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Melissa Sarver, agent at Elizabeth Kaplan Literary Agency is our quest critiquer for May.  She is a graduate of Boston University and brings with her the experience she received by working with several agencies: Waxman Literary Agency, Brick House, and Imprint Agency (now FinePrint).

She looks for contemporary/realistic fiction, both literary and commercial; mysteries; urban fantasy; magical realism, and issue-based stories. She’s drawn to dark tales with brilliant prose and strong voice as well as quirky stories with a fresh sense of humor, and heartbreaking romances. She especially enjoys multicultural stories and similarly emotional stories with dystopian themes. She also considers Middle Grade fiction and Picture Books and you will meet here at the conference next weekend.

Melissa picked four first pages to read from what was submitted in May.  Here they are: 

Marty Preston

Untitled MG for the May 26th prompt.
I didn’t want to dress like a boy for Colonial Day, but I had no choice. Mom was working crazy hours, and couldn’t shop for my outfit until the night before. There was nothing left in my size at Old Navy─that’s where all my friends’ mothers bought colonial dresses for them. So I was stuck wearing soccer socks that I dyed with tea bags, a plain yellow pajama top, and my brother’s baseball pants, cinched at the waist and rolled up to my knees. In 90-degree heat.

“I’m sorry, sweetie. I blew it.” Mom shook her head, mad at herself, when I came downstairs the morning of Colonial Day in my makeshift get-up. “I should’ve ordered something online.”

“It’s okay.” I forced a smile. “It’ll all come together once I put the tricorne hat on at school.”   Of course, the hat would cover the colonial-esque hair ribbon, the only girl item I was wearing.

Things hadn’t been easy since Dad lost his job, so I kept my disappointment to myself. But the truth was, I really wanted one of those frilly white sundresses. Especially because my colonial family included Doug Hollis, the cutest boy in the seventh grade, at least in my opinion. (My best friend Jenna thought Ryan Tapler was the cutest.)

“That doesn’t look as bad as you made it sound.” Jenna whispered, when I took my seat next to hers in homeroom. She had on the exact dress I would’ve liked.

“I feel like a goofball,” I said. “I debated blowing off the theme. But I decided not to be  a party pooper.” Maybe I made the wrong decision. No other girls were dressed like boys.

After the flag salute, we shuffled outside.  First stop, mock trial. Jenna’s fat her played the judge, and her mother was the accused pig thief. “Guilty as charged! To the stocks!” Jenna’s dad said. Everyone laughed and we  lined up to have our photos taken in the pillory.

“Who’s the funny-looking boy in the stockade?” Tony Parisi said, in his usual snide tone.

“Shut up, Parisi,” Doug said. “Even in a boy outfit, Candace is pretty.”

My eyes widened. I planned to shout it from the rooftops later. Doug Hollis thinks I’m pretty.

MELLISA:

I think this is a great introduction to a sweet middle grade novel filled with young romance but also dealing with some very real issues of unemployment and busy working parents trying to make ends meet.  The main character deals with some of these issues in an age-appropriate way by being honestly disappointed but not overly bratty or immature in response.  I’m not sure the dialog works in all places: “blowing off t