Here is Susan’s thoughts on three of the First Page Prompts sent in for review. You will find her comments in red.
Before we start, please understand that we’re mixing apples and oranges—which is okay, as long as we’re willing to have fruit salad.
What comes out of a writing prompt isn’t a true first page. For sharing writing prompts, I imagine a warm fuzzy environment with everyone drinking hot cocoa and fellow writers nodding in encouragement as we each read out loud what we’ve just written. The purpose, the best value, of a writing prompt is in simply doing it. Writing prompts are like practicing musical scales. They help you keep your creative fingers limber so it’s easier to write on command when you’re working on a specific piece. Just by responding to a prompt, you’ve done it right, even if a recipe pops out. There shouldn’t be criticism of it, whereas first pages often get a good deal of that. And while any of these, or the result of any prompt at all, can end up being a “real” first page, that’s not their purpose here.
But, having said all that and finding no cocoa in the house, I’ll react to these as if they’re “real” first pages.
Comments are scattered throughout each piece, then a general reaction afterward.
* * *
Teresina paused. I can’t say why, but I love this first sentence. With each step, the forest had grown darker, colder, and yet even more beautiful. A harsh beauty, though, like that of a falcon’s cry as it pierces the sky. Great description. Here in the forest, all was still, nearly silent. Even Teresina’s footsteps made no noise as she glided over the smooth icy ground.
The reflection of Her flaming hair, her skin – warm as the fuzz of a peach in the summer sun, just picked from the tree – glowed in the ice beneath her feet and the meager gleam of light from above. The hot and cold mix is confusing because I’m not sure which are visual references and which are references to actual temperature. She would have shivered, were she fully human. Oh yeah.
Instead, Delete the cool grey light illuminated her way, reminding her of the silvery skies before snow arrives. But no snow had come this year, nothing more than a crisp chill at night, and Teresina’s mother grew weary, exhausted with her efforts. This is confusing. I’d just delete it. Fall was supposed to be a short season, and Mama was made for sprinting, not the slow trudge this year’s fall had become. good description
Where was Bruma? The earth needed rest. Mama needed rest. Teresina stood, gazing down the avenue of trees. Bruma
might be late, but always, always, she appeared, glittering and chill needs different word, adjective, not noun to take the
world from Mama’s hands in her turn and give the earth its solemn, shrouded winter. Very very nice. Just as night fell and day retreated, so the seasons each took their turn, keeping the world in its course.
Teresina clutched the opaline bag in her hand a little tighter. Maybe the bribe would convince Bruma to wake and do her duty?
Maybe Bruma wouldn’t think of it as a bribe. Ma
What the SCBWI Is and Is Not
Wow, I was really looking forward to hearing the critique on my first page! Thank you so much, Susan! I was thinking to respond to the comments, too, thinking it would be even more beneficial to anyone who may be reading these.
I definitely agree with the “bit cliche-ish” assessment (I should’ve put more effort to be original there) and certainly to add “he said” to clear up the POV. Thank you!
I didn’t blatantly state that it was the girls’ mother since I thought it was obvious with him being their grandfather. You feel strongly about it not being made more clear, so I would have to re-examine it to see how to reword that sentence or add another (though I had to cut other things to keep all the valid info within the one page). I occasionally forget to include certain information to make the scene clearer in the reader’s mind because I’M seeing it clearly and forget that I hadn’t mentioned it! In this case, I never mentioned they were walking in the forest and realized it after about the 4th or 5th read. In the sentence “Grandpa assured them if they stayed on course, due south, they would find it,” I went back and added “through the woods.”
I wasn’t sure about the quotation marks and it seems that every time I double-check in my grammar books, there are a few things that I consider “iffy” and not explained well enough. I’m glad you cleared that up! lol Thank you!
Also, I felt it was very important to mention the Waters of Wonder; otherwise the reader wouldn’t know that it was the healing power of the water itself that drew them there to take the risk in the first place, just as it had drawn Grandpa Jim’s best friend and countless others.
You made a really good point about the “contemporary vs. timeless” feel. Honestly, I wasn’t even thinking about it. In my mind it was present day, but the forest was ancient. I wasn’t considering their names in that way so much either, as far as what time period they were in. Rae’s name was originally Meg, but I was somehow thinking that “Meg and Mindy” sounded sort of cliche or more ordinary and common and wanted the main character’s name to be “different.” I probably should’ve kept it as Meg lol I used “Grandpa” since I wasn’t going for a “formal” relationship. Using “Grandfather” sounds formal to me. I wasn’t relating it to “time,” but the point is a really good one! Also, since I was following what the illustration contained, her bag looks more like a satchel, so I didn’t think to say “backpack,” though “bag” would’ve worked just as well, I think, and is more “neutral” when considering a contemporary vs. timeless feel. Do you agree?
Susan, this was so helpful! Thank you, Susan, Betsy and Kathy!!!! Such fun!
Donna
Oh! I was so caught up in addressing my own critique, I forgot to mention how much I enjoyed the other two first pages! It never ceases to amaze me how different each writer’s take is!
Donna
Love this post! So much to enjoy & learn. Thank you Kathy and Susan!
Question for Susan (or anyone who might know): what is a “pantser?” The only definition I found had to do with metal. Unless you meant a “patzer” like in chess? lol I’d really like to know! Thanks
Donna
Donna, your points are well taken, even though we may have to have a thumb-wrestling cage match about the mother!
The word “pantser.” There are two types of writing styles, though of course with a million gradations between them. One writer may be a plotter (not to be confused with a plodder). A plotter plots, uses outlines, summarizes scenes before writing them, etc. Another writer may be a pantser, that is, he flies by the seat of his pants.
Neither style is wrong, which is why I said what works works. Both styles produce wonderful books, and both styles have their strengths and weaknesses.
And thank you, Mimi!
Nah, Susan, we wouldn’t be wrestling over the mother! lol I just thought it was obvious, but it’s an “easy fix.”
And thanks for the “pantser” definition! Yes, I would say that, for the times I’ve written a first page for a writing prompt, I would be a pantser. Very little time is spent fleshing out the backstory and character/s; in this case, the reason this girl was standing in this Dark Glass Forest with a bottle (it looked like a bottle to me) in her hand. I much prefer plotting and then, while writing, loosen the reins on the pantser
I must say that two of the times I’ve done the prompts, I’ve toyed with wanting to write more and really make them something. It’s a valuable exercise, I think, in spurring the imagination and flexing one’s writing muscles. Hopefully others found value in it, too. For sure, I found great value in your comments and REALLY appreciate the time you took doing them
Donna
Donna Marie, I believe it refers to people who write “by the seat of their pants”–i.e., winging it as they go, as opposed to outlining carefully in advance.
Leslie
Thanks, Leslie
Susan said that, too, only in all the years I’ve been reading about writing, I never remember hearing that phrase! lol I’ll never forget it now! 
Donna