NOTE TO SELF: Is this story kosher?
Perhaps it's just the cynic in me but I find this a little hard to swallow.
Jones Soda Co., a Seattle-based purveyor of offbeat fizzy water, is selling holiday-themed limited-edition packs of flavored sodas. What makes this story intriguing is that they are proposing a ham-and-latke-flavored soda.
Talk about trying to be everything to everyone!
Jones Sodas Christmas Pack flavors include Sugar Plum, Egg Nog, Christmas Tree and Christmas Ham. They are also claiming that their newest product will be kosher - including the ham!
Actually, the packages are divided up according to the holiday with the Christmas pack featuring such flavors as Sugar Plum, Christmas Tree, Egg Nog and Christmas Ham. The Hanukkah pack will have Jelly Doughnut, Apple Sauce, Chocolate Coins and Latke sodas.
"As always, both packs are kosher and contain zero caffeine," Jones said in a statement.
The packs will go on sale Sunday, with a portion of the proceeds to be given to charity, the company said.
Jones' products feature original label art and frequently odd flavors. Last year's seasonal pack was Thanksgiving-themed, with Green Pea, Sweet Potato, Dinner Roll, Turkey and Gravy, and Antacid sodas.
For its contract to supply soda to Qwest Field, home of the Seattle Seahawks, Jones came up with Perspiration, Dirt, Sports Cream and Natural Field Turf. The company -- fortunately or unfortunately -- prides itself on the accuracy of the taste.
Excuse me while I gag...
Jones also makes more traditional flavors, including root beer, cherry and strawberry. I dunno - call me silly but I'll pass on the ham soda.
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Blog: NOTE TO MYSELF (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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By: Eleanor Tylbor,
on 11/16/2007
Blog: Miss Snark, the literary agent (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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By: Miss Snark,
on 4/24/2007
This is how "literary agent" scam artists stay in business. It's why vanity POD mills stay in business.
There are some people so far afield they're even out of range of the clue cannon.
Blog: Miss Snark, the literary agent (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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By: Miss Snark,
on 4/12/2007
Ok, let's review some facts here:
it took you five months to write three chapters.
She's had the three chapters for five days and you're wondering if you should call her?
Have you lost your fucking mind?
DO NOT FUCK THIS UP.
You have the interest and attention of someone who likes your work well enough to call you up, ask for it, and sit around waiting for you to tweak your commas for five months without calling you up and harrassing you. Look, she's got a mortgage to pay and a dog to feed. You think the dog eats leftovers??
DO NOT CALL HER.
Do not write to her.
Do not think about her.
And in case you're wondering there's this little thing called the London Book Fair coming up. And taxes are due. And the new Greek and Roman galleries are opening at the Met. We're busy here. Go work on chapter four.
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Blog: NOTE TO MYSELF (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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0 Comments on Oi! Kosher ham soda? as of 1/1/1900
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Blog: Miss Snark, the literary agent (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
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Miss Snark, does this Craig's List ad make you wonder if the writer's mother can read at an adult level? How adventurous, indeed! Wha...???
Literary Agent need for new unpublished children's author
I wrote a children's book for preteens. I have sent numerous query letters with many denials. I have had many people critque my book and love it. I just can not get a literary agent to spend time to see it. I would like to publish my book. It's adventurous and sci-fi.
This is how "literary agent" scam artists stay in business. It's why vanity POD mills stay in business.
There are some people so far afield they're even out of range of the clue cannon.
15 Comments on Not even nitwittery for this one, last added: 4/27/2007
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Blog: Miss Snark, the literary agent (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Nitwittery abounds, No no no NO (did I mention no often enough yet), Add a tag
Dear Miss Snark
Firstly, I am fragile today as my boiler has broken down, so please be gentle. (Miss Snark sees your vulnerability. It doesn't stop her from skewering you of course, but she sees it)
My question is this; I had a short story published in an anthology, and was spotted by an agent from a BIG literary agency. She took me out to lunch, asked to see more work which has taken me 5 months to complete because of The Sims.
I have finally sent 3 chapters of a new project she wanted to see,and she said she would read it over the weekend - she is very very very good with communication normally. It's been 5 days minus the weekend. She must have read it. Whats taking all the extra time? Since we have a sortof relationship, does that mean I shouldn't worry too much about the delay? Do other people at the agency need to read it to? Do they need to leave it to stew on a cooker for a while before letting me know what they think?
I know you normally say 30 days min but I do have a relationship with her right? Do you take this long responding to clients? She did say she'd read it over
the weekend? Am I just stressing? *Munches cheese and onion crisps*
I love your blog by the way. (we'll see about that my pretty)
Ok, let's review some facts here:
it took you five months to write three chapters.
