by Maureen Lynas
One of the great things about attending a crit group is realising that you and other writers have ‘tics’ in common. By helping to identify them together you can help each other to remove them and improve your writing.
Here are two tics that came up during our latest crit session.
Metaphors and similes.
Simile: a figure of speech involving the comparison of one thing with another thing of a different kind, used to make a description more emphatic or vivid.
Beware the cliché - as brave as a lion
Beware The Blackadder Syndrome - This place stinks like a pair of armoured trousers after the Hundred Years War – unless you are Ben Elton, Richard Curtis or another genius of comedy.
Metaphor: a figure of speech in which a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which it is not literally applicable.
Beware the cliché - A blanket of snow
Beware The Blackadder Syndrome - The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the devil's own satanic herd. - See above on who is allowed to be this ridiculous.
Used appropriately similes and metaphors are wonderful tools. They aid the readers' understanding of complex issues, they create images that bring immediately clarity to the work, they make us laugh.
BUT
Used inappropriately – wrong image/sound/feeling, too intense, too complicated etc they jolt the reader out of the story as the reader attempts to work out what the author means. A reader might even start to have an adverse reaction to the metaphors and similes
e.g.
Author - Princess Penelope’s stomach gurgled like a blocked drain.
Reader – No it didn’t. I’ve heard my stomach and it has never, ever sounded like a blocked drain.
Actually, having written that, I’ve just thought how funny it would be to write a story about a princess who DOES have a stomach that gurgles like a blocked drain. So, perhaps you should make up a better bad simile for yourself.
Some editorial suggestions for those who love to use metaphor and simile.
- Check the appropriateness – is it right for the situation/genre/age group?
- Check the word choice - Am I being inappropriately poetical? Does the tone of the metaphor match the tone of the work?
- Check the logic - Read it as a critical reader and say ‘Really? Does it? Is it? What the hell do I mean by it?
- Check the image. What image have I created? Is that the image I want?
- Check the intensity - is it right for the emotion I want the reader to have at this point in the scene?
- Check you’re not trying to be too clever – am I bringing clarity to the text or am I confusing the reader.
- Check the frequency of metaphors and similes in some mentor texts (books from the same genre, age group etc that you think reflect what you want to achieve). I analysed a few YA books, just the first chapter.
Neil Gaimen’s Neverwhere - 2 similes (both together in one description)
Malorie Blackman’s Noughts and Crosses – 0
Phillip Pullman’s Northern Lights – 1 metaphor
Hm. Interestingly sparse.
Next tic – Inappropriate Mystery and Atmosphere
Sometimes writers bury their hooks and protagonists in false atmosphere and mystery. I think they do this to intrigue the reader but it leads to confusion. And there is a fine balance between intrigued, puzzled, and totally confused.
If this is your writer’s tic you will have put your protagonist into a scenario that’s normal to him/her and then added a mysterious or scary atmosphere hoping that this mysterious tone will hook the reader. If you’ve done this then you will have created a confused reader when it becomes clear that the protagonist is not in a Hammer Horror.
e.g.
Dave the gravedigger paused in the shadow of the ancient gravestone. His spine tingled. Was this the right place? The right time. He looked around. Listened to the beat of his heart amongst the silent dead. The sun was going down. He wouldn’t be seen now. He dropped to his knees and flipped open his bag. His stomach growled like a stomach that was ready to digest a rotting corpse of putrefaction and pus. (Oops - The Blackadder Syndrome!) He surveyed the contents of the bag. ‘Oh bugger it,’ he swore. His flask of tea had leaked. His butties were soggy. His lunchbreak was ruined.
Cemeteries aren’t spooky to those who work in them every day. Don’t write mysteriously because you’re writing a mystery. If it isn’t mysterious to the protagonist don’t make it mysterious to the reader. Be clear. The reader should see, hear, know and feel what the protagonist sees, hears, knows and feels.
If this is your tic ask yourself -
- What is my protagonist seeing and hearing?
- What emotion is my protagonist experiencing?
- How have I transferred that into the head of my reader?
- Have I been honest with my reader?
I could go on with more tics, in fact I may do that over the next few posts. Meanwhile, if you want to identify your own tics you could start with How Not To Write a Novel by Howard Mittelmark and Sandra Newman: 200 mistakes to avoid at all costs if you ever want to get published. It's an excellent checklist.
by Maureen Lynas
This was a very interesting discussion at the SCBWI BI York critique group involving:
THE GAP
The space that's left for the reader when we SHOW rather than TELL
Leaving THE GAP gives the reader a role to play in the story as they infer and interpret the text. There's a balance to be had between showing and telling depending on the genre, age group, and experience of the reader.
