Sometimes reading to your kids is boring. There, I said it. We like the idea of the day ending with all of the annoyances forgotten as we cuddle on the sofa with our precious children, sharing our favorite books as they listen with adoring expressions on their well-scrubbed faces. But I know the reality is just as often pushing the laundry aside to make room for you and two kids who are still arguing over who got the biggest slice of cake - which apparently one child rubbed in her hair - while handing you the one picture book you can't stand as the cat vomits a hairball at your feet.
Charming, huh?
There are many motherly myths that make us feel like we're Doing It Wrong. And the ones that produce the most guilt are the ones that tell us how we should feel. Maybe you've heard how you bond with your baby at birth? It's true that you might surrender to a warm rush of instant love and pure joy. Or you might be like me at my first child's birth wondering what you were going to do with squalling mini-person now. Love came later.
Certainly nursing your child is a magical experience connecting you to spirit of womanhood through all time. That is assuming that you figure out the latching-on thing and you don't mind leaking at inopportune moments and you don't get infections or chafing. And even then you spend this most beautiful experience watching Oprah, or get so blase that you open the door to the UPS man because you are NOT going to miss out on your "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" DVD's just because Little Miss Sucks-a-lot won't FINISH UP ALREADY!
And while I was moved by how much my girls looked like angels when they slept, it was generally not a respect for all that was holy that caused me to thank God. It was more likely relief that I wasn't going to miss yet another episode of "Survivor."
So, reading to your kids. It can be a wonderful experience, a chance to slow down in the busy day and share something together. I dare say that often you will find it a nice thing to do. My point isn't to tell you that reading to your kids is boring, but instead to give you permission to sometimes feel like reading to your kids is boring. Because when we as mothers set ourselves up to a certain expectation to how something Should Be, we can fail to work with How It Is.
Think of reading to your child less as a bonding experience and more like dinner. It could be prime rib or Hamburger Helper, but either way it's important to eat. At reading time, the stars may align to make it a cozy tradition, or the day's drudgery may make it another chore. And that's okay.
While my goal was simply to validate less-than-blissful feelings about reading time, it would be cruel to leave without a little advice on banishing the boredom. Think about varying the routine in terms of the five W's - Who, What, Where, When, and Why.
Who - If you can switch off on the reading with Dad or an older sister, go for it. You can even have a reading time where Junior reads to the dog as you let your mind turn to thoughts of George Clooney. Ah, Clooney.
What - Just because your child wants to read the same book again doesn't mean that you have to do so. On days when you are more patient, you'll be happy to chug through Little Sparkly Fairy Princess again. But reserve the right to say, "Not today, honey." Look for good book recommendations or ask at the library to add some fresh books to your mix. You'll be happier for it, I promise.
Where - If you always read by your child's bedside or on the couch, take it outside. Or stop at the library or bookstore and read there. Change your surroundings just because you can.
When - I am a personal fan of bedtime reading because in my unorganized world, it was hard to forget to do it. The pajamas tended to tip me off. But if you've always reached your limit at the end of the day, make reading time in the morning or after lunch or before nap or wheneve
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By: Pam Coughlan,
on 3/12/2010
Blog: MotherReader (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Personal and Somewhat Embarrassing Stories Told to Make a Point, Share a Story, Add a tag
By: Pam Coughlan,
on 1/12/2010
Blog: MotherReader (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: National Delurking Week, Personal and Somewhat Embarrassing Stories Told to Make a Point, Add a tag
Thanks to those who commented yesterday and kicked off National Delurking Week. I truly appreciated your congratulations on behalf of my daughter, and I loved reading about the things that were making January great for you. In fact, I'm going to continue with the positivity theme with today's delurking topic: What's your resolution or goal or motto for the year?
For me, 2009 was a crappy year. I hate to even say that because I can't negate the big, wonderful things in my life. My family is generally healthy, financially comfortable, and amazingly connected. We all support each other in our individual ventures, do a lot of things together, and simply enjoy each other's company. I feel blessed and lucky and grateful. But.
