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Do you find it increasingly difficult to move forward? Is your energy and time all tied up in other obligations? Do you desire to reach for more but find you don’t have the strength left to grasp your goal?
I had been dealing with that same issue for a very long time and was completely frustrated with my lack of progress. I didn’t have a clue as to the root of the issue. I had goals, I had the work ethic, I had the passion but every time I gained momentum something would happen to pull me backward.
There were obviously some clues. For one thing, I felt spread thin. I was trying to build a business, manage a household, be on-call care giver for my parents, be the family peacemaker and boost my sister’s self-esteem and creativity. Hey, family comes first right? Yeah, until it all came to an ugly head.
So there I was standing in my living room screaming into the phone at my poor brother; I had lost it completely. The worst thing was that it wasn’t his fault. A relative had come out for a visit. She wasn’t handling her itinerary very well which was causing difficulties for people who were trying to make plans. My mother became so stressed she had a mini stroke and I had been led to believe that my brother was the one causing all the confusion. It was not until my sister started laughing at the whole scene that I realized there was something more happening-- really, what kind of person laughs at their family falling apart? Not being one to make a rash decision, I decided I needed time to step back, way back, and think this whole thing through.
How is it I find myself in this position? Is there some old definition of who I am, or my place in the family, that I am still in agreement with? Why do I repeatedly take my sister under my wing when I know she is manipulative and not to be trusted? What lies underneath the choices I make? Do I purposefully yet unknowingly hold myself back?
Then comes the tough ones… What do I feel I gain by not succeeding? Is there some emotional reason I prefer to always be reaching and not grasping? Does some part of me want to stay in this unappreciated, watch-over-everything-and-never-reach-your-dreams state?
We like to tell ourselves that we are free individuals making conscious decisions for ourselves yet the majority of our actions come from the unconscious, the reflex area of conditioned responses and adopted viewpoints. Call them memes or baggage these are the tethers that keep us from wandering too far from where we’ve been-- the roots of self-sabotage. The only way to cut these ties is to consciously discover our unconscious beliefs and refuse to grant power to them any longer. How do we find them? By paying attention to our reactions, or reactive actions, and questioning ourselves why we do a certain thing. By acknowledging when our mouth says “yes” while our gut says “no” and having the courage to investigate why. By asking “is this really true” to every little jab our nasty inner voice throws at us. And by stopping to think before we agree with the memes other people say to us such as, “you gotta pay your dues before you find success” or “money is the root of all evil.”
I’m done. It’s over. No more. These are powerful words. As you find your memes go ahead and tell them, “No more, I’m done with you.” Then keep moving forward.
By Robyn Chausse
picture credit: The Great Houdini Gallery
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