Wikipedia Definition of Guilt: “A cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes—accurately or not—that he or she has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation. It is closely related to the concept of remorse.”
I am Not Alone
Guilt seems to be prevalent in most people’s lives to some degree. I have found myself feeling a twinge of guilt in response to a wide variety of my interactions, thoughts, and feelings throughout any given day. The initial cause can be as simple as declining an invitation because I already have plans, not taking the time to see all the people I wish to see, not making the most of my moments, or having a less than positive outlook. It is common for me to then allow these unfavorable feelings of guilt to creep into my conscience and sense of well-being. I haven’t even delved into the guilt that accompanies Motherhood; the disciplining, setting limits, saying no, taking time out for myself and the list goes on and on. I have even caught myself feeling guilty for feeling guilty, as ridiculous as that sounds.
I have noticed from the moment I became a Mom and through my endless conversations with my Mom friends that we all tend to carry around feelings of guilt. There is a sense of guilt if we work full time and aren’t at home caring for our children. There is the same sense of guilt if we are Stay at Home Moms and not in the work force full time. It seems that along with the many joys of motherhood comes this inevitable sense of guilt for reasons that aren’t logical or accurate. The more I began to think about it, the more I became certain the guilt condition must be a side effect brought on by motherhood. Of course just when I thought I had it figured, I learned this isn’t necessarily the case. I ran my theory by my husband and he was quick to enlighten me that all people, men and women alike can be afflicted with unfounded feelings of guilt. I must admit, it was nice to hear that Mr. Right and I share some common ground. I just always assumed that because he is a man of logic and always appears so even and balanced he wouldn’t have these same unreasonable thoughts and feelin
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." ~ Dr. Seuss
Why is it that the people who are the least supportive and accepting are often the ones we most want to please and gain acceptance from? At least this has been the case in my life. Without getting too ahead of myself, I would like to give a bit of gratitude for my amazing life. I have a wide network of cheerleaders who love and accept me however I show up. I have some extraordinary mentors who help guide me and lift me up when I fall. I have ‘the best’ Mom a daughter could wish for. She is a no-drama, real deal kind of lady who can in a couple of sentences help me get unstuck from the stickiest of situations. My husband is by far my biggest fan and supporter and my two beautiful sons are my source of inspiration. These fine fellas in my life never fail to provide me with ample learning opportunities to grow as a person and as a woman. Like I said, I am ‘very’ fortunate. With all of this love and support I am surrounded with, some may ask, “How could she get stuck or worry about what others think?” While I would admit this is a very good and valid point, I would also have to say there are obviously some repeat lessons I am still learning. For a good portion of my life, I have been a ‘people pleaser’. I can distinctly remember at a young age setting out to do things as a means of receiving favorable reactions from others around me. Like a cause and effect experiment, I discovered early on that when I conducted myself in a certain way I was met with approval from others. I don’t think this is an abnormal or unique trait, in fact I think as women and as humans we all want to be loved and accepted. What I have noticed is that some women show up exactly as they are; you either love them or you don’t. They are okay either way. They are sincere and can be found living life with purpose, passion and acceptance of all those around them. These authentic types are honest and upfront and address their issues with the source directly. Sure like everyone they too have their struggles but, what I find most intriguing is these genuine ladies don’t concern themselves with gaining acceptance from the Negative Nellies in their lives. They choose to spend their energy wisely and intentionally. I have come to realize that there have been times all throughout my life I desperately sought the acceptance of the Nay Sayers. I guess I thought if I could get the people who are critical of everyone to say I was okay then it would really mean something. I would actually set out to ‘people please’ the people who aren’t pleased with anything. Talk about going in circles! Eventually, after many dizzying repeat lessons I am learning about the importance of standing in my own power. I now find myself in my early thirties in a significant role as a stay at home Mom of two healthy and ‘very’ active boys. I consider myself to be energetic with enough stamina to match the pace of my toddler and preschooler. I am fortunate to be able to give a lot of myself and energy to raise my family in the best way I know how. I also look forward to date nights and time spent sustaining a happy and healthy relationship with my husband. I value my time spent with close friends and family and doing things that are just for me. This brings me to my ‘Aha Moment of Truth’ and the start of a journey down a lighter pa