If there ever was a year where I felt cursed in a death-by-a-thousand-paper-cuts kind of way, 2009 was it. Nothing was devastating, but nothing was easy either. I lucked into someone who would look at my picture book manuscript - and she left that job. I hoped to be more involved in the Junior Girl Scout troop, and had the whole thing dumped in my lap in September. I made peace with losing my job in June, to find out that additional budget cuts mean that I am never getting it back.
And it was my whole family that went through this craptastic year. Bill was promoted in his job, to find himself swamped with meetings and leading a department in an era of belt-tightening. He was thrilled to participate in the International Shootout, but it would be the one time that we lost valuable equipment. The fifth grader got a terrible, homework-obsessed teacher. The teen had her iPod stolen. It was like this all year. I'm not going into all of this for sympathy, but to set the stage for my 2010 motto:
Clean Slate.
You see, with so much going wrong it became hard to do anything at all. Everything felt tainted with history, baggage, failure. But what if I approached things this year without guilt or annoyance or despair? Instead of berating myself for not answering those emails, I could just answer them - or delete them and let it go. Instead of blaming someone else for not being organized with my troop, I could just set the time aside to get things together. Instead of being paralyzed by what to do with my manuscript, I could just send it out.
It's come to me in this year of "growth" that much of what holds us back is in what we won't release. The tasks themselves are often less onerous than what we bring to them. Guilt. Blame. Anxiety. Doubt. Discouragement. We can't banish these feelings, but maybe we can push them aside once in a while. Backtrack where we have to, but without issues. Let go when possible, without remorse. Start over when we can, without fear. Look at tasks and relationships differently, as if they were fresh.
What could I accomplish with a Clean Slate?
How about you?
By: Pam Coughlan,
on 9/23/2009
Blog: MotherReader (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Personal and Somewhat Embarrassing Stories Told to Make a Point, Add a tag
As I’ve been working on the KidLitosphere Conference, I’ve already made some mistakes. I’ve already heard some suggestions that are too late for this year. I’ve already had a period of feeling like a failure for not getting more participants. Because while we are right in line with the previous years’ attendance, I was sure that the proximity to New York City and the need for publishers and authors to find more ways to boost their online presence would make this year’s conference a sellout. I would have bet money on it. In fact, I kind of did, and it’s only due to the supreme kindness of the Sheraton Crystal City Hotel (book your next author’s luncheon there, folks!) that I’m not out a chunk of cash.
Why am I telling you this?
Because when you put yourself out there in a big way, it’s a risk.
I know that a lot of people appreciate me taking this on, and it warms me. I’m excited about the opportunity to contribute to my community in this way. And yes, I love doing something important because it makes me feel important.
But I will also hear criticism and I will make mistakes and I will leave people out and I will hurt people’s feelings and I will feel stupid and I will wish I hadn’t bothered.
Because when you put yourself out there in a big way, it’s a risk.
If I remain open-minded, I hope that the criticism will lead me to different ideas. I will learn from the mistakes, and can pass that knowledge to others. I’ll remember the many different people involved and make the effort to include them — not just on my terms, but on theirs as well. I can allow myself to feel stupid, and then ask for help. I’ll recognize that it is always worth the bother.
Again, why am I telling you this?
Because my friends addressed legitimate issues in an online initiative, and are getting dismissed as naysayers and haters and sour-grapers. And the person who ran the initiative is a good person who is feeling bad, and her dismay is bringing her support from her friends, but sealing this perception of meanness without really knowing the issues.
Because it reminds me in another way of what I’m seeing in Congress, where there are legitimate concerns about health care reform on all fronts, but it’s all about naysayers and haters and probably some sour-grapers instead of being about fixing the problems.
