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Irene S. Levine, author of Best Friends Forever, is interviewed by Heidi Stevens in a feature article on friendships for the Chicago Tribune: "Kids can do a number on friendships — eating up the time previously reserved for lengthy phone calls, girls' night out, basketball with the guys. When a circle of friends starts having kids around the same time, the pals tend to give each other a pass. But when one friend has kids and the other doesn't, the dynamics of that friendship get trickier.

The time differential is the most obvious challenge. The child-rearing friend and the child-free friend are likely both busy, but often at opposite times of the day: 8 p.m. for one friend means winding down homework and gearing up for bedtime, while the other friend may just be heading out for dinner. For parents, weekends are a time to reconnect with their kids after a week of school and work. For non-parents, weekends are for hanging with pals.

But schedules are only part of it. Previously inseparable friends often start to feel like they live on different planets. Your buddy wants to fill you in on his latest dating conquests, and you're lucky to schedule "date night" once every few months. The key is owning up to those feelings, say experts. Admit — early and often — that the friendship has changed, possibly forever, but that doesn't mean it has to end.

"No relationship is perfect and neither are friendships," says Irene S. Levine, author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend (Overlook Press). "Kids are always a challenge that upsets the balance, but if you talk about it you can often work it out."
Levine says to focus on the things you still have in common, whether it's where you grew up, where you work or a shared hobby. "The more ties people have, the closer they remain usually," Levine says. "If the friendship was tenuous to start with, the baby could be the Achilles heel that kills it."

Dr. Irene S. Levine, author of Best Friends Forever, offers salient advice on breaking up with your best friend in a feature story posted on Lemondrop: It's important to recognize that not all friendships last forever," says Dr. Irene S. Levine, professor of psychiatry at NYU and author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend. "They're dynamic and change over time, and two friends don't always change in the right direction." Here, she gives us the how-to on parting ways with your best friend.

Heed the signs. "When being together feels like it's consistently draining you of energy, it's time to think about ending the friendship," Dr. Levine says. Does your stomach knot up every time she calls to meet up? Does she always leave you hanging when you need her most while you drop everything to be by her side? Realize that relationships aren't perfect, but if its become a toxic one filled with mistrust and disagreements rather than movie nights and martinis, it could be creeping towards its expiration date.

Break it down gently. Remember that you were besties once upon a time, so try to keep the hurt to a minimum. Plus, she might not have a clue that you want out. "Avoid a direct confrontation and don't breakup in the heat of an argument," Dr. Levine suggests. "Unless there was a betrayal that you need to talk about openly, step back slowly, seeing less and less of one another."

Expect backlash. Not only will this affect your ex-buddy, but any mutual friends as well. Let them know that you're no longer BFFs, but hold off on the dirty details. "Try to understand the hurt your friend feels at being dumped without having a say in the matter," Dr. Levine says. "You'd probably feel the same way." And own up to the breakup. "Instead of blaming the other person, assume responsibility for your decision," she adds.

Heal and move on. Pity parties shouldn't be the only activities on your calendar. "Engage in life with the people and things you enjoy," Dr. Levine suggests. "Try to remember all you're taking away from the relationship and the lessons learned."

Dr. Irene Levine, author of Best Friends Forever, offers her take on "unfriend," recently named by Oxford American Dictionary as the 2009 "Word of the Year:

"The New Oxford American Dictionary chose the verb "unfriend" as its 2009 Word of the Year (WOTY) and defined it this way: "to remove someone as a ‘friend' on a social networking site such as Facebook." The word "has both currency and potential longevity," explained Christine Lindberg, Oxford's senior lexicographer on the OUP Blog. The choice of this year's word is telling because the act of unfriending (or defriending) is part of the pruning process of maintaining a presence on social media, like Facebook, MySpace and LinkedIn. It's easy to collect more friends than you want or need, including many contacts that may turn out not to be "friends" by any reasonable definition of the word. Fortunately, if someone posts too often, bores you, lurks without posting, has questionable politics or ethics, says something caustic or insensitive, acts unpredictably, or even uses too many exclamation points, it's relatively easy to get rid of them electronically---with no more than a few keystrokes. But dumping a true friend-online or off-isn't as easy because it raises the risk of collateral damage. When two people are really "friends," they're likely to have numerous connections. They may have common friends, live in the same neighborhood, share a workplace or livelihood, belong to the same community or organizations, or have exchanged information (including secrets and confidences) with one another. So a word of caution: Even though a new verb has entered the common parlance, think twice before you unfriend. Doing it carries some of the same risks of dumping someone offline."

