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It was bound to happen sooner or later.

I had stocked my library with edgy titles. Where once the shelves were mostly full of “classic” YA titles and somewhat aged adult mystery novels, now they’re full of books about queer teens, unexpected pregnancy, parents with drug habits, and graphic novels. (Books with pictures! The horror!)

They’re all appropriately reviewed, of course, and many of them are award winners, some several times over–but when it comes to content, they don’t pull any punches.

So it shouldn’t really come as a surprise that I recently got my first book complaint.

As librarians, we tend to talk a lot about intellectual freedom and defending our teens’ right to read whatever they want. But when push comes to shove, how do we really respond to book challenges in the heat of the moment?

As my pulse raced and I struggled to maintain eye contact and speak clearly (stammering is a personal struggle for me when I’m on the spot), I felt immensely grateful that I’d attended Sex in YA Lit: From Blume to Block and Beyond at last year’s Annual Conference in Chicago.

For those of you who weren’t able to attend, the panel–made up of librarian (and author!) Lynn Biederman, sex therapist Marty Klein, and YA author Laura Ruby–discussed the history of sex in young adult books, but also offered up some practical suggestions for handling book complaints, since so many challenges involving YA titles have to do with sexual content. The most valuable piece of advice they offered:

1. Sometimes the parent or community member just needs to feel like someone is listening. Indeed, many face-to-face complaints will never turn into a formal challenge if you let the complainant get it all out of their system. It’s crucial not to interrupt or talk over anyone, no matter how much you might disagree with their opinion.

To this advice, I would add some of my own, gleaned from my recent complaint–an experience that turned out overall to be a positive one:

2. Don’t fake agreement. This one can be tough. Many of us were taught that active listening means body language like nodding. While it’s true that nodding and occasionally saying “Sure” or “Mm-hmm” indicate that you’re listening, they can also suggest you agree. You can acknowledge a complainant’s point of view without agreeing with it.

3. Let your policies back you up. If you don’t have a collection development policy, write one now. It’s vital that your policies support you, and it’s equally important that your co-workers and supervisors or directors are familiar with those policies so that they can back you up. Make sure these documents are available to the public, but be familiar enough with them that you could discuss them face to face as well.

4. Know your materials. We all have to rely on reviews and recommendations to some degree. While I’d like to believe there are librarians who have read every book in their YA collections, for most of us that’s not a realistic goal. (I know I’ve certainly been guilty of not reading as much of my collection as I’d like.) But the more books you’ve read, the more you can meaningfully discuss if they’re ever challenged. For those titles that you haven’t read yet, make sure you know at least the basic plot points.

5. Acknowledge that not every book is right for e