How to use this Page

In honor of the release of FADE (Wake, Book 2), and also on behalf of the 859 people who have tagged me for 25 Random Things on Facebook, I give you a glimpse behind the scenes of Cabel Strumheller, book character extraordinaire.


25 Random Things about Cabe:

1. Sometimes, when I think about my mom, I can’t really remember what she looks like. I hate that.

2. I feel kind of guilty that I don’t think about her much at all, and then I wonder if she ever thinks about me. Probably not.

3. When I was in the hospital, I read a lot. Like, everything on the book cart. Even the Judy Blume stuff, which wasn’t too bad, actually.

4. I hate mowing the grass, especially the back yard behind the shed. My heart always pounds a little, like something’s going to jump out at me, even though I know it won’t. You know what I mean?

5. When I’m at school, I usually feel like I’m acting. Most people there have never seen the real me.

6. Sometimes I miss living with my brother Charlie. Back when it was just the two of us, I mean. After dad, but before Megan came into the picture, even though she’s totally cool and I like her a lot.

7. But if I think about it, I really do like being alone sometimes...I like that quiet house creakiness right before I fall asleep.

8. I like the sound of Janie breathing even better, all quiet and smooth, when she’s just falling asleep.

9. I’ve always wanted a pet. A dog, probably. But I really get scared sometimes that I wouldn’t be around enough for it. That I’d let it down and it would be all lonely ‘n shit. There’s enough of that in the world.

10. After I met Janie and figured her out a little, I started watching The X-Files reruns. She’s not so strange after all, you know? Compared to that, I mean.

11. I would totally never do a Facebook page unless I had to for work. I mean, what’s the point? It would just be acting all over again. That gets a little tiring.

12. Unless Janie signed up too.

13. Which she totally wouldn’t.

14. Hell, though...I dunno. She might, now that I think of it. Just so she could spy on people.

15. You know, that’s not a bad idea...

16. Changing the subject: my favorite color is green. Not like Kelly green or grass green or that disgusting mint color that reminds me of old people and babies. More like the color of dried herbs. Sage green. That’s it.

17. Sometimes after dark I get the board out. There’s a skate park by the school. I’m pretty good, still.

18. I really freaking hope I can keep this car forever.

19. I have no idea what to think of Janie’s mother. She is the strangest person I’ve seen, and believe me, I know some strange people.

20. I can’t stand it when I don’t know what’s going on.

21. I enjoy reading the news. I also like knowing a lot of random shit. It amuses me to see people’s reactions.

22. That time when Janie hit me in the gut with the door handle after the dance? I almost didn’t follow her. I mean, god. Who would follow a girl like that?

23. I know, I know. Me.

24. I really like to cook, and if anybody wants to give me shit about that, I’ll f*cking punch their lights out. Cooking’s dope. It’s like getting a chemistry formula right or putting a car together. Recipes, instructions, formulas...it’s all the same.

25. Some people think guys like me don’t exist. That’s a lie. Don’t believe it. I’m right here. We’re everywhere. The quiet ones. If you can look away from the shiny for a minute, you’ll see us.

Ever since Caitlin Flanagan unleashed her notorious “when a mother works, something is lost” screed upon an unsuspecting, sleep-deprived, hormone-soupy, guilty and conflicted nation (or maybe that wasn’t the nation, and that was just me), I’ve been waiting for the inevitable rejoinder: the woman who’d step forward and say, just as unapologetically, “Yes, and frequently what’s lost is her independence, financial security, and ability to support herself and her children once the man who’s making her stay-at-home lifestyle possible can’t or won’t anymore.”

I was interested to read about Leslie Bennett’s THE FEMININE MISTAKE, with its house-of-cards cover, which argues just that point.

(I was less thrilled that it's published by a new imprint at Hyperion that says its offerings are aimed at “women who are way, way over chick lit.” I suspect they meant that less as a critique of chick lit’s themes and quality and more as a comment on their putative readers’ age, but still. Feeling a little excluded here, Hyperion Voice…and if you imply that I’m too young or ditsy to appreciate your offerings, I’m likely to oblige you by not buying them).

Bennetts is a longtime contributing editor to Vanity Fair, a former New York Times reporter, first woman to ever cover a presidential campaign for the Times, and the married mother of two.

It’s a given that her premise, and even her title, would raise eyebrows and ire.

Any time you write a book telling large groups of women that they should feel guiltier than they already do because they’re screwing up their lives, their kids, their marriages, or all of the above, you’re going to raise eyebrows and ire.

I wasn’t expecting sizism.

I wasn’t expecting Penelope Trunk.

Penelope Trunk is a professional beach volleyball player turned business advice columnist with a book of her own to flog.

Her thoughtful, informed critique of TFM seems to boil down to this: who is Leslie Bennett to offer anyone life advice when Bennetts is “SO INCREDIBLY FAT!!!” (Caps and exclamation points Trunk’s).

“This woman,” Trunk wrote, in a blog post she’s since deleted and replaced with a sorta-kinda apology, “"is walking around telling people you have to have a career while you're raising kids in order to take care of yourself, and she is obviously not taking care of herself. Look, I wouldn't be harping on this if she weren't so fat..."

Wow. Always nice to see a sister raising the tone of the debate.

At first I figured Trunk for a brilliant, if deeply cynical, saleswoman. What better way for a writer without platform or name recognition to raise her profile than to by taking incendiary, Ann Coulter-esque shots at a more established author? (And here I am, helping her out).

But then I thought…what if she actually meant it?

What if she’d disqualify Bennetts from saying anything about life and kids and having it all because, in spite of her achievements both personal and professional, she’s not skinny and, thus, de facto, a failure?

Perhaps Penelope Trunk doesn’t know anyone bigger than a breadbox. Maybe it’s news to her that it is possible to take care of yourself and still not look like Paulina Porizkova. Health and happiness actually do come in sizes other than zero, and I’ve got no time for anyone who hasn’t figured that out. Nor do I have any money, either: I suspect my fat fingers will be unable to work the clasp of my wallet should I put down the Ho Hos, waddle down to the local bookstore and find Trunk’s book there.

If Leslie Bennetts had written a diet book, her size would be fair game.

As it stands, whether you agree with what Bennetts is saying, or disagree, or are so offended by her title or her premise that you won’t read a word of it, I can’t see how her size matters at all.

And really – incredibly fat? Or, excuse me, “SO INCREDIBLY FAT!!!”

I’ve seen incredibly fat.

I’ve been incredibly fat.

Leslie Bennetts? Not even close to incredibly fat.

(It reminds me a little of the Cedric the Entertainer routine about how white people were forever mistaking him for a famous rapper. “I’m big,” he’d say. “But not, you know, notoriously big.”)