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I don't like to talk about my kids too much, because even though I'm in the public eye my kids didn't sign up to be in the public eye. But this story was too good to pass up...

My son is in elementary school. He's adorable and smart and hilarously funny (yes, I'm biased). As his mom, I want to guide him in values and teach him things that are important to me. (I admit wholeheartedly that my ways of thinking may be DRASTICALLY different than yours)

This is what I told my son when the subject came up (I think he asked who pays when you go out on a date): "When you're out with a girl on a date, you pay. If you can't afford to take her to a restaurant, pack up a picnic and take her to the park or make her something at home." I'm sorry if you don't agree. My father and grandfather taught me that and you may not think it's important but I do. (my friends and I argue about this). I went out with my friend Mike (Hi, Mikey!!!) for lunch a few weeks ago and even though we're not dating (I'm married) he paid for me even though I offered. I hope my son is the same way.

I dated this guy David who pumped my gas when I was the one driving (he was from out of town and didn't have a car). I was shocked that he would immediately and instinctively jump out of the car to pump my gas for me. I guess I haven't been around too many guys who thought, "Gee, I don't want her to accidentally get gas on herself." I loved that, and never forgot it. Thanks, David!

Last night my son said he loves me so much asked me to marry him. Besides warming my heart that he loves me so much (I think most little boys do this at some point in their lives) I told him I couldn't marry him for two reasons: 1) It's against the law to marry your mom (and if it's not, it should be) and 2) I'm already married

I guess my rejection didn't bother him too much, because then he asked if, when he's a teenager, when he is dating a girl but likes someone else, what does he do?

I told him to tell the girl he's dating that he either:

1) Wants to see other people and you can date more than one person at a time
or
2) You "break up" with her and tell her that it's not working out. You say that she's a great person and you had fun with her, but you want to break up. Then tell her that you can still be friends.

This was how our conversation went after that:

ME: "Either way, the girl you break up with just might: Cry about it, and tell you how much she loves you and she wants to stay together."
HIM: "If I tell her I want to date other people, then I decide I like the other person better, do I tell her that I don't like her anymore and I like the other person better?"
ME: "That would hurt her feelings."
HIM: "Oh."
ME: (duh, what a guy) "Tell her that it's not working out and you want to break up. Don't tell her you like someone else better."
HIM: "Okay."
ME: "Just know that a girl will probably break up with YOU one day, and you'll cry and be so upset and tell her you want to stay together and you love her so much."
HIM: "No, that's not going to happen, Mom."

What's funny is that I said after the breakup he says to the girl, "We can still be friends." I said this because I think it lessens the blow, but can you really be platonic friends with someone you dated? Did I give him the wrong advice? Maybe not right after the breakup, but maybe when the hurt dies down...or not. What do you think?

I have been the dumper, and the guy cried and was devastated and sent me love letters years after I broke up with him. I have also been the dumpee, and cried and did things I'm ashamed to say (example: knowing how to erase his answering machine messages remotely)

Have you been devastated by a breakup?
Have you broken up with someone who was devastated?
Are you friends with an ex-boyfriend?

Simone Elkeles

author of:
Leaving Paradise 2008 RITA® finalist
How to Ruin a Summer Vacation #3 on Top Ten Teen Books
How to Ruin my Teenage Life 2008 AJL Notable Book for Teens
2008 Author of the Year by the IL Assoc. of Teachers of English
http://www.simoneelkeles.com/