If a book is set in a familiar world to the readership then THE GAP can be quite large. The reader fills it with their knowledge, life experiences, cultural history, emotional history etc. The author can then play with the reader's inferences and expectations. If the book is an unfamiliar world then - the author has to try harder to familiarise the reader with the world and may need to leave a smaller GAP. Without resorting to information dumps.
What are these worlds?
This is what I've come up with so far. Please do add more in the comments.
The book samples below are taken from a western readers POV but I'd love to see a similar post with book choices from another cultural POV e.g. which children's books reflect the normal world for a reader in India and how big would THE GAP be for the western reader.
The normal world young readers live in:
Often school based. The readers are familiar with school, teachers, family, friendships, bullies, emotions.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney.
Most books by Jacqueline Wilson.
Mariella Mystery by Kate Pankhurst.
Chocolate Box Girls by Cathy Cassidy.
The World of Norm by Jonathan Meres.
The world young readers live in plus…
Often still school based but includes some sort of magical or fantasy element. The readers are familiar with school, family, friendships, bullies, emotions, this type of magic, good v evil, destiny, prophecies etc
Harry Potter by J K Rowling - school plus magic.
Matilda by Roald Dahl - school plus magic.
Diary of a 6th Grade Ninja by Marcus Emerson - school plus ninja.
Spies in Disguise by Kate Scott - school plus spies.
Readers are bringing an awful lot to THE GAP in the above worlds. They're really dealing with a familiar unfamiliar world. But what about the next lot.
There are lots of examples of the above that I'm very familiar with. I'm not so familiar with the types below. So please do add extra titles in the comments.
A contemporary culturally unfamiliar world.
Shine by Candy Gourlay.
An historically unfamiliar world.
Which may also be based in a culturally unfamiliar world.
Buffalo Soldiers by Tanya Landman.
An alternative historical world of unfamiliarity
Twisting history but history is unfamiliar to children anyway. So would they know?
Maggot Moon by Sally Gardner.
A non-existent unfamiliar world of oddness.
A society and premise different to the familiar - physically, culturally, geographically, and socially.
The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness.
An alternative future of weird technology
Mortal Engines by Philip Reeve.
How can you begin to establish it's a different world? I would begin with the question - How do other authors do it?
I've taken a look at Philip Reeve's Mortal Engines to get you started.
In the first chapter Philip Reeve paints a picture. He establishes a world for the story, and creates a smaller world for the protagonist, Tom.
These are the notes I've made on my first pass through.
The book opens with: An Action Scene
The city of London is chasing a small mining town.
Establishing the bigger world:
Philip Reeves places us in an unfamiliar 'bigger world' as the action unfolds. Sometimes through dialogue, sometimes through announcements, observations, setting, interactions etc.
Names
Tom Natsworthy, Chudleigh Pomeroy, Herbert Melliphant, Clytie Potts
Geographical
St Paul's cathedral glinting gold, two thousand feet above the ruined earth, land-bridge, ziggurat-town.
Society
The Anti Traction League, guildsmen, apprentices, historians.
Religion
To the people of London it seemed like a sign from the gods.
Philosophy
Municipal Darwinism.
Food
…lawns grubbed up to make way for cabbage-plots and algae plants
Unique language and technical terms which help to establish this is not here and now.
Gut-duty, traction city, argon lamps, goggle screen, exhaust-stacks, sky-clipper.
Time and cultural references that set the book in an alternative future
"It's playing merry hell with my 35thCentury ceramics."
…once been the island of Britain.
…past the big plastic statues of Pluto and Mickey, animal headed gods of lost America.
Establishing the protagonist's smaller world:
Position in society
"He's just a third, a skivvy."
Friends
Clytie Potts - "Dancing and fireworks! Do you want to come?"
Enemies and conflict
Of a similar age: Herbert Melliphant - "We don't want Natsworthy's sort there."
In a position of power: Chudleigh Pomeroy - "Natsworty! What in Quirke's name do you think you're playing at?"
Personal History
"Natsworthy's mum and dad lived down on Four, see, and when the Big Tilt happened they both got squashed flat as a couple of raspberry pancakes: splat!"
Goal
To be a hero.
Brilliantly done! Philip Reeves is a master. All that in one chapter with no info dumps. It seems to me that the protagonist's smaller world can have a bigger GAP because it's dealing with emotions and situations common to all. But the bigger world needs a smaller GAP if it's unfamiliar.
