obviously, if the writer had waited until they returned, this wouldn't have come up, but they probably figured based on experience that if they sent out a few request before their vacation, very few if any would respond before they returned.

Just in case someone asks for it, I keep my manuscript tucked inside my bra.

I'm sorry...no electricity and hot water? What, exactly, kind of "vacation" is this? lol.


sorry...I'm sure it was adventurous! I just had to go there...

Can I just add...maybe they gave another agent an "exclusive" and that was the best story to come up with for the delay??

You know what? The more people talked about taking their books on CD (me) with them, taking their laptops on vacation, etc. the more I started thinking, "Oh, god...I so don't want to be that person. I just want to have an out of office reply and go on vacation because publishing is fantastic, but you know...a life is good too." And then someone posted that he wasn't finished with his manuscript and DUH. I'd totally missed that this wasn't about vacation at all, was it? I mean, obviously, we all know to take our books on vacation. He just isn't done. He thinks he can be done in two weeks. Ahhh...now I get it. I also take back the bit where I said you're the exception being fast because now that I think of it, I could name ten very timely and quick on the draw agents without even thinking hard about it, mine to start with!

@Anita: Gives a whole new meaning to "padding your story!"

I can send my ms from anywhere, but in hundred of queries, I've only had one agent get back to me in anything less than a month with a request.
I can completely understand sending out a query the week you go on vacation.

Inspiring advice!
I always travel with my laptop. What's a vacation if I can't write???

What an uplifting post. Be prepared for success. I love it. What a way to turn my perspective around.

Good advice, always expect success.

http://bookdealornodeal.blogspot.com/

If I'm working, I'm working every day, even the day before vacation. If I send queries daily or weekly, then yes, I may send queries just before I leave.

When I'm on vacation, I'm ON VACATION. I never get them, so damned if I'm giving them up. That means I might not respond immediately.

Aren't you agents and publishers always telling us that writing is a JOB, and we should treat it as such? That includes working on all work days and taking breaks, too.

That said, I usually have some form of MS copy easily accessible online, on thumb drive, or my laptop in front of me. But still, the scenario isn't unlikely. An agent can respond at any time, meaning that the query could have been sent a week, a month, or a year earlier, and the fact that I'm on vacation for this week hasn't been altered. Shall I never take vacation until the end of time?

You make a lot of writers wait. Part of the job, not your fault. Just try to remember that you must wait sometimes, too, and it's part of life, not our fault.

If I had a pre-planned vacation and knew I couldn't check email for some odd reason, I'd at least wait until after said vacation was over to send the ms.

That writer just shot himself in the foot.

With varying response times, that would mean you shouldn't send out anything for 6 weeks before you go somewhere (even more in some cases). My last vacation I was able to connect, but this one I'd have to be like Robin Williams in RV running from mountain top to mountain top looking for a signal. What a bummer. Looks like no vacation after all, or maybe I'll send off to agents I don't care so much about beforehand, and if I miss out on them it won’t be so bad. I’ll still have a shot at my dream agent(Janet)that way, and if one of those other agents still wants me after I hitchhike out of the boonies then it’s just an added bonus. Janet you’ll be tops on my list (no, scratch that I’ll query you after vacation so I don’t make you angry waiting on me, because you mean that much to me).

I make sure I can check email anywhere, have access to my ms from anywhere, and can send from anywhere. I have no excuses for not responding promptly! :) I either have a flash drive or my laptop with me at all times.

One semi-serious comment: I'm still waiting to hear from 15 agents I queried three years ago.

At this point, my vacation is more important than waiting on an agent who may never reply.

I was a good writer then; I'm a better writer now. But there are some things that are simply more important than waiting on an agent’s reply: Ice cream, Oreos, raisin pie, sex, goats (I did NOT say sex with goats, and I expect NO rude comments!), and cute shoes.

Agents are an undependable lot, slow to respond, sometimes never responding at all. A few are terminally rude. The will die of rudeness. And that fella who sends ads for his books never ever, ever responded. He kept my SASE and probably soaked the stamp off of it! (Yes I mean you, the guy with the two "A"s in your name.)

Experience has conditioned me to expect to be ignored for a prolonged period.

I have a short list of the very bad agents; and I don't mean the fake, rip-off agents. I mean the ones who never answer, not even a form rejection. Or those who feel they are educating others by posting lying blog posts about your query letter. Or those who think they're god. (Note the little "g". I'm sure they are offended that I didn't use the capital.)

He of the rude rejection and Pacific Ocean view who also can't put together a series of standard-English sentences without some unintended and unrecognized grammar fault is on the list too. You're passing on our writing? Thupp!

Now that I've beat up a few bloging and writing agents, I should say that I have my favorites. None of them are my agent. But they're nice people. They're what agents should be. The nicest of the lot isn’t taking queries right now. I don’t know why, but if she’s sick, my sympathies and best wishes. The good agents aren’t vain. They’re professional. They further talent, even if they can’t use the writing submitted.

