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Dear Miss Snark,
After I'd forgotten I'd even queried them, I got a wonderful rejection. It however is rather ambivalent: "This sounds wonderful, but I just can't fit this in my schedule. Please consider us again the the future. Best Wishes!"
I was jubilant. But confused. Does this mean "please consider us again (when we're not so busy?) Or please consider us again with another book?
At any rate, I'd given the rejected book up as a "never sell" because I've worked so long and hard on it that now *I* loathe it. But I do have a new one in the works.
Comments on rejection letters, even when written by Miss Snark, are not edicts from She Who Must Be Obeyed.
If you can't stand Novel Alpo by all means query them about Novel BiteMarks.
The problem of course with "query when we are less busy" is you have no idea when that is. Thus you can't make it a factor in your Grand Query Strategy. Keep this agent on your list but don't read more into that reply than 'you don't suck'.
Dear Miss Snark,
Here is something I have been wondering after months of reading your sample queries. Suppose one is trying to find an agent for a manuscript wherein it seems all along that Miss Scarlett did it in the Library with the Rope, but at the end it turns out through some masterful plot twist that in fact it was Colonel Mustard in the Billiard Room with the Lead Pipe, and he and Mr. Green have been conspiring to frame Miss Scarlett because she threatened to tell Mrs. White that far from wanting to marry her, Colonel Mustard really intends to elope with Mrs. Peacock, Professor Plum's intended, whom he's been boffing for months. Mr. Green's motive,
the greatest secret of all, is also revealed in an even more masterful plot twist.
The question is, should the author tell the agent in the query letter that the novel is a clever-ish interpretation of Clue where Colonel Mustard did it but the reader is led to believe it was Miss Scarlett until the very end, or, should the author just allude in vague terms to the fact it's a saucy new rendition of a cultural icon with a delightfully clever surprise
ending? Your sample queries seem to be more of the "vague allusions" persuasion, but it seems to me that cutting to the chase would make the agent's life easier. What say you?
I say if you start telling me that you work is a saucy rendition and/or clever reinterpretation, I'm going to stop reading and hit you over the head with the ClueGun (trademark Miss Snark, patent pending).
Don't tell me it's clever: be clever.
Don't tell me it's funny: be funny.
And don't tell me the entire plot in the cover letter; that goes in the synopsis.
Do we need to review the Keys to Success in a query letter?
1. What is this?
2. Who is the hero and what happens to him in 35 words or less in the first chapter of the book.
3. Why should I want to read on?
4. Who are you (not your name, I can read your signature we hope) but a little bit about you and why you are fabulous.
5. If you have room you can mention how much you love Killer Yapp's festive new Yankees cap.
You should also know that Clue the game IS trademarked and using it is a huge red flag. You'll need to address that issue specifically.
Dear Miss Snark:
I query agents by email only. I try my best to only query agents who accept email queries, but occasionally I send queries to agencies that do not accept them by accident. Apparently such was the case as I received a response from a VERY reputable agent with ICM (who usually don't take unsolicited queries). I queried regarding a non-fiction proposal. The following is a timeline that will best set up my question:
4:00 PM: I send out about 20 queries to agents from an internet resource.
9:30 PM: I receive this email from said ICM agent: "Fascinating. Please send the proposal. I look forward to receipt."
6:30 AM (next morning): I reply, inquiring whether she prefers email or snail mail.
6:50 AM: She responds, indicating email. (
bold is Miss Snark's addition)
8:30 AM: I send the proposal as an attachment, with a cover letter as the email itself.
11:00 AM: She replies: "Many thanks. I'll print it out and have a look"
Now for my question:
It has only been a few days, and I know you HATE nudges, but when, if ever, should I follow up? (and how?) I know standard rule is about 2-5 weeks, but the speed at which all of this occurred, and her last reply leads me to believe that she would be reading the proposal soon. Is it a good sign that she hasn't responded yet? If it is a rejection she probably would have just sent an email, being that that is our correspondence media thus far. What should I make of the situation if two weeks pass?
Wait, you got an email from someone at 6:50 am and you think she was in the office?
Have you lost your mind?
"I'll print it out and read it" is shorthand for "got it, I'll read it when I can" cause most people don't want to sound as cold and cruel as Miss Snark...even at 6:50 am.
You know she has it.
She'll get back to you.
Three weeks MINIMUM and five is better.
The fact that you heard from her promptly and at that horrid hour most likely means she's clearning up her email box before vacation.
Try to avoid shooting yourself in the font if you can.