Right, now go and analyse a book in your genre. Get the highlighter pens out. Use a colour for each heading. Add your own headings. Then apply this to your own writing. Work out what the reader NEEDS TO KNOW and get rid of anything the reader DOESN'T NEED TO KNOW. Weave the info in and out of the action. And above all
THINK ABOUT THE GAP!
It'll be fun!
by
Maureen Lynas
By Maureen Lynas
The second post highlighting literary issues raised in critique groups. This came up recently at our SCBWI BI critique group in York.
Awesome first lines
What are we aiming for?
I've written an awesome first line that will wow the agents and engage the reader.
OR
I've written an appropriate first line that will wow the agents and engage the reader.
We've seen some amazing first lines in our critique group. Lines that have that wow factor. Lines that we've loved, admired and wished we'd written.
Unfortunately, they weren't always appropriate for the story that followed. They set a tone, an expectation, a hint of a totally different story, a totally different world, and genre. It's so easy to fall into the trap of creating a darling but a first line has a job to do so you may have to assassinate yours.
Read more »
By Maureen Lynas
When Candy said - Would you like to start blogging on the slushpile again? - I said yes immediately. Then spent two months thinking – what about?
The size of my slushpile?
Done. It’s even bigger than when I first blogged about it. It wobbles now. Sometimes it sways. It may topple.
The seven steps to pacing and plotting?
Done. But I could talk about the steps for ever. So that theme was a possible.
The five bricks of story?
Done. I think I'm up to seven now.
Show not tell?
Done, said Maureen as she exhibited frustration, annoyance and desperation through her body language.
Jenny raised various issues but this one resonated with me the most
Struggling writers are not often the best judges of struggling writing.
She made me wonder whether there was a critiquer's journey in the same way there is a writer’s journey. Could a critique group become stuck in one of the four stages of learning?
Quick reminder for those that have forgotten or have never heard of the four stages of learning.
Unconscious Incompetence
We don't know what we don't know
Conscious Incompetence
We know what we don't know and are shocked!
Conscious Competence
We are applying what we know but it's like walking through treacle with delicious little pools of bubbly, uplifting, lemonade every now and then.
Unconscious Competence
We know everything (ha!) and can write via a mind meld with our characters.
So I wondered - what can a critique group do if it thinks it's stuck in one of the stages, as Jenny was suggesting. How does a critique group kick itself out of conscious incompetence when it doesn’t know what it doesn’t know?
I love our critique group in York. We’re fun, chatty and extremely supportive. As you can see.
But, what if we were one of those groups stuck in the treacle and didn't know it? Was Jenny talking about us? Were we moving on with our knowledge and application or were we repeating the same suggestions each meeting? Were we listening? Were we really discovering what we needed to learn?
So, as an experiment I suggested we changed the way we critique.
Normally we skill share in the morning and critique in the afternoon. This was so that we could go home to digest the comments, cry into our wine, forget the trauma. There was no discussion of the work. It's possible we were concerned that people would begin defending their work if we had a discussion time. Or not.
So we swapped around. We critiqued in the morning using our usual format - Each critiquer has one minute to give a verbal critique, then hands over a written critique. The author being critiqued makes notes but says nothing.
We then had lunch and some breathing space to digest the food and comments.
Then we spent the afternoon discussing the issues the critiques raised - both specific to the author's work but also broadened out to discuss the issues in other literature. It worked brilliantly. Everyone pitched in with examples and analysis. We even walked through Morag Macrea’s scene of a girl having her head stuffed down the toilet, so that she could see it clearly. I was that girl.
These were just some of the issues we were able to identify and discuss:
· Which stories had an inciting incident and which didn’t.
· Which story had multiple inciting incidents and needed a prune.
· Which story had an amazing opening line that set the wrong tone for the story and why.
· Which ordinary world confused the reader and why.
· Which stories had a lack of clarity in action scenes.
· Which stories had too much backstory in the opening chapters.
This led to suggested homework:
· Analyse your favourite books and identify their inciting incidents so that you really understand what an inciting incident is.
· Persuade, demand, order, friends and family to act out the action if you can’t see it in your head. Walk through it or use toys.
· Analyse how other authors deal with back story.
· Identify the essential information the reader needs in your opening scenes.
This was probably the best critique session we've had. So that's what I'll be blogging about on Notes From the Slushpile. The issues raised in our critique sessions. Hopefully we'll add to your knowledge, encourage insightful critiquing and get you out of the treacle and into the pools of bubbly, lemony pop and beyond.
Maureen
Maureen Lynas blogs intermittently on her own blog which she creatively named - Maureen Lynas She is the author ofThe Action Words Reading SchemeFlorence and the MeaniesThe Funeverse poetry site.
by Maureen Lynas