She's had the three chapters for five days and you're wondering if you should call her?
Have you lost your fucking mind?
DO NOT FUCK THIS UP.
You have the interest and attention of someone who likes your work well enough to call you up, ask for it, and sit around waiting for you to tweak your commas for five months without calling you up and harrassing you. Look, she's got a mortgage to pay and a dog to feed. You think the dog eats leftovers??
DO NOT CALL HER.
Do not write to her.
Do not think about her.
And in case you're wondering there's this little thing called the London Book Fair coming up. And taxes are due. And the new Greek and Roman galleries are opening at the Met. We're busy here. Go work on chapter four.
21 Comments on Yes, yes we have a nitwit!, last added: 4/18/2007
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So so sad. Really. Here is an author highly invested in their work and they now are prey for scammers.
I find it heart wrenching.
I propose the immediate construction of a Clue Star. Like the Death Star, only... bigger.
Fleet Admiral Yapp, see to it.
Or posting a plea for readers to "send an agent over" to the author's website because, yanno (tm), they're lookin fer one. I've seen this twice at the Gather contest, from two of the "winners" so far.
Hi. I've actually made some legitimate magazine sales off of craigslist, so I used to read the writer's section regularly. When I would see listings like this, I would send the writer a little note just giving them a head's up on a better way to go about this. Like joining The Society of Children's Book Writer's or reading The Children's Marketplace. I quit doing this when the third or fourth "writer" yelled at me (via email) for crushing their dreams and "if I was such a big time writer, why was I reading cragislist" etc. You can't help those who won't help themselves.
Well it's not quite as bad as the guy on Craig’s who keeps insisting that he's "invented" some genre he calls spiritual sci-fi.
I'm sorry, Ms. S., but there are no literary agent scam artists. There are only hopeful people, and P.T. Barnums, who help them hold on to their dreams a little while longer. In the end, what the heck does a few bucks one way or another matter? It's not like giving your bank account number to a guy in Nigeria who wants to launder three million dollars and give you ten percent. And, in the end, look at this snazzy book I got with my name on it. :)
"I quit doing this when the third or fourth "writer" yelled at me (via email) for crushing their dreams."
Sucks when that happens, but don't give up. Maybe those writers are actually scamming agents in disguise?
I have a number of writing and publishing-related articles on my site, and to date I've had many thank-yous and only one 'you crushed my dream' response.
I said something nice and soothing to the crushed dream person, but what I should have said was 'You're way too fragile for this game.'
Poor frustrated person. Let's all just hope that the scammers don't see that ad, or that somebody warns her in time.
Anybody know how I can get in touch with that guy in Nigeria? My rent's due.
Craigslist is one of those places where you never know...but it's amazing how many writers are posting ads like this.
Has anyone bothered to send her a link to Predators & Editors so she can make a legit start?
She clearly knows nothing about the business, so she goes with a venue with which she is familar. It's not her fault it's the wrong one. She might have been misinformed by a helpful, but equally ignorant friend.
For all we know she could be the next Rowling and just needs to be pointed in the right direction.
I did the same earlier this week. Some dude was trying to sell his screenplay on eBay. I sent him a link to a page on Absolute Write. The quality of his writing didn't matter; he just needed a little help and it costs nothing to give back.
If a kid is lost in a big store you point her to the big desk out front and maybe she can avoid all the roaming creeps.
On a related note, I just Googled "publishing", "how to get published", and "getting published". In each case, the first results were the paid ads ("sponsored links") by XLibris, PublishAmerica, AuthorHouse, etc. Some of them included subheadings such as "Learn how to get published - Free kit" and "Avoid the stigma of paying a publisher! We want your book, not your money."
Evidently it's not hard to be suckered.
Re the "how to get published" on Google - the 5th or 6th actual result (not paid link) is my site, with the aforementioned articles on writing. On google AU mine's the first.
Not all hope is lost - if a newbie opens the first few links they'll get a balanced view from my pages. (And I'll be crushing more dreams...)
By the way, the more people link to a legit article the higher it moves up the rankings. I don't care if that's mine, P&E, Jim McDonald's or Ian Irvine's, but you only have to put a link to a legit article in your blog with 'How to get published' as the link text and you'll be doing your bit. There are many more of us than there are of them.
I have sent out numerous query letters with many denials.
Well, at least s/he is conscious of having "many denials" about what s/he is doing.
No, he/she is still in complete denial. The author clearly thinks the 'many denials' were by people who don't see the genius of the books and/or author.
To continue looking for an agent when people who've read your book and turned it down (or maybe the author is stuck at the query stage, and then book is OK) is silly. Better to go on and write a second that no one will ever publish. Then a third. Ad infinitum.