The person who affected me most in the ‘art’ of listening was the first women's ministry leader I ever knew, twenty years ago. I remember standing off to the side, talking with her one morning, when another woman came up to us and started asking her a question. At that time in my life, with insecurities innumerable standing on my doorstep, I would have immediately said something like, “Well, I gotta go – see ‘ya next week,” or some other lame reason to excuse myself for self-inflicted unworthiness.
Before I even had time to consider verbalizing a lame reason to make an exit and allow this other woman to project her very important question, the WM leader put her hand on my arm and looking me in the eye said, “Excuse me for just a moment – I want to finish our conversation.” She then looked at the woman with the pressing question, allowed her to ask it, politely gave her an answer and then looked back at me. Removing her hand she said, “I’m sorry. Now, we were talking about…”
I don’t even remember what we were talking about. I didn’t even care. This woman had just made one of the most valuable impressions on me in my entire life. She really cared about our conversation. How did I know? She didn’t release her attention once. By keeping her hand on my arm, she said, ‘I care about you and what you have to say is important.’ As you can see, that stayed with me for years.
A good listener has things to say, but knows if and when it’s appropriate to do so. Not everything is needful or necessary. There are several times in a conversation I’ve wanted to interject a comment or opinion and thought better of it. There are several times I didn’t think and was entrapped in that age-old quote: “Better to be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” Thank God, he loves and forgives fools.
A good listener keeps focused on the immediate conversation and not other things going on around her. Distractions may occur, but somehow they do not seem to divert the listener’s attention. She is considerate, giving her full attention. If, for some reason, that attentiveness must be broken (a child in need, phone call, etc.), she will somehow make sure that who she is listening to is of value and that she wants to continue the conversation. One of the worst things you can do is to break that connection in the middle of a conversation and never go back to where you left off, if it’s due to a third party coming into the discussion.
A good listener asks questions pertaining to the topic. If her friend is talking about her child’s illness, she will not interrupt and ask if she had her haircut. Sensitivity is important. Often, depending on the topic at hand, your friend just needs a shoulder to cry on.
One of the best stories I have heard in a long while was about two little girls who were walking home from school, one dropped a
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