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I seriously think there may be something to the whole stars, charts, and rising signs astrology thing. I’m not so invested that I would refuse to leave the house based on a dire horoscope, but if the tides are influenced by the movement of the planets and our bodies are mostly water, it just makes sense that when they move, we get a little cosmic tug. I also have two children born at the tail end of May, which means I’ve got more Gemini folk than I can comfortably handle sometimes. In the zodiac, Gemini represents the twins. In my house, Gemini represents the drastically polar personality shift that can happen to kids #2 and #4 at a moment’s notice. These are children who give new and more profound meaning to the metaphors associated with emotional swings--hot and cold, night and day, Jekyll and Hyde, etc. It is always amazing, and sometimes a little bizarre or frightening, to see a small person in the progression from sun to wild storm and back again in the amount of time it takes for toast to pop up. This duality kept going through my mind as I was reading Michael Bond’s Paddington’s Opposites to the littlest quick-change artist in my life. The contrasting conditions in the book are pretty straightforward--on/off, neat/messy, open/closed--but the illustrations are a bit outrageous, especially on the “negative” parts of the pairs, and those are (naturally!) the ones Scarlett likes best. Or not. It all depends on her mood.

Pulling out my crystal bull and doing my best Mystic Meg (don't ask) impression, I thought I'd start of the week by delving into the stars. Beware, most of what follows is true...

Stealing from the AHWA, here's your horrorscope.


Gemini
Your split personality will divorce this week. Great news because it means you'll now be able to work on both those projects at once. Bad news for your spouses. Remember using an axe to carve them in two will render them incapable of pencil sharpening.

Cancer
A rejection will make you crabby. Heck, what's new. Be sure to hunt down the editor who rejected you and catch him or her in your pincers. Before you know it, they'll be dedicating an issue to you.

Leo
You're king of the jungle press this week. A competition win will leave you preening and an award nomination will have other writers falling at your feet. Remember, two writers a day is a healthy balanced diet (they're heavy on the butt).

Virgo
Although you're new to this writing lark an unexpected blog encounter will lead to big things. They're not guaranteed to be good, but if you don't put your foot in the water you'll never learn if the shark wouldn't have bitten it off.

Libra
The scales are balanced in your favour. Yeah right, sucker.

Scorpio
The writing world is a poisonous pit. Consign yourself to your garret for the week, don't eat, and you might just make it out with all your pens intact.

Sagittarius
You'll receive a handful of rejections this week. Be sure to shoot them straight back out, but remember, an arrow in an editor's eye will slow down the response time. Aim low and pin them to the chair.

Capricorn
Someone will refer to you this week as an Old Goat meaning you're set in your ways. Prove them wrong by changing genre. Write that romance. Make your zombies sparkle and replace their eyes with beating hearts.

Aquarius
Too much sitting on your desk has caused your ankles to swell. This is the week to get out of your chair and do some research. Break into medical labs, open zoo cages, sit a rival in a dentists chair and pull out all their teeth.

Pisces
This week one of your characters will unexpectedly end up swimming with the fishes. Conduct a mini-funeral in your back yard and bury a slip of paper with their name on. Gravestones are not recommended.

Aries
You are determined to ram your ideas down an editor's throat this week. Choose an editor who can swallow above 20,000 words a day, anything less and you're in novelette territory.

Taurus
You give out bull, you get bull back. Switch to writing your autobiography. After all, you're far more interesting than your characters.