A review of Cristina Nehring's A Vindication of Love in this weekend's New York Times Book Review led me to an excerpt that I wish to share with you:
To be respected as a thinker in our world, a woman must cease to be a lover. To pass for an intellectual of any distinction, she must either renounce romantic love altogether or box it into a space so small in her life that it attracts no attention. If a man, as William Butler Yeats once claimed, "is forced to choose/Perfection of the life or of the work," a woman is too often forced to choose perfection of the heart or of the head. Should she choose to follow her heart, she needn't bother her head about philosophy or feminism because the world will mock her efforts. A strong mind, we've come to believe, precludes a strong heart. This, at least, is the mantra under which female artists have labored for centuries, and continue, to some extent, to labor still.
I have not read the entirety of Nehring's book. I can't make claims for the durability of her argument. But I am reminded of a conversation I once had with a widely respected male author (of, might I add, notoriously heartless stories) who essentially discounted my own work, not to mention my life, for being overly saturated with love. Sentimental was the word that he used. It was several years ago, just a few books into my career, and I can't begin to tell you just how long I felt the sting of his appraisal, how I began to cower behind, to feel ashamed of, the size and shape of my heart. You love too much and your writing shows it. That's the thought that kept tidal waving through my head.
Not any more. I am out in this world as who I am. I am living my love. I am dancing my love. I am cooking and gardening and walking my love. I am writing and I am blogging it—no apologies, and no one harmed. I put my heart and my head, such as they are, on these lines.
One of the best part of your books is the warmth you feel when you read them. I think from that comes your desire to pick the right word and phrase. Keep up exactly what you do and we'll all be happy.
You are full of sentiment. You are not sentimental. Keep the sentimentality that makes you live so beautifully honest.
cheers
and
xxoo
Good for you! This world lacks balance. To cut out the heart as unworthy is to bleed to death.
Sounds to me like he has been wounded and is afraid of love. I'm sorry his words hurt you, but I'm glad that you overcame it. Sharing love with the world is not a bad thing.
:D
Whoever it was that said that to you is going to bed with an empty heart tonight. He might have a full account and a list of credentials but I'd rather lay on a bulging heart than a cold list any day.
I think the world is changing and how we value people too. And if not, at least the smart ones can see more clearly now. Glad you're living smart.
Heartlessness = Cowardice
Love = Fearlessness
At least, that's how I see it.
I can't imagine you writing any other way, Beth, than straight from your fearless heart.
XO
A.
How can anyone love too much?
I am so glad that you write exactly the way you do. This post has given me a lot to think about but we need more people in this world with as much heart as you, Beth, and thank God you use your words for beauty.
I waited a few days to respond b/c all i could think was "Seriously!!Too much love!!! Too much sentiment?"
Days later - same response. Thank you for sharing your heart with us all - don't stop!
"No one harmed"? Well, more than that!
Hi. I am new to your blog.
I just wanted to write a comment on this because even the book that I am writing is somehow centered around validating love as a true spiritual path. Thank you for mentioning the Cristina Nehring book. I'm going to get my hands on that very soon.
I've always thought that love has been labeled as of lesser importance because we live in a world which is created according to the values of men. The matter of brain against the heart has been settled by men entirely and instead of accepting it, I think it is time we fought it and changed things.