AARP The Magazine has chosen Dr. Irene S. Levine's Best Friends Forever as one of the top ten "Books for Grownups" for their October 2009 issue: "Though popular culture pays lip service to the power of women's friendships, rarely does it acknowledge the great pain felt when such a bond is broken. Psychologist Levine surveys the grieving process that women experience when a close alliance collapses. She also counsels us how to revive a troubled friendship—and how to know when it's time to let it go."

Dr. Irene S. Levine stopped by The Today Show this morning to discuss her new book Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend with Kathie Lee and Hoda.

What happens to our friendships? Why do some grow richer with time, others disappear, and others come to a crashing, often unanticipated, end? How do you tell the difference between the ones that are keepers that are definitely worth saving and the ones that should be discarded? Best Friends Forever explores these vital questions for today's women. To find out more about the book, visit Irene's Friendship Blog!

Dr. Irene Levine, author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend and The Huffington Post's "Friendship Doctor," is on the radio and on the road in support of her new book, just released in paperback. Best Friends Forever was launched on September 2o - National Woman's Friendship Day - that was marked by fantastic gathering and celebration in Irene's home town of Chappaqua, NY.

Meet "The Friendship Doctor" at these upcoming events:

09/30/2009 - 7:30pm
Discussion and Book-Signing
Border's White Flint - 11301 Rockville Pike
North Bethesda, MD

10/11/2009 - 2:00pm
Discussion and Book-Signing
Barnes and Noble Palisades Mall - 4416 Palisades Center Drive
West Nyack, NY

10/27/2009 - 7:00pm
Reading, Discussion & Book-Signing
Greenburgh Public Library - 300 E Main Street
Elmsford, NY

Best Friends Forever is a groundbreaking and heroically honest book for abandoned friends seeking solace. Perfect for women of all ages and from all walks of life, Best Friends Forever covers: Why friendships fall apart; Coping with getting dumped; How to end a friendship that can t be fixed; Moving forward after a traumatizing breakup. Dr. Levine draws from years of research and the personal testimonials of thousands of women to provide anecdotes and solutions to these complicated situations. Full of tools for personal assessment, case stories, and actionable advice for saving, ending, or re-evaluating a relationship, Best Friends Forever is an indispensable addition to every woman's library.

ForeWord magazine reviews Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, by Irene S. Levine , Ph.D. in the current issue: "Many women are brought up to believe that they should have one special friend in their lives, a BFF—Best Friend Forever. Unfortunately, this belief often leads to heartbreak, since friends are rarely forever. As people grow and change, so do the dynamics of their friendships, and many friendships lose their initial intimacy or fizzle out altogether. Levine, a psychologist and professor at New York University Medical School, guides women through the myths that set up unrealistic expectations of friendship. She discusses the various reasons a friendship can fail, offers suggestions for saving those worth saving, and tips on bowing gracefully out of those that are no longer working. “Most women relish being the chosen one, the best friend,” Levine writes about the BFF myth. However, chances are slim that one person can fill every niche in another’s life. It is more practical to think of having a close friend for different aspects of one’s life, she says, such as a mom-friend for play dates with the kids, a philosophical friend for intellectual conversations, and an outgoing friend who can introduce you to new people and experiences.

This book is of interest to all women. While much of it focuses on what can go wrong in a friendship and how to deal with endings, there is also great advice on how to make friends and keep them. Forgiveness, avoiding ruts, and apologizing when warranted are some of the ways to save a worthwhile friendship. After all, friendships are important even if they don’t last forever, and a BFF is a wonderful asset. As one woman put it, “Your best friend isn’t the person you call when you are in jail; most likely, she is sitting in the cell beside you.” - Christine Canfield