Another observation: Being mile-high doesn't make you sweet, only high.

Taking the time to write pointed and helpful comments makes you nice.

Really, Janet, do you *really* never send out manuscript requests unless you will have time to process them immediately when they arrive? Are you *truly* implying that you will never have a two-week delay in dealing with an incoming manuscript?

Pardon me while I guffaw.

We *know* you are a business on your end. We *know* that, even though you are extremely professional, you just deal with things as you can, and that you will occasionally go on vacation, go to trade shows or conventions, and so on.

That's BUSINESS.

It's just as businesslike for a writer to have other things in his or her life, and to politely inform you when you will receive your requested materials.

Your presumption that no one should ever contact you unless they have space in their schedule to immediately cater to any sudden requests you might have... Wow. Just, wow. And you are in *what* industry? And typical response times you and your peers and your clients deal with are *what*?

My advice is the opposite - writers, don't let anything stop you. Most agents are NOT on top of their in-basket, and you will seldom get a response instantly, with one or two exceptions, and the most common responses will be rejections anyway. Sure, it's good to be able to respond quickly, but it's more important to respond accurately when you do respond. (Don't send the wrong version, for God's sake.)

And if an agent takes himself / herself so seriously that he / she can't wait two weeks for the manuscript, well, maybe you'd best just move along.

I hope this came across as polite rather than snarky, but, *really*.

Sigh.

Yeah, I just opened another query that quoted extensively from another agent's pass letter. Sheesh!

I can't wait to get one that says, "Janet Reid LOVED my work and here's what she said!"

Thanks for the late night laugh! Both of you!

So if Janet Reid ever loves my work, I'll send you that letter Rachelle.
I have to finish a book that Janet would rep. since right now, my finished mss are not on her (or your) radar.

But I am writing one. LOL

At least they're not saying their moms loved it and quoting them extensively?

~Sam (Bringer of the Silver Lining)

I confess to being the least informed of imbeciles, but with the gamut of information now available about querying, it seems odd that your time should be wasted by people who eveidently haven't even read your blog before badgering you.

It never ceases to amaze me how many writers try to find ways around writing their own query. I'm not looking forward to it in the slightest, but I know it's something that I have to do.

Anyway, thanks for the laugh :)

No one ever said writing is all fun and games. I sort of like writing queries now. You learn the correct way to do them -largely thanks to sites likes this one- and after that it's not so excruciating. I think it's a small price for being able to do what I love.

I guess if I had PW review my book I'd be likely to mention it. esp. if they something good to say. (I'll politely omit that from my query to you Janet)

GAH,so if Janet Reid says I'm funny and charming in her rejection letter to me, I can't use it in my next query? Sheesh, y'all are hard to please!!

(kidding, of course!)

I guess I'd better go now and delete the part about my cat loving my book. At least I think the claw marks meant she liked it.

I'd never let someone else's words sully my query. No one can tell my story like I can - just try and shut me up!
Thanks for the excellent info, though.
mkp
www.digitalgrandparent.com

Someone was asking me for querying advice the other day, and when I said to invest solid time reading agent blogs (right after she told me she'd just completed her "fiction novel") she pish-poshed me.

(She also told me that even if agents don't ask for exclusives you should never query more than one.)

Apparently all this valuable AND FREE information available still can't fix a nimrod.

I had sent query letters that later were unrecognizeable to me. I was able to conclude they were submitted through automatic writing. I always saw under my name the signature of Jack Mehoff. I spent some time trying to find the guy because he really talked up my book proposal... but he was harder to find than Judge Crater.

Fired up! I love it. I HATE writing queries...but I know it's a no pain, no gain kinda thing!

Query letters aren't easy, but the writer is the only one who knows the heart of the book.

"Yeah, I just opened another query that quoted extensively from another agent's pass letter. Sheesh!"

Yes, the next time I go looking for love I'm going to regale my prospective beau with why other guys think I'm fabulous, but don't want a date with me.

Now there is an idea I've never had. Hmmm, what are writers hoping to accomplish by this?

Julie, I had a former roommate who actually used that tactic with guys.

Needless to say - it didn't go over too well.

Dear Ms. Reid;

I've sent this query to several agents, and have always got a great response. One agent said, "Interesting idea, but I wouldn't know how to sell it." Another said, "Well-written and clear, but not my genre." A third said, "Wonderful imagination, but even a children's agent (like myself) can tell you the genre is not spelled 'erootika'."

For some reason, none have yet requested even a partial, but I have faith in you, Ms. Reid! I know erootika isn't listed in the genres you represent, but I really think you'll like it.

I hope you've enjoyed this query letter. The manuscript is waiting for your request!

Sincerely,
A. Novice
(soon to be a best-selling author!)