And because, on the other hand, being afraid of the criticism, the mistakes, the hurt feelings makes it so much easier not to try — whether it’s leading a cause or running the show or writing a book. As William Shakespeare says, “Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”
Or as Sawyer from Lost says, “Cowboy up.”
By: Aline Pereira,
on 9/21/2007
Blog: PaperTigers (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Events, Yuyi MOrales, Susan Guevara, Gary Soto, Amada Irma Perez, F. Isabel Campoy, Hispanic Heritage Month, Robert Casilla, Add a tag
It’s time to hop over to the PaperTigers website to find out how we are celebrating Hispanic Heritage Month. Gary Soto, Amada Irma Perez, F. Isabel Campoy, Susan Guevara, Yuyi Morales, Robert Casilla… they are all there, gracing our pages and sharing their pride, wise words and inspiring images. Check out their great contributions, and please help us spread the word.
HA! This post was AWESOME!
And although I do like looking at my children sleep - it's usually just a quick peek and then I'm off and running to enjoy my free and quiet time (which is always very much anticipated!)
MotherReader,
I really loved this post- and you're so right on. Thanks for the laughs, the wisdom, and the permission you give us all to be Real!
Namaste and a Hug,
Lee
The phrase "Little Miss Sucks-a-Lot" made me choke on my drink. Then I sent a link to your post to everyone I know. Fantastic post!
Love it!
I read at meals - because they are sitting down, hungry and need to eat. Perfect listeners. :)
I love how you pulled so many aspects of parenting into this one post! Using the 5 W's was a fantastic idea, and very effective. Thank you so much for such an insightful post!
oohh... tipping close to the breast v. bottle but saved by the Sparkly Fairy Princess.
Thanks for reminding us our name isn't Harriet Nelson, Daddy Doesn't Know Best, and we aren't raising robots.
This is an AWESOME post.
As the mentioned "perfect mom" I loved this post! (My children aren't here to testify against me. Right?) Being a perfect mom is being the mom your child has the best way you know how for as long as you can and then faking it! Your post makes it easier! Thanks.
Oh, Pam, I could kiss you on the mouth. YES. THIS. THIS EXACTLY.
Wow, you struck a chord - I posted a link on my Facebook page, and mommies all over are sending you their thanks!
I'm so glad that I asked you to participate in Share a Story, Pam. Because, as the other commenters have said, this post rocks! I strongly suspect that I'll be turning back to it for reassurance in just a few short months... Thanks!
I love the analogy to dinner. That is one I will turn to on the nights when I feel too wiped out to do anything at bedtime.
This is a fabulous post.
Pam: you rock. And you're right. We're not perfect, but reading to your kid is something that we can all do, somewhat perfectly. :-D (Dad reads in our house.)
I don't know if TeenReader's going to be so keen at being referred to as Little Miss Sucks-a-Lot...
Funny, informative and real. You rock, Pam.
MotherReader:
Wonderful and on point! My three year old tires me out with the reading request. On one hand it is great to see their imagination and intellect come alive through reading. But on the other the boredom, impatience, repetitions. Thanks for the post. Love your blog. Just post a review of The Story of Ferdinand on my blog
MotherReader:
Wonderful and on point! My three year old tires me out with the reading request. On one hand it is great to see their imagination and intellect come alive through reading. But on the other the boredom, impatience, repetitions. Thanks for the post. Love your blog. Just post a review of The Story of Ferdinand on my blogi
What fun! and SO true! I can still remember reading "Silly Sally" with my eyes closed - we've all read books so many times that we have them memorized. But, yes, there is always Mommy's Choice. After all, we set the rules. Thanks for a fun reality check and reminder that life is not always like the Brady Bunch, full of happy smiles.
Brilliant post!! I love your honesty and wit! Thank you!!
Ha! I loved it! My daughter is still young enough and she doesn't realize when I skip entire paragraphs (is it bedtime yet???), but I will be in so much trouble when she does!