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Warning: Explicit, Icky Pregnancy-Related Post Ahead.

Seriously, if you’re not into explicit, icky pregnancy-related stuff, feel free to skip directly to Miss Alli’s brilliant recap of the Best Nine“Amazing Race” Episodes Ever, which is the funniest thing I’ve read online in a while. (Four words: "My ox is broken!")

Or, in honor of the holiday, go pick up Joe Hill’s Twentieth Century Ghosts, which is the flat-out creepiest thing I’ve read in a while. I am still haunted by the cardboard-box maze in “Voluntary Committal” (and I’m not the only one…read raves here and here).

I will even give you a nice long page break so you don’t have to accidentally encounter any pregnancy-related ickiness, because believe me, it’s the last thing I want to inflict on you, my readers.







Okay? We’re all good?

Good.

Yesterday we went to the doctor’s for the 34-week let’s-see-what-we-got ultrasound. The doctor pressed the sensor against my belly and peered at the screen. “Ouch,” he said. “Wow. That can’t feel good.”

Long story short: the baby is breech. Transverse breech, to be specific, which means it's sort of lying sideways, with the head snug up underneath my diaphragm and stomach (which explains why I can’t eat more than three bites of anything without suffering the instantaneous pangs of the Heartburn of Doom, and why I took my last deep breath in August). Meanwhile, the baby’s feet are doing hourly performances of Riverdance atop my nether regions.

I wasn’t too surprised. Having been through this before, I know that pregnancy equals discomfort…but I also knew that lately I’ve been uncomfortable in a completely different way than I was uncomfortable with Baby the First. That time, it was nagging aches and pains. This time, it’s more like searing, stabbing, oh-God-make-it-stop pain.

My doctor left us with some parting advice: do NOT go on the Internet.

“You Google ‘breech baby’ and you’re going to get all kinds of craziness,” he said sternly.

So of course, I go home and Google ‘breech baby’ and get all kinds of craziness, plus many helpful DIY techniques for how you can get a breech baby to flip him or herself head down. Turns out, if I were so inclined, I could spend fifteen minutes of every two waking hours squatting on my bed, knees to chest, with a flashlight pressed against my lower belly, saying encouraging things to the baby such as “Come to the light! Come into the light! But not like in Poltergeist!”

Good times.

Or I could go swimming, which is supposed to help, and sounds a lot more viable, and less time-consuming, than the flashlight trick.

In book news, GOOD IN BED made the Associated Press’s roundup of best book endings. The book’s described as “chick lit with a heart and some brains.” And you know what I always say: some brains are better than none brains.

Happy Halloween, everyone, and don’t forget that Princeton reading next Wednesday at 4:30. Bring flashlights!

I meant to post about this last week, but got bogged down in a post-weekend-off work slog; still it's not too late to be relevant. The Bath Festival of Children's Literature programme is now available and amongst the literally dozens of fab events they're holding are the following which made me squeak with pleasure, then moan with despair as I don't think I'll get to any of them. The second one is the one that got me most excited and despairing:

Wednesday 26th September
F1 5.30 – 6.30pm, The Forum, £5
A brilliant performer and one of the most popular writers for young people today, Anthony Horowitz will fire up the imagination with a sneak preview of his eagerly awaited new Alex Rider novel, Snakehead, discuss his bestselling series The Power of Five and deliver a quickfire question-and-answer session covering his writing for page and screen.

Friday 28th September
H2 7 – 8pm, Guildhall, £4.50
Accompanying the current Doctor Who BBC TV Series is a successful range of tie-in novels – brand new and original adventures featuring the Doctor and Martha written by some of the best writers around. This is a rare chance to hear many of these Doctor Who experts talk about how they write for the last of the Timelords. Join Mark Michalowski, Mark Morris, Paul Magrs, Justin Richards and Steve Cole in conversation with Michael Stevens, Doctor Who Range Editor at Bath-based BBC Audiobooks, for an evening of fascinating insight into everyone’s favourite time-traveller.

Sunday 23rd September
C5 11 – 12pm, Assembly Rooms, £5
You lucky people! Come and meet award-winning fantasy author Garth Nix in his first UK appearance for more than two years! Hear him talking about his current Keys to the Kingdom series, plus the legendary Old Kingdom trilogy and Shade's Children. Don't miss your chance to hear this master of storytelling explain all.

Sunday 30th September
K16 6 – 7pm, Guildhall, £4.50
A rare chance to catch together three great fantasy authors discussing their craft. Frank Beddor is a best-selling author who has written two bold fantasies inspired by Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland. Catherine Fisher's past work is popular and very highly acclaimed. Her new novel, Incarceron, is her hugely enjoyable yet terrifying vision of the future. David Clement-Davies unique brand of literary, anthropomorphic animal fantasy has won him rave reviews all over the world. His new novel, Fell, is a sequel to The Sight.

The chance to hear Justin Richards and Stephen Cole, whose Doctor Who novels I've really enjoyed, is fabulous, but 8 pm talk requires an overnight stay and as things stand, I can't afford it...

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Nancy, of the Journey Woman Blog, has just celebrated her Blogiversary (it was mine last week but did I remember? Nope ! That's two years in a row I've missed it!) and she's holding a Lives in Letters Contest during July.

She says:

The prizes:

I'll award 4 prizes, each a $25 gift card. Probably Starbucks gift cards, though I might shake it up a bit and go with Target gift cards too. Plus each winner will get one mystery prize of small monetary but huge sentimental value.

The deadline:

All entries must be in by July 31, midnight. I announce winners on August 2, which just happens to be my 39th birthday.